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Hi, I’m James and this is my personal journal.
I have difficulty sometimes with words, so I wanted to keep a journal that wouldn’t involve them. Instead I try to communicate by improvising a piece of music every week.
Some call it ambient and post-rock. It has things in common with those, and others. Abstract and impressionist, it changes.
It’s me, recorded most often in a moment and not repeated, it contains all the happy accidents* that occur with this sort of thing. It often has a soothing effect and is meant to be listened to, but can work in the background.
Check out other things I do at strangetextures.com.
140 Episodes
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Turks and Caicos 2014
I have often used my self to control others. Who I present as, how I hide parts and play parts and reflect others, reflect their objectives, ambitions, and fears.
The masks I’ve worn help to blend in, wider it creates tribes, separates us from others while creating a belonging, an influential presence.
Maybe being in control of your appearance is the norm. I find it difficult. I’d rather be mask-less and control the impulses I have so I can proceed with response, considered with Love.
Isle of Man 1999
Does control feel like safety to you? It’s been making me feel less and less safe over the years. The discharge of responsibility without the exercise of control can be perilous in more than one direction.
But to actually control feels more risky. Perhaps in extreme circumstances it is warranted – I don’t believe in absolutes so have to accept that there could be a place for it.
But it worries me.
New York State 1830
Sometimes I think the argument goes like this: “if I can’t quickly decide what category to put you in, how can I behave in an appropriate manner rapidly? That would mean I’m at risk in case you are due deference, or I might miss out on a chance of food or sex. Therefore you making it hard for me to judge is a threat for which you must pay.”
I think I’d prefer to not judge and to not decide anything on these lines but interact on an ongoing basis as a thinking, feeling, individual.
It’s the middle of the season, so I thought a little additional notes was called for. Probably the penultimate one in fact, I peek a bit behind the scenes but not too much (unless anyone asks me, why talk about it?).
Also I recommend a few things:
Gravitons Festival
Transverse Tempo
The Indie Beat
The Neighborhood Listen
The Last Frontier
Daylight Station 2047
Of course, following a path that is mysterious, magical, invisible, and possibly imaginary isn’t the easiest thing to do. Words aren’t very helpful either. So I think the best I can do is play some music and offer some pointers.
Perhaps pointers about music, art, comedy, thinking, belief are the only useful and free things to provide. After all, the important part is that you make the decisions yourself.
Oxford 1967
There is no magic in this world, only Love. But I mean, how much more magic would you like? Beyond words, what is there really?
In fact, including words, what is there really? Science keeps finding more things reality is made of. When I say Love, maybe I mean mystery. Maybe I mean magic. Maybe there is no name for it, just a movement, a pattern, a path.
Maybe just follow the path?
Mengcheng 221
Is closeness a thing? Being close to a lake is very different to being close to a tsunami. If closeness is to mean something, shouldn’t we account for the difference in potential outcome and current impact in some way?
The words don’t always carry the story. From a different perspective, words are very unimportant and misleading.
I need to go beyond them.
Let’s rewatch Parks and Rec from the start.
Wyoming 1994
Not having a tribe has its advantages too. No peer pressure (because no peers). Freedom to identify and associate. No (or fewer) social rules.
And having no tribe doesn’t mean no friends, no belonging. It means fewer shortcuts, individuals interacting and getting along together.
Who can beat a quiet moment sat in the Sun? Silent. A close partner and favourite pet enjoying a moment of being at one.
Calm.
Los Angeles 1940
It’s easy to get lost. Actually, historically, or metaphorically. Nietzsche says “Be Hard” (rude), “and what is done for Love is beyond Good or Evil”. That can help me get lost. They say “find your tribe”. In some ways that’s the thing that can keep you found – your tribe.
I lost my first tribe, never really fitted in anywhere. Maybe somewhere there is an imaginary tribe of those of us that don’t belong?
We could never meet. Never act like a tribe because that’s the thing that excludes us. But we’re here. I know we’re out there, a hidden tribe of isolated people.
Varna 1897
Just because Love must always be attempted doesn’t mean there are no things that must be fought. It is possible for evil to exist, but it is rare. Much less rare is for people to commit actions perceived as evil. Even less rare are actions that are hurtful, or thoughtless, or uncaring.
I stand against these with Love. That’s not to say my methods are limited, but always in tune with the way. I try to act with and in Love.
Metropolitan Area 1995
Love. Beyond sweeping statements. Beyond talking. There is Love. Expressing it is really the only thing there is. So many ways it can be done, and so many ways it can be withheld.
It can be painful to withhold, it fundamentally hurts us. And yet this can be said to hurt less than being open to love, amplifying and transmitting it.
Understandable then that we are sometimes cut off. We try even if we don’t always succeed. We all fail and it’s good because we’re human.
Vienna 1889
After I set my stall out as being non-judgemental, welcoming of mistake and failure with its essential humanity, unwilling to codify behaviour and trying to treat people and moments as individual instances deserving of care, compassion, and consideration it suddenly becomes really difficult to make big sweeping statements. So I become quieter.
It is Springtime here and the mountains are lovely.
Additional Notes for October 2025. Might be the only additional notes episode this season, I ramble on a bit about why, what next, and make some media recommendations.
I got another postcard:
Space, Worp 0.5
I prefer to not codify right and wrong. It seems like a difficult job to me although I can see the benefit in terms of making it easy to separate things, cut down on thinking, and boost your own ego.
It’s less easy, and I don’t always manage it but I try to only decide if I really have to, not judging seems better to me. So I try to apply Care, Compassion, and Consideration individually as appropriate.
And Airplane II is on.
Season 6 starts now, just about in time for the autumn equinox.
New England 1954.
If you don’t fit in. If you are always wrong. If you make mistakes.
Welcome.
We make mistakes. We fail. Because we try. We care. We aim to do good things, for ourselves, and for others. We have standards we sometimes fall short of.
But we celebrate the mistakes, the fails, because they are what makes us human.
It is raining.
Ssssshhhhhh! Don’t tell anyone but here is the only place to get the Secret Solstice episode! It’s also where I tell you that I did the thing and have some albums to release.
As loyal listeners, you get to know first. There will be a proper release plan and stuff going on at some point (probably), but for now, just for you, there are three new albums if you want to have a look. I’ve described the series as “Play” and they consist of
An Observed Earth
Heartland Captives
Everyone Elsewhere
And you can get them - pay what/if you want from the website here.
Have a good solstice!
The last additional notes for season 5. Ebows, evolution, and excitement. Looking forward to Uncanny summer specials and catching up on Poker Face season 2.
This might be an odd way to do a 100th episode and final in the season, but I’m staying true to the intent - it’s been a mixed day and this is ambiguous, not simply happy or sad but a mixture of happy and frustrated and comforted and many other things all at the same time.
Additional Notes for 29/05/2025.
Other than talking a bit about space, playing less, and thinking about highlight albums, here are the links that I mention:
Bonkcast EP (my Bonk Wave/No Bonk Wave tracks)
Melondruie - Variations on Into the depthsan excellent album to get and listen to
This Occasional Society Newsletter Signup - worth getting this each month and the archive of past newsletter is linked so you can see
I mean it how it is, how it sounds. Sculptures made out of fractured breath. Whose breath? Ssshhh, that’s a secret.
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