The Estranged Heart

In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed explores how differences in language and definitions can hinder understanding in parent-adult child relationships. She emphasizes the importance of curiosity and exploring underlying experiences rather than getting stuck on labels and vocabulary. TAKEAWAYS- Labels often serve as conclusions that shut down dialogue- Understanding requires exploring the experiences behind words- Different generations and personal histories shape individual dictionaries- Curiosity can bridge gaps by asking what words mean to others- Moving from verdicts to experiences opens pathways for repairRESOURCES & SUPPORTFacebook Support Group (facilitated by Kreed) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupOne-on-One ServicesPrivate coachingConsultingMediation servicesConnect with Kreed:Website: theestrangedheart.comEmail: [email protected] the work: Buy Me a Coffee (donation platform)Disclaimer: Kreed Revere is not a licensed therapist. Nothing in this podcast should be considered or taken as therapy. If you need therapeutic support, please seek out a therapist near you.

In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed explores what happens when a seemingly small interaction between a parent and adult child suddenly carries the emotional weight of decades.Using a recent interaction with her own mother as a starting point, Kreed examines why adult children can become intensely reactive around their parents even after years of therapy and healing work and why parents may be pulled into old relational states at exactly the same time.This episode explores the difference between reacting to today's event and responding to the accumulated history of a relationship, how implicit and relational memory shape our reactions, why family roles can survive for decades, and why understanding a reaction does not automatically excuse the behavior that follows.Kreed also examines an important question for both sides of estrangement: Are we responding to the person standing in front of us today or to the person we remember them being?INSIGHTSWhy the sentence may be new while its meaning is decades oldHow the body can recognize an old relational pattern before conscious thought catches upWhy healing doesn't mean never being activated againThe difference between the past intruding on the present and the present actually repeating the pastWhy parents may see one incident while adult children experience an entire relational archiveHow parents can be pulled into younger relational states tooHow family roles such as "the difficult one," "the fragile one," or "the one who can handle it" survive into adulthoodHow curiosity about meaning creates more possibility for repair than arguing about wordsWhy adult children and parents both have responsibility for examining the old stories they carry about one anotherA central question from this episode:When an old family dance begins again, can you recognize the music soon enough to choose a different step?RESOURCES & SUPPORTFacebook Support Group (facilitated by Kreed) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupOne-on-One ServicesPrivate coachingConsultingMediation servicesConnect with Kreed:Website: theestrangedheart.comEmail: [email protected] the work: Buy Me a Coffee (donation platform)Disclaimer: Kreed Revere is not a licensed therapist. Nothing in this podcast should be considered or taken as therapy. If you need therapeutic support, please seek out a therapist near you.

In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed explores one of the most common and often most painful questions in complicated family relationships: Why can't you just let it go?After a recent conversation about the decades-long history between Kreed and her sibling Kreed examines why remembering and naming relational history isn't necessarily the same thing as holding a grudge.For someone who grew up cast as the “problem child,” being told in adulthood to stop rehashing the past can recreate the very family dynamic that caused harm in the first place: your reaction becomes the problem while the context behind your reaction disappears.Kreed also brings this conversation directly into parent–adult child estrangement. When an adult child continues talking about the past, are they refusing to move forward or are they trying to determine whether the relationship they're being invited back into actually understands what went wrong?And importantly, when does healthy processing become unhealthy rumination?Takeaways:Silence is not necessarily evidence of healing, and talking about the past is not necessarily evidence of being stuck.There is an important difference between processing the past and prosecuting the past.Healing doesn't require erasing relational history. The goal is integration: understanding what happened without allowing it to run the present.The wound doesn't have to disappear from your story. It just needs to stop running your story.RESOURCES & SUPPORTFacebook Support Group (facilitated by Kreed) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupOne-on-One ServicesPrivate coachingConsultingMediation servicesConnect with Kreed:Website: theestrangedheart.comEmail: [email protected] the work: Buy Me a Coffee (donation platform)Disclaimer: Kreed Revere is not a licensed therapist. Nothing in this podcast should be considered or taken as therapy. If you need therapeutic support, please seek out a therapist near you.

In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed shares a deeply moving letter originally published by Dr. Joshua Coleman, written by an estranged mother reflecting on her relationship with the mother who abandoned her and the daughter from whom she is now estranged.At the heart of the letter is a question that reaches far beyond estrangement: Can we tell the full truth about how someone hurt us without reducing that person to the harm they caused?This episode explores the difference between understanding and excusing, and what it means to hold accountability, impact, context, boundaries, and humanity at the same time.Why understanding is not exoneration and context does not erase impactHow curiosity can help us see the person behind the behavior without denying our own lived experienceWhy someone else's suffering does not have to be required for our suffering to be legitimateThe difference between accountability and reducing another person to a verdictHow multiple truths can coexist: You hurt me. You had your own wounds. Both matter.The difficult question at the center of the episode: Am I asking for a kind of humanity that I am unwilling to extend to someone else?RESOURCES & SUPPORTFacebook Support Group (facilitated by Kreed) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupOne-on-One ServicesPrivate coachingConsultingMediation servicesConnect with Kreed:Website: theestrangedheart.comEmail: [email protected] the work: Buy Me a Coffee (donation platform)Disclaimer: Kreed Revere is not a licensed therapist. Nothing in this podcast should be considered or taken as therapy. If you need therapeutic support, please seek out a therapist near you.

In this episode of The Estranged Heart podcast, Kreed explores the dynamics of shame in parent-child relationships, highlighting how shame can hinder genuine understanding and repair. This episode offers insights into recognizing shame-based communication and fostering healthier interactions.TakeawaysShame is often unintentional and can be rooted in fear and terror.The shift from behavior-based feedback to character judgments triggers shame.Shame activates protection responses like defensiveness and withdrawal.Effective communication requires distinguishing between feedback and verdicts.RESOURCES & SUPPORTFacebook Support Group (facilitated by Kreed) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangedmotherssupportgroupOne-on-One ServicesPrivate coachingConsultingMediation servicesConnect with Kreed:Website: theestrangedheart.comEmail: [email protected] the work: Buy Me a Coffee (donation platform)Disclaimer: Kreed Revere is not a licensed therapist. Nothing in this podcast should be considered or taken as therapy. If you need therapeutic support, please seek out a therapist near you.