The Mark and Robin Show

Wisdom can come from 3 divorces and 1 solid 20-year marriage.  Mark and Robin sat down with a Young Couple recently, before the WEDDING in a group setting and answered the questions: "How do we stay married?" "How can we avoid divorce" We have a quick show that shares both!  

"I hate my spouse" "She never picks up after herself" "He always ignores me" When you get to this stage, it's called Contempt. The Mark and Robin Show talk about one tool they are using to combat this attitude, that unchanged could result in divorce. Yes it's that serious.     

The Mark and Robin Show this week tackle  "What Is It Like Dating someone with kids?" We discuss WHAT NOT TO DO, plus some ideas on how to keep it real and have boundaries.   Robin has 4 kids and Mark has 0 kids, so they have some stories to share!      

Putting up a boundary and showing strength is better. Sometimes being a flake can make things worse. It can be fatal in relationships. Do you do all the work?  Are you the martyr?    The Mark and Robin Show Podcast      

Today on the Mark and Robin Show we discuss weak Boundaries in Church and Family and some ideas on how to solve them. Improving boundaries can help make your relationships grow stronger.  The Mark and Robin Show is a relationship podcast. Focusing on improving marriages, yourself and more. The Mark and Robin Show is a Christian-based worldview of improving relationships. 

Are Boundaries bad? Are they mean? What if we told you weak boundaries actually make your relationships worse? Today on the Mark and Robin Show we discuss weak Boundaries in Marriage and with Kids and some ideas on how to solve them. The Mark and Robin Show is a relationship podcast. Focusing on improving marriages, yourself and more. The Mark and Robin Show is Christian-based, in their worldview of improving relationships. 

More Real MEN ONLY Talk this week a 3 Man Roundtable Discussion. After the Affair, the After-Math. Moving On and Lessons Learned after Infidelity and Divorce.  3 Guys share about how they dealt with life after being cheated on, and how they recovered.  Many people think that it's men who cheat. But we have news for you, women do it too. This is the 3rd part of an all-guy discussion.  

More Real talk this week, 3 Man Roundtable Discussion. Blame Game; She Cheated on Me and Blamed Me For It. 3 Guys share about how they were blamed for their wife's affairs. Many people think that it's men who cheat. But we have news for you, women do it too. This is the 2nd part of an all guy discussion.   The Mark and Robin Show this week is exclusively Mark with 2 Guests for an all guy podcast.   

Real talk this week, 3 Man Roundtable Discussion. "What was it like when you found out that she cheated on you?" Many people think that it's men who cheat. But we have news for you, women do it too. This how the guys felt after finding out. The Mark and Robin Show this week is exclusively Mark with 2 Guests for an all guy podcast.   

Be stagnant and die. The Mark and Robin Show interview Joey, the Psypreneur. He's a successful Productivity Coach for Entrepreneurs and Executives. Level 1: Personal growth small changes Level 2: Grow network Level 3: Manage Time We learned some ways to get started on fixing yourself before you jump into your next relationship. Don't bring your old "you" to the next one! And if you are in a relationship, remember that being stagnant is a killer! The Mark and Robin Show is a relationship podcast. 

The Mark and Robin Show, with 3 divorces between them share what people really say Before and After Divorce. Sharing real life so you can know what is on the other side.    The Mark and Robin Show Podcast is about relationships and learning all we can together to make lemons out of oranges. 

Been through a bad breakup or does your marriage need a spark? How is your level of Selfishness? Could Self Care be a vehicle for improving yourself and your relationship?  We have lots of ways to get back to the real you! The Mark and Robin Show with 3 divorces between them have found some ways they have rediscovered themselves and made their lives noticeably better. Your friends will say, "Oh that's the person I remember!" The Mark and Robin Show podcast is about relationship improvement.    

We loved Patricia Ryan Madson so much we kept her for another segment. Patricia Ryan Madson, Author of "Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare Just Show Up" joins the Mark and Robin Show to discuss how thinking on your feet and enjoying the moment can open doors to life, work and even relationships. So much wisdom! Her 13 Maxims for Life Include: 1. Say Yes, 2. Don't prepare 3. Just Show Up 4. Start anywhere 5. Be average. Great show! You have to listen!  Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare Just Show Up, has been translated into 9 languages. In 1996 Patricia Ryan Madson founded the Creativity Initiative at Stanford, an interdisciplinary alliance of faculty who share the belief that creativity can be taught.    The Mark and Robin Show is a relationship podcast, exploring how to improve relationships and avoid red flags.   

Patricia Ryan Madson, Author of "Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare Just Show Up" joins the Mark and Robin Show to discuss how thinking on your feet and enjoying the moment can open doors to life, work and even relationships. So much wisdom! Her 13 Maxims for Life Include: 1. Say Yes, 2. Don't prepare 3. Just Show Up 4. Start anywhere 5. Be average. Great show! You have to listen!  Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare Just Show Up, has been translated into 9 languages. In 1996 Patricia Ryan Madson founded the Creativity Initiative at Stanford, an interdisciplinary alliance of faculty who share the belief that creativity can be taught.    The Mark and Robin Show is a relationship podcast, exploring how to improve relationships and avoid red flags.  Mark:      [00:17]       All right, here we are with another Mark… Robin:     [00:19]       And Robin Show. Mark:      [00:20]       And today, we have an incredibly great magical guest, right Robin? Robin:     [00:25]       Yes, she's magical. Her name is Patricia Ryan Madson, and Patricia Ryan Madson joins us all the way from California. And she wrote an amazing book called Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare, Just Show Up. And welcome to the show, Patricia. Patricia:  [00:40]      Thank you, Robin and Mark. Lovely to be here. Robin:     [00:43]       We are so glad. And I'd like to just start off by saying the reason I'm so glad that Patricia is joining us today is, I would say, that she's one of the reasons how Mark and I ended up having a friendship and relationship and now a podcast. So it's pretty funny because the book… and that's why I wanted to have you on the show is to talk about how improv in life works. And so can you just give the listening audience the main gist of your book? For me, I know exactly what the sound is when I hear the [ting]. Patricia:  [01:14]      [Ting] Mark:      [01:15]       Try this. Patricia:  [01:16]      Try this. Well, the premise of the book is that our life is an improvisation and we're all improvising all the time, even when we try to plan. So why not use some of the rules and the principles that improvisers use when they're trying to study improv for theater and see if these rules don't help open up our options and give us more adventures in our life? And then the book lays out those different rules and how you can try them on and see if they make any difference. And I think the rule that Robin is talking about that brought them together is the cardinal rule. And no matter who you study improv with is the rule of acceptance that you say yes to whatever the premise of the offer is that your partner gives you and you build on that. It doesn't mean you have to like it, but it means you work with it. So you don't reject it or argue. So it's very different from our current political system, for example. Robin:     [02:16]       Exactly. Mark:      [02:17]       Indeed. Robin:     [02:17]       And I would say that it’s almost like social media is a form of communication today, is that people almost want to instantly attack or go against what you say. There's not a lot of agreement, everybody wants to put in their mark on it, which, again, that's awesome. Mark:      [02:24]       It's true. And talking about social media, there's always the person who, no matter what you say, they're the curmudgeon, they're the “It's my job to be the editor of everybody else, and to step in and disagree and always be the devil's advocate and always say no.” Robin:     [02:54]       Right. And actually, I think you talk a little bit about that in the chapter I was just listening to earlier this morning is can you talk a little bit about the heart of being critical instantly when an idea comes to you, and what to do with that? Patricia:  [03:07]      Yeah, I talk about three different lenses or sets of glasses that we put on, and one lens is the critical lens. And if you've ever been involved in higher education, the critical lens is what is prized, and what we really try to cultivate, which is what's wrong with something, how it doesn't work, what are the fallacies in this? And so the critical lens, which I think most people are walking around with is “What's wrong with is this problem, or this day, or this morning, or my coffee, or anything?” And so the critical lens also seems to be something that's high status, academics are sort of famous. When you write a dissertation, you have to, first of all, defend why everybody else is wrong about the thing you're writing about. Anyway, and then the other lens is I call the scientific lens, which is one in which you're supposed to be objective, where you're not critical, you're not favorable, you're supposed to be looking at something realistically - the scientific method. And then I say, the third lens, and the one that I'm going to promote as an improviser is the lens of looking at what's right about the situation, what's good, what's useful, how we're being served.                  [04:24]       A really good example of this right now is we're often, in these days, stuck at home, on calls with customer service people trying to get something solved or some technical issue worked out. And often these people are stressed, they might be sitting in the Philippines, or they're not having a great day. And so it's really easy to get sort of annoyed with the level of customer service. Mark:      [04:55]       Customer no service. Patricia:  [04:57]      Right, customer no service. But what I think is really important to see is that despite their attitude, despite any kind of tone in their voice, they are helping us solve the problem. And that what we have to look for is what we're receiving, rather than what we don't like about what we're receiving. And so the improviser always sees what's going on as a gift that they can work with. And just like a real gift, sometimes you open the gift and it's a green sweater, and you hate green, but it's still a gift. And if you look at that as the gift it's intended to be, rather than something you don't like, by changing perspective to put on the lens of looking at the gift, you can really transform your life. I've seen it happen. And I think that's probably the part of the improv story that is maybe most useful, because most of us are interested in ourselves and we’re interested even in relationships of getting what I want, and how the other person is maybe not exactly providing that. I don't know, if you turn that around and just ask, “What am I receiving?”, looking at it [like] “The same husband that annoyed me with something just brought me my coffee, my goodness.” Thank you. Mark:      [06:23]       Ooh coffee. Coffee is one of Robin’s love languages by the way. Robin:     [06:26]       It is one of my love languages. Patricia:  [26:28]      Exactly. So it’s the lens that we look at things from. And I promote, and the improviser has to have the lens of looking at what's right or useful, or what I can do with whatever comes my way. So it's turning around the way the self or the ego interacts. And I think that's probably at the heart of most relationship problems is that “I'm interested in me and getting what I need. But I don't know how interested I am in giving what I can to help my partner.” So that’s like, “Well, of course I give to my partner,” but I think we have to all work on our egos and give them a back seat. Robin:     [07:15]       Agreed. Mark:      [07:17]       That's so interesting. Robin:     [17:19]       Did you have something? Mark:      [07:20]       Yeah, one thing that when you were talking about that, it just reminded me, because we're all asking the question, “How can I have a more successful joy-filled, great relationships sort of life?” I remember there's an author, Tom Stanley, he wrote a book called The Millionaire Next Door, and one of the things he talked about in his study of millionaires, and then decamillionaires, people who are successful financially is they saw everything that happened to them as a positive thing. Anything that happens to me, the mindset is, “This is good. I can use this to be successful,” whether it's something bad or challenging, or something that most people would consider to be, “Oh, yeah. That's a good thing.” Whether it's good or bad, a successful person sees it as good and “contributing to my success”. Robin:     [08:14]       Yeah. Patricia:  [08:14]      That's exactly the secret. There's a little improv game where we give each other imaginary gifts and you have to have to say to the gift, “Oh, good. I needed that,” and then put why you needed it. It’s the same thing about the millionaires, “Oh, good. I needed that cancer diagnosis because, during this time when I've been taking chemo, I was able to” yadda yadda, because we can all find the lemons and the lemonade-- Robin:     [08:44]       Especially if you have a teenager. Patricia:  [08:46]      Right. But it's not our first response. I think our first response is often the negative. And so the millionaire is right that if you take everything that comes your way as something that you can use, doesn't mean you have to like it, but how can you take these things that are going on that are troublesome, and instead of focusing on the negative-- And then you turn it around, and sometimes they are things you can't do anything at all about, so you accept them and then you do what you can do. There's a long list of 13 maxims. There are four things that maybe your listeners can remember that are real easy, the four A's. Robin:     [09:30]       Oh, Okay. What are those? Patricia:  [09:32]      The four A's of improvisation are attention-- First of all, you have to notice what's going on all around you. You have to kind of get out of your own head and your own little emotional stew and notice, pay attention, attention, attention. And two, there's acceptance, and that's what we were just talking about, Mark, accepting what comes your way and opening to it. What is this that's happeni

The Junk Doesn't Belong In Your Trunk. Today's households are stressed to the limit. Are you guarding your serenity?  Do you stop when there is something hindering your marriage or do you keep stepping over it, pretending it's not there? Jason and Terri Earls of Marriage DNA share some tips to get better at communicating during these crazy pandemic times.  Jason Earls president of the Christian Comedy Association, along with his wife Terri Earls have been helping couples for years with their marriages during their Marriage DNA encounter weekends across the US. Married for 20 years with 6 children between them, they have been a testament of how to work through your "junk" and be victorious on the other side!      

From Charm to Harm: And Everything Else in Between With a Narcissist.. author Greg Zaffuto. Greg also runs a 175,000 fan strong Narcissist Recovery Facebook Group titled "After Narcissist Abuse: There is Light, Life and Love".  He joins the Mark and Robin Show to discuss recovery and also how Narcissists affect their children. Great show that just clicks along at a fast pace! The Mark and Robin Show continues its series on Narcissism with author Greg Zaffuto.      

The Perrys share the Real-Life perspective of infidelity in a marriage. We loved D.R. and Toy's story so much we had them on the show for 3 episodes. This is 3 of 3.  It's real, it's raw, it's redemptive. Did you know that most marriages fail before the ink has dried on the marriage certificate because couples plan for the wedding but fail to have a mission and plan for their marriage? D.R. and Toy help couples plan and save their marriages.  The Mark and Robin Show is a relationship podcast. 

So Your Husband Cheated on You? D.R. and Toy Perry of Marriage Impossible, Marriage Crisis Strategists share the Real-Life perspective of infidelity in a marriage. We loved D.R. and Toy's story so much we had them on the show for 3 episodes.  It's real, it's raw, it's redemptive. Did you know that most marriages fail before the ink has dried on the marriage certificate because couples plan for the wedding but fail to have a mission and plan for their marriage? D.R. and Toy help couples plan and save their marriages.  The Mark and Robin Show is a relationship podcast. 

So Your Wife Cheated on You? D.R. and Toy Perry of Marriage Impossible, Marriage Crisis Strategists share the Real-Life perspective of infidelity in a marriage.  It's real, it's raw, it's redemptive. The Mark and Robin Show is a relationship podcast.       

The Mark and Robin Show continues our series on Narcissism. Psychotherapist Steven D Brand, MSW, ACSW, LCSW, shares the DSM definition of Narcissism. He shares how narcissists react when caught and what burdens them. He has some hope for those involved in a relationship with a narcissist.  Steven D. Brand has over 35,000 clinical hours in his practice with couples and individual therapy and travels the world helping marriages.  The Mark and Robin Show is a relationship podcast.