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Table Reads

Author: Fandom Limb Media

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Some jerks read screenplays that never made it to the big screen. Some of these screenplays were works by these two and some are professional works that just never made it.

The one unifying characteristic of all of these scripts is that they're BAD. As such, this podcast is about more than just reading scripts, these two brave microphone jockeys also tirelessly mock the things they read, often with the help of their friends.
105 Episodes
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Mourning the loss of Gandalf, the Fellowship has a sleepover with the elves, and Galadriel shows Frodo the full depths of the hospitality of the elves. All. Night. Long. Look, I don’t want to spoil shit, but that’s not a joke. Frodo literally bangs the fuck out of Galadriel. That’s in there. Listen for yourself. Other stuff happens, too, but Frodo and Galadriel going to the bone zone is really the centerpiece. I mean, do you need to know more? In other news: Don’t forget that our patrons can join us on a livestream while we record these episodes roughly a month in advance! They also get early access to posted episodes, AD FREE. Just head on over to www.patreon.com/TableReads and make a pledge! We’ll love you whether you do or not, but becoming a patron is the best way not to get friend-zoned. Our episodes are also available as in-studio videos on YouTube! Just go to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com and subscribe!As always, you can reach out to us on Twitter @TheTableReads or find us on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/Tablereads If you’d like more information on this script, our friends over at Screenplay Archaeology did a whole episode on it, which you can find here: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com/e/episode-54-lord-of-the-rings/
The trials of the Fellowship continue, as does the abject weirdness of this script! There’s man-on-man sexy blood magic, cryogenic stasis, and everyone’s favorite part of the books, where the only way into Moria is for Gandalf and Gimli to engage in some weird (and oddly racist) BDSM! Side note: Have you ever had a lost language BEATEN into you? With a stick? What am I saying? Of course you have! It’s a typical rite of passage, right? Right, guys? Right??Moving on, we get to see John Boorman’s take on Gandalf’s big (non-BDSM) scene. I was going to make a joke about how you need to subscribe or YOU SHALL NOT PASS, but it seems too on the nose, so I’m not gonna.But hey, if you want to join us for a livestream, just head over to www.patreon.com/TableReads and become a patron! You’ll also get early access to our episodes, AD-FREE, plus so much more!Our episodes are also available as in-studio videos on YouTube! Just go to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com and subscribe!As always, you can reach out to us on Twitter @TheTableReads or find us on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/Tablereads If you’d like more information on this script, our friends over at Screenplay Archaeology did a whole episode on it, which you can find here: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com/e/episode-54-lord-of-the-rings/
John Boorman takes us through the history of Middle Earth, the Rise and Fall of Sauron, and the One Ring falling onto the hands of Bilbo Baggins, including the rich tradition of Vaudeville in Rivendell. Oh, you didn’t know that Rivendell is known for juggling, interpretive dance, Kabuki theatre and pantomime? Jeez, have you even read the books?This episode goes a little long, but that’s okay with us, because we got through almost TWO WHOLE SCENES! Yeah, almost. This shit is pretty insane, guys. If you want to join us for a livestream, just head over to www.patreon.com/TableReads and become a patron! You’ll also get early access to our episodes, AD-FREE, plus so much more!Our episodes are also available as in-studio videos on YouTube! Just go to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com and subscribe!As always, you can reach out to us on Twitter @TheTableReads or find us on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/Tablereads If you’d like more information on this script, our friends over at Screenplay Archaeology did a whole episode on it, which you can find here: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com/e/episode-54-lord-of-the-rings/
The Hobbits set off for Rivendell, for reasons that are never, ever made clear, and are pursued relentlessly by water-soluble bad guys! They meet an ally along the way, who literally pops up out of nowhere and who they follow for literally no reason at all! The characters manage to have no personalities while simultaneously being somehow unlikable, but at least someone gets stabbed! Who? You’ll just have to listen to find out!But our Patreon supporters already know, because they got to tune in when we recorded the episode, all the way back in October! If you want to join us for a livestream, just head over to www.patreon.com/TableReads and become a patron! You’ll also get early access to our episodes, AD-FREE, plus so much more!Our episodes are also available as in-studio videos on YouTube! Just go to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com and subscribe!As always, you can reach out to us on Twitter @TheTableReads or find us on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/Tablereads If you’d like more information on this script, our friends over at Screenplay Archaeology did a whole episode on it, which you can find here: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com/e/episode-54-lord-of-the-rings/
The start of any movie is where characters, themes and conflicts are established. There is a call to action, the establishment of the central conceit of the movie. It appears John Boorman skipped that part of screenwriting school. What we get here in part one is a confusing party, inconsistent characters, and a completely unmotivated quest, that the characters literally believe to be a vacation. The beginning of this script is like a seven-year-old child recounting what they remember of the beginning of Peter Jackson’s Fellowship of the Ring, 3 months after they watched it. Join us as we discover John Boorman’s vision of Middle-Earth with all the pomp and circumstance of Bilbo’s eleventy-first birthday, and none of the boring establishment of what the One Ring is!We also have a Patreon now! Go to http://www.patreon.com/TableReads and sign up for early, ad-free access to all our episodes, livestreams of our recording sessions and more!Our episodes are also available as in-studio videos on YouTube! Just go to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com and subscribe!As always, you can reach out to us on Twitter @TheTableReads or find us on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/Tablereads If you’d like more information on this script, our friends over at Screenplay Archaeology did a whole episode on it, which you can find here: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com/e/episode-54-lord-of-the-rings/
This episode is ACTION-PACKED… by which we mean that there are pages and pages of no dialogue… but the sheer level of bonkers in that action makes up for it! No exaggeration here: the insanity of this last part of Indy 3 is far in excess of all the insanity that has come before! There is so much insanity that we couldn’t contain it to a normal-length episode!That’s right, as a special treat to you, our beloved listeners, this is a special episode that is almost TWO HOURS LONG! There was just so much indy we had to deliver into the world, we had to push through til the end. It might also have something to do with the fact that we’d rather start a new script for our 100th episode next week rather than be finishing one. Join us for this unparalleled finale episode. It’s so crazy, it moves right past terrible and swings around to amazing. It closes the loop. Unbelievable, really. Just, wow.Another special treat for you is that Table Reads is now available as a video podcast! Check out youtube.tablereadspodcast.com to see the video! Feel free to subscribe over there to never miss an episode. We make funny faces, it’s worth it. Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads. You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen
I know we’ve given you Nazi speedboats, machine gun arms, haunted castles and even a giant tank, but part 7 is where things really start to get silly! We’re talking distracted giant tank driving, African Mountain Sharks, golden cities and gorilla-people! Play a drinking game with this episode: When you get to a point where you assume Stephen Spielberg threw down the script in disgust, take a shot!**Table Reads claims no responsibility for liver failure as a result of this drinking game. This episode also marks the first time we recorded the podcast as a video! Check out youtube.tablereadspodcast.com to see the video! Feel free to subscribe over there to never miss an episode. We make funny faces, it’s worth it. Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads. You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen
This whole episode is basically just the fight against the giant tank. BUT OH, WHAT A FIGHT! It has a Rhino! And a Ravine! And a bi-Plane! And a friendship tree! The giant tank sequence is basically the Death Star Trench run, but if the Ewoks were fighting on the sides, and TIE fighters worked by crashing into people, and there was a random Tauntaun.The point is: this is the most ambitious and also bonkers sequence ever dreamed up for Indiana Jones, and that’s including the infamous fridge.Agree? Disagree? Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads. You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen
As we re-join Indy, he is in the midst of a huge pirate battle in the Zambesi river. But that’s far from the most exciting thing to happen to Indy in this episode! Because we go from Pirates to the jungle, where the Nazis have unleashed a new weapon seemingly just to use against Indy!And I really want to elaborate but I also really, really don’t want to spoil the surprise! So give this a listen. It is absolutely unbelievable. You’ll kick yourself if you miss this one.And, as always, your input is welcomed! Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads. You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen
Hey there. Are you looking for some exposition? WE’VE GOT IT! Are you looking for a bunch of Betsy hijinks? WE’VE GOT THAT TOO! How about some Pirates? Oh, we’ve fucking GOT THAT. Join us for Part 4 of Chris Columbus’ most notorious script, as Indy continues his journey to find… some very nice fresh fruit? And, as always, your input is welcomed! Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads. You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen
Part three opens with Indy having just arrived in Africa, where he quickly meets an immortal pygmy, upsets some Nazis, and has to get in a speedboat chase in order to rescue that pygmy from those Nazis, lest he give Hitler the secret to his immortality...And if all of that sounds reasonable to you, then we’re flattered that you’ve discovered our podcast, Mr. Columbus!Whether you’re Chris Columbus or just someone suffering through his writing with us, let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads. You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen
As we continue reading Chris Columbus’ Indy script, we wrap up the Scooby Doo portion (which appears to have no bearing on anything to come), we get some bizarre Professor Jones hijinks before our quest is finally established, and yes, there is a fair amount of attempted suicide, as all Indiana Jones movies must have…?If you watched Temple of Doom one time, on an airplane, drunk, with a crying baby next to you and headphones that kept cutting out and that was all you ever knew about Indiana Jones and then 10 years later, you tried to write a script based on what you remembered, you might write this exact script! Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads. You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen
Before we tell you about the episode, you should know: We have launched a Patreon page at http://www.patreon.com/TableReads -- sign up for ad-free episodes, early access, live-streamed recording sessions and more!Shawn, Josh and Jeff are reading a pre-Last Crusade Indy 3 script, and right out of the gate, Chris Columbus gives us the most-unlike-Indy Indiana Jones script you can possibly imagine. In fact, if you were to tell me that he had written a Scooby-Doo movie and just changed all the names, I WOULD BELIEVE IT. In the first 16 pages of this script, there are no less than a dozen Scooby-Doo Tropes… and nothing at all that you would affiliate with Indiana Jones. So far, this has been one of the most bonkers, mind-twisting scripts we’ve done so far. So give a listen and see if you agree! Then let us know by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads. You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen
It’s the Finale of Joss Whedon’s Wonder Woman script and, guys, it starts off in pretty much the dumbest way you can imagine, introducing the silliest aspect of the Wonder Woman mythos, and not even in a good or motivated fashion. Honestly, it feels like he was getting bored with writing the script and decided to just wrap it up as fast as he could. Give it a listen and let us know if you agree!If you'd like more, visit us at www.tablereadspodcast.com.You can also find us on Twitter or Instagram under the name @TheTableReads or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereadsIf YouTube is your favorite place for podcasts, head to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com or find us on whatever your preferred podcast platform is.Lastly, please visit our friends over on Screenplay Archaeology for in-depth stories behind some unproduced screenplays: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com
We were warned that this script got a bit icky, and this is the part where Joss finally endangers his Feminist Cred, as Diana is made less of a Wonder Woman and more of a Wonder Possession. And all for a man. For shame.If you'd like more, visit us at www.tablereadspodcast.com.You can also find us on Twitter or Instagram under the name @TheTableReads or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereadsIf YouTube is your favorite place for podcasts, head to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com or find us on whatever your preferred podcast platform is.Lastly, please visit our friends over on Screenplay Archaeology for in-depth stories behind some unproduced screenplays: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com
Steve and Diana arrive in Gateway City, where Diana faces off against Strife for the first time in what must be the biggest coincidence since that Venom goop randomly fell right next to Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3. Also like Spider-Man 3, there is a dance number. And, no, I am not fucking making that up. Luckily, this is overall not anywhere near as bad as Spider-Man 3, so you should be able to get through it without feeling the need to knock yourself unconscious.If you'd like more, visit us at www.tablereadspodcast.com.You can also find us on Twitter or Instagram under the name @TheTableReads or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereadsIf YouTube is your favorite place for podcasts, head to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com or find us on whatever your preferred podcast platform is.Lastly, please visit our friends over on Screenplay Archaeology for in-depth stories behind some unproduced screenplays: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com
It's part 2 of Joss Whedon's Wonder Woman and things have not gone too badly thus far...Diana establishes herself as a badass, we meet some proper villains, and a reporter is murdered by a train...dragon...skull...thing. Enjoy some fun screenwriting while you can, because we have been assured that this script takes a turn...If you'd like more, visit us at www.tablereadspodcast.com.You can also find us on Twitter or Instagram under the name @TheTableReads or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereadsIf YouTube is your favorite place for podcasts, head to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com or find us on whatever your preferred podcast platform is.Lastly, please visit our friends over on Screenplay Archaeology for in-depth stories behind some unproduced screenplays: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com
Shawn, Kelly and Joshua start reading Joss Whedon's much-reviled 2006 Wonder Woman script! It starts off with a pretty straightforward Wonder Woman origin story and, honestly, there's not much to be upset about in this first episode. Joss is a great writer who knows what he's doing... but this is also the straightforward part. There's time to go off the rails. For now, though, it's good enough to just enjoy Joss' take on the start of Diana's journey to becoming Wonder Woman...If you'd like more, visit us at www.tablereadspodcast.com.You can also find us on Twitter or Instagram under the name @TheTableReads or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereadsIf YouTube is your favorite place for podcasts, head to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com or find us on whatever your preferred podcast platform is.Lastly, please visit our friends over on Screenplay Archaeology for in-depth stories behind some unproduced screenplays: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com
This is it! The stunning finale of Gladiator 2! And by stunning, we mean "wherein literally not a single thing that has been set up in the entire script gets paid off and the story is completely abandoned in the middle of what should be the climax in order to just do something weird and dumb that makes no sense!"Yes, this script fulfilled all our greatest wishes for it. If you'd like more, visit us at www.tablereadspodcast.com.You can also find us on Twitter or Instagram under the name @TheTableReads or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereadsIf YouTube is your favorite place for podcasts, head to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com or find us on whatever your preferred podcast platform is.Lastly, please visit our friends over on Screenplay Archaeology for in-depth stories behind some unproduced screenplays: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com
85 - Gladiator Part 5

85 - Gladiator Part 5

2019-07-0901:09:51

As we reach the penultimate segment of our journey through... whatever this script is... we find that the unyielding resolve of the Christians is... pretty yielding, honestly. We get to spend some time with some pretty hip cats, get to stare at some people and get to take a full and precise inventory of everyone and every thing in Rome. With all this counting, you'd think they didn't have a confusing and complicated numerical system!Remember to check out our site at www.tablereadspodcast.com for all the latest news, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts to make sure you always get the latest episode.LASTLY: If you'd like to know more about the back story of some of the scripts we've read (and a bunch we haven't!), check out Screenplay Archeaology Podcast: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com
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