This Complex Life

You say yes before you've even thought about it. Later that night you're lying awake, going over it, annoyed at them and even more annoyed at yourself. You don't want to be the difficult one, so you keep saying yes and the resentment keeps building. In this episode I talk with author and coach Maryna Bilousova about people pleasing, resentment and the good girl conditioning that makes saying no feel impossible.Things Discussed:How childhood patterns show up in who we choose and how we react in adult relationshipsFreud's iceberg and the part of the mind that runs things below our awarenessWhy resentment so often comes back to boundaries and self worthThe good girl conditioning: behave, comply, never say no, never admit there's a problemWhy it's so hard to sit with someone else's disappointmentWhy a boundary is your job to hold, not the other person's job to rememberThe fence in the park and why boundaries create a sense of securityHow behaviour gets co created between people, from gym classes to the friend who's always lateWhy understanding a pattern isn't the same as changing it, and how EMDR and hypnosis can helpThe Gottman aftermath of a fight and a couple arguing over a leaky tapTaking time for yourself as a parent, and what happens when mothers lose themselves in their kidsPractical ways to say no: pause, breathe, count to three, the superwoman pose and clear is kindTimestamps:0:00 Resentment and the patterns we can't explain1:00 How Maryna came to this work through her own relationship2:00 Freud's iceberg and the subconscious mind3:30 When an adult relationship repeats a childhood dynamic5:00 Resentment, boundaries and being the good girl7:00 Why saying no feels so hard8:00 The power of saying no9:00 The fence in the park: boundaries as security10:00 How behaviour gets co created11:00 When old fears follow you to work12:30 Understanding a pattern versus changing it15:00 The Gottman aftermath of a fight and the leaky tap18:30 What Maryna wishes she'd known as a young mum21:00 Losing yourself in your kids23:30 Learn to say no and trust your gut25:00 The superwoman pose and clear is kindResources and Links:Loving Without Losing Yourself by Maryna Bilousova: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GHSY27PGMaryna Bilousova on Instagram, including her free discovery call: https://www.instagram.com/maryna_bilousova_official/Relationship Reset: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/EMDR therapy at The Therapy Hub: https://thetherapyhub.com.au/emdr/Brené Brown, clear is kind: https://brenebrown.com/articles/2018/10/15/clear-is-kind-unclear-is-unkind/Guest Info:Maryna Bilousova is an author and coach who works with women stuck in emotionally confusing relationships. Her work brings together subconscious reprogramming, hypnotherapy and what she calls the revolutionary mindset. She's the author of Loving Without Losing Yourself and a mother of four, and she joined me from Germany. You can find Maryna on Instagram, where you can also book a free discovery call with her.ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

You're the one everyone brings their problems to, at work, at home and everywhere in between.By the time the day winds down you've held the school emails, the parent who needs a phone call, the clients and the health advice you keep meaning to follow, and you're not sure who gets to hold any of it for you. It's a lot to carry, and most of us carry it without saying so out loud.Fi Mims, a business coach and photographer who has been running her own business for 23 years, joins me to talk about the load women carry at home and at work and who she actually calls when it all gets heavy.Things Discussed:What life looks like in the sandwich generation, with 17 year old twins, a business and two parents in aged careWhy the health messaging aimed at women over 40 can leave you feeling like nothing you do is ever enoughHow work can settle you when things are tense at home and what it takes to be fully present for someone elseThe unspoken expectations about who carries the mental load and why workplaces and schools haven't caught up with families where both partners workA fresh perspective on the trad wife movement and burnoutWho Fi talks to when things get heavy and why sharing the load with the right people mattersUsing professional support alongside your inner circleWhat Fi has learnt about listening in her marriage and with her teens, including calming down first, taking the other person's perspective and letting teenagers have their sayWhy planning ahead and slowing down before you're forced to is worth the discomfortChoosing deeper connection over the easy win of the couchTimestamps:2:00 Life in the sandwich generation4:00 Hiking the Grampians with her son7:00 Holding space for others while managing your own life8:00 Being a woman in business and the unspoken load at home10:00 Why work and school haven't caught up with working families13:00 The trad wife movement and burnout14:00 The pressure to get health right16:00 Who you unload with when it all gets heavy19:00 Using professional support when you need it22:00 Communication and perspective taking in marriage24:00 Parenting teens and learning to zip it27:00 What Fi would say to anyone in this season30:00 Slowing down, planning ahead and choosing deeper connection33:00 Wrapping up and one thing to tryResources and Links:Work with Fi Mims: https://fimims.com/contactFind Fi online: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/fimims/Facebook https://www.facebook.com/fimimsphotographyLinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/fi-mims-photography/Keep the Conversation GoingGot a question you'd like answered on the podcast? Ask me anything here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Guest Info:Fi Mims is an award winning photographer and business coach who supports her clients to look and feel their best and lifts the visibility of their personal brands. Her photographs show clients as authentic, beautiful and powerful, and her coaching supports them to find self belief, confidence and purpose.With over 20 years of experience behind her, Fi has navigated the many challenges facing modern women while building and maintaining a multiple six figure business. When she's not working she's dreaming up new holiday adventures, getting through the pile of books next to her bed, enjoying a good boogie and never refusing a glass of champagne.ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Marie:https://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

You still say I love you before bed. You still sit next to each other on the couch most nights. Nothing bad has happened, no big fight, no betrayal, and somewhere along the way you stopped feeling like you actually know this person.This episode looks at three reasons emotional intimacy fades in long term relationships, even when nothing has gone wrong, and what you can actually do about it this week.Things Discussed:What bids for connection are, and why missing them slowly creates distanceThe Gottman research on why relationships more often end in a slow drift than one big blow upWhy spending time together is not the same as quality timeThe REV framework for listening: reflect, empathically attune, validateThe still face experiment, and why a blank face can feel threateningWhy couples stop updating each other, and how to start againSpecific open ended questions to try with your partner this weekTimestamps:2:00 Why emotional distance builds without one clear cause3:00 Bids for connection, explained5:00 The Gottman research on what keeps couples together7:00 Why time together is not the same as quality time9:00 The problem with yes or no questions11:00 REV: reflect, empathically attune, validate14:00 The still face experiment15:00 The third reason couples drift apart18:00 Questions to try with your partner this week20:00 Small deposits, not one grand gestureResources and LinksFree open ended questions guide Open ended questions https://marievakakis.com.au/open-ended-questions-for-couples/Relationship Reset coursehttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Keep the Conversation Goingforms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Connect with Marie:https://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Most people don't know the difference between a sex therapist and a couples therapist, or which one they actually need. In this episode, Tania Wellby, an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Sex Therapist, joins Marie to talk about sexual scripts, mismatched desire and why your partner turning you down is almost never about you. It's a direct conversation about the stuff most of us only type into Google late at night and never say out loud.Things DiscussedThe difference between a sex therapist and a couples therapist, and how to know which one you needWhat actually brings people to sex therapy, from mismatched desire to sexual trauma to dating anxietySexual scripts, the unspoken rules about sex and gender we absorb from culture and never actually choseWhy one partner's low desire so often gets misread as rejectionThe vulnerability cycle, and how it shows up around sex as much as it does around conflictHow to say what you actually feel instead of the thing that starts a fightWhy nothing shocks a good sex therapist, and what that means for the rest of usTimestamps0:00 What actually brings someone to sex therapy2:00 Welcome to This Complex Life with Tania Wellby5:00 Why sex is still taboo, even among social workers8:00 What actually brings people through the door13:00 Sex therapy or couples therapy, how to know which one you need14:00 Sexual scripts, the blueprint nobody signs up for17:00 The vulnerability cycle and why low desire gets read as rejection23:00 Is there anything that could still shock herResources and LinksTania Wellbyhttps://www.yestherapy.com.au/meet-taniaFree sex and intimacy guidehttps://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/Keep the Conversation Goingforms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Guest InfoTania Wellby is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Sex Therapist. She's dual trained, which means she works across both the mental health side and the sex therapy side of what people bring into the room, including desire, sexual trauma, sexuality and relationships.

You love your partner and you'd choose them again if you had to do it all over, so why did you stop wanting sex with them?As a couples therapist, this is one of the most common things I hear from couples, and it's almost never about love running out.In this episode, I break down why love and desire run on completely different systems, how safety and familiarity can quietly work against your sex life, what becoming a parent does to desire (and why being touched out is different from just being tired), how resentment blocks desire and why waiting for spontaneous desire to strike is a myth that's setting you up to wait forever.I also share practical ways to bring the spark back without adding pressure, including the difference between wanting and willing and one simple exercise you can try tonight. If you've been quietly wondering whether something's wrong with you or your relationship, this episode is for you.Free conflict workbook: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/Free guide to sex and intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/Relationship Reset course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/0:00 Why you can love someone and still not want sex with them6:00 Becoming a parent and feeling touched out12:00 Resentment and the mental load15:00 Why waiting for spontaneous desire is a myth20:00 Bringing back novelty, fun and playfulnessENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6