The JOY Community Podcast

Taunja Fischer and Chad Mierau discuss what it is like to accept extreme grief and sadness for exactly what it is. How to forgive yourself and forgive those who have caused you pain, is actually the catalyst for healing. Chad lost his sister and her entire family to a drunk driving accident. Watch to find out how Chad is able to work through the sadness brought on by this tragedy as well as transform this grief into coaching and mentoring others that are going through challenging times. Get your copy of Chad's AMAZING and powerful book, Surviving the Crashhttps://survivingthecrash.co/order-now/Check out Chad's website: https://survivingthecrash.co/Join the Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/survivingthecrash

Here's 3 easy ways to put joy back in your life today. Try it right now and let us know how it goes. We love to hear how you discover JOY.

In this episode of The Just One You (JOY) Community Podcast, Taunja Fischer sits down to chat with Eva Jane Cardenas about what it was like to come to terms with the fact that the man she loved was not only toxic, but exhibiting classic traits of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.Lean how Eva was able to heal from this relationship through setting boundaries, abiding by them, and deep-diving into activities that bring her a sense of peace, and above all– JOY!Find Eva on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ejcardenasSubscribe and share for more JOY!Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joy_justoneyouFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/joy.justoneyouTwitter: https://twitter.com/joy_justoneyouWebsite: https://joy.community

Hello and Welcome to The JOY Community Podcast!I’m obsessed with discovering what brings JOY to humans when faced with life’s many challenges. My first series on the JOY Community podcast is my personal quest for JOY after life with a narcissist.So far we've talked about...Episode 1 - Spotting a NarcissistEpisode 2 - Becoming a NarcissistEpisode 3 - Dating a NarcissistNow we discuss ESCAPING a NARCISSIST - You've decided to leave, but HOW?Mentally Prepare YourselfThis will be difficult but never impossible, even if it feels like it. Remember the narcissist is going to try to keep their supply (you) and you need to mentally prepare as much as dealing with important details which protect yourself and your children if you have them.Find time to work on your preparations privately.You have to check out of the relationship. See it for what it really is - abusive, controlling, manipulative. The charm and love bombing are all part of their game. Don’t let it pull you back in.You deserve so much better and you will have it, but first you have to get away from this toxicity.Be prepared for their response to be dramatic. When you leave, you are stealing what they thrive on - your attention, your money, your adoration that they are too amazing to ever leave.You leaving starves them and their hunger will drive them to come at you with whatever they think will pull you back (you’ll hear this called “hoovering”)Checklist:1. Get a support group in place... a. Therapist or Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)b. Friends or Family (which may require you rebuilding, but I promise you they are there for you, say sorry, I need help)2. Work on your self-esteem and nurture yourself. You ARE that person you think you lost. Find him/her again.3. Learn to set boundaries and be assertive4. Emotionally detach - meditate, journal your feelings5. Make a list of all the bad things you’ve experienced with themPrepare LogisticsMost importantly ensure you have a safe place to go and live away from the narcissist. If they live in your home, you may need to take extreme precautions including a restraining order. At the very least, change the locks and perhaps set up security cameras as soon as you ask them to leave.If you are moving out, set everything up before you leave and do not tell them where you are going. If you have children set up visitations in neutral locations. Include this in the divorce documentation.Checklist:1. Safe home2. Income3. Support system4. Attorney5. New bank account6. Block narcissist on all social platforms or close your accounts for now7. Change passwords8. Choose the right fights in the divorce - some of it is not worth it. Keep the primary goal in focus - FREEDOMAfter all your preparations are in order and you’ve kept all of these private (do not tell them anything, do not act out of the ordinary)LEAVE! Or ask them to get out. Perhaps you’ve even packed all their things and put them in a moving truck while they were at work and changed the locks… good one.DO NOT ENGAGE! DO NOT COMMUNICATE IN ANY WAY!Stay focused on the mental preparations you’ve been working on.Go to your support systems.Refer to your list of bad things they did.Put that energy into something good for you, good for your children, good for your community.Thanks for Listening!I hope I brought you insights, food for thought, and most importantly - JOY!I wish you much JOY… 

Am I in a Relationship with a Narcissist?This is VERY important to understand…It is very likely that you cannot see the narcissist for you who they really are, especially if you are in a romantic relationship with them. Let me tell you why.The narcissist started manipulating you the day you met.They want something from you. Could be any number of things like money, social status, clout, higher profile, someone more attractive, someone who gives them more admiration.Then they figured out what you wanted and handed it to you on a silver platter to get what they want.Perhaps the whole beginning of your relationship felt like a dream - it was very easy to fall in love, they were your fantasy partner, someone you’ve been looking for all your life. They made it easy. They wanted to be your “look no further” partner because…. They want something from you.The narcissist may have pulled you away from everything and everyone you once knew that made sense to you - could be friends, family, job, where you live, your routines / way of life.You may be feeling disconnected, like you’re in some kind of fog, like you don’t remember what used to be your reality.They do this to maintain control - of you and the fantasy world they live in and brought you into.These are all possibilities.You didn’t know what was happening and You are not to blame for not seeing it.A narcissist is very very good at what they do.Constant Attention & Admiration RequiredThe narcissist needs you to be their cheerleader - showering them with compliments & accolades ALL THE TIMEYour attention cannot be elsewhere - not on yourself, your friends, your family.And they will manipulate you to get more of your attention, e.g. The narcissist has  a genius  idea, project, whatever they can do better than anyone else (superiority over others often accompanied by lies about doing it in the past)They share it with you. You MUST respond positively - they are seeking your approval - it IS the greatest thing ever.And if you don’t… You will get an Extreme Sensitivity to Criticism of any kind (even a tiny question about it) It’s suddenly you’re against them, you’re too stupid to get it, you’re judging them AND there’s a reason why it failed - someone else is to blame, never the narcissist.Nothing but the BestThe narcissist lives in their dysfunctional fantasy world of the best of everything.And they want your support of this fantasy - financially, emotionally, mentally.They will lash out or rationalize any attempt to dissuade them from living in their fantasy.You may find yourself going along with it to avoid them becoming angry or dismissive.“Don’t you want to look pretty?” (SETUP)“I don’t want to spend $700” (Criticism)“You don’t understand fashion.” (DISMISSED + ABUSE)Everything is Them - Lack of EmpathyWith all this attention on them, their dismissal of your opinion and feelings, you are experiencing their total lack of empathy.They cannot and will not put themselves in someone else’s shoes. It’s not possible when everything is about them.Someone else’s feelings and life are in the way of them getting the attention. So they bring it back to themselves. They become a victim of something so attention comes back.The Next VictimThere is always room in the narcissist’s life for another victim.In fact, they thrive on it - more people admiring them, giving them something they need.Do not be surprised if you catch a narcissist cheating on you or disappearing.They will always have their sights set on what they want/need and will quickly jump to another victim to get it. I hope I brought you insights, food for thought, and most importantly - JOY!Thank you for listening. I wish you much JOY.

How Does a Narcissist Become a Narcissist? A Personality Disorder is a deeply ingrained pattern of behavior that deviates markedly from the norms of generally accepted behavior. These patterns can begin as early as age 8 when children start to realize responses from others. Typically by late teens to early adulthood the pattern is ingrained & diagnosis is possible.Factors involved:Inherited GeneticsCultural Environment (Western)Parenting & Home EnvironmentEarly evidence supports the brain plays a role in narcissism and can be passed down to next generations. In brain scans of people with narcissistic traits, researchers have discovered less volume of gray matter in the insular and prefrontal areas. This is where empathy, emotional regulation, compassion and cognitive functioning occur.Our Western Culture has been increasingly breeding narcissism according to authors as far back as the 1970’s. Time magazine published an article in May 2013 titled “The Me Me Me Generation - Millennials are lazy, entitled narcissists who still live with their parents” discussing the rise of narcissism due to Baby Boomers’ parenting, technology, and social media, among other factors. Not surprisingly, parenting and home environment weigh heavily in creating a narcissist. The Baby Boomer “Me generation” parents:Gave excessive adorationOvervalued their kidsWere lenient disciplinarians Awarded children for everything (remember awards for showing up and trying?)Which resulted in children feeling entitled and expecting similar treatment outside of their parental home. These ingrained patterns of expectations rank on the narcissistic spectrum.The reverse of this is the abusive, negative upbringing where children are exposed to:Excessive criticismChild abuse or neglectInconsistent parental careUnrealistic expectationsManipulative parents (e.g. they are themselves narcissists)Children in these environments do not establish emotionally mature and stable identities, self-esteem and feelings of compassion for others. They continuously seek external validation.** PERSONAL IMPACT **Learning about my husband’s childhood brought forth my own empathy towards him which he in turn used to manipulate me to give more and more of myself and my assets. I believed it was my responsibility and commitment to take care of my husband so I did and it cost me everything. I lacked the ability to set boundaries with him. I didn’t believe it was my place to set those boundaries. I was supposed to support my husband no matter what. How wrong I was. I’ve since learned the value of boundaries and the JOY that comes from setting them!

Hello and Welcome to The JOY Community Podcast!I’m your host, Taunja Fischer, and I’m obsessed with discovering what brings JOY to humans when faced with life’s many challenges. My first series on the JOY Community podcast is my personal quest for JOY after life with a narcissist.Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is 1 of 10 recognized personality disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) published by the American psychiatric association.The DSM claims that NPD is rare, affecting only 1% of the population while some claim that it may affect up to 5 to 6% of the population. One of the main issues behind this statistic is the fact that a narcissist does not by nature accept they have a problem and would therefore not pursue diagnosis or treatment. In other words, they’re not being counted. Narcissism lies on a spectrum from mild signs of some traits all the way to extreme signs of all traits. A professional diagnosis  of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is someone on the very high end of this spectrum (the 1%). The nine most common traits for NPD include:1. Having an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement. 2. Needing constant admiration. 3. Expecting special treatment. 4. Exaggerating achievements and talents. 5. Reacting negatively to criticism. 6. Being preoccupied with fantasies about power, success, and beauty. 7. Taking advantage of others. 8. Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others. 9. Behaving in an arrogant manner.  I hope I brought you insights, food for thought, and most importantly - JOY!Thank you for listening. 8)==============================================================Music:Trust Me (instrumental) by RYYZN https://soundcloud.com/ryyznCreative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0Free Download / Stream: https://bit.ly/trust-me-instrumentalMusic promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/KZoaU3rjIZo