In this episode, I explain how you may be unwittingly overparenting (aka, helicopter parenting) your teen—and why doing too much for or controlling your teenager actually sets them up for failure as a young adult. I'll explain what helicopter parenting really looks like and the psychological damage it causes to our teens, young adults, or college-age kids. You'll also learn practical strategies to stop overparenting, reduce parent-teen conflict, and raise confident teenagers who can han...
It seems reasonable and logical that drug testing your teenager at home could keep them safe or at least keep them accountable. However, the opposite is actually true. Today I discuss the damage we cause when we drug test our teens at home and why drug testing is simply not practical and isn't the solution you may think it is. I'll also explain what you should do instead if you want to decrease the likelihood of your teen participating in risky behaviors. This episode (here on YouTube) will b...
Today is the eighth and final episode in my Fundamentals of Parenting Teens podcast series. If your teen shuts down around you, keeps things from you, has big emotional reactions to everything you say, or is acting out in risky ways, you probably have a connection problem. In today's episode, I explain exactly what connection means, why it's critical for parenting emotional teens, and how to build it (even when your teenager wants nothing to do with you). Listen and learn science backed...
Today is the seventh episode in my Fundamentals of Parenting Teens podcast series. If you're dealing with a teenager who seems to push back against everything you say, punishment or consequences aren’t the answer and will probably make things worse. In this episode, I'll explain why traditional discipline backfires with teenagers and what actually works instead. You'll learn why punishment creates rebellion in teens and what to do instead. You can end the constant power struggles ...
Today is the sixth episode in my Fundamentals of Parenting Teens podcast series. Do you feel helpless in the face of your teen's emotional meltdowns? Today, I'll teach you a scientifically proven technique for helping your teen actually calm down. It's called emotion coaching and it will transform how you handle your teenager's big feelings and emotional outbursts. We're going to discuss the 10 steps I believe are crucial for you to get this right and see major change in your teen. You can al...
Today is the fifth episode in my Fundamentals of Parenting Teens podcast series. Want to stop the power struggles with your teen? The secret isn't changing them—it's changing YOU. In this episode, discover how your thoughts, emotions, and reactions directly influence your teenager's behavior. I'll show you how to reappraise situations, manage stress, and create the space you need to respond thoughtfully instead of emotionally. You can also watch this series on YouTube. And be sure to listen t...
Today is the fourth episode in my Fundamentals of Parenting Teens podcast series. (Previous episodes in the series: 234, 235, and 236) If you're constantly battling with your teenager and their behavior seems to be getting worse instead of better, the problem might not be your teen—it might be your approach. In today's episode I'll explain why supporting your teen's autonomy is the key to reducing conflict, staying connected, and actually improving their behavior in the long run. I'll give yo...
Today is the third episode in my Fundamentals of Parenting Teens podcast series. (Previous episodes in the series: 234 and 235) Why do teens do such “stupid” things? Why do they take such risks? In this episode I explain the science behind why your teenager does dangerous, stupid, or reckless things—from driving too fast to sneaking out to experimenting with drugs and alcohol. Learn how your teen's reward system and "social system" of their brain are turbocharged during adolescence,...
Today is the second episode in my Fundamentals of Parenting Teens podcast series. (The first episode in the series: 234) If you're struggling with your teen's anger, emotional outbursts, and irrational behavior, this episode will help you understand and manage better. I'll explain the neuroscience behind your teenager's emotionally driven misbehavior...including how your teen's overactive amygdala (the brain's threat detector) and underdeveloped prefrontal cortex create the perfect storm for ...
Today is the first episode in my Fundamentals of Parenting Teens podcast series. I'm revisiting this series that I first published back in episodes 130 through 137. I'll be walking you through the basics that we cover in my course, The Field Guide for Teens, that you get inside Parent Camp. This is the framework I formulated over thousands of hours of research , which has helped change the relationship between so many parents and their teens. If you need help getting back to the basics and re...
I made some critical mistakes with our teenage son when we were struggling with his behavior issues. Some of us are so deeply entrenched in certain parenting strategies that we don't even recognize they're not effective (and may actually be making things worse). Life is so busy that we're usually in "reaction" mode and have little time to think in advance or look for a better way to do things. In today's episode, I'll help you understand at least some of the mistakes that you should avoid at ...
Are you struggling with difficult teen behavior, constant conflict, and feeling like nothing you do actually works? In today's episode I explain that the secret to better teen behavior isn't administering the right consequences or enforcing stricter rules—it's developing your own emotional regulation skills. Your emotions and your emotional reactions directly impact your teenager's behavior and mental health. Listen to the episode to learn the science-backed techniques that will help yo...
Are smartphones and social media really destroying teen mental health, or are we panicking as we have many times in the past? From novels, radio, and comic books, to TV violence, and violent video games...they've all been blamed for corrupting teenage minds and harming their mental health. Listen to today's episode to understand why the current research on teen mental health, smart phones, and social media is far from definitive and discover a more balanced approach to helping your teen...
A calm, structured, predictable home life is as important for teens and tweens as it is for children. Scientific research shows that the opposite will have a negative effect on adolescent's mental health and overall wellbeing and could lead to behavioral issues. In today's episode I talk about 5 ways you can interject more calm into your home with teens to help alleviate their stress (and yours) and improve their chances of avoiding negative outcomes. These tips will not only help reign in th...
Struggling to get your teen or tween to school? You're not alone. If your teen is refusing to get out of bed for school, constantly leaving early, or complaining of physical symptoms like headaches and stomach aches when it's time for school, this isn't laziness or defiance—it's likely school refusal, a real emotional and physical response that affects up to 25% of teens aged 13 to 18. Listen in as I explain the difference between school refusal and truancy, reveal the underlying ...
Thoughts lead to emotions, which lead to actions. If we don't take time to examine our thinking, we can become stuck in some very unproductive cycles in parenting our teenagers (and in other relationships). Just because we think something doesn't make it true or correct. And if our thoughts are untrue, what does that mean for our emotions and behavior? Today I talk about how cognitive biases, distortions, assumptions and shortcuts in our thinking can keep us in some very negative cycles of em...
Neurotypical teens, teens without any mental health disorders at all, experience emotional dysregulation from time to time (some more than others). This is simply a byproduct of their changing brain and an oversensitive threat detector (the brain's amygdala). But teens with ADHD, certain mood disorders, and personality disorders are much more likely to experience intense mood swings and even more pronounced emotional dysregulation. And that's not the only symptom overlap between these disorde...
I talked about parenting out of fear in the very first episode of this podcast. Because my own fear is what led me down such a long hard path with my son, I wanted to make sure you were aware of the issues it causes. Now that I've been able to work for a couple of years on refining this message, I'm back to share again why we must not let our anxious thoughts derail our parenting. This issue comes up over and over in the Speaking of Teens Facebook group and in Parent Camp. Fear for our Teenag...
When someone hurts your child, physically or emotionally, no matter if they're 10 or 25, you want it to stop immediately. And bullying is one of those things you may not even be aware of. You won't see it and you won't likely even know about it unless your teen or tween tells you. In this episode, I'll tell you what to watch out for, how to talk to your teen about their bullying problem and give you step by step instructions for dealing with the issue. Show Notes and Transcript ...
Your teen's autonomy, the level to which they are allowed to make their own decisions, their ability to handle mistakes and the natural consequences from those mistakes - all of this has a huge impact on their later independence, and ability to cope as an emerging adult. Today I’m going to talk to you about how, despite your best intentions to protect your child from all the bad stuff, keep them out of trouble, make sure they’re successful, that they make good choices, that they don’t fall fl...