The Cartoncast

UFO50 isn’t just an incredible game, isn’t just an amazing concept packed with even more awesome ideas, like some kind of gaming fractal, but it’s so unique and cool that it brought The Cartoncast back out of retirement for one last job.

Thanks to everyone who listened to our nonce for a decade straight. Vaya con huevos.

There’s nothing else to say. This is true art.

Baccano! is brilliant. I’m not even going to front with this one, guys. We both have way too much reverence for this show to do a bit about it that will do it justice. Just take our recommendation as gospel, dust off your fedoras, and get ready for one of the greatest dubbing triumphs of our generation.

Ben and Zane were worried that they were losing their street cred. They were known as the Cartoncasters, sure, but did anybody know about their detective careers? That time they saved the world? The horrible monsters they created/defeated/rebirthed? They brought Ian in to give them a makeover and to let the whole world know that they were the true Land-based Adult Action Squad.

The 90’s was a verdant era for cartoons, coming off the success of Ducktales. However, it was also the era of Tude. Ben and Zane went wandering for a decent - just decent! - protagonist, buried amongst the dross of hedgehogs’ Sonic and Zeldas’ Link. Thank goodness they were able to call in the Mighty one, Gary, to use his catalogue of all things 90’s pop culture. He revealed to them not only do such protagonists exist, but they also have electric guitars. Sold!

What’s cooler, Moonwalking or the Running Man?

Hating on CGI has become a national pastime for the cartoon-watching world, and we’re certainly no strangers. But is a good concept enough to rescue some fairly uncanny animation and flat characters? This episode features superfan Alex as he walks us through a oft-forgotten movie of the aughts. Remember to bring your walkie-talkies and bikes - you don’t want to be a dead person, do you?

Ben and Zane were reading their Bibles like they totally all the time do, when they read an odd story they weren’t familiar with. It spoke of “fruits of the ground” which “rose up to overthrow mankind” and “sing silly songs all day.” The Cartoncasters asked Ali for help. She used her expertise with vegetables to throw salt over the books and perform an exorcism. They weren’t sure that it was the holiest thing they could have done, but at least is wasn’t boring!

Ben and Zane were on the hunt for the cryptid provided in their handy dandy cryptid-a-day calendar. This one would be tricky - an astronaut-scientist-olympian-archeologist-professor moose. They called in Phil for his unmistakable expertise in all things hokey and contrived. Turns out the cryptid was more of a metaphor for the cold war than an actual moose. Didn’t work for ya? Well here’s something we think you’ll really like!

What do you get when you take an Empowered guest, an Australian Cattle Dog, an S-tier dad, and a willingness to get a bit sappy? The Cartoncasters intended to find out. They hustled around the house, putting these elements into their magic blend-o-matic until it spat out the cutest little dog show in the world. Ben and Zane had a great time, but sometimes you just need to rest after playing, you know? Time for a nap!

YouTube wasn’t always like this. Before the algorithm took hold, word of mouth and reputation were king. But unlike Flash player, not only the most internally motivated creators could make content. Enjoy our retrospective on some of the early hits in YouTube. * Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! * Electronic Supersonic * Getgoatz! * Before Dave Chapelle went full terf - Oscar the Grouch * Mario twins! (Schiggity Schiggity Schwah) * QWOP * 7 words you can’t say on tv * Diggy Diggy Hole * Everything turns into crab

Ben and Zane were rolling full steam ahead when something on the tracks caught their eyes. It was Andrew, funny little fellow he was, blocking the path of the Cartoncasters. They asked him to move but he would not. He asked them to move but they would not. So they carried him off to the smelter for reprocessing. Also they were all trains.

Ben and Zane are friends. They have fun together. They are Cartoncasters. They meet Muzzy. Big Muzzy. Nic rode past on a bicycle. Muzzy likes bicycles.

Ben and Zane were (once again) musing on what it must be like to be a tween girl. What were the social pressures like? How does one make friends? What sort of wish is worth it to damn the world, and is the world even worth saving? The Cartoncasters only knew one thing for sure: that weird cat thing was due for a beating.

There’s only so much Ben and Zane could take. In the current political climate, they were filled to burst with political satire of every kind: known knowns, known unknowns, and the reclusive unknown unknowns. They needed an expert to help them sort through the harrowing fields of political comedy, and it turns out that Dan Caves was just the man for the job. Sure, he might have prefaced every proper noun with the word lil’, but even so, they were able to say mission accomplished. Heh heh. * That’s My Bush * Festivus * Psychodrama * Innuendo Studios * The Graduate scene * Mission Accomplished remains funny * Please Clap remains funnier * Rummy - The Boondocks * The Pygmalion Effect * A Modest Proposal - The purest form of satire

Ben and Zane needed an expert to explain the changes they were noticing in their bodies. Zane was able to turn his bones into cheese, and Ben had rat sneezes. They called in Josh to explain some lore about mutations, and the X-gene, and Legends of the Hidden Temple for some reason. When we asked how genetic mutations could let someone create full rats from their nose, Josh just directed them toward 70 years worth of comic books. Could be worse, though. Could be Wolverine Origins.

Ben and Zane had high hopes for their chances on Total Podcast Island. The Cartoncasters were helpful, courteous, and completely absent of drama. And even though their team won the challenge, the host decided that they were bad TV and sent them packing. On to the real challenge: Book Deal!

In some ways, Studio trigger provides a countermelody to the anime of the 90’s. Instead of saying a lot using fairly basic animation, Promare says very little - but it says it really, really loudly. The plot construction is shallow, the characters poorly motivated, and the sense of space is almost nonexistent - and yet, this is an anime powerhouse at the very top of their game, and we found it enjoyable as hell. Let your mind wander as the regular geometries wash over you, and you’ll have a real good time too. * Gurren Lagann - Gainax’s Opus * Fried Ricer * Love at First Fight * Varys the Spider - GoT * Everything is Prome in the Future! * The Larry Craig Scandal * Lordgenome Fights a Robot Bare-handed * Futurama - Gills come Next Week