BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing?So many people who have been in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD with Co-Morbid Narcissistic Personality Disorder are caught in a trauma bond ruminating and trying to figure out who is the person behind the idealization and love bombing when there isn't a "real person" inside at all, only a false self. The intermittent reinforcement within the trauma bond with someone with BPD or BPD/NPD keeps Codependents stuck in circles of (often misinformation) trying to give their own explanations oroffer up erroneous ones or misinterpretations taken from perhaps listening to or reading too many contradictory sources online.The person you fell in love with doesn't exist. The person behind the idealization and the love bombing is the false self that protects the lost self in Borderlines and Narcissists.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To HealBPD Breakup or discard is so painful and so confusing for so many peoplewho have, but may not realize it, Codependency. Getting into therapy and going no contact is the way to identify your codependent part in the dynamicand to heal. Choose to no longer stay stuck in excessive obsessive focus onthe Borderline and what they did, why they did it because that focus willkeep the trauma bond in tact. You need to break that betrayal bond in orderto heal.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary ProjectionPeople who are Quiet Borderlines, the Discouraged sub-type of BPD, when triggered have a fawn/freeze response. They withdraw. You can't pull words out of them. Theydon't hear you. They may take space, or ghost you in a patterned way, and you don'tget it. You are trying to understand what the quiet borderline is doing. Many withCodependency think that it is the Quiet Borderline creating conflict when very oftenthat's not the case. They are re-experiencing "lack of self" as the introjectedpersecutory object they were to a parent. People with Codependency need to understandyour (often unconscious) reactionary projection about a significant part of the conflictthat you experience and think is all coming from the person with Quiet BPD. Codependentswill benefit from stopping their own repetition compulsion of pursuit of a Quiet Borderlinewho is deep inside re-experiencing inner persecution - they take on the role of the wounding parent or parents and that's not seeking conflict or any type of fight/flight.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderline Groundhog Day Repetition & Codependent Fantasy Borderline Groundhog Day repetition compulsions are pretty much every day (untreated) and people with Codependency are still trying to change the Fantasy Bond. People with Codependency end up in the fantasy while (untreated) people with BPD live each day or most days as yet another groundhog day of their own unconscious repetition compulsions. Want or need to understand why your Borderline doesn't see you or hear you, devalues, blames you, feels like a victim and can't learn from the daily repetition compulsions cycles?https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Relationship or Breakup - Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?An inauthentic Youtuber who prior to March 2024 had 63,000 subscribers and now has bought her way up to 150+ subscribers, and counting, did one of her usual fluff so called "deep dive" into this silly title, "Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?"In my alternative for those who find it and will benefit from much more information and resonate with this podcast (episode) I identity the following about Codependency for so many that are in a relationship, are recycling a BPD Relationship, been ghosted and/or discarded by a partner or now Ex with BPD and who are suffering immeasurably and can't stop ruminating. Still stuck painfully in the cognitive dissonance of what happened. Many remain confused for months to years unable to break the trauma bond that you must break to heal and recover from the BPD Breakup and from Codependency. In this episode I explain the following:4 Codependent Themes15 Core Traits15 Childhood Causes 7 Benefits of Professional Help in Recoveryhttps://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Am I a Codependent in a Heartbreaking Cycle Of a Bpd Relationship or Breakup?Am I a Codependent, are you a Codependent in a heartbreaking cycle of a BPD relationship and Breakup - ghosted, discarded, had to end it yourself? In a BPD Relationship, recycling a BPD Relationship, or have you been ghosted or discarded - are you new to or still suffering from a BPD Breakup? Are you still unsure how to answer the questions, "Am I a Codependent?" Do you want that person with BPD back, are you totally focused on the on/off BPD - the Ex with BPD - still hoping, or did it all end a while ago or years ago but you still continue to hurt, watch videos, and ruminate?Why realizing what Codependency really means and how it applies to you is the only way to heal (working with an expert in this area, like myself) and be able to move on and be truly free from anything to do with that person with BPD and all you have been wounded by.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Relationship Dynamics Codependents Staying But Not Taking It and Fighting BackBPD relationships dynamics with codependents who are staying in the relationship "not taking it" and are fighting back thinking that this isn't codependent and that somehow it means you are not still getting very hurt and negatively impacted by all that people with BPD do that wounds those closest to them. What does fighting back look like and what is the result of it when on is doing that but still staying in a BPD relationship? The betrayal bond dynamics in relationships with a person with BPD and a person with Codependency aren't all just one-sided.Session(s) With A.J. Mahari
Empower Someone With BPD To End Unhealthy Life Choices Claims An Inauthentic YoutuberI keep it real to help you heal!An inauthentic subscriber purchasing Youtuber misinforms in the worst way possible by blamingpeople with Codependency as if you need to be "perfect" before you try to have all those "conversations" with someone in your life with BPD or else the borderline will just blame you.People with BPD don't take personal responsibility and it's not your job to be a "role model"or make sure as this Youtuber claims, "that your side of the fence is cleaned up first" to what, talk to a person with BPD abusing and using you? This Youtuber has bought over 70,000 "fake" subscribers in April and May 2024 (perhaps still on-going?) and allegedly also purchased thousands of views on her video of a similar titlebecause her messages don't make sense and she isn't the "expert" she wants everyone to think she is.An in authentic Youtuber blaming victims of abusive borderlines and suggesting that you should be ableto "empower them" to stop "unhealthy life choices" that result from BPD. She sounds like a lost puppy,a rampant Codependent but what else is wrong with her that she needs to try to buy her way to "more credibility" while putting out the garbage "information" that she does. You can't empower a person with BPD to end the unhealthy life choices they make. Those choices will continue and continue to hurt you as will any notion or belief on your part that you aren't "perfect" enough for a person with BPD who uses you can can't love you.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Break The Betrayal Bond BPD or NPD Ex or Adult Child & CodependencyPeople who have been in a relationship with a person with Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and those who may also have a BPD or NPD parent need to recognize their woundedness from childhood to be able to heal Codependency. You cannot break a betrayal or fantasy bond with a BPD Ex, NPD Ex and/or BPD or NPD parent until and unless you work with someone who is, as I am, an expert in this area to help you heal and recover from a Borderline or Narcissist while healing your codependency which is the only way to break that fantasy bond or betrayal bond and know yourself better, and/or reclaim yourself.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Stop The Cycle of Bpd's Using You As An Atm and a Vending Machine In Relationship RecyclingAre you someone still in a relationship or in the on/off BPD Breakup relationship recycling with a person with (especially untreated) BPD? You are likely someone with Codependency. Codependents - BPD Ex's or partners and Ex-on/off partners of Borderlines are BPD ATM & vending machines on empty as each cycle rollercoaster ride takes more and more from you, depleting you as you continue to lose yourself more and more. You can't make the relationships work - fantasy bonded relationship impossibility.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Losing Yourself Trying to Nurture and Aid a Borderline?In a response to a Codependent commenter on a video I did about Borderlines Lying and manipulation whether it is on purpose, calcuulated or not - it is what it is, this person who left a semi=hostile but Codependent denying comment thought that it shouldbe possible for partners, Ex's or friends of someone with BPD to nurture them and aidthem as they stressed this MUST be possible. No, it really isn't.This person's Codependent denial "take-away" they ascribe to my video is evidence of their own denial and twisting of what I said because they don't want to or aren't ready to realize thereality that one needs to find outside of a tantasy bond with a Borderline, You need totake care of yourself, not continue to think or believe or fantasize about nurturing andaiding - rescuing, changing, or fixing a person with BPD while you are being traumatizedand keep losing more and more of yourself and getting more confused about why "love" hurts so much.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Quiet Discouraged Subtype Specific Traits and Shocking DiscardsThe quiet Borderline subtype known and described as the Discouraged Borderline. A look at this presentation and manifestation of Borderline Personality Disorder.The specific Quiet BPD subtype traits are discussed as well as the reasons why a Discouraged Borderline's shocking discard is one of the most painful relationship endings. Cold discards by the Quiet Borderline that are not your fault.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Salacious BPD Women Are Not Dreams But Relationship NightmaresEvery person with Borderline Personality, their lives matter and are worth living. But in response to an objectified erroneous and pathological veneration of Borderline Women that goes way too far via his perspective as a malignant narcissist. Some of his video "Borderline's Life is Worth Living Technicolor Adventure" is in some aspects very dark and not only misses the mark in places but objectives the "Borderline Woman" as he seems to covet the emotionality of people with BPD but misrepresents it for his own duper's delight and Narcissistic supply. I want to present an alternative voice and remind you that if you are not, like said Youtuber is, a malignant narcissist or a Narcissist, as a Codependent, believing his wayward message will be very harmful, dark and dangerous for you. Salacious Borderline Women are not "dreams" they are unfortunately relationship nightmares. You need to get off the BPD rollercoaster trauma bond that you are losing or have lost yourself on.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Breakup Obsession & Codependent Excuses Waiting to Be Rescued By Who?Please note: At two points in this (passionate) episode I mention being very fed up with many of the excuses like the commenter I respond to in this episode. I am referring to being fed up withpeople on social media, denying their Codependency and making excuses - I am very patient andnot ever fed up at all with working with any singal client. In the video I was able to add thison screen but thought it best to add in the description here.BPD Breakup Obsession and seemingly endless Codependent (Ex of BPD or on/off) excuses waiting (perhaps unconsciously in many cases) to be rescued and by someone - who? The Borderline can't rescue you. If you believe, like the commenter I respond to here, in God, you may like this commenter be waiting for God to rescue you. God is not going to rescue anyone either. If you don't believe in God, or practice any faith or religion than please apply this to your own spiritual context and/or beliefs. The message that is most important is that you need to take personal responsibility to end the betrayal bonded relationship and take action to get into therapy and your own healing and recovery process. Heal and recover from the BPD or NPD Relationship breakup and Codependency,, truly find yourself. The first step, is just take action to start working with someone. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderlines Can’t Find Love Or Love You From Your Perspective - Borderlines Don't Take Your Identity or Self or Mental Image and then find love from that perspectiveBorderlines can't find love or feel love for you from your perspective, or mental image or somehow by "taking" your identity or self from you to see your perspective at all. Too many people with Codependency believe this because you really want to believe who you thought the person with BPD was who seemed to love you would really be findable again so you would be being loved and seen and heard. This is just not how people with BPD are or how they "relate" to significant others. They really do not know how to love you because they don't know themselves.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Petulant BPD Rage Uses You and The Why Insight of a Recovered BorderlinePetulant Borderlines use you when they rage at you. A borderline rage does make them feel better at your expense. They are often not aware of what is happening for your or how you are affected by them. Self-awareness deficits in untreated BPD mean that Borderlines are too engulfed and absorbed with their own dysregulated feelings to even be aware of how they are using you - this does not excuse what they are actually doing to you. How you are not seen or heard by them. Often after a Petulant BPD rage the person with BPD feels much better while you are left reeling. They are ready to carry on, and you are shell-shocked. They don't have a frame of reference from their rage to hear how hurt and/or devastated you are. BPD Rage episodes are not ever resolved in relationships.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderline Splitting Cycles Mixed With Codependent Denial Borderline splitting cycles mixed with Codependent denial fuel the betrayal bonded dynamics of cognitive dissoncance, falsely believing and defending that a BPD partner or BPD Ex "loves" you. Denial of one's own Codependency is often a conscious and unconscious driver of people continuing to pursue the fantasy of BPD Relationship "love". Untreated people with Borderline Personality Disorder can't and don't love you. Can you relate to believing a person with BPD "loves" you and continue to be fooled by (and fool yourself) that Borderline inconsistency, incongruence, and lack of words and actions having any unity with each other still somehow means, against all odds, that the person you love with BPD, are dating, or in a relationship with who has BPD really "loves" you? This is how people with Codependency continue to lose more and more of "self" to the splitting cycles of people with BPD who have no "self" from which to love you. They are seeking identity through you. The person with BPD, in a way, is taking you from you to try to meet their own needs in "object other" unhealthy "relating" that just isn't healthy love at all.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Recontacting Your BPD Ex (Reverse Hoovering) Increases Your Suffering Recontacting your BPD Ex is reverse hoovering and it increases Codependents suffering. Many people with Codependency are still in denial of the reverse hoovering responsibility that they have. No matter how the relationship "ended" or if it is on/off and/or being recycle, recontacting a borderline or still in communication increases the suffering of people with Codependency who have their own responsibility to not continue their part of the betrayal bonded relationship. You need to get into therapy to work toward going no contact so that you can heal.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderlines Don't Value You in Dating or RelationshipsBorderlines don't value you in dating or relationships because they are insatiable and have failed at "othering". People with BPD are very (lack of) self-focused and emotionally only aware of their feelings, wants that they mix up with needs. Borderlines don't value you because emotionally they are actually not relating to you, for who you really are.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Loving a Borderline & Why You Will Never Know Who He or She Is or WasLoving a borderline woman or man it is a high percentage of people in all relationship types who really will never know who that person with BPD in your life, or was in your life, is. Loving a borderline is loving someone you really don't know. It's loving someone for who you thought they were in the beginning and for who you still wish and/or have false hope for them to become.Intermittent reinforcement (at the heart of these trauma bonded relationships) has actually psychologically captured you and you are losing yourself the more you keep trying to love a borderline and really can't know who they actually are because they don't know who they are. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions