The Wellness Compass Podcast

Mental Health: Name It. Claim It. Reframe It. October is Mental Health Awareness Month, and in this episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, marriage and family therapists Scott and Holly Stoner offer a simple, three-part way to think and talk about mental health: name it, claim it, and reframe it. Drawing on 40 years of clinical work and their own family experiences, they explore how mental health is something every one of us has, and how it shapes, and is shaped by, the families and relationships we live in. In this episode: We all have mental health. It isn't only a concern for some people. Like physical health, it's one dimension of well-being in the Wellness Compass Model, and it can vary from day to day and season to season. Name it. Just as cancer was once unspeakable, mental health is still often talked around with euphemisms. Naming a struggle the way we'd name a migraine or a family history of heart disease normalizes it, eases stigma, and helps others know how to respond. Many clients feel deep relief simply saying, "I think I'm depressed," for the first time. Claim it. Owning our story, letting the people close to us know what we're carrying, and tending our mental health proactively. Scott and Holly share personal examples of how claiming a sensitivity keeps us from externalizing it or blaming others. Reframe it. Thinking systemically, using the image of a mobile: stress anywhere in a family shows up in its individual members. Understanding this takes the blame off, gives hope, and helps us see the bigger picture, like why a recent move or a loved one's diagnosis might leave us feeling out of sorts. Our agency. We rarely choose the state of our mental health, but we always choose our response, including whether to be vulnerable, ask for support, or step back from commitments. A Wizard of Oz lesson. Healing came for the Wizard only when he was finally willing to name, claim, and reframe what he'd been hiding. For reflection: Is there something about your own mental health you've been hesitant to name? Is there someone in your family you'd like to talk with a little more openly? Is there something you'd like to share with a loved one? How's your family? Season 4's theme is "How's the Family?" We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, and topic ideas. Email us at [email protected], or reach us individually at [email protected] and [email protected]. Find all episodes and the companion column, published every other week, at wellnesscompass.org. Join us again in two weeks.

Wellness Compass Podcast: "How's the Family?" — Season Premiere Sep 18, 2026 Overview Holly and Scott Stoner return from their summer break to launch a new season of the Wellness Compass Podcast built around a single recurring question: "How's the Family?" For the year ahead, the husband-and-wife team of marriage and family therapists will focus every episode on family wellness across all ages, stages, and configurations. In this premiere, they explain why they chose the theme, share how nearly 50 years of marriage and decades of clinical practice have shaped their own family, and introduce this episode's framing idea: family as our first, lifelong school. In This Episode Welcome back & the new season theme. After a summer off (spent, in part, on their own well-being), Holly and Scott announce this year's focus: family wellness in every configuration, across the full life cycle — not just parenting. Why "How's the Family?" The question tested universally well because everyone already asks some version of it, and few things affect our own well-being more than the state of our family relationships. Why Holly loves this work. Families often arrive carrying unspoken history — old wounds, unresolved grief, things that happened but were never talked about. Every family has its own unique "culture," and helping them reconcile is, as Holly puts it, a sacred honor. Family as our first school. Timed to back-to-school season, Scott introduces the episode's central metaphor: family is the first school we attend, we don't choose our "teachers," and unlike traditional school, we never graduate — we're lifelong learners. Holly's evolving roles. From child to teenager to young wife, mother, and now grandmother, Holly reflects on her current growing edge: learning to let go as her adult children build lives (and marriages) of their own, and adjusting to becoming an elder in the family after losing both of their parents in recent years. The "multiple marriages" bit. A favorite line from their retreat days: every long marriage is really a series of marriages — pre-kids, raising kids, empty nest, mid-life, and now the post-parental-loss years. The relationship keeps evolving, and that's the point. Scott on grandparenting without a model. Scott grew up without any grandfathers (both of his grandfathers died at 40) and is now, 13 years into being a grandfather himself, "making it up as he goes" — including adjusting as his grandson approaches the teenage years. The core skill for family wellness. Humility, openness to learning, and flexibility — because change in family relationships is the norm. Closing thought: "Change is inevitable. Growth is optional." Memorable Quotes "Few things affect our own well-being more — the quality of our own lives more — than the well-being and the quality and the state of our family." — Scott "Families hold so much... frequently without really talking about it and working through things. But they always seem to want to reconcile." — Holly "In the school of family life, we don't ever graduate, nor should we. We are lifelong learners." — Scott "I'm still learning how to let go... You'd think that maybe by now I'd have it." — Holly "Change is inevitable. Growth is optional." — Scott Reflection Question for Listeners Holly and Scott close with a version of this season's core question: How are you a student right now? What lessons are you having the opportunity to learn within your family, or within a family relationship? Where are you the teacher right now? Where do you have opportunities to teach and influence others in your family? About the Hosts Holly and Scott Stoner are marriage and family therapists who have been married 49 years and have three adult children, two grandchildren, and three in-laws. Together they co-host the Wellness Compass Podcast, drawing on decades of clinical experience working with families of every configuration. Connect With Us Have a family story, question, or challenge you'd like Holly and Scott to address on the podcast? Send it in — anonymity and identifying details are always protected. Holly: [email protected] Scott: [email protected] This podcast and its companion column release every other week. Next episode in two weeks — same question: How's the family?

THIS SUMMER In honor of this being our last column of the season — we will be taking the summer off to rest and renew — we would like to share one of our favorite poems with you. We hope this will inspire you as it has us.   If you prefer to listen to this poem read by the author herself, click HERE.   "The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver Who made the world?  Who made the swan, and the black bear?  Who made the grasshopper?  This grasshopper, I mean — the one who has flung herself out of the grass,  the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,  who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down  — who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.  Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.  Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.  I don't know exactly what a prayer is.  I do know how to pay attention,  how to fall down into the grass,  how to kneel down in the grass,  how to be idle and blessed,  how to stroll through the fields,  which is what I have been doing all day.  Tell me, what else should I have done?  Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?  Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?   We find the specificity of Mary Oliver's attention to this grasshopper inspiring. It seems to us an invitation to ask, "what will we pay attention to this summer?" Specifically, how will we pay attention to the moments when we are working in the garden, the sunsets we will see, the smell of flowers we will breathe in, the taste of fresh produce from our farmers markets, the beauty of starlit skies, a possible round of golf on a warm sunny day, the moments when we get to chase fireflies with children or play with them in the swimming pool, watching children running freely through the sprinkler, a marshmallow toasted over a campfire, or the walks we will enjoy on a summer evening? The ample pleasures of summer invite us to pay attention, to fall down into the grass, to be idle and blessed, and to stroll through the fields. If the question Mary Oliver ends her poem with seems too immense, perhaps we can whittle it down to this: What is it you plan to do with this wild and precious summer? Best to you during the magical time of summer.  May you enjoy its splendors. And we will see you again right after Labor Day.   Warmly, Holly and Scott Stoner

This podcast is a companion to our Wellness Compass column. What follows is the text of the column we emailed out this week on this same topic: "Baseball is too slow for me—I prefer sports like basketball with its constant action and scoring" is a comment we overheard at our grandson's Little League game this week. Because it wasn't said directly to us, we didn't have the opportunity to respond with all the ways we love the slow pace of baseball. We'd like to share those with you now, and because this is a wellness column, we can't resist the opportunity to reflect on what the slowness of baseball has to teach us.   First on the list would have probably been that we love the game just because it is slow. Even with the advent of the pitch clock and a few other changes to speed up the game for our impatient culture, the game still has a refreshing pace that allows you to savor each pitch, each at bat, and each play in the field. The pace allows you to pause long enough to wonder, "Should they bring the infield in?" or "Is this a good time to hit and run?" or "Should the outfield be playing this batter to pull?" or "The pitcher has thrown three consecutive four-seam fastballs—so is it time to throw a circle change?"   The opinion that baseball is too slow has been voiced more frequently over the last few decades. Perhaps a different way to frame that perception is that life by contrast has increasingly sped up and maybe even become too fast.  Baseball is a celebration of slowness. It resonates with the slow food movement and the increased interest in slow travel. Within medicine there is even a new movement called slow medicine, which is pushing back on the limitations of the five to seven minute office visits.   Speaking of medicine, Scott tried something very counter-cultural (and counter-intuitive for him) this week. He had a doctor's appointment and his doctor was running late so he had a half hour to himself in the waiting room. Because he was thinking about this concept of patience and slowing down, he resisted getting his phone out and checking the news or his email or …. last night's box scores.  He sat for a full thirty minutes without reaching for his phone. He took some deep breaths and practiced some mindfulness meditation. When he returned home he was embarrassed to report that this was not easy for him to do. Like the woman we overheard at our grandson's baseball game, he, too, sometimes craves action and stimulation.   Life has its own series of waiting rooms. Waiting for clarity on a difficult issue. Waiting for a loved one to find their way. Waiting for healing. Waiting for peace. We long for progress and some kind of action that will bring quick resolution. When we can't just scroll ahead we are invited to enter into the wisdom of slowness and the practice of patience.  Three thousand years ago the author of the book of Ecclesiastes gave us this hopeful wisdom, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."  May we find the grace to trust the season we are in and to patiently embrace the waiting and unfolding, even when we wish things would move a little faster.   And may we watch a few games of baseball to remind us of the benefits of slowing down. 

Sharing Awe: What 19,000 Likes Can Teach Us About Supporting One Another's Mental Health Wellness Compass Podcast Hosted by Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT & Scott Stoner, LMFT Episode Overview Something unexpected happened after Holly and Scott's last column and podcast about the Artemis II astronauts — a quote about the view of Earth from space, and how it reveals no borders, no divisions, only our shared humanity, went viral on Facebook with nearly 20,000 likes and almost 7,000 shares. In this episode, Holly and Scott reflect on what that overwhelming response reveals about what people are truly hungry for: awe, wonder, and a sense of connection. They explore the science of awe and how cultivating it can meaningfully strengthen our mental health. Key Themes The Power of Awe The viral response to their post was a powerful reminder of how starved many people are for good news and experiences of unity. Research confirms that experiences of awe calm our nervous systems, help us think more clearly, and have a measurable positive impact on mental health. The Science Behind Awe Holly and Scott highlight the work of Dr. Dacher Keltner, professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and author of Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life, who has identified eight key sources of awe in everyday human experience. The Eight Wonders of Awe (Dr. Dacher Keltner) Moral Beauty — Witnessing acts of courage, kindness, or perseverance in others Collective Effervescence — The shared energy of a group moving, worshipping, dancing, or celebrating together Nature — Immersion in the natural world and its "wild awe" Music — Experiencing or creating music collectively Visual Design — Encountering great art, architecture, or sacred geometry Spirituality and Religion — Mystical experiences, prayer, communal worship, transcendence Life and Death — The thin, liminal places of birth, dying, and transition Epiphany — Realizing you are part of something far larger than yourself Personal Reflection Question What could you do this week to enhance your own sense of awe? Consider revisiting a past moment that moved you deeply, or intentionally placing yourself somewhere — or with someone — that opens you to wonder. Even a simple gratitude practice, especially when shared with another person, can be a doorway into awe. What We Pay Attention to Will Grow A core principle of the Wellness Compass Initiative: whatever we pay attention to is what will grow. This episode invites us to ask — what are we amplifying? On social media and in daily life, are we spreading wonder and connection, or discord and division? This isn't about toxic positivity; it's about intentionally choosing where we direct our energy and attention. Upcoming Free Wellness Circles Wellness Circles are a free, six-week small group experience designed to cultivate awareness, intention, and well-being — a perfect real-life space to experience awe and gratitude with others. Tuesday, May 4 at 1:00 PM Wednesday, May 5 at 5:15 PM To sign up, visit wellnesscompass.org and click the green bar at the top of the homepage, or email Holly directly at [email protected]. Connect With Us 🌐 Website: wellnesscompass.org 📧 General contact: [email protected] 📧 Holly: [email protected] Go forth and be awesome — discover awe, experience awe, and share it. May you be safe, may you be healthy, may you be happy.