The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Good morning, and welcome to the annual meeting of the National Association for Supporting The Yuck, (N.A.S.T.Y.), where certified uggos from all over Southern California come to the Burbank Holiday Inn Express to embrace our beady eyes, crooked teeth, bulbous noses, and horrible skin. If you got up this morning and thought to yourself, "I don't think I'm a very attractive person," you're 100% correct. But please, as a favor to me, do not dwell on the fact that you're aesthetically deficient. Instead, focus on the indisputable certainty that your beauty is simply inverted; like a perfectly-fried crispy egg roll, your good stuff is all on the inside. In a world where happiness and success can be achieved despite severe genetic impairments, our group's motto has never been more relevant: "Not everyone is hot, and that's okay." If you strive to develop an intellect that can elicit a smile, a laugh, or even a smirk, trust me when I say that there is absolutely nothing as hot as being genuinely funny, smart, and most importantly: f*cking kind. And on that note, I want to thank you for attending. Complimentary coffee and snacks will be served in the lobby, and please remember to pay your dues by the 30th. To try America's #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well, go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months! This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind! If you’re 21+, check out https://bit.ly/viiathebbpod and use code BALD to receive 15% off! After you purchase they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. This holiday season, enhance your everyday with VIIA! You owe yourself a trip and trips are always better with Airbnb. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out https://Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app! Take care of your leather handbags and products! Head to https://MyCuire.com to get your leather care kit today. The best way to make your handbag last forever! Men's health? RocketRX has you covered! To check out RocketRX and start your free consultation, head to: https://rebrand.ly/170bbc Follow Megan: @MegStalter Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever stared up at the stars, considered the shocking vastness of space, and asked yourself, "Are we alone in the universe?" A recent analysis from the Bald Center for Ludicrosity Studies may have your answer. As the government releases more information about Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena, or UAPs, there seems to be a growing consensus amongst podcast co-hosts that there is an earthly explanation for the UAP/UFO sightings. Dr. Kenneth Zomoldhikova, of the vaunted West Hollywood Institute, has put forward his cryptoterrestrial hypothesis for the UAPs, theorizing that the intelligent beings responsible for these aircraft may be concealed in stealth right here on Earth. That could mean they are walking amongst us and passing as Academy Award-nominated human actors with shockingly gorgeous cheek-bones who look like the product of human-on-pigeon inter-species relations. Need a website? Head to https://www.Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! As a special offer for our listeners, new customers GET 15% ALL Lume products with our exclusive code BALD - and if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their Starter Pack! Use code BALD for 15% off your first purchase at https://LumeDeodorant.com Take care of your leather handbags and products! Head to https://MyCuire.com to get your leather care kit today. The best way to make your handbag last forever! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Shop Etsy this holiday season! For original gifts that say “I get you”... Etsy has it! Head to: https://www.Etsy.com Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Make your fall finances a little greener by working towards your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in 2 minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We come to this podcast…for magic. We come to Bald to chortle, to weep, to soil ourselves, to hear about Demi Moore's commanding yet disgusting performance in The Substance. Because we need that, all of us, that indescribable feeling we get when the theme music begins to fade, Trixie and Katya's angelic voices materialize, and we are transported to an enchanting place we've never been before; like an inane story about exercising with butt plugs or a trip to Costco to buy forty-eight razors and 7lbs of strawberries. Not just entertained, but somehow reborn, together, spewed from the collective birth canal, covered in amniotic fluid and writhing on the floor like a hairless, newborn gargoyle. We come for the sparkling sounds, words of both surprising wisdom and transcendent stupidity, delivered straight to our auricular orifices like Satan's DoorDash. Sounds that you can feel deep within your vulva. Somehow, heartbreak feels good in a place likе this. These forty-five minutes feel like thе best part of our week, and the stories about hot dog launchers and necrophilia feel perfect and powerful. Because here, they are. The Bald and the Beautiful. We sit in chairs and talk. We call it a podcast. The dolls are the dolls. Get your gut going and support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Happy squatting! Make your fall finances a little greener by working towards your financial goals with Chime! Open your account in 2 minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind! If you’re 21+, check out https://bit.ly/viiathebbpod and use code BALD to receive 15% off! After you purchase they ask you where you heard about them. PLEASE support our show and tell them we sent you. This holiday season, enhance your everyday with VIIA! To get Mint Mobile's new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to https://MintMobile.com/BALD Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After nine guests and eleven episodes' worth of meandering stories about historical colon blockages, mermaid genitalia, and cosmic boreworms, prepare your grey matter for even more meandering stories about dental care imposters, chastity device technology, and acceptable dildo quantities, but this time delivered by the one, the only: Trixie mother-effing Mattel. From all of us here at Bald, LLC, especially Cheryl from Accounts Receivable, we want to say welcome the f*ck back, Trixie. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Start all of your holiday shopping at https://Rakuten.com or download the Rakuten app to start saving today! Your Cash Back really adds up! Do you want your leather handbag to last forever? Head to https://MyCuire.com to get your leather care kit today! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's the 4th day of your all-gay Atlantis Cruise. You just left the Bahamas and the bed of a sexy Nassau scuba instructor. You're tired. You're hungover. Your stomach is full of rum, waffles, and passionfruit-flavored lube. The hot Caribbean sun is baking your pale-ass to a crisp. Do you know what you need? You need to go directly to your cabin, drink a bottle of Pedialyte, and take a 4-hour nap. But do you listen to me? Of course not. What do you do instead? You attend Joel Kim Booster's twenty-minute stand-up set about being a hot gay man having sex with other hot gay men, and heckle the hell out of him whilst spilling a bottomless mimosa all over your brand-new pink floral swim trunks. To get Mint Mobile's new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to https://MintMobile.com/BALD today! You owe yourself a trip and trips are always better with Airbnb. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out https://Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app! Do you want your leather handbag to last forever? Head to https://MyCuire.com to get your leather care kit today! Follow Joel Kim Booster: @IHateJoelKim Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Since the debut of The Bald and the Beautiful in October of 2020, Katya Zamolodchikova has tickled your ears with full-throated recommendations of tens of hundreds of films; many of which are great, most of which are not. As we approach the zenith of the Halloween season, be prepared for Joel Kim Booster to be utterly at odds with Katya's positively shining endorsement of Terrifier 3, with Miss Zamolodchikova describing it as what would happen if Ingmar Bergman decapitated Stanley Kubrick while simultaneously stabbing Wong Kar-wai with Jean-Luc Godard's sharpened femur. Want to try the #1 meal kit for eating well? Go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! If you’re 21+, check out VIIA. Head to https://bit.ly/viiathebbpod and use the code BALD to receive 15% off. This fall, enhance your everyday with VIIA! Need a website? Check Out https://SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Take more control of your finances and stop waiting for payday! Open your account in minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. Follow Joel Kim Booster: @IHateJoelKim Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it mean if several drug-addled hopheads break down the door of your beautiful three-story New York City townhouse, lick your face whilst whispering sweet nothings in your ear, steal your valuables, and they do it all in the service of their kingpin crime boss: singer, songwriter, actress, & legendary pop icon Madonna? All this and more will be discussed at length in this very special episode of Bald featuring Canada's greatest cultural export since poutine: Jimbo. This Fall, get your gut going! Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Take more control of your finances and stop waiting for payday! Open your Chime account in minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Jimbo: @JimboTheDragClown Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Step 1: Locate an impossibly gorgeous man in South Boston who's family owns an Italian restaurant. Follow him home and heat extra virgin olive oil in a heavy frying pan over medium heat. Add pancetta and garlic and saute until the pancetta is brown and crisp, and you're hard as a rock, about 8 minutes. Step 2: In a large bowl, whisk together the cream, cheese, yolks, basil, and penis to blend. When ready, proceed to insertion into said gorgeous man. Step 3: Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the spaghetti and cook until you finish, about 10 minutes if you think of something awful like your 5th grade teacher Mrs. Shield's thick, lustrous goatee. Once finished, ensure that both you and the spaghetti are fully drained. Step 4: Add the chicken to the pan with the pancetta and stir to combine, as you prepare yourself to receive the gorgeous man inside you. Next, add the spaghetti and the cream mixture and toss over medium-low heat until he creams, (do NOT boil or you might end up scrambling his eggs). Season the pasta to taste, sprinkle his nuts with lemon zest, and serve with a generous topping of parmesan. Feeds two. (Part 2 of a special 2-part interview!) Need a website? Check Out https://SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Sapphira: @SapphiraCristal Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MEN SEEKING MERMAID/MERMAN (Pacific Ocean Adjacent): Here for a naughty-cal time with sexy sirens of the sea. We are two fit & fabulous drag queens, one folically-challenged (Katya) and one with a glorious mane (Sapphira), seeking wet and wild night with sensual seafarers turned on by promiscuous pirates. Must have functioning fish genitalia and be DTF with land-dwelling homo sapiens. Tolerance for fish badussy strongly recommended. (ability to speak on land a plus) Please send juicy pics of your driftwood and/or mariana trench to: "buckets_of_seamen@if_the_boat_is_rocking.org" (Part 1 of a 2-part interview!) Achieve the zen of being regular and feel the difference daily with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Happy squatting! Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get 15% off with promo code BALD at https://LumeDeodorant.com! #lumepod This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Try VIIA today! Head to: https://bit.ly/viiathebbpod and use code BALD to receive 15% off! Take more control of your finances and stop waiting for payday. Open your Chime account in minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. Follow Sapphira: @SapphiraCristal Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week, the Loch Ness Monster of drag herself, Raja, visits the studio to discuss love, yoga, and wistful nostalgia for physical media porn. Many questions are posed and even fewer are answered. Does Raja exist? Do you exist? Is free will available to humanity in our desperate search for some semblance of personal and/or societal development? Or is it all an illusion, a minute portion of the complex ruse through which we spend every waking moment of our lives? I ask you this one question: does anyone really, truly exist? Probably not. But put that crisis aside for a moment and listen to this episode, because it's charming and entertaining and it will make you forget about the ceaseless march towards your inevitable demise for about an hour, and that's something. Go to https://GreenChef.com/BALDCLASS for 50% off your first box + 50 FREE Credits with ClassPass! Green Chef. The #1 meal kit for eating well! Need a website? Check out https://Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Raja: @sutanamrull Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's 1am as you stare at the crack in the ceiling. The wind rustles through the oak tree outside as you hear Jim next door drag his garbage can down the driveway. Pam's staying at her sister's because of her divorce, the kids get up at 6, and Katherine demanded chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream and sprinkles. You have to catch the train at 7, and on top of that the big meeting is at 9am sharp and the Jenkins file isn't even done yet! How are you supposed to fall asleep when making your way in the world today takes everything you've got? The answer? Jinkx Monsoon's patented 4-step program: "Takin' a Break From All Your Worries Sure Would Help A Lot." In just four easy steps, your mind will be whisper quiet and you'll be counting sheep in no time. Step 1: turn on your television set. Step 2: Find your local programming guide to locate syndicated airings of Cheers. Step 3: Watch Sam, Diane, Coach, Norm, Cliff, Carla, Woody, Frasier, Lillith, & Rebecca navigate life's roller-coaster of joy and pain in the titular bar and escape from the doldrums of the rat race with a live studio audience and light alcoholism. Step 4: Fall Asleep and get enough shuteye to slay the ever-loving shit out of that Jenkins file. Climb back on that porcelain throne, and make us proud! Feel the difference, daily with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Happy Squatting! Take more control of your finances and stop waiting for payday! Open your account in minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. FX’s English Teacher is Now Streaming on Hulu! All-New Mondays on FX! And keep an eye out for a special appearance by none other than Trixie Mattel!!! https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/english-teacher Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Jinkx: @TheJinkx Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Fall, buck the hackneyed trends that ooze like a puss-filled pimple from the runways of Milan and Paris. Instead, embrace the effortless style that comes from the classic down-under fashion of the extraordinarily ebullient and embarrassingly eloquent Courtney Act. Whether you're channeling your inner Crocodile Dundee or the cowboy sleaze of John Wayne's 40 lbs of impacted colon feces, look no further for your comprehensive Fall Fashion Guide! From Miss Act's sparkly rhinestone Dr. Martens to her signature "Coochie-Cut" bugle crystal jorts, your neighbors will be peaking through their blinds to goon at the unadulterated gorgeousness on display. To accent your genetically-perfect complexion and perfectly-coiffed hair, finish the outfit with a genre-defying sequined denim Jacket and blindingly-neon-yellow tube-top that subtly hints at the existence of the perky little nipples that lie beneath. If you can walk down the street wearing this outfit without being instantly booked to be a model on Ed McMahon's Star Search, then you can slap my ass and call me Shirley. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Courtney: @CourtneyAct Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's almost Labor Day Weekend and I know what you're thinking to yourself: I need a sun-soaked, sand-covered gay resort town and I need it RIGHT NOW. Well, you're in luck. Scarlet Envy would like you to know that if you've never been to Fire Island, getting there is half the fun. What you're gonna want to do is take the Long Island Rail Road to Sayville, then a shuttle bus to a 30-minute ferry ride, and then you're going to have to walk that perky little ass because there are no cars on the island; just wooden boardwalks and shirtless hunks pulling little red wagons full of groceries, poppers, and lube. And while you're visiting, don't miss the small strip of forest lovingly known as the "Meat Rack". While there is no barbeque served at the Meat Rack, sausage is most assuredly on the menu. Happy Summering! You gotta check out the new softside luggage from Away! Head on over to https://awaytravel.com/bald to see the amazing new softside luggage that will change your life forever! To get Mint Mobile's new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to https://MintMobile.com/BALD FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX! Stream on Hulu! And keep an eye out for a special appearance by none other than Trixie Mattel!!! https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/english-teacher This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Follow Scarlet: @ScarletEnvy Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you happen to find yourself in the unenviable position where your planet is being attacked by hot hail from a mustache-twirling space despot named Ming the Merciless, Ts Madison thinks it's best to grab a sexy travel agent with amazing bangs, a football star from the New York Jets, and ride a rocket cycle to the planet Mongo where you enlist the help of a friendly race of Hawkmen to destroy Ming, bed his hot daughter, and have an interstellar orgy with a slew of bore worms. As one does. Go to https://GreenChef.com/BALDCLASS for 50% off your first box + 50 FREE Credits with ClassPass! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! As a special offer for our listeners, new customers GET 15% ALL Lume products with our exclusive code BALD at https://LumeDeodorant.com And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their Starter Pack! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Please join us in our deserted power station under the 110 overpass as we welcome legendary actress, comedian, author, and animation megastar: the inimitable Kristen Schaal! Ignore the lack of bathrooms and that low hum as we steal electricity from the rusty lamppost on the corner, and simply enjoy the effervescent conversation about creative head holes, public poo etiquette, historical colon blockages, and harlot makeup trends. As a favor to us, please don't walk to your car alone after the interview. Most of this block is haunted by the spiteful ghost of William Mulholland. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Get the Rakuten app NOW and join the 17 million members who are already saving while shopping! Cash Back rates change daily, see https://Rakuten.com for details. Your Cash Back really adds up! Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Gametime! Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BALD for $20 off your first purchase! Head to https://Gametime.co for more info! Last minute tickets. Lowest Price. Guaranteed. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's August! As the oppressive humidity sets in and the mosquito bites multiply exponentially, why not shove little Billy and Jessica in the backseat of the 'ol family station wagon and head to Orange County to experience the magical enchantment of the happiest place on Earth! Pay gobs of your hard-earned cash for for the privilege of dodging strollers and participating in the crass commercialism of late-stage capitalism, all to the calming soundtrack of babies crying and children screaming! And if you need a moment of escape from this cacophony of soul-crushing materialism? Be prepared to fork over $27 for a watered-down sangria sucked through a paper straw that is mere seconds away from losing all structural integrity. Our advice from the vacation experts here at BALD Vacations, LLC is to dispense with the straw and the cup, find a quiet dark corner behind a churro stand, and boof sangria after sangria until the only thing you can feel is the sweet freedom of complete and utter emotional numbness. Climb back on that porcelain throne, and make us proud. Feel the difference, daily with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Happy squatting! Need a website? Head to https://Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! With Chime’s secure credit card, you can improve your credit score all summer long! Get started today at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like Progress. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you goon on BookTok? Are you rizzing after peeping a gyatt at Taco Junk while reading Colleen Hoover? Do you spend your Saturdays being chalant while flicker gooning and running duos with the GOAT? If you didn't reply to those questions with, "I'm doing W, honestly. On skib," then you are in desperate need of "Trixie and Katya's Guide to Hawk-Tuah'ing One's Drake." For just $99 plus shipping and handling, you will never feel L again, and finally be the glizzy-glazing Sigma you always knew yourself to be. Call 1-900-Skibidi-Rizz now to order your copy. You have to check out the new softside Luggage from Away! Head on over to https://AwayTravel.com/BALD to see the new softside lineup, in 4 beautiful colors!  Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Gametime! Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BALD for $20 off your first purchase! Head to https://Gametime.co for more info! Last minute tickets. Lowest Price. Guaranteed. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As we approach the peak summertime Bob-B-Que months (zing), we'd like to share Bob the Drag Queen's 8 tips for a successful chicken wing soiree, which will ensure that your fowl party is anything but foul: 1) Send your dinner party invitations by Pony Express or personal messenger at least 10 days in advance. Include a cooked goose or snuff box for extra enticement. 2) Select an appropriate color scheme and harmonize everything on the table within that palette. If an invited guest passes from consumption before the engagement, consider black, brown, or dark grey as a sign of respect for the deceased. 3) Never, and we do mean NEVER, starch your napkins. You will be swiftly rejected from polite society and burn in hell for eternity if you do. 4) Ideal floral centerpieces include roses, lilies, carnations, ferns and smilax. If you are planning a post-dinner orgy, consider using roses in your bouquet and scatter a few extra petals artistically around the table and on the floor, instructing guests where they can begin their erotic adventures after the dessert and cognac course. 5) Hang satin ribbons, bows, and smilax from your chandelier for a striking visual effect of fresh, dainty beauty. During the holidays, you can also hang mistletoe to encourage pre-orgy kissing and heavy-petting. 6) Use colorful gas or whale-oil lamps, as well as transparent globes to produce a dreamscape of hues in the dining room and beyond. If several of your guests border on the rubenesque, remember that whale-oil lamps are a particularly forgiving source of light for those guests who have eaten one-too-many cherry jubilees over the years. 7) It is recommended to have at least one servant available to attend to the needs of every six guests. During the orgy, this ratio should increase to one servant for every three guests. 8) Last, but not least, it is extremely important that all guests are examined by a licensed physician for syphilis, gonorrhea, or symptoms of the plague prior to the orgy. If you follow these 8 simple rules, we can assure you that come morning, you'll be the undisputed toast of high society! To get an amazing Mint Mobile new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to https://MintMobile.com/BALD Now is the time to make the switch to the best cat food on planet Earth: Smalls! Head to https://Smalls.com/BALD and use promo code BALD at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS free shipping! Need a website? Head to https://Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Follow Bob: @BobTheDragQueen Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feeling down? Need an escape from the grind? Just committed a crime and need to lay low? Captain Sasha Colby and the crew on The Bald & the Beautiful's new cruise ship, "Gettin' Nauti", will whisk you away to melt into the pastel-hued villages that dot the rocky shoreline of Italy's picturesque Amalfi Coast! Like a painter’s palette providing a resplendent contrast to the undulating sea of cobalt blue and the verdant mountains that rise up amongst the mist, join us for a clothing-optional frolic amongst the fragrant lemon groves decorating the dramatic cliffs! As the sun sets and you slowly remove your clothing for an alfresco dinner in the nude, inhale the refreshing scent of the Mediterranean Sea, devour a tender Steak Diane, and finish it all off with an invigorating nightcap next to the glistening waves as you slowly sip a glass of the region’s famous limoncello and a black coffee. Al Di La! Mama Mia!! Molto Bene!!! To try America's #1 Meal Kit for eating well, go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 to get 50% off, plus 20% off your next two months! Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Gametime! Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BALD for $20 off your first purchase! Head to https://Gametime.co for more info! Last minute tickets. Lowest Price. Guaranteed. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Whether you’re looking for friends, fun or finding the one, download the best dating app for gay men, Archer, today! For more info, head to: https://www.ArcherApp.com Follow Sasha: @SashaColby Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In the grand pantheon of lusciously loud cackles, there exists two gorgeous human specimens for whom the rules of physics do not even remotely apply. These two auditory angels, known colloquially as Drew Afualo and Trixie Mattel, fly right up to the sonic barrier, spit in its face, and emit laughs at such an octave that only the gods atop Mount Olympus can hear without permanent hearing loss. So close your windows, crank your speakers up to 11, and prepare yourselves for a blisteringly beautiful barrage of chuckles, chortles, and guffaws the likes of which mere mortals have never experienced. To order Drew's new book, Loud, head to: https://drew-afualo.com With Chime’s secure credit card, you can improve your credit scores all summer long! Get started today at https://Chime.com/BALD Climb back on that porcelain throne, and make us proud! Feel the difference, daily, with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Need a website? Head to SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Whether you’re looking for friends, fun or finding the one, download the best dating app for gay men, Archer, today! For more info, head to: https://www.ArcherApp.com Follow Drew on TikTok & Insta: @DrewAfualo Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices