A chief officer had known for years he was an over talker. His CEO, desperate for improvement, gave him a coach. This episode highlights their first coaching conversation. Two mindsets from this episode:When you speak, have a destination in mind. Ask yourself: “What is my point exactly?” and “Why is this something they need to know?”Pay attention to your listeners. Respond to their interests.Ask yourself: “Does what I’m talking about right now help us get to the destination?” If not...
A vice-president gets kudos for likability but knocks for her inability to listen. With her coach, she talks about listening repeatedly. This episode features one of those conversations. The 3 listening mindsets:Listen to learnFeelings are naturalStay separateDownload the free multi-page learning tool about listening here. This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive:Communication SkillsManaging YourselfRelationship BuildingFive episodes you might listen to are:...
Battling perfectionism and anxiety, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a tool that helps her tame her terrors. This episode dovetails with many ideas in last month’s episode about Coaching versus Therapy.Tom talks about his own bout with anxiety and a near career-ending attack of nervousness in this episode from April. https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/mastering-nerves/Pixar’s Inside Out 2 has a powerful depiction of a 13-year-old girl suffering a full-blown anxiety attack....
Tired of feeling like a fraud, a leader searches for help down different paths. She and her coach talk about how coaching is, and is not, like therapy.The leader in this episode wrestles with feelings of being a fraud. Tom talks about three resources to help manage that feeling:“The Executive Impostor” Episode #176 of “The Look & Sound of Leadership”Self-Esteem at Work by Nathaniel Branden & Warren BennisThe Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire ShipmanAdditional tools to supp...
A leader and her coach discuss a three-step model for turning upward feedback into a learning conversation that might allow the boss to hear the message. This month’s coaching conversation explores whether feedback should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver the feedback effectively? Download the free “Giving Upward Feedback” PDF.In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the Marshmallow Test being debunked. Here’s the column he mentions.This episode...
Knowing she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals, an ambitious leader asks her coach what a good networking conversation actually sounds like.Resources for Building Your Networking SkillsLeverage the latest algorithm on LinkedIn with this research report.Coaching For Leaders podcast: “How to Grow Your Professional Network”Coaching For Leaders podcast: “Executive Presence with Your Elevator Speech”10 Rules for NetworkingLink to 10 Rules of Networking PDF in Essential Tools binSorting...
An ambitious leader knows she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals. But, to her, networking feels slimy, so she asks her coach for help. Some core concepts from this episode:The purpose of networking is to know people.Don’t target people. Nurture a relationship.Make networking 5% of your job every week.Networking makes you a more valuable employee.Show interest in the other person. No monologuing about yourself.Listen to Tom’s “Flow” and “Fall” stories on the Coaching Stories p...
Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned. Tom’s Top Three Ideas for Mastering Nerves:Celebrate Incremental ImprovementWrite Happy EndingsIgnore Your NervesHere is the clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkN0sPQ76E0Email Tom and tell him he’s crazy here.For Coaches! 2 Resources!1. Coaching Stories Podcast2. Executive Coaching Special I...
Angry at himself for continually putting others’ needs before his own, a leader turns to his coach for tools. He learns a new way to think and a behavior to try. Be in touch with Tom here.Listen to Tom’s conversations with Neha on “Bridge to Leadership” podcast here and here.Our Essential Tools bin has free resources to help you build your look and sound of leadership. G.W. Bailey’s imdb page is here.This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories:For WomenManagi...
A vice president, struggling to control his team of artists, learns a technique for managing bad behavior from his coach. He likes it so much, he uses it with his high performers, too.The tool described in this episode is simple to understand but may take a bit of courage to implement.Courage can be taught. Brené Brown created her Dare to Lead course for exactly that purpose. Ready to build your courage? Reach out to us here. Find more resources to build your skills in the podcast archive. Se...
A leader is so furious with his self-absorbed boss, he considers quitting the company. He asks his coach to help him manage himself and defuse his triggers.In addition to the five strategies Tom talks about in this episode, there are lots more strategies in his conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching For Leaders “How to Deal with a Boss Who’s a Jerk.” Tom’s wide-ranging conversation with Josh Dittmer can be found here.Free tools to support your professional development are in our E...
Tired of losing to more savvy players, a leader seeks to decode the secrets of playing politics, focusing particularly on company culture. Download our free Political Style Chart here.“The Secret Handshake” is a great tool for mastering workplace politics. Looking for a transcript of the show? Read it here.More tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories:For WomenPerception – how you perceive othersRelationship BuildingHere are five episodes to help develop you...
A leader feels stuck. She sees others winning resources she felt should have been hers, but she hates playing politics. What to do? Download our free Political Style Chart here.“The Secret Handshake” is a great tool for mastering workplace politics. Many more tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories:Self-TalkLeadershipFor WomenHere are five episodes to help develop your political savvy:187 - Agreeable Disagreement215 - How to Stay Calm Under Fire192 - Pursuin...
A leader, surrounded by people she knows and trusts, can’t seem to get traction with them. In conversation with her coach, she discovers an unexpected cause.Tools for teams abound in this episode. The four tools Tom suggests as first steps for helping your team openly discuss ideas are:Say ‘thank you’ when people offer an idea;Be curious; don’t dismiss ideas or people;Don’t take differences personally; it’s not about you;Develop your comfort with disagreement.The Gradients of Agreement t...
A co-founder, at odds with his partner (also his best friend!), reaches out to his coach for help saving the business and the friendship. The episode introduces The Conflict Resolution Wheel. Download it for free from our Essential Tools bin along with other communication tools like the Feeling Words Grid.The Wheel is based on a tool in the Couple Communication course, a program to help you understand and connect with your partner better.The course’s workbook, Talking and Listening Toget...
A senior leader, having risen through the ranks, ends her coaching engagement by comparing notes with her coach about the skills that have helped her most. This episode identified seven essential leadership skills:Conquer catastrophic thinking;Use fewer words;Value relationships as highly as results;Don’t take anything personally;Commitment to Development;Reflection;Speak for Yourself.Resources to develop those last three:Commitment to DevelopmentThe Executive Executive – an episode with...
At the end of her rope, a leader asks her coach for help managing a direct report who, she says, is the most defensive person she’s ever met. This episode was packed with tools. We’ve put them into an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here. Kim Scott, the best-selling author of the electric book Radical Candor, wrote a short, friendly guide with tools for handling defensive employees. Find it here.Harvard Business Review’s Amy Gallo talked with Dave Stachowiak on ...
During her first C-suite years, a leader burned a lot of bridges. Her boss, who’d traveled a similar path, gets her a coach and sets only one goal: repair relations through emotional intelligence.Lots and lots of tools and resources this month:Free downloads:The Feeling Words GridEQ ModelBooks and papers to sharpen your skills“Executive Presence: The Missing Link between Merit and Success” “The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success”“Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art...
A highly effective leader finds herself in the middle of a terrible mess, not of her own making. When her coach marvels at her ability to stay calm amidst the chaos, she shares a lesson she learned from her dad.In addition to the tools discussed during this episode, Tom also talks about:“Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.”Conversations with Coaches – Episode #184Executive Coaching Special Interest GroupThe Feeling Word GridThis episode is tagged in three categories...
Wanting to command rooms with her voice, a team leader turned to her coach for exercises. She learned the secrets of “RVP.”In this episode, five practices to help you develop a voice that will command a room are discussed:Vocal varietyExpect resistanceRhythmVolumePitchThis episode has multiple tips and tools for each of those five development areas.The Zootopia clip that gets so much attention is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHKwnUa3txoThis episode is tagged in three cat...
David Lanchart
Tom, thank you so much for this episode. It was refreshing to hear how to really listen, and more importantly to get the other person to continue talking. I can't way to practice the first words concept
Todd Thomsen
This is very timely for me. Thank you! 
Todd Thomsen
Love the tools! I will be downloading your PDF to help me with coaching upward. I’d like to suggest that your revamped observations on the marshmallow test may have some additional influences. You mentioned privilege being one of them, perhaps also high on the level of influence could be training and parental influence. It does not require wealth or social stature to influence children to be open to being well taught and well disciplined. 
Todd Thomsen
This was extremely helpful! Thank you! This is very helpful! There is a recurring set of circumstances where my inner critic tries to tell me that there will be a negative outcome. I will put into practice, what you did by getting it placed on something outside of me, naming it, choosing to not let it dictate the outcome, and imagine a positive ending.
Todd Thomsen
“It is not possible for me to create an emotion in others.” Very insightful. I appreciate the reinforcement and reminder that I am not responsible for behaviors and emotions of others.