The Gently Used Human with Dr. Scott Lyons

In this episode of The Gently Used Human Podcast, Dr. Scott Lyons sits down with Ann Weiser Cornell, a leading expert in the practice of focusing—a process for deep self-awareness and emotional healing developed by Eugene Gendlin. For over three decades, Ann has dedicated her work to helping people navigate their inner worlds, untangle stuck emotions, and create more compassionate relationships through her workshops, books, and courses. Ann is also the co-author of Untangling: How You Can Transform What’s Impossibly Stuck, a practical guide to breaking free from entrenched emotional patterns.In this conversation, Ann shares her wisdom on how we can become better listeners—not only to those around us but to ourselves. With simple, yet profoundly impactful techniques, Ann helps us understand the importance of presence, clarity, and listening as tools for emotional healing and connection. Whether you’re seeking to improve your relationships or find a deeper sense of self-compassion, this episode provides tangible tools to take with you. Tune in to this episode for a compassionate, insightful conversation that invites you to take a moment for yourself and explore the transformative power of listening!Topics We Break Down:The transformative power of deep listening and how it can heal relationships and ourselves.How to cultivate a “clear pool” within, so we can listen to others from a place of calm and openness.Focusing: The practice of listening to ourselves and how it helps untangle stuck emotions.Practical steps for becoming a better listener—both externally and internally.The role of language in facilitating meaningful, open dialogue.How to create a compassionate relationship with yourself by welcoming all parts of your experience, even those that feel shameful or uncomfortable.

In this episode of The Gently Used Human podcast, Dr. Scott Lyons sits down with psychotherapist and author Rachel Kaplan to explore her unique and powerful approach to emotional healing. Rachel is a psychotherapist, emotional educator, and host of the Healing Feeling Sht Show* podcast. She’s also the author of the amazing book Feel, Heal, and Let That Sht Go*, which introduces the concept of “emotional potty training” — and yes, it’s exactly as clever and transformative as it sounds. Rachel's method encourages us to reconnect with our feelings, process them in real time, and ultimately release the emotional backlog that so many of us have built up over the years. Rachel dives into the idea that just as we learned to manage our physical needs as children, we need to "train" ourselves to process emotions in a healthy way. With humor and a relatable perspective, she explains how most of us were taught to repress our emotions early on, leading to what she calls "emotional constipation." This buildup of unprocessed pain and feelings can manifest in our lives as stress, numbness, or even physical illness.Dr. Lyons shares his own experiences of struggling to fully feel emotions, resonating deeply with Rachel’s insights on how avoiding feelings leads to greater suffering. Together, they discuss practical tools for releasing emotions, including how to "schedule" emotional release and why it’s essential to be with our emotions, rather than intellectualizing or bypassing them.This conversation is filled with humor, wisdom, and practical guidance for anyone who feels emotionally stuck, numb, or overwhelmed. It’s about learning to move toward discomfort, release emotional baggage, and cultivate a deeper, more compassionate relationship with ourselves.This episode is perfect for anyone seeking more emotional balance and resilience, and it will leave you inspired to reconnect with the parts of yourself you may have hidden away for too long.Topics We Break DownHow decades of unprocessed emotions affect our physical and mental health, and how to begin releasing them.The importance of reintegrating the parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away and learning to let them express their pain.Dr. Lyons and Rachel explore why repressing emotions leads to greater suffering, and how facing them head-on can lead to lasting relief.How to schedule emotional release sessions, and techniques to allow emotions to move through the body naturally.Why healing isn’t just about trauma recovery, but about creating a sustainable relationship with your emotions so you can face life’s challenges with strength.

In this episode, Dr. Scott Lyons shares a conversation with Sabrina Zohar, a renowned relationship coach whose insights have transformed countless lives. Sabrina's personal journey, from navigating toxic dynamics to building healthy and authentic connections, is deeply inspiring. She candidly discusses how growing up in a dysfunctional environment led her to repeat the same cycles of toxic relationship patterns, but through relentless self-discovery, she has emerged as a voice of clarity in the dating world.The episode explores some of the most pressing questions surrounding dating and relationships: How can we navigate the complexities of modern dating without losing ourselves? How do we stop seeking validation from others and instead cultivate security within? And most importantly, how can we truly show up authentically in our relationships?Sabrina’s approach is both relatable and practical. Her vulnerability in sharing her personal hardships, including how hitting rock bottom became a catalyst for her growth, offers hope and actionable insights for anyone struggling with relationships. From setting healthy boundaries to understanding attachment dynamics, this episode is filled with tools that listeners can apply to their own lives.On a more personal note, this conversation prompted Dr. Lyons to reflect on his own journey, particularly the question: How do I want to show up in a relationship? Sabrina’s ability to navigate the complexities of connection while staying true to herself inspired him to reconsider how he shows up as a partner, friend, and human. The hope is that this discussion will encourage listeners to explore these same questions in their own lives.A quick note before we dive in: Sabrina speaks openly about her experiences with violence in her childhood. If this is a sensitive topic for you, please take care while listening or skip ahead as needed. Your well-being is always the priority.Topics We Break DownHow childhood experiences influence adult relationship patterns.The difference between attachment and connection.Setting healthy boundaries in relationships.How to navigate modern dating with clarity and self-respect.The role of vulnerability and authenticity in creating healthy, lasting relationships.

Have you ever felt like your own body was holding you back from reaching your full potential? Like the very nervous system that keeps you alive was also keeping you trapped in patterns of self-sabotage and limitation? What if the key to unlocking our full potential lies not just in our minds, but in the conscious nourishment of our nervous systemIn this episode, Dr Scott is joined by Mastin Kipp, a number one best-selling author, speaker, and Creator of Functional Life Coaching™. Recognized as a "thought leader for the next generation" by Oprah Winfrey, Mastin has dedicated his life to helping people create rapid change, connect to their true selves, and live with passion and purpose.Mastin's journey is a testament to the power of resilience and the ability to transform one's life, even in the face of adversity. From his early experiences in the music industry to his battles with addiction and his eventual transition into personal development, Mastin's path has been one of constant evolution and self-discovery.In this conversation, they’ll delve into the profound impact of prenatal experiences on our beliefs and behaviors, and how understanding the intricacies of trauma and the nervous system can be a catalyst for personal growth and healing. Mastin will share his insights on the importance of honesty, self-discovery, and the unconventional paths that often lead to the most significant breakthroughs. From the power of hyperbaric oxygen therapy to the importance of a balanced diet, Mastin will share his tried-and-true strategies for supporting healing and growth.Topics We Break DownThe importance of being honest about your credentials and how you can serve people.The biological mechanisms that are at play when it comes to trauma and the nervous system.Why safety is imperative in order for change to be cultivated in any transformational process.Some examples of therapeutic practices and processes that are working for people.Why trauma isn’t just about what happened but also about what happened after the trauma.Trauma responses and lived experiences as unconscious reflexes.Nervous system nutrition and how to nourish it to make better decisions under stress.

Episode Summary: In this special "Best of September" episode, we revisit the most impactful moments from our inspiring conversations with Marie Forleo, Mark Groves, Arielle Schwartz, and Damona Hoffman. Each of these incredible guests brings their unique insights into personal growth, relationships, healing, and empowerment. Whether you're navigating challenges, looking to deepen your connections, or on a journey of self-discovery, this episode is packed with wisdom and practical tools to help you along the way.What You'll Learn:Marie Forleo teaches us how to break free from excuses and start turning dreams into reality, even when time and resources feel scarce.Mark Groves dives deep into the complexities of love, revealing why relationships are often so challenging and how we can learn the skills needed to love better.Arielle Schwartz shares her personal journey through the non-linear process of healing, reminding us that true healing is about unconditional self-acceptance and returning home to ourselves.Damona Hoffman debunks the fairy tale myths about love and relationships, empowering us to redefine what love looks like on our own terms and take charge of our romantic lives.Key Takeaways:Practical steps to live an excuse-free life and make progress toward your dreams.How to build deeper, more meaningful relationships by confronting your fears and learning the art of love.Insights into the healing process, and how to approach it with self-compassion and patience.Why it’s essential to let go of societal myths about love and rewrite your own love story.If you enjoyed this "Best of September" episode, please subscribe, share it with your fellow Gently Used Humans, and leave us a review! Your support helps us reach more listeners on the journey toward growth and healing.

Dating is HARD. With so many choices at our fingertips, dating apps have become a double-edged sword, offering endless possibilities while simultaneously overwhelming us with options. Do we swipe based on a carefully curated list of desired traits, or do we let our intuition guide us, swiping right on that inexplicable spark of connection? In this ever-evolving landscape where the rules of engagement are constantly shifting, many of us are left feeling lost and uncertain. Thankfully, in this episode, Dr Scott is joined by the brilliant Damona Hoffman, dating expert and author, who knows how to make sense of the complexities of human connection. Damona is here to dispel the myths of dating, like the trap of looking for a soulmate or waiting for the right chemistry, offering us tools to help navigate the search for aligned values and lasting intimacy.In this conversation, they’ll explore the power of vulnerability and self-discovery in creating meaningful bonds, the importance of curiosity in building trust and what it really means for us to each build our own unique love story. They’ll dive into the four biggest dating myths that keep us stuck and learn how to flip the script, prioritizing goals, values, communication, and trust over fairytale fantasies.So, if you’re ready, let's swipe left on outdated dating myths and swipe right on genuine connection and self-discovery.Topics We Break Down: Debunking four harmful myths about dating and relationships, and exploring their antidotes. The paradox of choice - how choice impacts the way we interact and communicate.How to identify your values, and how to see if they align with your partner's.Why repair language (conflict resolution) is just as important as love language.Helpful strategies for building trust.Diving deeper into the myth of soulmates. 

We’re often told that the path to healing is a straight line from pain to wholeness but what if the journey to reclaiming ourselves is more intricate, more nuanced, and more beautifully complex than we've been led to believe? What if healing is not about reaching a destination, but about compassionately attending to the suffering that has shaped us, and courageously embracing the full spectrum of our human experience?Today, Dr Scott is joined by Dr. Arielle Schwartz , a clinical psychologist, yoga instructor, and pioneer in the field of resilience-informed therapy. With a deep understanding of trauma recovery, EMDR therapy, and somatic psychology, Dr. Schwartz has dedicated her career to helping individuals navigate the nonlinear path of healing, one that honors both the wounds and the innate resilience within us all.In this conversation, they’ll delve into the intricacies of the healing journey, exploring how trauma becomes encoded in our bodies and how attending to these experiences with mindfulness and self-compassion can lead to profound transformation. Together, Dr Scott and Arielle discuss the importance of creating a safe and accepting inner space, where all parts of ourselves are welcome, and how this radical self-acceptance is key to integrating the fragmented aspects of our being.But this isn't just about personal healing; it's about reclaiming our power, our agency, and our inherent wholeness. Dr. Schwartz will guide us through the process of taking self-responsibility for our lives, of owning our stories and our potential for growth and the emergence of new possibilities. They'll also explore the evolution of somatic psychology, the power of embodiment practices like yoga, and the importance of integrating science and spirituality in our understanding of the human experience. Tune in, as we remind ourselves about the extraordinary capacity for healing that lies within us all.Topics We Break Down:Differentiating between the concept of wholeness and the felt experience of homecoming.Cultivating unconditional self-acceptance as you show up for yourself.Defining the experiences that form the heart of trauma. How a resilience-informed approach enables you to see the bigger picture. The evolution of somatic therapy from catharsis to mindful attention and presence.Experiencing the spectrum of emotion that embodiment facilitates.Forging an embodied spiritual path. Healing by bringing buried parts into the present moment.

Have you ever felt afraid to embrace parts of your full, messy, multifaceted self? What would it look like to unapologetically own and express the totality of who you are? Or wondered how your life might transform if you gave yourself that radical permission?In this episode, Dr Scott is joined by the inimitable Marie Forleo, an entrepreneur, writer, philanthropist and unshakable optimist. From her early days bartending in New York to building a multimillion-dollar socially-conscious empire, Marie has defied convention and forged her own unique path by tuning into her inner voice.In this delightful conversation, Marie shares her hard-won wisdom on overcoming limiting beliefs, cultivating unshakable faith in ourselves, and finding the courage to pursue our dreams against all odds. She also reveals the transformative power of her mantra (and book title), Everything is Figureoutable, which has changed her life and empowered countless others.Together, Dr Scott and Marie dive into the importance of embracing our multi-passionate nature, giving ourselves permission to experiment and evolve, and trusting the journey even when the path ahead is uncertain. Marie will challenge us to question the excuses we make, to confront our deepest fears, and to take bold action in service of our highest potential.This episode is a loving kick in the pants and a compassionate embrace all in one. So grab a notebook, get ready to laugh, and let's get ready to figure it all out.Topics We Break Down:Forging a unique path by turning to your inner voice for wisdom.The power of movement to help you cultivate self-confidence.Tools of creation that you can rely on to access higher intelligence.Practical techniques to help you learn the language of your intuition.3 simple rules to help you apply the Figureoutable Philosophy and become unstoppable.Why you already have everything you need to achieve anything you desire.Advice from Mother Nature for when it feels like you’ve hit a plateau.How to use “fuck you fuel” to fire yourself up for success!

In the realm of human connection, few topics captivate us quite like love. It's a melting pot of desire, vulnerability, and the profound yearning to be truly seen and understood by another. Yet despite love's universal allure, the path to cultivating deeply fulfilling bonds is often obscured by unspoken expectations, unresolved patterns, and the echoes of past wounds.Mark Groves, a Human Connection Specialist and founder of Create the Love, joins Dr Scott to explore the complexities of connection – from the dizzying heights of passion to the depths of rupture and repair.Together, they dive into the paradigm of "liberated love" – a conscious and intentional approach to using our relationships as catalysts for personal growth and expanded freedom. They’ll examine how childhood experiences shape adult relational dynamics, the influence of societal narratives, and the transformative power of taking responsibility for our own evolution.With candor and vulnerability, Mark shares his own triumphs and struggles in navigating intimacy, offering a window into the art of active constructive responding, the significance of clear relational agreements, and the profound impact of unconditional love – a love that holds space for pain, loss, and the inevitable rifts that accompany any deep bond.Topics We Break Down:The paradox and art of loving and the fierce dedication to truth that defines liberated love.Distinguishing performative and authentic behavior by understanding the science of your body.Different ways to create space for a third, truer reality between you and a partner or friend.Understanding how responsive and spontaneous desire influence our relationships. Recognizing that everyone in a relationship is playing out their wounds. The possibility of loving someone and realizing your paths are not aligned.Delineating between compromise and self-abandonment. The role of intention in creating codependence. 

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that felt like a constant battle, where every disagreement escalated into a full-blown war? Or perhaps you've experienced the opposite, a partnership so secure and harmonious that it seemed to defy the odds? What if the key to creating a lasting, fulfilling relationship lies in this podcast?In this episode, Dr Scott is joined by Dr. Stan Tatkin, a pioneer in the field of couples therapy and the developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). With a deep understanding of attachment theory, neuroscience, and interpersonal neurobiology, Dr. Tatkin has dedicated his career to helping couples build secure, resilient relationships that withstand the test of time.Together, they delve into the intricate dance between our brains and our bonds, exploring how our early experiences shape our attachment styles and how those styles manifest in our adult relationships. They will uncover the neuroscientific underpinnings of secure functioning, discussing the importance of honesty, fairness, and mutual support in creating a strong partnership.But it's not just about theory; Dr. Tatkin will share practical strategies for finding an ideal partner, navigating differences, and tolerating the inevitable pain and discomfort that come with any long-term commitment. They will discuss the role of transparency, setting up guardrails, and creating a shared vision for the future – all essential elements in building a relationship that not only survives but thrives.Whether you're in a committed partnership, navigating the dating world, or simply seeking to understand the complexities of human connection, this episode promises to be a transformative exploration of the neuroscience behind secure relationships. Topics We Break Down: How couples are the only democratic union to come together without a shared vision.Why it's vital to build relationships on the same foundation, and how to go about it.Helpful tips for setting up guardrails in relationships. How to identify your ideal partner. The impermanence of attraction, and the difference between love and compatibility.Dissecting the roles of society and basic human nature in problematic relationships.How it's always possible to work through deficits and gain new relationship skills. 

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt small, invisible, or unable to fully express yourself? Where the weight of societal expectations or past traumas seemed to silence your voice and diminish your presence? In this episode Dr Scott is exploring the transformative power of reclaiming our space and amplifying our authentic selves with Eliza VanCort. Eliza is a multifaceted force – an author, facilitator, speaker, podcaster, and survivor. With a background in both performing arts and political science, she has become a renowned communication strategist and trainer, empowering others to stand tall in an often unnerving world. Her bestselling book, "A Woman's Guide to Claiming Space: Stand Tall. Raise Your Voice. Be Heard," is a transformative and intersectional tome that inspires women while enlightening men.Listen in, as Dr Scott and Eliza delve into the art of effective communication, the role of intuition and connection, and the profound impact of body language and vocal control. Eliza shares her personal journey of overcoming a devastating brain injury that compromised her ability to communicate, and how that experience fueled her passion for helping others find their voice.Together they explore the power of reclaiming suppressed parts of ourselves, the significance of accountability and repair in relationships, and the transformative nature of acting as a means to understand human behavior. Get ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery, embracing the courage to live life unapologetically, reclaim our souls, and expand our understanding of what it truly means to be human.Topics We Break Down: Key personality traits that contribute to effective communication.The role of body language and vocal control in communication.Barriers to communication and practical strategies to overcome them. Explore techniques to reclaim your communication power and space. Why you should never try to be someone else for the sake of others.Accountability as a pathway to repairing a fractured relationship.Learn how to prepare your emotions to be intentional in situations. 

In today's world, "trauma" has become a buzzword, but what does it truly mean to experience and heal from it? How do we navigate the complex journey of understanding our deepest wounds and finding a path to genuine recovery? And what if the key to breaking free from destructive patterns lies in understanding and appreciating the protective parts of ourselves?In this episode, Dr. Scott is joined by Dr. Frank Anderson, a world-renowned trauma expert, psychiatrist, and author of the memoir, "To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation." Frank's journey from enduring childhood trauma to becoming a leading voice in trauma healing is nothing short of inspiring.In this conversation, they’ll explore how slowing down and being present with our emotions can lead to genuine healing and how the next generation of trauma recovery will need to move beyond traditional therapy to include a collaborative and holistic approach. They discuss the repetitive patterns in relationships that stem from unresolved relational wounds and the critical inner work required to break free from these cycles, shedding light on how releasing anger and resentment can lead to self-compassion and personal growth.Listen in as they delve into the transformative power of understanding our inner selves and the journey towards true healing. Topics We Break Down:Bridging the worlds of humanity and academia Finding the elixir of eternal youth through the power of inner healing work. Listening to and appreciating the protective parts of ourselves to understand how they are trying to help us.What it might look like to heal trauma in connection with the person who created the harm.Finding self-forgiveness through the path of forgiving others. Breaking free of the habit of demonizing others Unpacking the idea of healing your inner child through self-awareness and self-connection.

In a world where traditional relationship structures are being challenged and redefined, the concept of polyamory has emerged as a topic of both curiosity and controversy. In this episode, Dr Scott delves into the intricacies of this multifaceted approach to love and intimacy with Jessica Fern, a psychotherapist, coach, and author of "Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Non-Monogamy."Jessica's expertise lies in guiding individuals, couples, and those in multiple-partner relationships to transcend the limitations of reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas. Through her work, she invites us to explore new possibilities in life and love, challenging the conventional norms that have long governed our understanding of relationships.Dr Scott and Jessica unpack the definition of polyamory and its place within the broader umbrella of consensual non-monogamy. They’ll confront the misconceptions and taboos surrounding this lifestyle, such as the belief that it is rooted in promiscuity or an inability to commit. Together they delve into the concept of erotic blueprints, a framework for understanding our unique desires and needs within the realm of intimacy. Jessica will guide us through the different styles of erotic blueprints, from energetic to kinky, and how understanding our own blueprint can enhance our connections and sexual satisfaction.Listen in as they embark on this thought-provoking journey, challenging societal norms and embracing the diversity of human connection. Whether you're curious about polyamory, seeking to deepen your understanding of intimacy, or simply open to exploring new perspectives, this episode promises to be an enlightening and transformative experience.Topics We Break Down: Understanding Polyamory and Ethical Nonmonogamy: Definitions and different styles of consensual nonmonogamy.Evolution of polyamory terminology and common misconceptions surrounding ethical nonmonogamy.Guidelines for setting up rules and agreements in polyamorous relationships, and recommendations for couples considering polyamory.Differentiating between romantic, emotional, and intimacy needs, and understanding how emotional needs drive relational needs.Signs of healthy monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, including the significance of self-care.Recognizing the difference between avoidance and attachment in relationships, and the concept of an erotic blueprint.Navigating parenting within polyamorous relationships and why relationship success should not be defined by longevity.

* This episode explores topics of violence, abuse, and other forms of trauma. If you have the strength to listen, please do so with care.Trauma is a universal experience that touches all of our lives in one way or another. Whether it's the shattering impact of violence or loss, the insidious effects of systemic oppression, or the lingering echoes of childhood adversity, trauma has the power to shape our lives in profound and often invisible ways. But what if the key to healing trauma lies not just in our minds, but in our bodies? What if the path to recovery is rooted in the very essence of our embodied existence?In this episode, Dr Scott is honored to be joined by Dr. Peter Levine, the pioneer of Somatic Experiencing® and the developer of a revolutionary approach to healing trauma. Known as the father of trauma therapy, Dr. Levine has dedicated his life's work to understanding the intricate dance between our minds, bodies, and the traumatic experiences that can become lodged within us.In this conversation, they’ll explore the evolution of our understanding of trauma over the past four decades, challenging the notion that it is merely a brain disorder. Dr. Levine will shed light on how trauma becomes encoded in the very fibers of our being, and how addressing it at a somatic level is crucial for true healing and resolution.Together they will delve into the power of embodiment, the importance of feeling safe in our bodies, and the gradual process of reconnecting with traumatic sensations. Dr. Levine will share his personal journey of healing, emphasizing the significance of being seen and held in relationships, and the transformative act of sharing one's trauma narrative.Listen in as Dr Scott and Dr Levine venture into the depths of the human experience, uncovering the profound wisdom of our bodies and the resilience that lies within us all. Whether you're a survivor seeking healing, a practitioner in the field, or simply someone who wishes to deepen their understanding of trauma, this conversation promises to be a powerful and enlightening exploration of the path to wholeness.To avoid Dr. Levine’s account of sexual assault, please skip the audio between [28:23] and [29:30].Topics We Break Down: Dr. Peter Levine defines trauma and explains how it’s evolved in the past three decades. How somatic trauma healing didn’t exist before Dr. Levine’s research. The way trauma is held in the body and distinguishing trauma from stress.Understanding the value of an empathetic presence in your life after a traumatic event. Semantics: the struggles of bringing a new medical solution into the mainstream. Exploring the concept of being and doing enough and why this is always possible. 

Have you ever felt like the weight of your circumstances was holding you back from reaching your full potential? Like trauma or the negative beliefs instilled in you from a young age were shackling you to a life of limitation? In this episode, Dr Scott is joined by Nicole Walters, a force to be reckoned with in the world of entrepreneurship and personal empowerment. Nicole's journey is a testament to the power of resilience and the ability to rewrite one's story. From growing up in poverty to building a multi-million dollar business empire, she has defied the odds and shattered the glass ceilings that once seemed impenetrable. Nicole shares her inspiring tale, shedding light on the trauma of poverty and the messages it can send about self-worth.But this conversation goes beyond just her personal triumphs. Together they will delve into the lies we tell ourselves to compensate for negative beliefs, the impact of childhood experiences, and the pressure of the hustle culture. Nicole will share her unique perspective on finding peace, defining success on her own terms, and the importance of taking bold action and reframing negative thoughts.Get ready to be inspired, challenged, and empowered as we explore the depths of self-belief, the power of calculated risks, and the art of setting boundaries. Whether you're an aspiring entrepreneur, a seasoned professional, or simply someone seeking to unleash their full potential, this episode promises to be a transformative journey into the heart of what it means to own your power.Topics We Break Down:Why collapse can be a totally valid stress response.Finding peace beyond the harm of narcissistic abuse. What it takes to maintain the image of success and intelligence in the world.Applying statistics and math to create confidence.Three bold moves in one power hour.Why failure to grow is just as dangerous as failure to launch.The incredible value of knowing your strengths.Embodying freedom and understanding that it is your birthright.