The Boundaries.me Podcast

On this episode of the The Dr. Cloud Show Live: -A caller struggles with need affirmation and validation. She gets distracted by what others are doing. -How do we find our boundaries? What's safe and unsafe in relationships? -A recovering addict wants to address his family's codependency but they refuse to get help. How can an addict avoid the triggers caused by family?

You may think you are a separate and free person when you look in the mirror. You’re not physically attached to someone else. As a person connected to others through relationships however you might not be the free and separate person you see in the mirror. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how so many of us are not free and separate people within our relationships. You might not be in charge of making decisions, someone might be controlling the decisions and behaviors that should be yours! Here’s the question: Right now, do you have any relationships where you don’t experience yourself as free to make your own choices without losing love? Free to make your own choices without a guilt trip being put on you? Free to make your own choices without them pouting and feeling abandoned? Dr. Cloud teaches you ways to start regaining your freedom by using boundaries to limit the control others have over you.    Audience Write-in Question: My boyfriend gets jealous easily, but my friends say that means he really loves me. Is that true, or is this a problem?   Kimberly has a 23 year old son that went through a truly terrible break up. He’s extremely depressed. She and her husband are actively getting them help but they don’t know what to do next.   Sal’s wife wants a divorce. She’s said she doesn’t love him and doesn’t know if she ever really did. What can he do to open up communication and how can he deal with the heartache? Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Much of how we bond and attach to others is formed in early childhood. Dr. Henry Cloud shows you how to look at your attachment style and find ways to get to a secure attachment. The attachments you have early on, whether healthy, inconsistent, or toxic, will have a huge affect on you. How do you experience your need for others? This is a critical aspect to how you attach. When your relationship with your needs are filled with conflict your attachment will be unsteady. Dr. Cloud breaks down the contributing factors that lead to secure attachment. This is a big talk, but you’ll understand so much more about how and why you’re having trouble with your attachments.   Audience Question: I suspect my boundaries need some maintenance. What are the signs I can look for that will tell me if I need to set stronger boundaries?   Jackie recently had a second child. Some of the women in her family are critical of her for not losing her baby weight like she did with her first child. How can she get them to drop the subject as it’s not helping and making her not want to see them?   Jacqueline needs to unfriend someone. The silent treatment isn’t working. Is there a good way to break off a friendship and go no-contact?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

By and large, personality type tests are very helpful as an initial assessment tool. But Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to get a better understanding of what they are actually useful for and where they fall short. One of the great things about them is that they allow us to see that a person’s behavior might not be coming from some malicious place, but from a propensity based on their personality. That's a huge step forward in building healthy relationships! Here’s the problem: a lot of people will take these tests and see themselves and others in a fixed way. While the personality tests can show the result of certain traits, they don’t explain the “why” of it. Dr. Cloud walks us through the polarity of personality tests and how to use these types of tests in a more holistic way.    Written question: My partner insists we stay up all night if we fight, saying we shouldn't go to bed mad. But this makes everything worse! Am I wrong for needing space?   Jessica has an estranged relationship with her mom and needs advice. Can she follow the Bible and honor her mother while also not communicating with her?   Maria is dealing with a triangulation problem. She’s separated from her husband and he is using her mother to persuade her. How can she stop this from happening?   Jenny’s mother has a drinking problem. She is constantly drinking wine and now she’s falling often. How can she encourage her to get help when her mother gets angry whenever the subject is brought up?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

What thoughts come to mind when you think of responsibility? Is it burdensome, negative, or toxic? If you think that you’re not alone. The word often gets twisted during our upbringing because it’s brought down on you, it’s used in a repressive and toxic way. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about responsibility. Outside pressure and duty are often associated with responsibilities, and if those extrinsic factors went away you would not keep those responsibilities. Dr. Cloud elaborates on how to transform the external side of responsibility into internal choice. How you think about your responsibilities as a choice is critical for developing empowerment in your life. Reality will always hold you responsible, but whether you take responsibility for your role in what happens has to be your choice.    Write-in question of the day: I haven't spoken to my son in several years and it's the most painful loss I've ever experienced. His father was very hard on him. Too hard, and I didn't step in when I should have. He was a very stern man. Never physically abusive, but highly judgmental and not an ounce of love to give. I'm now divorced and I want to reconnect with my son but he isn't returning my calls. What can I do?   Jill stores trauma from her past in her body. She gets tense pains in her neck, back, shoulders, and stomach when she needs to speak up for herself around the family that caused the trauma.   Jennifer and her husband are in disagreement about their church. Her husband is against the core principles of his church but she wants to stay.   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

You may have heard from this show that motivation is not correlated with goal achievement–in fact it can be inversely correlated with it. What then are the factors that have the biggest impact on accomplishing goals? Dr. Henry Cloud shows us that what matters most is first the belief that your goal can be achieved. The second factor is prioritization. In this short talk, Dr. Cloud will help you get clear about what really works for making things happen in your life. Remember, if everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.   Write-in Question: I haven't spoken to my son in several years and it's the most painful loss I've ever experienced. His father was very hard on him. Too hard, and I didn't step in when I should have. He was a very stern man. Never physically abusive, but highly judgmental and not an ounce of love to give. I'm now divorced and I want to reconnect with my son but he isn't returning my calls. What can I do?   Jaret got divorced 2 year ago and wants to reconcile the marriage. His big question is whether his desire to reconcile is coming from a good place or a place of fear.   Kathy lives with a friend that’s a hoarder. When Kathy throws things away they find their way back into the house. How can she confront the friend in a peaceful way about starting the cleanup process?   Laura feels stuck in a pattern of self-betrayal. She’s a journalist and doesn’t feel comfortable talking about her faith at work.   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

“Resilience” is a word that is thrown around a lot these days, and for good reason. We could all use a little more of it. But what is resilience, and how does one become more resilient? Dr. Henry Cloud breaks down the subject like this: There are negative events in your life from a small problem to something potentially catastrophic. Those are the external things that happen. Resilience lies within the person responding to those events. How you see yourself, how you view your own strength and confidence, the experiences you have had–all of these lead to your resilience. Your resilience is your capacity to deal with these challenges that come into your life. So how can you change your capacity? Your words. Dr. Cloud wants you to look at your words, and to understand how much they can affect your resiliency. How you say things to yourself about what’s happening directly influences how you interpret the event and its outcome.    Write-in Question: I've dealt with a lot of anxiety in the past, both social anxiety and just general panic-y feelings, crippling self-doubt. This has gone on forever. But lately my friends have been saying they think I have ADHD. They've been sending me memes about ADHD and saying, "This is SO you!" And I have to admit. It is! A friend said there is a connection between ADHD and anxiety. Is that true?   Tina has a son with severe mental illnesses. He’s 38 and is refusing medication. What are her option before involuntary commitment?   Kathleen wants to know when she should stop hoping for further improvements in her husband. He has bipolar disorder and has made great strides but is plateauing in his growth. How can she encourage him to keep growing when he might already be maxed out?   Beth’s husband is emotionally immature. Their therapist has confirmed what she already knows: he can’t take feedback and gets defensive easily. What are some strategies for getting him on the right track?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

Wanting to do something and actually doing it are two very different things. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to stop thinking of motivation as the key to success. While of course motivation is an important part of getting started, it can also cause problems. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, as the Bible says, and motivations that don’t lead to actions can cause their own set of problems along these same lines. An addict may want to get clean and be motivated to do so, but at each turn they find an obstacle and it doesn’t get them to sobriety. As these motivations accrue and lead to dead ends a new pattern emerges: helplessness. You can’t depend on motivation to get you to where you want to go. It ebbs and flows and it will let you down. So what does work when you have the motivation? Prioritization, habits, patterns, practices, accountability partners. Dr. Cloud wants you to keep your motivation, but be mindful that it’s not the fuel that leads to the end game. Let your motivation lead you to a new habit that’s more sustainable than motivation alone.   Write-in Question: I have a short temper and I often wind up alienating myself from others because I am quick to get angry. It's probably affecting my blood pressure (which is high) and my overall mental health, and obviously the quality of my relationships too. Even when I try to suppress my anger, I find myself acting in a passive aggressive way. How can I learn to control my anger before it controls me?   Lindsey needs help with reestablishing priorities again. She got on the wrong track and wants to rethink how she views prioritizing the healthy habits she used to have.   Leslie gets insecure about the men she’s dating and whether they are interested in other women. How can she tell if this is just jealousy or her intuition picking up on a bigger problem?   Theresa has a problem with a brother she loves that also has some anger issues. How can she bring peace to the situation without sweeping the problems under the rug?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Narcissism has become such a commonplace word that not only has it lost its specificity, but in doing so it has become difficult to identify the types of narcissistic behavior you might be dealing with. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to learn what type of narcissistic patterns a person may have. Some narcissists can change for the better, and others can’t. Dr. Cloud describes the different underlying causes of this behavior and how you can address the entitlement that it presents as. In some cases you need to stay clear of these people, In other cases, through patience and love, they can find the vulnerability they need to become their real selves.    -Sarah has cut off contact with her mother but has family engagements where she can’t avoid her. How can she protect her sense of peace when her mother is around? -Kimberly has experienced rejection, whether from romantic partners or her own kids. How can she stop ruminating and playing out regrets? -Megan is a positive person, but when it comes to her future she has a really tough time seeing positive outcomes happening. What can she do to change her self-talk to something more positive?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. Take advantage of early sale pricing before  If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

When you’re struggling, you’re usually going to have a symptom: you might be anxious, depressed, afraid, overreacting. You might be getting stuck accomplishing something. Whatever your symptoms might be, Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to see the key differences between symptoms and root causes. Learning more about your symptoms can help you see where your root causes are, but continuing to treat the symptoms without investigating the causes won’t lead to real change. Dr. Cloud wants you to stop and examine your symptoms so that you can get the help you need to address the real underlying causes behind them. It’s a great way to start feeling better. Write-in Question: I was in a relationship for years with someone who made me question my own reality. By the end, I felt crazy and didn't know what was real anymore. I've been out of it for a while but I still struggle with self-doubt. Do you have any advice for overcoming the effects of long-term gaslighting? Barbara wants to know what the process of healing from childhood trauma looks like in terms of time and commitment? Joy got dumped by a widower after being together for two years, out of nowhere. When they started the relationship he had lost his wife only three months prior and isn’t sure if she was just a rebound-relationship to him. Donna has a lack of trust that’s causing some serious problems. She doesn’t even trust her doctor. How can she assess trustworthiness better and gain some skills so that she can at least begin trusting at all again? Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

While of course being your authentic self is always a good idea, "faking it" can be an incredible tool. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about the psychological power that comes from faking it till you make it. Whenever a new task is put in front of you that you don’t know exactly how to do, this technique can be used to give you the confidence you’ll need to learn. When we are put in a position where we don’t have the requisite understanding or skills to perform, the process of faking it till you make it can help you avoid the feeling of being an imposter. Imposter syndrome can make you feel like a fraud. There are two components to faking it till you make it. One is that ALL learning is faking it till you make it. You don’t know what you’re doing until you’re doing it, and the process is inextricably linked to learning. The second component is that you actually have to do something to fake it till you make it! Rather than sitting around pondering and wondering whether you can do something, faking it till you make it gets you going on the path! Growth is not easy, but it’s really hard if you need to be perfect and all-knowing in order to get started. Fake it till you make it and you are on the right track to getting a new ability. Lori needs help managing her relationship with her her ex-husband. They are still financially intertwined, but she might also still have feelings of love keeping her stuck. Write-in Question: I have been surprised recently to discover that my husband and I have very different positions on a major event that has been occurring in the global news. Through deeper discussion, it's clear that his values haven't changed, and I don't believe mine have either. We have always agreed on nearly everything when it comes to politics and ideals, and otherwise we still do. I want to have healthy separateness, but it is a strange feeling to disagree about something that we both have such strong conviction towards. How important is it for married people to have the same position about big topics like this? Tasha wants to stop comparing herself to others. She can see that it's coming from a need to control her world that might stem from earlier trauma.   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word “criticism?” How you handle criticism is not just a measure of your patience, it’s also a huge growth opportunity. Dr. Henry Cloud explains how changing the frame through which you look at criticism can greatly improve your relationships and your performance. How you feel about criticism can also tell you a lot about your character. Getting to the next level in your life involves improving on things or adding new things to your life, whatever they may be. If you are not willing to find out where you can improve from the outside it’s going to be very difficult to verify real changes. Dr. Cloud wants you to think about your reactions to feedback and how you can steer away from defensiveness. Not all criticism is warranted or justified, but when it’s coming from a trusted source that wants the best for you it can be a blessing and chance to change for the better.    Dr. Cloud answers this write-in question: I have a getting-started problem. I am a 37 year old male and I know that I need to make changes if I want to live the kind of life I always imagined living. I could lose a few pounds. I could take my dating relationships more seriously. I could be more ambitious at work. I could play a few less video games and drink a bit less. But I don't, and feel like I'm always living in tomorrow. I come up with plans but I never get started. Is there something I can do today that will make the kind of difference that I'll feel immediately, and might help me get more motivated to get to work?   Heather needs strategies for staying emotionally centered when things get heated with family members she works with.    Regina has a daughter who is a pastor in Sweden. How can she make her relationship with her daughter work when her daughter is showing signs of contempt toward her at every turn?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

How do you work on conflicts in a relationship? Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think about which way you lean when something comes up that’s either uncomfortable, argumentative or otherwise conflictual in your relationships. Understanding that there are basically three types of behavior that you might engage in, one of them being more prevalent in your life. The three types are moving toward, moving away, or moving against. You will always move in one of these directions during a conflict. Where this gets interesting is when you see that rather than making a choice, you might be doing this automatically. You might be moving away from a conflict when you need to move against it. And so on. As you begin learning your conflict type, you’ll also see it in others and your relationships will greatly improve as conflicts arise.   Jacqueline wants to take care of her sister’s former foster daughter as a child advocate, but her sister is against the idea and sees it as a betrayal. What do you do when someone you love is preventing you from doing what’s right?    Anne is having difficulty accepting her decision to end a romantic relationship. Did she leave for the right reasons, or was it out of misplaced fears?   Written Question: I am really interested in personal growth. Lately I feel like my enthusiasm for personal growth and development content might be going overboard though. I follow a lot of good folks on social media, read tons of books, watch Youtube videos, and attend seminars in person. These things all make me feel good and like I'm doing something right, but I'm not sure if I'm really doing all that much growing. Can you overdose on personal growth, or what am I doing wrong?   Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

One thing most of us do with the word “choice” is that we equate it with the power to make something happen. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to rethink what choice is actually capable of bringing to your life. Choice is great, it’s important, but it’s not a methodology. That’s to say that willpower and choice are not a method of change alone. Your initial choice can set your direction, and that’s a hugely powerful start, but that does not lead to staying power. When you’re setting a goal, definitely use choice to get started, but remember that you will continue to employ choices at every step to get to your goal. One choice is never enough to make anything meaningful happen. You need to continue making choices along the way to make real changes.   Dr. Cloud takes a write-in question: I think of myself as an emotionally intelligent person, but recently I got some feedback that has me wondering. A friend of mine reached out looking for support and I did what I hear a lot of men do and tried to give her some advice. She wasn't looking for advice. She told me in a kind way that my response lacked emotional intelligence. I understand now that what I did wasn't helpful. But that leaves me wondering: How do I assess my own emotional intelligence?   Sarah is having difficulty accepting her adult daughter’s decisions. How can learn to let her daughter make her own mistakes?   Kathy is having serious issues with her daughter and granddaughter who both live with her. They don’t talk to her, and when they do it’s rude and mean. What can she do to open up civil communication again? Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do? Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.   If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Unlike in the distant past, we don’t really have a rite of passage to adulthood. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how regardless of how many degrees you have, or how old you are, being an adult is not a guarantee on age or merit alone. So what is adulthood, and how do we get to it? You’ve probably met people that have made it far into their lives and still aren’t an adult yet. Dr. Cloud talks about what it means to be a responsible, independent adult. You may physically be an adult, but there are emotional, psychological and spiritual aspects to adulthood that you may need to grow in.   Written Question:I feel like fear is ruling my life right now. I can feel my life getting smaller and my dreams getting further away. How do I stop giving into fear? I find that my language around fear, the way I frame it, can feel very negative and avoidant, and I am prone to making excuses. I don't expect things to be perfect, but how can I feel more secure that things will work out? Susan has discovered gaps in her memory most likely caused by childhood trauma. She asks Dr. Cloud to talk about dissociation. How can she get back in touch with her emotions? What does childhood trauma recovery look like? Melanie has a sister that continues to belittle her and mischaracterize her as selfish when she’s setting boundaries. Her family doesn’t want to weigh in. When do you decide to stay away from a family member that won’t respect your boundaries? If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

Regrets are inevitable in this life and can bring us great sadness. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about how you look at your regrets. When we talk about regret we’re talking about loss and the emotional pain that comes with that. What can really be helpful is letting regret show us what we don’t want to lose. The trouble is that guilt will accompany the regret and that can prevent you from mourning what you’ve lost. Dr. Cloud asks you to transform your normal reactions of guilt and badness to one of godly sorrow. When you think about what you’ll lose by not changing, real change can come forward.   Written question: I find myself stuck between this sense that I'm constantly striving for MORE and BETTER versus the idea that it might be healthier to accept what I've got, what I've accomplished, and the way things are. Why do I always feel like I want and need more? Does it ever end?   Marshall is working irregular hours and wants to add meaningful structure to his time to maintain his relationships and his work-life balance. Linda has an adult son that has been violent with her in the past. How can she mend her relationship with her son, and what role does she have to play in her grandchildren’s lives? Karissa is a pastor’s wife and a mentor. She wants to know how to stop internalizing others’ failures. She feels like she has failed when they fall short and it’s affecting her.  Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

Our life is driven by two key drives and they are often at odds with each other. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how these two drives can be worked together. Drive number one is our need to connect and feel connected. The second drive is our aggression. When when we can merge these drives together it’s called drive neutralization and it will greatly improve your relationships and your performance. Written question: How do successful people think differently about outcomes? Sally needs help with an intrusive father that spreads rumors. Sarah has two boys going through crises and feels like her parenting skills are being criticized. Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

Loving someone and treating them with love are two different things. Dr. Henry Cloud reminds us of what we can do to be more proactive in our loving relationships. Written question: Do physical activities help people heal from trauma? Kerri is housing kids from a youth group and wants advice on how to help a traumatized 17 year old open up. Sarah feels like a crappy person and doesn't know why. What can do to get started unpacking these feelings? Margie is putting up simple boundaries and her in-laws cross them all the time. What is the right response when people cross your boundaries? Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

Changing your life is always a difficult task, but it’s nearly impossible without accepting personal responsibility. Dr. Henry Cloud gets into what you should and shouldn’t take responsibility for and how this awareness can transform your life and the options you have. Written question: Lately I feel like my attention and ability to focus is being stolen away from me. There are so many distractions, from email to messaging apps, and group chats, and social media, and all of the other notifications. Are we meant to be able to manage all of this communication? Jill is setting "healthy boundaries" but doesn't want to sacrifice helping the people she cares about. Tamars seeks advice on how to look at a failed dating relationship. Betty is having trouble with some new people at her church that are questioning her integrity and spirituality. Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries   If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.  https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud  

How do you stay positive when all of life is coming at you like work, kids, social issues, health problems etc? Dr. Henry Cloud discusses a key element that the mature possess and immature lack: being able to hold the good and bad together at the same time. Written question: Can you offer any advice or strategies to help me find my bearings and start moving forward with purpose and clarity? Connor is struggling with overreacting to his wife’s moods and wants to know how to be more centered. Written question: How does one deal with anxiety about their health? Kim is feeling overwhelmed by her New Year’s resolutions and doesn’t know which ones to prioritize. Melody has an adult son she's having trouble setting financial boundaries with. Having trouble setting boundaries? Are you worried that boundaries go against your Christianity? Dr. Henry Cloud lays the foundation for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries that align with Christian principles. Check out the upcoming workshop and get discounted early bird pricing for a limited time. https://boundaries.me/myboundaries If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud