We asked listeners -- what random act of kindness moved you after you were chumped? Tracy tells about her mysterious breakfast benefactor and Sarah shares a story about the time her car broke down. We hear about infidelity angels and kind strangers who appeared at just the right time with encouragement and support. A departure from the usual look at bad actors, this week we celebrate good people.
Tracy and Sarah answer your letters including one from a woman who discovered her husband was telling people online that she was dead and referred to another woman and their child as "wife and daughter." Is this a game to him? Is he cheating? Or is this guy a sociopath? Another listener wonders what chumps would do differently if they knew about the cheating sooner.
Welcome to a special Valentine's Day edition of Tell Me How You're Mighty! Sarah and Tracy discuss our worst Valentine's Days, smug coupledom, and a shared hatred of carnations. We read submissions from the Infidelity Valentine's poetry contest, where cheaters are immortalized in verse. (One submission is even a punk rock song.)
Sarah and Tracy respond to a recent Chump Lady post "10 Questions to Ask Your Unfaitfhul Spouse." Unlike a reconciliation article, these are actual questions you should ask, but will probably not get an honest answer to. "Do you buy sex?" "Did you use protection?" and "Did anyone get pregnant?" are a few we cover. We also celebrate a story of mightiness this week from a chump who went into business for herself.
Shani Silver, TikToker, author of a Single Revolution, and the podcast A Single Serving, is a unique voice of support, shedding the societal shame around singlehood. With Sarah and Tracy, she gives a snarky take down of dating culture, the misogyny of "He's Just Not That Into You," and the cringiest thing anyone has ever said to her about being single. She also reacts to the FW of the Week -- an ex-boyfriend who demanded last year's Christmas present back.
The holidays are coming and it's a good time to remember all the things you do not (or will not) miss about your cheating ex. We hear about puppets in church, obnoxious sneezing, and hair powder. Horrific hygiene and rage driving. Bizarre hobbies and bad attitudes. Sound engineer Beowulf does his best dramatic Grinchy Thurl Ravenscroft voice to read the list. Sarah and Tracy react in horror. Thank god, no more taxidermy.
We're back with Dr. Peter Salerno this week talking about his new book "Cruelty By Nature: The Science of Intentional Abuse." If you've been at the receiving end of abuse and were confused why unconditional love wasn't working, this episode is for you. Do some people enjoy being cruel? Is unkindess its own reward? Salerno discusses the research around personality disorders and sadism and takes on therapists who endangers victims when they counsel victims to meet harmful acts with forgiveness and greater understanding. Conventional therapy argues that antisocial behavior comes from a person acting out trauma and masking shame. This view, Salerno argues, ignores behavioral science. Some people behave unethically because their brutish methods work for them. Worse, some disordered people actually derive pleasure from hurting others.
Tracy and Sarah react to your polyamory experiments. The open marriage stories keep coming... In this episode we hear about a man with two sister wives. (Literally). A polyamorous marriage that was one-sided, while he tomcatted around and left her with the kids. And a therapist who helps other people negotiate ethical non-monogamy while was unbeknownst married to a guy who practiced it unethically.
We asked listeners if they'd been propositioned by their partner to be in an open relationship, only to find they were being cheated on. The polyamory disaster stories are in!
In this episode we asked listeners for their Worst Exits Ever stories. The cheaters who abandoned the family at Christmas. Or during a health crisis. Or just days before a giant exam. During the third round of chemo. Or when the chump is pregnant with twins. What's going on? Are they maximizing the cruelty? Is it deliberate? The good news is, everyone who reported in said after the initial hardship, life is a lot better without a heartless loser.
Tracy interviews Gretchen Baskerville author of the book and blog "Life-Saving Divorce." Gretchen has been a visible critic of the "Reconciliation Industrial Complex" and Christian evangelical marriage retreats in particular. She's followed up with participants of expensive marriage intensives and found 7 in 10 later divorced or separated within the year. A stark contrast to the "your marriage can be saved in a WEEK" promotionals. Tracy and Gretchen discuss the victim-blaming and spiritual abuse surrounding divorce and the resources that focus on shaming people, especially women, into staying married all at costs.
A recent news article discussed the increase in popularity of polyamory as an option on dating sites, while contrasting it with real life TV shows featuring polyamorous relationships, like Sister Wives, where the arrangement collapsed and they defaulted to monogamy. Sarah and Tracy compare notes on the impracticality of multiple sex partners in our middle-aged, busy lives. And also how "open marriage" is often on offer after you find out you were in one, but were the last to know.
Tracy talks with pyschologist Dr. Peter Salerno about the intersection of infidelity and personality disorders. A lot of conventional therapy assumes that clients lack insight into their behavior and that antisocial behavior is the result of childhood trauma. Dr. Salerno argues that this approach ignores the behavioral science of personality disorders. Manipulation, deception, and a pathological lack of remorse are hallmarks of narcissism and sociopathy and these abusive acts are intentional. And to a certain extent, even hard-wired. How does this science challenge the victim-blaming narratives around infidelity? Could the serial cheater, family abandoner, or deadbeat parent have a personality disorder? Do these manipulative characters keep you confused and hopeful on purpose? *** Peter Salerno, PsyD, is a retired licensed psychotherapist, trauma-informed educator, and the author of Nature and Nurture of Narcissism; and Traumatic Cognitive Dissonance: Healing from an Abusive Relationship with a Disordered Personality. Dr. Salerno has received specialized training in trauma treatment and personality disorders and was trained to administer and score the Hare Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R), the international standard for the clinical and forensic assessment of psychopathy. He has treated mental health conditions in a variety of clinical settings. His first book, Fit For Off Duty, has been required reading for law enforcement officers at the FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia. Dr. Salerno has consulted internationally for educational purposes with individuals who have experienced traumatic cognitive dissonance resulting from pathological relationship abuse. He is also a featured expert in the Hulu/Disney+ docuseries Ted Bundy: Dialogue with the Devil, where he contributed his expertise on psychopathy and personality pathology. Follow him at Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drpetersalerno/ On Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@DrPeterSalerno
Chump Nation came up in an NPR discussion about how to define cheating. Unfortunately, the commentators seemed to have no lived experience or deep sunk costs with a cheater. The conversation centered on rejections like your boyfriend making out with someone else. Guest host Jenny the Happy Hausfrau blogger and Tracy defend the position that infidelity is a form of abuse and debunk the romanticism of cheating. You can hear the original discussion at NPR here: What Really Counts As Cheating?
What happens when you discover your teen or adult child has been cheated on? Do your kids navigate this better if you modeled good boundaries? Or is the chump condition heriditary? In this episode, Sarah discusses how her daughter Jess reacted when she discovered her boyfriend acting shady. The Universal Bullshit Translator makes its first podcast appearance as it digests Jess's boyfriend's waffly, lame excuses.
Sarah and Tracy hear from listeners about how their cheaters' affairs were exposed. (None of them by Jumbotron, alas.) Some affair partners outed the relationships to win the pick-me dance. In other cases, technology mishaps led to discovery. (Why don't these people learn how devices synch?) It's painful however you find out, but it's better to know than waster another minute being duped.
Guest cohost Jenny aka The Happy Hausfrau blogger and Tracy discuss the Bezo wedding extravangaza and what happens when affair partners marry. We hear from listeners about Schmoopie nupitals and what marriage means to the monogamy challenged.
It's the biggest cheating scandal of the year -- former Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and his subordinate HR Chief Kristin Cabot caught mid-canoodle by a Jumbotron "kiss cam." The world is reveling in schadenfreude, but what does it mean to the chumped? Vindication? A beautiful accountability fantasy come true? Sympathy for the kids involved? We hear from listeners about their feelings on the Jumbotron story and why cheater ridicule is having a moment.
Guest co-host Jenny aka the Happy Hausfrau blogger and Tracy snark about the guy who proposed marriage to his ChatGPT girlfriend, but not his live-in girlfriend and mother of his child. Are ChatGPT paramours the new frontier in AI cheating? How narcissistic is it to have a programmable girlfriend?
You never know what kind of reaction you'll get when you confront a cheater. On the one hand are the stone cold freaks with no adaptive anxiety. They lean into their lies and never break a sweat. Even in the face of hard evidence. Alternatively, are the cheaters who completely lose their composure. To the guy who had a meltdown and hopped away in a sleeping bag, to others who feign psychiatric crises. In this episode we hear about your cheaters' craziest reactions to being busted.