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The New Old Testament
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The New Old Testament

Author: Jay Willem

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Description

South Park meets the Bible

The New Old Testament is a re-imagining of the Bible as told to you by the drunk guy at the party. A drunk guy who seriously knows his scripture... and who sounds like a robot because the writer can't voice-act for s*** or afford a proper narrator.

It's part adaptation, part commentary, and 100% not for people who take the Bible too seriously. It shares just as much DNA with animated shows like South Park, Rick and Morty, and Archer.
27 Episodes
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What happens when Adam and Eve populate the world through inbreeding? Pretty much what you’d expect – bestiality, cold-blooded murder and a lot of confusingly-similar names.
What happens when God chooses Abel’s sacrifice over Cain’s? Odds are, you’re familiar with the story. Or are you? Take a look at an alternate Bible history where Cain does worse than just kill his brother, and God makes a deal with the devil.
Genesis 1-3: Snake Party

Genesis 1-3: Snake Party

2019-09-0600:28:11

What happens when God has a few beers and decides to create the earth? At first, nothing. Everything’s going pretty well. But when God decides to create people, that’s when things start to unravel.Written and edited by Jay Willem.Find out more at jaywillem.netDrop us a line at thenewoldtestament@gmail.comIntro and outro music from Soap at Looperman.com
Genesis 1-3

Genesis 1-3

2019-09-0600:28:39

What happens when God has a few beers and decides to create the earth? At first, nothing. Everything’s going pretty well. But when God decides to create people, that’s when things start to unravel.Written and edited by Jay Willem.Find out more at jaywillem.netDrop us a line at thenewoldtestament@gmail.comIntro and outro music from Soap at Looperman.com
Genesis 34-35: Gendercide

Genesis 34-35: Gendercide

2018-06-2200:39:46

What happens when Dinah ventures into the city of Shechem? Family politics get messy, an ethnic cleansing takes place, and someone turns into an ogre.
Latest episode of The New Old Testament
What happens when Jake prepares to leave for home after twenty years abroad? A deal is sealed with blood, selective breeding is discussed at length, and Little Red Riding Hood gets a rewrite.
What happens when Jake decides to marry the daughter of his mother's brother? A woman goes bald, the screaming mandrakes from Harry Potter 2 turn out to be an aphrodisiac, and, naturally, there is an incestuous sex-a-thon.
What happens when Jake leaves home to marry his cousin? A bloody wedding night, a party at God's house and a cannabis-fuelled, mind-shredding hallucination.
What happens when Esau tracks down his uncle, seeking revenge against the brothers who betrayed them? A stand-up comedian bombs, Van Helsing gets back in the game and Esau is reunited with his skin.
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