The Regulated Mother

Do you ever feel reactive the moment you're with your child — even after having time to yourself? Or find yourself tense and snappy by bedtime because you're just done?In this episode, I share a deeply personal story that reveals how six hidden survival patterns — like overdoing, perfectionism, and rushing — can leave your nervous system depleted before the parenting challenges even begin.You’ll learn how these patterns form, how they impact your capacity to regulate, and what you can begin doing to shift them — not through willpower, but through nervous system awareness and micro-moments of safety.🎧 Listen now and take the first step toward building a more resourced, grounded version of yourself — not just for your child, but for you.💻 Read the full blog: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/the-hidden-patterns-that-prime-you-to-easily-react-to-your-child 📘 Get the free eBook + video series: 7 Steps To Regulated & Resilient Parenting With Your Highly Reactive, Hypersensitive, High Needs Child 👉https://www.illuminateu.ca/regulated-and-resilient-parenting

Can you really heal your nervous system while parenting a highly reactive, hypersensitive, PDA or autistic child—especially when daily life feels traumatic and triggering?In this episode, I share a raw story of rage, shame, and despair, and explore what healing actually means for parents of high needs children. You’ll learn why healing isn’t about never being triggered, how past trauma gets reactivated in the present, and what real nervous system healing looks like—layer by layer, even in the middle of the mess.✨ Read the full blog on my website for more: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/the-meaning-of-healing-your-nervous-system-even-in-stressful-or-traumatic-environments 📖 And click the link to get my free Ebook + Video Series: 7 Steps To Regulated & Resilient Parenting With Your Highly Reactive, Hypersensitive, High Needs Child: https://www.illuminateu.ca/regulated-and-resilient-parenting

Does your child feel like one big trigger? In this episode, I explore how chronic stress rewires your brain to see your hypersensitive or PDA child as a threat—and how to shift your nervous system back into connection using glimmers, curiosity, and regulation practices.📖 Read the full blog on my website: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/how-to-see-your-child-in-a-more-positive-way-even-in-the-hardest-moments 🎁 Get the Free Ebook + Video Series: https://www.illuminateu.ca/regulated-and-resilient-parenting 7 Steps To Regulated & Resilient Parenting With your highly reactive, hypersensitive, high needs child

What do you do when the person hurting you is your own child—and you love them more than anything?In this deeply personal and trauma-informed episode, Afshan Tafler shares her story of parenting a hypersensitive, high-needs, PDA child whose violent outbursts left her terrified, exhausted, and full of shame. From calling 911 to navigating complex PTSD and nervous system collapse, she unpacks the raw truth many parents are afraid to admit:Sometimes it feels like abuse. And your body doesn’t lie.This episode explores: • Why your nervous system interprets your child’s violence as threat • What trauma from your own child does to your brain, body, and beliefs • How to reclaim safety, agency, and meaning—even in the chaos • Research that validates your experience • A soul-level perspective that may help you feel less aloneWhether you’re in the thick of it or still healing from what you’ve lived through, this is a powerful, compassionate reminder:You are not broken. You are not failing. You are not alone. And there is a way to feel whole again.👉 Read the full blog article on my website: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/when-it-feels-like-abuse-making-sense-of-violence-control-and-trauma-in-parenting-a-high-needs-child📘 Get my free eBook + video series: 7 Steps to Regulated & Resilient Parenting with Your Hypersensitive, High Needs Child Download it here: https://www.illuminateu.ca/regulated-and-resilient-parenting🎧 Listen now and feel seen, understood, and empowered.#nervoussystem #highneedschild #pdaautism #parentingtrauma #traumainformedparenting #afshantafler

In this powerful episode, we explore how the heartbreak of parenting a hypersensitive, high-needs child can become a gateway to healing, meaning, and transformation.This is Part 3 of a 3-part series on Loss, Grief, and Growth—and it’s one of the most important messages I share.You’ll learn:How past trauma shapes your parenting triggersWhat post-traumatic growth looks like in real lifeHow to reclaim your joy, peace, and purpose from the inside outThe psychology behind growth, meaning, and nervous system transformationWhy your child may not be breaking you—but awakening youThis isn’t about bypassing pain. It’s about discovering who you are beneath it all.📝 Read the full blog here: 👉 https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/from-grief-to-growth-the-hidden-gift-of-parenting-a-high-needs-child🎁 Download my free e-book + video series: “7 Steps to Becoming More Regulated and Resilient with Your Hypersensitive, High Needs Child” 👉 https://www.illuminateu.ca/regulated-and-resilient-parenting

Grief shows up in unexpected ways when you’re parenting a hypersensitive, high-needs child. And most of it goes unnamed.In this episode of The Regulated Mother, I explore the deeper grief that lives in the nervous system—the kind of grief no one prepares us for.We talk about:The 5 stages of grief adapted for parentingAmbiguous loss, ongoing loss, anticipatory grief, and loss of reciprocityWhy you might feel stuck in a shame-grief loopHow grief from the past gets reactivated in the presentAnd how to begin working with grief in your body, one breath at a timeIf you want to read instead, the full blog is available on my website: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/understanding-the-grief-that-comes-with-parenting-a-high-needs-childThis episode is especially for parents navigating Autism, PDA, ADHD, trauma, and other nervous system differences—who are grieving not because they’ve given up, but because they love deeply.

In this episode of The Regulated Mother, we name the invisible losses that come with parenting a hypersensitive, high-needs child—loss of identity, dreams, freedom, health, and more. If you’ve ever felt like your life no longer looks or feels like your own, this conversation will help you understand why—and remind you that you’re not alone.🖊️ You can also read the full blog on my website: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/the-loss-no-one-talks-about-in-parenting-a-high-needs-childAfshan’s instagram page: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/afshantafler⁠Afshan’s YouTube page: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@afshantafler⁠Free Ebook and Video series on the 7 Steps to Regulated & Resilient Parenting with your hypersensitive, high needs child: ⁠https://www.illuminateu.ca/regulated-and-resilient-parenting⁠Listen on Apple: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regulated-mother/id1817810402

If you're parenting a hypersensitive, high-needs child, you've likely had moments in public where your child's behavior triggered deep shame—and left you feeling judged, isolated, and like you don’t belong.In this episode of The Regulated Mother, I share a personal story from a birthday party that brought all of that to the surface. We’ll explore why these moments hurt so much, how your nervous system responds to social disapproval, the role of cultural and generational conditioning, and how to begin rewiring a sense of true belonging—from the inside out.Because you and your child deserve to feel seen, supported, and safe—just as you are.🔗 Prefer to read instead? You can find the full blog on my website: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/when-your-child-s-behavior-triggers-your-old-wounds-of-not-belongingAfshan’s instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/afshantaflerAfshan’s YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/@afshantaflerFree Ebook and Video series on the 7 Steps to Regulated & Resilient Parenting with your hypersensitive, high needs child: https://www.illuminateu.ca/regulated-and-resilient-parentingListen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regulated-mother/id1817810402

If you’ve been waking up feeling numb, heavy, or low while parenting your hypersensitive, high-needs child, you’re not alone—and there’s a reason for it. In this episode of The Regulated Mother, I share my personal story of experiencing depression during an intense parenting season and explore what depression really is from a nervous system, emotional, biochemical, and trauma-informed perspective.We’ll talk about:1. How chronic stress and unprocessed emotions lead to shutdown2. The nervous system biology behind depressive states3. How movement, sleep, nutrition, and meaning all play a role4. How Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems help heal depression from the inside out💻 Prefer to read? You can find the full blog article on my website: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/why-you-feel-depressed-when-parenting-a-hypersensitive-high-needs-child

When my son was housebound and stuck in burnout, I found myself numbing out—chips, TV, doing anything to not feel the grief I couldn’t face. In this episode, I share a personal story of emotional shutdown, nervous system overload, and the moment I realized I couldn’t hold space for my child’s emotions because I didn’t know how to hold my own.You can read the full post here: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/the-key-to-handling-your-child-s-big-emotions-learn-to-feel-your-ownOr listen along as we explore the real reason regulation is so hard—and the gentle steps toward emotional safety for both you and your child.

Why does rest feel impossible—even when your child is calm and you’re exhausted? In this episode, I share my personal journey with hypervigilance, what happens in your nervous system when rest feels unsafe, and how to gently retrain your body to come out of “on” mode. You’ll learn micro-practices to reduce stress load, rebuild your rest reflex, and discover one of my favorite tools—the Rest & Restore Protocol by Unyte (and created by Dr. Stephen Porges).🔗 Read the full blog: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/why-you-can-t-relax-and-how-to-teach-your-nervous-system-that-it-s-safe🔗 Explore Unyte’s Rest & Restore Protocol: http://www.integratedlistening.com/RRP

In this episode, we explore the emotional and nervous system layers of rupture in parenting. What if rupture doesn’t mean you’re failing—but that something deeper is trying to heal through you? We’ll talk about the shame so many mothers carry after explosive moments with their hypersensitive, high-needs child, and how those moments can become openings for healing—not just with your child, but within yourself.This discussion includes personal stories, nervous system insight, and a reframe that will help you relate to rupture with more compassion, meaning, and hope.💻 To read the full blog article, visit: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/rupture-isn-t-failure-it-s-the-path-to-healing

When your child’s behavior overwhelms you — whether it’s yelling, swearing, or melting down — it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost all control and have no idea what to do. In this episode, I share a powerful framework based on nervous system science to help you regulate your body in the hardest parenting moments. Learn the 3 things your nervous system needs to feel safe — context, choice, and connection — and how giving yourself these can help you respond instead of react. I also walk you through a real-life example and offer tools to return to calm and confidence, even when your child is at their most dysregulated.You can read the full article here: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/what-your-nervous-system-needs-when-your-child-is-triggering-you

What if you’re not the rage, the shutdown, the overwhelm you feel in those hard parenting moments?In this episode, we explore a powerful shift that lies at the heart of nervous system healing: becoming the awareness behind your mind and body. I share a deeply personal story of breaking a painful reactive cycle with my son—and the moment I accessed my true essence, free of attachment, outcome, or reactivity.You’ll learn how cultivating awareness can transform your relationship with your nervous system, your child, and your authentic Self—and why this step is essential if you want to become a more regulated, resilient parent.💡 This is an AI-generated discussion based on my original blog article using Notebook LM. You can read the full article here: Becoming the Awareness Behind Your Mind and Bodyhttps://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/you-are-not-your-activation-becoming-the-awareness-behind-your-mind-and-body

In this episode, we explore the profound biological and nervous system connection between mother and child. From the science of microchimerism to the lived experience of co-regulating a hypersensitive, high-needs child, this conversation sheds light on why motherhood can feel so overwhelming—and how awareness and compassion can create powerful shifts.This episode is an AI-generated discussion based on my blog article:Read the full article here → How a Mother’s Nervous System is Designed to Feel Her Child https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/wired-for-connection-how-a-mother-s-nervous-system-is-designed-to-feel-her-child

In this episode, we explore a powerful trauma loop that many mothers of hypersensitive, high-needs children unknowingly get stuck in: the rage → fear → freeze → shame → rage cycle.I share how this loop forms in the nervous system—often from early trauma—and how it can show up in parenting, especially when our child’s behaviors trigger deep survival responses. You’ll learn:Why your nervous system might default to rage or collapse in the face of your child’s outburstsHow shame deepens the loop and keeps you stuckWhy your reactions are not character flaws—but nervous system patternsWhat the path to healing looks like, starting with awareness and compassionYou are not broken.You are not your activation.You are the one who can bring safety to it.🌀 This is an AI-generated discussion of my original blog article.📖 Read the full article here: Why I Froze: Understanding the Fear, Rage, and Burnout Cyclehttps://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/why-i-froze-understanding-the-fear-rage-and-burnout-cycle-in-parenting-my-high-needs-child

After years of dysregulation, shutdowns, and fear… something shifted.This episode tells the story of a recent moment with my son—one that could have easily become another trauma, but instead became a powerful turning point.Through years of nervous system work, co-regulation, and learning to stay present through the hardest moments, I was able to show up with steadiness. And in that space, he found his own courage and resilience too.This isn’t just a story about progress—it’s a story about what becomes possible when we do the deep work to regulate ourselves and stay connected, even in the face of fear.If you're parenting a high-needs, hypersensitive child and wondering if the work you're doing is making a difference… I hope this gives you hope.🔗 This is an AI-generated discussion of my blog article. If you prefer to read it, you can find the full piece here: When Courage Emerges: A Story of Healing, Co-Regulation, and Hopehttps://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/when-courage-emerges-a-story-of-healing-co-regulation-and-hope

Gratitude can feel impossible when you’re mothering a hypersensitive, high-needs child—especially on days like Mother’s Day, when the world expects you to feel nothing but joy.In this tender reflection, I explore the real, raw emotions that can surface when you're navigating daily meltdowns, deep exhaustion, and the grief of unmet expectations. I speak to the invisible weight so many mothers carry—the shame of not feeling grateful enough, the guilt of wanting things to be different, and the longing to feel seen and appreciated.If Mother’s Day brings up more pain than peace, you’re not alone.This episode invites you to gently turn toward what is, without pressure or judgment… and to discover how the simple act of allowing all that is can be a profound form of nervous system healing.This is an AI-generated reading of my blog article. If you'd rather read it, you can find the full piece here: When Gratitude Feels Out of Reach: A Mother’s Day Reflectionhttps://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/when-gratitude-feels-out-of-reach-a-mother-s-day-reflection