Today we're unpacking spiritual bypassing, the use of spirituality or spiritual practices to override our feelings. We'll cover what spiritual bypassing can look like inside 12 step, how our brains are often trained to spiritual bypass via our sponsors, the meetings and the literature and what spiritual bypassing can be like on our deprogramming AA journey.This audio is from today's livestream on Sobriety Bestie YouTube from our weekly show "Tea With Bestie." Feel free to join us live on Thursdays at 9am Pacific / 5 pm UK.Resources for deconstructing AA:👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free
I've received a lot of DM's after yesterday's episode on Rob Reiner and Nick Reiner so am coming back today to answer the top questions. You wanted to know is Nick Reiner mentally ill and was he sober at the time of the murders. So we'll dive into that in today's episode.Also I have a clip with Rob Reiner and Nick Reiner's thoughts on Alcoholics Anonymous (thanks to the person who DM'd it to me!) so we'll roll that clip as well.Timestamps00:00 Nick Reiner charged with murder01:34 Was Nick Reiner Under The Influence?01:47 Is Nick Reiner Mentally Ill?02:41 Does Rehab Work?03:56 Rob Reiner + Nick Reiner on "Does AA work?"06:14 Nick + Rob Reiner addiction message06:44 Nick Reiner's Thoughts on 12 Step Not WorkingResources for deconstructing AA:👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free
Today's episode is a bit heavy, heartbreaking and also a deep dive into the addiction movie the now late iconic director Rob Reiner made in 2015 with his son Nick Reiner called "Being Charlie."We'll look at the addiction recovery movie through a deconstruction lens, examine the 12 step loaded language, and follow Charlie through his addiction recovery journey - a character based upon Nick Reiner. In real life, Nick Reiner went to 17+ rehabs in 7 years before being inspired to create this movie with his father. This is an invitation to think about why non effective "treatment" is continually pushed and pursued via medical professionals, treatment centers and 12 step meetings.Timestamps:00:00 Rob Reiner, Nick Reiner + Addiction Recovery Intro02:32 Nick Reiner 17+ Rehabs03:46 Deconstructing Being Charlie Movie04:17 12 Step Loaded Language07:58 How Nick Reiner Got Sober08:58 12 Step Treatment is Ineffective10:47 RIP Rob + Michele Reiner11:48 Rob Reiner + Nick Reiner InterviewResources for deconstructing AA:👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free
It's the 91 year anniversary of BIll W.'s "White Light Spiritual Experience" so we're going to unpack it all in this episode. We'll cover what drugs Bill was on, some of Towns history (the founder of the rehab Bill was in), Carl Jung's work on the numinous or spiritual / religious experiences and we'll hear from the livestream audience about their thoughts on spiritual experience. I timestamped it below in case you want to skip around.Timestamps:00:00 91 Years Later: Deconstructing Bill Wilson’s White Light Experience02:32 Bill Made His Experience Institutional "Proof"05:14 The Spiritual Experience Requirement 11:05 The Drugs Bill Was On25:08 The Jung Letter and Chain-Style Transmission29:22 Personal Psychedelic Experiences vs Universal Prescription49:23 Leaving AA and the Psychological Devastation51:57 Deconstructing ‘AA Worked For Me’ or 'Didn't Work'55:32 Bill's Hallucination Still Shapes Recovery Today1:03:44 The Cognitive Dissonance Around Bill’s LSD Use1:09:18 AA as Mythology, Not Medicine01:14:42 Carl Jung vs. Bill Wilson01:25:08 Towns Hospital 1:33:42 Healing Trauma + Exit Costs 1:41:03 Jung Was Opposite of Bill in ThinkingResources for deconstructing AA:👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free
December 11th 1934 is Bill W, the Founder of AA's, last day drinking and the day he went into Town's Hospital for alcohol addiction treatment. Today on Sobriety Bestie pod we're diving into how Bill was preyed upon when he was incredibly vulnerable (by the Oxford Group). Then how Bill turned around and built this methodology, of AA preying on the vulnerable, into his 12 step system.Resources for deconstructing AA:👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free
Ostracized for leaving AA. Told she’d die if she walked away. Came back anyway. Left again. And is still here, and finally free.In this raw, funny, and brutally honest conversation, Lilly and I talk about what it’s really like to be "AA-famous," get shunned when you “go out,” and slowly realize the thing you thought saved you is also harming you.We get into informed consent, harmful sponsorship, Al-Anon culty offshoots, drinking again without going back to meetings, ADHD/dopamine, and why so many of us feel more broken after years in 12-step than we did going in.If you’ve ever:Been terrified to leave AA because “you’ll die”Been shunned or quietly dropped when you stopped goingWondered if it’s ethical for traumatized non-professionals to hear 4th-step confessionsTried to “work on yourself” to deathOr are just sitting in that after-recovery void thinking, “What now?”…this one’s for you. You are not crazy, you are not alone, and you’re allowed to change your mind.Timestamps:00:00 Shunned After AA Intro02:08 Leaving AA07:46 Taking What She Wanted, Leaving The Rest08:30 It's Unethical To Sponsor10:01 We Met In AA15:49 What The "Daily Reprieve" Actually Is22:40 What Helped Lilly Leave AA26:26 "Informed Consent" in AA33:46 Harmful Alanon + Amends 45:36 AA Breaks You Down48:19 Half Measures AA50:02 Full Blown Cult Alanon53:30 Connecting With AA Escapees56:20 Drinking Moderately1:05:36 ADHD, Dopamine, Addiction + Hobbies 1:14:39 Feeling Angry After Leaving AA1:23:32 Cult Within A Cult + Sponsoring Yourself 1:31:18 When Your Sponsor Leaves 12 Step👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Today we're reading a book review for AA's Big Book or the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" that was featured in JAMA, the Journal of American Medical Association back in 1939, 6 months after the Big Book was published.Here's the source.👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
In today’s episode of the Sobriety Bestie Podcast, Tara Grace (Burn The Stigma) and I break down AA's "we're spiritual not religious" gaslight.This episode comes from today's Bernie & Bestie LIVE, where we just unpacked what a religion is, how AA maps to a religion, some of the God language inside the Big Book and taking the third step (in public!). Then we crowd sourced everyone's perspectives on the AA spiritual not religious indoctrination to add to the conversation.👉 Deprogram Lounge (community, Zooms, book club, Escape Kit + more)📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Leaving 12 step can feel like freedom and heartbreak at the same time.You thought walking away would be the hard part. But it’s the after that gets quiet and confusing.The mixed emotions. The questions you didn’t expect. The “now what?” feeling.Today on Sobriety Bestie Podcast we're diving in deep to explore what the hardest part of leaving AA is. I share my perspective and experience then we crowd source the comments to see what's been hard for others and how they've navigated it.👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
In today’s episode of the Sobriety Bestie Podcast, Tara Grace (Burn The Stigma) and I break down how the language inside Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs can lock people into a forever-sick identity—often without realizing it.We explore common phrases like “progressive and fatal disease,” “mental obsession,” “physical allergy,” “character defects,” “daily reprieve,” and “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” These ideas can shape how we see ourselves and create a kind of learned helplessness.I share my own shift: Changing how I think about myself changed everything.I’m not forever sick, broken, or spiritually defective—and you likely aren't either.This episode comes from Sunday’s Bernie & Bestie LIVE, where we spent two hours unpacking how 12-step culture can keep people stuck—and what breaking free actually looks like.👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Wondering how long it takes to deprogram 12 step? Today we'll explore a cult recovery checklist to help get an idea of where you're at and what might be next on your deprogramming journey.Timestamps:00:00 How long is AA Deprogramming Intro04:15 Phase 1 Stabilization10:05 Phase 2 Cognitive Deconstruction20:13 Phase 3 Emotional Reprocessing35:02 Phase 4 Identity Reconstruction44:19 Phase 5 Social Reconnection51:30 Phase 6 Behavioral Unlearning54:28 Phase 7 Long Term Integration👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
So many of us "crave" meetings after we decide to leave AA. Here's what I think is going on...👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Join us for a fun Thanksgiving inspired episode as Carrie (Carrie's Substack) and I reclaim gratitude after leaving AA.A lot of us are forced into masking our feelings with "gratitude" inside 12 step. But that wasn’t gratitude — that was obedience, conformity and spiritual bypassing.So of course so many of us get the ick around gratitude after leaving AA.It’s like a post-cult mandatory-gratitude hangover — your body remembers the coercion.But we can reclaim what's been taken from us, we get to own ALL of our humanity.We can choose to reclaim gratitude.Timestamps:00:00 Reclaiming Gratitude Intro02:05 Mandatory Gratitude Rules05:50 Mandatory Gratitude Checklist10:23 Gratitude Officers Retire12:24 Mandatory Gratitude in AA22:58 Using Others To Feel Grateful32:57 Genuine Gratitude33:52 November AA Gratitude Month39:46 Spiritual Bypassing in AA46:39 "Nobody held a gun to your head"1:00:50 Reclaiming Gratitude👉 Deprogram Lounge (Deprogram community, courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Burnie + Bestie LIVE is back. Here's yesterdays livestream episode with Tara Grace from Burn the Stigma and me, Sobriety Bestie vibing in the comment section answering questions and having fun.👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
I'm starting a new weekly live show on YouTube and wanted to share the first one here with you (from yesterday).👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Sam ("Ebby Thacher" on Instagram) opens up about what it was actually like to leave AA after years of fear-based messaging, confusion, and being told that walking away was dangerous. The story dives into the shock of realizing that the “only way” wasn’t helping, the exhaustion of searching for real mental-health support, and the moment everything clicked: the problem wasn’t a lack of willingness — the problem was the system itself.What created real change was stepping outside AA ideology, learning the science, exploring harm reduction, and finally trusting personal experience over dogma. Sam’s story is honest, raw, and deeply validating for anyone who’s questioning AA. The takeaway is clear: choosing a different path is not only safe — it can be the beginning of actual healing and freedom.Timestamps00:00 Intro Leaving AA Saves Lives02:00 Leaving AA03:16 Phases of Leaving AA10:45 Therapy, IOP + Pushed to AA21:03 AA is a Cult + Rehab a Scam??36:53 First Time at AA39:18 The Allergy Mythology42:19 What Helped Sam Get Sober44:52 Cannabis Saved Sam's Life54:37 Still "In Recovery" ?1:00:42 Guilt Over Sponsoring + Self Gaslighting1:08:07 Inner Child, Healing + Internal Family Systems1:23:54 Speaking Out About Leaving AA1:28:17 Ebby Thatcher1:31:40 Hope For The Recovery Narrative1:36:20 You're Not Going To Die If You Leave AA👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Burnie + Bestie are back for our second Burnie + Bestie LIVE stream episode featuring Tara Grace from Burn The Stigma and Kirsten (me, Sobriety Bestie) discussing all the addiction and recovery things. We went live on Sunday November 16th and are thinking about making this an ongoing thing LIVE on Sobriety Bestie YouTube on Sundays at 9 am pacific.Burn The Stigma channel: @Burnthestigma420👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club. + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Most addicts and alcoholics do recover — and up to three quarters recover without any treatment. Today we’re breaking down the author of Biology of Desire, Mark Lewis’s TED Talk to explore how he got sober and what neuroscience reveals about self-trust, belief, and recovery.Mark Lewis, PhD, is a neuroscientist and former addict whose research challenges the disease model of addiction. His story offers a science-backed, empowering perspective — one rooted in self-trust, personal agency, and belief in our ability to change.Timestamps:00:00 Marc Lewis Intro0:39 Marc Lewis TED Talk01:39 Self Trust04:14 Powerful or Powerless?05:52 Delay Discounting09:05 How Marc Lewis Got Sober10:13 Addiction Recovery is Backwards👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club. + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Ever wonder why people in AA get defensive — even when you’re calm and factual? 🤔Turns out, there’s a neurological reason behind it.In this clip from a LIVE Deprogram Q+A inside the Deprogram Lounge, we dive into the science of amygdala hijack, nervous system activation, and why cultic ideologies trigger emotional, not rational, responses.If you’ve experienced backlash for speaking your truth about AA, this one’s for you.👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, Book Club + Escape Kit)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.
Leaving AA can feel impossible — not because it’s physically hard to walk away, but because of phobia indoctrination and the total lack of outside validation. When the whole world believes AA is the only way, it can feel like you’re crazy for questioning it. In this episode, I break down why that fear is programmed, how experts still miss it, and what it really means to reclaim your freedom.📚 Reading from “Cults in Our Midst” by Margaret Singer⏱️ Timestamps00:00 Intro – Hard to Leave AA01:44 The #1 Reason It’s Hard to Leave AA03:33 AA Mention in Cults in Our Midst06:15 “AA does not recruit deceptively”08:48 Informed Consent & Deceptive Recruitment09:53 “AA does not hide what membership entails”13:40 “Members can leave at any time”18:27 “Cults use members to grow the cult”24:46 Indoctrinating Others + Self-Forgiveness27:54 Warning Label on AA👉 Deprogram Lounge (Membership with courses, LIVE Q+As, Zooms, book club. + more)🧰 Escape Kit (resources to Deprogram AA) 📚 Deprogram Book List (my fave deprogram, cult recovery and critical thinking books)🌀 Deprogram AA Course (free your mind at your own pace)Let’s get f*cking free.