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The Relaxed Male

The Relaxed Male

Author: Bryan Goodwin

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The Relaxed Male is a podcast dedicated to empowering men to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships in all areas of their lives. Whether it's romantic partnerships, family bonds, friendships, or professional connections, this show provides insights and actionable advice for building and maintaining positive relationships grounded in mutual understanding, respect, and care.

Each episode delves into the unique challenges and opportunities men face when it comes to fostering meaningful connections. The host Bryan assists men in understanding how the elements of how one approaches a problem can hinder relationship growth.

Through thought-provoking discussions, real-life examples, and practical exercises, listeners gain valuable tools to improve their listening skills, empathy, vulnerability and thoughts needed for building trust and intimacy with those around them.

The show also covers the importance of self-awareness, personal growth, and taking responsibility for one's actions and their impact on others. Ultimately, The Relaxed Male aims to empower men to have strong relationships without sacrificing who they are in the process. Helping men to live a fulfilling life with strong meaning ful relationships and stay out of the victim trap

So if you're ready to level up your relationship game and cultivate deeper, more authentic connections, tune in and join us on this journey of self-discovery and growth.
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After many years couples often find themselves in a strange predicament. The Sex and closeness fall off and people just sort of exist in the same house. There are lots of thoughts and interpretations of this. The decrease in intimacy has been a problem in marriage since marriages were implemented. Many today believe that the reason for the decrease in intimacy is the institution of marriage. That the very act of committing yourself to another person is why the fire dies down. It can be (See Roommate Syndrome) but it isn't the reason. Why do intimacy challenges come up? We are human and we can't do anything without some type of emotion mixed in. We are just emotional beings. We are also creatures of habit. We do not want to rock the boat too much out of fear that we will be scorned in some way. We don't want to be kicked out of our village and lose all that we have worked so hard to gather. So why do we fall into roommate syndrome? Routine The big reason is we find a routine that works for us. The wife likes her shows and you like yours so you go and watch TV in separate rooms. Instead of going out for a walk or doing something different. Don't want to stir up emotions Doing something new can cause people to feel different emotions. Nice guy syndrome Sorry nice guys but you strike again. Trying to control as much as you do causes people to not venture out into the fun areas of life. So we become bored. A relationship can't survive without sex? Funny how this is often the go-to for why we need sex in our lives. Yet that isn't fully the case. yeah, it would be nice to get boned on a regular basis, but men often have a higher sex drive than women. So we often want to have sex far more often than our spouse would like to have it. So what do you do? That is why you are here. Roommate Syndrome Roommate syndromes are when you have hit a plateau. You have found yourself and your spouse in a rut and this is a good place to be because it means it is time for you to grow. You have a choice Now it may seem as if we are struggling against an impossible wall but that is where our suffering is coming from our thoughts of the matter. We always have a choice. We can change and grow and become the people that lead our spouses out of mediocrity or we can let the marriage wither or we can just stay the same and hope that one of the people in the relationship doesn't venture out for some adventure with someone else. Stay and find out how to grow The one choice I feel most people want is to stay with their spouse and find out how to become the partner their spouse needs in their life. How to increase intimacy There are many different ways we can increase intimacy. We first need to know what type of intimacy we are growing. Any intimacy is one thing but it does help to know what type you are aiming for. According to All Points North, there are 5 types of intimacy we want in our relationships. Emotional intimacy This is, how much emotional connection are you and your spouse willing to have? How willing are you to open up to your spouse about emotions? There are some thoughts as to how deep you need this to be for a good connection with your wife. Spiritual Intimacy How are you and your spouse sharing yall's religion? Many people like to say they are "spiritual" and that's fine but what is your belief and is your belief compatible with your spouse? Intellectual Intimacy How much curiosity is there about each other? Social Intimacy How much do you share in each other's interests? Physical intimacy This is what we men want most. but to get this you often need to do some other things to get here. They want to feel emotionally safe and secure They want to feel trusted They have to trust their partner. Women are mental beings so their engines are started by you waving your ding-a-ling around. This is why women can't stand dick pics. Men, we love our penises but women don't. Start dating your girl again Time to go back into the old dating box in the back of your mental closet dust it off and start dating each other again. Schedule sex It may not seem as spontaneous but at the same time, it does create some habits that have long been lost. There have been couples that actually tried 365 days of sex. They came out of it with a stronger connection with their significant other. Have a Strong Man's Community Pillar Talk to other men and have a life outside of your marriage Go back to Cheesy Romantic stuff Yeah get romantic. Exercise that muscle. Flowers Start giving flowers regularly. Even today's women still like flowers. Love notes How often do you leave love notes for your wife to find? that is too few. DO more. Love texts Send a text to your wife at random times telling her how much she means to you and how happy you are. Might even throw a little saucy language in to spice the feeling up a little. Just no dick pics. Drop the Mental Fights Many people have mental arguments with their spouses. If you do this stop. If you find yourself in that space let her win in your mind. This is about respect for your wife if you don't stop your lack of respect will show up in other ways that your wife will pick up. Show Gratitude One of the greatest ways to get out of the scarcity mindset of no sex is to just start being grateful for your spouse. Then tell them why you are grateful. Be curious Relearn who your wife is or let the marriage fall apart This is also a solution it may not be what you want but it is a solution also.  Special Coaching Offer 95% off -  Summary Intimacy challenges that couples often face in long-term relationships. After the initial "honeymoon phase", issues like lack of sex, emotional distance, and falling into routines and "roommate syndrome" can arise. He makes the point that while a relationship can survive without sex, most intimacy problems stem from negative thought patterns - making assumptions about the other person's feelings, not processing emotions healthily, and getting stuck in unfulfilling routines out of fear of disrupting the situation. Goodwin identifies 5 types of intimacy that need nurturing: emotional, spiritual, intellectual, social, and physical. He suggests several ways to overcome roommate syndrome and reignite intimacy: Date your partner again like when you were first together Schedule sex, try new things to rediscover sensuality Build a strong male social circle apart from your spouse Do romantic gestures - flowers, notes, surprises Stop having unproductive "mental fights" criticizing your partner Be curious about your partner's life, ask questions Express gratitude for small things your partner does Give 100% effort without expectation of reciprocation The underlying message is that growth, discomfort and effort are required to sustain a thriving long-term intimate relationship. Sticking to routine out of fear often leads to dissatisfaction or the relationship falling apart entirely. ( 00:00 ) Intimacy Challenges ( 02:20 ) Relationship Struggles ( 09:40 ) Surviving Without Sex ( 12:32 ) Types of Intimacy ( 30:41 ) Overcoming Roommate Syndrome ( 34:10 )Ending Mental Fights ( 37:17 ) Showing Gratitude ( 39:29 ) Giving 100%, Expecting Zero
Men struggle with strong meaningful connections. Many even struggle with just having a relationship. So many men today don't have close relationships or their relationships are just surface-level connections that don't fulfill the purpose of a relationship. We men need relationships and yet we forsake our own needs for a plethora of reasons. So why do we need to have good strong relationships? Why can't we just hermitize ourselves and just be done with it? Benefits of a good relationship Why are relationships needed? What makes the messy emotional events of having relationships with both men and women good for us? Live longer This is mainly for married men but when a man has friends who force him to get out of the house and go do things. These men live longer and more fulfilled because they have a relationship with both men and women. Men who are isolated have stronger suicide tendencies Sadly many men do end their lives because they have isolated themselves. In fact a guy who starts to isolate needs strong relationships more than ever. Happier Why do men actually long for relationships. Relationships with women It helps them see life as an adventure Three desires of a man He wants a battle to fight. He dreams of adventure. He longs for a beauty to rescue We love to care We Love to be cared for We do like the input from women Men seek specifics in their relationships and often don't find them Praise and approval Respect Connection Space Security Physical Touch Relationships with other men A means to be pushed to be better others to learn from A refill of their masculine energy Men need to have a connection with those around them Why do men not have as many friends as they could have? Many men don't have close friends at all Sadly many men have stopped trying or using the internet as a cheap knockoff connection They lost their girl's challenge. Coaching Offer   Summary Introduction Bryan Goodwin hosts The Relaxed Male podcast, aimed at helping men remove the "nice guy" mindset and live life on their own terms. This episode (#221) focuses on the importance of relationships for men. Why Relationships are Important for Men Men struggle with relationships - romantic partners, family, friends, coworkers etc. Some men avoid relationships altogether through movements like "men going their own way." However, strong relationships provide several key benefits for men: Longevity Married men tend to live longer than single men, especially if the marriage is a strong, connected one. When a wife passes away, the widowed husband often dies soon after of "a broken heart." Lower Suicide Risk Men with solid relationships have lower tendencies towards suicide compared to isolated men. Friends will notice if a man starts withdrawing and pull him back out. Happiness Overall, married men report being happier than single men. Having masculine friendships pushes men to get out, try new activities and adventures they wouldn't alone. Benefits Men Seek in Relationships Words of affirmation/praise Respect Connection/security Physical touch (both platonic and romantic) Men are often the "romantics" craving spice from their wives Importance of Male Friendships Allow men to be their full, uninhibited selves Provide positive masculine energy that balances feminine energy from romantic partners Men learn from each other and push each other to grow Having a tight community of male friends is crucial Challenges to Building/Maintaining Friendships Many men lack close friendships - estimates of 15% having no close friends Online friendships are not a full substitute for in-person connection Romantic partners sometimes pressure men to drop male friends Men must be willing to stand up to this "test" from partners to keep respected friendships Bryan's Plug for Coaching Services For men wanting to improve their relationships (romantic or platonic) 3-month coaching package to change perspectives on relationships Connect with Bryan through the website to take advantage of a discounted offer Overall, the episode argues that all kinds of relationships - romantic, family, friendships - are vital for men's mental health, life satisfaction, personal growth, and even longevity. Building a strong community of male friends is particularly emphasized. ( 00:00 ) Introduction to The Relaxed Male ( 00:32 ) The Importance of Relationships ( 06:48 ) Benefits of Strong Relationships ( 11:22 ) Specific Benefits for Men ( 18:29 ) The Importance of Male Friendships ( 24:05 ) The Role of Community in Men's Lives
Why do we get participation trophies? Easy bump of Satisfaction Empty victory How are you giving yourself participation trophies? Staying busy for the sake of busy or are you actually taking steps to go forward? Finding other things to do than what needs to be done. Buffering Example watching porn is you taking the participation prixe instead of actually building the connection withyour wife so that you have that much wanted intamacy. How are you taking the participation trophies of life? How are you going to stop? let me know in the comments section below. Want to start reaching for the real trophies in life? To do so take the next step Get Coached for 3 months for only $300 Sign up for special Coaching Offer Summary The episode argues that many people, especially men, settle for metaphorical "participation trophies" in their relationships instead of putting in the hard work required for a truly fulfilling relationship. Just like kids getting participation trophies in sports for merely showing up, adults give themselves participation trophies in relationships by engaging in avoidance behaviors and buffering techniques like drinking, watching porn, playing video games, etc. instead of doing the emotional labor to build intimacy. The host says these participation trophies in relationships provide an "empty victory" and hollow satisfaction, preventing true growth. For example, watching porn is the participation trophy instead of putting in effort to foster emotional and sexual intimacy with one's partner. Drinking after a hard day is the participation trophy instead of having a real discussion about issues with a spouse. The host urges men to stop settling for these relationship participation trophies. Instead, put in the work like pursuing personal growth, having vulnerable conversations, doing activities to nurture the relationship, etc. - which leads to the true "win" of a rich, fulfilling partnership. Giving up the participation trophy mindset and buffering behaviors is hard, but necessary to achieve relationship success beyond just going through the motions. 00:00:00 The Impact of Participation Trophies 00:11:31 Striving for Success Beyond Participation Trophies 00:16:27 Taking Action to Remove Participation Trophies
Why do we appear to turn to pain Why do we put ourselves through these ordeals? We overeat Face hangovers Withdrawals We would rather face pain than Find satisfaction Why do we want more pain in our lives? Pain is a better motivator than pleasure. It is too scary to avoid the pain scarcity in our lives Not being intentional Coaching Offer - https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host delves into the intriguing topic of pain and its role as a motivator in life. Pain seems to have a paradoxical effect on humans, both repelling and attracting us. From childhood, we are drawn to experiences that involve pain, whether it's testing our physical limits or seeking thrills. As we grow older, our relationship with pain becomes more complex, as we navigate the fine line between seeking pleasure and avoiding discomfort. The discussion reflects on how individuals often choose to endure familiar pain rather than face the unknown challenges that could lead to fulfillment. This avoidance of necessary discomfort can manifest in various ways, such as overeating, substance abuse, or failing to take proactive steps toward personal and professional growth. The speaker emphasizes the importance of confronting fears and stepping out of comfort zones to achieve true fulfillment in life. The conversation touches on the concept of a scarcity mindset and how it can drive individuals to seek temporary pleasures that ultimately result in greater pain. By reframing perspectives and adopting intentional actions, one can break free from self-imposed limitations and unlock a realm of possibilities. The speaker illustrates the power of shifting mindset towards gratitude, abundance, and proactive decision-making in order to pursue meaningful relationships and personal growth. Through candid self-reflection, the host acknowledges his own struggles with stepping into discomfort, particularly in the realm of professional endeavors. The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth by reaching out for coaching support. By embracing challenges, facing fears, and embracing discomfort, individuals can pave the way toward a more fulfilling and empowered existence. 00:00:00 Introduction 00:04:53 Facing Overeating 00:11:41 Freedom from Discomfort 00:18:20 Seeking Fulfillment 00:20:10 Embracing Discomfort
Never stop learning Read listen to podcasts Try new things Follow your curiosity Get out and enjoy the fresh air Go on a quest to find your purpose Do something scary Find a group of noble men to hang out with Porn is not your friend Dating When it comes to dating know what type of girl you want in your life. Yeah, there are the physical attributes but what character traits do you want in your wife? Date with the purpose of marriage Don't rush take a year to get to know her and then a year for the engagement. During this time Do some couples counseling and find out what she expects in marriage and share what you expect in marriage. Find out what each of you are going to bring to the table. Have some hard nos in place but also know when to be lenient on your standards. You aren't going to find the perfect woman. Look out for girls that are damsels in distress because you get a distressed damsel. You don't want a woman that you are always rescuing. Understand what respect is and does she actually respect you? What are your values? What are her values? are they compatible? Is she stable when she is upset or is she throwing temper tantrums? Does she have daddy issues? Is she talking about her ex's all the time How does she treat her parents in general How much responsibility does she take? How quickly is she saying she loves you? How are your friends and family responding to her? Are there double standards? Tries to separate you from your male friends? Tries to separate you from your family Talking about other people's secrets Has mental health issues Always in panic mode  Take me up on a Special Coaching Offer - https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer Summary In this episode, I delve into the message for young men, aiming to provide guidance on navigating life's challenges and relationships. I emphasize the importance of intentional living and setting clear goals to achieve success. It's crucial for men to establish standards and values when it comes to relationships, understanding red flags to watch out for in potential partners. I discuss the significance of finding a compatible partner who aligns with your core values, respects you, and shares mutual goals. I highlight the impact of mental health issues in relationships, urging caution and advocating for healthy dynamics. Additionally, I touch on the dynamic of separateness from friends and family, emphasizing the need to preserve these relationships amidst romantic involvements. Furthermore, I address the role of physical attraction in relationships, while highlighting the underlying importance of shared values and respect in fostering a strong connection. I caution against falling into the trap of rescuing a damsel in distress, emphasizing the need for partnership based on mutual support and stability. I also stress the need for intentional dating, prioritizing meaningful connections over physical attraction. Ultimately, I encourage young men to approach relationships with intentionality, setting clear standards and boundaries to ensure healthy and fulfilling partnerships. By prioritizing respect, open communication, and shared values, men can cultivate strong, lasting relationships that contribute positively to their lives. Thank you for listening, and remember to share this valuable insight with others who may benefit. 00:00:00 Introduction to The Relaxed Male 00:02:45 The Unique Challenges Men Face 00:07:44 Continuous Learning and Growth 00:12:13 Misconceptions About Men in Society 00:13:27 Finding Your Purpose and Facing Fears 00:18:58 The Importance of Intentional Relationships 00:22:25 Choosing the Right Partner for Marriage 00:25:18 Taking Time to Know Your Partner 00:27:27 Planning for a Successful Future Together 00:31:36 Building a Strong Foundation in Relationships 00:39:46 Key Red Flags in a Potential Partner 00:43:50 Seeking Clarity and Guidance in Relationships 00:45:18 Special Coaching Offer for Personal Growth
This is a special Message for girls who are 12 and up You have the power You have always had power in a relationship you have a purpose You just have to find it. Dont do what society says Society wants to tell you that a powerful woman sleeps with many men No, you have more power than that. Yes you can manipulate men with your breasts and what is between your legs but that is cheating yourself You are not held back by some all-scary patriarchy. First look at what a patriarch is, It is the oldest man in the family, ie your grandfather. If you are being held back by anything it is by your own thoughts. Men find you sexier and more attractive when you dress up with a bit of modesty. Wearing revealing clothes just makes you look easy when you are single. Yes, you can appear more sexy when worn from time to time. but that only fully works when you are married and you and your husband are out at a social event. You have more power over men than feminists want to admit. You ask nicely and men will crawl across a desert of broken glass just to give you refreshing iced tea. You do have to bring something a relationship what is it? Yes, we men are easy, just show us boobs and hand us a sandwich and we are generally happy creatures for the most part. Yet there is more. Men will work themselves to the bone for their woman but they want something for their efforts. But we want our women to push us. to encourage us on our adventures. We want our beauties by our sides. Do your damnedest to stay sexually pure. this is for your enjoyment as much as your husband. when you sleep with a guy outside of marriage you sadly cheapen yourself and at the same time, you rob your future husband of a fuller richer connection. Because we do take sex to mean more than just a quick release. Sex has a bigger meaning for men. It is how we see our worth. Is our wife willing to have sex with us after we have worked long and hard slaying dragons? No? then what is wrong with us? How and where did we men fail? Understand that men do have emotions Men do share their emotions. They just don't share them as women do. We need other men around. with out other men we lose the masculinity we need in our life Don't try to fix men. You will wonder where the man you fell in love with went. Summary In this episode, I address young women, from ages 12 to about 30, and discuss the challenges they face in finding a good partner in today's society. I emphasize the power that women already possess, contrary to societal messages that may suggest otherwise. I highlight the importance of maintaining purity before marriage and the value it brings to a relationship. Additionally, I delve into the emotional aspects of men, the significance of male friendships, and the creation of value in relationships. I stress the role of personal growth and the importance of making choices that enhance one's value and contribute positively to relationships. By challenging societal norms and encouraging individual empowerment, I aim to guide young women towards building fulfilling and successful partnerships in their lives. 00:00:00 Empowering Young Women 00:01:02 A Message for the Women 00:01:32 Addressing the Struggles 00:02:50 Finding Valuable Men 00:03:37 Sensitivity and Uncomfortable Truths 00:04:06 Embracing Your Power 00:04:29 Debunking Myths and Stereotypes 00:07:07 Decisiveness and Differences in Approach 00:07:57 Harnessing Your Power 00:09:06 The Value of Modesty 00:11:28 Understanding Men's Emotions 00:12:38 Importance of Quality Male Friendships 00:13:33 Building a Strong Relationship 00:16:30 Cherishing Your Identity 00:20:24 The Beauty of Sexual Purity 00:21:34 Emotional Expression in Men 00:24:15 The Weight of Sexual Choices 00:26:46 Importance of Mutual Respect 00:28:18 Impact of Social Circles 00:29:47 Learning from Mistakes 00:30:32 Contribution to Relationship Value 00:31:01 Investing in Future Relationships
When it comes to talking to each other we often get so much wrong. It isn't because we don't care or don't want to be heard but we simply don't know how to communicate effectively. Our ability to open good solid channels of communication lags behind our ability to talk. The hang-up is the habits we have created when we were growing up. Our thoughts of what the other person is saying. We believe that emotions happen to us and so when someone says something that isn't nice and doesn't feel good, we stop communicating and that is when we actually need to lean in and communicate even more. Tony Overbay at the Virtual Couch Podcast often talks about his 4 pillars of effective communication and I still don't have a fully solid grasp on them but I see the benefits enough to want to share these pillars with you. Assuming good intentions Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them Ask questions BEFORE making comments Stay present, lean in, and do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." So how do THESE 4 pillars of effective communication work? These 4 pillars are different than The 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male these help you to build a better platform of being able to be heard and understood. All while helping you and those close to you to build the much-needed connection that you crave. Assuming Good Intentions the person you are talking to didn't wake up and say they want to make your life hard today. Dont say You're wrong Even if they are, don't shut the connection off by saying they are wrong Ask Questions See to understand before being understood Dont Be a Victim You lose all respect and connections that way   Summary When it comes to talking to each other we often get so much wrong. It isn't because we don't care or don't want to be heard but we don't know how to communicate effectively. Our ability to open good solid channels of communication lags behind our ability to talk. The hang-up is the habits we have created when we were growing up. Our thoughts of what the other person is saying. We believe that emotions happen to us and so when someone says something that isn't nice and doesn't feel good, we stop communicating and that is when we actually need to lean in and communicate even more. Tony Overbay at the Virtual Couch Podcast often talks about his 4 pillars of effective communication and I still don't have a fully solid grasp on them but I see the benefits enough to want to share these pillars with you. Assuming good intentions Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them Ask questions BEFORE making comments Stay present, lean in, and do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." So how do THESE 4 pillars of effective communication work? These 4 pillars are different than The 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male these help you to build a better platform of being able to be heard and understood. All while helping you and those close to you to build the much-needed connection that you crave. Assuming Good Intentions the person you are talking to didn't wake up and say they want to make your life hard today. Dont say You're wrong Even if they are, don't shut the connection off by saying they are wrong Ask Questions See to understand before being understood Dont Be a Victim You lose all respect and connections that way   Summary In this episode, Bryan, the host of The Relaxed Male, discusses the importance of effective communication in relationships. He expresses gratitude for the growing number of listeners and their support in sharing the show with others. Bryan acknowledges the struggle of wondering if anyone is listening but finds encouragement in hearing from men around the world. Bryan explains that the lack of communication often stems from not following certain rules or pillars. He introduces the four pillars of effective communication, as explained by Tony Overbay. These pillars include assuming good intentions, not starting off with "you're wrong," asking questions, and not playing the victim. Bryan emphasizes the importance of following these rules to improve communication with spouses, children, bosses, or anyone else. However, Bryan explains that he himself sometimes fails to follow these pillars. He admits to not fully listening to his spouse and often having other thoughts in his head. He shares that his spouse often expresses frustration about certain things, and they end up blaming each other, building a wall that hinders effective communication. Bryan further discusses the fourth pillar of good communication, which is not playing the victim. He explains that it's important to ask questions and find solutions instead of trying to coach his wife, as she sees it as "Zen Buddha bullshit." By asking questions, Bryan believes that they can understand each other better and avoid conflicts. He emphasizes that yelling and preaching only result in nobody listening. Moving on, Bryan delves into the importance of effective communication in relationships. He emphasizes that when we break the rules of engagement out of frustration, we actually lose the battle and create distance between ourselves and our partner. A lack of understanding can lead to a lack of respect, so it's crucial to ask questions and seek clarity. Bryan encourages listeners to approach conversations with curiosity and to avoid playing the victim. Instead, he suggests standing up for oneself, taking care of one's own needs, and making changes in communication tactics. He concludes by inviting listeners to share the podcast with others and offering a special coaching package to those interested in improving their communication with their partners. He encourages listeners to take action and looks forward to discussing another great topic in the next episode. 00:00:00 Rules of engagement for effective communication 00:01:02 Effective communication makes you the go-to person 00:02:11 Growing audience and the power of effective communication 00:09:32 Effective Communication: Understanding Frustration and Assumptions 00:12:05 The Importance of Active Listening and Avoiding Blame 00:15:00 Asking Curious Questions to Improve Understanding and Resolve Conflict 00:18:38 The Importance of Effective Communication in Relationships 00:20:01 Avoiding Disrespect and Playing the Victim in Conversations 00:22:38 Take Action to Improve Communication and Change Your Life
I can't because of my Flaws, limitations, confines, distortions, scars, imperfections, or irregularities So many in society want to help you be OK with your flaw by helping you fight for that flaw. We turn to being a victim of our flaws instead of bettering ourselves because of it. Yet there are a few good powerful questions you could ask yourself. What does this make possible? What can I learn from this limitation? Common Disabilities ADHD - Seen as you not being able to concentrate Introvert Dipsomania Anxiety autism Why does that flaw hold you back? Your thoughts about the flaw is why it is holding you back. there are plenty of blind people who write books. There are deaf people who record podcasts. Stevie Wonder is blind but plays the piano. Addicts drop their compulsions every day. You don't have to be held back, yet you are why? Why do you want that flaw to Hold You Back? It serves you by helping you to feel safe. It doesn't help you get to your next level but helps you play the victim. Your mind helps you to play small instead of going big. Why? because it believes you are safer if you stay at home and don't venture out. You can see it as a flaw or a superpower Is it holding you back or is it the reason you are going to be great? Maybe it is the obstacle that you need to overcome to be the best.   Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we explore the concept of celebrating our flaws and overcoming barriers to achieve our goals. The host introduces the topic and explains the purpose of the show in helping men remove their "nice guy" personas and live life on their own terms. The focus is on assisting men facing challenges such as divorce, job loss, or daily struggles. Moving into the main discussion, we tackle the perception of flaws and why we tend to view them as reasons for failure. Challenging this perspective, we encourage listeners to see their problems as potential solutions. Gratitude is expressed towards the audience, including new listeners, and positive interaction with a gentleman from Bangladesh who found inspiration from the show is shared. The importance of celebrating flaws and debunking the notion of embracing limitations is explored, with examples like physical disabilities highlighted to challenge the idea that limitations hold us back. The episode delves further into how limitations can be seen as obstacles that we can overcome. The inspirational story of Oscar Pistorius, known as Blade Runner, breaking records despite not having legs is used as an example. Asking the question, "What does this make possible?" when faced with problems or barriers is emphasized as a powerful tool. The discussion then shifts to reframing certain flaws or conditions, such as ADHD, as superpowers rather than limitations. Societal norms that label ADHD as a limitation are questioned, with the perspective that it can be a valuable asset, especially in areas like entrepreneurship or multitasking. The overall message is to challenge the stories we tell ourselves about our limitations and embrace them as opportunities for growth. The podcast also explores the topic of introversion and how it should not be used as an excuse to avoid socializing. The increasing disconnect in our society is highlighted, with introversion being seen as a mindset that can be changed. Similarly, alcoholism and anxiety are both discussed as choices and normal responses, respectively, rather than limitations. The importance of facing anxieties and self-doubt head-on is emphasized. The notion of worrying about what others may be saying about us is also challenged, with the idea that negative talk can be seen as a positive influence we have on others. Autism is mentioned as a topic often talked down about, but the episode encourages embracing differences and uniquely viewing the world. It is emphasized that a diagnosis or being part of a specific group is not necessary and that individuals should focus on overcoming obstacles in their way. Success stories of individuals with autism, like Temple Grandin, are highlighted as proof that a so-called "flaw" doesn't have to hold us back. The speaker reflects on personal struggles with smoking and the decision to quit, sharing physiological issues and the lingering desire for a cigarette at times. It is emphasized that flaws and compulsions are just thoughts and circumstances that can be overcome through mindfulness and finding reasons to hold attention. Dedication and not allowing flaws to hold us back are key themes reiterated by the speaker. The speaker explores historical obstacles faced by black doctors and how they had to overcome them to prove their abilities. Listeners are urged to take control of their own power and influence in their lives, rather than resorting to destructive actions. The idea that flaws can either be destructive or become strengths, depending on how they are perceived, is reinforced. The speaker encourages listeners to see obstacles as opportunities and decide if they truly want to change in order to achieve their dreams. The episode concludes with a coaching offer exclusively for podcast listeners, providing an opportunity for one-on-one work with the host to gain confidence and find passion in life. 00:00:00 Introduction to celebrating flaws and barriers 00:03:43 The podcast is gaining momentum and reaching new listeners 00:07:00 Overcoming limitations by asking empowering questions 00:09:52 Boys vs Girls in Learning Styles 00:13:29 Introversion as an Excuse and Overcoming Limitations 00:15:28 Alcoholism as a Coping Mechanism and Perception of Disease 00:17:51 Uncertainty of gossip and assumptions about oneself 00:22:08 Challenging misconceptions and celebrating achievements despite flaws 00:25:38 Understanding and harnessing the strengths of ADHD 00:27:12 Black Doctors and Overcoming Obstacles 00:28:36 Using Flaws as Superpowers and Creating Change 00:30:08 Overcoming Obstacles to Achieve Dreams
  Many times we experience the circumstances that are other people's emotions. We people have emotional breakdowns at times. We often get ourselves into trouble for things we have no control over or any effect on if we try to change it. We often will get ourselves into more trouble if we try to change the other person's emotions. What is an emotion? Many people want us to use their manual on how to behave around them, and that works at times but people don't like to be manipulated all the time. What do we make other people's emotions mean? The truth of those emotions So we aren't supposed to care about how other people feel? No, but we put way too much stock in what we believe those emotions mean.   In this conversation, we discuss the universal nature of emotions and how people tend to put their emotions on display, which can lead to reactions from others. We introduce ourselves as Brian, a certified men's coach who helps men navigate through life challenges and become better leaders. We talk about the purpose of the show and express gratitude for the listeners. We also encourage listeners to share the show with others. We then dive into the topic of other people's emotions and how it can be a struggle, using the example of a wife getting angry. We explain the concept of the model, which involves examining the circumstances, thoughts, and emotions in a situation. We provide various emotions that could arise from a door-slamming incident and conclude by questioning the definition of a "slam." Next, I talk about how emotions are subjective and can often be misunderstood. I share a personal example of how my passionate speaking style can be misconstrued as yelling by my wife. I emphasize that most of the time, a person's anger or emotions have nothing to do with us and are a result of their thoughts. I discuss the model of circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, explaining how our thoughts create our emotions, which in turn lead to our actions and results. I highlight the problem of non-digital thinking, where we try to avoid certain emotions and end up causing more problems. I emphasize the importance of understanding and examining our emotions without resistance, even the negative ones like jealousy, to better understand ourselves. We then discuss how emotions are often displayed through our actions and body language. For example, when we're angry, we may scowl or sulk in a corner. Inaction is also a form of action, like not addressing a problem because of anger. Emotions can be challenging to control, which is why some people want a manual to help them feel better. However, others don't really care about our emotional state. People may rebel against others trying to manipulate their emotions through manuals. The issue arises when we attach meaning to other people's emotions. For example, if we see someone having a meltdown, we may interpret it as them being angry because they didn't get their own way. Sometimes, people's true emotions come out when they're drunk. This is when masks come off, and they may exhibit unpleasant emotions. Many people shy away from others displaying negative emotions, but we often try to fix the problem when it involves our loved ones' emotions. It's about being fully engaged in the present moment and noticing the thoughts that arise in our minds. When someone else's emotions trigger a reaction in us, it's important to recognize that their emotions are their own and not something we can control. We may interpret their actions as a reason to get angry or upset, but it's essential to be aware of our own thoughts and emotions at that moment. For example, I share a personal anecdote about interpreting my wife's sigh during an intimate moment as a sign of disinterest, which affected my own arousal. I later realized that her sigh may have been a momentary shift in her thoughts and not a reflection of her feelings toward me. I suggest that many men, particularly from my generation, struggle with porn-induced erectile dysfunction due to a lack of intentional focus on their thoughts. To overcome this, I emphasize the importance of being present with our bodies, paying attention to sensations and emotions, and letting go of unhelpful thoughts. I conclude that by practicing mindfulness and staying focused on the present, we can better understand our own reactions and choose how we respond to others' actions and emotions. When we pay attention and are intentional with our thoughts and emotions, we have more pleasant interactions with people. We can sit with and examine our unpleasant emotions and understand why they are not as scary as they seem. Emotions originate from thoughts and we have a wide range of emotions that make us human. We don't have to let other people's emotions control us, as we have the power to control our own emotions. It's important to understand and control our own emotions before trying to understand and respond to others. Taking the time to acknowledge our emotions and apologize for any wrongs can lead to better connections and understanding with others. We should be intentional with our actions and not use distractions, like playing video games, to avoid unpleasant emotions. At the beginning of the conversation, we expressed the importance of paying bills, even though it is not necessary. We mention that we and our spouse have discussed the issue and resolved it by voicing our concerns. We advise listeners to step away from heated arguments and take time to cool down and regain control of their thoughts. We emphasize the importance of intentional and effective communication for a better relationship. If listeners need assistance, we suggest setting up a consulting call with us. We explain that becoming a differentiated person, living as individuals while enjoying each other's company, can lead to a better life and relationship. We humorously mention the need for acceptance of each other's flaws. We offer a special coaching opportunity and encourage listeners to visit a specific website for details. This coaching package is currently free, but we mention that the price will increase for future participants. We also mention the importance of sharing the podcast and being part of the growing community. We end with gratitude and encourage listeners to take action.
The Correlation of the withdrawal of dads and The Lack of masculinity In the US, divorce rates more than doubled from 2.2 per 1,000 in 1960 to over 5 per 1,000 in the 1980s.  Marriages are decreasing Lack of dads and the increase of anxiety-ridden children Great Society - 1964 The government started taking the place of Fathers in the household and the marriage rates started to decrease in the 80's around 20 years for the new generation to start having kids. Dad's the Disciplinarian Dads the Mentor Dad baggage   links https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322877#Is-anxiety-increasing-in-the-U.S.? For instance, a meta-analysis published in 2010 took data from studies that included over 77,000 young people; the scientists found generational increases in mental health issues in 1938–2007. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/marriage_rate_2018/marriage_rate_2018.htm Increase anxiety and depression     Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host, Bryan Goodwin, discusses the crucial role that dads play in their children's mental well-being. He addresses the issue of dads being overlooked in the parenting process and the favoring of mothers in the court system. While recognizing the importance of moms, Brian emphasizes the need for dads to be actively present in their children's lives. Brian challenges common arguments against father involvement and highlights the benefits of having both parents actively participate in raising a child. He also delves into the historical context, discussing how social welfare programs have impacted marriage rates and subsequently led to a decline in mental health. The main speaker then shifts the focus to concerns about the mental well-being of younger generations, particularly millennials and Gen Z. They reference an article from Business Insider that raises alarm about Gen Zers bringing their parents to job interviews, suggesting a lack of independence and fortitude among this generation. Bryan argues that society lacks involved fathers, not just married men, but fathers who feel excluded or unwanted by women. They assert that this lack of father involvement contributes to the increase in mental health problems. While acknowledging that women can raise good kids without a dad, they emphasize the importance of having a father figure in a child's life. The roles of a father as a disciplinarian and provider of roughhousing play are highlighted as crucial for teaching restraint and discipline. Bryan criticizes the degradation of the role of dads in society, attributing it to the rise of toxic masculinity as a concept. They assert that toxic masculinity is not synonymous with masculinity itself but rather the absence of proper masculinity. The speaker believes that boys require male role models to learn what it truly means to be masculine. Addressing the issue of homelessness, Bryan argues that the absence of fathers in homes contributes to the problem. They suggest that living outside the city can be a more affordable option despite additional commuting costs. The speaker contends that homelessness has become comfortable for some individuals due to society's sympathies, emphasizing the need for discipline and mentorship from fathers. The importance of mentorship is further emphasized, as Bryan suggests that fathers should transition into becoming mentors for their children from the age of 13. Concern is expressed over the increasing number of girls identifying as boys and vice versa, with the speaker emphasizing the unique challenges faced by individuals of both genders. In the podcast, Bryan also discusses how kids are becoming more susceptible to manipulation and coercion, resulting in irreversible harm. They highlight the importance of waking up to these issues and taking action to protect children from the woke agenda. Taking funds away from schools is presented as an effective way to change teaching approaches, and the failed voucher program in Oklahoma is mentioned as an example. Bryan encourages dads to fight for their children and make sacrifices to be closer to them. They challenge the idea of being just an employee and suggest taking on bigger projects to generate income. The speaker offers a coaching package to help dads be better men and mentors for their children, with limited availability and a discounted price mentioned. The podcast concludes with Bryan providing contact information and encouraging listeners to reach out for assistance if needed. 00:00:00 The Importance of Dads for Kids' Mental Health 00:01:44 The Role of Dads and Moms in Raising Children 00:04:15 Dad's Role in Mentally Healthy Kids 00:11:35 Roughhousing and Disciplinarians: The Role of Fathers 00:13:20 The Decline of Fatherhood since the 1960s 00:14:47 Homelessness, Choices, and Mentorship 00:21:42 The Importance of Dads in Schools 00:23:42 Taking Control of Your Life and Being There for Your Kids 00:25:11 Mentoring Children for Success and Confidence
I just got off of a 7 day fast of no food or sugar. All I allowed myself was Water, Coffee, and salt. And today I wanted to share what I learned from that experience Why? What many people think fasting is What I experienced My reasons for trying a fast is I wanted to challenge myself. no diet reason No protest reason. no religious reason. Just wanted to see what it was like to fast for 7 days. I wanted to see what my thoughts when in that type of hardship was. I didn't focus on food but I noticed fast food signs everywhere. day 1 just hungry Day 2-3 Hungry at times But also noticed darker urine and no need to go poo the internet says that I wasn't getting enough water despite drinking 3 gallons of water in those two days alone Day 4-5 the hunger is still there from time to time along with the darker urine but it was beginning to lighten up to a bright yellow Oily stool Day 6-7 On normal enough days, nothing exciting happened. I was even able to go get my wife some food and not be tempted But I also went shopping and I could smell the food everywhere. Even the rotisserie chicken from across wal-mart. Results I showed myself that I could do hard things and this one didn't do the wear that the 22km walk did back in 2022. I do have worries that I may have slowed my metabolism down a bit but that is my biggest worry   Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the topic of challenging ourselves and the importance of embracing hardships. As the host of the show, I have a deep understanding of the struggles men face in their everyday lives, whether it be divorce, work-related issues, or family troubles. I am committed to helping men find the courage and confidence to relax and enjoy life to the fullest. We begin by discussing the need to push ourselves and do hard things, as our modern lifestyles have made us comfortable. Our ancestors faced regular hardships and challenges, such as the Great Depression, which forced them to adjust to difficult circumstances. It is time for us to adopt the same mindset and embrace challenges. We recognize that our eating habits have shifted from consuming food for sustenance to seeking comfort, which has contributed to the obesity problem we face today. To challenge this mentality, I recently embarked on a seven-day fast and completed a physically demanding challenge of carrying 22 pounds on my back while walking 22 kilometers. Although I faced difficulties during the journey, pushing my limits has always been something I enjoy. While there have been failures along the way, such as attempting a long bike ride, I have learned to recognize when something is beyond my capabilities. After completing the walking challenge, I realized that I had been neglecting other areas of my life, such as taking care of my house. This lack of fulfillment led me to understand the importance of pushing myself further. During the seven-day fast, I had to navigate through various physical and mental challenges. Hunger was to be expected, but it was manageable. With increased water consumption and proper electrolyte balance, I was able to sustain myself. As the days progressed, I faced temptations in truck stops and grocery stores, with enticing aromas constantly surrounding me. However, I remained focused on my fasting journey and resisted the urge to give in to these temptations. Throughout the fast, I became more mindful of my food cravings and worked to change unhealthy eating habits. I introduced healthier snack options and limited my indulgences. On the sixth and seventh days, I allowed myself a reward of cherry vanilla ice cream, acknowledging the need for balance. Beyond the physical challenges, I also focused on my thoughts and mindset during the fast. I realized that many of my thoughts revolved around food cravings and potential moments of self-pity. Dark humor among friends became a coping mechanism during this time, allowing me to navigate the tough moments. In conclusion, challenging ourselves and embracing hardships is crucial for personal growth and development. Whether it is a fast, a physically demanding task, or any other challenging activity, stepping out of our comfort zones is essential. I encourage listeners to seek out these opportunities and appreciate the good things in life that come as a result. As a token of gratitude, I offer a free coaching opportunity and provide guidance on how to sign up. Let's all strive to push ourselves and become better versions of ourselves. 00:00:00 Introducing the challenge and its significance 00:02:49 Reflection on the show's progress and personal challenge undertaken 00:04:36 An anecdote about the host's great-grandfather's resilience 00:08:11 The relationship between comfort eating and lack of challenges 00:10:09 Challenging Myself: Adventures and Bike Rides 00:11:40 From Bike Rides to Car Rides: Lessons Learned 00:13:36 The Experience of Fasting for Seven Days 00:19:03 Tempted by the Aromas of a Truck Stop 00:22:27 Grocery Shopping Temptations and Snack Selections 00:27:52 The Importance of Paying Attention to Your Thoughts 00:32:00 Embracing Discomfort and Overcoming Challenges 00:34:48 The Benefits of Taking on Challenges in Life
What is buffering? The avoidance of thoughts and emotions So we have a reason to not try Why do we buffer? So we do not have to face the uncomfortable thoughts and emotions we have Our mind's way of helping us stay small and not be noticed We like to look to the past for reasons to not go forward. We let the past hold us back from the success we could have. Ways we buffer Phrases I have never done this before That is how everyone else has done it before I have seen this before The Old days were better Talking about the past or nostalgia You won't let go of Grudges Links Mentioned 36 Questions Take The Next Step In episode 211 of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the topic of how the past can hold us back and discuss the concept of buffering. Buffering refers to the act of avoiding thoughts and emotions by distracting ourselves with other activities. Unfortunately, many of these activities are unhealthy habits such as excessive shopping, video games, or pornography. Engaging in buffering behaviors prevents us from facing our problems head-on and hinders our personal growth and progress in life. To move forward, we must overcome our fear of discomfort and embrace new experiences, much like when we were learning to walk or ride a bike. By examining our thoughts and breaking down our problems, we can conquer buffering and achieve our goals. During this part of the podcast, I emphasize the importance of not allowing past experiences to hold us back from trying new things. To illustrate this point, I share a personal anecdote about learning to ride a bike and how I had to face challenges and make mistakes to eventually succeed. I highlight the significance of understanding our partners' preferences and energy in relationships, using the example of pet names. I stress the need for open communication and adapting our approach to better connect with our partners. Additionally, I discuss the significance of having realistic expectations when rekindling long-term relationships. We all strive for deeper connections with one another. It's not about constantly being at odds, but rather about forging meaningful bonds. For me, this involves focusing on two main pillars: my body and my community, with my wife playing a vital role in the latter. While we spend a significant amount of time together in the same house, it is crucial to intentionally spend quality time together. We have begun asking each other thought-provoking questions from a set of 36 questions designed to strengthen love and understanding. Reflecting on the past, I used to hold onto resentment towards my wife for rejecting me sexually. However, I have come to realize that sex is not solely about my desires. It takes effort to create a safe and comfortable space for my wife to want to engage in sexual intimacy. I need to appreciate and understand her perspective instead of dwelling on my frustrations. I now understand that relying on past hurts as an excuse to distance myself emotionally is counterproductive. Building a fulfilling physical relationship requires trust, mental insight, and a profound understanding of the person we love. I empathize with young men in today's dating world who may believe that offering sexual pleasure alone will sustain a relationship. Healthy relationships require so much more. Many men hold the misconception that sex is all they need in life. However, it is much more complex than that. Most men desire a wholesome and fulfilling relationship with their wives, yet many struggle to maintain it. Instead, they choose to buffer by indulging in activities such as watching television, reminiscing, or immersing themselves in pornography and video games. Unfortunately, this buffering behavior prevents them from cultivating deep relationships with their partners and children. Men often cling to grudges that ultimately end up harming themselves rather than the person they resent.  To live a fulfilling life, men must let go of the past, abandon buffering behaviors, and take intentional steps towards their goals. By doing so, they can cultivate better relationships, create successful businesses, and experience overall happiness. The key is to start making decisions and cease allowing past experiences or the actions of others to hinder our success. Victims never win, but those who take action and move forward do. If you are seeking assistance in achieving your goals, I urge you to reach out for free coaching for a six-month period. Through this coaching, you can improve your mindset, build strong relationships, discover your passion, and accomplish what you truly desire in life. Contact me for more information, but keep in mind that spots are limited and the offer for free coaching will not last forever. The price will eventually increase, so seize this opportunity now. Thank you for listening, and I wish you a fantastic week. Until next time! 00:00:00 The Past: A Barrier to Success 00:00:43 Introducing The Relax Mail and Helping Men Through Struggles 00:02:58 Appreciating Female Listeners and Their Impact 00:08:29 Childhood bike accidents and bruised crotch memories 00:10:35 Trying something new and making mistakes in relationships 00:18:28 Men are more complicated than just wanting sex and food. 00:20:01 Let go of the past and embrace new possibilities. 00:23:00 Stop looking back and start taking steps forward. 00:25:12 Stop being a victim and start being a doer. 00:28:14 A Slip of the Tongue 00:28:37 Limited Time Offer: 100% Off Coaching Package
New year has arrived how are you going to have the best year in your life? Plan and pursue Why having plans is needed - https://www.relaxedmale.com/why-you-want-to-plan-your-year/ Build your 4 pillars Man's Mind Man's Body Man's Soul Man's Community Get a coach What I am doing this year Fasting 4 times Getting 10 clients Getting a coach End of the Year Information < hr >   In this episode of The Relaxed Male podcast, the host begins by welcoming listeners and discussing the importance of being intentional in the new year. They stress the need to make plans and set goals rather than just talking about them. The host acknowledges that decision-making can be challenging for men but encourages them to overcome their fear and take action. The main speaker dives into the concept of decision-making and the fear of missing out on other options. They believe that making decisions can make a person stronger, despite the common excuses people make to avoid planning and setting goals. They emphasize the importance of pushing oneself and going through challenges to become a better person. The speaker criticizes men who desire attention from attractive women without putting in the effort to improve themselves. They then share their own goal of fasting for seven days but mention that their spouse expressed concerns and questioned the safety of the decision. However, the speaker is confident in their ability to complete the fast and mention an example of someone who went over a year without eating. They acknowledge that hunger pains and temptations will be a challenge but express determination to overcome them. They plan to repeat the fasting challenge four times throughout the year to improve their physical pillar. The main speaker discusses the discomfort that comes with learning something new and the importance of having a plan. They share a link to a blog post about the benefits of planning and explain that our brain's natural inclination is to seek pleasure and avoid pain, making learning new things challenging. They also emphasize the need to step out of our comfort zones and embrace the discomfort of setting goals and experiencing failures. They introduce the four pillars of relaxed mail, which include the mind, passions, body, and community. The speaker suggests working on the mind by reading books and listening to educational podcasts, pursuing passions, taking care of the body through exercise and proper nutrition, and building a strong community of meaningful relationships. The speaker discusses the importance of having a strong community and setting a goal to have 10 close friends. They emphasize the need to actively engage with others, learn something special about them, and form meaningful relationships. They acknowledge that some may feel overwhelmed by this idea and come up with fear-based thoughts, but it is essential to open oneself up to others and build a community. The speaker highlights that seeking support and guidance from a community can help apply what one has learned and make progress in various aspects of life. They also mention the importance of having a coach who can help identify and overcome limiting beliefs, provide guidance and accountability, and propel personal growth further. The main speaker plans to fast four times and acquire 10 clients while seeking a business coach to enhance their coaching practice in the upcoming year. The main speaker continues by sharing the history of The Relaxed Male, which started as a men's catalog and evolved into a blog focused on helping men. They reflect on the growth of their podcast and the fluctuations in listenership over the years. They express gratitude for every listener and emphasize the importance of providing value and trusting that success will come with time and consistency. The host encourages listeners to share the podcast with others and invites them to explore new podcasting apps that offer interactive features. They also mention a few spots still available for free coaching and highlight the importance of genuine dedication to self-improvement. The episode concludes with a reminder to share the podcast on social media platforms and visit the show notes on the website for more information. The host also encourages listeners to get in touch and leave a message on the website if they're interested in free coaching. The episode ends with a message of gratitude to the audience and the anticipation of future growth. 00:00:00 Welcoming 2024 and Making It Your Best Year Yet 00:09:58 The Transformation of a Lump of Coal into a Diamond 00:16:27 Understanding and managing our wife's emotions 00:19:00 The importance of making a plan and setting goals 00:26:38 Building a Strong Community for Men 00:36:11 Consistency and Growth in Special Day Posts 00:46:05 Building a Viewership and Changing Society
In this episode of the Relaxed Male podcast, the main speaker discusses the importance of investing in oneself and the different aspects of life that are worth investing in. They highlight the benefits of learning new skills and investing time and money in personal development. The speaker emphasizes the value of maintaining physical health and pursuing passions wholeheartedly. They also emphasize the importance of investing in relationships and building a strong support network. Financial investments are mentioned as well, with the need to balance risk and potential outcomes. Additionally, the speaker discusses the value of acquiring knowledge through reading and attending conferences in one's field of interest. Coaching is also highlighted as a significant investment for personal growth and mindset shift, with the announcement that the main speaker is currently offering free coaching for six months. The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to reach out and take advantage of the coaching offer, as well as a message of optimism for the year ahead. 00:00:25 Introduction and explanation for delayed episode recording 00:03:09 Differentiating between time and money as investments 00:06:30 What to invest in: personal, body, passions, relationships, finances 00:09:49 The significance of investing time in learning and self-improvement 00:11:38 Mastering Thoughts to Avoid Overeating and Unhealthy Habits 00:12:19 Mastering your body and learning new things 00:14:10 Investing in weight loss and pursuing passions 00:15:37 Investing in training and pursuing relationships 00:19:09 Investing in Mind, Body, Soul, and Community 00:20:26 Various Ways to Invest in Yourself 00:23:44 Major Returns through Coaching 00:25:30 Unlocking Possibilities through Coaching 00:27:16 Investing in Personal Growth through Coaching 00:28:24 Free Coaching Offer with Limited Spots Available 00:29:06 Double the Value: 6 Months of Free Coaching 00:30:53 Wrapping up 2023, Exciting Year Ahead
In this episode of the podcast, we delve into the topic of setting boundaries during the holiday season when families come together. We recognize that the mixing of families can sometimes lead to problems due to a lack of understanding of boundaries. As the host, I introduce the purpose of the show, which is to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live on their own terms. We discuss the importance of boundaries and how they can make our lives better. We acknowledge that each family has their own set of expectations and rules, which can lead to stress and anxiety when different viewpoints clash. I mention the concept of a "manual," which is the set of thoughts and beliefs we have about how others should behave. We highlight the need to overcome the desire to control others and the potential conflicts that can arise. It is emphasized that letting go of rigid expectations and relaxing during the holiday season can lead to a more enjoyable experience. Moving on, I reflect on the idea of manuals and expectations that we have for ourselves and others. I give examples of how we all have our own manuals and expectations, such as expecting a two-year-old to stay at the table until they finish eating. I discuss the importance of respecting others and the emotional response that can arise when we hear someone being disrespectful. Political discussions at the dinner table are mentioned as a sensitive topic that can cause anxiety, particularly in young people. We explore how everyone has their own manual and how we can take things personally when others behave differently. The example of dealing with an intrusive mother-in-law and the harm that can stem from harmful manuals in such situations is brought up. Additionally, the potential problems that excessive drinking can cause, as people tend to speak their minds while intoxicated, are discussed. We then discuss the challenges of setting boundaries and the fears and thoughts that may arise. It is mentioned that worrying about what others will think if we establish boundaries against them can be a concern. However, we emphasize the importance of prioritizing the well-being of ourselves and our families. The effectiveness of boundaries in limiting certain aspects of relationships is acknowledged, but also the potential for them to prevent people from getting closer to each other. For instance, if a boundary is set against a mother-in-law disciplining a child, it is important to be prepared to enforce it and deal with any potential backlash. The support and agreement of one's spouse when setting boundaries is emphasized, as it can make the process easier. Prior to attending a family gathering, it is recommended to discuss expectations with one's spouse and establish boundaries around issues such as excessive drinking. It is further emphasized to be prepared for others to have thoughts and opinions about the boundaries, but to remain firm in one's decisions. It may take time for family members to respect and adhere to the established boundaries, and they may try to test the limits. However, it is crucial to stand one's ground and enforce the boundaries that have been set. Some individuals may not respect the boundaries simply because they do not respect the person setting them. In the case of a mother-in-law, there is a high chance she may try to cross the established boundaries. To effectively set boundaries with family members, it is important to establish clear rules and communicate them effectively. It is acknowledged that there may be resistance or pushback, but standing firm in one's boundaries is crucial. By notifying family members in advance and calmly explaining expectations, it is possible to respectfully enforce the boundaries. It is recognized that one cannot control how others react, as they may have their own thoughts and objections. However, maintaining the integrity of the boundaries and following through on the consequences that have been established is emphasized. This may include leaving a family gathering early or missing out on certain events. It is normal for anxiety and worries to arise throughout this process, but understanding that setting boundaries is a personal decision can help alleviate some of these concerns. The idea that one is allowed to have their own thoughts and ramblings in their mind is mentioned, highlighting that they are just thoughts and not necessarily reality. It is acknowledged that what one perceives as yelling may not be perceived the same way by others. The importance of setting boundaries, even if they may seem unreasonable to some, is emphasized as a personal decision. The discussion concludes by encouraging listeners to share any resonating thoughts on social media and to reach out for help with setting boundaries or living life on their own terms. The availability of six months of free coaching is mentioned, enticing listeners to connect and see how they can help each other. The episode ends with a final thank you and well wishes until next time. 00:00:00 Setting Boundaries During the Holidays 00:02:28 The Challenges of Family Manuals and Expectations 00:07:15 The User Manual: Our Individual Expectations and Reactions 00:09:10 Balancing family dynamics and personal boundaries 00:11:00 Setting boundaries with intrusive family members 00:17:35 Establishing Boundaries with Family 00:19:30 Enforcing Boundaries and Consequences 00:24:13 Thank you for listening, share with others 00:25:20 Reach out for help in setting boundaries and living on your terms
In this part of the conversation, I, Brian, the host of the show called Relaxed Male, discuss the concept of victimhood and how I personally left behind the victim mindset. As a certified men's coach, I aim to help men remove the "nice guy" persona from their lives and live on their own terms. In this episode, I focus on the negative impact of adopting a victim mentality and how it affected me. I explain that despite experiencing certain events in my early life, such as my parents' divorce and moving with my dad, I refuse to label them as traumatic. Instead, I believe that my anger and grudges stemmed from my own thoughts and perspectives. I share an example of how I had a difficult time following instructions and even got a teacher fired because I stubbornly refused to do something she asked of me. Throughout my academic years, I would often blame others for my lack of success, such as my dad for not disciplining me or my teachers for not teaching me effectively. However, I eventually realized that it was my own fault for not putting in the effort and taking responsibility for my actions. This pattern continued into my college years, where I blamed my roommate for not understanding my financial situation. But deep down, I knew that I needed to take control of my own life and stop playing the victim. It was only through this realization that I started to see the consequences of my lack of responsibility, such as being stuck in low-level jobs without any progression. As I became a parent and got married, I recognized that I needed to take responsibility not just for myself, but also for the direction of my family's life.   share how we would talk about our dreams, hopes, and aspirations as a family, but I never took the necessary actions to make them a reality. Eventually, I hit a midlife crisis at the age of 40, realizing I hadn't accomplished anything and missed out on opportunities like taking my kids camping. I learned the hard way that someday never comes and we need to approach life with intention, not playing the victim. Without direction, we're just floating and can't get anywhere. Playing the victim had also hindered my professional growth and nearly cost me my marriage. I started seeking intimacy elsewhere, which almost led to an affair. Thankfully, my wife found out before it went too far. I realized that playing the victim only holds me back and prevents me from taking responsibility for my actions. Victims do not earn respect because they refuse to learn from their experiences. Once I stopped playing the victim, I began making progress and achieving more in life. I emphasize the importance of accepting responsibility for all actions, even when the results may seem unfair. Taking responsibility also applies to leadership roles, as it builds trust within a team. I offer coaching to anyone who wants help in breaking free from the victim mindset. I mention a once-in-a-lifetime special where five people can receive six months of free coaching from me, but the spots are limited. Interested individuals can reach out to me through email or my website to sign up for coaching. I express gratitude to the listeners for tuning in and encourage them to ask questions or share the podcast/show with others. I let them know that I am open to having conversations and reaching out to others. I ask listeners to spread the message of Relaxed Male by sharing the podcast/show on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I emphasize that growth can only happen with the help of listeners sharing the content. In conclusion, I thank the listeners once again and wish them a great rest of the week. If you would like to take me up on the special offer please email me bryan@relaxedmale.com   00:00:00 Introduction to the topic of victimhood and leaving it behind 00:01:35 Welcoming new listeners and addressing their problems 00:03:00 Sharing personal experience of parental divorce and custody 00:04:14 Grudges and anger towards parents and stepparents 00:05:19 Taking responsibility for personal thoughts and actions 00:06:57 Recognizing patterns of avoiding responsibility and facing consequences 00:09:08 Carrying victim mentality into college life and financial struggles 00:10:39 Realization of Lack of Responsibility and Stagnation 00:19:32 Breaking Free from the Victim Mindset 00:22:33 Embracing Leadership and Leaving Victimhood Behind
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I talk about the topic of overwhelm and how to control it. I introduce myself as a certified men's coach, grateful for the positive impact my show has had on men's lives thanks to the support of listeners. I explain that overwhelm occurs when we take on too much and feel uncertain about our next steps. I emphasize that overwhelm is not solely caused by external circumstances, but also by our own beliefs about needing to do more. I discuss the idea that overwhelm is not created by external circumstances such as work assignments or family pressures, but by our thoughts about these circumstances. I highlight that overwhelm is just an emotion, a vibration felt throughout our bodies. By understanding this, we can alleviate some of the pressure and not let overwhelm consume us. I identify specific thoughts that contribute to overwhelm, such as putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves, believing there are only extreme outcomes, and setting unrealistic expectations. By recognizing and challenging these thoughts, we can prevent overwhelm. I explain that overwhelm hinders our progress and prevents us from taking action. The belief that we must be perfect before starting something keeps us stuck. People-pleasing and the fear of disappointing others also contribute to overwhelm. Poor time management and an inability to say no can also lead to overwhelm and eventual burnout. To control overwhelm, we need to recognize when we're feeling it, understand that busyness doesn't solve the problem, and be intentional in our thoughts. We must question whether we've taken on too much and learn to say no. By changing our thoughts and beliefs, we can overcome overwhelm and regain control. I stress the importance of changing our thoughts and learning to say no when we don't have the capacity to take on more tasks. Effective time management and getting more done in less time can also help combat overwhelm. It's crucial to examine the beliefs that lead us to say yes to everything even when overwhelmed. Instead of pushing through and telling ourselves lies, it's better to be honest and communicate our limitations. By changing our thoughts and being intentional with our emotions, we can fight overwhelm. I offer free coaching sessions to assist those who need help in combating overwhelm. Listeners can reach out via email to get more information and start living a life without overwhelm. If this resonates with them, I encourage them to share the episode with others who may benefit. Thank you for listening and take care. 00:00:00 Introduction: Exploring Overwhelm and Control 00:06:12 Overwhelm: Understanding the Source 00:09:02 Breaking the Pressure Valve: Overwhelm is Just an Emotion 00:17:23 Overwhelm caused by poor time management and taking on too much 00:19:31 Control overwhelm by being intentional with thoughts and saying no
In episode,  we delve into the common challenge of setting new year's resolutions and subsequently abandoning them shortly after. This often stems from the obstacle of not having the desire to put in the necessary effort or make the required changes.  I shed light on the resistance and obstacles we encounter in various aspects of our lives, ranging from mundane tasks to substantial responsibilities like paying taxes. I lay emphasis on the importance of making choices based on our genuine desires, even if it entails exerting effort and making sacrifices. Life consists of a series of choices, and conquering the "I don't want to" mentality is pivotal for personal growth and success. The easiness of the path we choose often stems from our unwillingness to endure the discomfort associated with doing things we don't want to do. Reflecting on a blogging prompt, I realized that I consistently try to skip certain parts of my routine. I don't want to wake up early and exercise or engage in activities that take me out of my comfort zone. However, if I truly aspire to make changes in my life, I must rise above these desires. One effective way to tackle this is by having a clear vision of what I want to achieve. In my case, it involves building a prosperous coaching practice and leading life-changing trips for men. However, I cannot accomplish these goals if I settle for a meager income. I highlight the irony of complaining about wealthy individuals, as they provide opportunities for others. Stepping out of my comfort zone, I outline a specific vision for my future, including the house I intend to construct and the land I aspire to possess. Although this vision may evolve along the way, I presently possess a plan and a willingness to embrace failure as an integral part of the process. Despite attempting different approaches such as advertising and sales, they didn't yield desired results because I didn't have the inclination to pursue them in the first place. Moving on, we delve into the significance of honing selling skills and finding effective strategies to overcome obstacles. One suggestion is cultivating an accountability partnership to maintain motivation and stay on track. We underline the importance of examining the resistance we experience towards certain tasks and goals and assessing whether they align with our values and personality traits. Additionally, delegating tasks that fall outside our expertise or aren't worth our time is crucial. Appreciating the value of our time aids in prioritizing tasks efficiently. Shifting focus, we discuss the concept of our different zones. Initially, we address the issue of spending money on tasks that we could delegate to others. Instead of investing in expensive equipment, hiring technicians proficient in efficiently handling such tasks proves to be a cost-effective option. We then explore the idea of different zones within our work. The first is the zone of incompetence, where we falter with tasks that we lack skills in.  The zone of competence follows, where we possess proficiency but not necessarily passion. Many find themselves operating within the zone of excellence, where they exhibit high levels of skill but still experience friction and burnout. Lastly, there is the zone of genius, where our true passion and calling reside. Identifying and delegating tasks according to our zones is paramount. Mindset plays a crucial role in overcoming obstacles and achieving success. By examining our thoughts and making subtle shifts in perspective, we can surmount challenges and unleash our full potential. Concluding the episode, I express immense gratitude for listeners and make an exciting announcement. I will be giving away five spots for a six-month coaching package completely free of charge! Yes, you heard it right, absolutely free. However, this opportunity necessitates time, effort, and a testimonial from participants at the end. This arrangement enables me to obtain testimonials while simultaneously providing value to individuals. It doesn't matter who you are or what aspect you want to work on, we will collaborate for six months, once a week, to tackle any challenges you face and set you on the path to success. Interested individuals can email me at bryan@relaxedmail.com , with the subject line indicating their desire for the free coaching. We will then schedule a Zoom call to find a mutually convenient time. Keep in mind that these five spots are limited, so act swiftly! Future opportunities at reduced rates will be available, but don't wait for that. Lastly, I reassure listeners that they can reach out to me through social media or personal contacts with any questions they may have. With that, I bid them a fantastic and productive week ahead, urging them to confront any obstacles head-on. 00:00:00 New Year's Resolutions: Overcoming the "I Don't Want It" 00:01:07 Introduction: Helping Men Overcome Suffering and Play Small 00:02:36 Teaser: Big Announcement at the End of the Show 00:04:35 The Resistance in Our Lives and the Swamp of Ida 00:06:11 Choosing "I Don't Want" Because It's Easier 00:07:18 Overcoming "I Don't Want" to Make Changes in Life 00:09:31 Dreaming of Living Off the Land 00:11:04 Accountability and Finding Alignment with Yourself 00:17:35 The Costly Mistake of Misallocated Resources 00:19:08 Finding Your Zone of Genius 00:22:21 Setting up a console call to address the problem 00:23:51 Announcement: Giving away free coaching spots for testimonials 00:24:38 Offering Free Coaching for All, Regardless of Gender or Genre 00:26:01 Limited Time Offer: Discounts Decrease Over Time
In this episode we explores the theme of redemption and the belief many men struggle with, feeling unworthy due to past mistakes. Bryan reflects on his own penchant for talking and lack of conversation opportunities while driving a truck. He highlights how many men limit themselves based on past actions and the false belief that they are undeserving of happiness and fulfillment. Bryan candidly discusses his personal journey of self-improvement, acknowledging his past shortcomings and struggles with a victim mindset. He emphasizes the importance of reflecting on how one has changed and evolved, even if they were the same person years ago. Bryan shares insights from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz, which supports the belief that we shape our reality through our agreements. He discusses the power of words and the impact they can have on our self-esteem and pursuit of passions. Bryan introduces the four agreements: being impeccable with our words, not taking things personally, avoiding assumptions, and always doing our best. He explores the transformative power of positive thinking and the ability to let go of regrets. Bryan encourages listeners to embrace personal growth, confront their fears, and take steps towards fixing past mistakes. He offers a coaching program to help individuals examine their thoughts and adopt empowering beliefs. The goal of the podcast is to support men in living fearlessly and on their own terms. 00:00:11 The Road to Redemption Begins 00:01:38 Spike in Downloads and Gratitude to Listeners 00:03:09 Self-Worth and Redemption: Overcoming Past Mistakes 00:11:51 Embracing Personal Growth and Overcoming Victim Mentality 00:13:28 The Power of Agreeing or Disagreeing with Others' Judgments 00:22:27 Taking things personally and the realm of misery 00:25:15 Always do your best, live life to the fullest 00:32:42 Society's Misconception of Men
Accessing your why Your purpose What comes with purpose? Gratitude Growth mindset The desire to keep learning   See How I can Help you  Summary In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I, discuss the importance of making small changes in our lives to find fulfillment and energy. I believe that understanding the root causes of our suffering and learning to relax and enjoy life is essential. I have noticed that many men start new endeavors with enthusiasm but quickly lose motivation. Today, I want to explore why this happens and highlight the importance of accessing our purpose or "why." I specifically discuss the example of losing weight and how it is crucial to shift our mindset from "I gotta" to understanding the deeper reasons behind our desire for change. Accessing our purpose and aligning our goals with self-love rather than external expectations can lead to fulfillment and energize us each day. I express gratitude for my listeners and share my excitement for future episodes and ideas. During the episode, I talked about the concept of a reticular activator, which is our brain's tendency to focus on the opposite of what we tell ourselves. I stress the importance of finding a personal "why" or motivation for pursuing goals. Accepting ourselves for who we are in the present moment is also crucial. For example, if we want to lose weight, we need to set achievable goals and focus on feeling better rather than solely achieving a certain weight. I also discuss the significance of self-acceptance and changing our perspective on our own body image. I emphasize that external factors and objects cannot bring lasting happiness or fulfillment, and that true motivation and energy come from within. I encourage my listeners to reframe their thoughts, find gratitude in everyday tasks, and cut out negative self-talk and self-judgment. I urge them to start seeing themselves in a better light and focus on feeling fulfilled rather than solely on physical appearances. Expanding our perspective and shifting our mindset is crucial. Let's stop fixating on our flaws and start accepting and loving our bodies. If that seems too difficult, we can find something we do like about ourselves, such as nice shoulders or a full head of hair. Starting with something positive, we can work on changing our self-talk and view of ourselves. It won't be easy, considering we've spent years criticizing ourselves, but we can't let old habits control us. We need to challenge negative thoughts and remind ourselves that we are not defined by our physical appearance. By changing our mindset and focusing on our purpose, we can experience more gratitude and fulfillment in life. It's important to embrace a growth mindset, accept that we will make mistakes, and learn from them. Failure is an opportunity for growth and improvement. With a desire to learn and grow, we can discover new strategies and techniques that work for us in our weight loss journey. Even small victories should be celebrated, as they can bring great satisfaction. To make progress, we must identify and eliminate limiting thoughts that drain our energy and replace them with empowering ones. This mental shift can make a tremendous difference. For those who need additional guidance, I offer coaching services to accelerate their transformation. I encourage listeners to consider alternative perspectives, share the podcast with others, and visit my blog, which contains a wealth of resources. Society needs stronger individuals dedicated to their beliefs, and together, we can foster personal growth. I express my gratitude to the listeners and look forward to the next episode. 00:00:00 Finding fulfillment and energy through a small mindset change. 00:02:23 Overcoming the cycle of motivation and failure. 00:03:20 Accessing your purpose and finding fulfillment in life. 00:09:50 Finding Fulfillment and Motivation from Within 00:10:45 Questioning the Government's Entitlement to Our Funds 00:11:18 Shifting Perspective: Finding Gratitude in Paying Taxes 00:14:03 Developing a Growth Mindset: Learning from Mistakes 00:21:31 Empowering Men to Become Better Versions of Themselves
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