Stimulus & Response

Endings—and beginnings. The many connotations of “Where are you from?” Model minority. Inside an outsider. Myth, liberation, and mental illness. Childhood vigilance -> lucid dreaming. “Intimate relationship with my inner life.” The tension between self-protection and connection. Collective creative work. Stargazing as a moral and spiritual compass. Integration + intention = good endings. Learning what you’re taught. Rites of passage. Sobriety. Rest -> renew. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com Nirmala: https://nirmalanataraj.com Foreign Bodies: https://foreignbodies.net Marion Woodman, “Leaving My Father’s House”: https://www.shambhala.com/leaving-my-father-s-house.html George Smoot: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Smoot

Unit of self. Are we separate from everyone and everything else, or are we all connected? Fingers on a hand. Forced isolation = famine. Catch. Keith Sawyer on group flow. Us-vs.-them-ism. Tonglen meditation. Comparing chickadees. “A human being is having this feeling.” The best—and worst—I can do. Wall of wins. We’re all in this together. Being with. (Original air date: 8/3/2020) Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com “The Social Brain and Its Superpowers” (Matthew Lieberman TedX talk): https://youtu.be/NNhk3owF7RQ “What Mel Brooks Can Teach Us about ‘Group Flow’” by Keith Sawyer: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_mel_brooks_can_teach_us_about_group_flow/ Jeremy’s book on community farming, “Growing a Garden City”: http://jeremynsmith.com/growing-a-garden-city.html “How to Practice Tonglen” by Pema Chödrön: https://www.lionsroar.com/how-to-practice-tonglen/ & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x95ltQP8qQ Quote Jeremy attributed to his sister attributing to Maya Angelou: “The best a person can do, I can do. And the worst a person can do, I can do.” “Cosmic Eye”(Google scales of the universe) video: https://youtu.be/8Are9dDbW24 “You Would Rather Endure Electric Shocks Than Sit Alone With Your Thoughts, Study Finds”: https://time.com/2950919/alone-with-thoughts/ Thich Nhat Hanh, “The Heart of Understanding,” on “interbeing”: “If you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper. Without a cloud, there will be no rain; without rain, the trees cannot grow; and without trees, we cannot make paper. If we look even more deeply, we can see the sunshine, the logger who cut the tree, the wheat that became his bread, and the logger’s father and mother. Without all of these things, this sheet of paper cannot exist. In fact, we cannot point to one thing that is not here—time, space, the earth, the rain, the minerals in the soil, the sunshine, the cloud, the river, the heat, the mind. Everything co-exists with this sheet of paper. So we can say that the cloud and the paper ‘inter-are.’ We cannot just be by ourselves alone; we have to inter-be with every other thing.”

Anger—and every other feeling—management. Feelings as information and alarm bells. “Name it to tame it” and the "description prescription.” Emotional ID and body scan -> create space. Meeting conflict hack: “That’s a big statement. I’m going to need a moment to process that.” Triple loop learning. Personal philosophy and daily intentions = roots. A user manual for yourself. The practice zone and the performance zone. The video camera test. Chattering teeth. The blow hole. I am this feeling -> This feeling is happening to me -> This feeling is happening. (Original air date: 7/20/2020) Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com “Triple Loop Learning”: https://medium.com/vertical-learning/triple-loop-learning-c2193dba794f & https://educationtechnologysolutions.com/2017/03/triple-loop-learning/ Adam Bryant and Adam Grant on creating your own “user manual”: https://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/31/business/questbacks-lead-strategist-on-his-user-manual.html & https://www.adamgrant.net/wondering-archives (scroll down) Michael Gervais on “Living in Alignment with Your Personal Philosophy”: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/living-alignment-your-personal-philosophy-michael-gervais/ Google study on the #1 metric for high-performing teams: psychological safety: https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/google-spent-years-studying-effective-teams-this-single-quality-contributed-most-to-their-success.html

Cover story and secret garden. Potluck introductions. Silicon Valley TedTalk squirt gun fight. Our multiple avatars. Secret garden examples. Autotelic flow consciousness state. Persistence, curiosity, low ego, and collaboration. Exploration world vs. productivity world. “Yes and” mentality. Being present vs. being in control. “The stories we follow follow us.” Choosing or being chosen? Social media. What does it mean to be productive? Suck! Can you make your secret garden your cover story? Can your mindset be your secret garden? (Original air date: 6/29/2020) Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com Matt Mullins/Black Rooster Productions: https://vimeo.com/mattmullins “Suck at Something” by Karen Rinaldi: https://bookshop.org/books/it-s-great-to-suck-at-something-the-unexpected-joy-of-wiping-out-and-what-it-can-teach-us-about-patience-resilience-and-the-stuff-that-really-matte-9781508266785/9781501195761 “How to embrace the suck and develop mental toughness”: https://medium.com/superhuman-by-science/how-to-embrace-the-suck-and-develop-mental-toughness-68305776d6d1 Jason’s cover story: “I’m trying to live a low-stress lifestyle.”

Jeremy offers a guided meditation called "Time." As discussed in Episode 11: Deep Time. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com

Pandemic time. “I’m doing the wrong thing. I’m doing it wrong. And I’m way behind.” Yesterday and tomorrow. Engagement and graduation. My grandmother, the one-year-old. Flying cars—and back to fire. Geologic time scale. Why zebras don’t get ulcers. Simultaneity. The miracle—and trauma—of being born. The book of everything that ever will have happened. Do you need to be remembered? Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone utterly beyond. What’s left in the pot. Playing with my daughter. “When things feel big, go small.” (Original air date: 8/10/2020) Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com Geologic time scale: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geologic_time_scale “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers” by Robert Sapolsky: https://bookshop.org/books/why-zebras-don-t-get-ulcers-revised-and-updated/9780805073690 Heart sutra (Prajñāpāramitā) mantra: http://visiblemantra.org/heart.html & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vNbEjdfJCI

In the weeks ahead, we're doing some behind-the-scenes stuff for the show, but we wanted to keep the feed coming, so we're going to offer a mix of previous episodes and new guided meditations. We hope you enjoy. Please keep spreading the word and sharing your feedback. Thanks!

Relax to Sleep Guided Hypnosis by Dr. Leanne Lawrence, with vocal talent Laura Lockwood. ****DO NOT LISTEN where a driver or a person operating machinery might hear it.**** Leanne Lawrence “Mind Manual Meditation & Hypnosis” YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoxd6unhqrMA8GHfpP96UrQ

Introduction to Relax to Sleep guided hypnosis by Dr. Leanne Lawrence, with vocal talent Laura Lockwood. Leanne Lawrence “Mind Manual Meditation & Hypnosis” YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoxd6unhqrMA8GHfpP96UrQ

“A leaflet blew into my hand.” Stress and snoring—solved! Hypnosis patient to practitioner. Hypnosis for PTSD, high blood pressure, and kidney failure. Positive relaxation. Hypnosis = guided meditation. The seasick surfer. “I like to think of it as going into the settings on your phone.” Performance + deep recovery. Hypnosis in politics and advertising. Hypnothoughts in Vegas. 97% of daily actions are not choices. Paving neural highways. How to try hypnosis. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com Leanne Lawrence “Mind Manual Meditation & Hypnosis” YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoxd6unhqrMA8GHfpP96UrQ “Psychology Today” on Hypnosis: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/hypnosis Hypnothoughts Conference: https://htlive.net John Moyer YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCplENmIrdL3QtCb7cO-Qp7w Michael Sealey YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/MichaelSealey

How to go (back) to sleep. The blame game -> acceptance. Avoiding the second arrow. Jack Kornfield: “Why is it that you feel you need my attention right now?” Skepticism. Jeremy’s blanket rule. The muse does not call 911. Mindfulness and the ball trick. Did you see the gorilla? Self-compassion and connection with other people. The upside of getting up. Sleep hygiene, hypnosis, and practice. Acceptance—and gratitude—all over again. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com Tara Brach, “Radical Acceptance”: https://bookshop.org/books/radical-acceptance-embracing-your-life-with-the-heart-of-a-buddha/9780553380996 Jack Kornfield: https://jackkornfield.com Jeremy’s blanket rule: “I don’t believe anything I think between 8 p.m. and 6 a.m.” The ball trick: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cups_and_balls The invisible gorilla: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo “Healthy Sleep Habits”: http://sleepeducation.org/essentials-in-sleep/healthy-sleep-habits Michael Sealey hypnosis tracks: https://www.youtube.com/user/MichaelSealey

The grumpy father of positive psychology. Positive emotions. Expand the neutral space. Re-thinking “How are you?” Triple-level engagement. Relationships and asking questions. Connective silence. Finding meaning and meaning finding you. Wall of wins. Get in the dirt. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com PERMA: Positive emotions • Engagement • Relationships • Meaning • Accomplishments Dr. Martin Seligman: https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/people/martin-ep-seligman PERMA: https://positivepsychology.com/perma-model/ Jeremy’s book on community farms and gardens: https://bookshop.org/books/the-urban-garden-how-one-community-turned-idle-land-into-a-garden-city-and-how-you-can-too/9781629143996

The energy body. Ignorant, skeptical, and interested. Reiki. Chakras. Hands. Playing the air accordion. Feeling your body from the inside out. Qigong. Cleaning the energy. Sensory check-in. Force, flow, and fire. Interoception. Verbal -> visceral. Half hour of yoga nidra = 4 hours of deep sleep. “How good can I let myself feel?” Go low—what’s really happening? Fluid + motion = flow. The energy it takes to hold down energy. New Orleans marching band. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com “What is Energy Work?”: https://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-energy-work.htm Damon’s brother-in-law on reiki: http://danielsteven.org/reiki-in-san-francisco/ Chakra: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chakra “Qigong Full 20-Minute Daily Routine”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwlvTcWR3Gs Yoga Nidra guided meditation exercise: https://youtu.be/KJyES0Wi-fc “NEW ORLEANS: KINFOLK BRASS BAND - Street Parade”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqKgFBWdLLQ

Damon’s teen tennis stardom. Breakdown: “This wave of sheer terror went through my body.” Embarrassment and shame -> empathy. The yips. Breaking your nose walking across a room. Negative self-talk -> welcoming the shadow self -> finding beauty in the weeds. Fear of failure—and fear of success. Pains of change. Point the camera outward & “hide self view” happiness hack. Teammates. Behavior > thought. “My strength is my weakness.” Yeah! Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com The yips: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yips Post-traumatic growth: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/post-traumatic-growth/ “Tired of Seeing Your Own Face on Zoom? Hide It.”: https://slate.com/technology/2020/04/how-to-hide-face-zoom.html Damon: “If I could go back to my 17-year-old self and give them any piece of advice during the horror of all that, it would have been, ‘Become obsessed with helping all of your teammates out. Get out of your own self and turn out and help somebody else.’” Ryan Holiday, “The Obstacle is the Way”: https://bookshop.org/books/the-obstacle-is-the-way-the-timeless-art-of-turning-trials-into-triumph/9781591846352 “Weakness!” (Jeremy and his daughter discuss why weakness can be a strength): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you-must-know-everything/id1506798319?i=1000491311610 & https://open.spotify.com/episode/2QZS80EZ2iahO5xHq0VXmp The Flaming Lips, “The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjrUOlK2714 & https://open.spotify.com/track/2mlIzqDE7RaMaMx1UPdsXL

Building “base values” from scratch. “I treat everybody as they are as a soul and not categorized into something.” Two equations for solo travel: 1. Good will + good conscience > language barrier; 2. Adaptation = authentic learning - judgment. Traveler spirit in daily life. Happiness = being grateful for the simple things + having theories and running experiments. Finding excitement and creativity during COVID. Everyone has a choice, no matter what. “Hidden”/“hinting” coaching & “coaching from behind.” The more beautiful choice. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com "Takako Hoshi On Coaching One of the Best Teams in the World," Gymclimber.com: https://www.gymclimber.com/takako-hoshi-on-coaching-one-of-the-best-teams-in-the-world/ Why Japanese Climbers are so Incredible: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9g8lKx2DfYY Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: The Pursuit of Happiness (https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/mihaly-csikszentmihalyi/): “The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times.… The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.” Takako: “If you choose to look at how lucky we are, we’ll be centered. And if you are centered, and if you value yourself without judgement, without fear, then you can create and provide for the greater good. And if you're appreciative, if you feel grateful, and give this to the world, the world will give back to you. And if we loop like that, I think it’s enough and we are enough.”

“The game.” What is the environment I’ve been transported into? Scenarios and scoring: toothbrushing, homework help, a walk in the park. “The mind is always rambling on about experiences, but it cannot deliver an experience.” The interpreter vs. embodied awareness. Intuition -> intention. “How can I maximize my physical comfort?” Conversation dropdown list. Passivity vs. presence: play or be played. “When you die in the game, you die in real life.” You can do things—but you can only do one thing at a time. Awareness > outcome. Handicaps. Letting in experience also means letting in consequences and emotions. Game on. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com Simulation theory: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simulation_hypothesis Role-playing game: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Role-playing_game “The VR headset that could take virtual reality mainstream”: https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2020-10-14-the-vr-headset-that-could-take-virtual-reality-mainstream/ Quote attributed to Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” (Details: https://quoteinvestigator.com/2018/02/18/response/)

Being wrong—including about yourself. Saboteurs. The ouch underneath the ouch. “It’s not that people don’t tell each other the truth. They don’t tell *enough* of the truth.” Algorithms vs. And-ing. Reconciliation vs. coexistence. Exposure therapy. I->You->A Person. Media fast. Scope of action. "How can I be nice to myself in this moment?" Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com Kathryn Schultz, “Being Wrong”: https://bookshop.org/books/being-wrong-adventures-in-the-margin-of-error/9780061176050 & “On Being Wrong” TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_on_being_wrong Saboteurs assessment: https://www.positiveintelligence.com/assessments/ Pareto Principle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareto_principle Person Weekly: https://twitter.com/personweekly

Job stress vs. combat stress. Experiencing thoughts. PTSD brain. Trauma -> Enlightenment. Coping mechanisms as self-attack. “Stress creates amnesia.” Ice cream sandwich in the sauna. Love everyone practice. Flipping the mirror. “What is the one thing I could do…that I would actually do?” Doing your emotional laundry. Abiding and non-abiding enlightenment. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com Matt Gangloff: matt.gangloff@gmail.com Eckhart Tolle quote, from “The Power of Now”: “‘I cannot live with myself any longer.’ This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. ‘Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the ‘I’ and the ‘self’ that ‘I’ cannot live with.’ ‘Maybe,’ I thought, ‘only one of them is real.’” "Love everybody and tell the truth": https://jivamuktiyoga.com/fotm/love-everybody-and-tell-truth/ Ram Dass: https://www.ramdass.org

Two dimensions of existence: thinking (mind/past and future) and sensory (body/present). Punishing fantasies and paradisiacal reality. The jackhammer test. A maze vs. amaze. Jeremy’s float tank experience. The third dimension: being (flame/timeless). Activation. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com “Wandering Mind is Not a Happy Mind” (Harvard study): https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2010/11/wandering-mind-not-a-happy-mind/ “Everything You Need to Know about Sensory Deprivation Tank Therapy”: https://www.healthline.com/health/sensory-deprivation-tank “My Stroke of Insight” by Jill Bolte Taylor: https://bookshop.org/books/my-stroke-of-insight-a-brain-scientist-s-personal-journey/9780452295544

Jeremy’s “Mad Men” grandmother. The age you’re stuck in forever. Self-aware > high-flying. Wounded child at the wheel. “I thought you said he was never going to live with us.” Recreating the trauma as skill. A shocking suicide. Going to the clipboard. Talking to your inner 10-year-old. Listening to your inner 90-year-old. The next generation. “You have inherent value and worth because you are a human being and alive.” Becoming integrated. Cut-outs. Inner archeology. Stimulus & Response: https://stimulus-response.com Damon: https://www.sidestreetcoaching.com Jeremy: http://jeremynsmith.com Jeremy’s grandmother: https://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/09/nyregion/09schur.html FIRO theory (fundamental interpersonal relations orientation): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_interpersonal_relations_orientation & https://www.thehumanelement.com/firo-theory/ “Finding and Getting to Know Your Inner Child”: https://www.healthline.com/health/inner-child