We’re back in the Wizarding World yet again talking about a truly dreadful one this time. What good is a universe of wizards and fantastic beasts if everything is drained of color and everyone is miserable? If you were planning to escape the real world for two hours while watching Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, you’ll be sadly disappointed to find there’s a lot of events and quotes spoken verbatim from our real life in this movie than you’d expect. So grab your cool stick and pu...
Ooh, baby! We’re about to cross the 200-episode milestone of our show, and we have yet to cover a proper Friday the 13th movie. So we figured why not get one in at the last minute? Or at least the one where it’s not even Jason but an imposter. That’s right: if you’ve managed to avoid this spoiler for 40 years, Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning is one of the few Jason-less Friday the 13th films, and it’s buck wild. Can a movie be as (literally) dirty as it is horny? Grab some enchiladas ...
Trap is truly one of those love-it-or-hate-it movies. Does it make sense? Absolutely not. Is it a hell of a fun ride? We think so – well, most of us. Can Cooper Trap get out of this sting operation masquerading as a pop concert? Hartnett is back and we couldn’t be happier seeing him in this wild film from the great M. Night Shyamalan. So grab your ticket, find your seat, and enjoy the refreshments as you hear us talk about the movie, as well as topics such as M. Night’s complete misunderstand...
If you’ve ever worked on a feature length film before, you know one thing is for certain: it’s a miracle any movie ever gets made. It’s even more impressive when a bunch of scrappy filmmakers set out to make one with close to nothing for a budget. Hell House LLC is the first of many sequels in an original franchise that may not be the best found footage horror movie of all time, but it’s definitely a sincere effort in comparison to the tons of bad films of its kind you’ll find going straight ...
All aboard! Step onto The Midnight Meat Train with us as this week we’re talking about the 2008 box office bomb from Ryûhei Kitamura. Bradley Cooper is about to pop with The Hangover next year, but before he can do that he has to take a ride on the subway with Vinnie Jones in this strange horror thriller. Is this a secret hit? The only way to find out is to listen to our episode. So grab your train ticket and have a seat as we discuss Ted Raimi’s odd staying power on our show, the queer alleg...
As the great poet Gwen Stefani once said: this shit is bananas. 1977’s House (aka Hausu) is anything but conventional – piano monsters, mattress tornados, dancing skeletons, and a painting that spews blood. What doesn’t this movie have? For some it may be a bit too much, but for others it’s a feast for the eyes. So pack your bags and grab a slice of watermelon cause we’re going to Auntie’s house this week as we discuss the film as well as the story of how the film was made, Melody inspiring o...
We’re not quite done discussing bondage and all things kinky this week as we cover a movie we guarantee you’ve never heard of. 2000’s Jill Rips (also known as Jill the Ripper or Tied Up) is such a bad movie that it defies explanation. With more fade-to-blacks than a TV show, this thing isn’t just poorly made – it’s boring too. But what isn’t boring is our episode. So suit up in your favorite latex costume and grab a Boston cream donut to listen to us talk all about this abysmal film. Plus the...
Valentine’s Day is this week – a special time of year where couples and crushes come together to celebrate their romance with one another. But one couple will be doing no such thing. Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey (totally real names) have some problems they need to work on (but they won’t.) Make no mistake: Fifty Shades of Grey is a terrible movie, and we’re here to tell you why. So grab your floggers and spread wide cause this episode we’re getting real sexy as we discuss everything fr...
This week on the program we’re diving back into the world of multiverses to discuss a truly bizarre product of the aughts. Two Jet Lis, nü-metal needle drops, and a pre-bald Jason Statham all get mushed into a blender and out comes 2001’s The One. This obvious rip-off of so many other films that came before it (The Matrix as its main component) doesn’t offer much other than some incredibly laughable moments. So grab your wormhole detector and your Papa Roach CD, then kick back and listen as w...
Bonjour! A lot has been said already about the absolute trainwreck that is Madame Web – but we still have our fair share to offer as well. Lazy performances, confusing writing, and baffling ADR are just a few aspects worth discussing in yet another god-awful entry into the now defunct Sony-verse. So join us on our trip to the Amazon with our moms as we research spiders right before we all die as we talk about Mallie’s wrap gifts from working on the film, how 9/11 led to Ellen getting canceled...
We’re not quite done discussing the divide between liberals and conservatives this season, but this movie seems to be as 2020’s The Hunt has virtually nothing to say on the topic (other than having its characters shout buzzwords.) A swing and a miss from this Leftovers duo, Zobel and Lindelof managed to make a movie that’s all hype with no substance. But we still have a lot to say about this one, so take out your mouth gag and strap up as we discuss the film as well as do some classic dirtbag...
It’s the 13th of the month, and Longlegs only needs one more murder to complete his task! Will he succeed? Will Lee Harker stop him in time? Or will the devil claim another soul? Tune in this week to find out as we talk about one of the best horror films of 2024. Plus, we’ll discuss the annoyance of waiters singing happy birthday at restaurants, hotel room cuck chairs, and the most important question of all: what if Longlegs (and Mike Ehrmantraut) were on Con-Air? All of that and more if you ...
It’s maybe our least favorite day of the year as we’re reminded of a truly embarrassing stain on our nation’s history, so it seems only appropriate to discuss a movie that focuses on similar themes in a microcosm. 2022’s Soft & Quiet had a release that was, unfortunately, true to its name. With that being said, we’re hoping this episode will bring more people around to this fantastic (albeit incredibly triggering and uncomfortable to watch) film. So grab a big slice of pie and a glass of ...
To cap off a pretty violent year, we’re talking about a pretty violent film with the mother of all death game movies – 2000’s Battle Royale. It was The Hunger Games before The Hunger Games that cemented itself as one of the most influential films of the aughts and beyond. If you still haven’t seen it, make that correction then change into your school uniform and grab your randomly assigned weapon as we’re talking about the problem with soju (it’s too good), our strategies for beating the game...
Ho, ho, fuck: it’s our Christmas episode of 2024, and with how dour things seemed to be this year, we could think of no better movie to discuss this week than the OG Black Christmas from Bob Clark. This small hazy and eerie horror flick bridged the gap from Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho to John Carpenter’s Halloween that solidified the slasher genre for decades to come – and it’s still just as good 50 years later. So put on your comfiest sweater and grab your toilet wine cause we’re discussing ou...
If Joker: Folie à Deux is anything, it’s unconventional; jokes on you if you were expecting otherwise from a sequel to its billion-dollar grossing predecessor. This time, Arthur Fleck has gone from performing stand-up comedy (badly) to performing showtunes (badly). But what may surprise you is that we didn’t hate this one. So put on your dancing shoes and light up as Dustin (the Mayor of Movies), Nathan (the District Attorney of Movies), and JT (the Stenographer of Movies?) discuss everything...
A flood is coming, and not just the water swallowing the Earth to kill everyone and everything – it’s a brand-new season of our show! We’re back from our much-needed break, and we’re kicking things off with the last of Darren Aronofsky’s theatrically released feature films we haven’t discussed yet. It’s the one you definitely forgot about: 2014’s Noah. What a weird, weird movie. And what’s even weirder is our episode covering it. So hop aboard the ark before you get washed away as we’re cover...
As we close up shop on Season 7, we could not leave without talking about arguably the biggest movie of 2023. With 7 Oscars and an unfathomable amount of other prestigious awards, Oppenheimer is a once in a lifetime opportunity (or Oppentunity, if you will.) Christopher Nolan has finally unleashed Cillian Murphy to his fullest potentials, and Nolan's directing capabilities and Murphy's acting powers are both truly staggering. While 2023 was an amazing year for films, there was none better tha...
Before Minus One got all the love and admiration it so rightfully deserved, there was another Godzilla movie not so long ago that really stomped its way into the hearts of millions. So after 180 episodes of the show, we're finally discussing the one, the only, the King of the Monsters (but not that movie.) We're of course talking about Godzilla, but not just any Godzilla movie; it's the 2016 masterclass in satire that is Shin Godzilla. What would it look like from a bureaucratic standpoint to...
Like, we're totally diving into the radical '80s this week as we're talking all about the dark comedy slasher Totally Killer from last year. This one's, like, totally got it all: tubular time travel, snappy dialogue, and a rockin' soundtrack. So grab your Aqua Net and some bottom shelf booze as we kick off Women's History Month talking about how these women kick ass. Plus, Roger Ebert giving his ratings from the afterlife, the duality of short shorts and Saving Private Ryan, slander against S...