The Dispatchist: A Friendly Podcast about Hell

Wrapping up our latest arch about angels! I’m sure they’ll come back, but we’ve really got to get back to Hell before someone figures out we’ve left. We can’t have that.  WordPress somewhat recently added a feature to create text with AI. But honestly? I think our confused maeandering beats artificial confused maeandering any day. Brief callout to “Cranston Thorndike and the Dragon,” I know we mentioned this before but I can’t find it! Jacob spent a fair bit of time growing up adjacent to a Christian fundamentalist cultist, and it shaped him into what he is today. Fond memories for the confusing 80’s hell-journey that is “Cranston Thorndike and the Dragon.” We’ll almost certainly do an episode on it after we get out of the medieval period, and the reformation, and the 1900s… in the meantime, relive someone else’s memories on Youtube. In Hell News, we talk about the strange connection between Anton LaVey and Sammy Davis, Jr. This was covered recently in “Rolling Stone,” a magazine article that will soon be adapted into a horror movie starring Leslie Odem. Is “Rolling Stone article adapted into a horror movie” a first? I hope so. The crux of the article is Sammy Davis Jr’s unreleased pilot episode of “Poor Devil,” which can actually be found on Youtube. Yay! Related/unrelated, the “Aaron Burr/Got Milk” commercial. Jacob is surprised to learn it was directed by Michael Bay. Other hell-news: “Newly discovered devil bee from Australia,” “Brussels Nativity Scene Stolen,” “Dallas church sends immigration message with Christmas nativity,” “Santa Manna,” angel worksheets, and a recipe for the Flaming Goat cocktail.    No-one is likely to care about this, but Jacob’s writing the notes, and is including a picture of his new fursona, “Tarnal,” which suggests that whatever lesson he was supposed to take away from Cranston Thorndike and the Dragon, he took completely the wrong one away.    “Unmasked Mysteries” has a host of weird AI-generated near-myth videos. They’re all a bit weird, I think that’s fair to say. We enjoyed “This is what the hell of fallen angels look like” while recognizing that it’s not going to win the “Webbies” this year. Bit of a head scratcher.    Word for the week: “Tennin,” a class of angel-like spirits from Buddhist myth, typically looking like women in flowing garments. They may serve as a connection between the divine and human, which is a very angelic sort of role!  Jamin mentioned a sculpture of Samyaza, but the sculpture is “The Sons of God Saw that the Daughters of Men Were Fair,” by Daniel Chester French. (Image by Daderot). The wikipedia article uses that as an image. You can clearly see the well-rubbed butt cheek of the daughter of man. 

And, we’re still on angels. This may take a while. There’s a lot to say about them and we’re not sure where they end or how to get back on the hell highway or if we really ever got off. 

Let’s talk about angels! Until such time as we expand the show notes, we talk about the children’s video “What does the Bible Say about Angels?” and an article about selling one’s soul for Labubu Dolls. 

Week two of our journey into the divine revelations of Mary Kathryn Baxter…and this one, friends, was a tough one. Hell is surprisingly boring and repetitive, and Jacob and Victoria both messed themselves up on Mary’s live presentations. Don’t do that, friends.  Both “Divine Revelation of Hell” and “Divine Revelation of Heaven” are available for free, so read along. 

This week we’re starting a two-parter, or maybe a three-parter?–on the writings of Mary Kathryn Baxter.  According to her autobiography, in 1976 she was visited by Jesus for 40 days, and taken on a journey through Hell and Heaven. God gave her a unique divine commission to write what she saw down and spread it to the world, a process of composition, possibly revision, likely no editing, that took about 20 years. The hosts of the Dispatchist, who have a strong background in editing/publishing, have questions about this timeline, given the importance of the client. Anyway! Both “Divine Revelation of Hell” and “Divine Revelation of Heaven” are available for free, so read along. While Jacob would like to have “divine revelation of angels and demons,” there’s a general lack of desire to support the author or publisher. We’re reading the books out of order, starting with Heaven, although Jamin didn’t know this.  Hell news and appetizers… Beverages! Food and Wine has a nice article and recipe for the “Last Word” cocktail, share and enjoy! Berbs! Our ongoing translation of Berbiguier’s “Farfadets” is here. When we get to $50/month on Patreon we’re going to start the audio book version! Oh no! You’ve probably missed the Young People Jubilee 🙁 It started on July 28 but runs through August 3, so there’s still time! The “Realm of Satan” trailer is out and limited theater releases on this film documenting the Church of Satan! From the New York Post, “I was dead for 2 minutes and didn’t want to leave.” The article features her artwork! “Word of the Day,” we’re trying something newish, since there always seems to be one. This week’s word, which really should be for the next episode, is “backslidden,” which comes from “to backslide,” basically to fall back into older habits but more specifically to fall out of good religious habits and into apostasy. We might also add Hanlon’s Razor to this, “never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” Sources Besides the big obvious resource of “the original books” Youtube, “Mary K Baxter: Divine Revelation of Heaven and Hell” Experience the down-home style of MKB. In fairness, she’s not a bad speaker, at least for her target audience.  “The Hell Hustler” – not particularly favorable to MKB, with some biography and theories. A Critique of Mary Baxter’s Book…. – This article is from a near-death experience group. Extremely detailed.  

This is, obviously, a Very Special Episode: episode 100! We share drinks, talk about past highlights, future episodes, and suggest some topics that wouldn’t quite make it into a full episode. It’s a bit long and self-indulgent, but we hope you enjoy, and thank you for joining us on this ride! We’ve started sharing content on Youtube! Mostly it’s older episodes as we move through our back-catalog, obviously there’s a ways to go there, but please consider checking us out and liking and subscribing! Hell news… Trending this week, at least among the hosts: The Jubilee of Seminarians, Bishops, and Priests: From June 23-June 27, three waves of special events for church leadership type folks take place in Rome. Events include prayer, concerts, prayer, pilgramages, prayer, masses, prayer, prayer, and 31 ordinations!  WHO releases public health advice for Jubilee travelers: Honestly, it makes perfect sense that, alongside advice for heat, bad water, and food, they’d have some thoughts on STDs. It’s not actually funny or ironic. It’s good work that they do, and we shouldn’t have laughed. Raising Hell: Catholics devate church teaching on eternal punishment: Internal argument over whether hell is a place of eternal torment and punishment, or a temporary purgative experience. Spoilers, Pope Francis was not speaking for the majority when he said he hoped that hell was empty. There are two books mentioned in this article, “Not a Hope in Hell” (extremely expensive defense of eternal damnation, at $180), and Charles Pope, “The Hell There Is, an Exploration of an Often-Rejected Doctrine of the Church.” I usually try to be positive about this sort of thing, but I did get “The Hell there Is,” it was a dreadful read, all condemnation, no information. Read it if you have a thing for being damned. Wait, I DO have a thing for being damned, and it’s still dull as dishwater.  1800 years later, and the church still sees sadism as a useful tool, there’s nothing new or valuable in this book. – Jacob Procedurally generated cocktail menu: Jacob does not drink, but wanted to bring beverage-oriented to the party. And so he asked AI to provide some themed beverages. These may or may not be drinkable, although Jacob has had several “Heretic’s Bathwater” since the recording. The Lucifer FlipA dark, decadent classic with a silky finish—satanically smooth, academically rich. • 1.5 oz dark rum• 0.5 oz crème de cacao• 0.25 oz simple syrup• 1 whole egg (yes, raw)• Dash of nutmeg• Optional: black lava salt rim 1. Dry shake all ingredients (no ice) to emulsify the egg.2. Add ice, shake again until very cold.3. Strain into a coupe glass.4. Dust lightly with nutmeg; rim with black salt for drama. Theme: Named for the Morning Star himself, this is the cocktail of the fallen academic—sumptuous, showy, and a little sinful. The Hellfire HighballA bold, spicy twist on a classic highball—perfect for sipping while pondering eternal torment. • 1.5 oz cinnamon whiskey (like Fireball)• 0.5 oz mezcal (for a smoky bite)• Ginger beer (to top)• Dash of chili tincture or hot sauce• Lime wedge for garnish 1. Fill a highball glass with ice.2. Pour in cinnamon whiskey and mezcal.3. Top with ginger beer and a dash of chili tincture.4. Stir gently and garnish with a lime wedge.5. Optional: Serve with a tiny pitchfork swizzle stick  Theme: Represents the “fire and brimstone” aesthetic—hellish, smoky, and just a little dangerous. The Buer BoulevardierClassy and complex—just like your favorite demon with a goat’s head and a wheel of lion legs. • 1 oz rye whiskey• 1 oz Campari• 1 oz sweet vermouth• Orange twist for garnish 1. Combine ingredients in a mixing glass with ice.2. Stir until well chilled.3. Strain into a rocks glass over a large ice cube.4. Garnish with an orange twist. Theme: A demonic riff on a Negroni for those who prefer the infernal arts with a side of sophistication. The Heretic’s BathwaterA dangerously refreshing, weirdly comforting drink that you should absolutely question. • 1.5 oz coconut rum• 0.5 oz Midori (melon liqueur)• 1 oz pineapple juice• 0.25 oz blue curaçao• Club soda to top• Maraschino cherry and rubber ducky (optional) 1. Shake rum, Midori, pineapple juice, and curaçao with ice.2. Strain into a tall glass over crushed ice.3. Top with club soda.4. Garnish with a cherry—or go full chaos and float a clean novelty rubber ducky. Theme: Absurd and indulgent—just like a segment that goes off the rails. Looks cursed. Tastes divine. Jamin would probably hate it. Jacob would probably make three. The ApocryphizzInspired by Gnostic gospels and things the Vatican probably doesn’t want you drinking. • 1 oz absinthe• 0.5 oz elderflower liqueur• 0.5 oz lemon juice• Sparkling wine to top• Edible glitter (optional, but heavenly) 1. In a shaker with ice, combine absinthe, elderflower, and lemon juice.2. Shake briefly and strain into a chilled flute.3. Top with sparkling wine.4. Optional: Add a pinch of edible glitter for that holy sparkle. Theme: Bright, floral, and a little forbidden—perfect for toasting heresies and lost gospels with Victoria and Jamin. Garden of SnakesSweet and herbal with a serpent’s bite—knowledge never tasted this good. • 1.5 oz gin• 0.5 oz green Chartreuse• 0.75 oz honey syrup (1:1 honey and water)• 0.5 oz fresh lemon juice• Dash of bitters• Cucumber ribbon or sprig of thyme for garnish 1. Shake all ingredients with ice until chilled.2. Strain into a chilled coupe or rocks glass over a large cube.3. Garnish with a curl of cucumber or thyme to evoke Eden. Theme: Evokes biblical temptation, forbidden fruit, and esoteric knowledge—just what you’d expect from a theological deep dive hosted with humor and gin. The Dispatchpresso MartiniA caffeinated ode to late-night recording sessions, demonic lists, and existential dread. • 1 oz vodka• 1 oz coffee liqueur (like Kahlúa)• 1 oz fresh espresso• 0.25 oz vanilla syrup• 3 espresso beans (for garnish, symbolizing health, wealth, and damnation) 1. Shake all ingredients with ice until frothy.2. Strain into a chilled martini glass.3. Garnish with 3 espresso beans floating on top. Theme: Perfect for powering through an episode about weird saints, linguistic tangents, or whatever the hell Jamin is talking about this week. Cursed AND caffeinated. Footnote to DamnationA literary and layered cocktail—equal parts scholarly reference and moral hazard. • 1 oz rye whiskey• 1 oz amaro (like Averna or Montenegro)• 0.75 oz dry sherry (e.g., fino)• 1 dash orange bitters• Lemon peel twist for garnish 1. Stir all ingredients with ice until well chilled.2. Strain into a Nick & Nora or small coupe glass.3. Express lemon peel over the top and garnish with it. Theme: For the moments when you need to footnote Aquinas and take a shot. Dry, layered, and mildly bitter—perfect for quoting obscure heresies. The Gehenna GimletA crisp, citrusy cocktail with a scorched-earth twist. Tart enough to cleanse the soul—or at least the palate. • 2 oz gin (London dry or herbaceous)• 0.75 oz lime juice• 0.5 oz burnt sugar syrup (or caramelized simple syrup)• Pinch of smoked salt• Charred lime wheel for garnish 1. Shake gin, lime juice, and burnt sugar syrup with ice.2. Strain into a chilled coupe glass.3. Sprinkle in a tiny pinch of smoked salt.4. Garnish with a charred lime wheel. Theme: A reference to the biblical garbage fire that became one of Hell’s origin points. Clean, sharp, and just a little ashy—like an angel who took a wrong turn. Thiess of Kaltenbrun (wiki) In 1692, 80-year-old Thiess of Kaltenbrunn was brought up on charges of witchcraft. These, he denied, claiming he was a werewolf, blessed by Saint Michael, to go to hell, fight the witches and the devil, and retrieve the harest and the sun.  Wiki has an excellent summary of the story, but the book “Old Thiess: a Livonian Werewolf” is really good and readable. Author Carlo Ginzburg, a microhistorian, wrote several books exploring the knock-on effects of an Italian agrarian cult. His book “The Night Battles” goes into deep detail on the Benandanti and witch flight. A good read! Penitential Literature In her mini-topic on penitential literature, Victoria specifically mentions the 6th-century Penitential of Finnian and the Paenitentiale Theodori, 700. We get distracted by the Sexual Decision Flowchart for Medieval Men. Cyprian of Antioch, John Bosco Cyprian is a very popular saint among occultists and is wound very tightly through South American magic. He’s the patron saint of necromancers. It’s pretty likely that he didn’t exist (there’s another St. Cyprian who likely did.) In his big legend, he’s a powerful wizard (like “Alladin’s Lamp” powerful, and his myth may adopt from djinn magic stories) who’s asked to cast a love spell on the Christian girl, Justinia. When h

How many apocalpyses of Mary are there? Three? Nine? We still don’t know!   Before we forget what we’re doing again, callout to Morbid Anatomy’s Devil book club. Morbid Anatomy is good weird people! Before you enjoy this episode, which, ideally, you will, take a moment with these delightful beatboxing nuns, it’ll be worth the click. And read up on the floating Jubilee destination, the Amerigo Vespucci!

Today, we learn that Mary is really kind of a bad-ass. Also let’s talk about Theophilus the Penitent.  

And now, we examine the Demiurge in his most stylish manifestation: the dark emperor of Fritz Lang’s “Metropolis!” At some point we’ll be posting show notes again. But in the meantime, I must link to the youtube video of the Jankey Flamingo dance scene.   

Possibly the final chapter on the Demiurge, as he starts to merge with the myth of Satan. But sometimes he’s nice! Just confused.  

More dissection of the “Demiurge” concept,” as we work our way through Plutarch and the biblical era. Spoilers: He’s not a baddie yet, but we’re getting there.   

We’re starting into some gnostic territory with the Demiurge, the (currently, at the moment at least), benevolent creator/craftsman that gives form to the chaos of the universe! Uncharted philosophical territory for us, good luck team…  

Up the mountain! You may think we’re going to get into Paradise, but no, that doesn’t happen for another three cantos yet and in another book entirely, so…maybe two years…  

We’re climbing the mountain, we can even see Heaven from here! In this episode Jacob gets “silverpoint” wrong, acceptable gay/Italian greeting kisses are briefly discussed, and there is, wait for it, another vision…and so much foreshading!  

Still climbing the mountain with Dante as we continue “Purgatorio,” cantos 9-17. We discuss P on Dante’s face, what’s the point of absolution anyway, reader burnout, mansplaining angels, and more!

It’s Infernovember again! We’re tackling “Purgatorio” this month, which the hosts are finding challenging, rewarding, and not quite so sensational as some of Dante’s other works. More as we learn more!

Back to hell! We open up two of Christianity’s first hell-journeys, the apocalypses of Peter and Paul. I think we were a bit kind to these two often sadistic texts, what do you think?

In fairness, it’s easy to make a confusing muddle out of the Testament of Solomon, because it’s already,  like, three confusing muddles.

Episode #87: St. Augustine: Podcasting is Justice for the Unjust Okay, we’ve done it. A monument to scholarship and spiritual insight, well over an hour of confused and bemused conversation on St. Augustine. This was surprisingly fun, which means that it’s probably dodgy. Anyway! In our “Hell news” bit, we talked about deciphering the devil-inspired and encrypted letter from a 17th century nun, and maybe you need to check out the Franz Kafka Rock Opera from Home Movies (NOT the “Squiggle Show”). OR Insane Clown Posse’s “Miracles.”

Episode #86: The Seven Deadly Travel Destinations! Oh, boy, we’re going to tackle Augustine…soon. In the meantime, join us for some fluff hamartiology as we travel to a number of destinations that either were inspired by, or might inspire, one of the 7-14 deadly sins. Broadly, Jacob is assuming that “mayonnaise” is a sin.