Three Percent

What if the way you relate to God has less to do with your theology — and everything to do with your attachment strategy? Dr. Geoff Holsclaw is back, and this time the conversation goes somewhere none of them planned. In part one, Geoff laid out the attachment landscapes — the desert, the jungle, the war zone, and the pasture — and gave listeners a way to see themselves in their relational patterns. This episode takes that framework somewhere more personal: straight into the room where faith lives. How does your attachment strategy shape your picture of God? And what does it actually look like to move toward something more secure — not just with people, but with Him? KEY TAKEAWAYS How your attachment strategy shapes your picture of God — the difference between compensation and correspondence Why anxious/jungle people and avoidant/desert people often end up in the same church frustrated with each other for completely opposite reasons Why deconstruction is sometimes just dragging God into your insecure attachment landscape — and why that's worth sitting with How stoicism and trauma-informed therapy are two sides of the same insecure coin in our current cultural moment CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: am I always trying to do it right with God? (02:00) Welcoming Geoff back — and what we left on the table in part one (05:00) The question this episode is built around: how does your attachment strategy shape your picture of God? (08:00) Compensation vs. correspondence — two ways your childhood gets projected onto God (10:00) Why people with insecure attachment tend to have the big crisis conversion (12:00) Jungle spirituality: hyper-focused on whether God showed up in worship (14:00) Desert spirituality: as long as I check the right boxes, God and I are good (15:00) When desert people and jungle people attend the same church (17:00) Blake: how losing the emotional spiritual experience left him skeptical of everyone who still has one (19:00) Jamie: how his desert strategy built a faith with no room to receive — until it wasn't (23:00) Secure attachment as balanced attachment: holding cognitive and social-emotional together (27:00) We're always trying to drag God into our landscape — and He's always drawing us into the pasture (28:00) Deconstruction as a way of making God match your insecure attachment style (29:00) The rise of stoicism and trauma-informed therapy: two insecure extremes of the same cultural moment (31:00) How to know if you're pulling God into your landscape vs. being invited into the pasture (38:00) Jamie on experiencing God as Friend before Father — and why that path is valid (41:00) God met me in the desert too: why you don't have to throw away the gifts from your old landscape (44:00) Geoff: 26 years into marriage, he just started asking his wife, "Can I share my heart with you?" (48:00) The secret pain of high performers: everyone thinks you have it together, and inside you're terrified you're a fraud (59:00) Where's the growth edge? Running new experiments — that's what faith actually is (01:03:00) The Attachment to God Summit and where to find Geoff LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Part 1 — Geoff Holsclaw on the Attachment Landscapes: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4TwXYm72Fprc7Bu2Xu6EZV?si=243a17fc5134416d Geoff Holsclaw's Website — Center for Embodied Faith: https://www.embodiedfaith.life/ Landscapes of the Soul (book by Geoff & Sid Holsclaw): https://www.embodiedfaith.life/ The Attachment to God Summit (fall): https://www.embodiedfaith.life/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Geoff Holsclaw, attachment to God, attachment landscapes, desert spirituality, jungle spirituality, secure attachment, faith, deconstruction, stoicism, trauma, embodied faith, Landscapes of the Soul, men's mental health, holistic masculinity, spiritual formation, running new experiments, pasture, healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the most dangerous thing we can do around suicide isn't talking about it — but refusing to? September is Suicide Awareness Month, and Jamie and Blake are kicking it off with someone they describe as the most accessible voice on this topic they've ever encountered: Jen Butler — real talk writer, comedian, and author of Volume Control — who has spent years refusing to let shame keep this conversation small. Both Blake and Jamie share openly from their own stories in this episode. Blake attempted suicide at 17. Jamie has experienced passive suicidality. Jen has had multiple attempts, multiple psych ward stays, and years of addiction underneath it all. And yet somehow this episode is also funny. Warm. Honest in a way that makes you feel less alone rather than more afraid. Jen traces her story from a heartbreak at 14 in a Burger King parking lot, to a cancer diagnosis at 22 and the narcotic pain pills that followed, to two psych ward stints, breast implant illness, disordered eating, and finally — sobriety, courtesy of a poet with a man bun. She talks about what it took to write Volume Control — a choose-your-own-emotional-regulation guidebook she built over six years by writing letters to her future self from her darkest places — and previews her next book, Stay, which publishers keep loving and refusing at the same time, because the word suicide makes everyone nervous. The irony is not lost on her. If you've ever had the thought that you just didn't want to be here anymore — or you love someone who has — this episode will give you language, permission, and a little bit of relief. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why not talking about suicide is the most dangerous thing we can do — not the other way around How suicidality is really just one expression of a universal human instinct: discomfort is loud, we want comfort Why a suicide attempt doesn't automatically lead to a shift — and what actually has to change What "the volume turned up on life" means and why some people feel everything louder than others How Jen built Volume Control — six years of letters to her future self, organized by emotional state CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: the reason I got sober was a poet with a man bun (02:00) Kicking off Suicide Awareness Month — and why Jen is the perfect guest (05:00) Introducing Jen Butler: real talk writer, comedian, not afraid of the dark stuff (07:00) Volume turned up on life: what it's like to feel everything louder than everyone else (08:00) First thoughts of suicide at 14 — heartbreak, a Burger King parking lot, and no language for the pain (10:00) Cancer at 22, pain pills, and finding the blend that numbed the discomfort (11:00) First attempt at 23 — and why getting a clean bill of health was the trigger (13:00) Being a victim is cozy — Jen, Jamie, and Blake on the seductive comfort of that identity (15:00) Blake shares his own attempt at 17 and what was underneath it (17:00) Suicidality as binary thinking — the same switch that fires at a bad job or a rough relationship (21:00) The psych ward experience, and why leaving didn't change anything (25:00) Getting sober at 27 — and then three years of white-knuckling through breast implant illness (29:00) Writing letters to future Jen — the six-year origin story of Volume Control (34:00) How to use Volume Control: zero through 11, the feely-wheely, and a choose-your-own-adventure table of contents (37:00) Stay — the new book, the subtitle, and the publishing world's fear of the word suicide (44:00) Platforms, shadowbans, and why even the word gets blurred like a photo of a... you know (48:00) Veterans, police, and the career cost of asking for help (51:00) Why getting help is treated as proof you're a liability — and why that's backwards (55:00) Self-publishing, crowdfunding, and why Jen is done asking permission (57:00) In the time of this episode, 83 people will have died by suicide LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Jen Butler's Website: https://www.jenbutlersays.com/ Jen Butler on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenbutlersays/ Volume Control by Jen Butler (buy the book): http://volumecontrolbook.com Free PDF from Stay — "Tricks for Rough Brain Days": sign up at https://jenbutlersays.kit.com/pdf-justfortoday 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 — https://988lifeline.org/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Jen Butler, Volume Control, Stay, suicide awareness, suicide prevention, suicidality, mental health, men's mental health, addiction, recovery, sobriety, emotional regulation, trauma, shame, stigma, veterans mental health, self-publishing, holistic masculinity, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when the anger showing up in your classroom has nothing to do with your students — and everything to do with a kid who never felt heard? This week Jamie and Blake welcome Chris Winikka for a Top Plate episode — a live coaching call where a real member of the Three Percent community brings his actual 3% to the table. Chris who is in his 26th year of teaching high school computer science found the podcast while processing his own story, and somewhere along the way started noticing something he couldn't ignore: after decades of keeping his cool in the classroom, he was snapping at students. The anger was back — and it was louder than it should have been for what was actually happening. What follows is one of the most practical and quietly moving Top Plate episodes yet. Chris traces the anger back through anxious attachment, a childhood of being dismissed as "just Chris," the identity crisis that came when AI started threatening his sense of worth as a teacher, and the slow realization that what his students need most from him has nothing to do with what he knows about programming. If you're a teacher, a parent, or anyone who has ever let frustration loose on someone who didn't deserve the full weight of it — this one will find you. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why anger that feels disproportionate is almost always pointing to something deeper underneath How anxious attachment from childhood can show up decades later in the classroom — or anywhere you need to be received well What the AI identity crisis reveals about where we've been quietly sourcing our self-worth Why negativity bias means one bad student review encodes louder than ten great ones — and how your brain then lies to you about the ratio The difference between rescuing a dysregulated student and helping them navigate discomfort Why naming the process — not the content — is the most powerful tool in the room What it means to be a regulated nervous system in a room full of kids who may never encounter one CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: who am I if AI can just do this stuff? (02:00) What a Top Plate episode is — and why Chris chose to do it twice (04:00) The difference between coaching and therapy (07:00) Chris: 26 years of teaching, and suddenly snapping at students again (11:00) AI, falling enrollment, and the identity crisis underneath the anger (15:00) The SEEN Method and asking "what am I scared of?" (16:00) "It's just Chris" — tracing the anger back to anxious attachment in a family of five (18:00) You can't tame what you can't name (20:00) Apologizing well — and what a real apology sounds like vs. "I'm sorry you were offended" (23:00) Negativity bias, Rate My Teacher, and why one bad review drowns out ten good ones (28:00) How Chris is approaching the new school year differently (30:00) Not robbing students of the opportunity to struggle — and what learned helplessness actually looks like (33:00) Naming the process, not the content: Blake's tool for the classroom (40:00) When did you decide you weren't good at this? — the third grade math moment (41:00) What do you want future Chris to remember? (44:00) You might be the only regulated nervous system these kids encounter all day LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Want to do your own Top Plate episode? Reach out at: https://threepercentco.com/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Top Plate, live coaching, Chris Winikka, teacher mental health, anger, anxious attachment, AI identity crisis, negativity bias, classroom management, learned helplessness, self-worth, nervous system regulation, men's mental health, vulnerability, personal growth, holistic masculinity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What can Spider-Man teach us about masculinity, mental health, vulnerability, and authentic connection? In this special episode of the Three Percent Podcast, Jamie and Blake take a different approach: they react to the newest Spider-Man movie and unpack the deeper psychological and relational themes hiding underneath the superhero story. Through Peter Parker's loneliness, rage, isolation, self-acceptance, and relationships, they explore what happens when we don't have safe places to process our emotions—and what can happen when we finally allow ourselves to be known. They talk about the difference between fixing our emotions and actually engaging them, why high-performing people can still experience deep hopelessness, how vulnerability creates vulnerability in others, and why some of our deepest pain can only be repaired through connection. There are plenty of Spider-Man references, but ultimately this episode isn't really about superheroes. It's about what it means to stop hiding behind the mask and let ourselves be seen. ⚠️ Spoiler warning: This episode contains significant spoilers for the newest Spider-Man movie. Takeaways You can look like you have it all together and still be deeply hurting. Peter is literally Spider-Man—saving people and performing at a high level—while experiencing profound loneliness and hopelessness. Isolation turns pain into behavior. Peter experiences overwhelming emotions, isolates himself, works more, and eventually his unprocessed pain begins showing up as rage and destructive behavior. We don't just need to "fix" difficult emotions. Jamie and Blake explore what happens when we treat emotions as problems to eliminate rather than experiences that need to be understood and integrated. Connection is often the pathway to repair. The movie's most powerful moments aren't resolved through dominance or power, but through empathy, vulnerability, connection, and repair. Vulnerability creates the possibility of hope. Peter's willingness to risk connection—even when he could have walked away—becomes a powerful picture of how vulnerability can open the door to hope and authentic relationship. Chapters (00:00) — What's Up, Spider-Fans? (02:00) — What Spider-Man Has to Do With Men's Mental Health (05:00) — The Loneliness of Being Spider-Man (21:00) — Isolation, Rage & Self-Medicating (24:00) — "You're Too Much" (32:00) — The Power of a Corrective Emotional Experience (34:00) — Connection Over Dominance (38:00) — Vulnerability Breeds Vulnerability (40:00) — You Don't Have to Fix What You're Feeling (44:00) — Self-Acceptance & Being Loved for Who You Are (46:00) — Vulnerability, Hope & the Final Handshake (48:00) — What Spider-Man Can Teach Us About Connection Keywords Three Percent Podcast, men's mental health, Spider-Man, Marvel, masculinity, holistic masculinity, vulnerability, authentic connection, loneliness, depression, hopelessness, emotional health, emotional regulation, self-acceptance, self-compassion, shame, rage, isolation, male friendship, empathy, emotional connection, relationships, repair, corrective emotional experience, safe men, mental health, vulnerability and masculinity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if your Enneagram type isn't the definition of who you are, but simply a strategy you learned to survive? In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with therapist and Enneagram practitioner Katie Gustafson to explore the Enneagram as more than a personality test. Katie describes it as a “map of attention”—a way of understanding what we instinctively focus on, what we're trying to protect ourselves from, and what we may be missing as a result. This is ultimately a conversation about authenticity, grace, healing, and becoming more fully human. Takeaways Your Enneagram type is a strategy, not your identity. What you focus on can reveal what you're missing. Hurt isn't necessarily harm. Anger can be a signal rather than a problem. Your “small story” doesn't have to become your whole story. Resources / Links Katie Gustafsonhttps://katiegustafson.co/ Katie on Instagram — @katiegustafson.co Three Percent Co. https://threepercentco.com/ Chapters (00:00) — What is the Enneagram, really? (05:00) — The stories we create as children (07:00) — When your personality becomes a mask (10:00) — What your Enneagram type helps you miss (13:00) — The struggle of being “special” (19:00) — Your Enneagram strategy vs. God's grace (22:00) — What is the “ouchie”? (24:00) — Hurt vs. harm (30:00) — Nine different “normals” (35:00) — Why anger matters (40:00) — Anger, boundaries, and right action (43:00) — The nine Enneagram strategies (54:00) — When your strategy makes you lose yourself (58:00) — Learning what you need (1:02:00) — Your type is the small story (1:05:00) — Becoming the author of your life Keywords Enneagram, Enneagram types, personality, authenticity, emotional health, emotional healing, relationships, attachment, self-awareness, self-compassion, common humanity, anger, boundaries, hurt vs harm, abuse, trauma, grace, God, identity, personal growth, healing, emotional honesty, needs, vulnerability, masculinity, therapy, narrative therapy, protective strategies, survival strategies, integration, wholeness, spiritual formation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices