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The Silent Why

Author: Claire Sandys

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Can hope be found in every type of loss? Join Claire Sandys (and sometimes Chris), a childless couple (not by choice), to find out. Their mission is to find 101 different types of loss to see if it's possible to find hope, or even joy, through every type of grief. You can expect: first hand experiences with grief, inspiring guests, honest conversation, tears, laughter and plenty of Hermans. For the official 101 list, weekly blog posts and more about the hosts, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com.

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#075. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about. Oh, and birdsong…Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope. Support the show-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#074. Imagine being diagnosed with something that brings a huge amount of relief, but at the same time - a huge amount of grief. This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.Loss #45 of 101 - Loss through a late diagnosis of ADHDMeet Margaret Reed Roberts from Cambridge, England. Margaret was diagnosed with ADHD (a neuro-developmental condition and stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) at the age of 48 years old.  Although this provided an answer to a lot of what Margaret had been struggling with, like why ordinary tasks seemed so much harder for her, she describes the diagnosis as coming with ‘relief and grief’ - the relief of finally knowing why she felt so different, but also the realisation of a lot of loss.Since then, she has learned to recognise the strengths and abilities that being neurodivergent offers, the importance of the right environment around her in order to thrive, and the importance of not seeing ‘different’ in a negative way. For more about Margaret, you can find her on social media and through the following links:Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/margaretreedrobertswriter Twitter: https://twitter.com/geordiereed Menopause and ADHD:https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/menopause-and-adhd/God, Me and ADHD:https://www.womanalive.co.uk/god-me-and-adhd/13207.article When ADHD collides with perimenopause - podcast episode:https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/164-adhd-and-perimenopause-with-margaret-reed-roberts/ For more about ADHD from a medical viewpoint, listen to - Let's Chat... ADHD with Dr Ned Hallowell:https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7d60344a/lets-chat-adhd Support the show-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
Let's Chat... ADHD

Let's Chat... ADHD

2023-05-1622:27

#073. Let’s Chat… Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (a.k.a. ADHD)These Let’s Chat episodes are for me (Claire Sandys, host of The Silent Why podcast) chat one-on-one to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.In this episode, I’m talking to Dr Edward Hallowell (a.k.a. Ned) from Boston, a child and adult psychiatrist, Harvard faculty member and graduate, and world authority on ADHD.  Ned has spent the past four decades helping thousands of adults and children live happy and productive lives through his strength-based approach to neurodiversity.He’s written many books including his Driven to Distraction series and his latest book ADHD 2.0, he’s been featured on many media channels including; 60 minutes, Oprah, CNN, The Today Show, The New York Times, Time Magazine and much more. He has ADHD and dyslexia himself and is the founder of The Hallowell ADHD Centers in across America. In this conversation we talk about what ADHD is, why Ned refers to it as ADD, the impacts it can have on a daily life, what treatment options are available and why he believes it can be a special superpower.And with each Let’s Chat guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Ned adds to my growing list of tools. For more about Ned and his books visit: https://drhallowell.com/  And you can also find him on social media:https://www.facebook.com/DrHallowell https://twitter.com/drhallowell https://www.instagram.com/dr_hallowell https://www.tiktok.com/@drhallowellSupport the show-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
We all have triggers, but did you know that there are glimmers out there too? If you didn't, I'm here to help you discover them.Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast. My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/triggersandglimmersNow, if someone had said to me ‘do you know what a glimmer is?’ (before I saw a post on Instagram last week), I’d have thought about a small beam of light, but it turns out it’s a lot more. It’s also used in another context by a lady called Deb Dana - and if you don't already, I think you need to know about them. So join me, as I explore the other side of triggers... glimmers. If you just need a boost today, this episode is for you. To see the YouTube video of Deb explaining Polyvagal Theory, the Instagram post I read from, why I do use trigger warnings in my blogs and podcast, and other links I mention, check out the written blog on the link above.For more on Polyvagal Theory in Deb's book - 'The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy': https://amz.run/6fdL-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#072. How much harder is it to mourn the loss of a loved one when sex is involved? We're all for honest and open conversations, but how do you have them when multiple taboo subjects are part of the same story? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.Loss #44 of 101 - Loss through Autoerotic AsphyxiationPlease note this episode discusses some very adult themes around sex and death, so please use discretion where and when listening. Meet Samantha Langford from Lincolnshire, England, who’s speaking publicly for the first time about her 21-year-old brother who tragically died in 1997 when practising autoerotic asphyxiation. ‘Erotic asphyxiation’, also known as ‘breath control play’, is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the purposes of sexual arousal. This can be done through strangulation, suffocation, or neck or chest compression. The term 'autoerotic asphyxiation' is used when the act is done by a person to themselves, rather than in a couple. It’s a very dangerous practice that can lead to accidental death, which is sadly what happened with Sam’s brother.As with many accidental deaths in the home, the coroner recorded a verdict of ‘Death by Misadventure’. An accident or mistake. But one that left his family with two difficult subjects to deal with: sex and death.In this episode Sam opens up about something that’s taken her many years to know how to speak about, she talks about what it’s been like sharing on a subject that’s so sensitive, the impact on her when the topic is just a joke to others, the dangers of such practices, the loneliness of not knowing anyone else that's been through the same grief and what good has come from it in her own development as a person.For more about Sam visit her LinkedIn profile: www.linkedin.com/in/samanthabloomfieldTo read the LinkedIn article Sam wrote about her brother in June 2022 visit: www.linkedin.com/pulse/death-sex-double-taboo-samantha-langford-msc/    Support the show-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#071. Michelle Fishpaw, a mother and teacher, is passionate about National Child Abuse Prevention Month, which falls worldwide in April. In these next 30 minutes you'll find out why. Let’s Chat episodes are where I (Claire Sandys, host) chat one-on-one to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area of loss.And my guest here is Michelle, joining me from her home - where she lives with her husband and two daughters - in Rhode Island, USA. In 2000, her baby daughter Claire - two days before her first birthday - was shaken by a sitter, resulting in Shaken Baby Syndrome. Against the odds Claire survived and has just turned 24 years old, but she will always live with the long-term effects of that abuse.  We explore what this trauma was like for a newly married couple, how they have advocated and changed legislation to speak up against such a preventable action, and what advice is given out to new parents.And with each Let’s Chat guest I'm building a whole shed of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Michelle adds to my growing list. For more about Michelle and her book (including requesting a signed copy by her and Claire) visit: https://michellefishpaw.com/'Because I said I would' YouTube video of Claire: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SM_tKy1z_l0Social media links:https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075803932248 https://www.instagram.com/claires.voice/ https://www.twitter.com/michellefishpaw https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-fishpaw-a59978226/ National Child Abuse Prevention Month: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome: https://www.dontshake.org/The power of sharing your story: https://www.groundworkohio.org/post/the-power-of-sharing-your-story-elevating-claire-s-voice-for-changeClaire’s Law: Support the show-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
How do we accept, and live with, a life we didn't really want in the first place?Welcome to another My Why blog from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast. My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/acceptingalifeIdontwantThe way I see it, we can end up on two different highways when we get handed a life we didn't want or plan for:Highway One - The Acceptance Accepted Highway. Highway Two - The Acceptance Not Accepted Highway.As far as I can tell, you don't really choose which, it just happens, and lately I've had a few moments of wrestling with the fact I'm clearly on Highway Two - and that was not how things were supposed to go. I wasn't supposed to be childless, in an unpaid job with health issues. So how do I go about accepting that?!This episode shares more about my slump of an Easter weekend, how this blog came out of it, and why it's sort of a sequel to the last My Why blog/episode - What happens if I let go? [https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/whathappensifiletgo]. Turns out there's more work to be done after the letting go, there's actually coming to a point of full acceptance. Sigh. Other links mentioned:Episode: Navigating Mother's Day when you're childless: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7a23238b/navigating-mothers-day-when-youre-childlessBlog: Lost Inside, where am I?: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/lostinsideBlessings, by Laura Story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xRNrnh__SEThe Shack scene with Mack and Wisdom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUiW7bOqGPASupport the show-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#070. This week I'm reading your words, instead of mine.If you're anything like me, telling others about the kind words and compliments we receive is uncomfortable. So when I've had lovely feedback about the podcast, instead of making it public and reading it out on the episodes - like a lot of other podcasts do - I've kept it to myself. But no more!Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss. A podcast with a lot of really lovely reviews and feedback! Well, I say a lot - we could definitely do with some more.Over the 18 months I've (Claire Sandys) been podcasting, I've heard my name or words a few times on other podcasts as they read out feedback or comments I've submitted, and it always makes me smile and feel recognised and appreciated. And this week I thought to myself, 'Why don't I do that more often on my podcast?!', because I LOVE hearing from those who listen. So I'm trying it myself, and I'm starting by sharing some of the comments and reviews you've left me. A huge THANK YOU to you for listening, sharing the podcast and getting in touch.To help us further there are links to review the show and support the show further down. Or visit www.thesilentwhy.com/support to see the many other ways you can do this.-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
It can be tense living with hopeful expectations for the future but also unfulfilled expectations in your past. Do you ever feel the strain of holding those in tension and wonder - what if I just let go?This is a subject I'm blogging about because of the lovely Peter Ellis.One of the 'rewards' for supporting me monthly through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy is to choose a blog topic for me to mull over and write about, and this one was inspired by Peter.(Thank you, Peter, for your support - it means a lot to me.)So, welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast. My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/whathappensifIletgoPeter was a guest on Episode 47 talking about loss of physical abilities after a stroke, but he also struggles with being childless and the loss of expectations he had about having a 'proper family' one day, as well as the loss of children behind him to leave a legacy to. Although our paths are very different, a lot of what Peter feels I can identify with. So I decided to delve into why we have expectations for the future and the past, how short-term and long-term thinking can help or hinder us, and what happens if we try to endlessly wrestle with these pains. Is there a right time to just let go of what we hoped for? And if we do, what happens exactly? To hear more about Peter's story:Visit his blog: https://mystrokejourney.health.blog/Or listen to:Episode 47 - Loss #32 of 101 - Loss of physical ability after a stroke:https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78922fa6/loss-32101-loss-of-physical-ability-after-a-stroke-peter-ellisEpisode 66 - Let's Chat... Living with loss (Peter is one of two guests):https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/798b30fa/lets-chat-living-with-lossSupport the show-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#069. Where there's loss of human life, one person will often be found in the background - the funeral director. They quietly go about their business with discretion and dignity, engaging with families to provide support and care in their greatest time of need. But how do they personally shoulder the burden of working with loss every single day? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.Loss #43 of 101 - Loss of life for a funeral directorMeet Jonathen Harty and Chris Lord-Brown, funeral directors in Llandudno, North Wales. Between them they have more than 50 years of experience in the funeral industry, setting up their own funeral business together in 2020 - Lord-Brown and Harty Ltd.We've been eager to speak to a funeral director on the podcast since it started, to learn what it's really like in a role that deals with loss, death and grief on a daily basis. Is there an occupation that has more dealings with death? How do they cope with that and the scars it can leave, and is there hope to be found in among all the coffins? In this episode, Chris and Jonathen share what it’s like dealing with people fresh into their grief, why Jamie Oliver visits regularly, and what place hope has in the funeral business.For more about Jonathen and Chris visit: https://www.lbandh.co.uk/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LordBrownandHarty Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lordbrownhartyTo see Jonathen talking more about Jamie Oliver, the therapy dog that visits them: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-wales-58204737And if you’d like to see those beautiful Hunter Bears: https://www.facebook.com/BabyHunterBears-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#68. Many mum's across the UK are likely still glowing after a day of being celebrated, but maybe for you Mother's Day (or Mothering Sunday, to use the proper name) makes you wince a little (or a lot). Well, as a childless-not-by-choice (cnbc) woman I know how you feel, and I'm here to share how I'm learning to mark it without letting it mark me.This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.For this episode, I - Claire Sandys - decided to do things a little differently. Instead of an interview, or a prepared blog, I just switched the microphone on and winged it! I worked from a few notes I made yesterday (on Mothering Sunday, on my Supernote), and I just shared whatever felt right to share. [I also videoed it to make a 'Reel' on Instagram, so let's see if I manage to pull that together this century!] As a childless woman, and half of a cnbc couple, I know how tricky Mother's Day can be. However this year it was actually a good one for me, so I thought it might be valuable to share a little about why and how (after 10 years of struggle) that's come about.Join me as I explore why Mother's Day is a challenge, who struggles with it, how we can refocus it, and what I've found to be helpful along the way. For more about our childless journey listen to Episode 3  - Loss of fertility - where we chat in more detail about our experience: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-3101-loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1For the full blog post by Amy Young that I read from visit: https://www.messymiddle.com/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/And if there are certain losses you'd like to learn more about from us, or our guests, scroll down the 'Let's Chat...' page on our website to the list of topics and you can see some of our episodes categorised there: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat Or you can see our full list of 101 losses so far here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#067. We’ve all thought through the scenario; what items would I grab if the house was on fire? But what is it actually like to live through that at the age of sixteen, and lose all your possessions? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.Loss #42 of 101 - Loss of possessions in a house fire.Meet Harry Kind from South London, he’s a consumer rights expert with ‘Which?’, a comedy writer and you’ll also see him on TV and radio every now and then. In fact, he was on the TV when we sat down to each breakfast the other morning, prompting a shout: ‘Look! There’s Harry!’ Harry grew up in Wales and when he was 16 years old, the house his dad had been renovating for many years caught fire very late one night. Fortunately, no one was hurt and Harry, his parents, and two siblings, all got out safely. However, almost all their possessions were lost or damaged to either fire or water damage.In this episode Harry tells us what it was like to lose everything he owned as a teenager, how he reflects on that time now, what his parents must have been going through, the additional pressures the family had around that time (including Harry being diagnosed with cancer), and also the positive impact it’s had on him as an adult and the kind of person he is now.For more about Harry you can follow him on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/harrykind To see photos of the house fire and the newspaper clipping about it visit this Twitter thread or visit the episode artwork: https://twitter.com/HarryKind/status/1587797430224953348?s=20 -----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
Having blogged about every month of the year for the last 12 months (see series: 'To every thing there is a season'), I'm now reflecting and wondering if it's possible to find hope in all seasons.Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast. My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/istherehopeineveryseasonOur podcast is largely about loss and getting through grief, but it's also about hope. So, I'm on the hunt for it in every subject I tackle. The latest area I've been focusing on is months of the year and the seasons (literal and metaphorical), so having blogged about each month I'm now assessing - was there hope to be found in every month? Even the hardest, greyest, wettest ones?! Let's find out.To read/hear all my season blogs visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/blog/categories/seasons or search for a month name among our podcast episodes. And if you haven't been with me on this seasonal journey, why not start with either of these blogs and read/listen your way through the year...To everything there is a season: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/toeverythingthereisaseasonThe season of March: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofmarch-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#066. Let’s Chat… about the complexities of living with a wide variety of losses; how we face them, share them, compare them and get through them.  These Let’s Chat… episodes are for me (Claire Sandys) to chat one-on-one with a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area of loss.However, in this Let’s Chat… I’m talking to TWO guests for the first time. Peter Ellis (Loss 32 - Loss of physical abilities after a stroke) has returned with his dear friend, Katrina McNamara. They spend a lot of time chatting about loss and grief, not just because they've experienced it in different ways but also because it was embedded into their professional lives. So when they approached me to see if I'd record an episode with them chatting about loss  - I said a big fat 'yes'!  Katrina has faced loss through breast cancer, the sudden loss of her husband and shortly afterwards the loss of both parents. Peter has faced complicated grief over his parents, the loss of a career after retirement, and the loss of physical abilities following a stroke he had not long after he retired.Their very different losses, as well as working in hospice care for children, have led them to have many fascinating chats about loss and grief and they wanted to find a way to share these with others. Especially for those looking for ways through loss and the hope that can be found within it.Between the three of us we've experienced loss through childlessness, cancer, stroke, bereavement, loss of parents, pets, health, jobs, abilities and much more. We talk about the effects of social media, expectations, the impact others can have on us, comparison between losses, triggers, and helping others in their loss. There is so much wisdom and experience in this conversation, so we hope it will help you wherever you are on your loss journey.To read more about Peter’s story and follow his blog visit: https://www.mystrokejourney.health.blog To listen to Peter's full episode (Loss 32 of 101: Loss of physical ability after a stroke):https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78922fa6/loss-32101-loss-of-physical-ability-after-a-stroke-peter-ellisAnd with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Peter and Katrina add to my gSupport the show-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#065. How is grieving the loss of a loved one different when there's no physical body to bury, cremate or identify? How is getting 'closure' impacted when a body of a loved one isn't recovered?This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.Loss #41 of 101 - Loss without a bodyMeet Lisa Kolb Ruland, from Washington DC, a former New York Prosecutor, a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America’s baking and pastry program, and now a food writer and editor of the website - Unpeeled Journal - where she also writes about grief and loss. Lisa married the outdoors-loving Eric in 2012, but less than two years later he died in a mountain climbing tragedy - along with five other climbers - on  Mount Rainier near Seattle. Although three bodies were later recovered, Eric's body was sadly not one of them. In this chat Lisa helps us understand the complexities of grieving through, not only sudden loss, but also ambiguous loss. She talks about the importance of the rituals following death and how their absence for her only added to her grief. She also shares very personal things she did to try and feel like any part of Eric was near her, and shares her experiences of finding love again, with her now-husband, and also widowed, Brodie.Lisa's story is one of horrific sudden loss - in more ways than just the bereavement itself - but it's also a story full of hope, love and wisdom.This is Lisa's second interview on the podcast, her first 'Let's Chat... Food and Grief' Episode (#59) can be found on any podcast player or at: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dcf6269/lets-chat-food-and-grief For more about Lisa visit: https://www.lisakolbruland.com You can find her food writing and Food + Grief Project at: https://unpeeledjournal.comAnd to read about how the second year of being a widow can actually be harder, visit this link: https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/11/04/when-the-second-year-of-widowhood-is-harder/ -----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
My Why: Let's be love

My Why: Let's be love

2023-02-1421:32

Do you need a bit of love and hope this Valentine's Day?  Wondering what love is and where to find it? Want to hear why it's better to define our lives by love, and not loss?  Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast. My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/letsbeloveAs this episode goes out on Valentine's Day, a tricky day for some, I wanted to offer anyone feeling a bit fed up a boost of hope and some podcast love.We often focus on one type of love, especially on Valentine's Day, romantic love (or eros), but there are many types, and this episode explores why it's so important to remember the other forms that love can take.You might say: 'What's love got to do with it? Where is the love? I wanna know what love is.' And I will answer 'This crazy little thing called love? Love is all around us. Love is in the air. A groovy kind of love. Endless love. I believe in a thing called love. Can you feel the love tonight?'And you will say: 'You give love a bad name!'There's no escaping love, it's in our culture, our literature, our art, our music. People have been obsessed with it for years. Tune in to find out why it's so important, and how it might just help you, not hurt you, this Valentine's Day.  Links referred to in the episode:Let's Chat: Grieving Brains with Mary Frances O'Connor' episode: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7bd90faf/lets-chat-grieving-brainsSee the love, by The Brilliance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9dBcE4A6l8The Gravity of love, by The Brilliance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCFQfakZGKc-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
February is here, the last month in my year-long series ('To every thing there is a season...'), so what can this short, love- and pancake-filled leap year month teach us about life? Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonoffebruary This My Why is the final month in my series looking at all the months of the year and what each one is teaching me about life, loss, love, hope or hedgehogs. Since March 2022 I've been using the first blog of the month to assess what I can learn or love about the month ahead, and I have to say - I'm going to miss it.It seems fitting to end on February because it was also the last month to be added to our calendar year, so it's been patiently waiting, once again, for me to get to the end of my series and take a look at what it has to teach us. And did you know it was once called Mud Month?So if you want to know why we sometimes skip leap years, why February's so short, why we make pancakes, why we celebrate love, why I mention purple, or why you should like this month at all? This one's for you.And if you want to continue with the series or start again, you can read/listen to 'The season of March' here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofmarch-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#064.  Another milestone reached! We've hit loss number 40 on our mission to explore 101 different types, meaning we only have 61 (!) to go.In this episode we (Chris & Claire Sandys) pause briefly to discuss what we've learned so far on this journey. What are the takeaways? What has encouraged us? What will we try in the future? What's most memorable about the last 10 losses we've explored?We're loving every second of talking to others on this podcast, but we're also learning a lot about healthy ways to process our own childlessness grief.And because we ask every guest 'What's your Herman?', we've mixed together the last 10 guest's Hermans - so tune in for the not-yet-famous 'Hermontage' to hear what they want to share to help you in your loss.And if you don't know what a Herman is, visit the link below. Huge thanks to Losses 31-40: Vlad Korotkov & Irina Karaseva (our first couple interview), Peter Ellis, Hui-wen Sato, Greg Williams, Edy Nathan, Mary Turner Thomson, Mark Riddles, and Sheridan Voysey.If you'd like to see our guests and encourage them, pop over to our social media for the latest collage of their lovely faces and hit 'like'.-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
#063. What is actually going on in the brain when we grieve? And how do grief and science work together?This Let’s Chat episode explores the affect of grief on the brain and whether science can help us understand grief and love, or even prepare for loss. These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead our 101 loss episodes, as I (Claire Sandys) chat to a guest who has lived-experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.In this Let’s Chat I’m talking to Mary-Frances O'Connor, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Arizona, and author of the book 'The Grieving Brain: The surprising science of how we learn from love and loss'. Mary-Frances conducts studies into understanding the grief process from a psychological and physiological point of view.  Last year, a friend sent me an interview with Mary-Frances for The British Psychological Society and the headline was - 'You can't really study grief without studying love' - I instantly knew I needed to talk to Mary-Frances on the podcast about this, and when I asked her, she said 'yes!' (my favourite answer).  Interview link: https://www.bps.org.uk/volume-35/may-2022/you-cant-really-study-grief-without-studying-loveMary-Frances brings a new perspective to loss, the part love plays in grief, why going through love and then loss is still better than not loving at all, and the distinction between grief and grieving, as she chats from from a viewpoint we haven’t really tackled yet on the podcast - science. For more about Mary-Frances and her book visit:https://www.maryfrancesoconnor.com/To buy 'The Grieving Brain' visit: https://amz.run/6gpP (now out in paperback too) And you can find her on social media at:https://www.twitter.com/doctormfohttps://www.facebook.com/maryfrancesohttps://www.instagram.com/doctormfoconnorhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/maryfrancesoconnor/And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a tool shed (metaphorically) of toolSupport the show-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
I love the comedy-drama Ted Lasso and so it was always going to be next on my list of TV programmes to explore on the podcast. Specifically around how the programme approaches loss and grief in Season 1.Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast exploring every type of loss and grief and all the places we find them.I'm Claire Sandys and every now and then, among our regular episodes looking for 101 types of loss, I've decided to share another love of mine - commentating on fictional storytelling. And to remain on theme I'm going to explore specific programmes, books or stories that handle grief or loss in a particularly good (or maybe even bad!) way.The programme I'm dissecting today is a comedy-drama that launched in 2020 - Ted Lasso (Apple TV+).  SPOILER ALERT: This episode does contain spoilers from 5:40 onwards, basically after my husband's impromptu piano rendition of the theme tune (which is always worth hearing!)So join me as I take a closer look at the themes of grief and loss in these episodes and how the writers and producers handled a subject very close to my heart (and my podcast). Oh and it's impossible to do this review without swear words in the quotes (you'll see why, courtesy of one character in particular), but don't worry, I beeped them out, just be aware if little/sensitive ears are nearby.Watch the Ted Lasso Season 1 trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u7EIiohs6U Ted Lasso Season 2 trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reP1gVGpFKoWatch Ted Lasso on Apple TV+ or look into a free trial here: https://apple.co/_TedLasso  More trailer links: https://www.apple.com/uk/tv-pr/originals/ted-lasso/trailers-videos/-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.
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