Patrick, who also goes by the name “See Music” shares how a tragic childhood of loss and rejection created in him a “life pattern” in which he sought out others who had similar childhoods. Unfortunately, this life patten – his need to rescue others like himself even at his own expense – lead him into a years-long toxic relationship that wound up hurting him both emotionally and financially. Patrick goes on to discuss how he recovered from this unfortunate setback: first, by recognizing the negative aspects of his need to rescue others and, second, by learning to take better care of himself.
Caregivers give greatly of themselves in time and energy. Effective self-care includes paying attention to preserving energy and seeing to physical and emotional needs. Many caregivers are unaware, however, that caregiving also involves taking in often-painful energy from a loved one or client. In this podcast, we share from our Lynn's Legacy Resilience and Renewal training curriculum to explain how a caregiver's empathic connection can lead to emotional triggering, overload, and energy depletion. Tune in for essential, key concepts for caregivers to know to preserve their health and well-being.
On March 28th, the New York Times Magazine published a powerfully revealing article about young adults caring for their aging parents - while trying to earn a living, parent their children, and preserve their own health. The statistics were dramatic. "The share of caregivers who are under 45 quintupled over the past two decades, to nearly 66 percent from 16 percent." These caregivers are "often shouldering the burden with no pay and little outside help", even from other family members. The magazine article profiles Randi Schofield as she spirals downward attempting to meet the needs of her father, who suffers from car accident injuries complicated by other long-standing health issues. Our Lynn's Legacy: Caring for the Caregiver program was created out of our own caregiving experience to respond to the extraordinary needs of family caregivers in distress. In this podcast, we share insights into the physical and emotional toll caregivers like Randi experience, and how Lynn's Legacy can help. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/28/magazine/elder-child-care-millennials.html
Are you holding on to something that's holding you back? Is there something - or someone - that feels essential but in fact is getting in your way of moving on to better things? The Survivor's Guide to Life's social media coordinator Patrick Cyuzuzo (SEE) shares from his experiences and urges you to "let it go" in this inspiring episode of our podcast.
Many people face the reality of having a loved one in need of caregiving. What will it take for them to succeed and preserve their health and well-being in this sacrificial calling, this "extraordinary reality"? Caregiving can be exhausting, depleting, and emotionally draining. The keys to resilience as a caregiver are many and in this podcast we highlight two essentials - using a team approach and being action-oriented.
What are you leaving unfinished? What excuses could you make for giving up now? Patrick Cyuzuzo has a message for you - keep moving forward, keep waking up each morning and pushing on. Have persistence; believe your season of pain and struggle will end. Through challenges big and small, you can make it through. There is hope for tomorrow
CNN news contributor Harris Faulkner, a smart, savvy woman of faith, has a new best-seller, "Faith Still Moves Mountains". In her book, Faulkner profiles stories from people who've experienced God's hand in their lives during very difficult times and crises. When we're feeling depleted, incapable, weak and hopeless, Faulkner's book reminds us that, in response to prayer, God can work through us and through others in circumstances we couldn't have imagined. In this podcast, Peter shares a dark time in his life when God stepped in through a most unlikely source.
2022 was a year of significant stress, loss and grief. Many people took on caregiving roles for loved ones without appreciating the physical and emotional toll it would take, leading to depletion of health and well-being. We've said it many times, "Self care is not selfish, it is essential," but caregivers must move beyond head knowledge to taking action. Patrick Cyuzuzo, one of our support staff for The Survivor's Guide to Life, experienced an extremely challenging health crisis during 2022. In an excerpt from a video (posted in entirety on our YouTube page), Patrick shares how he moves through adversity to resilience and growth through the power of positivity.
Born and raised in Rwanda. SEE, a Gospel and Inspirational artist, is a dedicated young man who is passionate about youth transformation, mental health, and the rise of Christ-centered youth through his music and his motivational speaking. In this special episode of The Survivor’s Guide to Life, SEE shares about some of the tragic and scary times of his life and how he was able to change his view of life so that he can look ahead to the future with hope and joy despite the many challenges he has faced.
A recent series of articles highlighting the destructive nature of relationships between narcissists and empaths has a direct bearing on caregivers and caregiver burnout. Attention-seeking narcissists, who use manipulation and exploitation to get their endless needs met, see selfless, giving empaths as the perfect people to meet those needs. Empaths seek people whose needs they can fill, often at their own expense and without appropriate boundaries or perspective about whether the other person's needs are legitimate. Caregiving is a calling for empaths. When a caregiver has a relationship with a narcissist, they can be quickly drained to the point of burnout. Awareness of these possible relationship dynamics, support and self-care are vitally important for caregivers to preserve their health and well-being.
Fragile individuals in need of caregiving can find it hard to ask for help or accept help when it's offered. Attitudes and fears can get in the way. Pride, shame, a fear of vulnerability, and a desire to remain independent can all play a part. Knowing someone who truly needs and deserves help to preserve their safety and well-being can present a challenge for someone who tries to facilitate caregiving services. Sensitivity and patience are needed to preserve the fragile individual's self-respect while not treading on their conflicted emotions.
On his recent visit to Canada, Pope Francis, visibly aging, set an example in word and action. His message was - we must all embrace our frailty and humanity, preserve the dignity of the elderly, and realize that each of us, regardless of age, is a fragile human being. From a profile in the New York Times article, "Pope Francis, Slowed by Aging, Finds Lessons in Frailty" (July 28, 2022), the Pope teaches that we are all beneficiaries when we care for and spend time with the elderly. In this podcast, we read excerpts from the article and share our conviction of the value of compassion and respect for the older members of our community who deserve our care.
Many people are experiencing significant pain and loss in our community and nation. The willingness to face our difficulties, and not run away - to be open and available to hear other people's pain - gives us a chance to heal, grow and experience a shared humanity with others who are suffering. Behind our fears of facing difficulties, health or financial challenges and other losses, is the ultimate fear of mortality. Not facing our fears, or running away, leads to acting destructively to ourselves and those around us.
We return to an article by Dr. Sunita Puri, a palliative medicine physician: "We Must Learn to Look at Grief, Even When We Want to Run Away" (New York Times, 2-23-22). The Covid-19 pandemic has bombarded our world with grief and loss. Dr. Puri writes, and we agree, that there is value in facing our own pain and mortality. We also have the valuable opportunity to relate to others' pain as fellow human beings, through witnessing their pain. As witnesses, we can have compassion for each other and come together to overcome conflict and division.
Caregivers across the country are suffering emotionally, deteriorating physically, and even getting injured, as Peter learns as he travels to Florida to spend Mother's Day with his 97-year-old mom, Pauline. As part of our new program, Lynn's Legacy: Caring for the Caregiver, we are committed to advocating for the physical, emotional, and mental well-being and resilience of our nation's over-stressed caregiving force. AARP, in their May Bulletin, offers an in-depth report on long-term family caregiving issues and we highlight a few of their key points.
Join us for a first-time screening of an informational video for our Lynn's Legacy: Caring for the Caregiver program. Also, we read from Patti Davis' caregiving memoir, "Floating in the Deep End: How Caregivers Can See Beyond Alzheimer's". In this excerpt, Patti writes about a meaningful time near the end of her father's life when they recalled their shared faith.
In today's episode, we focus on the devastating experiences of spouses or partners in committed relationships who have lost a loved one. The intense grief following such a loss causes great distress and impacts physical health and well-being. Many people don't know how to handle and express their grief and need support, even when they don't reach out for help. We also return to Patti Davis' book, "Floating in the Deep End: How Caregivers Can See Beyond Alzheimer's". While most of her memoir is on target with help for understanding and caring for someone with Alzheimer's, we disagree with her position (shared by others in the dementia community) that views affairs as appropriate self-care when one partner can no longer meet the other's physical needs. We share our conviction that such behavior is less than respectful and honoring to a beloved one.
The pandemic has been a wakeup call, challenging us to look at ourselves and our mortality. Dr. Sunita Puri, a palliative medicine physician, writes movingly of her work with dying patients and their families in "We Must Learn to Look at Grief, Even When We Want to Run Away" (New York Times, 2-23-22). Dr. Puri shares our firm conviction - that facing death and mortality without running away is an opportunity. She explains that "witnessing is essential" in her role as an end-of-life practitioner, and that witnessing "requires seeing another's pain as no different from our own." We also discuss another recent article, "Your Body Knows You're Burned Out, (New York Times, 2-15-22), which shares valuable information on another area of our expertise - the debilitating physical symptoms that can arise from unresolved stress.
We return to "Floating in the Deep End: How Caregivers Can See Beyond Alzheimer's", Patti Davis' memoir of caring for her father during the last stages of his life. Davis clearly and powerfully describes the emotional challenges she faced as a caregiver to recognize and deal with her old family-related pain and disappointment. To be compassionately present for her father as an adult daughter, she found it necessary to face her childhood fear of her mother and her anger over having felt shut out of her father's life. All caregivers face similar emotional challenges as part of their work. Denying old, negative emotions - or indulging in them - or covering them up by only "performing" the role - can lead to caregiver depression, burnout and illness, and poor quality of care for their loved one. Refusing to come to grips with ourselves and our emotional history is also a lost opportunity for healing and growth to emotional maturity
Not all caregivers are able to open up, or fully describe, the "extraordinary reality" of caring for a loved one. Patti Davis, in her memoir "Floating in the Deep End: How Caregivers Can See Beyond Alzheimer's", expresses clearly and eloquently her experience of caring for her father, Ronald Reagan. She is able to communicate the full range of emotions and challenges the experience put her through - anger, pain, loss, fear, hope and love. Patti found an opportunity to grow up, put aside old pain and resentments, and create a better relationship with her father in the present. She found creative ways to communicate and engage with her father, and help calm and comfort him in times of anxiety and distress.