The Frustration Factor

When we have an agitator in our group, it sooner or later starts driving most everyone else up the wall. Dealing with him or her requires some special grit. Please press play to consider.

I'm sure you have been in conversations that turn into arguments or are about to turn into an argument. The critical thing to know is that arguments that are even a little emotional seldom end well. No one wins and everyone ends up feeling worse about the other people who are involved. And what's more, no one changes his or her belief or opinion. … Please press play to listen.

At least consider the possibility. Please press play to listen.

Please press play to listen.

I can't agree with the technique but definitely grock the sentiment. Press play to listen.

Here's a tip for dealing with people who seem too unpleasant to bother with. Just press play.

You are invited. Enjoy!

You probably know that May is Introvert Month, starting this past May. It was about time, don't you think. It's not that we introverts minded being ignored since forever; it's just that we were frequently pressured to transform ourselves into extroverts. "Get out of your shell." "Join in." "Don't act so depressed." "Relax and have a little fun." "Come to the party." "Get over your shyness." Well, I hope all of that nonsense has been put to rest. We enjoy being introverts and have little to no interest in parties, social gatherings, drinking fountain gossip or just hanging out with friends and co-workers. Spending time by ourselves or maybe with one other person who does not pressure too much is our comfort zone, where life and living are at their best. We aren't asking extroverts to change and are simply asking that they don't pressure us to change either. If That's you I'm hearing with that "hurry, hurry, hurry" or "rush, rush, rush," I'm picking up on your pressure to get to the point. I'm okay with your extrovert impatience, but it's not going to get me to go any faster. I'm not totally immune to social pressure, but it sure doesn't get me to stop doing things in my own good time. Here's the thing. I have a recommendation. But before I get to the recommendation, I need to help you with perspective. Think about Friday. It doesn’t matter much what comes to mind for you. “Friday” is virtually guaranteed to prompt an immediate tumble of thoughts, images, and emotions from most everyone, especially the extroverts among us. To think Saturday or Sunday is nearly as quick-and-easy for extroverts as it is to think Friday. For them, Saturday and Sunday have their own spontaneous associations and clarity. All but the very young for whom any day is its own unique adventure and the permanently bummed out for whom life itself is a burden, to think “Saturday” or “Sunday” rocks, if only in comparison to the five alternatives. Of course, Saturday and Sunday also prompt happy thoughts for us extroverts, since there are usually fewer people demanding our attention. Think Monday or Wednesday? Definitely, at least once a week. I know, neither is up there with “Saturday” or even “Friday” or “Sunday” but Monday is when the week really starts and Wednesday, well, half-way has a little something going for it. Even if we are not particularly thrilled, Monday and Wednesday do both get our attention. I’m getting around to my point. Think of this as a Thursday sort of thing. “Thursday” is the day reserved for getting the week wrapped up. By Thursday, we have put things off about as long as we can, and we sure don’t want to waste a perfectly good Friday on anything important or necessary. Yep, Thursday is definitely crunch time; so think Thursday. Without Thursday, we might not ever get anything finished. That brings us to thinking about Tuesday and a serious problem. There is mostly nothing we could possibly think about Tuesday. It’s not the weekend. It’s not the start or the middle. It’s not a things have to get done day. There is no hurry since there is still plenty of the week left. If anything important ever happened on a Tuesday – and I doubt it -- it was just a coincidence. Tuesday is stuck in there with no point to it. Yes, I do know about Fat Tuesday. So what are your plans for next Fat Tuesday? – See, that’s my point. Tuesday may not be a complete cipher, but it does come close. No one ever makes special plans for a Tuesday, at least no one who inhabits my universe. That gets me around to my recommendation. Think about Tuesday. I think Tuesday and nothing comes to mind. It’s kind of sad as I ponder it. There is poor Tuesday with no unique identity or purpose, still having to show up, week after week after week. Wouldn’t you just hate that? There is Monday dragging its feet and Wednesday leaning toward the weekend and there you are stuck in between with nothing to do, and more to the point, no one cares.

Here’s the thing. Figuring out how to deal with it would be easier if I had an outline. I could just move from point to point, only needing to fill in the details as I proceed. Knowing what I was doing wouldn’t be necessary. I would always just be following the outline. I could easily convince myself that I was my own person, acting on my own initiative, but that outline would always be there. Once I figured out how to complete the current step, I would know in advance what the next step would be, and the one after that, and the one after that. Maybe not my plan, but I could feel like it was my plan. But what is the it in figuring out how to deal with it? Unfortunately, there is little difference whether it is life itself or the project I am working on today, whether it is how I spend my week or how to peel a banana. There is always an outline, a set of habitual steps or usual procedures. Most of the time and in most situations, I know what comes next. I need only follow the outline. Now and then, I come across a situation, circumstance or problem where knowing what to do or how to proceed aren't obvious. There appears not to be an outline. Nothing is telling me what's next. Here's the thing. When the situation, circumstance or problem passes – and they always eventually pass – I look back at what I did or didn't do, how I dealt with whatever was going on. From that perspective, I assess my actions or lack of action. I now see what wasn't apparent. I understand why I did or did not do this or that, what I could have or shouldn't have done. I am able to retrospectively recognize the outline I followed or perhaps the outline I should have followed. The outline was there for me had I been smart enough, clever enough or insightful enough to see it and then follow it. I'm not thinking that there is always a best way or right way to proceed. Even so, I do think that there are always better ways and worse ways, more correct and more incorrect ways to deal with things. Sometimes the outline is explicit, including specific step by step instructions; and sometimes it's little more than guidelines or implicit suggestions. Even so, the outline is there, encouraging me to follow along. … Here's the thing. Since the outline is always there either prospectively or retrospectively, seeing it doesn't seem like it should be such a hit and miss kind of thing for me. Even more confounding is thinking that I see the outline but learning later that the outline I picked was the wrong outline. I don't get it. A good or at least sufficient outline is always there, so why do I sometimes pick the wrong outline or skip over the outline thing altogether? I'm embarrassed to admit to how many times I have glanced at the instructions for one thing or another and tossed them aside or even worse, didn't even bother with a glance. Granted, that usually works out but sometimes things don't quite get the outcome I expect. More often than I want to admit, the outcome is far worse than I could have imagined. That happens with written instructions but also comes up when I don't listen to the directions or advice of people who should and do know better than I do. I just plough ahead. At other times, I know I don't know what to do or how to do things but decide to proceed anyway. I tell myself things like I'll fake it until I make it or perhaps convince myself that I can get away with making it up as I go along. Since I'm confessing, the truth is that I think I'm smart enough and clever enough to get away with just acting like I know what I'm doing. Here's the thing. There are times when the outline is not accessible and other times when the outline is accessible but suspect. The point is that outlines, instructions and advice aren't always reliable, and following them would be a mistake. Just because I know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to proceed doesn't mean that that is automatically the best way to go.

Are you serious about upping your leadership game? If so, spend fifteen minutes with this discussion. If not, the episode is not for you.

Let your imagination take you on a quiet summer walk as you meditate on all that is good and calm.

Are you interested in upping your interpersonal game? If so, try these 22 tips.

I’ve been keeping a secret for quite a while now, but long enough is long enough. It’s time to spill the beans, time to let the cat out of the bag. It’s tempting to take credit for the secret but I learned it from a guru. You may find that hard to believe and let me assure you I found it pretty unbelievable too. You don’t expect to ever come across a real live guru, or at least I didn’t. Even had I thought meeting a guru some day was a possibility, I certainly had not imagined the encounter happening while I was sitting alone at a picnic table in my neighborhood park. If you have a few minutes, I’ll tell you the story. …

I'll bet you are always ready for a few happy smiles. Give these a fling and see if they don't just do the trick for you.

Are you ready for a few little smiles? If so, try these short jokes.

Do you know about the connection between boredom and brilliance? If you rate yourself above average in the smarts department -- and you likely do -- you need to know about the connection. Have a listen.

It certainly comes as no surprise that fathers are important or that a special day has been set aside for remembering Dad. Sure, mothers got their day first; but the people in charge of designating special days finally got around to the obvious: Fathers deserve being honored too. The challenge is in knowing how to do that. Do you agree that Dad Rocks? If so, have a listen. If not, "sad" hardly gets at what it makes me feel for you. '

When people watching as meditation, the key is to focus on the ambience and stay inside the scene. Pick a small patio table toward the edge, sit back, focus and let your mind grock the gestalt. By the end of the twenty minutes, you will definitely be in the zone.

Let's talk some more about introverts. Earlier I told you about Introvert month. It was a big success. It's about time that extroverts quit getting all the attention simply because they spend so much time socializing and getting in other's faces. We introverts are here too, and doing just fine thank you. There are a couple of things everyone needs to be clear about. We introverts are neither bashful nor shy. …

(The notes and references omitted here are available for those of you who are interested at https://PersonalPointofView.net. With that stipulation out of the way, let's get started.) Abstract: Leadership is a product of the dark matter in the world of organizations. Like the dark matter in the cosmos, leadership is hypothesized to exist, although its existence can, for the most part, only be inferred from actual observable conditions, events, and circumstances that include successful conclusion of “leadership events.” Thus, leadership actualizes as a transactional event that occurs between the leader and his or her colleagues. Putting the point in a different frame, teams and team work are not just the best leadership strategy, they are the only leadership strategy available to us. …