Somebody Save Me: The Official, but MOSTLY Unofficial, Smallville Podcast

What's the "J.S.A."?That's right nerds, it's time for the golden age heroes to make their Smallville debut. After the Star-Spangled Kid and the Sandman are murdered by a villain named "The Icicle", the gang gets together in order to find out why he is picking off retired heroes one-by-one. As Oliver pursues a high school girl, Clark and Chloe bust out the Daily Planet archives to learn that this team of heroes were framed for crimes they never committed. That team's name is The Justice Society of America. Wesley MacInnes, Jim Shield, Ken Lawson, Britt Irvin, Michael Shanks and Brent Stait make special guest appearances as DC Comics original characters Cameron Mahkent ("The Icicle"), Sylvester Pemberton ("Star-Spangled Kid"), Wesley Dodds ("Sandman"), Courtney Whitmore ("Stargirl"), Carter Hall ("Hawkman") and Kent Nelson ("Dr. Fate"), respectively. Other DC Comics character cameos include Ted Grant ("Wildcat"), Al Pratt ("The Atom"), Jay Garrick ("The Flash"), Abigail Hunkel ("Red Tornado") and Alan Scott ("Green Lantern").

Smallville Presents: Crimson, Pt. II and Zod's 9/11It's Valentine's Day and Lois refuses to do anything romantic with Clark, but he isn't helping either. After a blast of fairy dust, a.k.a. PCP, laced with Gemstone Kryptonite, Clark now has the ability to "persuade" the people he talks to. Lois becomes a traditional housewife. Chloe somehow gets worse and is a psychotic C.K. bodyguard. Even Clark persuades himself to try and kill Tess after Zod tells him she killed the clone of Jor-El (#9.7)... or did she?

SKCUS GNI***F LLITS EOLHCZatanna is back and hotter than ever before, and sort of slutty? Either way, it's time to go "BIG" at the Metropolis Wonder-Con! A kid named Alec turns into an adult superhero after reading a cursed Warrior Angel comic book, courtesy of Zatanna's late father. Chloe shows us she's into REALLY young men. Clark and Lois still won't put out for each other. Serinda Swan (Reacher, The Coroner, Ballers) makes her second appearance as DC Comics original character Zatanna Zatara.As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

"You are of value, Clark Kent."After part one, Clark and his worst friends all get together to team-up with some of the J.S.A. members. The heroes go after The Icicle once they find out his weaknesses, with some sacrifices along the way (R.I.P. Kent Nelson). Unknown to them, The Icicle was hired by Amanda Waller, an agent of a group called Checkmate. Waller, a.k.a. "The White Queen", lures Lois into her schemes, while Tess seems to be super jealous and continues to do things that make no sense.Pam Grier (Jackie Brown, The L Word) makes her debut appearance as DC Comics original character Amanda Waller.Phil Morris, Wesley MacInnes, Britt Irvin, Michael Shanks and Brent Stait all return as DC Comics original characters John Jones ("Martian Manhunter"), Cameron Mahkent ("The Icicle"), Courtney Whitmore ("Stargirl"), Carter Hall ("Hawkman") and Kent Nelson ("Dr. Fate"), respectively. As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

NO LOVERS. NO ALLIES. NO HOOKERS.Oliver's old mentor, Vordigan, comes into town to remind his former student of the vows he took. First, the Dark Archer ruins Lois and Clark's date night. Second, he attacks Chloe, who deserves it by the way. Third, he kidnaps Oliver's favorite hooker (oops, we meant "disciple") Mia, a.k.a. Speedy. Lastly, he wants an honorable death from his protege. What does Oliver do? Chokes out his hooker Speedy, and then mopes around Metropolis because Lois and Clark are dating. Steve Bacic (Andromeda) special guest stars as Vordigan, Smallville's iteration of the DC Comics original character Dark Archer. Elise Gatien (Ghost Wars, Virgin River) returns for her final appearance as DC Comics original character Mia Dearden, a.k.a. Speedy.As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

SUMMERHOLT LIVES ON!The time has come to dive into the not-so-distant future. Coming off her kissing seizure last episode, Lois gets unknowingly kidnapped by Tess and Stuart in order to unlock her future timeline memories. In this apocalyptic future, Zod and the Kandorians/Kryptonians obtain their powers under a red sun, take over the world, and turn the Kent Farm into a human concentration camp. The Idiot BFF Gang (Chloe & Oliver) find out Lois is at Belle Reve, then informs Clark so he can get inside her...memories.Big shout outs to our original Summerholt Institute folks: Dr. Lawrence Garner (we miss you)Ryan James (you were a little annoying)Molly Griggs (so hot)Lawrence Grady (bad father)The Luthors (ew)As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Two Nerdy Idiots vs. The Wonder Twins: Who is more dumb?Lois is back and is experiencing more intense visions from her trip to the future. As she attempts processing that on top of kissing Clark, Lois decides to go to therapy. Clark has two fans, Zan and Jayna, stopping crime and posing as his hero identity The Blur. While their intentions are good, the twins absolutely suck as heroes and get The Blur in the crosshairs of Metropolis' crooked District Attorney. Chloe somehow keeps beating her own record as THE WORST F***KING BFF EVER. David Gallagher (7th Heaven, Kingdom Hearts) and Allison Scagliotti (Warehouse 13, Drake & Josh) special guest star as DC Comics original characters Zan and Jayne, respectively, a.k.a. The Wonder Twins. Fun Fact: This is the first and ONLY live-action appearance of The Wonder Twins since their 1977 debut in Super Friends. As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Jor-El & Major Zod: The Last Blokes of KryptonZor-El and Lara had their turn, now it's time for Clone Jor-El to make an appearance! Jor-El arrives at the Kent farm and tells the origin of the infamous purple orb, as well as his relationship with his BFF Zod. Tess wiggles her way in-between the two BFFs in order to "protect" Clark and his identity. Clark is upset his papa doesn't care to see him (he doesn't even know you bro). Oliver is just background noise. Chloe is now back on top as the worst friend.The late Julian Sands (Arachnophobia, The Medallion) makes his first appearance as DC Comics original character Jor-El of Krypton. As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Roulette: The Chloe Sullivan EditionIt's Oliver's birthday, so why not go and place the most awful bets at the underground casino. After being roofied by the "owner" of the casino, Oliver's life becomes an insane and stupid test to prove he's still a hero inside. Lois tries to track down Oliver so she can play beer pong. Clark finds out more clues about the missing Kandorians. Oh, and have we mentioned Chloe is THE worst friend?Enjoy the show and don't forget to leave those FIVE STARS!

Smallville Presents: Fat Toy-Lover vs. Suicidal BillionaireThe infamous Winslow Schott, a.k.a. Toyman, returns this week and he's here for revenge against Oliver Queen. After Toyman's first bomb attempt against Queen Industries, Clark is gifted with the power of reading minds (thanks daddy Jor-El). Clark uses his new power to stop crime, but also to stand-up Lois on a "date" that he planned. Chloe continues to fume with jealousy of Lois' relationship with Clark. Tess tracks down Oliver and saves all the women of Mexico from his sexual harassment. The late Chris Gauthier (Watchmen, Once Upon a Time) returns as DC Comics original character Winslow Schott, a.k.a. Toyman.

28 Days Later: The Smallville EditionSeems like the writers were thin on story ideas this time around and brought us Thirst, Pt. II. A random case of kryptonite rabies has hit Metropolis, but looks like instead of vampires we get horny zombies. Clark continues his hero work while working at the Daily Planet. Oliver is still moping for no reason, and manages to let Lois turn into a zombie. Tess infects almost half the city. Chloe, who is still a villain, teams up with Emil to find a cure. Major Zod hates being left out of world-conquering plans.Enjoy the show and, as always, leave those FIVE STARS!

John Corben: Former active duty military turns grotesque cyborg psycho. Things get pretty gross this week when John Corben surgically receives a kryptonite heart after getting smashed by a truck (look both ways much?). As John starts to spiral, all he can think about is taking the The Blur down, a.k.a. Clark. Chloe is getting extremely jealous, and annoying, of Lois since Clark made her his new sidekick. Tess hired a new assistant to help track down Major Zod and the Kandorians so she can get more black eyes in bed.Brian Austin Green (Beverly Hills 90210) makes another special guest appearance as DC Comics original character John Corben, a.k.a. Metallo. As always, leave those FIVE STARS!

Smallville Presents: Kal-El and the Kryptonian BlokesWho would've thought three weeks could change so much? Clark is finally completing his training from Jor-El, but gets stalled by Lois returning from the future with a female assassin, a.k.a. Future Babe. Zod is finally here, in the flesh, and he's been beating up Tess non-stop with his Kryptonian posse. Lois meets a new reporter. Oliver joined a jeans-only fight club. Chloe is guilt tripping Clark into going back in time to save Jimmy so she can be a terrible wife again. Callum Blue (Columbiana, Princess Diaries 2) makes his first appearance as new season regular, and DC Comics original character, General Zod. Brian Austin Green (Beverly Hills 90210) makes his first appearance as DC Comics original character John Corben, a.k.a. Metallo. As always, enjoy the show and don't forget to leave the FIVE STARS!

Blood for Blood!Time for another round of Film Friday, but this time we step away from the wushu and instead immerse ourselves into The Fog at Antonio Bay. Join us in the review of the remake of John Carpenter's The Fog (1980) starring Tom Welling, Maggie Grace and Selma Blair. Is the movie worth watching? No. Do we have fun? Also no. But hey, are we the Two Nerdy Idiots? YOU BET YOUR ASS!Tom Welling stars as Nick CastleMaggie Grace stars as Elizabeth Williams/DaneSelma Blair stars as Stevie Wayne, the hottest radio DJ

T.N.I. presents: The 8th Season's Final BreathAlmost done, but not before we give the most demanded episode of each season: The Award Show. Plenty of fan nominations, a few new and fun categories, and some nice veto streaks. Thank you to the fans for another crazy season and, as always, enjoy the eighth part of our hilarious tradition.

R.I.P. Henry James Olsen, the Jimmy that never mattered.Doomsday is upon Clark, and apparently everyone in the future as well (shout out those losers in Legion). Clark wants to continue his BEST plan by splitting Davis/Doomsday, but Oliver and the Super Idiots keep telling Clark to murder Davis instead. Meanwhile, we are at the end of the Dark Chloe Saga but not before she takes Davis out on a date one last time. Lois looks to her Red-Blue Blur for guidance and support since Clark is being an a-hole. Jimmy continues to be the hero even after the writers decided to end his story as the ultimate cuck. WE STILL LOVE YOU JIMMY!!!Kyle Gallner and Alaina Huffman both make their return as DC Comics original characters Impulse (Bart Allen) and Black Canary (Dinah Lance), respectively. Aaron Ashmore makes his last series regular appearance as DC Comics original character Jimmy Olsen...or did he?

The Injustice League, a.k.a. Tess Mercer's GroupiesAfter many episodes of recruiting, Tess finally gives her meteor freak team some time to shine: hunt down and kill Doomsday. "Chloe" reappears and tells Clark he needs to kill Davis, which Oliver also agrees with (typical). Clark comes up with the best plan to stop Davis/Doomsday but needs Oliver's help, which Ollie takes as "sexually harass Tess". Jessica Parker Kennedy (Black Sails, The Flash) makes her return as DC Comics original character Bette San Souci, a.k.a. Plastique. Brendan Fletcher (Violent Night, The Revenant) special guest stars as DC Comics original character Rudy Jones, a.k.a. Parasite.Don't forget to leave those FIVE STARS!

The Dark Chloe Saga continues...Clark finds evidence that Davis is alive, so Chloe lies to Clark and tells him to go to Alaska. While Chloe continues to keep Davis in her basement, she goes to Dr. Emil Hamilton for some type of Doomsday cure. Jimmy has the nerve to ask Oliver for some "popping pills" money. We find out Davis has been sniffing Chloe's hair. Clark comes up with the best plan this season on how to get rid of Davis without killing him: Phantom Zone.

Stripperella: The Smallville EditionLois gets in a little over her head by becoming a made-up vigilante named "Stiletto" in order to write a front page story. Clark contemplates confiding in Lois as his superhero persona. Chloe chooses to keep Davis in the Talon basement as her murderous, alien, sex puppet. Jimmy finally returns, but this time as the new bartender at the Ace of Clubs in order to pay for his drug addiction: pills, baby! Dominic Zamprogna (General Hospital) makes a special guest appearance as DC Comics original character Bruno "Ugly" Mannheim. Don't forget to leave those FIVE STARS!

Smallville Stories for Children: The Last Son of VeritasThe whispers of Veritas have returned as Tess finds the long lost diary of the late Lionel Luthor. Apparently, Davis also crashed down in 1989 with Clark, but as a piece of space poop that befriended Lex for five days. Everyone finally finds out Davis is a serial killer thanks to Jimmy. Tess attempts to kill him, Clark yells at Chloe for hours, and Davis just wants a good death (Kryptonite Shower?). Don't forget to leave those FIVE STARS!