The Don't Buy Her Flowers Podcast

Steph chats with Rob and Josie da Bank about what it’s like to run a festival with your partner, and how they make it work alongside having four children. After 32 years together, and many festivals under their belts, they talk about the difficult bits, how they divide and conquer, and how helping people escape real life, screens and make some IRL memories is what drives them. With Camp Bestival around the corner, in Dorset and then Shropshire, Rob and Josie share what they’re excited about. Their book ‘Camp Bestival at Home’ is out now, giving readers a behind the scenes peak at Camp Bestival as well as recipes and activities to enjoy through the seasons, and thoughts on festivals from the likes of Fatboy Slim, Sara Cox and Sophie Ellis Bextor.This episode is sponsored by Kiddiwhizz, creator of the Whizzer, a portable loo for kids and adults. Use code DBHF for a 20% discount until the end of June www.kiddiwhizz.com Camp Bestival at Home book (and available in Don’t Buy Her Flowers packages)Camp Bestival InstagramRob da Bank’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feel like you do everything at home, or at least more than is your fair share? This one’s for you. Steph speaks with Eve Rodsky - Harvard-grad lawyer, activist and New York Times Bestselling author of Fair Play. Eve is working to change society one partnership at a time by coming up with a new 21st-century solution to an age-old problem: women shouldering 2/3 or more of the unpaid domestic work and childcare for their homes and families. Eve and Steph talk about the massive impact this has not only on relationships, with couples everywhere hissing and resentful while trying to navigate this, but also the workplace, the pay gap, and our mental and physical health. They also talk about what’s in it for men to get more involved, and how do you bring them to the table. Eve’s book Fair PlayFind out more about the Fair Play systemEve’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers This episode is sponsored by gift experience website The Indytute Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph talks with author, journalist and mental health campaigner Bryony Gordon about her new book Mad Woman, an account of her life and challenges over the last few years. With a live audience at Henley Literary Festival, in classic Bryony-style, she brings lots of energy, honesty and humour to the conversation, in which they discuss depression, OCD, Bulimia and Binge Eating Disorder, addiction and alcoholism and being perimenopausal and a woman in her 40s. Bryony’s InstagramMental Health MatesBuy Bryony’s book Mad WomanSteph’s InstagramSteph’s gift company Don’t Buy Her FlowersHenley Literary Festival Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph talks with Dr Kirren Schnack, Clinical Psychologist and author of Ten Times Calmer, a book with tools to help beat anxiety. The conversation starts by understanding what anxiety is, what happens when we’re anxious, what are the triggers and what is happening to our nervous system. They discuss the impact having children can have on anxiety, and with the festive season around the corner, they also talk about how to avoid Christmas anxiety.Steph and Kirren then chat about some of the basics for good mental health, plus Dr Kirren talks through some of the tools to help bring some calm.This episode is sponsored by The Indytute, handpicked experiences all tried and tested by another female founder, Calypso Rose. Use the code Steph10 for 10% off via www.indytute.com Ten Times Calmer: Beat Anxiety and Change Your Life by Dr Kirren SchnackKirren’s websiteKirren’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramDon’t Buy Her Flowers Christmas Gift Guide Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Recorded Live at the Henley Literary Festival, Steph interviews Louise Boyce AKA Mama Still Got It, Gill Sims and Clara Batten live from a Town Hall full of women out for a Friday night! Join them as they discuss the rollercoaster of motherhood - the first year of being a mum, identity, holidays with kids, the PTA, and Louise’s gross middle-of-the-night payback on her husband. Expect some swearing, some drinking and a touch of raucous. This episode is sponsored by Ancient + Brave, who create pure, potent and sustainable supplements, and are offering 20% off with the code DBHF20 Louise’s Instagram and book Gill’s Instagram, Facebook and book Clara’s Instagram, Tik Tok and bookSteph’s InstagramFor future Henley Literary Festival eventsDon’t Buy Her Flowers Christmas Gift Guide Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahead of the release of her new book, Clinical Psychologist Dr Karen Gurney returns to the DBHF podcast after her previous episode about sex in long term relationships became the most downloaded to date, resulting in at least two pregnancies (that we know of!) and Steph received hundreds of messages from women and couples that felt huge relief in what Karen said about desire in long term relationships. Now Karen, AKA The Sex Doctor, has written a book specifically for parents - How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life - out in April 2024. Steph and Karen talk about how tiredness, distraction, lack of time and the mental load affect sex lives, and Karen describes the ‘storm’ that children often bring to a relationship. They talk about the different impacts of new babies, primary school age kids and teens. Karen and Steph also discuss spontaneous vs responsive desire and the idea that it is normal to never feel spontaneous desire in a long term relationship. Karen also explains how key it is to understand the different role sex plays for individuals, communicating better about sex, and offers advice and practical ways to maintain (or bring back) sexual connection, particularly when there is no time.  Karen’s first episode on the DBHF podcast on Apple or Spotify Karen’s Instagram How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life, out in April 2024 and available to pre-order now Karen’s first book Mind the Gap  Eve Rodsky’s book FairPlay Darcy Lockman’s book All the rage: Mothers, Fathers and the myth of equal partnership Steph’s Instagram Thoughtful gifts www.dontbuyherflowers.com This episode is sponsored by Ancient + Brave, a new generation of sustainably sourced collagen, blends and supplements with targeted health benefits. Use the code DBHF20 for 20% off any product on their website  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph chats with broadcast LEGENDS Fi Glover and Jane Garvey about their move after thirty years (each!) from the BBC to Times Radio, where they host a radio show and the Off Air podcast.  Fi and Jane describe how they found juggling a broadcast career with small children, with Fi owning that hers ‘ground to a halt’ for a period, but that she now has a job she loves that may not have been where she’d have ended up without the career break. They discuss phones, teenagers, teenagers with phones, the impact of Perimenopause, Tweakments and what advice they’d give to their 35 year old selves. Most of all, they offer HOPE to women in the rush hour feeling overwhelmed - there is good stuff to come in the future.  Thank you to sponsors Ancient & Brave, a new generation of sustainably sourced collagen, blends and supplements. Listeners can get 20% off orders with the code DBHF20 on their websiteTimes Radio (Jane & Fi are on air 3-5pm, Monday to Thursday)Off Air Podcast with Fi and JaneJane & Fi’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we're looking back at a brilliant episode with Helen from January 2022...Steph talks with bestselling author, journalist and speaker Helen Russell about how and why so many of us try to bury sadness, and the harm that causes.After eight years of researching happiness, Helen realised that most of us desperately want to avoid sadness, but all the experts have said we can’t, so we need to work out how to be sad, better. Helen and Steph talk about grief, infertility, perfectionism, anorexia, men and sadness, and a whole lot in between. Helen’s websiteHelen’s InstagramSteph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph chats with brilliant comedian Kelly Convey about motherhood; it’s all very fresh for Kelly as she has had two babies with a fifteen month gap, her second still only seven months old. Steph and Kelly discuss those early months of motherhood, flashing the postman, feeling annoyed with your partner and navigating advice from others. Kelly talks about baby group blunders and making mum friends (or not!).  As a stand up, they discuss the pros and cons of Kelly being back onstage supporting Alan Carr three months after having a baby, trying to find balance between work and babies, and how she feels that becoming a mum has helped her comedy and connection with the audience. This episode is sponsored by HotTea Mama, makers of delicious, organic, award-winning, whole leaf teas specially designed to support women’s wellness. Get 20% off with the code DBHF20 at hotteamama.com Kelly’s TikTokKelly’s websiteKelly’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThe Don’t Buy Her Flowers updated Create a New Mum Gift Box Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph talks with writer and speaker Brigid Schulte about Overwhelm, where it comes from and what we can do to rally against it. Brigid brilliantly uses research and history to understand how we got here, and reassures that when it feels hard, it’s because it is. Brigid explains why women feel they don’t deserve free time, why we feel we have to ‘excel’ at motherhood and importantly, what all this pressure and juggling does to women’s physical and mental health, careers and relationships. They discuss how women find it difficult to live in the moment because of the volume of roles and responsibilities they’re juggling, how children coming along makes the imbalance even more difficult, and the societal expectations that impacts men and women trying to find a better balance. And Brigid offers some advice on how to turn down the volume on it all, and advises we all need to ‘let that shit go’ Brigid shares what she’s learned as a journalist at The Washington Post, author of ‘Overwhelmed’ (2014) and the Director of Better Life Lab at New America,  the work-family justice and gender equity program at New America, a nonpartisan think tank. Thank you to Naturalmat for sponsoring this episode, handmakers of organic beds and mattresses, and DBHF podcast listeners can get 15% off with the code DBHF15 Brigid’s book ‘Overwhelmed – How to work, love and play when noone has the time’.Brigid’s TwitterBetter Life Lab at New America Brigid’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThoughtful Gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jo Tutchener Sharp, Founder and CEO, tells Steph about how life-changing brain surgery led to her hugely successful purpose-led fashion brand Scamp & Dude. From childrenswear to now 95% womenswear, a shop in Marlow and two more opening this Summer 2023, Jo’s PR background and desire to ‘do better’ have combined to create powerful partnerships, charity work and donations, alongside much-loved clothing. Jo talks about setting up and then leaving her previous PR business, in a not ideal situation after her second child was born and then being told that she would need brain surgery. Jo tells Steph how that has fundamentally changed her and impacted her as owner at Scamp & Dude. They talk about the thrill of spotting Scamp & Dude in the wild, managing a team, working with her husband Rob, and how Jo copes (or sometimes doesn’t) with running a business and having a family. This episode is sponsored by HR consultancy HR Star, who want to reinvent the poor reputation of HR. Visit http://www.hr-star.co.uk/ for more information and quote DBHF for 10% off their People Strategy Session.  Scamp & Dude’s websiteJo’s InstagramScamp & Dude’s InstagramSteph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Psychotherapist Siobhán Murray talks with Steph about Burnout. Originally coined in the 1970s to describe an occupational phenomenon, recent decades have seen an increase in people experiencing burnout as we’re ‘nearly always switched on’. Siobhán and Steph talk about why this is, what makes women in the Rush Hour susceptible to burnout, and the signs and symptoms to identify it. Siobhan goes into ideas on how to manage burnout, and gives some detail on the tools that will help, which are explained in her book The Burnout Solution, a step-by-step 12 week plan. This episode is sponsored by HR consultancy HR Star, who want to reinvent the poor reputation of HR. Visit http://www.hr-star.co.uk/ for more information and quote DBHF for 10% off their People Strategy Session.  The Burnout Solution by Siobhán Murray Siobhan’s websiteSiobhan’s InstagramSteph’s Grazia article on The Rush HourSteph’s Instagram https://www.instagram.com/steph_dontbuyherflowers/?hl=en Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sarah Rossi and Steph talk about how Sarah’s online profile, where she’s known as ‘Taming Twins’, has rocketed in the last 12 months. She talks with Steph about her career so far, from starting a bakery that she loved, and recognising that she couldn’t scale the business because it relied on her being physically there too much. Sarah’s blog Taming Twins started out as a creative outlet to share about her life with twins, until she noticed that recipes she shared were getting more traction. Sarah talks about blogging for ten years, growing a steady following and then pausing after a book deal came along, when she asked herself and her followers ‘what do people actually want?’. Simply, the feedback told her what they wanted was help with dinner. What ingredients did they need? What could they cook that everyone would eat? And make it quick! Off the back of that renewed focus on her customer, Sarah’s following on insta alone is over 350k, she has written Sunday Times bestseller ‘What’s for Dinner?’, quick and easy fuss-free family meals, and has a second book out in September 2023. Sarah talks about her income, becoming very strategic with her use of SEO and display ads and not relying on sponsorship and avoiding having to flog something to her followers that they don’t want, now that she is clear on her mission that she wants to be useful to families and take the stress out of the question ‘What’s For Dinner?’. Sarah’s book What’s for Dinner? Preorder Book Two What’s for Dinner in One Pot?  Sarah’s Instagram and TikTok Sarah’s website Taming Twins for fuss-free recipes and meal plans Steph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph chats with businesswoman Alex Depledge for a Business Special episode of the podcast. Alex is undoubtedly a brilliant entrepreneur, having co-founded, grown and sold first business Hassle.com for €32m, before starting another tech platform – Resi.co.uk – the UK's largest and only nationwide residential architectural platform. Alex’s ‘thing’ is disrupting with a tech solution, and cutting deals, both of which she’s very good at. She appears to have no fear, has been involved with a number of bodies, boards and think tanks, and is passionately championing women in a male-dominated industry. Alex is incredibly straight-talking but doesn’t shy away from being vulnerable, about the challenges of being the boss, including the stress and emotion of leading a business through Covid, trying to balance work and family. Alex also says that she’s grateful for the burnout she went through at 27, because it taught her a lot early on that most people experience a bit later while also trying to manage a family and having greater responsibility to juggle. This episode is sponsored by HR consultancy HR Star, who want to reinvent the poor reputation of HR. Visit http://www.hr-star.co.uk/ for more information and quote DBHF for 10% off their People Strategy Session.  Resi.co.uk Alex talks about starting and selling Hassle.com on the Secret Leaders podcast Alex on Jimmy’s Jobs of the Future podcast Alex’s Instagram  Steph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Steph speaks with Illiyin Morrison and Sophie McCartney (AKA Tired and Tested) about those early days and months of motherhood, as part of the Lost For Words series. Rather than gloss over it, Sophie and Illy both have careers that centre on being reassuringly honest about motherhood, and in turn offering support to women who may be finding it tougher than expected. Illy trained as a midwife and now helps women debrief after birth, and Sophie is a comedian and bestselling author with a huge Instagram account sharing the trials (and hilarity) of motherhood. Illy and Sophie talk about the early days, their feelings of failure and guilt about not doing it ‘right’, whether that’s the birth, breastfeeding, or just being a mum. They talk about obsessing about sleep and feeding, sweaty weigh ins, baby groups and having babies at the same time as Kate Middleton. They also discuss comparison and expectation, and the impact babies can have on a relationship. This conversation will make new mums feel better, or if someone further down the line thinks they did a terrible job, it will let them know that none of us knew what we were doing. Thank you to Naturalmat for sponsoring this series, handmakers of organic beds and mattresses, and DBHF podcast listeners can get 15% off with the code DBHF15 Tired and Tested: The Wild Ride into Parenthood by Sophie McCartney The Birth Debrief by Illiyin Morrison (out 16th March 2023) Mother Hens by Sophie McCartney (out 30th March 2023) If you’re struggling with parenthood, try contacting Home-Start UK Illy’s Instagram Sophie’s Instagram Steph’s Instagram The NEW Create a New Mum Gift Box at Don’t Buy Her Flowers Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Each month, the DBHF podcast will speak with founders for a business episode, to find out how they’re doing it. The strapline for Alison Burton and Natalie Duvall’s business March Muses is ‘Celebrating Diversity by Diversifying Celebrations’. It begun from a search for Christmas decorations that represented the black community, and opened up a world of possibilities with the realisation that so many celebrations are lacking that representation. Steph talks with Alison and Natalie about how they started, their successful Dragon’s Den pitch that resulted in investment from Deborah Meaden and Peter Jones, and the impact 2020 had on their business with the murder of George Floyd, the BLM movement and the pandemic. They also explain how it feels when the swell of support subsides but the racism and need for support hasn’t gone away. As single mums who work full time as well as managing March Muses, Alison and Natalie talk about how they cope with the juggle and their hopes for the future of the business. This episode is sponsored by HR consultancy HR Star, who want to reinvent the poor reputation of HR. Visit http://www.hr-star.co.uk/ for more information and quote DBHF for 10% off their People Strategy Session.  March MusesWatch the Dragon’s Den pitchBlack Mums UpfrontShonda Rhimes ‘How do you do it all?’ speechMarch Muses InstagramSteph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Continuing the Lost For Words series, Steph speaks with Leanne Pero and Emma Campbell about Cancer. Both women have been diagnosed with breast cancer – Leanne is in remission and Emma continues with regular treatment after her third diagnosis in 2019. Both women are incredibly honest about their experience, struggles and the mental health impact. Sometimes the voices of cancer are either gloomy or exceptionally brave, but it is clear from this conversation that it is so much more nuanced. Leanne and Emma explain the imprint of fear that a cancer diagnosis leaves and the impact that will forever have on their lives but they also talk about hope and gratitude. The discussion includes social media, where there is an incredible cancer community that can be a huge support but how it can sometimes be a trigger that keeps someone in the ‘cancer world’, so they talk about boundaries. They also share their thoughts on how someone going through a cancer diagnosis and treatment can start to get their head around it, and the different things that might help them. Leanne talks about the stigma around cancer in the black community, that lead her to found Black Women Rising. Listen to Leanne on the Black Women Rising podcast with Leanne Emma’s advice on what to say to someone who has been diagnosed with Cancer Leanne on Emma’s podcast Open Emma’s Book All That Followed  Leanne’s InstagramEmma’s Instagram Steph’s Instagram The Stand Up To Cancer Care Package Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For the second episode of this Lost For Words series, Steph spoke with podcast hosts The Other Mothers AKA Caro Tasker, Elle Wright and Jen Reid, three women on a mission to talk about Baby Loss, pushing through the discomfort people feel, to better support those going through it.  Through their tragic experiences of baby loss, which include stillbirth, neonatal death and SIDS (formerly known as cot death), Caro, Elle and Jen explain to Steph how those early weeks felt. The ladies talk honestly about the impact on their identity, friendships and their relationship, and feelings of guilt. They also provide some really helpful advice on how to help someone going through baby loss and what to say, as well as what not to say or do.  All three women are involved in charity work, to do what they can to stop others having to go through the pain they have felt. Jen set up charity Teddy’s Wish with her husband Chris to fund potentially life-saving research into SIDS (formerly known as cot death), Neonatal death and Stillbirth and to provide bereavement support for grieving families. Teddy’s Wish and Don’t Buy Her Flowers created two Baby Loss Care Packages together. If you are going through any loss to stillbirth (from 24 weeks), neonatal death or SIDS in the past 6 months, they would love to send a package paid for by Teddy’s Wish and DBHF gives a donation for each package too. Email jennifer@teddyswish.org or if you want to send a Baby Loss Care Package to someone, visit here. Thank you to Naturalmat for sponsoring this series, handmakers of organic beds and mattresses, and DBHF podcast listeners can get 15% off with the code DBHF15 The Other Mothers podcast Elle’s first book Ask Me His Name and her second book of fertility and hope Bump in the Road Caro’s InstagramElle’s InstagramJen’s Teddy Wish InstagramSteph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This series of the Don’t Buy Her Flowers podcast is about those events that can leave people Lost For Words, kicking off with Cariad Lloyd talking about grief and death. Cariad is a comedian, actress and writer and the woman behind the award-winning and brilliant podcast Griefcast, where she speaks with guests about their own experience of grief. And rather than being depressing, it’s about life and relationships and love and even more, about opening up the conversation to try to remove shame and loneliness that people shouldn’t feel given death is the one thing that is guaranteed in life. Steph and Cariad talk about Cariad’s experience of her Dad dying when she was fifteen, and how it has impacted her life. Cariad offers up some brilliant advice on how to support someone grieving – what to do or say as well as what not to say. Steph and Cariad talk about the impact on identity when a loved one dies, the different ways people grieve and how we might better prepare for it, awarding a gold star to Steph’s Mum who has been filling out a book titled ‘I’m Dead, what next?’..  Cariad is also about to publish her book You Are Not Alone, out 19th January when it will also be available in DBHF gift boxes.  Thank you to Naturalmat for sponsoring this series. Naturalmat handmake organic beds and mattresses, and podcast listeners can get 15% off online or in their showrooms with the code DBHF15 Griefcast podcastCariad’s book You Are Not Alone (out 19th January 2023 or pre-order)Cariad’s book is available in Don’t Buy Her Flowers packages from 19th JanuaryCariad’s InstagramSteph’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Zoe Blaskey from The Motherkind Podcast joins with Steph and the Don’t Buy Her Flowers podcast for this end of year special! Steph and Zoe have each chosen three guests they spoke with on their own podcasts in 2022 to discuss and see what each other took from the guests. The conversation centres around motherhood, identity, relationships and sex. Zoe has chosen Psychologists Dr Rick Hanson and Dr Becky Kennedy, both experts in motherhood, family and relationships, who speak brilliantly about our standards and expectations, where they might have come from and how we can lower them. Steph chose Dr Karen Gurney AKA The Sex Doctor and Laura Danger, who is a facilitator of the Fair Play method and wants to help couples understand and better divide the mental load. And then both Steph and Zoe interviewed Matt Fray, author of This Is How Your Marriage Ends. Some really beefy topics and thought provoking conversations.And thank you for listening in 2022! Please rate, review and subscribe and we’ll be back with more in 2023.Zoe Blaskey InstagramZoe’s website and information on coachingSteph’s InstagramDr Rick Hanson’s episode with Zoe, Instagram and websiteDr Karen Gurney’s episode with Steph, Instagram and websiteDr Becky Kennedy’s, Instagram and book Good InsideLaura Danger AKA @thatdarnchat’s episode with Steph, Instagram and website Matt Fray’s Instagram and website. Matt’s episode with Steph and with Zoe Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.