The Wrong Ones

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about the quiet, internal moment when your relationship worldview widens—not because you've suddenly changed who you are, but because you've finally grown into someone who can hold more nuance. From matching with a trans man on a dating app to noticing how your thirties shift your sense of "never" and "always," we explore what happens when the lens you've used to understand love moves from portrait mode to landscape. Through personal storytelling and psychology-backed insight, we unpack how evolving relationship structures, therapy culture, technology, and simple lived experience stretch the edges of what feels possible. We talk about why curiosity doesn't threaten your identity, how exposure softens rigidity, and what it means to move from inherited scripts to consciously chosen beliefs. Plus, a little life update on launching Substack and returning to writing as another space to process all of this in real time. In this episode, we cover: The "soft clicks": tiny, ordinary moments that reveal big internal shifts How your thirties change your brain, your identity, and your tolerance for nuance Matching with a trans man on a dating app and what that pause of curiosity actually meant The difference between expanding your worldview and changing your orientation or desires Moving from black-and-white thinking to "Does this feel aligned for me?" Differentiation: becoming your own person outside of family, culture, and inherited rules How therapy language (attachment, boundaries, nervous system) reshapes relationship expectations The role of dating apps in norm-shifting and repeated exposure to diverse identities and structures Why monogamy isn't disappearing—just becoming a conscious choice instead of a default Psychological flexibility: holding more options in mind without feeling destabilized The emotional exhaustion of performing timelines that were never really yours Designing relationships that fit your nervous system, not just your résumé Curiosity vs. participation: understanding something without needing to live it How growing older is less about certainty and more about internal spaciousness Reflection Question of the Week: Where in your life are you being invited to loosen an old belief—not to change who you are, but to see who you've become? Resources Mentioned: Differentiation and Family Systems Theory (Bowen; self vs. system) Post-Formal Thought & Integrative Complexity (adult cognitive development and nuance) Schema Theory & Accommodation (Piaget; updating internal narratives) Psychological Flexibility (Hayes; Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) Mere Exposure Effect & Norm-Shifting Through Contact (Zajonc; familiarity reducing threat) Attachment Theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth; internal working models in relationships) Polyvagal-Informed Ideas of Safety & Regulation (Porges; nervous system and connection) Therapy Culture & Relational Self-Awareness (contemporary psychology and modern love) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we're stepping into a birthday reflection that feels tender, grounding, and quietly transformative. After celebrating my 35th with a low-key, love-filled weekend, I found myself looking back on one of the most beautiful and painful years of my life—a year that stretched me, softened me, humbled me, and rebuilt me in ways I never expected. So today, I'm sharing 35 lessons I've learned in 35 years. These are the truths that arrived through heartbreak, healing, friendships, identity shifts, inner-child work, generational patterns, nervous system regulation, and the slow process of becoming the woman I'm proud to be. Rather than treating aging or change as something to resist, this episode reframes those transitions as evidence of emotional expansion—the quiet shift from performing a life to inhabiting your own. Through psychology-backed insights and honest storytelling, we explore the moments, patterns, and realizations that shape us long after they pass In this episode, we cover: Rejection as an old story resurfacing: How most heartbreak isn't new—it's childhood pain told through a new character, and why that awareness changes how we love and heal. Losing what you thought you couldn't survive: Why the people, jobs, and identities you cling to often become the very catalysts for strength once they're gone. Being loved well vs. being loved intensely: How the right kind of love brings forward a version of you that feels safe, soft, and fully expressed. Criticism as projection: Why the traits others judge in you are often the ones they had to suppress in themselves. Believing someone's capacity the first time: Instead of hoping they'll one day become who you need—and how this applies in dating, friendship, and work. Why you cannot out-love someone's untreated trauma: The emotional, psychological, and relational cost of trying to carry what was never yours. Envy as a compass: Seeing envy not as insecurity, but as your soul pointing toward what you desire next. Healing making you harder to access: Why boundaries tighten as self-respect grows—and how the right people stay without needing convincing. Choosing your own life over the one your parents scripted: The moment adulthood actually begins. Not everyone deserves your healed self: Some relationships only earned access to earlier versions of you—not the version you've worked to become. Desire vs. destiny: Understanding that wanting something doesn't automatically make it meant for you. Healing as becoming your real self: Not the best version or the prettiest version—the truest one. Life repeating lessons until you choose differently: How one shift in behavior can end a years-long cycle. The liberation of being the version of you you recognize: Even when your family or past relationships don't. The fear of judgment disguised as fear of change: And why most people stay small because being seen evolving feels unsafe. Who you are when nothing is expected of you: What your authentic self looks like without performance. Feeling "behind" as a comparison symptom: Why your timeline is not a race, and time expands when you stop competing with everyone else. Discipline as emotional freedom: How structure supports peace, and avoidance creates chaos. The courage to disappoint people: A necessary ingredient for a calm, self-directed life. Confidence as self-trust: Not believing you're the best—but believing you'll survive if you're not. Convenience vs. alignment: The emotional debt of choosing ease over integrity. Sustainable success over fast success: Why slow growth compounds—in careers, relationships, healing, and identity. Wisdom as emotional regulation: Reacting less as a sign of nervous system maturity. Burnout as divine intervention: Life's way of slowing you down when you refuse to slow yourself. Being mislabeled by people who don't know themselves: And why their confusion is never your truth. Growth feeling more like loss than expansion: Because shedding identities is often the first step toward becoming. Shifting from "Why me?" to "What is this teaching me?": The question that transforms pain into meaning. Order as nervous system hygiene: How a clean space is a clean mind—and a form of self-respect. The power of saying no: Protecting your time, your bandwidth, and your emotional capacity. Being the right things for the right people: Instead of being everything for everyone. Slow mornings as self-regulation: A luxury you can create, not one you have to earn. Decluttering as emotional release: Letting go physically to let go mentally. Seeing your parents as people life happened to: A shift that dissolves resentment and opens the door to compassion. Loving your parents while breaking their patterns: Why choosing a healthier emotional reality is an act of honor, not betrayal. Reflection Question of the Week: Which lesson from your own life are you being asked to learn—again or for the very first time—and what small shift could you make this week to honor it? ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we dive into the psychology underneath almost every question women ask themselves in their 30s—marriage, kids, timelines, independence, desire, fear, and whether we genuinely want the things we've been told we should want. Instead of treating these questions as confusion or crisis, we explore them as evidence of emotional expansion, nervous system evolution, and the quiet shift from fear-led decisions to self-led ones. Through a blend of storytelling and psychology-backed insight, this episode unpacks attachment styles, the grief of letting go of old timelines, the freedom of rewriting your own, and the slow, sacred work of learning to trust yourself again. Because once you shift from survival mode to alignment—once your desires are no longer tangled in pressure or fear—you realize you're not behind, you're not late, and you're not lost. You're just becoming. In this episode, we cover: Attachment styles as the hidden puppeteers: How anxious, avoidant, and secure parts influence what we believe we want—and how intensity, independence, or ambivalence often trace back to our earliest emotional blueprints. Why some women rush toward marriage while others run from it: The anxious desire to feel chosen vs. the avoidant instinct to feel safe through self-sufficiency—and how both are survival strategies, not personality flaws. High standards & stretched timelines: How "waiting for the right person" isn't pickiness—it's nervous system discernment, emotional maturity, and a refusal to shrink just to stay on track. Protective pessimism: Why telling yourself "I don't want it anyway" can be a defense against disappointment—and how to distinguish genuine desire from self-protection. The grief of outgrowing your younger self's timeline: Mourning the life you imagined at 24, while honoring the woman you've become at 35—and understanding that grief doesn't only show up when things end, but also when you evolve. Desire vs. fear: How older desire is quieter, more grounded, and rooted in alignment rather than urgency—unlike the frantic, approval-driven desire of your 20s. Self-trust as the turning point: Rebuilding the inner voice that says, "I can handle the outcomes of my choices"—and unlearning the generational, cultural, and familial conditioning that taught women to distrust themselves. The intelligence of "I don't know yet": Why uncertainty in your 30s isn't confusion—it's emotional maturity. And how seasons of not knowing often precede the most aligned decisions of your life. Intentionality over default living: Choosing your life on purpose, instead of reacting to pressure, comparison, or fear—and redefining partnership, motherhood, and independence as lifestyle choices rather than obligations. Living a life that actually fits you: Using your nervous system as data—peace vs. contraction, expansion vs. anxiety—to build a future based on alignment rather than expectation. Imagining your future from abundance, not fear: Replacing timeline panic with gentle, open-handed longing—allowing yourself to envision multiple futures, each of them meaningful and full of possibility. Reflection Question of the Week: What emotion do you avoid the most, and what protective belief have you built around avoiding it? Resources Mentioned/Concepts Referenced: Adult Attachment Theory (Bowlby, Ainsworth; later Mikulincer & Shaver) How attachment shapes desire, timelines, and emotional safety. Protective Pessimism (Norem, 1989) Lowering expectations as emotional self-defense. Identity Reconciliation in Adulthood Updating the self-concept as you outgrow old timelines and internalized expectations. Differentiation of Self (Bowen, 1978) Staying connected without self-abandonment—applied to choosing partnership intentionally. Adaptive Ambivalence Why conflicting desires ("I want connection and freedom") are signs of self-awareness, not confusion. Nervous System Regulation & Desire How a regulated body wants differently than a dysregulated one—especially in love, partnership, and long-term decisions. ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we dive into a truth that most women carry quietly: the tension between what we genuinely want, what we think we're supposed to want, and what our minds protect us from wanting at all. This conversation begins in therapy—naturally—where a single sentence cracked open an entire internal universe: "Sometimes I feel like maybe I don't even want marriage or kids… because if I did, wouldn't I have them by now?" What unfolds from that moment is a deeply human exploration of ambivalence, desire, fear, self-protection, and the emotional calculus women are forced to do in a world obsessed with timelines. We explore why turning 35 feels like a psychological checkpoint, why wanting something can feel more vulnerable than not wanting it, and how often women confuse self-protection with clarity. Because sometimes the narratives we build around "I don't want that" are trauma responses with really good PR. Through personal storytelling and psychology-backed insight, this episode unpacks the cultural scripts around marriage and motherhood, the nervous system's relationship to desire, and the quiet inner work of learning to tell the difference between genuine preference and fear-sized avoidance. Because when you finally slow down enough to separate the two, your entire relationship to your future shifts. In this episode, we cover: Why women often say "I don't want that" when the truth is "wanting it feels too vulnerable" Ambivalence as an emotionally intelligent state—not confusion, not avoidance, but honest internal conflict How turning 35 triggers identity audits, timeline reevaluations, and the emotional detangling of inherited expectations The nervous system's role in desire: why wanting something exposes you to the possibility of loss, and how your brain tries to protect you The difference between self-protection and self-awareness—and how to tell which one is speaking Sparkle Megan, Love Is Blind, and why lifestyle compatibility is as important as emotional compatibility Outgrowing the life you thought you'd have at 25 and learning to choose the life that actually fits you at 35 Why high standards lead to "late" marriages (and why that's not late—it's aligned) How childhood messages about love, safety, and identity shape adult desire The psychology of timelines: why most anxiety around partnership and motherhood comes from absorbing other people's fears The liberation of neutrality: "If it happens, beautiful. If it doesn't, my life is still beautiful." Resources Mentioned: Ambivalence & Emotional Complexity (Larsen et al., mixed-emotion theory) Self-Protection & Threat Response (nervous system avoidance patterns) Attachment & Desire (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007; how past experiences shape current wants) Identity Development Across Adulthood (Erikson; midlife identity reevaluation) Social Clocks & Timeline Pressure (Neugarten; culturally conditioned milestones) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about what it actually looks like to come back home to yourself after a breakup—not in the TikTok "day two Pilates girl" glow-up way, but in the quiet, messy, deeply human way. We explore how heartbreak forces you to confront the version of you who tolerated crumbs, abandoned her own needs, and confused chaos for chemistry—and how healing slowly turns you into the woman your ex always wanted, who would never choose the unhealed version of him again. Through personal storytelling and psychology-backed insight, this episode unpacks identity foreclosure, nervous system healing, and why routines like movement, food, and structure become less about aesthetics and more about rebuilding self-respect. Because once you remember what safety feels like—in your body, your routines, and your life—you stop negotiating with anyone who threatens it. In this episode, we cover: How noticing "small data points" in your body (the pit in your stomach, the flinch, the fatigue) is the start of self-awareness—but honoring them is the start of self-respect Identity foreclosure: how relationships can make you shapeshift into the version of you that works for the relationship, not your soul Why post-breakup "glow-ups" aren't revenge—they're nervous system recalibrations back to who you were before you started shrinking The role of movement and working out in healing: building structure, discipline, and self-trust instead of punishing your body How changing your relationship with food is less about perfection and more about no longer using hunger, control, or chaos as coping mechanisms The lonely in-between: shedding an old identity before you fully grow into the new one—and why that discomfort is where real change happens Why, once your body remembers safety, it becomes allergic to emotional chaos, hot-and-cold behavior, and mixed signals The psychology of attraction: why grounded, regulated, self-focused women are unconsciously more attractive—and why the healed you stops wanting men who only respond once you've risen Differentiation in relationships: staying connected to someone without abandoning yourself, and how this becomes the new standard The full-circle moment when you realize you didn't actually want your ex back—you wanted the version of you who hadn't met herself yet Reflection Question of the Week: What's one practice—big or small—that will help you feel more connected to yourself this week? Resources Mentioned: Identity Status & Foreclosure (Marcia, 1966; commitment before exploration) Differentiation of Self (Bowen, 1978; staying connected without self-abandonment) Self-Expansion Theory & Growth in Relationships (Aron & Aron, 1986; attraction to evolving selves) Attachment, Regulation & Romantic Love (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007; how security changes what we seek) Interpersonal Attraction & Value Increase (overall growth and perceived partner desirability) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about how self-awareness changes what you tolerate, and how noticing small "data points" early can save you from months of confusion later. We unpack the subtle red flags—defensiveness, one-sided intimacy, lack of reciprocity—that often reveal more about someone's emotional capacity than any grand gesture ever could. Through personal storytelling and psychology-backed insight, this episode explores what it looks like to stay present while dating, to stop romanticizing potential, and to actually believe people when they show you who they are. Because when you start loving yourself, your standards stop being negotiable. In this episode, we cover: Why "once a cheater, always a cheater" misses the real lesson: reflection matters more than reputation The psychology of one-sided intimacy and what it reveals about empathy and emotional availability Reciprocity signaling: why showing up empty-handed isn't about the wine—it's about awareness The danger of rationalizing behavior early on ("he's just busy," "he's from the Midwest") How self-respect changes your dating patterns from chasing potential to collecting data Data-driven detachment: trusting patterns, not excuses The moment you realize peace feels better than potential How self-love quietly becomes the filter that removes confusion Reflection Question of the Week: What small "data point" have you been ignoring lately—and what might it be trying to teach you about your patterns? Resources Mentioned: Attachment Theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth; internal working models) Reciprocity and Social Attunement (Gouldner, 1960; behavioral exchange) Guilt vs. Shame Framework (Tangney & Dearing, 2002; emotional responsibility) Avoidant Attachment and Deactivation Strategies (Levine & Heller, Attached) Cognitive Dissonance and Justification (Festinger, 1957; self-perception) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about what happens when you stop dating to be chosen and start dating to be curious. We explore how psychology, neuroscience, and self-awareness can transform the way we approach modern love—from seeing our friends' relationships as proof that love exists, to walking into dates with zero expectations and full presence. Through personal storytelling and research-backed insight, we unpack how the nervous system interprets connection, why dating apps aren't the enemy, and how reframing your self-concept can turn anxiety into ease. Because the most attractive thing you can be isn't detached—it's regulated. In this episode, we cover: The self-schema and how self-concept shapes attraction The reticular activating system (RAS) and cognitive reframing in dating Intermittent reinforcement and the biology of anxious attachment The dopamine trap of dating apps and variable reward systems Learned helplessness and how to reclaim emotional agency Attachment recalibration: chaos vs. safety in the nervous system The "Why Not Me" theory as a self-efficacy mindset Cognitive reframing, confidence, and embodied worth Loneliness as absence of resonance, not people How solitude repairs identity through the default-mode network Hope as emotional endurance and nervous system regulation Fall as a metaphor for release and the completion of stress cycles Dating from curiosity, not control — and peace as the new chemistry Reflection Question of the Week: What would change if you stopped chasing what's next and started studying what's now? Resources Mentioned: Self-Schema Theory (Markus, 1977; self-concept and perception) Attachment Theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth; internal working models) Intermittent Reinforcement (Skinner; variable reward prediction) Neuroplasticity and Cognitive Reframing (Siegel, 2020) The Reticular Activating System (RAS) and selective attention Polyvagal Theory (Porges; safety, regulation, and co-regulation) Learned Helplessness (Seligman; behavioral response to inconsistency) Default Mode Network (Raichle; self-referential processing and identity) Hope Theory (Snyder; goal-directed cognition and emotional resilience) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast   An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about the kind of love that almost feels right—the one that keeps you hoping, waiting, and performing for connection that never quite arrives. We explore why trauma makes us settle for almost loved, almost chosen, almost enough, and how healing teaches the nervous system to recognize real love as calm, not chaos. Through psychology, neuroscience, and personal storytelling, we unpack the patterns that make "almost" feel familiar, the biology of emotional addiction, and the quiet empowerment that comes from finally choosing clarity over chemistry. Because when your nervous system stops mistaking anxiety for attraction, you stop confusing intensity for intimacy. In this episode, we cover: Attachment trauma and why inconsistent love feels like home Intermittent reinforcement and the dopamine loop of "almost" relationships The amygdala, cortisol, and why chaos becomes comforting Trauma reenactment and the illusion of potential The mirror principle: how partners reflect self-worth Projective identification and the psychology of repetition The neuroscience of confidence and the "Why Not Me?" framework How healing rewires attraction through neuroplasticity Emotional regulation as the new chemistry The shift from "Do they like me?" to "Do I like them?" Dating from peace instead of performance Discernment, self-trust, and the biology of belonging Reflection Question of the Week: Do I like who I become when I'm around them? Resources Mentioned: Attachment Theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth; internal working models) Intermittent Reinforcement (Skinner; reward prediction error) Neuroplasticity and Emotional Regulation (Siegel, 2020) Mirror Neurons and Empathy (Gallese & Rizzolatti) The Reticular Activating System (RAS) and Cognitive Reframing Polyvagal Theory (Porges; vagus nerve and safety) Interpersonal Neurobiology (Siegel; co-regulation and attunement) Self-Concept Theory (Rogers; congruence and self-worth) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast   An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about the kind of connection that doesn't require translation—the one where you don't have to overexplain, overperform, or shrink your story to be understood. We explore why shared experience can deepen emotional intimacy, how empathy rooted in lived experience feels grounding rather than performative, and what it means to feel seen without needing to be decoded. Through personal storytelling and psychology, we unpack the neuroscience of recognition, the attachment dynamics of safety, and the subtle difference between trauma compatibility and emotional fluency. Because the most healing relationships aren't built on identical wounds—they're built on compatible awareness. In this episode, we cover: Mirror neuron systems and why recognition feels like relief Affective attunement and the biology of being "gotten" Attachment theory and internal working models in dating Predictive coding and how familiarity builds safety Co-regulation and why empathy is nervous system fluency Cultural context and emotional rhythm in immigrant families The difference between trauma alignment and integrated healing How shared experience becomes validation—not repetition Why emotional fluency is the new compatibility test Reflection Question of the Week: Who in your life makes you feel understood without having to perform clarity—and when was the last time you offered that same understanding to someone else? Resources Mentioned: Mirror Neuron Research (Gallese & Rizzolatti; empathy and recognition) Affective Attunement (Daniel Stern; early relational development) Attachment Theory (Bowlby, Ainsworth; internal working models) Predictive Coding and the Brain (Friston, 2010; neural anticipation) Interpersonal Neurobiology (Siegel; co-regulation and safety) Cultural Schema Theory (Markus & Kitayama; collective identity) Earned Security (Mary Main; attachment transformation) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast   An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about what happens when life presses on every old bruise you thought had healed—all while you're supposed to be on vacation. We explore what it feels like to be the only single person in a group of couples, how invisibility shows up in adulthood, and why sometimes healing feels less like progress and more like observation. Through stories from a trip to Mexico City, we unpack the psychology of belonging, the neuroscience of self-worth, and the subtle art of staying visible in your own life. Because sometimes growth isn't loud or glamorous—it's catching yourself mid-spiral and choosing to stay. In this episode, we cover: Dyadic power theory and why couples hold more social weight in groups The difference between exclusion and perceived exclusion (and how both hurt the same) The neuroscience of invisibility and social pain (anterior cingulate cortex activation) Self-silencing: how being "easygoing" can quietly erase you Contingent self-esteem and the loop between validation and worth Attachment systems and intermittent reinforcement: why being "chosen" feels like survival Depersonalization and disembodiment: the psychology of feeling outside your body Emotional self-efficacy and learning to regulate your own nervous system The loss of play in adulthood and how joy rewires emotional regulation How to stop confusing self-analysis with self-acceptance Becoming your own plus-one Reflection Question of the Week: When was the last time you felt outside of yourself — and what would it take to come home again? Resources Mentioned: Dyadic Power Theory (social psychology of relational dominance) Contingent Self-Esteem (Deci & Ryan; self-determination theory) Self-Silencing Scale (Dana Jack; gender & relational schemas) Mirror Neuron System and co-regulation (interpersonal neurobiology) Depersonalization research (dissociation and self-observation) Stuart Brown, Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul Emotional Self-Efficacy (Bandura, 1997) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners.   Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast   An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we dig into the messy gap between theory and practice. Why you can ace attachment charts in solitude but fall apart the second someone doesn't text back. Why embarrassment isn't failure but data. Why relationships act as mirrors that magnify both your shadow and your light. And why courage isn't magic—it's logistics. Through stories, psychology, and neuroscience, we unpack how to practice becoming in real time. In this episode, we cover: Why theory feels safe but collapses in practice (prediction error & the nervous system) The ghosting spiral: why rejection feels like physical pain in the body Embarrassment as data (Pratfall Effect and social learning) How attachment styles show up clumsy in real life Relationships as mirrors: projection, transference, and magnification of shadow/light Corrective emotional experiences: tiny rewiring moments that stick Micro-bravery and scaffolding: what courage actually looks like The neuroscience of courage: amygdala vs. prefrontal cortex, dopamine, polyvagal grounding Why courage is built in reps, not in grand gestures Personal stories of shaky hands, awkward texts, and becoming real in connection Reflection Question of the Week: What's one piece of theory you've mastered in solitude — and what's one small, imperfect way you could practice it in real time this week? Resources Mentioned: Prediction error (cognitive neuroscience of expectation) The Pratfall Effect (social psychology of likability) Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges; vagus nerve & social engagement) Interpersonal neurobiology (mirror neurons & co-regulation) Corrective emotional experiences (psychodynamic theory) Exposure therapy principles (small, repeated acts build tolerance) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners.   Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast   An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, I pressed pause on the plan and gave myself space to vent about the absurdity of modern dating. After two back-to-back ghostings in the same week—one from an East Coast visitor who likely mass-texted the entire Bay Area, and another from a "let's grab dinner" guy who never followed through—I realized how these little moments can still sting even when you think you're "healed." We unpack why ghosting hurts so much, the old patterns it triggers, and how to reframe rejection without spiraling, all while laughing at the comedy of it. In this episode, we cover: Two ghosting stories that prove dating is both comedy and tragedy Predictive coding: why our brains "expect" rejection once we've felt it Intermittent reinforcement: the slot-machine psychology behind mixed signals Why ghosting feels like physical pain in the body Venting about dating as an Olympic sport (gold medal in not double-texting) The pause vs. the spiral: choosing new patterns in real time My new plan to treat dating like a part-time job (weekly "shifts" in San Francisco) The city's resurgence and what it feels like to finally notice attraction again Reframing ghosting as a reflection of them, not me The bigger truth: healing doesn't erase triggers, it teaches us to respond differently Reflection Question of the Week: When life pressed on an old bruise and reminded you you're still human, did you spiral into old patterns—or pause and choose something new? Resources Mentioned: Predictive coding (cognitive neuroscience of expectation) Intermittent reinforcement (behavioral psychology; why inconsistency hooks us) The neuroscience of rejection (emotional pain and physical pain overlap) Exposure therapy principles (repeated safe exposure builds capacity) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners.   Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast   An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we name and honor the "safe house" of solitude—why it feels protective after heartbreak and why it can quietly become a ceiling. Sparked by an Instagram quote from Afsa Rosette about theory vs. practice, we unpack the psychology behind avoidance, shame, and nervous-system safety, and we begin moving from thinking about connection to practicing it—one inch at a time. In this episode, we cover: Why solitude feels like medicine (and when it turns into a cage) The Instagram quote that inspired this series: theory vs. practice in love Avoidance learning: how "canceling" teaches the brain to avoid again Prediction error & the brain's craving for certainty (why dating feels costly) Shame sensitivity: how isolation shields us from feedback—but blocks intimacy Social baseline theory: why life feels lighter with safe others Window of tolerance: stretching without overwhelming your system Negativity bias & rewriting the story your brain keeps replaying Approach–avoidance conflict: wanting love and fearing it at the same time Practical "open the door one inch" ideas: tiny exposures that build capacity Guided visualization + journaling moments sprinkled throughout Reflection Question of the Week: What has your safe house given you, what has it cost you, and what would opening the door one inch look like this week? Resources Mentioned: Afsa Rosette's quote on theory vs. practice (Instagram) Avoidance learning & exposure principles (behavioral psychology) Social baseline theory (co-regulation and reduced perceived effort) Window of tolerance (Siegel; arousal & capacity) Negativity bias (evolutionary psychology; why pain sticks) Approach–avoidance conflict (motivational psychology) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners.   Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast   An Operation Podcast production

  In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we're tackling the conversation couples fear more than sex: money. Because money isn't just math—it's meaning. It's values, identity, childhood scripts, and sometimes the reason you're arguing over oat milk instead of 401(k)s. From the "bakery vs. empire" mismatch to financial infidelity, we explore why money is intimacy at the highest level—and how aligning on it can make or break your future together. We blend psychology, humor, and real-life stories to unpack why the way you spend, save, and dream says more about you than your words ever could. In this episode, we cover: Why couples fear money talks more than sex talks—and what that reveals Symbolic self-completion theory: why spending is never just spending The "bakery vs. empire" dilemma and mismatched financial visions Petty money fights (candles, oat milk, Netflix) and the deeper values underneath Childhood money scripts and how they silently shape adult relationships The intimacy of financial transparency: from spending audits to monthly "money dates" Financial infidelity—what it looks like, why it hurts, and how to rebuild trust Wealth, gender, and shame: why women still shrink financially to feel loved Different money mindsets (scarcity, abundance, status, security, freedom) and how families shape them Practical strategies for building a shared financial culture and vision Reflection Question of the Week: What money story did you inherit from your family—scarcity, abundance, status, security, or freedom—and how is it helping or hurting the life you're trying to build now? What new story could you and your partner write together? Resources Mentioned: Symbolic self-completion theory (consumer psychology) Money scripts research (Klontz et al.) Attachment theory and financial behavior (Bowlby; Hazan & Shaver) Cognitive biases: sunk cost fallacy, premature commitment bias Financial infidelity studies (relationship trust & betrayal) Gender and wealth psychology (identity threat & provision roles) Family-of-origin money patterns and intergenerational psychology ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we're putting the therapy couch in the middle of Wall Street. If you've ever felt like you were writing blank emotional checks, subsidizing someone else's healing, or mistaking adrenaline for chemistry, this one's for you. We blend medicine, psychology, and a little market humor to help you evaluate partners the way a CFO evaluates investments—by looking at fundamentals, risk, and real return on your most limited currencies: time, energy, and emotional labor. In this episode, we cover: The "startup costs" of dating after heartbreak and why your nervous system feels overdrawn The IPO Illusion: novelty bias, intermittent reinforcement, and why apps feel addictive Due diligence for modern dating: words (press releases) vs. behavior (audited financials) Attachment styles as credit ratings (secure = AAA; avoidant = junk bonds) How to spot and track emotional burn rate—early Portfolio diversification: resisting premature commitment bias and stabilizing your life portfolio The exit strategy: cutting sunk costs without guilt and why relief is real data Long-term value investing: choosing consistency, reciprocity, and co-regulation that compound Reflection Question of the Week: Where in your life are you over-investing your time and energy with little return—and how can you start reallocating your capital toward relationships that actually compound in value? Resources Mentioned: Novelty bias & intermittent reinforcement research (behavioral psychology) Decision fatigue and glucose depletion in the prefrontal cortex (self-regulation studies) Attachment theory (Bowlby; Hazan & Shaver) and adult attachment outcomes Allostatic load & chronic stress physiology; HRV and cortisol basics Secure attachment as a health protective factor (relationship longevity & wellbeing) Cognitive biases: sunk cost fallacy; premature commitment bias ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we're talking about why single friends matter when you're single—especially in your 30s. Because let's be honest: sometimes it feels like everyone else is married, pregnant, or building Montessori Pinterest boards, while you're the only "party of one" at the table. But being single doesn't have to mean being lonely. With the right mirrors—friends in your same season of life—it can feel like freedom, belonging, and even joy. Blending psychology, humor, and real-life stories, this conversation explores the importance of resonance, the health impact of loneliness, and the radical act of building community that reflects your current season back to you. In this episode, we cover: Why your "mistakes" in love are actually classrooms, not failures How shifting from dating to marry → dating to learn transforms energy and expectations The psychology of seasons of life (Erikson, belonging, and social resonance) Why being the only single friend can amplify loneliness and comparison burnout How attachment theory and co-regulation apply to friendships, not just dating The cultural pressure of weddings, baby showers, and social timelines Practical ways to find and nurture single friends in your 30s Why laughter, rituals, and resonance are medicine for this season Reflection Question of the Week: What season of life are you in right now, and how can you find or build community that reflects it back to you? Resources Mentioned: Erikson's stages of psychosocial development (intimacy vs. isolation) U.S. Surgeon General's report on loneliness as a public health crisis Attachment theory research (Bowlby, Hazan & Shaver) and co-regulation studies Social comparison theory & relative deprivation theory Research on collective effervescence (Durkheim) Studies on laughter, endorphins, and emotional regulation in friendships ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production.

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we're unpacking the messy, funny, painful, and oh-so-human mistakes we make in love—and why most of them aren't accidents at all, but patterns rooted in psychology, attachment, and our own unmet needs. From confusing chemistry with compatibility to breaking our own non-negotiables, I share the lessons I learned the hard way—and the science behind why we keep repeating them. Blending humor, research, and personal stories, this conversation is equal parts therapy session, neuroscience breakdown, and a reminder that every "wrong one" shapes the way we eventually show up for the right love. In this episode, we cover: Why chemistry feels intoxicating but often disguises incompatibility The trap of trying to change someone who didn't ask to be changed The difference between attention and affection—and why it matters How boundaries actually protect love instead of pushing people away The psychology of attachment, dopamine, and why your nervous system confuses chaos for passion Subtle relationship habits that sabotage intimacy without us realizing it The biggest lessons I wish I could tell my younger self about love, standards, and self-trust How to move forward without bitterness and keep your heart open Reflection Question of the Week: What's one relationship mistake you've made that you can now thank yourself for — because of what it taught you? Resources Mentioned: Attachment theory research (Ainsworth, Bowlby, Hazan & Shaver) Fisher et al. (2010) on dopamine and early-stage romance Doidge (2007) on neuroplasticity and rewiring patterns Intermittent reinforcement studies on addiction and relationships Research on the Reticular Activating System (RAS) and selective attention Studies on boundaries, people-pleasing, and relationship satisfaction ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production.

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we're breaking up with one of the most romanticized — and misleading — ideas in modern dating: the soulmate myth. From the "readiness" lie to the science behind why heartbreak feels like a broken bone, we unpack why believing in the one can actually hold you back from finding love that's real, healthy, and sustainable. In this episode, we cover: How to tell if you're genuinely ready to start dating again (and why "ready" isn't a magical morning announcement from the universe). The neuroscience of heartbreak, emotional regulation, and why your nervous system knows before your mind does. The cultural origins of the soulmate myth and the psychological traps it creates. Why letting go of "the one" opens the door to better, freer, and more abundant love. Personal stories of past relationships that felt like fate — and what they really taught about love, growth, and self-worth. Blending humor, storytelling, and research from psychology, neuroscience, and relationship science, this episode is both a reality check and a permission slip: you don't only get one great love story. You get many—and the next beautiful connection might arrive out of nowhere, long after you thought the best was behind you. Reflection Question of the Week: Think about one of the most beautiful connections you've ever had. How would it feel to trust that your next beautiful connection will arrive just as unexpectedly? Resources Mentioned: Clinical Psychology Review (2021) study on emotional regulation and relationship readiness Fisher et al. (2010) research on heartbreak and the brain's reward system Knee et al. (2003) on destiny belief and relationship disengagement Boss (1999) on ambiguous loss Aron et al. (1997) on creating closeness with strangers Neuroplasticity research from Doidge (2007) Oxytocin and cortisol research (Ditzen et al., 2007) Companionate love study in Social Psychological and Personality Science (2012) ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production.

In this tender, science-backed episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about why play isn't regression—it's repair. Using the Labubu phenomenon as a doorway, we unpack how nostalgia, variable reinforcement (dopamine), and "comfort consumerism" can actually be signals from the nervous system asking for softness and safety. We explore inner-child work through attachment theory and somatic psychology, grieve the life our parents imagined for us, and practice building one that finally feels like home. We also look at the only-child experience—why so many only children feel "wise beyond their years," and how to lovingly rebalance the "mini-adult" identity with real play. This episode is for anyone who's ever thought, "Why do I feel guilty resting?" or "Why does joy feel… awkward?" and for the former gifted kids, good daughters, and only children who are learning to choose themselves with tenderness. In this episode, we cover: What it means to stop earning love and let it land—soft, safe, unearned Why Labubu hits our reward circuitry: anticipation, novelty, and the neuroscience of nostalgia Play as protest: how silliness and awe regulate an overworked nervous system Inner child 101: theta-state learning (0–7), attachment blueprints, and introjected beliefs The quiet grief of leaving the life your parents wanted—and choosing alignment over optics Only-child psychology: adult modeling, upward scaffolding, "mini-adult" roles, and the peer-skills trade-off Gentle reparenting: journaling prompts that witness (not fix) your younger self Somatic first aid: regulate first (breath, vagal toning, cold splash, rocking), then reflect Joy reps & micro-rituals: building a daily rhythm your inner child feels safe in Boundaries that protect the child self: a soft no, a playful yes, and one clear limit where guilt used to live Reframe to keep: "Labubu isn't regression. It's resurrection." Reflection Question of the Week: What is one thing your inner child always longed for—but never received—and how can you give it to them now? Let it be small. A ritual, a boundary, a $12 joy. Let it be yours. Resources Mentioned: Bowlby & Ainsworth on Attachment Theory Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score EMDR & Internal Family Systems (IFS) approaches to trauma processing Research on dopamine, anticipation, and variable reinforcement Writing on comfort consumerism during economic stress Family Systems Theory on introjection and role consolidation (the only-child "mini-adult") Somatic practices for vagal toning and nervous-system regulation ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production.

In this lighter (but still unhinged) episode of The Wrong Ones, we're switching things up with a special listener Q&A. From cosmic gaslighting and spiritual co-parenting offers to spreadsheet-date reviews and fake trips to Italy, you all seriously delivered. We're answering 15 real questions submitted via Instagram—from the deeply relatable to the wildly absurd—serving up hot takes, red flag radars, and honest reflections on what it means to date in an era of soft launches and disappearing acts. Whether you're questioning your own dating patterns or just here for the chaos, this episode offers equal parts insight, validation, and laughs. If you've ever wondered: Is he actually healing or just emotionally unavailable with a better PR team? Are you being too picky or just asking the wrong person? And… does he really deserve a response if he gifted a fake Italy trip in front of his family? This one's for you. In this episode, we cover: Why your relationship timelines matter more than his comfort zone The art of catching feelings after one good date (and why it doesn't mean you're delulu) A guy who Venmo requested for a drink he drank… and called it feminism Green flags vs trauma dumps: is vulnerability or manipulation? What to do when your ex comes back from the digital dead like nothing happened Fake trip gifting, ChatGPT love notes, and Google Doc performance reviews When to wait… and when to walk away Dating older men: evolved maturity or intentional bachelorhood? What healthy texting habits actually look like Why some guys treat love like a startup pitch deck And the question that matters most: are you abandoning yourself to keep someone else? ----- As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners. Come say hi on Instagram @thewrongonespodcast An Operation Podcast production.