Three Bean Salad

For reasons we can't fully remember, last year at Ratmas-tide we read out 12 rat anecdotes sent in by listeners. Well, it's back again and this time it's live and writhing, like so many rats. Merry Ratmas!Thanks to our pianist Freddie Tapner and our guest Isy Suttie.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Fest:Saturday 2nd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-live-at-machfest-2026/Sunday 3rd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-podcast-live-at-machfest-2026/New merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

The very latest statistics make it clear that, given the pervasiveness of organised crime worldwide, at least 2 regular listeners of Three Bean Salad must be directly involved in some Mob or other (and most likely at a middle-management level). But who are they? And do they know each other? Are they sworn enemies or, given their shared life experience, might they be able to develop a soul-nourishing friendship if they could only drop the street tough outer crust for 5 ruddy minutes??!! Ta very much to Diogo of Lisbon for gifting this week’s topic to the Bean Machine (which is organised crime obvs).With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Fest:Saturday 2nd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-live-at-machfest-2026/Sunday 3rd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-podcast-live-at-machfest-2026/New merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

How and where and why and when and if do you wash your undergarments? Presumably this is a conversation Douglas from Michigan wishes to prompt across the world as he top-loads laundry into the bean machine and sets it to lukewarm without a second thought as to whether or not Bonjo’s in the middle of boil washing his banjo britches.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladNew merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.com

The beans return refreshed, carefully groomed and oiled in all the right places for a new season of lukewarm banter. First up: neighbours, courtesy of Nicole of Oregon. Tune in for a heady mix of truth bombs and real talk washed down with half a pint of nitty-gritty.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our live streams for our London tour date: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-6-dec-online/Bonjo's House Of Pain: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-presents-bonjos-house-of-pain-live-online-stream/and Ratmas: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-presents-ratmas-live-online-stream/New merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comFor Mike's tour info: www.mrmikewozniak.com

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December)Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our Glasgow show, plus live streams for our London tour date, Bonjo's House Of Pain and Ratmas: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of mindfulness)Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our Glasgow show, plus live streams for our London tour date, Bonjo's House Of Pain and Ratmas: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

As our days grow shorter and our ear hair grows longer what better to reflect upon than the righteous placement of bollards and ethical commercial land zoning. Thank you then to Dan from Saint Bremen who has offered up town planning as this week’s source of lukewarm banter. Whatever you think you thought you remembered you knew about town planning, prepare to have a cost-effective, zero-emission, fully-accessible ideas-tramway built right through the middle of it.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTo watch Benjamin's short film, Daddy Superior, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY2xsuHcDkIFor Mike's tour info: www.mrmikewozniak.comTickets for our Glasgow show, plus live streams for our London tour date, Bonjo's House Of Pain and Ratmas: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

Even the most disciplined podcasters in the world are susceptible to the occasional whoopsie. So it is with this episode which, owing to circumstances outside but mostly inside the beans’ control, contains no listener topic suggestion but does contain a discourse on donkey milk soap which probably would have come up from the bean machine soon enough anyway to be fair.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Tickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

It’s a lukewarm take on the Antarctic this week owing to the actions of Mark from near Colliers Wood. We all know that the Antarctic holds strong appeal for scientists who either A) can’t work out how else to avoid a conventional domestic life or B) are waiting out the clock on a statute of limitations in their home nation. But what on Earth is in it for the penguins? What have they got to prove? And do their feet ever stick to the ice when they have a waddle-pause? Answers on a postcard please and in the meantime enjoy what we assume is a world first: a podcast episode recorded by people actually physically in the same room.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Tickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

Lee of the Black Country wants the beans discuss Sunday roasts this week, presumably because he’s not allowed to have one himself this weekend. But why not? Was he rude to a policeman? Did he throw a wobbly when feeling overwhelmed at an unanticipated bridge toll-booth? Has he been telling fibs about Gerard Butler? Either way the beans are happy to oblige and give Lee and you the next best thing audio wise.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

In WW2 a shortage of materials led to parachute silk often being recycled into knickers and vice versa. In honour of this the beans continue to send their underpants to His Majesty’s Armed Forces today, even in peacetime. But who the blazes is using this precious commodity for recreational purposes and why? Luckily Tom of Bristol has suggested extreme sports as this week’s topic so expect answers within.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

This week the beans tackle kitchen gadgets thanks to Tymon of Poland. Currently there are no legal restrictions on or requirements for the personal use of vegetable spiralizers in domestic, industrial, galley or toy kitchens. We exist in a legislative black hole so this episode couldn’t be more timely.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladFundraising for Battersea Dogs & Cats Home in memory of Bluebell: https://www.justgiving.com/page/tbs-batterseaTickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

People are known to have travelled from Bristol to Australia and vice versa on various occasions and sometimes more than once. Given these strong links it shouldn’t come as a shock that Loz of Bristol reckons this week’s topic for the beans ought to be Australia. Let’s bean.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

Sam of Aurora slung noodles into the bean machine, and the beans attacked it with relish, going deep on the topic in such a way that you'll never look at a noodle, or even tagliatelle, in the same way again. You thought you knew what noodles were, well think on friend. And then think some more, and some more. And you still won't get close to the paradigm-shifting lukewarm power of the beans.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

A freebie Patreon episode to give you a taste of the sort of thing we do over there. Henry tells Mike and Ben the story of Hans The Hedgehog.www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September)Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTOUR TICKETS: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of an EU directive)Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

Hailey of Guildford offers up hiking as a topic for the beans this week which is nothing to be ashamed of. Just as the cardinal rule of the hiker is to leave no trace of themselves on the landscape, the lukewarm banter of the beans will pass through your mindscape with the firm promise to leave no memorable impression of any kind. With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpodHenry Widdicombe's new comic, How To Survive An Affair: https://goshlondon.com/how-to-survive-an-affair-1/Gareth Gwynn's show Cyril at the Camden Fringe: https://camdenfringe.com/events/gareth-gwynn-cyril/

Queen Vic, Lil’ Drina, Granny Europe, The Windsor Widow, The Saxe-Coburg Slicker, Big Bo Peep. Whatever you call her, Queen Victoria still holds the record for the monarch with the most pubs and Spice Girls named after them. No wonder Pete from Derby wanted a lukewarm lens cast over her - and he knew just the beans for the job.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

Match Of The Day. Big Break. Bullseye. All of the major British sports have been comprehensively covered by television for decades - except archery. Looks like it’s time for the beans to pick up where television couldn’t be arsed. Ta very much to Charis of Los Angeles for this week’s topic (which is archery btw).With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our UK TOUR available here: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod