Claim OwnershipThe Beaverton Weekly Report
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Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles an all-star Panel of comedians to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts their knowledge of the news to the test in a very important quiz where the stakes couldn't be lower. The Beaverton Weekly Report is a hilarious look at what's going on in the world around us. It's just like watching CNN, only funnier and with fewer erectile dysfunction ads.
57 Episodes
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Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) detail what Trump's EU deal means for Canada, break down the bombshell news that Canada is still sending arms to Israel and discuss why it doesn't feel like housing is getting any cheaper even as prices fall. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the worst place you can inject yourself with Botox. If you'd like an extended cut version that dives into the Sean Feucht "scandal" check us out on Patreon.
"Break out the Caesars Carney!" Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Craig Fay) talk the government's attempt to consult with Indigenous Peoples about Bill C-5 after the fact, wonder what a trade deal with Trump would even look like at this point, and break down just how pathetically weak Canada's latest statement on Gaza is. Then The Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz reveals the most direct way to stop your son from eloping with his girlfriend. If you'd like an extended cut version that also talks about the Poilievre by-election and the Longest Ballot Initiative, check us out on Patreon.
1"In Alberta, your future lies." Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) speculate about what strategies Poilievre can use to win his by-election, break down Danielle Smith's over the top list of demands for constitutional amendments, and delight in the Maga world's meltdown over Trump's refusal to release the Epstein list. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz finds a new, ornothological way to win the U.S. Trade War. If you'd like an extended version of this episode that also talks about the Twitter AI's racist breakdown and the future of AI in Canada, check us out on Patreon.
"Slash and burn, Carney style!" Luke and the Panel (Nile Séguin and Clare Blackwood) break down Mark Carney enacting spending cuts that even Harper wouldn't dream of, and then dive into the biggest sports stories going on in the world: The Blue Jays are soaring, Rogers is screwing over the Raptors, and the Mitch Marner saga makes us wonder how hockey players can be the toughest athletes in sports if they're afraid to answer media questions? Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the best way to get out of a traffic stop. If you would like an extended cut version of this episode that dives into the latest developments in the Epstein story, check us out on Patreon.
Canada turns 158! Ian and the Panel (Nile Séguin, plus special guests Andrew Ivimey and Diana McCallum) discuss how that “elbows up” thing is working for Mark Carney, some of our favourite things about this country, and invent a new Canadian accent. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz reveals who or what the Baronet of Nova Scotia is. If you would like an extended cut version of this episode that dives into the latest breaking news of Confederation in 1867, check us out on Patreon.
Israel and Iran may not "know what the fuck they're doing", but is it possible Trump does? Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Megan MacKay and Nile Seguin) talk about Trump starting WWIII and then getting a ceasefire 48 hours later, debate whether this is the one in a million ceasefire that Israel won't break, and break down the dangers of the recently passed Bill C-5. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz finds the sexiest way to inherit 1 million dollars. If you'd like an extended version of the Podcast that discusses the Canada-EU defense pact through the lense of an extended cucking metaphor, check us out on Patreon.
Party at Carney's house! Ian and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay, and special guest Andrew Ivimey) discuss how the G7 definitely still exists, why Canada's No Kings protest would need an asterisk*, and Netenyahu and Trump's tag team against Tehran. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz uncovers who the most embarrassing Canadian of the week was (for once, it's not Drake!) If you would like an extended cut version of this episode that also talks about Doug Ford's Ontario, check us out on Patreon.
Check your mailbox right now! Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Ian MacIntyre and Clare Blackwood) talk about the ICE protests and Donald Trump turning to page 1 in the dictator playbook, Mark Carney's popularity with Conservatives and international human rights abusers, and the weak sanctions imposed on two Israeli far-right Ministers. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the grossest way you can put money in Sydney Sweeney's pocket. If you would like an extended cut version of this episode that also talks about the Freedom Flotilla and Israel's approach to international outcry, check us out on Patreon.
The vibes are high at the First Ministers Meeting. Maybe a little... too high? Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Megan MacKay and Clare Blackwood) recap the "best first ministers meeting in 10 years" according to a premier who has been in power for 7, examine Danielle Smith's unrelenting popularity in Alberta, and break down the disturbing implications of the Strong Borders Bill. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the classic tv production mistake that tripped Poilievre up this week. If you'd like an extended cut version that also talks about the Liberals struggles in Parliament, check us out on Patreon.
"There shall be HST discounts for your Plebs who didn't inherit castles at birth!" Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Ian MacIntyre and Nile Seguin) dive into the Throne Speech, including the absurdity of hearing a hereditary monarch talk about saving famillies 840 dollars a year, the confusion over Justin Trudeau's footwear and the delight of hearing the words Pierre Poilievre and "visitor's pass". Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz simply goes off the rails. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode that also dives into all the latest events in Trumpworld, USA check us out on Patreon.
"This is the letter that finally stops the slaughter, we're pretty sure." Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin and Clare Blackwood) talk about the Conservatives' attempts to shore up support for Poilievre as leader, speculate on what the "concrete steps" Canada will take if Israel does not listen to its letter, and break down the media's attempt to gaslight Canadians over what is happening in Gaza. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the most dystopian solution possible to America's immigration policy. If you'd like a longer version that also talks about Carney's stumbles when it comes to the housing crisis, check us out on Patreon.
Prime Minister Carney announces his brand new cabinet of Trudeau-era ministers! Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Nile Séguin, and special guest Kat Angus) discuss who’s in, who’s out, and who’s making roast-style jokes! Plus the Woke Pope, and Trump’s Sky Palace. After all that, the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz gets to the bottom of Hamilton’s French equivalent. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode check us out on Patreon
Mr. Carney goes to Washington, and immediately regrets winning the election. Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay, and special guest Aaron Hagey-MacKay) discuss Carney’s first face-to-orange-face with Donald Trump, pitches for non-tariffed Canadian Hallmark movies, Western Separatism as understood by 4 Toronto-based comedians, and why Danielle Smith is like that. After all that, the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz debates the best reason to get stranded on Mt. Fuji. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode check us out on Patreon
It's our regularly scheduled election special. Brought to you by Henderson's Trail Mix. Henderson's Trail Mix: less candy, more trail! Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Megan MacKay) recap the highlights of election night, discuss the Liberals simultaneously over and underperforming with a Minority Government, and try to talk about Pierre Poilievre losing his seat without laughing too hard. Spoiler alert: we failed. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode that dives into the NDP performance check us out on Patreon
This is what happens when you invite Rebel News places. Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood and Diana McCallum) talk about the most Canadian reason to re-schedule a debate, right-wing influencers being terrified of pencils and how to get a burner phone if you're travelling to the U.S. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers an even smugger way to tell people you're running a marathon. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode check us out on Patreon
Every time we treat Canadian politics just as seriously as U.S. news, a news story comes along that reminds us we're basically a small town about to elect a dog as mayor. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Nile Seguin and Jocelyn Geddie) talk about Buttongate, the state of the race heading into the Debates, and why the Notwithstanding Clause is the Pringles of our Constitution. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the best thing to do if you're being chased by the cops. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode check us out on Patreon
Savvy business genius tanks the world's economy, news at 11. Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Megan MacKay and Andrew Ivimey) talk about Trump's plan to destroy the stock market in order to bring manufacturing jobs back to America (where American robots will do them), brainstorm some ideas for Canada's Conservatives to turn this election around, and wonder why Mark Carney is even bothering to campaign at this point. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the least sexy, least edible thing you can do with a carrot. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode check us out on Patreon
Donald Trump's Liberation Day Tariffs are here, and this time he won't back down for at least two days! Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) talk about the Conservatives' lack of election strategy, Pierre Poilievre's not at all creepy biological clock comments and how Canada's retaliatory tariffs are getting real weird, real fast. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the worst way to find out you're keeping your home too hot. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode check us out on Patreon
The writ has dropped, and it hit Pierre Poilievre directly on the head. Luke and the Panel (Megan MacKay, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk Danielle Smith's disastrous Breitbart interview, Pierre Poilievre getting by with a little help from his friends in the Indian government, Mark Carney's brillant strategy of being a sane Conservative in Liberal clothes, and the Green Party's hydra-esque Leadership structure. Also we spend 3 minutes discussing the television series Reacher for some reason. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers what item has been seized at the U.S. border way more often than fentanyl. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode check us out on Patreon
We're back baby! After a brief 6.5 year absence The Beaverton Weekly Report returns to make fun of the news. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk Mark Carney's first few days in office, the Conservatives struggles to find attack ads that work on a PM who looks like he came out of a bottle labelled 'generic politician' and Donald Trump's latest rational for annexing Canada. Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz discovers the most cartoonish way to crash a Tesla. If you'd like an extended cut version of this episode check us out on Patreon
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