The Thrive Newsletter w/ Randy Scobey

Do you believe in hell? I don’t and apparently my former pastor now doesn’t either… that set off one of our haters (of course it did). I will be writing about hell, the devil, demons on my Substack tomorrow or over the weekend. What do you think about all of that? Get full access to The Thrive Newsletter w/ Randy Scobey at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Get full access to The Thrive Newsletter w/ Randy Scobey at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Watch now | It’s the amount of negative posts, not the people. I agreed with most of the content but as an act of self-care I just had to get out of the tsunami of negativity. Also, today we celebrate our daughter’s 18th birthday by singing karaoke at a gay bar. Fun :) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Watch now | In today's podcast I share about finally getting off of Meta platforms. I still have clients I work for so I will see direct messages but I won’t be posting on my profiles or scrolling through the feeds any more. I also share why I do enjoy Blue Sky and the Substack ecosystem. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Watch now | Talking about being accused of depravity (a humorous look), and about social media and how I will be using it. Also, this GenX gay guy says do not fear but be aware! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Watch now | Talking about being accused of depravity (a humorous look), and about social media and how I will be using it. Also, this GenX gay guy says do not fear but be aware! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

We had a lot of fun, safe fun, last night. Hope you had a wonderful New Year’s Eve as well. Here’s to us as we Thrive in 2025! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

This year has been incredible as you will see in this highlight reel. Also, this year we released my first book WHY: A Memoir!! Also it was my first time at a true “Hollywood” Party, WEHO Pride, and Beverly Hills. Plus, lots of fun visiting Cozumel, Roatan, Belize City, Costa Maya, Nassau, Puerta Plata, St. Thomas, and St. Maarten! Plus loved ones and chosen family, to new friends and instant connections. Now, let me add a caveat: Apple didn’t release their AI tools until a couple of months ago, and I was unaware that they could automatically create videos from your photo albums until a few weeks ago. This compilation of several AI-compiled videos by Apple does contain some overlap (similar photos). Also, all music is not my own and from Apple suggestions.With all that said, I hope you enjoy the full video. It’s filled with lots of love and great energy! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

In this episode we talk about WHY being mentioned in my local paper, The Sanford Herald (Florida), How Elon can kiss my *** dimply ***, Christians for Kamala Harris, and what my faith looks like today. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Yesterday I was sitting in the hot tub messaging/texting friends and a small dragonfly flew in and perched on top of my iPhone. He would fly off and come right back off and on for several minutes. So I asked the Universe,” Universe, what are you trying to say to me?” So I messaged Martina and she said to google it, lol. So, I looked up the symbolism of the dragonfly and got:“The Dragonfly normally lives most of its life as a nymph or an immature. It flies only for a fraction of its life.  This symbolizes and exemplifies the virtue of living in the moment and living life to the fullest. By living in the moment, you are aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t, and to make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis.  The eyes of the Dragonfly symbolize the uninhibited vision of the mind and the ability to see beyond the limitations of the human self.  Dragonflies can be a symbol of self that comes with maturity. They can symbolize going past self-created illusions that limit our growth and ability to change.The Dragonfly has been a symbol of happiness, new beginnings, and change for many centuries.  The Dragonfly means hope, change, and love.”Kinda perfect. And, along those lines… I have an experience to share.An experience about how two BIG compartmentalized aspects of my life came together as one at a recent conference. I also made a deeper realization that owning both of those aspects as one, in the moment, is not something to be feared. I never hid my past religious activities or beliefs at work. They all know who I was and the person I now truly am. I just really tried to not talk about it too long at work because “I” was still ashamed of myself. Plus, I am there to do a specific job and all that :), not share war stories.This recent experience reaffirmed a lesson I have been learning through the memoir writing/editing/publishing process. I am one soul on one journey. I will own all of who I was and am. I will always own the moment I inhabit with the wealth of experiences that brought me to that very moment.To Begin…If you had told me ten years ago, I would be at a work-sponsored event where over four thousand LGBTQ+ professionals gathered in person at a Disney World, two thousand more virtually, to discuss how to increase visibility in the workplace…I would have blinked three times and said… huh? Who? Me? … nope NOpe noPE NOPE!Yet there I was with some colleagues a few weeks ago representing our company at the biggest conference I have ever attended; the Out & Equal 2023 Workplace Summit.And every major company was a sponsor. Well, every one of them that I like anyway. Even Cracker Barrel was there!Along with amazing keynote speakers like Laverne Cox, Netta, Brandon Wolf, Alok, and many others, we also got to hear from O&E’s CEO, Erin Uritus. I respect Erin’s passion, vision, and leadership. During the conference, I loved going to the workshops on how to better develop corporate BRGs (business resource groups), special panels on activism and its history, amazing trans speakers, resources, panels, and representation. There were interviews with authors and a whole panel of NBC lgbtq+ reporters having a great discussion on their experience as queer reporters. During the day I enjoyed wonderful conversations with my colleagues on how, what, why, and when to do certain efforts and projects where we work.I’ve said a lot over the past few years that now that I know better, I want to do better; I used to use my superpowers for evil and I want to use them for good.I did at this conference, and it felt GREAT! I felt a skillset I hadn’t fully used in a decade get passionately engaged and it was electrifying.Plus, after the day’s activity, we had SO much fun over drinks, dinner, and laughter. One night we went to the Animal Kingdom and went on the 3D screechy Avatar ride (I was the one screaming/narrating through the whole thing), swam in beautiful pools, and even floated around a lazy river at one of them. My colleagues are hilarious. Some of us adopted names: One of them is Momma, I am Auntie, another is Gampy, and yet another is Blanche! LolSo not only was it of great benefit professionally, but I also felt included in the community in a way I never felt to this extent before. I never knew this level of professional fulfillment, as an openly gay man, could exist for me. I am glad I found this job, worked hard, and earned my way into this world; it’s a good fit.Along with all of that, I had quite a few deep conversations with a new work friend, Michael Galluccio. He and his husband Jon made history in the United States as the first gay couple to legally adopt their children as a couple.  They paved the way in New Jersey for gay couples to adopt their children jointly just like any other straight couple has been able to do without question since people began adopting children. Their historic precedent would soon spread to all fifty states and even the concept of gay parenting would become mainstream due to their courage.The best part is I got to tease him many times a day for several days. He’s easily teasable. Our energies matched instantly.What?! You are swimming in the pool with HIM now!?I have permission from Michael to share this story. Below is a synopsis of a couple of conversations that I am glad we’ve had that day and beyond the pool.The question above was from Michael’s husband on the other end of the call Michael made while standing in four feet of water. His surprise came after Michael shared with him that I used to be an ex-gay right-wing conservative advocate who supported all the people who were fighting against their efforts during their adoption fight in the late 90s. Yeah… it happened. If I were Jon I would be surprised too.I probably did but I don’t remember ever writing about or talking publicly (maybe in radio interviews?) about gay adoption. I am sure I did but can’t remember where or when. But I remember their case and at the time shaking my head with religious hypocritical disdain. And here we were over twenty years later laughing, swapping stories, hanging out in a big ol’ swimming pool drinking cocktails, and did I mention a lot of laughing?Also, while Michael and his husband were lobbying for gay marriage in New Jersey, we figured out that I was the one who whipped up pastors at four different events in New Jersey to hold a protest during one of the hearings on the matter that they were at. We are still digging around to see where our past advocacy paths crossed… it’s kind of amazing.Now, this shocking phone conversation (for Michael’s husband) happened on the last day of the conference. Michael and I had some pretty deep conversations over the days so he knew my story, how I got sucked up into that world, and how I finally found my way out. I shared with him that I kept my faith but am now more of a Universalist Christian. He asked some great questions and said his mind was blown. I didn’t press him for an explanation for blowing his mind because I could see something was happening deep within him. I sensed I should let him be.It’s been several weeks and we have had a few work meetings together and offhandedly he would insert, “That time in the pool is one of the best experiences of my life.” I was shocked and thought that was out of left field but welcomed. After the second time he said it, I texted him a day later and asked if we could set up a time to talk about it. So we did…Michael shared that before I came along he would have thought that people like the self-loathing version of me, would never be able to or want to leave, the right-wing religious world; a world bent on fighting LGBTQ+ people on every level. Basically, in his mind, he had judged us as having no hope for us to escape our religious bigotry to grow and evolve.He shared that our conversations opened his eyes to how vulnerable gay people can get sucked up into that world and brainwash us to the point we can’t or wouldn’t want to leave. He said I represented a complex and very real person and not a religious caricature he didn’t even realize he had imposed on people. Michael said he realized that he was doing the same thing that right-wing haters do to their opponents: oversimplifying and looking down on his opponents with the same locked-in negative attitude.He didn’t want to be like that anymore and was very happy we met and became friends. He also said it had ignited some thoughts on his personal faith. I don’t feel comfortable sharing that part of his story. That’s his story to tell if he ever wants to do so.Embracing the Whole, not fearing the parts…I live in the Orlando area (Sanford) and drove to Disney World for the conference. On the way down, briefly… much briefer over the years, I felt that familiar knot of fear in my stomach of people bringing up my past. But over time, I have learned to not push it aside. Instead, I reminded myself that my past and present are always with me, wherever I go because I embody all of it and should embrace the wholeness, not fear the parts. I made a personal commitment to authenticity when I came out in 2015 and today I am seeing the benefits of that commitment in exponential ways.You know, using my superpowers for good and embracing my queer joy by living, loving, laughing, and swimming around with beautiful people in pools revealed something. The journey was hard AF and still can be, but authenticity is worth the very real and sometimes hard to keep commitment. It’s worth it because authenticity is the only place where personal peace lives.Thank you, Out & EqualThank you, Michael and Jon. Thanks, Universe, for the visiting message of a beautiful dragonfly.Thrive is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Thank you for reading! Get full access to The Thrive Newsletter w/ Randy Scobey at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Jeremy has been a good friend of mine since the stone age! His survivor story of going through the ex-gay world to now an out gay man who is also a chaplain is amazing. His courage will inspire you. Get full access to Thrive at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

NEW “Alive to Thrive with Randy Scobey -- Special Guest, Jacob Head (Video)” —Jacob has been a friend and inspiration for a long time. You will appreciate his candor and story. Below is the video version of the interview. Get full access to Thrive at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

During our weekly meeting last Monday, my publisher suggested the title "Why" and its corresponding subtitle for my book. I'm incredibly pleased with the suggestions and eagerly agreed with them immediately. Then I announced it online, and the ensuing discussions have only heightened my enthusiasm.I like the title Why because it is open-ended and doesn’t end with a question mark. “Why” is a powerful little word that will meet the reader where they are at. It can be read as a question or a statement.For writers, that is like word magic! :)So far, the feedback has been incredibly optimistic about the title and subtitle. Interestingly, a handful of people who knew me in my self-loathing ex-gay days asked why it didn’t say, “Why Conversion Therapy?” or some derivation of that. The subtitle foreshadows why Why isn’t narrowed down to one topic: I survived abuse only to live a lie before learning to thrive as my true self.Living a lie is when I lived and promoted ex-gay ideology (conversion therapy of a religious nature) for twenty-three years (twenty-one within Exodus). But I am about to turn 55 in a couple of weeks. That means 32 years of my life have nothing to do with Exodus or trying to live a lie. This memoir is not confined to the self-loathing version of me, so it wouldn’t be accurate to modify the title Why along the conversion therapy lines.From 1968 to 1992, I went through hell. Absolute hell. I experienced every kind of abuse (i.e., emotional terrorism, physical assault, sexual assault, systemic disenfranchisement, losing friends to AIDS, etc.) long before I heard of Exodus or what an “ex-gay movement” was. This traumatic conditioning (PTSD) is what set me up to think that the lie was Truth with a capital “T” (religious ‘cause God said so!’ kind of truth). So much so that I started teaching and promoting the lie, which then spread the destruction to others. But tragedy happened in 2013 that exposed the lie for what it was, destructive and sometimes deadly abuse. Eventually, I came out in 2015 and have been learning to thrive as my true self ever since. The book goes into all that and connects many dots that I am confident readers will identify with or at least come to a deeper understanding of how some of us ended up in the cult of ex-gay ministry and its ideology.But in another way, my story is like any other human story. Mine might be a steroid-level WTF kind of messy, but I don’t know a soul whose journey doesn’t have some WTF kind of mess at some point. Living life tends to be full of good decisions, horrible decisions, and consequences…lots of consequences. But it is also a human story of doing better once you know better, not just to live but to make amends, seek justice, and thrive.Add in all that drama sprinkled with a good dose of sardonic wit, and you get a memoir that I hope will inform, inspire, and positively impact the reader no matter what their “Why” was when they first opened the book.Coming in 2023, my memoir Why — Published by IOM Inspirebytes - Author ProfileThrive is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The Thrive Newsletter w/ Randy Scobey at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Hello Friends!Merry Christmas! I love the week before and after Christmas almost as much as the holiday itself. Everyone is so excited and doing their last-minute shopping, traditions, eating, and dreaming of getting their pit bull in a Christmas tutu (or is it just me?), but don’t because she would eat the glittery tutu first. Gigi likes to chew and eat everything. I think a goat got involved in her lineage somehow. If we ever have a wildebeest problem… she’s our girl. But, I digress, ::: lifting up a mug of eggnog ::: enjoy your holiday. I remember as a kid having great Christmas mornings with presents piled under the Christmas tree and taking a nap in the middle of all the torn wrapping paper and bows. Then, I remember piling into the car to see our extended family at Great Granny’s house. She would always greet us with a gigantic smile, hugs, and kisses and rush back to the kitchen, where she and my Great Aunt Ruby would finish cooking Christmas dinner.She made me feel special; I always got my chocolate pie and hot dogs. When Uncle Boochie died, I was the oldest blood-male relative, so I also got to sit at the head of the table. I was nervous as all got out, thinking my Uncles (married in) hated me for it.They didn’t. They could care less… Eventually, with the passing of time and Sallie Mae’s (my Great Granny) promotion to a guardian angel, the holiday feasts at her house ceased. Add that to the negativity at home; we stopped celebrating Christmas. It was “just another day,” according to my stepfather, so the celebrations stopped for all holidays and even birthdays. No more piles of presents, naps in wrapping paper, no chocolate pies, but sometimes there were hot dogs because they were easy to make.Sidenote: my stepfather is a very different person nowadays…that journey could be a whole other book. But I can say I love him with genuine affection.Later in life, during the years believing I was “called” to celibacy, sometimes I would get invites to friends’ houses. While they were lovely and inclusive, I always felt incredibly awkward. I did try to make my own set of traditions but getting drunk while decorating a Walmart tree with dollar store ornaments only goes so far. Nevertheless, I loved my humble tree. It was adorable. It was even cute when blurred by tears.Now, in the present, last weekend, when our little family was getting ready for a Christmas party. I was drinking a Christmas cocktail as Dan finished primping, and Autumn showed off her ugly Christmas sweater by dancing around the house to the classic Christmas music playing on all speakers. The Christmas tree in the corner was lit; Dan beautifully decorated the house. The dogs were super sweet hanging out after their evening feast, guarding me as I type this; I will admit to being flushed with emotion, seeing that the Divine had arranged for and provided a family to enjoy once again. Today, I even make whiskey chocolate pecan pie in honor of Great Granny Sallie Mae every year. Now, it would be perfect if I could get Dan and Autumn on board with the hot dogs at the Christmas meal.Are You Having A Tough Time This Holiday? I UnderstandMany folks are alone or having a difficult holiday; I can genuinely empathize. However, if someone has a holiday where negative religious reasons knowingly/unknowingly burden them, I get it. It sucks. That would describe far too many Holidays in my life.At one point, I started to combat the suckiness by reviving or creating traditions that genuinely made me happy.OH yes, before Dan, Autumn, and the fur kids came along… as many hot dogs and chocolate pies as I wanted :). One year my Christmas meal was lobster mac and cheese! I loved eating every delicious bite. I had classic Christmas carols and hymns playing throughout the day, painting, writing, talking with loved ones on the phone… whatever brought peace and joy into the home.I also stopped comparing my current situation to my childhood and what others were doing. Even in the closet, to myself and others, my authentic self was aching to be expressed. In the last few years in the stained glass closet, despite not feeling complete (yearning for my own family), I did enjoy those Bachelor Christmas festivities. I chose to be grateful, to be content regardless of circumstance.And if I needed to allow the black hole of shoulda, woulda, coulda to suck all the life out of the room, I permitted myself to do that as long as I made a fun plan afterward. Usually, I would get involved in making the fun plan in my head, and the black hole of despair would stomp off for lack of attention.I hope those experiencing sadness this holiday will embrace intentional gratitude and joy. Even though my life is dreamy now, part of my heart will always be with the lonely at Christmas. So regardless of how your holidays are going, whether I know you yet or not if you need a friend on this side of the screen… Hi! Feel free to email me or private message me on Instagram or Facebook. I would love to hear from you.Beyond The Stained Glass Closet is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.It is Christmas Eve, and my first cooking foray into non-microwavable meals is in the crockpot. It will be what we will call Anthony’s Mississippi Pot Roast! I got the recipe from my friend Anthony. When it comes to cooking, I am good at microwaving, boiling, and making ONE particular pie. So branching out into the world of the crockpot, throwing it all in, and leaving it for 8 hours is a big deal.No, it’s not. But I am making it one because it’s fun to be self-deprecating and overly dramatic.We have The Daughter and will celebrate Christmas with her today and tonight before she goes to her Mom’s tomorrow. Which reminds me, I have three pies to make :). By the way, I woke up to only 30 degrees outside! That ain’t right y’all. We didn’t get the blinding snow (or any snow, so far), but this is enough to make me pull out my closed-toed shoes and try to find the one winter coat I have in the back of the closet. It’s fun to have this little bit of real winter. It will make the fireplace incredibly cozy tonight when we open presents.For those inclined to pray, please pray that as I commandeer the kitchen for pot roast and pies, no one gets sick. That would suck if my first pot roast food poisoned people or something. So pray for good food and that no one develops a new neurosis or has anything catch on fire/explode. « All been known to happen when I am in the kitchen…Thanks!So have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all. Let’s have the courage to be our beautiful selves together, Get full access to The Thrive Newsletter w/ Randy Scobey at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Hello Friends!It’s been a bit quiet since my last post, huh? That has been on purpose. After feedback and talking with my publisher last month, it seemed best to beef up this one post a week instead of several, splitting my time and attention throughout the week. Plus, editing the book will take more and more energy as we progress to try to get it published next year (maybe mid-year?) I will still post on Facebook and Instagram whenever the mood hits, so join me there. I am @rrscobey on both.This weekly newsletter and podcast will come out every Saturday!Last Monday, I discussed with The Grand GETEL (Greatest Editor That Ever Lived). The Grand Getel said my memoir is another powerful “human” journey. As such, it transcends any particular aspect of a singular event or experience within that journey. I have been working on integrating all the compartments of my fractured life for quite a while. As a result, I know what it is like to transcend any particular good or bad experience. However, this exercise in self-actualization took on a new depth during and after our discussion. Writing from the “whole” of my truth, instead of being limited to the opinions and expectations of others I have built up in my head, will make the memoir more impactful, purposeful, and relatable.While some of my journey’s plot points are like a startling roller-coasters running the whole gamut of human joys, trials, and tribulations… it’s deeply human at its core. I love reading and hearing others’ stories and look forward to presenting mine in this memoir next year.Beyond The Stained Glass Closet is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.The Dandy Doggos, Queen Gigi the Grey, and Eli the Dramahuahua have had a rough week. Eli has gotten out of hand for the past few months with his possessiveness, aggression, and purposeful “accidents” in the house. We had a pretty big tiff Monday when he mauled my thumb again for having the nerve to put him down off my lap.Eli can be such a complete a*****e! But I love him so…I was at a breaking point but reflected on what could be different to cause him to act out ALL the time. It didn’t take long to realize Gigi has been getting way more attention lately. Eli rules through power, and Gigi governs the humans through nonstop kisses and hugs. Recently, she has constantly been taking his toys, bumping him out of the way for attention or cuddle time, and even stealing his food when he would get distracted and walk away for a split second.So I started walking him alone, not with Gigi, which has made an enormous difference. Also, last night we got them both toys and did not let Gigi take Eli’s toy away from him. We had to pry it out of her mouth twice (a sneaky girl!), and Gigi still thinks she needs to be the center of attention for everything. However, she got better as the week progressed while still making her displeasure of not being put first in a few situations known (huffing, stomping off). She is and always has been super duper sweet so I am sure she will adapt.Watching Eli silly growl at and playfully toss his toy in the air was fun. Chasing Gigi when she got the zoomies with her new ball was also fun. Eli is a real curmudgeon, but I think he’s a little happier knowing he’s being intentionally singled out for attention and engaged with love. That sounds like a life lesson… lol. At least Eli hasn’t tried to maul my thumb again this week.I haven’t written anything about current controversies or the ex-gay menace that still exists because I don’t have the bandwidth. And that’s ok. Life is more than one aspect of it… right?! :) So, with that in mind. Here’s an endearing, adorable despite itself photo that encapsulates the way this week went around the Dandy Ranch:Let’s have the courage to be our beautiful selves together, Get full access to The Thrive Newsletter w/ Randy Scobey at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

Hello friends! Merry Saturday to you.I found a newly added feature in my Canva Pro (what I used to create the graphics here), and I love it. So you may see more fun, artistic changes on the website and a more consistent “style” in the visuals. Of course, all feedback is encouraged and appreciated. Do you like it? love it? … meh? lol.The BTSGC Podcast Now Consists of Post Voiceovers That Are Recorded on Saturday MorningsAs is always the case when I move to a new platform, I bite off more than I can chew, and everything shakes out to what I can actually do rather quickly. Creating a whole podcast show (in the traditional sense) takes hours (for me). Add that to the bill-paying job, editing the memoir, and my side gig (content creation, social media monitoring) I don’t have enough hours with my family.And, we can’t have that.That said, I have found that I can easily add article voiceovers to the articles I have written in the past week. I do that on Saturday mornings and publish them to the podcast feed. The audio gets picked up by all the podcast platforms BTSGC is on. So there is fresh podcast content usually late in the day on Saturdays and definitely by Sunday. So if you want to listen to my posts, look for the Beyond The Stained Glass Closet on most major podcast platforms. The links to some of the big ones are on the homepage of this substack (scroll down a bit).Last Week Was ToughI never worry about being seen as an activist, leader, or whatever. I am just a guy doing his thing by following his heart and writing about it. I share like-minded goals with higher-profile people considered activists/advocates. I often have conversations with them, usually behind the scenes, to help where I can.So last week, when I read about Sam Brinton, it was tough. I respect Sam, but they have been charged with two counts of stealing luggage. I learned the details of their survivor story last week, even though we had several long conversations a few years ago. These charges also put a negative spotlight on Sam’s survivor story. I hope Sam corrects the doubters and answers the questions Wayne Besen asked last week. I’m still a fan of Sam in the sense I will support them if they come forward and lay it all on the table. I can’t believe the heart of gold I met a few years ago won’t face these very difficult questions and circumstances and do so honestly, even though they may have made some really bad decisions. As Nelson Mandela said, “It’s never too late to do the right thing.”My post about Sam and another one about Milo Yiannopoulos is linked below.Let’s have the courage to be our beautiful selves, together. Have a great weekend!RandyBeyond The Stained Glass Closet is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Last Week’s Articles Get full access to The Thrive Newsletter w/ Randy Scobey at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

One thing I have learned almost eight years outside of the stained glass closet is that all the human frailties and hypocrisy you can find in the religious right are also found in the progressive left, secular policy activism, national advocacy groups, local neighborhood HOAs, community programs of any flavor, and … you get the drift.Yesterday wrote a heartbreaking article about Sam Brinton. I had lengthy conversations with Sam around four years ago, but they were the one asking questions about my journey out of Exodus. I didn’t know the details of their story until the past week or so after Sam was charged with stealing some very expensive luggage. After Wayne’s article, everything they said about themselves and their story of being a conversion therapy survivor is in question. Add that to Sam’s legal issues, and it feels like a kick in the gut. While I cannot argue with Wayne’s questions (very good ones), I love Sam. They were one of the few activists genuinely gracious to me at the time. Sam listened to me and offered me space. Now, what they thought of me privately, no clue. But in those conversations, I could tell they were fully present and interested in what I had to say. I want nothing but the best for Sam. I hope they will be more forthcoming with the details Wayne is seeking answers for and what happened with the luggage.It reminds me of when Wayne also busted John Paulk at a gay bar many moons ago. That was a huge kick in the gut when John and I were both still in the ex-gay world. Devastating. Now I get it and have way more compassion but back then, absolutely horrendous and difficult to process. There was a tidal wave of anger/criticism/feedback from both the church and gay activists over John’s “fall.”I noticed I had the same feeling for Sam yesterday as I did for John way back then. They are so different, so I wondered why the kick in the gut feeling wouldn’t leave. Well, I didn’t wonder long because it became clear rather quickly. Beyond The Stained Glass Closet is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.They both painted a picture of themselves that endeared them to their supporters, which wasn’t fully honest and deceptive in some ways. Both are highly inspirational people with high public profiles on volatile issues. John in the past within the religious right and Sam now with their advocacy efforts and position within the Biden administration. They both had power and didn’t steward it in a way that fits their public persona; they let down many people. John eventually owned all of his truth. I am hoping Sam will, too.That’s why one of my life mantras about sharing my story is to never talk past what I actually know and believe to be true and have lived. Otherwise, it is an opinion, a perspective, not fact. Facts are facts; opinions are opinions. Again, I want the best for Sam as justice in the stolen luggage case takes its course, and they are punished for their confessed crime. I am sure this case is a top priority for them now, but hopefully, they will come to a place to answer Wayne’s questions at a time when they are ready. And when all of that is said, I think this is an opportunity for introspection for progay organizations and individuals to look at why we tend not to vet the inspiring leaders within our midst; similarly, as a culture, what is it about this dynamic that allows for this to happen? Necessary introspection and cultural analysis indeed. Get full access to Thrive at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe

I love words, so I pick up on new ways to use them in culture, politics, and media. For example, I keep hearing about “virtue signaling” and wondered how did that become the current way to describe what is essentially a public show of self-righteousness?Dictionary: Definitions from Oxford Languagesvir·tue sig·nal·ing noun – the action or practice of publicly expressing opinions or sentiments intended to demonstrate one's good character or the moral correctness of one's position on a particular issue."it's noticeable how often virtue signaling consists of saying you hate things."And in surfing around the web about this, I learned about “vice signaling.” From Wikipedia:Financial Times editor Robert Shrimsley suggested the counterpart term "vice signaling" for people who too-loudly proclaim their right-wing bonafides:A vice-signaller boasts about sneaking meat into a vegetarian meal. He will rush on to social media to denounce as a 'snowflake' any woman who objects to receiving rape threats, or any minority unhappy at a racist joke...Vice-signallers have understood that there is money to be made in the outrage economy by playing the villain. Perhaps, secretly, they buy their clothes at the zero-waste shop and help out at the local food bank, but cannot be caught doing so lest their image is destroyed.I don’t believe a vice signaling bully is secretly a saint, but I get it.I have said, responded, and often write that when it comes to exgays only doing what they do for the money, most believe it is their calling (like I did in the past). Money was an important part, but the “calling” of God was the motivation whether we had a secured salary or not. I also often say that I can count on one hand the folks I believe are ONLY being motivated by money. Milo Yiannopoulos is one of them. The moment Milo announced he was ex-gay and wanted to reform conversion therapy… I shook my head and thought the only thing that man cares about is becoming infamous and manipulating anyone to achieve it. And then quickly forgot about him for a year or so.I had no idea he was working for anti-semite Hitler fan Ye, also known as the artist I formerly respected, Kanye. From The Advocate: Yiannopoulos had been a campaign manager of sorts in the rapper’s informal presidential campaign. He was the first to sign on, and then he brought in white supremacist Nick Fuentes and others.However, tensions arose between Yiannopoulos and Fuentes after Yiannopoulos said he arranged to bring Fuentes to dine with Donald Trump at Mar-a-Lago. Yiannopoulos said he did so to “make Trump’s life miserable.” Fuentes disputed the account. Then there were rumors that Yiannopoulos tried to have Fuentes fired. Yiannopoulos denied this, while Fuentes did not respond to the Beast’s request for comment.Unfortunately, Milo is a classic stereotype of genuine exgay greed and desperation. The political and cultural access he gets and loses over and over again is what many exgay leaders dream of but will never have unless they up their “signaling” game. Anne and Andy are trying to get more consistent with doing so. I bet they are crafting letters to fill the Milo void in Ye’s world as we speak.I find it interesting that Milo’s rehabilitation of conversion therapy has produced absolutely nothing. It’s also interesting he hasn’t been hired as a keynote speaker for any of the current exgay conferences held around the country. Has he even attended one of their groups, programs, or counselors?I don’t think so because they can do nothing for him in his agenda at this time. I hope, at some point, he drops the act. Infamy is overrated and short-lived. Milo’s innate worth as a gay man is priceless. No amount of money or infamy can displace that truth. I hope someday he will have eyes to see who he really is. Get full access to Thrive at www.randyscobey.com/subscribe