The Affair Recovery Room

Tim Tedder welcomes coach and author Annette Chesney to talk about one of the most confusing and painful dynamics people face in marriage: loving someone who may be on the narcissistic spectrum. Annette walks us through her four-category Narcissistic Relationship Spectrum, a practical way to identify the differences between normal human imperfection, fear-driven reactivity, calculated manipulation, and the dangerous end of narcissistic behavior. She explains why many partners spend years feeling blamed, confused, and spiritually guilted into staying quiet, and how narcissists often exploit grace, forgiveness, and faith-based values to avoid accountability.Together, Tim and Annette explore why narcissists rarely change, how they can fool counselors, how narcissism shows up in infidelity, and why partners often blame themselves long after the relationship has eroded their confidence. Annette also shares pieces of her own story.If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it me?” or felt like you can’t trust your own perceptions, this conversation may be the clarity you’ve been needing.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/034Free Narcissistic Relationship Spectrum: https://annettechesney.com/spectrumAnnette Chesney Website: https://annettechesney.comDo you wonder if narcissism may have contributed to your having an affair? Are you curious about change? The RENOVATE Project may be just for you.Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

In this final episode of Kevin Leaves, we return to Kevin’s story during the third year after he left his marriage and family. By this time, more than two years have passed since he moved away to build a new life with the woman who had been his affair partner. Kevin reaches out again after more than a year of silence, ready to talk about the choices he’s made and the ways they’ve shaped his life. Then again, three months later, I learn about a significant shift in his story.This episode marks the end of the recorded conversations I had with Kevin. This series is a rare, honest look into the unfolding years after leaving a marriage for a relationship born in secrecy. It is only one story, but there are things we can all learn from it.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/033Help for Unfaithful Partners: AffairHealing.com/RENOVATESign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

Episode 3 of Kevin Leaves returns to Kevin’s story after a six-month pause in our conversations. By this point, he’s been away from his family for fifteen months, building a life with the woman who had been his affair partner. When Kevin calls me in November, he’s ready to talk about what these months have really felt like—what’s been encouraging, what’s been painful, and where the cracks are beginning to show.Kevin reflects on the summer visit with his children, three weeks he had looked forward to with excitement. He tells me what went well and what surprised him, including the emotional distance that lingered beneath the surface. He also talks openly about the tension with his ex-wife, the strain that shows up around holidays, and the difficulty of staying connected as a long-distance father.The challenges in his new relationship are becoming harder to ignore. Kevin describes a conflict with his partner over the attention he gives his children, and how competing needs and expectations are creating friction that neither anticipated. The emotional weight of his ex-wife beginning a new relationship adds another layer he wasn’t prepared for.Later in the episode, we move forward to a second call in late February. Much has shifted by then—externally and internally. Some of the hopes Kevin carried into this new life now feel less certain. Some of the realities he thought he could avoid have followed him anyway.This episode captures the slow, complicated unraveling that often happens after a major life change. The distance, the longing, the conflict, and the unexpected pain—this is what the second year after leaving really felt like for Kevin.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Web Page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/032Help for Unfaithful Partners: AffairHealing.com/RENOVATESign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

In this second episode of Kevin Leaves, Kevin reflects on his first Christmas after leaving his family, a holiday filled with both warmth and grief. He talks about the good moments: time with his children and the pleasure in spending the holidays with his parents. But he also describes the painful parts: the tension with his ex-wife, the awkwardness of returning to a home he no longer lived in, and the sting of hearing his children say home didn’t feel much different since he left.Kevin also opens up about the growing strain in his new relationship. His partner struggled with the attention he gave his children, and conflicts emerged as they navigated the reality of blending these two separate worlds. To make things more complicated, Kevin was processing the news that his wife had begun a relationship of her own—an emotional shift he hadn’t fully prepared for.This episode gives a raw, unedited look at the push and pull of holiday nostalgia, parental longing, relational conflict, and the complex emotions that come with watching someone you once loved move on. It’s a glimpse into what the first year of separation really felt like from the inside.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode web page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts?031For unfaithful partners who want to understand their behavior and build a more fulfilling relationship: The RENOVATE ProjectSign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

Kevin Leaves is a four-part series built from three years of recorded conversations with a man who walked away from his marriage and children to pursue a relationship that began as an affair. In this first episode, The First Few Months, we step into the early aftermath of that decision: the shockwaves, the doubts, and the small daily moments that reveal what leaving actually costs.These early conversations follow Kevin as he moves out of the family home and tries to stay connected to his children while preparing to relocate for a new job and a new life with his affair partner. We hear the tension with his wife, the awkward and painful transitions with his kids, and the unexpected strain that begins surfacing in his new relationship. Kevin talks about longing and hope, but also about shame—the kind that rises quietly after the adrenaline fades.This episode doesn’t excuse or condemn. It simply lets us sit with someone who made a life-altering choice and is now navigating all the complicated emotions that follow. The First Few Months offers an unfiltered look at the early days after leaving: the confusion, the small heartbreaks, the unresolved questions, and the weight of decisions that can’t be undone.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Webpage: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/030For Involved Partners: The RENOVATE ProjectSign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

In this follow-up to Some Bad Advice About Affair Recovery, Tim tackles five more common myths that often derail genuine healing after infidelity. These are the messages that sound certain: “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” “Just fix your marriage,” or “If you forgive, you should trust again.” But they oversimplify the work of affair recovery.Through real stories, insight, and a few creative audio sketches, Tim explores what these familiar slogans get wrong and what healthier, more hopeful alternatives look like. Listeners will learn why change is possible, why trust can’t be rushed, and why even painful chapters don’t have to define the rest of the story.This episode brings honesty and compassion together to remind us that recovery isn’t about quick fixes or perfection; it’s about truth, growth, and grace for what comes next.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/029Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

There’s a lot of advice out there about how to recover from infidelity. Not all of it is good. In this episode (the first of a two-part series), Tim Tedder explores some of the worst pieces of “bad advice” that couples often hear after an affair. From the pressure to instantly leave or immediately forgive, to the temptation to keep secrets or “stay friends” with an affair partner, these myths can quietly sabotage genuine healing.Through insight and storytelling, Tim explains why quick fixes and black-and-white solutions don’t work. Real recovery takes honesty, courage, and self-awareness, not one-size-fits-all answers. Along the way, short audio sketches bring these ideas to life, revealing how common these faulty beliefs really are and how couples can move beyond them toward trust, growth, and connection.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/028Information: The Renovate ProjectSign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

“How long will this take?” It’s the question every betrayed and unfaithful partner asks after an affair. Some people want to move on as quickly as possible, while others remain frozen in the pain for years. But recovery isn’t measured by months or milestones; it’s measured by movement.In this episode, Tim explores why healing timelines vary so widely and what really determines progress. Through two short audio sketches, he illustrates what happens when recovery moves too fast or lingers too long, when pain turns into pressure or when regret hardens into resentment. Then, he offers a clear picture of what healthy recovery looks like: honesty, empathy, consistent effort, and small moments of safety returning over time.Whether you’re three weeks or three years past discovery, this episode will help you shift focus from “How long will it take?” to “How far have we come?” and “Where are we headed next?”LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/027Real change for Involved Partners: The Renovate ProjectArticles: (1) Getting Over an Affair Too Quickly, (2) Can It Take Too Long to Get Over an Affair?Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

The question “Why did you do it?” is one of the hardest parts of affair recovery. In this episode, Tim Tedder explores why many unfaithful partners struggle to explain their behavior and why simple answers rarely satisfy the person who’s been betrayed. Through real-life comments and a new audio sketch, he illustrates how confusion, shame, and self-protection often block understanding in the early stages of healing.Tim then offers a practical framework for finding real clarity. He walks listeners through five areas of reflection—steps of compromise, historical risks, personal risks, relationship risks, and circumstantial risks—that help reveal how an affair unfolded and what must change to prevent it from happening again. The goal isn’t just explanation, but transformation: learning from the past to build a more honest, secure, and fulfilling relationship.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Web Page: https://affairhealing.com/podcasts/026Learn more about The RENOVATE ProjectOther related episodes: Crossing the Line and 6 Affair MotivesSign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.

What actually counts as cheating? A kiss? A message? A “like” on an ex’s beach photo? In this episode, Tim Tedder explores how couples define (and often misdefine) the lines that shape trust. Through candid street interviews, audio sketches, survey results, and insights from affair recovery specialists, he reveals why some boundaries feel universal while others depend entirely on a couple’s unique agreement.Listeners will hear from Dr. Erin Weaver, a psychologist who works with clients in non-monogamous relationships, offering a fascinating look at how trust can be negotiated differently while still maintaining the same need for honesty and consent. By the end, you’ll understand that boundaries aren’t about controlling behavior—they’re about defining what safety, respect, and loyalty mean for your relationship. Because when it comes to trust, the rules only work if you both helped write them.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Page: https://AffairHealing.com/podcasts/025Couple’s Exercise: Clarify Your Relationship BoundariesInformation about Dr. Erin WeaverMore information about Tim Tedder’s new resources for involved partners.Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

After infidelity, many couples try to repair their marriage by patching cracks, setting up boundaries, and promising fidelity. While those steps are essential, they rarely restore the deep stability that betrayed partners long for. Why? Because real healing requires more than repair. It requires renovation.In this episode, Tim Tedder uses the powerful metaphor of a house with a secret basement to show why repair alone often leaves couples stuck. Tim explains why authentic self-examination—especially for the unfaithful partner—is the missing piece in so many recovery efforts.Through storytelling, a creative audio sketch, and real-life examples of two men who took very different paths after betrayal, this episode highlights the difference between settling for negotiated stability and building a new foundation of genuine trust.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Web Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/024Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

What does grace look like for those who feel beyond it? Tim Tedder and Betsy Prentice reflect on Light of Grace—a song that opens the door to honest conversation about shame, judgment, and redemption. They speak candidly about the experience of infidelity, the isolating weight of shame, and the messages that either helped or hindered healing. This is a vulnerable, hope-filled conversation for anyone lost in failure and longing for light to break through. LINKS and EXTRAS Episode Link: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/023 Download Light of Grace Tim’s Full Story Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change. Light of Grace With one page, the story turns With one spark, the whole world burns You gripped the sky that turned to stone So far fallen, so alone From the ruins of the fight Shining through the walls of night In this shattered, broken place Look to the light of grace Look to the light of grace Whispers weaving through the room Testimonies of your doom Bowed before the scroll you wait For judgement's hand to seal your fate From the ruins of the fight Shining through the walls of night In this shattered, broken place Look to the light of grace Look to the light of grace This is where the mystery bends A failing start - a favored end Choices you cannot undo But now a hope for something new In this shattered, broken place Look to the light of grace Look to the light of grace Look to the light of grace

Forgiveness after betrayal can feel impossible. In our last episode, we explored three kinds of forgiveness that don’t work — premature, fake, and bartered. They may look like progress, but they keep couples stuck.In this episode of The Affair Recovery Room, Tim Tedder turns to the two forms of forgiveness that actually bring healing: Decisional Forgiveness and Full Forgiveness. Decisional Forgiveness is the choice to release revenge, even if the feelings of anger remain. Full Forgiveness goes further, bringing emotional release and restoring connection when genuine remorse and change have been shown.Tim unpacks why forgiveness matters in affair recovery, the heavy costs of refusing to forgive, and the unique benefits of each type of forgiveness. He clarifies common confusions (forgiveness isn’t condoning, excusing, or even the same as trust), and he shares practical guidance for both betrayed partners and offenders. From letting go of weapons to offering genuine apologies, this episode is filled with insights, stories, and encouragement to help you move toward freedom.If forgiveness has ever felt like a burden, a cliché, or a word you don’t know what to do with, this conversation will help you see it in a new light — not as weakness, but as one of the most powerful steps toward healing.LINKS and EXTRASEpisode Webpage: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/022Course: Pain Mending for Injured PartnersCourse: Pain Mending for Involved PartnersRecommended Book: Forgive for GoodSign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.

Forgiveness after betrayal is one of the hardest, most confusing challenges couples face. Everyone agrees it’s important, but what does forgiveness actually mean? And how do you know if what you’ve offered—or received—is real?In this episode of The Recovery Room, Tim Tedder explores three common but unhealthy forms of forgiveness: premature forgiveness, fake forgiveness, and bartered forgiveness. Each of these patterns shows up often in the wake of an affair. They may look like progress on the surface, but they fail to bring the deep healing and freedom true forgiveness can offer.Through real-life examples, original audio sketches, and insights drawn from years of counseling experience, Tim unpacks:Why forgiveness offered too quickly (“I forgive you” blurted out before grief has even begun) almost always unravels later.How “fake forgiveness” covers unresolved pain with a mask of peace, while bitterness seeps out in silence or passive-aggressive behavior.The way “bartered forgiveness” weaponizes the past, turning forgiveness into a bargaining chip that keeps one partner permanently indebted.If you’ve ever wondered why forgiveness felt hollow, fragile, or unfair, this conversation will help you name what’s really going on and prepare you for the next step: learning what true forgiveness looks like.Links & ExtrasEpisode Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/021Recommended Book: Forgiving What You Can’t Forget (Review)Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

In the second episode of a two-part series, Tim talks further with certified sleep coach Yana Vriesinga about post-infidelity insomnia and how to heal your nights.Tim continues his conversation with Yana Vriesinga, a certified sleep coach trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). In this episode: The List Man spoils Tim’s sleep, how the brain works at night, distractions from intrusive thoughts, the 3-P Model of insomnia (Prone, Push, Prolong), alcohol as a sleep-aid, and bad dreams.Links & ExtrasEpisode Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/020Yana’s Offer: Struggling with sleep after infidelity? Yana’s free 12-lesson email course gives you clear, science-based tools to ease nighttime stress and rest better. Sign up at www.resilientdays.com. Participants can also book a free 45-minute Sleep Support Call for tailored guidance.Yana tells her experience with betrayal.Podcasts for sleeping: (1) Drift Off - Bedtime Stories for Adults (2) Get Sleepy Sleep Meditation and Stories, (3) It’s Storytime with Wil WheatonSign up for Tim’s Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.

Infidelity often wrecks sleep. In the first of a two-part series, Tim talks with certified sleep coach Yana Vriesinga about post-infidelity insomnia and how to heal your nights.EPISODE NOTESWhen infidelity shatters trust, one of the first casualties is often sleep. Night after night, betrayed partners describe lying awake with racing hearts, restless minds, and a sense of dread that won’t quiet down. In this two-part conversation, Tim speaks with Yana Vriesinga, a certified sleep coach trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), the gold-standard treatment for sleep struggles. Yana knows firsthand the toll betrayal can take—not only from her professional expertise, but also from her personal story of post-infidelity insomnia.Together, they explore why disrupted sleep is such a common (yet overlooked) challenge after an affair, how insomnia impacts recovery, and why generic “sleep hygiene” tips often fail when trauma is involved. Yana shares both science-based strategies and practical tools that anyone can begin using tonight. Whether you’re a betrayed partner, unfaithful partner, affair partner, or loved one caught in the fallout, this conversation offers compassionate insight and hope for reclaiming one of the most essential foundations of healing: restful, restorative sleep.LINKS AND EXTRASEpisode Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/019Yana’s Offer: Struggling with sleep after infidelity? Yana’s free 12-lesson email course gives you clear, science-based tools to ease nighttime stress and rest better. Sign up at www.resilientdays.com. Participants can also book a free 45-minute Sleep Support Call for tailored guidance.Yana tells her experience with betrayal.Sign up for Tim’s Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.

Tim Tedder asks the hard question: What is the truth about affair recovery? Too often, people are given unrealistic promises on one end—“your marriage can definitely be saved”—or hopeless predictions on the other—“a satisfying relationship after infidelity is impossible.” Drawing from years of counseling experience, survey results, and conversations with fellow coaches, Tim explores why both extremes miss the mark. Listeners will hear examples of inflated success claims from recovery programs, as well as skeptical voices who dismiss reconciliation as a myth. Tim cuts through both with honest reflection: some marriages do grow stronger, others end, and many land somewhere in between.The episode highlights why honest expectations matter for individuals, couples, and even their support systems. Tim walks through four reasons we need more truth in the recovery space: so people don’t feel like failures when they struggle, so couples understand recovery isn’t a quick fix, so supporters can be patient, and so caregivers avoid offering false hope. Along the way, he shares client stories, survey results, and personal lessons from times he himself offered premature optimism. Faith also enters the conversation, acknowledging how it can motivate healing but also create harmful pressures when communities demand forgiveness or reconciliation before genuine recovery has occurred.Ultimately, this episode doesn’t offer guarantees but rather hope grounded in honesty. Recovery, Tim explains, looks less like a fairy tale and more like Amanda Gylord’s inspiring story of resilience after surviving a devastating accident—progress marked by both pain and perseverance. LINKS & EXTRASGuide: Finding an Affair Recovery SpecialistAffair Recovery Tools for CounselorsInterview with Gretchen Baskerville about her survey findings.Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

Few phrases hit harder than “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” In this episode, Tim Tedder explores what it really means, why it often shows up in the shadow of an affair, and how to respond with steadiness instead of panic. Discover when a relationship can be rebuilt—and when it may be time to let go.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction2:20 The Meaning of ILYBINILW05:40 In what conditions is this statement made?11:50 How should you respond?17:25 Can relationships survive this? Should they?LINKS & EXTRASThe BUILDING US Course for Couples: AffairHealing.com/building-usDiscernment Counselor Directory: DiscernmentCounselors.comOther resources to consider if you feel like you’re not “in love” anymore: The Neuroscience of Affair Fog, Is It Affair Fog or Real Love?Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

Can a marriage survive not just one affair, but dozens? In this episode, Ryan and Jen share their remarkable story of heartbreak, hard work, and the slow rebuilding of trust after years of betrayal.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction04:45 Conversation with Ryan and Jen19:00 Closing RemarksLINKS & EXTRASTruth Talk Courses: Truth Talk—Asking Questions and Truth Talk—Giving AnswersSign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

When infidelity happens more than once, recovery gets even harder. Therapists Tim Tedder and Jennifer Gingras unpack the challenges of multiple affairs—the unique characteristics and considerations for each partner. Honest, compassionate conversations for partners, strayers, and the professionals who support them.Whether you’re a partner trying to understand or the one who strayed, this podcast offers insight, guidance, and hope for navigating this difficult terrain of relational repair.EPISODE NOTES00:00 Introduction03:10 Multiple Affair Measures: Timeline, Frequency, Discoveries, Patterns09:45 Considering the Betrayed Partner14:40 Considering the Involved Partner19:40 The Risk of Ongoing Infidelity22:05 The Hard Work of Change28:30 Counselor PerspectivesLINKS & EXTRASCourse: Truth Talk: Asking Questions - a guide to asking for the truth about your partner’s affair.Course: Truth Talk: Giving Answers - a guide for answering your partner’s questions about your affair.Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.Tim Tedder: Coaching InformationJennifer Gingras: Coaching Information and Counseling Website