Tales from the Bargain Bin

Get the tree down from the attic and prepare your best over dinner arguments, cos it's about that time again as Claire and Ryan take a deep deep look into the Christmas abyss (abyssmass?), this time watching the wonderfully immature Will Ferrell in 2003s 'ELF' and its claymation family-friendly sing-along sequel 'Elf: Buddy's Musical Christmas' using the voice talent of Gilbert Gottfried and the voice of that Turkey from the Big Bang Theory.   Is this the most harshly maligned SNL alumni to Movie to Broadway Musical to Claymation special ever made?   Is this the most selfish representation of a Santa there has ever been?   And can somebody please check if James Caan is awake, please?   Listen in, check it out, have a damn good Christmas x   Yell at us: INSTA: TFTBBPODCAST TWITTER: TFTBBPODCAST EMAIL: TFTBBPODCAST@GMAIL.COM    

Claire and Ryan have gone full renegade cop with this month's offering, watching 76's The Enforcer, the third offering into Right-Wing Gun Nut Police Brutality fantasy Dirty Harry series and Italian Poliziotteschi clone 'Shadows in an Empty Room aka Blazing Magnum' from the same year. Get your police scanners a whirling as we ask the questions round here... Will we ever work our way through all the layers of Cpt. Saitta, to reach the gooey centre inside? How many Magnum deaths is too few magnum deaths? and is a prolonged car chase sequence standard Police Operating Procedure? Listen in as we play bad cop, bad cop on this most villainous title.   Emergency lines: Twitter: @tftbbpodcast Email: tftbbpodcast@gmail.com Insta: @tftbbpodcast

Tales from the Curmudgeonly Crypt returns this October with an Insectoid special as Claire and Ryan take a deep look into Baboon Butchery Caper, David Cronenberg's 1986 'The Fly' and it's straight to no point at all sequel, 1989's originally named 'The Fly II' starring Eric Stoltz and his lovely head of red hair.   What's the end game here? Why did the constant sacrificing of animals in the name of whatever the end game is? and why oh why is Dr. Seth dressed like Mr. Bean!? *These questions may or may not be answered on this episode of TALES FROM THE CURMUDGEONLY CRYPT!   Shout at us and call us names: Twitter: @tftbb Insta: @tftbbpodcast Email: Tftbbpodcast@gmail.com Music: Brains by Lifejacket  

This month is spy month, and Claire and Ryan certainly spied something dreadful on the horizon as they trudge through the mire to watch 1967s a classic Bond 'You only live twice', a misogyny fest featuring the most pointlessly inane plot device of all time and a not nearly racist enough (for Ryans taste) face changing operation.  Follow that cocktail up with the same years much under-discussed (see: scornfully judged) contribution to the 'Bond-verse', 'O.K Connery' (AKA: Operation Kid Brother), starring none other than Sean Connery's Plastering tradesman brother, Neil (not even a joke) and a full complement of previous Bond stars.   Is this how trade union disputes are normally settled? Why does Bond fake his death so elaborately? and Plastic Surgery, Lip Reading and Tibetan Hypnosis.  Are these the new weapons for the new spy of the new age? Find out and possibly more on Tales From The Bargain Bin.   Call us names: @tftbbpodcast tftbbpodcast@gmail.com Look at funny pictures on Insta to calm the screaming anxieties: @tftbbpodcast  

For this year's Summer Blockbuster Month Ryan and Claire enjoy a 1st class trip on 1997's RomTradge Titanic, before careening broadside-first into the floating frozen turd that is The Asylum and sinking into the fathomless depths to suffer an eternal nightmare at the bottom of the sea alongside 2010's Titanic II. Are the icebergs getting revenge for global warming? Can the sinking of the Titanic be attributed to a single pair of binoculars? And when is someone going to get justice for Hubert?!?! Join us on TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN! T: @tftbbpodcast I: @tftbbpodcast E: tftbb@gmail.com Music by Lifejacket

Strap yourself in, put your helmet and adjust the crotch of your Carpe Diem custom bike leathers whilst Claire and Ryan take you on a real wild ride this episode, as they take a look at 2001s High Octane, Low brow culture car toss fest 'Fast and The Furious' and then take a delve into the darkside and go a little off piste, to take a look into 2004's not so much a rip off as a failed cloning attempt 'Torque' under the instruction of Ryans good friend Neil. Who did Adams Scotts hair in this movie? While we're on the subject, who dressed him like that? And where the fucking hell did he get that comedy sized key!? Find out, and more, on Tales from the Bargain Bin.   Special thanks go out to Neil, who contributed much of the idea behind this episode and also his voice, opinions, and creative swearing.   Shout at us: T: @tftbbpodcast I: @tftbbpodcast E: tftbb@gmail.com Music by Lifejacket.

HIIIIeeeeYAHHHHH! It's the most wonderful time of the year from Claire and Ryan yet again as June Claude Van Damme rolls around for another session of roundhousing hilarity, and this time they've gone and delved right back into the archives for yet another of Ryans childhood favorites (but aren't they all? Or so he claims...) as the deadly duo ready their Iron Hands and Do tricks with bricks, watching 1988s based on a true story but definitely fabricated kicking tournament 'Bloodsport'.  Then this is followed up swiftly and decisively with 1996s late to the party sequel 'Bloodsport 2: The Next Kumite' starring a vaguely familiar man with a vaguely familiar accent. Are foreign prisons the worst place to be in the entire world ever? How many montages does it really take to snuff candles out by sheer will alone? And what the damn hell is going on with race representation in this franchise!? Listen in, ready your kicks and sweep your sand on another episode of TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN! Moan at us: @tftbbpodcast gawp at us: @tftbbpodcast (insta) Write us a boring letter of complaint: tftbbpodcast@gmail.com MUSIC BY LIFEJACKET

Ryan and Claire inexplicably travel back in time and visit the action blockbusters of '80's in a ballistic James Cameron double feature! We take in 1984's The Terminator AND 1986's Aliens in order to fully experience the egregious ripoff game of 1989's Shocking Dark, aka Terminator 2, aka Alienators, directed by Vincent Dawn. When will people realise that there is always a second time travel pod? Who exactly is making money off sales of the Bad Filmmaking Handbook and can we hold them accountable? And what is more deadly than The Terminator and Aliens combined? Why, a button-activated door of course! All this and more on TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN!!   Tweet us on @TFTBBpodcast, follow us on Instagram at tftbbpodcast, or email us TFTBBpodcast@gmail.com

As TFTBB hits over 2000 downloads, Claire and Ryan celebrate as any self-respecting podcasters would and watched 1977s rather dated but first of its kind sports comedy 'Slapshot' starring Paul Newman in a leather suit and hilarious misogyny.  Crashing into the 3rd quarter came 'Slapshot 2: Breaking The Ice' starring a definitely post Ususal Suspects Stephen Baldwin and reigniting the only good characters from the first one. Ryan also knocks out a new segment he very cleverly refers to as Baldwin Bedlam and pushes Claire's Stephen Baldwin's knowledge to its very limits.  Utterly without her consent.   Could this franchise be any more boring? What's with Airport bars and being an Oasis of divination and third act ignition? And has anyone ever actually uttered the phrase 'Get me a Baldwin!' with Stephen in mind?   Questions are raised and barely answered on Tales From The Bargain Bin!   Complaints this way: Email: Tftbbpodcast@gmail.com Twitter: @tftbbpodcast Insta: tftbbpodcast Music by Lifejacket.    

In what is definitely their most forced title for an episode to date, Claire and Ryan cook up an absolute storm and delve into the hairy world of Rats that can cook, which can only mean one thing. Pixar's 2007 typically wonderful parasitic relationship animated rat feature 'Ratatouille' and it's incredibly unconvincing and oh so foul-tasting Brazilian knock-off 'Ratatoing', brought to us by Video Brinquedo. What the hell has been unleashed to defend that kitchen and why is it vaguely cat-shaped? Do the creators of this monstrosity actually hold out hope for the award season? and how bad does your film have to be if even Disney can't be bothered to sue you? Tune in, check it out and reel in horror on TFTBB! Get in touch: Twitter: @TFTBBpodcast Insta: TFTBBpodcast Gmail: tftbbpodcast@gmail.com Music by Lifejacket

TFTBB normal service resumes this month when Claire and Ryan retreat from the sunlight and get their teeth sunk into a Vampire Classic and it's straight to video sequel. You guessed it, it's 1987's Bon Jovi Children of the night cult classic 'The Lost Boys' and its not so good or classic for that matter sequel from 2010, 'The Lost Boys 3: The Thirst'. Why is everyone always laughing in this first film? Is there some kind of Garlic Broth available on the market? And did Corey Feldman supply his own set of Katanas? Listen in and find out on Tales from the Bargain Bin!   Get in touch: Twitter: @tftbb Email: tftbbpodcast@gmail.com Insta: tftbbpodcast Music by Lifejacket.

And that's it! That's another miserable decade out of the way and another year of movies watched, Claire and Ryan cash in shamelessly again for the second time and take a trip down memory dark and shady alley to discuss what movies they saw, liked, hated and tolerated this year. The Binnies get another runout, with awards going to the highly and lowly esteemed alike. Which film sucked the most? Which film didn't suck just enough to get called moderately ok? Tune in and find out! Special end of the year thanks go to the following: Adrian the Housemate Jean Claude Van Damme Anybody who has posted reviews and tweets Various websites on the internet Lifejacket Freesound.org Fact checker Dave and of course, all the filmmakers, who like us, have ideas well above their station.  

This Christmas Season Claire and Ryan flee in Christmas terror from 1984's cult classic Silent Night Deadly Night, and reestablish personal space boundaries with its fourth sequel 1991's Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker. Why doesn't ignoring problems make them go away? What happened to Mickey Rooney in the late 80's? And what the holly jolly fuck is this robot's problem?! Find out TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN!!  Merry Christmas ya filthy animals. Christmas Tweet us @tftbbpodcast, Christmas email us at TFTBBpodcast@gmail.com, check out our Christmas Insta tftbbpodcast

This week Ryan and Claire get ready for their unflattering close-ups with found footage phenomenon Paranormal Activity (2009) and it's phenomenally, but unsurprisingly disappointing knock-off Paranormal Entity. Is Shane van Dyke the hardest working man in Hollywood? Does every handyman worth his salt keep bells in his toolbox? Who put Dad next to the Cillit Bang?! Find out this and the Top Ten Lionel Richie songs of the afterlife on TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN!!! Tweet us @TFTBBpodcast, Email us at TFTBBpodcast@gmail.com, follow us on Instagram tftbbpodcast

In the terrifying month of Spooktober on TALES FROM THE CURMUDGEONLY CRYPT Ryan and Claire get their ghoulish gladrags on and try to find dates for the prom in 1976's horror classic CARRIE and it's 1999 teen high school sequel THE RAGE: CARRIE 2. How much teenage bush is too much teenage bush? (hint: any amount!!) What's Tim Allen's depraved stake in all this? And how is it possible that 90's staple Breckin Meyer isn't in this film?! Find out on TALES FROM THE CURMUDGEONLY CRYPT!!! Tweet us @TFTBBpodcast or Email us at TFTBBpodcast@gmail.com

This week Ryan and Claire dodge CHUDs, mutants, and cyborgs and seek salvation amongst the stars with 1981's Escape From New York and its 1983' Italian exploitation knock off 2019 After The Fall Of New York. Is Snake Pliskin the coolest guy to ever dress like an Action Man? Is 2019 the most dangerous time to be a woman? And what kind of name is Parsifal anyway? Find out of TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN!!! Follow us @TFTBBpodcast, or email us at TFTBBpodcast@gmail.com

This week Ryan and Claire swim for their lives from the Deep Blue Sea (1999) and into the deeper, bluer sea of 2018’s Deep Blue Sea 2. How many side effects are too many? When will Super Shark Juice ™ be available to the consumer, like you or I? And I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords! Find out on TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN @TFTBBpodcast TFTBBpodcast@gmail.com

In this episode, Claire and Ryan have gone Amity Island to Calamity Ville, just stopping off in Italy to savor the salt air as Spielberg Blockbuster 'Jaws' and Bruno Matteis not so blockbusting Italiano Knockoff/Sequel 'Cruel Jaws' are looked at, gasped at and generally ridiculed. Is this Sharks name actually Cruel Jaws? How many professional Hulk Hogan Impersonators is too many? And Behold! The greatest Windsurfing Duel ever put to the Silver Screen. Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum-DumDum-Dum-Dum-Dum-DumDum-Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum Moan at us: @tftbbpodcast tftbbpodcast@gmail.com Music by LifeJacket.

This episode Claire and Ryan deliver a rousing half time speech and discuss everyone's favorite lil slugger 50's nostagiathon 'The Sandlot Kids' and it's on the injury table and disgraced in the media coke habit cousin 'The Sandlot Kids 3: Heading Home', starring the late Luke Perry. Who is this film even for anyway? What the heck did they do to Benny!? And could Luke Perry have averted 9/11 if he'd tried? Find out on this next installment of 'TALES FROM THE BARGAIN BIN'! Here batter batter batter: @tftbbpodcast tftbbpodcast@gmail.com Music by Lifejacket.  

This week Claire and Ryan have been through a horrific accident and have been resurrected by the miracle of Science and just a teensy splash of Ancient Necromancy, as we watch 2014's internet hated remake of a classic 'Robocop' starring Joel Kinneman and Batman, and then compare the shiny armors of The Asylums efforts in 2014's internet unknown 'Android Cop' starring Michael Jai White and Tinman. Does this man not know his plans from his stages? Could this Android Cop be any more average? And is there actually anything worse out there than Chappie!? Find out! on Tales from the Bargain Bin.   Get in touch: @tftbbpodcast tftbbpodcast@gmail.com Music: Lifejacket - Brains