TV Talk Machine (O.G. Edition)

The very first "TV Talk Machine" podcast lumbered out of the garage late last night. I think it still might be running without brakes. I was joined by Chronicle media writer Joe Garofoli who played the part of Question Boy. And he did it with aplomb. Joe does a superb Ed McMahon, which we might bust out next week. He's also a master at Bill Walton. We may do an entire podcast with our Bill Walton voices in the future. Or we might actually invite Bill on the show to see what the Big Man knows about TV. On second thought, that kind of defeats the purpose of doing the voices. We might also add puppets. Or mimes. It's a first class operation. We took e-mail questions. I'm not sure I answered any of them, but I had fun. We talked about the best comedies and dramas in the last 30 years; desert island DVDs; way too much tech stuff and some general nonsense. We'll do it again next week, but I'm also going to interview filmmaker Ken Burns separately so there may be two podcasts. One stupid, one informative. It's a great country.

Well, the second TV Talk Machine is up and running, this time featuring an interview with Joel Cohen, a writer and co-executive producer. Cohen is in his eighth year writing for "The Simpsons" and before he came to San Francisco for a lecture, he took some time to chat about everything from what it's like inside a highly competitive writing room, to the new "Simpsons" movie and his brief stint writing on "Suddenly Susan," which I immediately held against him but then forgave him for. Cohen was a good sport and anytime you can talk about The Best Show Ever, well, you take it. "The Simpsons" is the longest running comedy that is currently on television and the longest running animated series in television history. In May, "The Simpsons" will air its 400th episode, which is just staggering. Based on renewals, "The Simpsons" will eventually top "(The Adventures Of) Ozzie & Harriet" which racked up 435 episodes, to become the longest running comedy ever on TV. As well it should. "The Simpsons" is currently in its 18th season. I talk with Cohen a bit about how some fans perpetually complain about the early years being better, and the fact that some people have watched the show their whole lives. And by the way, if you haven't been to "The Simpsons" website in a while, you should. A person can burn up a lot of time there.

They say talk is cheap but we prove it's actually free! Unpaid podcasts are the best love ever! (I'm feeling really exclamation point happy today...). So, here's the TV Talk Machine "Ep. 3," featuring the return of Question Boy (Chronicle media writer and longtime friend Joe Garofoli), e-mail and phone mail questions from around the globe, my willingness to drink Ken Burns' old bottled water both because my throat was killing me and I thought it might make me smarter. And yes, the aforementioned George Clooney man-love. (It's a long story. But it started out innocently enough with a reference to the unnamed Erica Hill, a longtime crush magnet of mine, but then it sort of spun sideways...the Clooney thing, not the Erica Hill crush which is chugging right along, no thanks to Anderson Cooper, who's 360 degrees of cable nonsense has essentially kept me away from EH...) Along the way, Question Boy and I tackle everything from "The Wire" to shows on USA and why very talented people (Rob Corddry, David E. Kelley) can't see (smell?) the crap they're making. I get lots of love from Canada, which always feels so right, and then we manage to pointlessly ramble our way to the end. Ah, but before we get there, we drag in Chronicle podfather Benny Evangelista who was working the dials to join the fray over our TiVo vs. Replay debate. Yes, RePlay. Turns out I told Joe's wife to get him one years ago instead of a TiVo. My bad. Anyway, it's a lovely piece of work. If you hear only one podcast this year...well, hear the Ken Burns one. But still, come share the joy! Exclamation! For those of you wondering about that much-heralded two-part podcast with Ken Burns, yes, it's coming. I taped it at the Chronicle with him last week despite barely being able to talk. See?! You see what I do?! Anyway, the Chronicle's promotions department is going to work some mojo with the TV Talk Machine and once the forces of promotion and technology unite, we'll post it. Now, if only they'd invite the forces of capitalism to swing by for a cozy bottle of red, then we'd have something.

Hey look, they even ran a cool house ad in the Datebook section for TV Talk Machine. Very nice. And radio ads. Normally TVTM would collapse under the weight of those expectations, what with me and Question Boy rambling about shorty robes and such, but today (like "Simpsons" writer Joel Cohen before) we have some worthy content. Ken Burns has long been one of my favorites through the years. He does great work, he's passionate about what he does, he smartly elevates the discourse and he's a whole lot funnier than people give him credit for, though as we discuss "The War," his upcoming 7-part, 14 hour documentary on WWII, not a whole lot of the latter will be evident. You'll have to pardon my croak-heavy voice during this interview. When Burns came to the Chronicle for the podcast, I was in the middle of a heavy cold and struggling to keep my voice and limited mental faculties. Still, Burns can carry an interview like few others and he did all the heavy lifting. Enjoy, and Pt. 2 will be available next week, a well as Pt. 1. The entire interview will be archived so you can sample it when ready and there's probably a good chance I'll talk with Burns a couple of more times before the documentary airs on PBS in September.

In Part Two of our special "Tim Goodman's TV Talk Machine" interview with Ken Burns, the award-winning filmmaker talks about the differences between the subject of his latest documentary on World War II and America's current war in Iraq. Burns, who changed the landscape of TV documentaries with his landmark "The Civil War" 17 years ago, returns this fall with another epic called "The War," about World War II on PBS. Burns also tells Chronicle TV critic Tim Goodman about what he learned about World War II while making "The War," a seven-part, 14-plus hour documentary that focuses on what it was like to fight during WWII. He also talks about his 15-year deal with PBS and some of his future projects.

It didn't take long for things to go completely sideways on this week's installment of my TV Talk Machine podcast. Along with Chronicle media writer Joe Garofoli once again playing the role of "Question Boy"--don't worry, we're on a search for a "Question Girl"--we decided that two weeks of heavy war talk and big words with Ken Burns meant that we needed to dumb things down. Boy did we succeed. I even managed, unintentionally, to create what is now my favorite new phrase. Along the way we read viewer/listener questions from across the country, played phone calls, rambled incoherently, announced upcoming interview guests (including Keith Olbermann), detected a real undertone of anger in the country (not our fault) and managed to possibly but not probably answer some questions correctly. As the paid film hacks like to say, "If you listen to just one podcast this year..."

So the TV Talk Machine busts out its first critics roundtable, this time a two-parter starting today and finishing up with Pt. 2 on Friday. "The Sopranos" is the perfect kind of series for a critics roundtable because there's so much going on in the series and different people take away (and appreciate) different aspects of the series. I talked by phone with TV Guide critic Matt Roush, Portland Oregonian critic Peter Ames Carlin, New Orleans Times-Picayune critic Dave Walker and Arizona Republic critic Bill Goodykoontz. If the late night and off hours of the Television Critics Association press tour teaches anything, it's how to spot fellow critics who are thoughtful about what they do. (And also how to get powerful network publicists to re-open a closed bar, but that's another story.) Periodically I'll be checking in with critics from around the country in conversation about various (mostly worthy) TV shows. With only nine episode left in the landmark series, "The Sopranos," that seemed like a wise choice and I know people who come to The Bastard Machine for episode deconstructions of that series will appreciate the input from my friends and fellow critics. Enjoy.

We are inching closer to the Sunday debut of "The Sopranos." In this second part of my critics roundtable on the TV Talk Machine, I chat with Dave Walker of the New Orleans Times-Picayune and Bill Goodykoontz of the Arizona Republic. Don't worry, no spoilers.

Geraldine Laybourne is one of the most influential women in all of television. Laybourne is chairwoman and CEO of Oxygen Media and started the Oxygen channel in 2000, in partnership with Oprah Winfrey, Marcy Carsey, Tom Werner and Caryn Mandabach. In one of my ongoing podcasts with the people who actually make the TV you watch, I talk with Laybourne-who dropped by The Chronicle when she was in San Francisco, recently--about her early days running Nickelodeon and how she turned that network into the children's powerhouse it is today, along with launching Nick At Nite and Noggin. Laybourne was also vice chairperson of MTV Networks and later a vice president at ABC/Disney. In our discussion, the element of her successful career that struck me as most interesting was that Laybourne built a cable empire out of figuring out what kids want, but she is still trying to figure out what women want, as Oxygen tries to establish an identity and build its audience. Anyway, I vowed that we'd talk to as many of the power players in the business as possible (or the ones I could stomach), and Laybourne, though maybe not the familiar name that someone like Les Moonves might be, is one heavy hitter. Enjoy.

Welcome to one very jarring episode of the TV Talk Machine podcast. Normally, as you know, when I am team with Question Boy (the Chronicle's very own Joe Garofoli) discussing all things TV, it often descends to rambling silliness. But this time out--at least for about the first 25 minutes--we decided to get serious. It makes sense. Garofoli is The Chronicle's media writer. Prior to him taking that job, I pretty much handled the duties for years. Together, we have a lot of experience on that beat. And this week we've obviously been called to duty on the Virginia Tech shooting rampage. In fact, my column today is all about how television news still covers major events in the same flawed way as the last tragedy, never learning any lessons or adopting change. After we taped this podcast, I spent much of the day following the latest angle, where the gunman sent a "multi-media manifesto" to NBC News. I blogged about it the rest of the day. So, in a break from being inane on the podcast, the two of us discussed a variety of topics related to media coverage. I think you'll find that possibly enlightening. However, if you also crave an escape from this whole story, fear not. After we segue into a discussion of series like "The Sopranos" and "The Riches" and take a few calls, all hell breaks loose and the entire podcast devolves, basically, into me going gay for Jonathan Rhys Meyers in "The Tudors." And a woman wants to cancel her paper but she called the TV Talk Machine line instead, and of course we won't let her because we need the money. As for this week, it's a tonal nightmare. It's the TV Talk Machine!

Conan O'Brien, who will bring his late night show to San Francisco starting Monday for a week of absurdist brilliance, phoned up the TV Talk Machine to chat a bit about The City, his future as the host of "The Tonight Show," his disappointment about how NBC botched Andy Richter's last sitcom (which Conan co-created) and what it's like taking the show on the road.

Well, if ever there was any doubt that the TV Talk Machine was a flinty little operation with almost no managerial oversight, staffed by lazy, dumb and probably dishonest employees, well, this podcast will prove it definitively. It's the price of free, people. But you know what? There's a lot of love in it. There's even a shorty robe. And a man's chest. There are wayward metaphors, the inclusion of The World's Most Garbled Message, a plea for patience or at least understanding, a lot of laughs and--miraculously--a few snippets of useful information. As usual, I'm joined by Question Boy, the Chronicle's own media writer, Joe Garofoli. Make a mental note that the Garofoli and Goodman Media Investigation Unit will, in the very near future, take on a very daunting task: Can one man, maybe two, watch a week's worth of Jay Leno and find a laugh? Enjoy the podcast. The TV Talk Machine will be on vacation next week. No doubt planning a better show.

Well, let's just get right to it. Question Boy and the Cultural Commissar admit to "reimagining" Lindsay Wagner, "The Bionic Woman," in their younger days. Yes, in that way. Hey, it's Tim Goodman's TV Talk Machine! (well, that's the official title, so technically I'm not referring to myself in the third person but don't tempt me! Because I'll do it, like, all the time!) If you listen to no other TV Talk Machine, listen to well, no, let's not go there. But hey, check out our fancy new inline audio player for the podcast. Just click and play. You know, while you're reading your messages or something. In this podcast you will find, not necessarily in this order, random and pointless discussions about: The upfronts. "The Sopranos." Lindsay Wagner being "elder hot." The death--or IS it!?--of "According to Jim." Katie Couric getting hammered by Charlie Gibson. A clarification of whether it's Charlie or Charles Gibson. And Gibson being "elder hot." Another inch off the shorty robe! A shirtless man. E-mail (this time fresh, not rerun versions) from around the country. Phone calls from around the country, including a woman who wants to adopt me. And a woman who is, well, in a dark place. A shout out to Mrs. Cranky Pants. Question Boy caught cheating on the TVTM! A call from a flack. Someone makes fun of our theme song. And our producer, Benny "The Podfather" Evangelista fails us, technically, yet again. Listen, and have your life changed. Or shortened. One of the two.

Worst. Podcast. Ever. Well, so far. I had a really bad headache and lacked sleep. Question Boy sucked at reading questions. Well, not really, but I like to blame him for everything. We were angry. I had the Cranky Pants on instead of the shorty robe. We made a stab at man-love and retreated. We didn't have any crazy-ass callers in a dark place. Benny "The Podfather" Evangelista, who we like to blame for pretty much everything, was out sick and Justin (last name deleted because we don't want to drag him down with us) filled-in and gave us some bad news (on purpose, we think, because we're lame). Which means Benny ruined this podcast for us yet again. Did I mention that Question Boy (Chronicle media writer Joe Garofoli) really fell down on his end? Because he did. And let's face it. I didn't have my "A" game. You know what? We're gonna put our rally caps on and come back again next week. Our goal: Mediocrity.

Well, we're back bigger and stronger and less awful this week! And we're hot for Cougars! (theme song forthcoming). Even though Question Boy (Chronicle media writer Joe Garofoli) can't read an e-mail to save his life this time out, he rallies as we both tout the merits of older women, aka, "elder hot," aka "Cougars." Now, you might not think this is relevant to anything -- and normally that doesn't matter on the TV Talk Machine -- but NBC has a new reality series this month called "Age of Love," and that series will pit 40-something "Cougars" against 20-something "Kittens" as they vie for the "love" of a 30-year old professional tennis player. Indeed, it's a big episode this week. There's petty jealousy, threats of a pending Question Girl filling in for Joe -- or even special guest Don Asmussen -- plus I try to make a public service announcement and end up killing the show. Separately, there's a dramatic reading of one man's "break-up letter" to "24." And if you thought nothing could top elder-hot Cougars, you're wrong. Because our producer, Justin Beck, who only last week took over the knobs (temporarily) from Benny "The Podfather" Evangelista, has added "special effects." Roar! Maybe, dare we say it: Best. Podcast. Ever. And we thank Pat for the two letters. We kid because we love. Enjoy.

Chronicle readers react to the "Sopranos" finale.

Well it's been quite a few days of post-"Sopranos" speculation and chat. I did five radio interviews on Monday including 40 minutes on "Talk of the Nation" and that finale was, indeed, the talk of the nation. No doubt the finale will live on in pop culture history as a great debate. Did Tony live or die? I love that it has prompted so much discussion and creative (insane?) deconstruction. And now I'm on the verge of being very much over the whole thing. Time to move on. But before I do, here s the most recent TV Talk Machine podcast where me and Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) talk about The Sopranos season finale and take listeners calls.

Even more listener calls about the "Sopranos" finale!

Tim's down in L.A. at Death March with Cocktails, where he met up with documentary filmmaker Ken Burns. Tim took the opportunity to chat with Burns about his upcoming seven-part series, "The War," which airs on PBS starting Sept. 23. In the interview, Burns talks about how he handled criticism from those who said his series didn't do justice to the role of Latino soldiers in World War II.

Here -- after a lengthy absence -- is the return of the TV Talk Machine podcast!