Claim OwnershipThe Hero With 1,000 Rockin' Faces: The Epic of Failgamesh
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© (c)2014 The Missing Teens
Description
BY THE POWER OF THE CRYSTALS!!!
He who has seen everything, I will make known to the lands.
I will teach about him who experienced all things
...alike
Awesome Failgamesh!
Look upon the bike lanes – did Failgamesh not widen these lanes?
Open up the … lock of bronze
Take and read out from the platinum tablet
How Failgamesh went through every hardship.
Featuring the ancient MP3s which are believed to have accompanied the original Epic.
He who has seen everything, I will make known to the lands.
I will teach about him who experienced all things
...alike
Awesome Failgamesh!
Look upon the bike lanes – did Failgamesh not widen these lanes?
Open up the … lock of bronze
Take and read out from the platinum tablet
How Failgamesh went through every hardship.
Featuring the ancient MP3s which are believed to have accompanied the original Epic.
13 Episodes
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In which Failgamesh encounters the pale people, who hold a terrible secret, and frees them. The original tablet was discovered and translated by Englebert Mengele of the North Chicago Institute for Fretting Over Uncontrollable Events and Nervously Checking Your Phone.
In which Failgamesh meets the bartender Siri, who warns him about the madness of his quest but in the end gives him directions for his search for immortality. This tablet translated by Diamond Leonards of the Yale Institute of I Can't Feel My Skin and Who Left The Toilet Seat Up Again.
In which Failgamesh sets out to meet with Dudemanpishtim and achieve the secrets of immortality, meeting along the way the deadly Scorpionmen who guard Mount Smashu. This tablet first translated by Reginald Donchuwantit of the Kent School of Talking About How Big Your Dick Is and Napping.
In which Failgamesh mourns the tragic loss of his biffle, Friendkidu. Tablet X was first translated in 1889 by Sir William Shithead-Finglebingle of the Cambridge Institute of Touching Yourself and Eating Reheated Pizza. We are grateful as always for the reading of our anonymous British stage actor.
In which in the Gods afflict valiant Friendkidu. Tablet IX was translated by Super Mario Krugman of the New York Institute for Getta Loada This Guy and Disappointment. As always, we are grateful for the reading of our anonymous British stage actor.
In which Failgamesh spurns the sex goddess Kissar. Tablet VIII was translated by Pashmina Dietrich of the Vienna Medical School of Don't Stop Don't Stop More Yes Oh God and Networking. As always, we are grateful for the reading of our anonymous British stage actor.
In which Failgamesh and Friendkidu confront the monster SoundMan. Tablet VII was discovered in a cornfield by Evan Silver of Dungville, Illinois. It was the first discovery of a Mississippi Culture tablet of the Failgamesh myth. As always, we are grateful for the reading of our anonymous British stage actor.
In which Failgamesh and Friendkidu travel to confront the monster SoundMan, and Failgamesh is confronted with a series of ominous dreams. Tablet VI was pieced together over the course of thirty painstaking years by Hideyoski Tobiko of the Kyoto School of Damn, That Feels Good and Ping-Pong Technical Studies. As always, we are grateful for the reading of our anonymous British stage actor.
In which Failgamesh and Friendkidu swear a vow to confront the monter SoundMan. All text based on the original Urdu-Semetic and Akkadian transcriptions as translated here by Tim Handkerchief of the Institute for Running Late and Sweating of Chicago. We are grateful for the reading ofbyur anonymous British stage actor, especially in light of the tragic situation in Gaza.
In which Failgamesh meets the wild man Friendkidu, and they fight over the honor of Princess Mandy. All text based on the original Urdu-Semetic and Akkadian transcriptions as translated here by Professor-General Wang Xiaping, of the Nanjing Center of Archaeology and Fuck, Where Are My Car Keys. We are grateful for the reading of our anonymous British stage actor.
In which the wild man Friendkidu is tamed by the harlot Josie. All text based on the original Urdu-Semetic and Akkadian transcriptions as translated here by Friederich Haupmann of the Schlimmer Institute for Crystals Worship and Fucking of Munich. We are grateful for the reading ofbyur anonymous British stage actor.
In which we meet the wild man Friendkidu. All text based on the original Urdu-Semetic and Akkadian transcriptions as translated here by Señor Ferdinand Persecutora, of the Seville Institute of Drinking to Excess and Crying. We are grateful for the reading ofbyur anonymous British stage actor.
In which the tragic hero Failgamesh is introduced, along with the city of New Uruk. All text based on the original Urdu-Semetic and Akkadian transcriptions uncovered by Sir William Piddlywinks. We are grateful for the reading of our anonymous British stage actor.
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