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The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
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The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Author: Kate Anthony, CPCC

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On the Divorce Survival Guide Podcast we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go?
Hosted by Kate Anthony, your Divorce Survival Guide.
97 Episodes
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Doing the holidays and divorce — at the best of times — can be super complicated. Co-parenting during the holidays during a pandemic? What a shitshow, amiright? Well, it doesn’t have to be. This week, Michelle Dempsey-Multack joins me to offer tips and advice on how to handle the holidays during this crazy time. Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast.  There is no guidebook for parenting during a pandemic. But through our conversation, we hope you find some insight, inspiration, and tips to help you move through the upcoming season with confidence and grace.  Show Highlights The shift in the divorce and co-parenting space and the role COVID-19 plays. (3:35) How to have an uncomfortable conversation that is non-threatening about making the holidays safe for your children. (8:49) Distinguish between the ex-partner who will balk about everything vs the ex-partner who is truthly concerned because they deem your actions as reckless. (12:06) Uncomfortable conversations lead to comfortable situations. (14:16) You can’t tell COVID to go away because it would make divorce easier. But COVID is forcing new divorcees to slow down post-divorce. (15:33) Some tips on how to handle the holidays as co-parents, including how to share or split holidays. (24:48) Make your goal about you, moving on in a healthy way and doing what is best for your children. (34:57) Creating new holidays and traditions for yourself, post-divorce. (35:10) Learn More About Michelle Dempsey: Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®) and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade - just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie.  Resources & Links: Michelle’s website Michelle on Instagram Michelle on Facebook Mom’s Moving On Podcast Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Maneuvering through a divorce is tough. Co-parenting can be even tougher. Parenting a diagnosed or newly diagnosed child with ADHD or neurodiversity post-divorce, well, things can feel downright suffocating at times. This week on the podcast we’re talking about parenting a perfectly imperfect complex child in the midst of a divorce. My guest Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. She’s the co-founder of ImpactADHD.com and co-creator of Sanity School®. When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, Elaine’s work truly impacted the way that I moved through my son's diagnosis, parenting, co-parenting with my ex, and everything that came after that.  Seriously. Elaine’s work was a lifesaver for me. Show Highlights Getting an ADHD diagnosis for your child. (4:20) Now that you know what you are dealing with, what happens next? (5:00) Moving from ‘fix-it’ mode to ‘understanding’. (8:29) How to deal when one partner in the co-parent has ADHD and you have a child diagnosed with ADHD too. (16:31) What to do when one parent is in denial about a diagnosis. (19:05) Steps to help empower your child to find control where they can and help them feel good. (20:26) Choose one thing to be important at a time and not try to do everything at once. (38:26) What to do when your co-parent partner is criticizing your way of parenting. (42:05) Learn More About Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. The co-founder of ImpactADHD.com, co-creator of Sanity School® (an online behavior therapy program), and co-author of Parenting ADHD Now! Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD, she provides coaching, training, and support for parents of complex kids – and parents raising kids in complex times. Her newest book, The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More was released in September. Elaine has served as a parent advisor for the American Academy of Pediatrics and on the national Board of Directors of CHADD. She is the mother in an ADHD++ family of six.  Resources & Links: Elaine’s website Elaine on Twitter Elaine on LinkedIn Elaine on Facebook Elaine on Instagram Bless Her Heart – She Just Doesn’t Understand ADHD (article) Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I am sounding off about why I get political on my podcast, on social media, and in my work. The short answer: It’s because it matters and it’s all intertwined. America is extricating itself from a relationship with a toxic abuser. The same thing is being played out in so many marriages that I see.In this episode, I breakdown the intersection between politics and my work in women’s empowerment. I explore the similarities between Donald Trump and toxic partners, and why doing the work to remove yourself from such relationships is so important. Not just for you, but for your children, and for America. Show Highlights Why I talk about politics in my work. Consider where the power dynamic shifted in your relationship. Why you need to have a solid exit plan when leaving a toxic relationship. The importance of understanding and acknowledging privileges to support others who do not have the same privilege. Why it’s important to do the work and be an active participant in changing the systems and behaviors in your life.  Resources & Links:DSG Episode: Nobody is Entitled to Your Forgiveness Seduced Documentary National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support, resources and advice for your safety: TheHotline.org or call 800-799-7233Private Coaching with Kate AnthonyKate Anthony’s program Rooted Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I am re-airing a listener favorite episode - Not Your F*cking Job. Want equal partnership? Let's start with not taking on impossible tasks -- and then being blamed for not being able to accomplish them. Listen to this episode for more! A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group that I was going to write a flipbook called, Not Your Fucking Job. And it was going to be a very simple book about all the things that are not your fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. You know, things like: Helping him heal his childhood wounds?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Teaching him how to be a good parent?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Proving your worth or proving your love to him?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.Or keeping him from cheating on you?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. You get the idea.  Well, in this week’s episode I am going to go through about 8-10 scenarios of things that are not your fucking job and explain why you need to stop carrying allll of the weight in your relationship.   After you listen to this episode; if you realize you are doing these things, understand you are doing them out of some need to control.  So what IS your job: to uncover why you’re doing these things and then work to fix it, for you — not for him or for anyone else, for you. Only in this way will you have a chance at healing your marriage, or having an amicable divorce. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why it’s not your job to heal your partner’s childhood wounds  Allowing your partner to make mistakes and clean up his (or her) own messes A reminder that it is not your job to beg him to love you or treat you well Why it’s not your job to lose weight, gain weight, dye your hair or get a boob job in order to feel as though you are enough for someone. Only do these things if you WANT to, for you!  What IS your job in your relationship Resources & Links: ROOTED LIVE is coming!  If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words, "I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February.  It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. Fed Up, Gemma HartleyCo-Dependent No More, Meldoy Beattie DSG Episode: NOW...he wants to go to therapy?
This week I am re-airing a listener's favorite episode, The Power of Letting Go with Jill Sherer Murray. The episode aired right before the COVID-19 pandemic began. Since it feels like an entire year has passed since February, I thought I'd revisit some of my most popular episodes from early 2020. I'll be back with new episodes in November! Wouldn’t you just love the superpower of letting go? If so, you’re in luck! Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. Jill is my guest on the podcast this week and she’s going to share all about harnessing the power of letting go.   Yes, letting go can feel risky and downright scary.   And, letting go is a challenge.   Especially when you’re contemplating divorce or going through divorce.   Jill said something pretty powerful during our time together, “If you figure out how to let go, you can find your way out of or to anything.” So today she’s going to share some ways that you can begin to move forward in your life.   After all, this is your one wild and precious life. If you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to live it, you’re not gonna get it. You have to take permission to live it yourself. This includes permission to let go, permission to immerse yourself in self-love, and permission to live your life as you see fit.  Show Highlights How ending a 12-year relationship was eye-opening and transformational for Jill (6:15) What letting go truly is and the importance of acknowledging what you need to let go of before you can take action (14:36) We talk about a simple yet powerful exercise which walks you through the process of letting go (26:41) Why letting go is real freedom and how the act of self-love empowers us to act boldly (29:37) Where women struggle most when it comes self-love and letting go (36:33) When we don’t do the work, we are agreeing to let other people to decide what we have and what we don’t have (44:51) Let go of being so hard on yourself, let go of other people’s expectations, and let go of being afraid of what you truly want (50:03) Learn More About Jill: Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go.   Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by almost two million people – and grows by the thousands each day. Her book, which comes out in May and is available for pre-order on Amazon and Indiebound, is called Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. She wrote it in response to the countless numbers of viewers who’ve reached out to her for help and inspiration after seeing her TEDx talk.   Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago. And another five years writing a popular blog called “Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis” for www.wildriverreview.com. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—12 times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers.  Resources & Links: Jill’s website Jill on Facebook Jill on Instagram Jill on LinkedIn The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go TEDx A Special Gift from Jill: If you’re struggling like I was in a relationship, not sure whether to hold on or let go, take comfort in knowing that the truth inside you knows the answer. And I have something to help you crack that truth. It’s a simple exercise you can do in just 11 minutes. Get it here: https://bit.ly/31Z9G1U The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
This week we are talking about all things step-parenting.  Tracy Poizner, the founder of the Essential Stepmom Podcast, joins me to explore this topic. Tracy and I discuss becoming a step-mom, how to prepare yourself if your ex-husband introduces a stepmother into your child’s life, and how to create an environment for your children to feel safe and loved within their newly formed blended family.  Show Highlights It can take up to seven years to settle into being a step-parent. (3:11) Some advice for women preparing to become a step-mom. (5:30) How to blend house rules between bio children and step-children. (15:05) So, there’s a new woman in your ex’s life: Tracy talks about how to prepare for this new situation of sharing your children with another woman. (26:03) Recognize this is a place of growth for you, love is not a finite thing - your children will never have less love for you because they have a step-mom in their life. (30:47) We discuss family constellation therapy and the orders of love. (32:00) Learn More About Tracy Poizner: Tracy is the host of the weekly Essential Stepmom podcast, heard in 54 countries worldwide where she offers unconventional advice and inspiration for The Womanly Art of Raising Someone Else's Kids. Having been a stepmom for 14 years and an alternative healthcare professional for over 20 years, she has a special perspective on emotional healing and how to meet our own personal needs as stepmoms in the everyday chaos of this challenging lifestyle. Tracy's blog is available at her website, essentialstepmom.com. Resources & Links: Tracy’s website Tracy on Facebook Tracy’s Private Facebook Group Tracy on Instagram Download Tracy’s 3 Secrets of Successful Stepmoms Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group  
Jessica Frew is the co-host of the podcast Husband In Law.  Along with her husband and ex-husband, they share their stories of love, marriage, coming out, infidelity, divorce, and co-parenting. Jessica and her ex-husband were married for just over a year when he came to terms with the fact he was gay.  They then remained married for another seven years.  In this episode, Jessica shares her extremely unique and openly loving story of divorce.  Show Highlights Jessica’s unique and wonderful experience with divorce and co-parenting. (2:19) The boundaries shift with almost any co-parenting relationship. (4:32) Why it’s important to not compare your divorce with another. (6:15) Understanding your partner’s issues are not about you. (9:07) How has being an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has affected Jessica and her co-parenting relationship with her husband. (11:54) There is more freedom in personal responsibility. (23:36) Navigating religious culture in the face of divorce. (29:02) Learn More About Jessica Frew My ex-husband (Steve) and I were married for just over a year when he came to terms with the fact he was gay.  We stayed married for another 7 years.  We were happily married but there was a side of Steve that he needed to explore and be authentic to. When we divorced, we discussed how we wanted our divorce to look for ourselves and for our daughter. We have been able to stick to that plan.  I have been remarried now for 6 years and have 2 step kids.  My husband (Matt) and Steve get along as well.  We do birthdays, family dinners, holidays, and vacations together.   They even take our girls out on double dates.  It is such a blessing.  Matt's ex-wife does not like us, despite our efforts to have a good relationship with her.  We have learned to set firm boundaries in order to protect ourselves and our children.  I have learned so much about what it really means to be a stepmom.  I have learned to let go of control to not take offense when mud is slung my way.  It is a hard roll to find your place in because it is one you never expect to hold.  Together my husband, ex-husband, and I are sharing our stories of love, marriage, coming out, infidelity, divorce, and co-parenting in our Podcast Husband in Law.  We are doing this to help individuals view themselves and others in a new light so that they can see not only their own self-worth but also the worth of others.  We are changing how people view themselves and others to create more understanding and stronger relationships.  Resources & Links: Connect with Jessica Jessica on Instagram Podcast Husband in Law  Jessica on Facebook The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
When it comes to divorce and alcohol abuse, weaponizing the disease of alcoholism is the worst thing you can do — not only for the individual being accused but also for your children. Today, Chris Beck, VP of Soberlink, joins me for a discussion about how Soberlink is empowering co-parenting relationships and keeping families together — even after divorce. In this conversation, Chris and I take a deep dive into the alcohol monitoring system Soberlink and learn how it is used as an empowerment tool that helps build trust between divorcing parents. Soberlink allows you to have peace of mind that your children are safe while with your ex, while keeping communication lines open as well.  Show Highlights How the testing system works, and when to use it. (3:00) Why random testing may not be ideal in a custodial environment (6:00) What happens if there is a positive test during parenting time. (8:42) Soberlink is not a punitive or oppressive tool, it is a unifying tool. (10:00) Reducing the stigma of alcohol use. (13:25) How the results are tracked and how Soberlink works within the family law court system. (17:37) COVID-19 and how it’s affecting cases involving alcohol abuse. (23:06) Learn More About Chris Beck:Chris Beck is the VP of Business Development for Soberlink Healthcare. Chris’s primary responsibilities include working with Family Law Judges, Attorneys, and Health Care Professionals across the country to educate them on Soberlink’s modern approach to alcohol monitoring for Child Custody Cases. He has led over 25, 1-hour educational presentations and continues to find new opportunities to raise awareness around alcohol monitoring and child safety. Resources & Links: Soberlink Soberlink on Facebook Soberlink on LinkedIn Soberlink on YouTube Soberlink on Instagram Soberlink on Twitter The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
We do ceremonies for many of life’s transitions - baby showers, weddings, and more. When one is faced with divorce, creating a ceremony isn’t something most consider doing. However, a divorce ceremony can help you emotionally and spiritually, and create an intention of how you want it all to go. And that is the topic of this week’s episode.  The Ceremonialist, Georgia Wall, joins me to discuss what the divorce ceremony process could look like and how ceremonies are a reverent and intentional act that brings us closer to our innermost sense of knowing, always with the aim of honoring our own humanity as well as the humanity of all people. We also discuss the various ways in which you can create a ceremony for yourself and work to cut the chords of the divorce process. I invite you to listen to this episode with an open heart and receive the possibilities of this spiritual wellness work.  Show Highlights How Georgia came to this work and what kind of ceremonies she helps to create. (6:43) Ceremonies for internal shifts, including acknowledging the painful parts of life and figuring out where you want to be. (7:50) Being intentional about what you are stepping into or stepping away from. (11:24) The various stages of divorce and the ceremonies that you can create - like one for finding clarity and one for the actual divorce. (19:53) The ceremony creation process and some of the deep insights uncovered. (20:22) When you name something (your divorce, your realization that you should go, or decision to stay) with intention, helps you to see all the places where your various thoughts and feelings exist. (33:12) Spiritual practices help you to set an intention. (37:47) Learn More About Georgia Wall: Georgia Wall is an artist, educator, and Ceremonialist based in New York City.  She offers personalized ceremonies to individuals, groups & communities. Rather than adhering to a specific practice or lineage, Georgia "seeks to uncover the specific inner ceremony that an individual or a group carries within them -- the ceremony that is necessary and arising for the given moment, born from lived experience." She considers her practice of ceremony a process of co-creation with the people she works with. Georgia has created ceremonies to acknowledge and honor everything from births to deaths, to the more intimate rights of passage, like the end of a romantic relationship or a decision to have an abortion. Georgia describes a ceremony as "a reverent and intentional act that brings us closer to our innermost sense of knowing, always with the aim of honoring our own humanity as well as the humanity of all people" Resources & Links:Georgia’s website The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
My guest this week, Carrie Casden, has a really interesting approach to talking about money. In this episode, we are talking all about our relationship to money in the face of divorce. Carrie Casden is a business manager and financial coach.  She coaches clients toward financial wellness and how to make smart fiscal decisions.  There's often a variety of emotions that come up when talking about or dealing with money. If you don't work on the feelings now, it's going to be much harder to stay on a budget during divorce.   Carrie helps us understand what it means to unpack our money stories. She helps us get to the heart of money issues and empowers us to make financial decisions for our future.  In fact, our conversation can be summed up as one about empowering women to take responsibility and control of their own financial security, stability, and futures. Show Highlights How to unpack and understand your relationship with money. (7:22) The difference between a conscious and subconscious relationship with money. (7:56) There's always sort of an emotion attached to money. (10:56) Money archetypes and why understanding your pattern will help you make money choices more wisely. (11:48) Money behaviors, and why we feel like it's an underutilized portion of friendship. (39:06) How to figure out which money archetype you are. (47:26) Learn More About Carrie Casden: Carrie Casden is a business manager and certified money coach at Summit Financial Management in West Los Angeles.  She coaches clients across the United States towards financial wellness and helps them understand their conscious and subconscious relationship with money.   She works with clients going through divorce and guides them through the sometimes overwhelming financial steps involved with ending one chapter and creating a new and more meaningful one. Resources & Links: Carrie on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
A huge realization for many women going through divorce is around the emotional abuse they’ve suffered in their marriage. In my program, we have an entire module dedicated to uncovering and understanding this, part of which is hosted by my guest today, Rhian Lockard.  Invariably, as women dive more deeply into the work of uncovering emotional abuse, they are struck with the question, “Wait, am I the abuser?”  This week, my friend and colleague Rhian Lockard returns to the podcast to help answer that very question. (Spoiler: if you’re asking the question, you’re not the abuser.) Rhian is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others. In this episode, Rhian helps us to understand the difference between being the abuser and being someone backed into a corner trying to save themselves from a very real threat.  Show Highlights If you are asking the question, “Am I the abuser?”, you’re not the abuser.  (3:56) Someone who is emotionally abusive is seeking control from a relationship and not love or connection. (5:55) The fatal trait of a narcissist is that they want love but refuse to do the self-work. (16:02) Because you are not the abuser does not mean you don’t have toxic qualities. (18:03) How and why we start to behave in alignment with how our relationship is set up. (31:43) How do you get out of a toxic relationship? (35:39) Why you should go to therapy yourself, first. (41:48) How women can take back their innate sense of knowing. (48:14) Learn More About Rhian Lockhard: Rhian Lockard is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others.  Resources & Links:Rhian’s websites: Rhianlockard.com and Moonstonewitchery.com Rhian on Facebook Rhian’s previous appearance on The Divorce Survival Guide Rhian’s YouTube Video - Am I the Abuser? Look for Rhian's podcast - What Is Love? - on your favorite podcast streaming app!  The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week on the podcast, we’re talking about dating after divorce with Bela Gandhi. Bela has been called The Fairy Godmother of Dating by Steve Harvey, Harry Connick Jr. and The Huffington Post — so basically, she’s magic.  Bela is the founder of The Smart Dating Academy in Chicago, and has been helping people find lifelong love for over a decade. When I first got divorced, I could not wait to start dating!! Unfortunately, I wasn’t focused on dating for fun and experience. Instead, I was on a quest for my next husband! Needless to say, that did not go very well for me. #stillsingle When I look back at my dating experience post separation and divorce, I can say without hesitation that it was the biggest lesson in learning who I am in relationships. If you’re thinking about what dating after divorce will look like for you or about to start dating again, I encourage you to look at dating as an interesting and introspective process.  And to listen to whatever Bela tells you to do — that’s what I’m doing now! #projectfindkateahusband Show Highlights How to know when you’re ready to date and why making sure you are as healed as you can be following your divorce is so important. (7:47) If you haven’t worked on yourself first, you’ll run into the same relationship over and over again. (11:59) The difference between what happened in your past relationships and what you made up. (16:16) What has happened to the dating world because of COVID-19. (20:41) What are some of today’s rules of engagement for women coming out of marriages? (26:16) Some of the red flags of dating. (29:28) Dating with attention and awareness. (42:16) Smart Dating Academy: How Bela and her team work with clients. (46:09) Learn More About Bela Gandhi:Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets.  After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemical and manufacturing company (CCC) as the, where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating’s Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice.  She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009. Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully.  Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships”.  SDA’s coaches become personal trainers for their clients’ love lives.  The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success. Resources & Links:Bela on Instagram Bela on FacebookBela on Twitter Visit Bela’s website and grab your copy of 7 Clues You're Dating A Narcissist The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Everything about divorce is hard. Court proceedings, mediation, and yes, co-parenting. In fact, nothing is more important than the safety and love for your children. When a co-parenting relationship turns sour or worse, parental alienation occurs, your children experience an emotional cutoff from one (or both) parents.  This week, we are talking about conscious co-parenting and attachment-based parental alienation with Dorcy Pruter. Dorcy is recognized as one of America’s Top Reunification Specialists, a “Conscious Co-Parenting Coach," who teaches divorcing parents struggling with Attachment-Based Parental Alienation how to reunite with their alienated children and resurface the bond that was obstructed.  Parents oftentimes are well intended, and most times our actions manifest from fear and love. It’s a fine line to maneuver. Dorcy helps us to understand how parental alienation shows up and what we can do about it. She also provides some amazing insight about essential skills our children should know in order to cope and move through life as a child of parents living apart. Show Highlights Dorcy explains Attachment-Based Parental Alienation and how it shows up in co-parenting relationships. (4:59) Why the goal is to protect all children, all of the time. (12:23) Covert alienation and what to do if you are the parent on the receiving end of implicit attacks. (14:06) The importance of creating a soft place for your children to land. (17:02) Why you should stop covering for your ex’s inadequacies and instead teach your children how to be in a relationship with them. (23:03) Critical thinking skills are one of the most powerful skills that we can teach our kids. (34:29) Why you should stop covering for your ex’s inadequacies and instead teach your children how to be in a relationship with them. Critical thinking skills are one of the most powerful skills that we can teach our kids. Learn More About Dorcy Pruter Dorcy is recognized as one of America’s Top Reunification Specialists, a “Conscious Co-Parenting Coach," who teaches divorcing parents, struggling with Attachment-Based Parental Alienation, how to reunite with their alienated children and resurface the bond that was obstructed. She teaches children “HOW to be in relationship with BOTH parents” and delivers high-impact reunification strategies that inspire left-behind parents to take immediate action and restore the relationships with their children. In just a few years, Dorcy created one of the world’s leading co-parenting companies, The Conscious Co-Parenting Institute, to meet the needs of parents wherever they are in the divorce process.   Resources & Links:Conscious Co-Parenting Institute Dorcy on Facebook Dorcy on LinkedIn Dorcy on Instagram Dorcy on Twitter Custody Resolution Method program The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Getting sober is a vulnerable process, but as this week’s guest’s book suggests, there is surprising magic in getting sober. Laura McKowen, author of We Are the Luckiest is here to talk about her journey to sobriety, getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, and making it through to the other side.   I’ve been on my own sobriety journey, and I'm still kind of early in the process. In this episode, you’ll hear how my story is completely different from Laura's, yet the feelings are so similar. If you’re not sober, if you're not struggling to get sober, or if you have no intention of ever getting sober, this episode (and Laura’s book) is still a great resource! The wisdom Laura shares during our conversation are applicable to every facet of life.  Show Highlights Laura shares openly about getting divorced in the midst of her sobriety journey. (4:53) Learning how to be in a relationship with someone without alcohol. (10:45) Why people-pleasing is a form of dishonesty and some of the other insidious ways that we're not honest with ourselves and those around us. (16:38) The pregnancy principle: what it is and why it matters. (39:45) In order for something new to grow there have to be boundaries. (23:36) How to let go of perfectionism. (40:01) Learn More About Laura McKowen:  Laura McKowen is the author of We Are the Luckiest. She is a former public relations executive who has become recognized as a fresh voice in the recovery movement. Beloved for her soulful and irreverent writing, she now leads sold-out yoga-based retreats and courses that teach people how to say yes to a bigger life. She hosted the iTunes Top 100 podcast HOME, with over 1.5 million downloads. and has been featured on the TODAY show, in the Guardian,  New York Times, Web MD,  and more.  Resources & Links: Laura’s website Laura on Facebook Laura on Instagram   Laura on Twitter Laura on Pinterest  The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group  
This week on the show, we have a woman who has been crowned The Fairy Godmother of Divorce by the New York Post! Nicole Noon, Esq. is a nationally recognized divorce expert and pioneer of divorce funding.  And she's super cool.   So what is divorce funding? It’s very much like getting an advance so that you can afford to go through your divorce. If you’ve decided it is time to leave your marriage, but are stuck due to finances, then divorce funding might help you move forward. Nicole helps us understand what it is and how it can help women get through financial hurdles.  Show Highlights Divorce funding, what it is and how it can help. (4:00) Some of the ways in which you can use the funds. (8:47)) Securing a divorce fund and the process from start to finish. (10:00) How having your credit destroyed by your husband can affect your ability to apply for and get funds. (11:28) The logistics of divorce funding, including how to access the money, terms for paying it back, and more. (21:00) Some resources for women who can't afford to go the usual divorce route. (26:00) Learn More About Nicole Noonan, Esq.:  Nicole Noonan, Esq., CEO of New Chapter Capital Inc., specializes in divorce funding. She formerly served as President of Novitas US. She is a nationally recognized divorce expert and pioneer of divorce funding.  Crowned the “Fairy Godmother of Divorce” by the New York Post. Recognized by New York Magazine as New York’s Women Leader’s in the Law 2014. She has been seen on Good Morning America, Bloomberg TV, WLNY’s “The Couch” and WPIX.   She also been featured in The Huffington Post’s Women in Business, American Banker, The Economist, Forbes Magazine, Fortune Magazine, and The New York Times  Resources & Links: Nicole’s website  Nicole on InstagramNicole on LinkedInNicole on Facebook  Nicole on Twitter The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
When the Black Lives Matter movement rose up more powerfully than ever in the wake of the murder of George Floyd, I checked in with the Black women in my Facebook group to see how they were doing.  Obviously, they weren’t doing too well. But one thing they were struggling with surprised me: the guilt they felt around leaving Black men in the midst of this rise in racial tension. Because the Black women in my group are all too aware of the trauma that Black men carry on their backs, simply by virtue of being Black men in America, and would leave them now traumatize them in some even deeper way? Most women feel guilty for leaving their husbands on some level. Most of us are even keenly aware of the trauma that our partners live with that impact many of the issues in our marriages. But the guilt Black women feel is something else entirely. The trauma Black men live with by virtue of being Black in America is something that most of us can only begin to fathom. In order to break down this topic (and a few more!) I turned to my friend Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq, who is a Black woman, an attorney, and a divorced mom! In this episode, we discuss how the world’s current events are impacting our diverse population and what COVID-19 is teaching us about how we look at and live our lives. Show Highlights Black women tend to put themselves last, Dana offers some insightful advice on managing your own priorities and values, and not to feel guilty about it. (10:51) You don’t know what kind of co-parent you are until you are one and you don’t know what kind of co-parent you married until you divorce. (21:31) You will carry the same baggage into your next relationship if you don’t deal with it and work through it. (23:00) If your partner is not supportive of your dreams or growth and tries to squash them, this is just one RED flag that you are not where you are supposed to be. You have to stand up for you! (38:00) We discuss toxic energy and projection, and how it can affect you. (40:00) Part of growth is not being afraid of failure. (44:00) Learn More About Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq.: Dana Michelle is the host of radio and television talk shows Dana Being Dana, new television show Finding Common Ground and Co-founder and Director of The Homecoming Challenge, a non-profit alumni giving campaign. A full-time practicing attorney and mother of two, Dana Michelle divorced in 2015 and unleashed a new lease on life.   Resources & Links: Our Happy Divorce weekly lives / weekly live archived episode with Dana Dana’s website Dana Being Dana Finding Common Ground Dana on Facebook Dana on Instagram Dana’s Homecoming Challenge The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Kundalini Yoga provides you the chance to be more introverted, relate more to your subtle nature, heal your inner wounds, and navigate your intuition system. When you check-in with your intuition, as Kundalini helps you to do, you inherently get answers to some of your deepest, most difficult questions, including, “Should I stay or should I go?” As we enter the final week of sex and intimacy month, I am talking with Libby Lydecker about Kundalini Yoga, and how it can help awaken your intuition and help you lead a more intimate life. We also discuss sexual alchemy, including what it is (it’s more than just about sex) and how to harness it. Libby Lydecker (aka Dya Kaur) is a Kundalini Yoga teacher of 13 years, a Spiritual Life Coach, a conscious Sexuality Podcaster, and an International Retreat Leader. In this episode, she helps us to understand just how powerful women can be when they do the inner work and bring out their power from within.  Show Highlights What is Kundalini Yoga and how it differs from other forms of yoga (5:00) You can’t give your power away to anyone else, fixing yourself is inner work. (14:00) Addiction recovery and Kundalini Yoga. (22:06) How Kundalini can be used to heal divorce trauma and how it provides an eagle-eye perspective to help you move through it. (27:17) Every woman carries a ferocious power within them, waking up into that power is the way we will transform ourselves and society. (35:15) There is nothing wrong with justifiable anger, but Kundalini asks you to consider what you can do with that anger? (38:00) Sexual Alchemy, what it is and how we can harness it. (39:46) Feeling sexually confident at any age and why it is your birthright to experience sexual pleasure. (51:38) How to invite men into the healed power of a woman. (54:00) Learn More About Libby Lydecker: Libby Hudson Lydecker aka Dya (pronounced Daya) Kaur (like car) is a Kundalini Yoga teacher of 13 years, a Spiritual Life Coach and a conscious Sexuality Podcaster (Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur) and International Retreat Leader.  Through the technology of Kundalini Yoga, and conscious self authorized empowerment, she helps guide her students and clients to find their solutions from within. Our best answers are found when we give our higher self space and freedom from the clutter of our conditioning and social prescriptions.  Resources & Links: Libby’s website Libby on Facebook Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur on Instagram  Libby on LinkedIn  Kate on Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Are you ready to take your sexy back? As we enter another week of sex and intimacy month on the podcast, I am bringing you one of my favorite people to talk to about sex and relationships, Dr. Alexandra Solomon. Dr. Solomon is the author of the books Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. She is also a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University.  In this episode, we talk about the various ways women can reclaim their sexuality after divorce. We discuss the importance of attaching sexuality to oneself as opposed to someone else, shifting the way we teach and talk about sex, and how being vulnerable can aid in sexual healing. Divorce can leave you feeling broken and unsexy, but you really can own your sexuality and create the life you desire -- even in midlife! Show Highlights What prompted Dr. Alexandra to write “Taking Sexy Back,” and how it stresses the importance of reclaiming your sexuality. (3:00) Attaching sexuality to ourselves rather than to someone else. (5:59) Changing and shifting the way we teach sex education. (8:00) How the patriarchy has impacted women's sexual ownership and sexual power. (13:46) The spectrum of sexual coercion and manipulation. (20:00) Risk, trust, self-compassion, and consent. (29:05) How couples can navigate desire discrepancy. (36:02) How to talk about sex safely with your partner, when it doesn't feel that safe. (45:00) Learn More About Dr. Alexandra SolomonDr. Alexandra Solomon is a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. She is the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want (New Harbinger, 2017) and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want (New Harbinger, 2020). She writes articles and chapters for leading academic journals and books in the field of marriage and family and is a regular contributor at Psychology Today. You can connect with Dr. Solomon at DrAlexandraSolomon.com. Resources & Links: DrAlexandraSolomon.comLoving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships Dr. Alexandra Solomon on InstagramDr. Alexandra Solomon on FacebookDr. Alexandra Solomon on TwitterDr. Alexandra Solomon on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
When we’re talking about marriage, sex is an important topic. So in the month of July,  we are talking ALL about sex and intimacy. I’m kicking off the month with Dr. Joe Kort. Dr. Joe is a Licensed Sex and Relationship Therapist who is trained in Sex Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy (you know I love my Imago peeps!). Dr. Kort specializes in working with sexual dysfunction, relationship concerns, and with individuals identifying as LGBTQ and presenting issues. Something I see a lot in my work is when someone gets caught cheating, and then they claim to be a sex addict. One of the reasons I wanted to talk with Dr. Joe was to ask him, “What is a sex addict?”  Dr. Joe shares why he thinks there is no such thing as sex addiction and what he sees within his work instead. We also explore whether or not porn is a sexual health crisis, how to negotiate erotic differences, and maneuvering through a mixed-orientation relationship.  Some deep stuff here, folks! Show Highlights There is a difference between sex addiction therapy and sex therapy - not all therapists are created equal. (9:00) Why the term sex addiction boxes people in. (12:00) How to broach the subject of porn, open-relationships, and other vulnerable conversations about sex. (15:14) How erotic orientation differs from sexual orientation. (20:00)  Is porn a sexual health crisis? (23:22) Negotiating erotic differences with your partner and having erotic empathy. (34:09)  How you can recover from infidelity. (36:00) Learn More About Dr. Kort:Dr. Joe Kort is a Licensed Sex and Relationship Therapist. He is trained in Sex Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy. Dr. Kort specializes in working with sexual dysfunction, relationship concerns, and with individuals identifying as LGBTQ and presenting issues. He is the author of four books: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love, LGBTQ Clients in Therapy: Clinical Issues and Treatment Strategies, and Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men. Dr. Kort is a blogger for Psychology Today. He is also the Co-Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes’ LGBTQIA Affirmative Therapy Certification and the Couples and Sex Therapy Certification Programs. He works with Modern Sex Therapy Institutes to provide Certification trainings including Sex Therapy Certification and continuing education to mental health and medical professionals around the world. He also has a podcast, www.SmartSexSmartLove.com. His website is www.JoeKort.com  Resources & Links: Dr Kort’s websiteDr. Kort’s  on TwitterDr. Kort’s  on Facebook Kate on Dr. Joe’s Podcast The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group  
This week, Dr. Elizabeth Cohen and I discuss how to cope when your partner has an active addiction. Underneath everything you are going through, there is so much fear and a lack of belief in yourself.  Everything about a divorce is uncomfortable. Dr. Elizabeth Cohen helps people get a little more comfortable with something so painful. When you’re living with or divorcing a partner who has an active addiction, you may find yourself acting out different behaviors like the need to control every situation. You may become (or already be!) codependent, and you focus on their healing instead of your own. When you finally take the focus off of them and towards yourself you can begin to see light at the end of what may be a very dark tunnel. Show Highlights When women share themselves openly and honestly, the world begins to split open. (9:21) Focusing on your growth and healing is how we change the world — and our circumstances. (11:06) The issue with wanting to control a situation while being in denial about what the real problem is. (17:21) Sublimating your own needs for someone else. (23:00) Breaking the cycle of codependency. (24:15) The core issue about a person abusing any substance is the difficulty sitting with emotions. (34:41) A partner should never be responsible for healing the other. (38:36) Some advice for those who are living with an active addict. (47:33) Learn More About Dr. Cohen:Dr. Cohen is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce. This 14 week course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals and an engaged community of like-minded people.  Dr. Cohen received her PhD in clinical psychology from Boston University. She  was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her doctoral research. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal,  NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column.  Resources & Links: Dr. Cohen’s website Dr. Cohen on Instagram Facebook The Divorce Doctor- Elizabeth Cohen,PhD 14 Day Step-By-Step Guide To Make Any Tough Decision While Going Through Divorce  3 Steps to Take Right Now for A Stress Free Divorce  Our Happy Divorce Livestream, Drugs, Alcohol, and Divorce with Kate and Elizabeth The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
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Comments (2)

Trish Augustian

omg...this is EXACTLY how things went down for me. He didnt give 2 shits about me for years, but now that I filed he suddenly wants to fix things. Nope...not falling for it

Sep 21st
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Cindy Swank

Yes, my jaw dropped. I read about emotional, verbal, and mental abuse and never believed I was a victim. I took abuse classes as part of my Social Work degree and still did not admit to myself that I was a victim. This podcast has opened my eyes because of how you are talking about it. I didn't even listen to my family. He kept me from my family but not my friends. I was feeling terrible and he literally looked at me and said,"Quit looking me like you are an abused wife". I just kept thinking it was me and my own warped perspective.

Apr 14th
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