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Terrible Book Club

Author: Chris & Paris

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Join Chris & Paris every other Tuesday to discover if you really can judge a book by its hideous cover, bad title, or weird synopsis.


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99 Episodes
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Chris Fenton promises a "deeply revealing memoir" with Feeding the Dragon, but is it actually just a glossy, dimensionless jerk-off session with a shoddy Chinese backdrop instead? You decide. Article we referenced during this episode: Debunking Hollywood Agent: Is Chris Fenton ‘Feeding the Dragon’ or Feeding His Ego? by Andrew Rossow, Esq. Content Warnings: sinophobia, extremely brief mentions of drug use and suicide We read this book at the request of our Patron Lynn as part of their Patreon rewards. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book, head over to our Patreon and select the $10/month tier.
We review a religious text this week! Lured in by the promise of a faith focused on big-assed women and body positivity, we find ourselves deceived by a man who uses women as a prop to try to convince readers to worship him. The Book of Adonitology's summary tells us that it is, "one of the most influential books in the history of literature, recognized as one of the greatest literary master pieces of its time." Its Best Sellers Ranking of 1,551,929 says otherwise - that's an approximate sales rate of a whopping 3 books per month. Content Warnings: Aside from our usual barnyard language, we've got: religious cults, sex cults, homophobia, transphobia, antiquated racial slurs, enslavement/torture, and the sexualization of women with large butts.
Like a plane soaring to cruising altitude in calm, sunny weather, Ninth House really set itself up for success in the first 70% of the book. It had lifelike characters, believable dialogue and internal monologues, settings based on the real world, and even a mostly coherent magic system! However, our happy little plane began to lose altitude at a staggering rate in the latter 30% of the book, culminating in a stuttered, turbulent crash on the tarmac. There were no casualties, but some were injured. Thanks to friend-of-the-show Liz for recommending this book to us! Content warnings: Aside from our usual barnyard language, we’ve got: drug use, ghosts, gore, guns, ritual magic, sexual assault, & stabbing.
D & Ken from Antiques Freaks return - and combine with us, Captain Planet style - for another episode of Terrible Antique Book Freaks! We use Eye of Argon rules to read The Thing Invisible, the final story in the Carnacki the Ghost Finder collection.  Is it an invisible horse again? Does the horse have a knife? Are these butlers also gay, but for knives? Have your Carnacki bingo cards at the ready! Content Warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: knives/stabbing, guns, and a bit of Victorian gore.
Happy New Year, listeners! In our first episode of Season 6, we determine that the true villain of bad writing may in fact be capitalism. Thanks to our friend Liz for recommending this to us after she found it through the magic of bad Amazon SEO. Content warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: rape (aka non-con or non-consensual erotica); graphic sex, physical abuse, and porn.
It's winter holiday time, so you all get a little gift from TBC. Please enjoy this special Patron's Choice presentation of Terrible Film Club, where you can watch The Plot Against The President with us! The version we watched has already been taken down, but this link was working as of 12/27/2020. Just hit "play" when we do and it'll be like we're suffering right there alongside you. You can also rent or buy this film if you so desire. If you enjoyed this and would like more of it, you can subscribe to our Patreon at the $5/month level or higher to access more episodes of Terrible Film Club. We've watched such film tragedies as the Maradonia movie, Glenn Danzig's Verotika, The Chemical Wedding, Super Mario Bros, and many more. We watched this movie at the request of our Patron Martin as part of their Patreon rewards. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book (or watch a movie!), head over to our Patreon and select the $10/month tier.
Hounded: The Iron Druid Chronicles, Book One is basically an Irish shonen anime. Does the world need more male power fantasies devoid of consequences? No. Does the world need more well-written dog characters? Yes. We read this book at the request of our Patron Lucek Jay Again as part of their Patreon rewards. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book, head over to our Patreon and select the $10/month tier.
We've somehow been doing this for 100 episodes! We read a sci-fi horror short story with poor pacing and character development, then move on to the inaugural Terrible Book Club Awards! Afterward, we answer a few listener/patron questions and discuss how the show and we as hosts have changed in the last 5 years. Thanks to YouTube user AwfulBookClub for recommending we read They Came with the Snow by Christopher Coleman for today's episode.
Today we read a book that was recommended to us on Twitter over a year ago by Twitter user @GeneCurl. The Demon Pig is a clever, fun fantasy novel full of delightful animal characters, but it narrowly misses the opportunity to be a truly great parody. If you're just looking for a spot of cheer with sharp jokes that pokes a bit of fun at the fantasy genre, though, get a copy for yourself! Content warnings: Just our usual barnyard language this time!
Chris found When TRUMPets Ring: The Battle - A True Story by Gregory Hetzer out in the wild on the C-SPAM thread on the SomethingAwful forums. Yes, I have stairs in my house...do YOU have stairs? This book is the author's attempt at an autobiography meant to encourage the reader to embrace his pro-life, anti-abortion stance. No matter what your opinion on abortion, though, we can all come out from behind our partisan divides to agree that this book needs a serious editor to rewrite and restructure it entirely before it's ever going to change anyone's mind. Content Warning: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today we've got: abortion, domestic violence (brief mentions), death, gunshots, anti-Islamic rhetoric, patriarchal ideas, and suicide (brief mentions).
Happy U.S. Election Day! We all need some extra entertainment today, so we're airing this episode a week early. We read a book of feminist cartoons and learn that humor has shifted a lot since the late 1970s in America. Sadly, little else has shifted very much, though  - like equal treatment under the law, healthcare, and the dominance of fossil fuels...which is a great reminder to vote today if you haven't already! Unrelated Good Children's Book Alert: Meeka Caldwell wrote A Friend Like Anian to represent black families and folks with down syndrome in children's literature. If you're looking to expand your young child's library or know someone who is, check it out!
We read this book at the request of our Patron Will as part of his Patreon rewards. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book, head over to our Patreon and select the $10/month tier. On page 2 of Universal Harvester, you're already invested in the mystery: what's being spliced into the tapes at the local video rental store - snuff; child abuse; human trafficking? If you lived during the era of VHS rental, have ever liked a David Lynch creation, a Chuck Palahniuk book, or House of Leaves and ache for a story with emotional intelligence that's anything but predictable - John Darnielle has your number. Content warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: car accidents and suggested captivity/torture/murder.
Late Bloomer is a perfectly good gay billionaire erotic romance novel (if that's the sort of thing you're looking for). It even has realistic internal monologues and dialogue along with believable characters! However, it's written in the "a/b/o/omegaverse" parallel universe that Paris and Chris have a hard time understanding. We read this book at the request of our Patron D as part of their Patreon rewards. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book, head over to our Patreon and select the $10/month tier. Content Warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: graphic and unusual sexual content (specifically, alternate human/dog biology)
We read this book at the request of our Patron Jakub as part of their Patreon rewards. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book, head over to our Patreon and select the $10/month tier. What if Covid-19 was a man - and you loved that man? Do neural networks produce bad books just like human authors? Content warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: Covid-19 and graphic sexual content.
Come along with us, listeners, to the fabled land of The Dunks where all value is now held in gallons of iced coffee, and all inter-state sports travel requires the hiring of Mad Max militias. Published in 2018 and illustrated by Elijah Stanfield, The Tuttle Twins and the Fate of the Future encourages your children to ask, "Should we coerce others to get what we want?" Content warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: political discussion. It is impossible to discuss this book without also discussing politics, so please be aware of that and skip this one if you’re not interested in hearing about anything political!
We read Flashback this week at the request of our Patron J as part of their Patreon rewards. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book, head over to our Patreon and select either the $5 or $10/month tier. Our best approximation of Flashback is, "sci-fi noir alt-right doomsday fairy tale." You have been warned. Short-story mentioned around the 20-minute mark: Outside the KFC by Claudia Ward-de León Content warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: age and gender dynamics, drug use, racism (specifically, direct and frequent usage of several racial descriptors considered by most to be extremely offensive), sexual assault, violence, and weapons. It is impossible to discuss this book without also discussing politics, so please be aware of that and skip this one if you’re not interested in hearing about anything political.
Get your bingo cards ready! We've invited the Antiques Freaks over to our place again to read yet another story from Carnacki the Ghost Finder. This time, we tackle The Gateway of the Monster. Chris treats us to some expert scoring and sound effects while Paris insults the entirety of the British isles with her awful fake accent.
Paris and Chris return to the very horny Midlands with our woods guide, TJ! He helped us out when we read Stone of Tears, and he was so invaluable that we put a Rada-Han on him and forced him to guide us through Blood of the Fold, too. Although not strictly necessary, we recommend listening to the 2 other episodes we've done regarding the Sword of Truth series before starting this one: Episode 3 - Episode 03 - Wizard's First Rule (Sword of Truth Series Book #1) by Terry Goodkind Episode 22 - Stone of Tears by Terry Goodkind (Sword of Truth Series Book #2) *Special Guest TJ Allen* Our commentary on the first season of the ABC series adaptation of these books - the Legend of the Seeker - is is available on our Patreon if you need even more Sword of Truth content. Content Warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: ageism, body shaming, sex, sexual assault, torture, and generalized violence.
This week we discuss another book that Chris found out in the real world at a local book store: a self-help book that's based on the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz.  If you've got difficult problems in life and choices to make, just think - What Would Dorothy Do? Content Warnings: Just our usual barnyard language and a brief mention of sexual assault.
Although not strictly necessary, we recommend listening to these 4 other episodes before starting this one in the following order: Episode 11 - Maradonia and the Seven Bridges Episode 62 - Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld Episode 63 - Maradonia and the Gold of Ophir Episode 86 - The Secret of Moon Lake This book was chosen by our patron Dari as part of her Patreon reward. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book, head over to our Patreon and select either the $5 or $10/month tier. Our commentary on the Maradonia movie is available on our Patreon at those tiers as well if you need even more Maradonia content.
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