Claim OwnershipThe Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Subscribed: 1Played: 9
Subscribe
© 2025 The Paradox of Change - There has to be an I before We!
Description
Welcome to The Paradox of Change, where three experienced therapists guide you through the essential truth:
I B4We - You have to have a relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with others!
We believe in understanding your needs, boundaries, and capacity for connection - because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.
Meet Your Guides:
Elliot Burgess - Individual therapist specializing in men's mental health and the foundational "I" work that transforms all relationships
Lottie Passell-Syms - Sex and intimacy specialist dedicated to couples therapy, helping partners navigate the "We" journey through deeper connection and authentic communication and better sex.
Fi Sclif - Individual therapy and growth coaching focusing on mindset, money, and marketing
What You'll Discover:
• How self-discovery leads to relationship mastery
• Lottie's proven couples therapy techniques for rebuilding intimacy and trust
• Practical tools for infidelity recovery, trauma healing, and authentic communication
• Insights into masculinity, femininity, and identity development
• Strategies for navigating divorce, dating after trauma, and co-parenting
• Real conversations about narcissistic abuse recovery and neurodiversity in relationships
Our Philosophy:
Inspired by Carl Rogers' wisdom: "When a client accepts themselves as they are, the curious paradox is that they then change." Whether you're working on yourself individually or as a couple, transformation starts within - heal your relationship with yourself, and watch every other relationship in your life flourish.
Content You Can Expect:
• Deep-dive conversations with mental health experts
• Individual growth episodes ("The I Series") with Elliot, Fi & Lottie
• Couples-focused content ("The We Series") with Lottie's expertise
• "I B4We Deep Dives" - All three tackling complex topics together
• Real stories of resilience and recovery
• Practical tools you can use immediately
Whether you're single and working on yourself, in a relationship needing guidance, or navigating life transitions, we're here as your collaborative guides, not distant experts, but fellow travelers who've walked these paths.
New episodes every two weeks “|” 26+ episodes available now!
Subscribe and join our community of people choosing accountability and growth!
https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
33 Episodes
Reverse
Welcome to The Paradox of Change - your couples therapy and relationship advice channel hosted by three experienced therapists. We believe there has to be an I before We. Struggling with trust issues, affair recovery, sexual rejection, or intimacy problems? Whether you're dealing with a sexless marriage, low libido, or rejection sensitivity - we help you build a stronger relationship with yourself first, so you can create healthier connections with others. What You'll Get: - Expert couples ...
Lottie Passell-Syms and Natalie Wanner explore the complexities of OPEN relationships, communication, and intimacy. They discuss the impact of past trauma on current relationships, the dynamics of low desire, and the importance of accountability and radical acceptance in navigating intimacy. You may like this episode https://youtu.be/AC08xbGuadU The conversation emphasises the need for open dialogue about the intimate act and intimacy, the challenges of celibacy, and the significance of unde...
Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore the grief, loss and identity crisis that follows when sex disappears from a relationship, and ask the difficult question: should you give him sex? This episode delves into the complexities of desire, power dynamics and the real reasons couples stop conne...
We have an honest talk with with Poppy Tiltman, who's here to share her perspective on disability without the usual sugar-coating. In this candid episode, Poppy makes one thing clear from the start: she doesn't want to be your inspiration, and she's not here to make you feel good about yourself - thats your job! Living with cerebral palsy and autism, Poppy cuts through the typical feel-good narratives that surround disability discussions. Instead, she offers her genuine experience - what it'...
The secret to lasting love isn't about finding the perfect partner or mastering communication techniques. There's one fundamental question that predicts whether your relationship will thrive or fail: "Can I be me with you?" If you are searching for relationship repair or relationship advice, this might be the show for you. In this deep-dive conversation, Elliot and Lottie explore the core elements that determine relationship success, from emotional safety and vulnerability to the crucial rol...
Former Royal Navy Lieutenant Commander Jamie Leaper shares his powerful journey from military service to becoming a therapist - and why being part of the 20% of male counsellors is changing how men engage with mental health. In this honest conversation, Jamie discusses: • The reality of military-to-civilian transition anxiety • Why the "veteran" label can be harmful • How injury recovery challenged his perspective on heroism • Why men are finally engaging with therapy • The importance of aut...
Is there a Crisis in Masculinity? Elliot and James Penny from Flex Your Feelings podcast, tackle one of today's most controversial topics head-on! In this honest conversation, we explore: - Why modern men feel lost and confused about their identity - How social media algorithms are warping masculine role models - The shocking truth about what schools are teaching boys about masculinity - Why "toxic masculinity" is being confused with healthy masculine traits - The missing positive male role...
Labiaplasty & Ozempic : Understanding the Surge in Popularity... Our resident therapist and coach, Fi, interviews Ceira Robinson, from London's prestigious Mayfair cosmetic surgery scene. Might Like this? https://youtu.be/pK6vVHyeWcs?si=hEY6cYBTGeo4VWd6 This eye-opening conversation reveals the alarming surge in cosmetic procedures, especially labiaplasty among young women, and exposes how social media pressures are driving dangerous beauty standards. The discussion also touches on emerg...
How do we Understanding the Emotional Roots of Eating Disorders? You might like our other episode Infidelity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5U&t=1618s Elliot and Lauren explore how these disorders manifest differently in athletes compared to the general public, the impact of family dynamics, and the emotional struggles that often accompany these conditions. We highlights the importance of recognising the human behind the athlete and the need for healthy boundaries within...
Expert Advice On Intimacy, Sex & Relationships. We discuss everything from dating, to love bombing vs limerence to conscious uncoupling. You may like 'Do Happy People Cheat?': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-qO5lQg5U A conversation with sex and intimacy specialist Lottie Passell-Syms, hosted by mental health podcast creators James Penny and Sam Bell: Sam and James our the brains behind "Flex Your Feelings" and this episode reveals hidden truths about modern dating advice ...
From Room Mates to Romance... How can we rescue the SEX and INTIMACY from a potentially failing relationship and rekindle the spark we're looking for into something even better! What if no sex leads to infidelity (https://youtu.be/Gh-qO5lQg5U) and, What if consciously choosing to pause your sex life could be the very thing that saves your relationship? Summary This week Lottie and Elliot explore the decline of intimacy in relationships, emphasising the importance of communication and t...
Rethinking infidelity - part 2 ... Exploring the definitions, the dynamics of micro affairs, and the emotional and physical impacts on relationships. The thrill and dopamine effects associated with infidelity, link to Episode 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6JUnK131nI&t=1250s They also touch on the changing dynamics of relationships and the rising prevalence of affairs. In this conversation, the speakers delve into the complexities of infidelity, exploring themes of honesty, emotional...
The hidden crisis of male mental health in 2025. From workplace struggles to finding authentic connection, we uncover why so many men feel lost today. You might also like: • Men are losing their masculinity #017 Today we sit down with BetterHelp therapist Richard Whitenstall. 🎯 In This Episode: • Why men are struggling to find their place in modern society • The impact of workplace dynamics on mental health • How autism and vulnerability intersect with relationships • Un...
📢 Episode 21: The Truth About Infidelity, Affairs, & Healing Relationships 💔 Why do people cheat? How does limerence (obsessive attraction) impact relationships? Can couples repair trust after an affair? In this episode of The Paradox of Change, Elliot Burgess explores infidelity, emotional affairs, attachment theory, and the complex emotions of betrayal. 🔎 Topics Covered: ✅ Types of Affairs: Emotional, Physical, Financial, & Online Affairs ✅ Attachment Theory & Inf...
“Change doesn’t happen unless you make it happen.” In this special year-end episode of The Paradox of Change podcast, Elliot, Lottie, and Fi reflect on the transformative journey of 2024, sharing personal stories, professional breakthroughs, and key lessons from their work in therapy, coaching, and business. From Fee’s leap into entrepreneurship and Lottie’s work as a sex and relationship therapist to Elliot’s insights into health and well-being, this conversation is packed with valuable tak...
This week Elliot and Geri explore the emotional challenges many face during the Christmas and New Year holidays, particularly focusing on grief, family dynamics, and the increase in domestic violence. The discussion highlights coping strategies, the importance of support systems, and the need for self-care during this time. It emphasises the significance of reaching out for help and finding ways to connect with others, even amidst personal struggles. In this conversation, Elliot Burges...
This week, Elliot and Lottie explore the complexities of relationships, (can we be friends with ex lovers) focusing on themes of heartache, the importance of friendships, and the impact of childhood experiences on adult connections. They discusses the significance of letting go, the role of inner child work, and the necessity of building trust in relationships. Then emphasizing the value of authenticity and vulnerability in friendships and romantic partnerships, while also addressing the chal...
This weeks episode, Rob Tearle shares his journey from being an engineer to becoming a therapist, highlighting the importance of addressing male mental health issues. He discusses the societal pressures on masculinity, the stigma surrounding therapy for men, and the need for male role models. Rob emphasises the significance of vulnerability and emotional well-being, encouraging men to seek help and embrace their feelings. The discussion also touches on the challenges faced during therapy trai...
Summary Elliot and Lottie delve into the complexities of relationships, focusing on defensiveness, communication, and the impact of generational trauma. They explore the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as identified by John Gottman, discussing how defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt can undermine relationships. The conversation emphasises the importance of empathy, vulnerability, and effective communication in fostering healthy connections. They also touch on the significance...
In this episode of 'The Paradox of Change', therapist Al shares his personal journey into the world of therapy, discussing the challenges he faced with anger, vulnerability, and the importance of building trust in therapeutic relationships. He reflects on the impact of fatherhood, the stigma surrounding men's mental health, and the influence of social media on modern relationships. Al emphasises the need for authenticity in therapy and the significance of maintaining mental health as a therap...
Comments
Download from Google Play
Download from App Store
United States