TILT Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

In this episode, Phyllis L. Fagell, LCPC, shares actionable insights on fostering identity development, belonging, and resilience in children, with a focus on navigating social challenges, promoting inclusivity, and supporting neurodivergent and marginalized kids. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Academic, teacher, and writer Victoria Biggs shares her experience growing up as an autistic, dyspraxic child and explains how parents can support their similarly wired children Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We live in a society where success is often defined by external markers like prestigious jobs, academic achievements, or traditional milestones. But as parents of neurodivergent kids, we know our children’s paths and timelines often look different. And while their journeys may not align with conventional notions of success, that doesn’t mean they’re any less meaningful or valuable. So, how can we redefine what success means—for our kids and for our families? That’s one of the big questions I explore with today’s guest, child psychologist Dr. Emily King. In our conversation, Dr. Emily and I dive into redefining success for neurodivergent students, emphasizing the importance of joy, self-discovery, and effectiveness in their learning journeys. We explore how cultural definitions of success can be limiting, what’s happening in American public schools regarding neurodivergence, and the actionable steps we can take to help shift the paradigm. Most importantly, we talk about how to reframe “success” in our families in ways that empower our children to build autonomous, self-actualized lives on their terms.   About Dr. Emily King Dr. Emily King is a Child Psychologist and former School Psychologist who has worked with neurodivergent children and teens for over 20 years. She received a Ph.D. in School Psychology from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill where she worked at Frank Porter Graham Child Development Institute and the Carolina Institute for Developmental Disabilities. She spent five years as a School Psychologist in Houston, Texas specializing in providing school-based mental health services in K-12 public schools. Dr. Emily now works in private practice in North Carolina supporting the mental health needs of neurodivergent youth, their families, and their teachers. Dr. Emily hosts the Learn with Dr. Emily Substack where you can find her blogs and monthly parent workshops. She is also the creator of The Neurodiverse Classroom, a professional development curriculum for elementary and middle school educators. Dr. Emily has been featured on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, quoted in The New York Times and The Washington Post, and has written for Parents.com. You can learn more with Dr. Emily by listening to her podcast or following her on Substack.   Things you'll learn from this episode Why the 2 key ingredients for success for neurodivergent students are joy coupled with effectiveness How cultural definitions of success can be limiting for neurodivergent kids, and what we can do about it What is the state of neurodivergence understanding in American public schools and what we can all do to shift the paradigm forward How we can redefine “success” in our families and for our children in ways that empower them to create autonomous, self-actualized adult lives   Resources mentioned Dr. Emily King’s website Learn with Dr. Emily (Emily’s Substack) Learn with Dr. Emily Podcast Dr. Mona Delahooke’s website Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids by Dr. Mona Delahooke Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children’s Behavioral Challenges by Dr. Mona Delahooke Dr. Mona Delahooke on the Power of Brain-Body Parenting (Tilt Parenting podcast) Dr. Mona Delahooke on Looking Beyond Kids Challenging Behaviors (Tilt Parenting podcast) Dr. Dan Siegel & the Window of Tolerance Stephen Porgess & Polyvagal Theory Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is a deep dive into pathological demand avoidance in children (also known as PDA), which is typically defined as a pervasive developmental disorder that falls under the autism spectrum. It’s a label that’s frequently used in the United Kingdom, and it’s often defined as a complicated and misunderstood condition wherein some people have a heightened anxiety response to demands being placed on them. PDA isn’t universally recognized as a diagnosis, and it’s also a label rooted in controversy. To talk with us about all of this is friend of the podcast Dr. Melissa Neff, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in the assessment of ADHD, depression, anxiety, trauma, nonverbal learning disorder, and autism spectrum disorders, about the diagnostic process. Melissa Neff, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Missoula, MT. She conducts psychological evaluations for children and adults. She specializes in the assessment of giftedness, ADHD, depression, anxiety, trauma, nonverbal learning disorder, and typical and atypical presentations of autism. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’ve touched on the theory of self-determination on the show before, but today, I’m thrilled to dedicate an entire episode to this important topic. Joining me for this deeper dive is Dr. Gina Riley, an expert in self-determination theory and motivation. This conversation will resonate with so many of you because it beautifully ties into themes we often explore here, like low-demand parenting and fostering our kids’ natural passions and strengths. In this episode, Gina explains the theory of self-determination and dives into the science behind why it’s so impactful, particularly for neurodivergent kids. We explore how it connects with autonomy-supportive parenting and discuss the three tenets of cognitive evaluation theory, which examines what fosters intrinsic motivation. We also tackle the hot topic of whether extrinsic motivators like stickers and rewards have a place and how to genuinely connect with our kids' interests—even when they differ from our own.   About Dr. Gina Riley Gina Riley, Ph.D., is an educational psychologist, Program Director, and Clinical Professor of Adolescent Special Education at CUNY – Hunter College. She has conducted significant research on homeschooling and unschooling, an educational method and philosophy that advocates student intrinsic motivation as a primary means for learning. In addition to her research on self-directed learning environments, Dr. Riley has expertise in Supported Decision Making, an alternative to guardianship for students with disabilities. She is a faculty advisor for Supported Decision Making New York, promoting autonomy and self-determination for individuals with disabilities.  Dr.Riley also has extensive experience in online, hybrid, and HyFlex education, having been actively involved in the field since 1998. Her contributions to educational psychology and alternative education models have been influential in shaping contemporary discussions on personalized and flexible learning approaches. Dr. Riley is the author of numerous academic articles and three books, including Unschooling:Exploring Learning Beyond the Classroom (Palgrave, 2020), The Homeschooling Starter Guide (Simon & Schuster, 2021), and The Joys of Self Determined Learning: A Collection of Essays (Ricci Publishing, 2022). She is the current President-Elect of the New York State Association of Teacher Educators.   Things you'll learn from this episode What self-determination theory is, and how it’s connected to intrinsic motivation Why a sense of competence, autonomy, and relatedness, as outlined in the cognitive evaluation theory, are crucial for motivation Why it matters that parents focus on facilitating autonomy and decision-making in their children What the science says about how and why intrinsic motivation leads to better academic and social outcomes in adulthood How intrinsic and extrinsic motivations can coexist and why it’s important that they’re balanced   Resources mentioned Dr. Gina Riley’s website Gina on Instagram Gina on Twitter Unschooling: Exploring Learning Beyond the Classroom by Dr. Gina Riley The Homeschooling Starter Guide: How to Create and Adapt the Best Education Action Plan for Your Needs by Dr. Gina Riley NYS Decision Making Curriculum (free decision making curriculum for schools and homeschools I Will Die on This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World by Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards on Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World (Tilt Parenting podcast) Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Dan Pink The intrinsic motivation of Richard Ryan and Edward Deci The Self-Driven Child, with William Stixrud and Ned Johnson (Tilt Parenting podcast) The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sherri Cawn, a leading practitioner of the DIR/Floortime® model in speech and language development, explores characteristics, assessment, intervention of communication disorders in children. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I know that parenting kids who are struggling with mental health challenges can sometimes feel overwhelming, as though we’re not equipped to handle what’s happening. When our kids are going through tough mental health moments, it can be isolating, scary, and exhausting. That’s why I’m so grateful for the work of my guest today, Dr. Christine Crawford, the associate medical director for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization. Dr. Crawford is the author of the new book, You Are Not Alone for Parents and Caregivers: The NAMI Guide to Navigating Your Child’s Mental Health—With Advice from Experts and Wisdom from Real Families. It’s an incredibly helpful handbook for any parent navigating this challenging path. The book covers everything from how to talk to our kids about their mental health, to what to do if a long-awaited therapist doesn’t turn out to be the right fit. It also delves into practical and emotional concerns, such as recognizing signs of depression, understanding our critical role as parents in the mental health team, and learning about concepts like the “distress radius” to better gauge the impact of mental health issues. Finally, a quick content warning: this episode includes discussions of suicidal ideation and other sensitive mental health topics. If these are difficult subjects for you, please prioritize your well-being while listening.   About Dr. Christine Crawford Christine M. Crawford, MD, MPH is the associate medical director for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) which is the country’s largest grassroots mental health organization. She is an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and Vice Chair of Education at the Boston University School of Medicine. She also provides outpatient psychiatric care to children and adolescents at Boston Medical Center. Additionally, she’s the Medical Director for the Boston Public Health Commission’s School Based Clinician Program in which she provides direct guidance on how best to support the socioemotional wellbeing of children within the Boston Public School System. On behalf of NAMI, she regularly engages with the general public, as well as with organizations, companies, healthcare providers, and fellow clinicians and researchers. She is a trusted source of child mental health expertise for major media outlets including the New York Times, the Washington Post, NPR, the Boston Globe, NBC, and Medscape. She has made on-camera appearances for the Today Show, BBC, and local news affiliates of CBS, Fox, and ABC. She lives with her family in Boston, Massachusetts.   Things you'll learn from this episode Why it’s important that we talk openly and frequently with our child about their feelings, starting as early as age three What signs to look for in terms of changes in mood or behavior that might indicate our child is experiencing a mental health challenge Why parental involvement in mental health care is critical for supporting children’s progress Why learning how to manage and tolerate distressing feelings isn’t just for our struggling kids What the “distress radius” is and how to use it to identify the extent and impact of mental health issues within our families How and when to seek community support and other resources when a child is navigating a mental health challenge   Resources mentioned National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) You Are Not Alone for Parents and Caregivers: The NAMI Guide to Navigating Your Child’s Mental Health―With Advice from Experts and Wisdom from Real Families by Dr. Christine Crawford You Are Not Alone book website Help for Parents! Symptoms and Steps for Kids' Mental Health Struggles (GoToHealth Media YouTube video) Debbie Reber Shares Her Best Self-Care Strategies 11 Ideas for Boosting Your Self-Care (PDF) Debbie’s Self-Care Planner Template   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rita Eichenstein, author of "Not What I Expected: Help and Hope for Parents of Atypical Children," talks about how parents can process the discovery that their child is neurodivergent. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Debbie Reber and parent coach Margaret Webb answer a listener's question about how to deal with chaotic energy among children during the bedtime transition (as well as other big transitions). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Allie Ticktin, a licensed occupational therapist with a specialty in sensory integration and early childhood development, talks about how to tap into the power of play to support a child's learning and development. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’ll say right upfront that this is a different kind of episode for the podcast, but stick with me, because today, we’re diving into digital decluttering. I know firsthand the toll digital clutter can take. Raising neurodivergent kids means managing a ton of information — from school communications and teacher emails to scheduling appointments, handling assessments, and organizing documentation. It’s a lot to keep track of, and it can really weigh us down. If you can relate, this episode is for you. I invited tech and productivity coach Amanda Jefferson, affectionately known as the Tech Whisperer, to help us tackle digital clutter. Amanda guides busy people through streamlining their digital lives and speaks about silencing society’s noisy “shoulds.” She’s a TEDx speaker, one of the world’s first KonMari consultants, and co-host of the Good Enough-ish podcast. Her work has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Real Simple, Harper’s Bazaar, and Good Day Philadelphia. In our conversation, we discussed the importance of digital decluttering, particularly for neurodivergent families. Amanda shared strategies for securely storing essential documents, organizing email to reduce stress, managing passwords, and using what she calls “free assistants” on our devices to make daily routines run more smoothly. Even if you consider yourself tech-savvy, I think you’ll learn something new in this episode. Enjoy, and hopefully, you’ll walk away with some actionable steps!   About Amanda Jefferson Amanda Jefferson is a tech and productivity coach, TEDx speaker, one of the world’s first KonMari consultants, and host of the top-rated Good Enough-ish podcast. She has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Real Simple, Harpers Bazaar, Good Day Philadelphia, and more. She was recently named a Top 50 Women Speaker of 2024 by renowned speaker and author Jess Ekstrom. Known affectionately as the Tech Whisperer, Amanda helps busy people declutter their digital lives and talks to audiences about how to quiet the noisy shoulds of society.   Things you'll learn from this episode How tackling digital clutter bit by bit can lead to noticeable improvements, reducing overwhelm and enhancing focus Why setting up an “action-needed” folder can streamline email processing, while Gmail's sorting tools and filters help keep the inbox clutter-free What the “cloud” is and why it’s invaluable for securely storing essential documents and making them accessible anytime Ideas for streamlining password management The types of “digital assistants” available to help with reminders, scheduling, and hands-free task management, making family routines smoother How AI tools like ChatGPT can save time on research and assist with documentation, making digital workflows quicker and more efficient   Resources mentioned Amanda’s website Indigo Organizing The Good Enoughish Podcast Work with Amanda on digital decluttering Amanda on Instagram Amanda’s Free Ultimate Checklist for Organizing your Gmail How to Stay on Top of your Gmail … and Actually Have Fun While Doing It  Skylight Calendar (Tilt listeners get $40 off purchase of a Skylight Calendar when you go to skylightcal.com/tilt)  One Password Bringing Clarity Into Your Home, Spaces & Life, with Lisa Viscardi (Tilt Parenting podcast)  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Debbie talks with four differently wired adults who share their stories of discovering and/or learn more about their own neurodivergence as a result of parenting their differently wired children. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m thrilled to finally welcome Drs. Brock and Fernette Eide to the show! They’re the authors of the groundbreaking, recently updated book The Dyslexic Advantage: Unlocking the Hidden Potential of the Dyslexic Brain. As leading experts in dyslexia, Brock and Fernette have reshaped our understanding of dyslexia through a strengths-based lens. They continue this work through their nonprofit, Dyslexic Advantage, and their social purpose company, Neurolearning. Rather than viewing dyslexia as a disorder, they advocate for understanding it as a unique learning and processing style. In today’s conversation, you’ll hear how their approach brings out the exceptional qualities and talents in dyslexic individuals. In our discussion, we explored their new approach to dyslexia that begins not with definitions but with how the dyslexic mind functions. We covered the various ways dyslexia can manifest beyond reading challenges, why some twice-exceptional dyslexic kids are often overlooked under traditional definitions, and the importance of embracing dyslexia as part of one's identity. We also dove into strategies for advocating with schools to secure accommodations and discussed different ways students can thrive academically. This updated edition of The Dyslexic Advantage also highlights how a strengths-centered framework is gaining traction in schools and workplaces, plus new insights into the neurobiology underlying dyslexia and its associated strengths. As you’ll hear from Brock and Fernette, understanding dyslexia more fully allows us to open up conversations with educators about alternative learning strategies that may benefit not just our kids, but all students in the classroom.   About Drs. Brock and Fernette Eide Leading experts on dyslexia and authors of the groundbreaking book The Dyslexic Advantage: Unlocking the Hidden Potential of the Dyslexic Brain, Brock Eide, MD, MA, and Fernette Eide, MD, have been at the forefront of redefining our understanding of dyslexia. In the updated 2023 edition, they incorporate the latest research and modern techniques to highlight a strength-based approach to dyslexia, moving away from traditional deficit-focused models. This revision features 20 new interviews, insights into how a strengths-centered framework is being implemented in schools and workplaces, and fresh information on the neurobiology that underpins dyslexia and its associated strengths. The Eides advocate for viewing dyslexia as a unique learning and processing style rather than a disorder. Their influential work has played a pivotal role in transforming conventional views on dyslexia and has inspired countless individuals. Together, they are the authors of The Dyslexic Advantage and The Mislabeled Child, and they founded the nonprofit organization Dyslexic Advantage and the social purpose company Neurolearning.com. They reside in Edmonds, Washington, with their son.   Things you'll learn How the traditional focus on weaknesses in dyslexia overlooks the strengths that dyslexic individuals possess Why the definition of dyslexia include diverse cognitive processing styles beyond reading challenges Why it’s important to recognize the unique learning profiles of twice exceptional children when addressing dyslexia How stealth dyslexia in gifted individuals can lead to underdiagnosis and missed support opportunities The role that a strengths-based perspective plays in helping dyslexic individuals excel in areas requiring experience-based reasoning   Resources mentioned The Dyslexic Advantage (Brock and Fernette’s nonprofit organization) The Dyslexic Advantage (Revised and Updated): Unlocking the Hidden Potential of the Dyslexic Brain by Drs. Brock and Fernette Eide The Mislabeled Child: Looking Beyond Behavior to Find the True Sources and Solutions for Children's Learning Challenge by Drs. Brock and Fernette Eide Neurolearning (dyslexia screening and strengths assessment) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Melissa Neff talks about the unique challenges for adults who discover their own neurodivergence as a result of going through the diagnostic process with their children. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When my child was little, one of the most common sleep training methods was the "cry it out" approach. We tried it briefly, and it felt absolutely terrible for all of us. I know many parents can relate to the feelings of desperation and overwhelm that come when a child just isn’t sleeping. I wish I’d known back then about sleep coaches Macall Gordon and Kim West, also known as The Sleep Lady, who have developed a gentler, effective approach to changing sleep patterns. Their approach, based on years of research and experience with thousands of families, is especially suited for children who are more alert, intense, and persistent than their peers—and who put up a bigger fight at bedtime. Sound familiar? Then this episode is for you. In their new book, Why Won’t You Sleep?! A Gamechanging Approach for Nonstop, Super-Alert, Big-Feeling Kids, Kim and Macall present a fresh take on sleep training, rooted in understanding a child’s unique temperament. In our conversation, we cover common sleep struggles, misconceptions about sleep training, and why a gradual approach is empowering for both parents and children. They also share tips on setting limits for early risers and managing transitions that encourage peaceful nights.  About Macall Gordon Macall is a researcher, speaker, and author specializing in the link between temperament and sleep. She has a master’s degree in Applied Psychology from Antioch University, Seattle with a research-based specialization in infant mental health. She also has a B.S. in Human Biology from Stanford University. She has conducted and presented research on temperament, sleep, and parenting advice at infant and child development conferences around the world. She has been a featured speaker at national sleep conferences and has led webinar-based advanced training for sleep coaches, mental health providers, and others. She is a certified Gentle Sleep Coach in private practice and is a featured provider on the women’s telehealth platform, Maven Clinic. She is the co-author (with Kim West) of the upcoming book Why Won’t You Sleep?! A Gamechanging Approach for Nonstop, Super Alert, Big-feeling Kids. She comes to this work because she had two sensitive, alert, intense children, and she didn’t sleep for eighteen years. About Kim West Kim West, LCSW-C is a mom of two who has been a practicing child and family social worker for over 25 years. She has personally helped over twenty thousand families all over the world gently teach their children how to fall asleep—and fall back asleep without leaving them to cry it out alone. She started training Gentle Sleep Coaches internationally in 2010 and has appeared as a child sleep expert on numerous magazines, newspapers, and television programs including Dr. Phil, TODAY, and Good Morning America. She is the author of five other books. Things you'll learn How gentle sleep coaching can serve as an effective alternative to traditional methods Why understanding a child’s temperament is crucial in the success of sleep training How behaviorism in sleep training differs from its limited use in other areas of parenting Why a gradual approach to sleep training empowers both parents and children, and how to do that Why parents of intense children often feel stuck between traditional methods and alternative approaches when it comes to supporting their child’s sleep How setting limits helps empower parents while teaching children new sleep-related skills Resources mentioned Macall Gordon’s website LIttle Live Wires website Kim West, aka The Sleep Lady, website Why Won’t You Sleep?! A Game-Changing Approach for Exhausted Parents of Nonstop, Super Alert, Big Feelings Kids by Macall Gordon and Kim West, MSW Little Live Wires on Instagram Little Live Wires on Facebook The Fussy Baby on Facebook Little Live Wires on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Over the years, countless strategies have been created to help differently wired kids succeed in school and life. But as the neurodiversity movement grows, there's increasing awareness that many of these approaches focus on fitting neurodivergent kids into neurotypical environments and norms, rather than embracing and respecting their unique ways of experiencing the world. My guest, Elizabeth Sautter, a speech-language pathologist and social-emotional learning specialist, was initially trained in a more traditional “medical model” focused on diagnosing and "fixing" behaviors to promote conformity to neurotypical standards. She co-authored the popular Whole Body Listening Larry series, which aimed to help kids improve listening skills and attention by engaging their whole body. While intended to support neurodivergent students, Elizabeth later recognized that the series reinforced ableist concepts. Now, Elizabeth is on a mission to promote a neurodiversity-affirming, strengths-based approach that emphasizes acceptance and advocating for individualized support. She’s been instrumental in updating the series with a new, neurodiversity-affirming title: Listen, Learn, and Grow: A Whole Body Listening Larry Story to Help Kids Regulate, Listen, and Engage. As the publisher notes, “Listening Larry is back, and he’s learned a few things about neurodiversity.” Elizabeth, author of Make Social and Emotional Learning Stick!, co-author of The Zones of Regulation children’s books, card decks, and games, and part of the EveryDay Regulation team, joins me to talk about her journey from traditional speech pathology to embracing a neurodiversity-affirming approach. We’ll dive into the story of Whole Body Listening Larry, how she responded to critical feedback from the neurodivergent community, and the development of new resources that promote inclusivity and understanding. Plus, we’ll explore what it really means to be a “good listener.” And, as we discuss, Elizabeth’s big goal is to replace the original Whole Body Listening Larry with the updated, neurodiversity-affirming version. So if you see the original in libraries, classrooms, or even on your own shelf, we encourage you to swap it out!   About Elizabeth Sautter Elizabeth A. Sautter, MA, CCC, is a speech-language pathologist/social-emotional expert, speaker, author, and trainer. She is the author of Make Social and Emotional Learning Stick! Practical activities to help your child manage emotions, navigate social situations & reduce anxiety, along with many other resources, including an online course and community for parents. Elizabeth collaborates with the Zones of Regulation team as a trainer and is a coauthor of the Zones children’s books, card decks, and games. She is also part of the EveryDay Reglation team with the focus on providing neurodiversity affirming resources for whole body regulation. She loves to connect on @elizabeth.sautter (IG), ElizabethSautterMACCCSLP (FB) or www.ElizabethSautter.com   Things you'll learn How Elizabeth shifted her focus as an SLP to a neurodivergent-affirming model of support and skill building Why listening looks different for everyone (and that's okay!) How the Whole Body Listening Larry book series and poster has been rewritten to focus on strengths, self-awareness, and regulation Why it's important to model and discuss our own listening styles with children and how to do that Ideas for creating inclusive educational environments, and why they benefit all learners, not just neurodivergent individuals   Resources mentioned Everyday Regulation website Elizabeth Sautter’s website Listen, Learn, and Grow: A Whole Body Listening Larry Story to Help Kids Regulate, Listen, and Engage by McAlister Greiner Huynh, Elizabeth A. Sautter, and Kristen Wilson Elizabeth on Instagram Elizabeth on Facebook Whole Body Listening Free Poster download Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Development pediatrician Dr. Mark Bertin talks about his new book How Children Thrive: The Practical Science of Raising Independent, Resilient, and Happy Kids, as well as resilience in our kids and the benefits of mindful parenting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, I’m excited to share my conversation with Ali Miller on how nonviolent communication (NVC) can help navigate co-parenting dynamics and couple relationships. When raising a neurodivergent child, there are often many opportunities for parents to disagree—whether it’s about the therapies to explore, whether or not to disclose a diagnosis to family members, or even if a diagnosis exists at all. These discussions can be tough and can definitely place a strain on the relationship. But with nonviolent communication, we can learn how to have conversations that feel like a win-win for everyone involved. Ali Miller is an expert in Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and has been a marriage and family therapist for over twenty years. In 2021, she became certified as a Clini-Coach® specializing in couples communication. As an online coach, she helps couples worldwide improve their communication and conflict resolution skills, allowing them to experience more peace, passion, and possibilities in their relationships. In this conversation, Ali and I discussed what NVC is and why it’s a comprehensive model that supports all kinds of relationships. We explored how understanding our feelings—and more importantly, the underlying needs behind them—is crucial for effective communication. Ali also emphasized the importance of empathy and self-empathy in the NVC model, and shared how to express our needs to our partners without blame or judgment (while also acknowledging that this doesn’t absolve our partner of responsibility). This conversation truly highlights how NVC can transform conflict into connection by fostering empathy and understanding between partners. I hope you enjoy it!   About Ali Miller Ali Miller, an expert in Nonviolent Communication (NVC), has been a Marriage & Family Therapist for over twenty years. In 2021 she became certified as a Clini-Coach® specializing in Couples Communication. As an online coach, she helps couples all over the world level up their communication + conflict navigation skills so they can experience more peace, passion, and possibilities in their relationship.   Things you'll learn from this episode What nonviolent communication (NVC) is and why it’s a comprehensive model that can support any and all relationships How understanding feelings, and more importantly, our underlying needs, is crucial for effective communication The importance of empathy and self-empathy in the NVC model Why recognizing universal human needs can bridge gaps in understanding and foster true compassion and understanding How to express our needs to our partner without blame or judgment (and why it doesn’t mean our partner bears no responsibility)   Resources mentioned Ali Miller’s website Ali on Instagram Ali’s Private Facebook Group The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In (free mini-course) Feelings and Needs Cheatsheets Ali’s Podcast: Love Each Other Better 8-Week Private Coaching Program for Couples — Stop Fighting! (without stuffing your feelings or sacrificing your needs) Marshall Rosenberg and the Center for Nonviolent Communication Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall Rosenberg Zach Morris on Nonviolent Communication and Whole Person Learning (Tilt Parenting podcast) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Strategic learning assessment psychologist Dr. Devon MacEachron provides ideas for next steps for parents after receiving a diagnosis for their child. Connect with Tilt Parenting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest for today’s show is likely no stranger to you. He’s been on the podcast before, we’ve co-hosted special live events focused on the mental health crisis among neurodivergent kids, and he’s a key figure in the differently wired revolution. Through his speaking engagements, work as a therapist for kids and adults, and his own lived experience as a neurodivergent individual, he’s a powerful advocate for understanding and supporting neurodivergent students. Yes, I’m talking about Dr. Matt Zakreski. Today, I’m thrilled to have him back to dive into his brand-new book, Neurodiversity Playbook: How Neurodivergent People Can Crack the Code of Living in a Neurotypical World. Full disclosure: I wrote the foreword for this book, and I was honored to do so because it’s such a valuable resource for so many people. In the foreword, and what I’ll share with you now, is that Matt’s book encourages readers to embrace the full neurodivergent experience, offering deep understanding, validation, and a wealth of practical ideas to help “crack the code” and design a life on their own terms. Neurodiversity Playbook feels like a warm “welcome to the Club” for neurodivergent individuals and those who love and support them. In this conversation, while we couldn’t cover everything in the book, we touched on some of the big concepts, including why grounding discussions in neuroscience is key to understanding neurodivergence, how to navigate tricky everyday situations like making small talk, and how awareness of neurodiversity has evolved over the years. We also explored code-switching as an empowering tool and how to do it with intention and choice.   About Dr. Matt Zakresk Matthew “Dr. Matt” Zakreski, PsyD is a high energy, creative clinical psychologist and professional speaker who utilizes an eclectic approach to meet the specific needs of his neurodivergent clients. He is proud to serve the Gifted community as a consultant, a professor, an author, and a researcher. He has spoken hundreds of times all over the world about supporting neurodivergent kids. He is the co-founder of The Neurodiversity Collective and the author of the The Neurodiversity Playbook: How Neurodivergent People Can Crack the Code of Living in a Neurotypical World.   Things you'll learn from this episode How Dr. Matt's personal journey informs his professional work and shapes his approach to neurodiversity. How neurodiversity awareness has significantly evolved over the years and there is significant progress in understanding. How grounding discussions in neuroscience is crucial for understanding neurodivergence. How the Neurodiversity Playbook aims to be a practical guide to help neurodivergent humans navigate a neurotypical world. How code-switching can be a useful tool for neurodivergent individuals and enhance their ability to adapt. Why compromise is essential for fostering understanding and bridging communication gaps between neurodivergent and neurotypical people.   Resources mentioned Dr. Matt Zakreski’s website The Neurodiversity Playbook: How Neurodivergent People Can Crack the Code of Living in a Neurotypical World by Dr. Matt Zakreski The Neurodiversity Collective Dr. Matt Zakreski on Facebook Suicide and Suicidal Ideation in Neurodivergent Teens & Children, with Dr. Matt Zakreski (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Dr. Matt Zakreski dialogues on Gifted Homeschooler Forum Failure is FUN…damental (Matt’s talk about National Talent Centre of the Netherlands) Mental Health Check-In Masterclass with Matt Zakreski and Debbie Reber, Part 1 Mental Health Check-In Masterclass with Matt Zakreski and Debbie Reber, Part 2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices