The Bible in Fewer Words

In this episode we cover the first half of the book of Ecclesiastes - which is the best book in the Bible by far. It also includes the lyrics of a famous song by Pete Seeger - Turn! Turn! Turn! The text for this podcast with links to the verses in the Bible can be found here. If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW

Well, this is it. We've finally made it to the end of the Bible! In this episode we learn how the world will end. Satan will be locked up for 1000 years, then he'll be set free for a while. Gog and Magog will gather huge armies, who will be burned to death by a fire that God sends from heaven. And Satan will be cast into a lake of fire, along with everyone whose name isn't written in the book of life. Then a huge cubical city 2400 kilometers on a side will come down from heaven. Those whose names are written in the lamb's book of life and have God's name written on their foreheads will live there. When will all these things happen, you ask? Soon. Very soon, according to Jesus. These are his last words in the last two verses of the Bible: "Surely I come quickly. Amen. " The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/309.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In this episode we are introduced to the great whore who sites has fornicated with all the kings of the earth. Everyone on earth is drunk with the wine of her fornication. And Jesus (disguised as a lamb) gets married. After his marriage, Jesus rides into town on a white horse. He has eyes of fire, many crowns on his head, and a sword sticking out of his mouth. "King of King" and "Lord of Lords" is written on his thigh. He slaughters everyone with the sword in his mouth. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/308.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In this episode we learn who will be redeemed on the earth. It will be 144,000 male, Jewish virgins. We are also told about a side of Jesus that is never shown in the gospels. The Jesus of Revelation slaughters people with a sharp sickle. The blood of his victims forms a pool 320 kilometers wide and two meters deep. It would require the blood of 32 trillion people. After Jesus finishes the slaughter, God's angels pour out their vials and release seven more plagues on the earth. Painful sores, more blood and fire, and giant hailstones. The survivors curse God and gnaw their tongues in pain. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/307.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

The episode begins with the appearance of a pregnant woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and a crown of twelve stars. Then a ten-horned, seven-headed, red dragon appears, waiting to eat the baby as soon as it is born. But a war broke out in heaven, in which Michael and his angels defeated the dragon and cast him down to earth, where he made war on the children of the woman (who grew wings and flew away). Sometime later, the dragon gave his power to a blaspheming sea beast with the usual seven heads and ten crowns. Everyone on earth worshiped this beast. Only those who put the mark of the beast on their hand and forehead could buy or sell anything. And 666 was the beast's number. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/306.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

After the sixth trumpet, an angel tells John to eat a book. So John ate the book, which tasted sweet but made his belly bitter. Then two witnesses appear and and chaos ensues. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/305.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In this episode, Jesus (disguised as a 7-eyed, 7-horned lamb) opens the seventh seal, and seven trumpet-bearing angels appear. When the angels blow their trumpets, all hell breaks loose. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/304.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In this episode, the 7-eyed, 7-horned sacrificed lamb (Jesus) opens the first four seals, thereby setting loose the four horsemen of the Apocalypse to kill one-quarter of the humans on earth with war, famine, and beasts. Then an angel tells the angels at the four corners of the earth not to hurt the earth, sea, or trees until they mark 144,000 foreheads, 12,000 from each tribe of Israel. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/303.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In this episode, John of Patmos gets a peek at heaven, where a seven-eyed, seven-horned lamb appears who is able to open a book with seven seals. This is the lamb who has redeemed believers with his blood (Jesus). The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/302.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

Jesus writes seven letters to seven churches, encouraging them for doing the things he likes and threatening them for doing things he doesn't like. I f they are good, he'll let them eat from the tree of life; give them a white stone with a secret name written on it; write his own new name, his God's name, and the name of God's city on their bodies; and he'll even let them sit with him and his father on his throne. Sounds like heaven to me! The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/301.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

The book of Revelation is the most controversial book in the Bible. It was one of the last to make it into the canon of scripture, and Luther very nearly threw it out. It is the main source of predictions about the end of the world - all of which have failed, as will all future attempts using this bizarre book. The first verse tells us that it was revealed by God to Jesus who told it to an angel who told it to John. Everything that is predicted in the book will soon happen. The author, John of Patmos, believed that the end was near and would happen in his lifetime. The letter from God, Jesus, an angel, seven spirits, and John is to the seven churches in Asia, in modern-day Turkey. Jesus shows up in the first chapter. His head and hair are as white as snow, his eyes are like flames of fire, his feet are bronze, and a two-edged sword sticks out of his mouth. He has the keys to hell and death. You'll know him when you see him. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/300.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

No one knows who wrote this epistle, but whoever it was liked to call people names. Ungodly men ordained to condemnation, filthy dreamers, defilers of the flesh, ungodly sinners, murmurers, complainers, mockers walking in their own ungodly lusts -- all in just 25 verses! The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/299.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

The three Johannine epistles are all anonymously written, as was the gospel of John. No one knows who any of these "Johns" were, but none of them was who believers have always  believed him to be: the apostle John, "the beloved disciple." The three epistles and the Gospel of John share enough features, however, that they are thought to have been written by members of the same community, and may have been written by the same non-John. In them we learn that God is love and that we should shun non-believers. "John" knew he was living in the last days since there were so many antichrists. And since there are a lot more now, we must be living in the latter-day last days. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/298.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

This is another letter that claims to have been written by Peter, but almost certainly wasn't. It does have some interesting things in it, though. In it we learn that Noah was a preacher of righteousness, Lot was a just and righteous man, and that God plans to completely destroy the earth soon - but then, a day to God is a thousand years, and vice versa. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/297.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

The author claims to be the apostle Peter, but most scholars think it was forged. Illiterate, Aramaic-speaking, first century, Galilean Jews didn't write fancy letters in Greek. There are a few things in First Peter that should be of interest. Slavery is approved in 2:18, women are insulted in 3:1-7, believers are told not to run away from skeptics in 3:15 - and the devil wants to eat you (5:8). The author claims to be the apostle Peter, but most scholars think it was forged. Illiterate, Aramaic-speaking, first century, Galilean Jews didn't write fancy letters in Greek. There are a few things in First Peter that should be of interest. Slavery is approved in 2:18, women are insulted in 3:1-7, believers are told not to run away from skeptics in 3:15 - and the devil wants to eat you (5:8). And, above all things, love one another. Because love covers a multitude of sins. (4:8) The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/296.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

James is my favorite book in the New Testament. I don't know, maybe it's just the ex-Catholic in me, but James doesn't contain much that is objectionable, and has some really good stuff. Evangelical Protestants, of course, don't much like the book of James, though few will admit it as openly as did their hero, Martin Luther. He despised it, calling it an "epistle of straw" since it so clearly contradicted his perverted belief that salvation comes from faith alone, independent of one's actions. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/295.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

Although the author of Hebrews never claimed to be Paul (and wasn't), believers tended to believe that he was, which is why Hebrews is now part of the New Testament. The book is rather tiresome to read, though there is some fun stuff in chapter 11. The author praises the most atrocious acts in the Hebrew scriptures and credits them all to faith. If that's what faith can do, it's a good thing to stay away from. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/294.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

These are the last two of the epistles attributed to Paul. Philemon is one of Paul's undisputed epistles; Titus is pseudepigraphal (a forgery). There's not much of interest in Titus. But we do learn about liars (God can't tell a lie, Jews and Cretans can't tell the truth), Jewish fables and genealogies (disregard them), wives and slaves (must be obedient), and heretics (are condemned by God and should be avoided). In Philemon, Paul was writing about Onesimus, whom he had converted while in prison, and who was a runaway slave belonging to Philemon. Since Paul was in a position of authority among believers, this would have been a great opportunity for him (and God) to condemn slavery -- if he (and God) had anything against it, that is. But apparently he didn't. Instead he returned the slave to his owner, asking him to free him, but without so much as a word against the institution of slavery itself. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/293.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

Like the other Pastoral Epistles (1 Timothy and Titus), most scholars believe that 2 Timothy was written by someone who claimed to be Paul, but wasn't. The best-known verse in 2 Timothy is probably this: "All scripture is given by the inspiration of God." (3:16) Even forgeries? The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/292.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

First Timothy has important information for women, slaves, and dieters. Women are not allowed to have authority over men, must dress modestly and be silent in church. They can't teach, braid their hair, or wear expensive clothes or jewelry. Every woman is inferior to every man in every way. But there is a bright side: they are saved in childbearing! Slaves must obey their masters - especially if their masters are Christians. Otherwise God is somehow blasphemed. And for all you health freaks out there: Eat meat, don't exercise, and stop drinking water. Drink wine instead. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/291.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW