Claim OwnershipThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
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© 2024 The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
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Formerly the Parenting after Trauma podcast, internationally recognized children's mental health expert Robyn Gobbel decodes the most baffling behaviors for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. If you're parenting a child who has experienced trauma or toxic stress or a child with a neuroimmune disorder, sensory processing, or other nervous system vulnerability, this show will let you know you are not alone. You can stop playing behavior whack-a-mole because Robyn offers you tools that actually work.
You can become your child's expert, feel more confident as a parent, and bring more connection and clarity into your family.
Educators, therapists, coaches and consultants- you too can learn all about what behavior really is and become more effective at helping the families you support. You can love your work again!
254 Episodes
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Grief is hard to acknowledge and talk about. The truth is, there is grief involved with being the sibling of a child with a special need. In today’s episode, we’re exploring how to support the siblings of kids with a nervous system disability with behavior-based symptoms with all their feelings, especially grief. In this episode, you’ll learnHow to validate all your children’s feelings, even when they are really uncomfortableHow to acknowledge the truth that in most circumstances, your other ...
One way we can support the siblings of kids with big, baffling behaviors is to teach them about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some way to understand the brain and behaviors) as well as to teach them about nervous system vulnerabilities and ‘overactive’ watchdog and possum brains!In this episode, you’ll learnSteps to take when teaching siblings about owls, watchdogs, and possums so they won’t feel like you’re just excusing bad behaviorThe importance of validating your kids’ experience that ...
Do you have kids who feel like the way you parent their sibling (the one with the worst behavior!!!) is unfair?We’ll be tackling different topics on how to support siblings over the next month.In this episode, you’ll learnThe five things to consider when thinking about how to help siblings understand ‘unfair’ parentingAre you parenting all your kids thru the lens of regulation, connection, and felt safety?Do all your children know about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some other way to under...
Something new and unexpected here on The Baffling Behavior Show!This episode is actually from the Therapist Uncensored Podcast with Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley. Sue and Ann interviewed one of y'alls FAVORITES- Juliane Taylor Shore.Juliane was on The Baffling Behavior Show a long time ago, talking about psychological boundaries and verbal aggression. This is one of my most played episodes EVER.Juliane just published a new book on boundaries so when Sue and Ann asked if I wanted to do a podcast...
Parents of kids with baffling behaviors are CONSTANTLY being judged by others.How do we get to a point where we don’t care as much about what other people think?In this episode, we’ll explore:Some of the most common judgments that parents of kids with baffling behaviors receiveHow it’s actually not possible to not care at all, but we can care LESSThree things we can do so that the judgment from others doesn’t impact us as much as it does nowFor a script on how to set boundaries with folks exp...
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~Carl RogersYou know, one of my favorite things about studying relational neuroscience is discovering the science that proves things we’ve known all along. Not everyone needs the science, and I know some think the science detracts from the powerful truths that people have been brave enough to say and believe without having science to back it up. I think both approaches are fine. I just happen ...
Do the Watchdog and Possum pathway only activate in protection mode? Are they always protective?NO! It is possible to have safe and connected Watchdog energy and safe and connected Possum energy!Why does this distinction matter?In this episode, you’ll learnWhat safe and connected watchdog energy feels likeWhat safe and connected possum energy feels likeWhy it’s important to remember we aren’t trying to get rid of the watchdog or the possum- we are trying to help them rest and only work hard w...
What does my child need for their success to be inevitable?If I wanted to paint the top of a 20 foot wall, I’d rent some scaffolding. Scaffolding makes the floor higher and would get me as close to the top of the wall as I needed. The scaffolding would help make my success inevitable. It’s not the only thing I need to be successful (paint would come in handy!), but it’s a really important piece. In parenting, scaffolding is the support that we put in place that allows ...
Janet Nordine is a registered play therapist, adoptee, and mental health activist working tirelessly to improve children’s mental health services, specifically in the state of Nevada. Janet has an important message for adoptees that I think is relevant to all kids and families who are supporting kids with vulnerable nervous systems:There is nothing wrong with you. You’ve done nothing wrong. You can be OK.In this episode, exploreHow to help create ‘good parent messages’ for children who f...
Self-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences. At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned, regulated, present caregiver. If children are struggling to use their self-regulation skills, it’s quite possible that they aren’t re...
What’s the connected response to {insert difficult behavior here}??How do I respond to {insert difficult behavior here} in a connected way???I get some version of this question almost every day. So, let’s answer it here on the podcast!In this episode, you’ll learnWhat most parents are really asking when they ask ‘what’s the connected response’?What a connected response really isHow to trust your own intuition to answer that questionResources mentioned in this podcast:Felt Safety (Inside) - Pa...
It’s normal and common for stress and dysregulation to cause kids to act younger than they really are. This happens to grown-ups too! Simply because it’s normal and common doesn’t mean it’s not very frustrating!In this episode, you’ll learn A neurosequential explanation for regressionHow to use regression as a cue or a clue about the state of your child’s nervous systemWays to respond to regressed behavior that may increase regulation, connection, and felt safetyResources mentioned in th...
I’m sure you often feel like ‘getting your kid regulated’ is a very important goal!But- is it? Is regulated the goal? And is it possible to even consider these kinds of questions when we are parenting very dysregulated kids with very dangerous behaviors?In this episode, you’ll learnThe difference between a moment of being regulated and having a regulated (balanced) nervous systemHow regulation and dysregulation must coexistWhy thinking about any of this high-level stuff when you have REAL PRO...
Believe it or not, we don’t want to get rid of our kids’ watchdog and possum brains!We want to help their watchdog and possum brain rest so they aren’t working so hard.Their watchdog and possum brains are overworked and overactive.In this episode, you’ll learnWhy we must remember that everyone has a watchdog and possum brainHow gratitude and acceptance of the watchdog and possum brain strengthens the owl brainWe don’t want to get rid of our children’s watchdog and possums brains- we want to h...
When I work with parents whose child spends a lot of time on the possum pathway, I warn them that sometimes possum kids become watchdog kids before the finally have a nice, strong owl brain.Because watchdog behaviors are often more intense and scarier than possum behaviors, this can feel like your child is ‘getting worse.’It’s actually a sign of healing, and here’s why!In this episode, you’ll learnWhy kids who have a lot of possum behavior can sometimes become kids who have a lot of watchdog ...
This episode originally aired on December 22, 2020, episode 8:::I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons. #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science. #2- Self-compassion has tenacity. There's no way out. Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion. I love that about self-compassion ...
Is it possible to feel better even if your child’s behavior doesn’t change?Even if the stress doesn’t change?Theoretically, yes.Your chronic watchdog or possum state means you are in chronic protection mode. Is it possible to shift out of protection mode before the chaos in your life changes?That’s exactly what we address in today’s episode!In this episode, you’ll learnThe two different paths you can take to feel better (come out of protection mode) even if the chaos in your life never change...
This episode originally aired on September 20th, 2022Another important piece of understanding what is underneath your child's big, baffling behaviors is the Stress Response System. Our Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors.In this episode, you’ll learn:What stress is and how to differentiate good stress from bad stressThe impact of trauma and toxic stress to the Stress Response SystemHow to build resilience in a sensitize...
Settle in for a fun and inspiring chat with hosts from Therapist Uncensored and authors of the new release Secure Relating, Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley.In this episode, you’ll learnHow responding to our children’s (and partner’s) needs in the present moment, instead of from a place of anxious or avoidant states, can improve our relationshipsAbout the intersection of attachment and trauma in our systems of care- like the child welfare and mental health systemsHow much hope there is when we s...
This episode originally aired on August 1st, 2023Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. But what if we told you that understanding the balance between enabling and co-regulation could be your guiding light? This week, we break down this crucial contrast, demystifying the term 'enabling', often misconstrued in the mental health field, and venture into the science behind lowering demands - a strategy that can bolster your child’s stress r...
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