Claim OwnershipThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
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© 2025 The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}
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Formerly the Parenting after Trauma podcast, internationally recognized children's mental health expert Robyn Gobbel decodes the most baffling behaviors for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. If you're parenting a child who has experienced trauma or toxic stress or a child with a neuroimmune disorder, sensory processing, or other nervous system vulnerability, this show will let you know you are not alone. You can stop playing behavior whack-a-mole because Robyn offers you tools that actually work.
You can become your child's expert, feel more confident as a parent, and bring more connection and clarity into your family.
Educators, therapists, coaches and consultants- you too can learn all about what behavior really is and become more effective at helping the families you support. You can love your work again!
310 Episodes
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{Replay of Episode 169 from March 2024} Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold. In this episode, you’ll learn The definition of privilege (it is NOT a criticism)The privilege of safety for folks with histories of traumaThe privilege of safety...
What do you do when your child lives part-time in a home where regulation, connection, and felt safety aren't present? In this episode, I talk with Sybil Cummin, a therapist specializing in working with families navigating coercive control. Sybil shares practical guidance for showing up as a steady, safe presence for your child, even when the other parent’s home feels unpredictable or unsafe. In this episode, you’ll learn: What coercive control is and how it impacts both children and the pare...
Part of why you keep listening to this podcast is for parenting tools and strategies, right?? So, what do we do when it feels like nothing is working?! What’s really going on when parenting tools feel useless and you want to shout “THIS ISN’T WORKING?! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why parenting tools “work” when they come from connection, not protectionWhat to ask yourself when it seems like nothing helps anymoreHow to know if your child’s needs have outpaced the support you can give on you...
I know- sometimes it feels impossible to feel delight toward your child. I get it! BUT! If you can find even micro-moments of delight, it can be very powerful for both you and your child. In this episode, you'll learn: How is delight related to secure attachmentThe science behind why it’s sometimes very hard to find delight in kids with vulnerable nervous systems How to intentionally look for and pause in moments of delightWhy delight doesn’t just help your child, but your ne...
When your child’s behavior leaves you feeling confused, frustrated, or even hopeless, staying curious might be the last thing on your mind. But curiosity is actually SO COOL! It’s both a parenting strategy AND a nervous system state. In this episode, we’ll explore how to access curiosity, even when behavior makes no sense, and how that curiosity helps us find the path forward. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why curiosity is a sign your owl brain is online, and how to use curiosity...
When you're dealing with whining, hitting, defiance, back talk…well, of course you want it to stop. But what if behavior change isn’t actually the place to start? Not for long-term behavior change, at least. In this episode, I explore why behavior change does matter, but why it’s not the first goal, especially for kids with vulnerable nervous systems. HEADS UP! I’m not necessarily asking YOU- the one facing these out of control behaviors- to change your goal of behavior change. But…what...
1Have you ever freaked out at your child and then later thought, “Where did that come from?” Yup, that’s being triggered! In this episode, we’ll unpack the neuroscience behind why we get triggered, what memory processing has to do with it, and how to find your way back to presence and connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: The anatomy of a triggerWhat’s actually happening in your brain when the past takes over the presentWhat to do next- how to help your owl brain come back and parent in t...
Why do kids sometimes - or a lot of the time! - suddenly act much younger…or sneakier?! In this episode, we use Dr. Bruce Perry’s concept of state-dependent functioning to reframe some of the baffling behaviors as signs of stress, not signs of defiance. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, join us over in The Club. In June 2025, we’re having a masterclass all about behaviors and state dependent functioning- complete with a brand-new illustrated resource. If you’re hearing this episode...
Could you use a short refresher about what I mean when I say your child’s "owl brain flew away"? Or do yoRu know someone who is willing to listen to a short explanation of how you’re approaching your child’s baffling behaviors? In this episode, I revisit - briefly- what behavior really is and the owl, watchdog, and possum brain metaphor. I explain why it's such a helpful way to understand your child's baffling behaviors. I also talk about what actually helps those protective brains calm down ...
If you’ve clicked on this episode because you’re feeling like you're failing—at parenting, at keeping it together, at helping your child—I'm really glad you’re here. Because first, I want you to know this: you’re not failing. You’re doing something incredibly hard. Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, whether your child has been impacted by trauma, or has sensory differences, or just has a brain wired a little differently, is extremely intensive parenting. I created this ...
If your kid refuses therapy, what other options are there? Or maybe they don’t refuse therapy, but you’d still like to increase the therapeutic support for your child and family. Here are 20 different non-therapy therapeutic supports based on Dr. Perry’s work of ‘moments of healing’ and experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory Over on my website, you can download a handout that lists them all out (and was generated with the help of AI) so you don’t have to take...
Have you ever wondered what types of questions you should ask a new therapist to assess how well they understand behaviors through the lens of the nervous system? No need to take notes during this episode, I created downloadable handouts you can access with just one click. Listen to the episode then head over to my website! PLEASE NOTE. These are suggestions. Please vet your professionals thoroughly. I’m certain there are many important questions left off of this list. I’m also certain there ...
Kids with vulnerable nervous systems need more co-regulation than other kids their age and yes it’s exhausting. Did you know it’s possible to be GOOD exhausted and not just BAD exhausted?!?! It’s you’re chronically exhausted, you’re probably not doing as much co-regulation as you are masking how dysregulated you are. And hey- no judgment here! This is very explicitly a no-judgment episode. I don’t want you to feel bad or even try to do anything different. In this episode, you’ll learn...
Have you ever wondered how those behaviors that feel 'on purpose' fit into this nervous system approach? They feel so intentional! Like there is so much Owl-brain thought involved. But they certainly aren't behaviors of connection!!! This episode will: Demystify 'on purpose' behaviorsRemind you to always consider regulation, connection, and felt safety...then strategize how to respond to those 'on purpose' behaviors accordinglyCheck Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of...
Monitoring and modifying are the two essential elements of regulation. ~ Dr. Dan Siegel When we really understand what makes up the skill of self-regulation, we can be more intentional about helping our kids develop those skills. We can also be more understanding and compassionate when they aren't able to use those skills! This episode explores the skills of monitoring (noticing) and modifying (changing) our level of arousal and activation as the main ingredients of self-regulation. Remember ...
Medical trauma can feel confusing because in many circumstances, we are seeking out the very medical interventions that our kids experience as traumatic. Trauma is in the eye of the beholder. Some kids experience trauma due to their time in the NICU. Some kids experience trauma at the dentist. Some kids experience trauma due to an emergency or accident. Much of the time, parents feel helpless or even guilty for ‘causing’ the trauma. In this episode, you’ll learn How medical ...
Resentment. We’ve all felt it. Very little about this parenting journey has gone according to plan. We’ve done the hard work- the never-ending work actually - of rewiring everything we thought we knew about behavior, what it means to be human, how to parent, and how to have a family. Some days we do it without a second thought. Some days are full of resentment and anger. You aren’t a bad person. But resentment feels bad! In this episode, you’ll learn The very important job that resentme...
One of the harder things to navigate when shifting to a nervous system lens on behavior is the feeling that a lot of the strategies seem like they are rewarding bad behavior. Strategies that invite regulation, connection, and felt safety are usually strategies that feel good. If our kids feel good after bad behavior, will they have MORE bad behavior?? In this episode, you’ll learn What it might be signaling if you’re wondering if you’re rewarding bad behaviorHow to avoid unintentionally inc...
We talk a lot about hard very too hard for your kids (thanks Amanda Diekman for that hard vs. too hard language!). But have you considered applying that concept to yourself? This is intensive parenting! Far beyond when parenting is supposed to get less intensive, you’re still giving super-hero level scaffolding, supervision and co-regulation - and it’s a LOT! In this episode, you’ll learn How to assess for when it’s just TOO hard- for YOU!The importance of making an owl-brain decision...
This BONUS episode is the audio from my FREE webinar, Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior. This webinar aired lived on 02/04/2025. You can watch the video webinar for free over at https://RobynGobbel.com/webinar You can also download the free, accompanying resources, including: eBook, fridge sheets about the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum, all the slides as handouts, and some additional accompanying infographics. ::: Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all ...
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"Mass window of tolerance"...love this idea!