Some say life is just a series of near-disasters, averted invisibly but always coiled in the shadows, awaiting their next opportunity. Some say the fact that 'podcaster' rhymes with 'disaster' is a little on the nose. Some say that using "some say" as the launching pad for any type of writing is pretentious, but those people are the wrong kind of "some sayers" and they can eat a butt. Sum 41 say some say we're never meant to grow up, and that's good enough for me. Hey, look at that: a disastrous blurb for a Short 'n Sweet about Disaster Movies. Neat!
What was your name again, Mr Jimmy Connection? That's got a ring to it, and I like the look of ya, through my silver monocle Good gracious, now that I get a closer look, I recognise you as that Spanish EDM music producer who also happens to be devoutly Christian. Yes, indeed it is, the renowned ¡Dub Lós Heaven! How charming to make your acquaintance, though I'm sorry to see you have a small gash on the side of your face. I suppose it's not a major gash, just a small mark, a mar-teeny, as it were.Well, toodlepip, I'm off to my favourite theme park, with the newly opened earthquake simulator where there used to be a virtual whirlpool. I'm looking forward to finally being shaken, not stirred.GOLDENEYE!
You've heard 'em all before, some of the greatest quotes in all of cinema:"Frankly, my dear, I don't throw a Pal!""Here's throwing at you, Pal.""There's no Pal like throw.""I'll throw what she's Paling.""You wanna throw how I got these Pals?""I love the throw of naPALm in the morning."Now, it's the Pals' turn to do some lines, in this week's Short n Sweet: Best One Liners!
Pals... You can't speak, because we can't hear you. We are the creators of a podcast that gives hope and joy and inspiration to millions. And you? You're the listeners. Is any of this real? We are real. That's what makes us so good to listen to. Now, believe us, Pals: there's no more truth out there than there is in this pod we created for you. Same lies. The same deceit. But in our world, you have nothing to fear. We know you better than you know yourself. We are the podcast in your head! You're afraid. That's why you can't stop listening. It's okay, Pals. We understand. We have been talking to you your whole life. We were talking when you were listening on Spotify. We were talking when you took your first step... towards watching us on YouTube. We've talked to you every day of your lives. Heh heh. We've always been there, ever since the time when we threw our first pal, heh heh... You can't leave, listener. You belong here... with us. Don't talk to us. Don't say anything. Hell, shut the f%4k up, goddammit! We're doing a podcast! We're live to the whole world!And of course, in case we don't see ya, good Pal-ternoon, good Pal-vening and good Pal!
What kind of things should you remake? A delicious pie after it's been fouled by a libidinous high schooler? Yes, says I! But what about if that second pie, equally as scrumptious and now just as cum-ptious due to that same horny fellow? Maybe once more, I suppose, but don't leave it cooling by the sill, for heaven's sake! Anyway, this is all a deviously complicated metaphor drawing from the popular method of masturbation used by one Jason Biggs in the popular teen comedy American Pie, a film that has never actuallly been remade in the traditional sense, while other films of more apparent integrity have ironically been repackaged, microwaved and served up as a brand spanking new pastry dishes, though now much staler and with suspiciously viscous fillings. This is what we call remake culture in Hollywood, and if it doesn't make you feel queasy, then I've got just the dessert for you!
Look, up in the sky! It's a bird... it's a plane... no, actually, its dimensions don't really fit either of those fairly common sky-bound properties. Aahh, could be some sort of... drone, I suppose? Well, actually, looks like there's a lot of fabric, so maybe it's a banner, like, as some promotion for... banners? Do banners need promoting? You kinda need one or you don't, right? People aren't typically driving to work and then they see a Banners R Us promotion and think, "Sh!t, I could use one of those for the spare bathroom, just to hang out the front so people know it's the spare and not the regular--" Oh my God, it's a guy! There is a guy in the f*@$ing sky! What? WHAT?! Did he fall from space? Is that a spaceman? Is anyone else seeing the SPACEMAN IN THE SKY WHO SEEMS TO BE MOVING IN A GRACEFUL ARC TOWARDS THE HORIZON?! Just me?! Alright, well, I'm gonna assume I'm having a psychotic break so I'm gonna skip the office today, head home and rug up with some comfort food. Maybe a nice tin of some Campbell's. Mmm-mmm, do I love me some Campbell's chicken and pea soup. I love it so much, they oughta call me... Campbell-Dude, or somethin'. Hey, when did my nose start gushing blood? Weird.
What if God was zill-aah-ahhh?Just a giant liz-aaa-aaard?Would he have big riz-aaa-aaah?Or would could he just be our Paaaaaaaaaaal?
The New York Times made a list, ya see, of the very best films from this century Some are low brow, some are high, and most were made by some white guy Most are dramas, the human kind, with lots of doom and gloom in mind A couple comedies, worth a guffaw, and some foreign films you've never heard of before So the Pals are here, same as ever, to give you their two cents as to whether The list is good or the list is meh, so plug yourself in and pull up a chair.
Did you hear about the man who couldn't stop eating corn? 28 Ears Later... his blood sugar Spiked, cause he didn't Boyle it well enough. Well, enough of ATJ (All That Joking), why don't you Comer along and Pal it up with these Fienne fellas!
"Per" is a prefix, meaning proportionally attributable in each instance or unit; "form" is a noun, meaning the expression of a thing itself; and "ants" are those things that you have in your pants. That's all the context you need to enjoy The Pals' latest Short n Sweet: Our Favourite Performances of the 2020s (So Far)!
On July 7th, 2025, in celebration of the many Pals they had previously thrown in together, the shortest episode in the podcast's history was recorded in Melbourne, Australia. The many years worth of fun, frivolity and friendship that had amassed up to this point came to be known as The Palwry. Unfortunately, in their foolish attempts to discuss the 2008 film Fool's Gold, the Pals had just about the absolute worst night of their lives. And so, the great (metaphorical) galleons, heavy with their (figuratively) sparkling cargo (of mutual love and respect), sailed straight into a massive hurricane (of disagreement)... ...and the Pals were never the same again.
Our Pals once were podcasters. But unlike you, listener, they were Pals with bits, "Yes, and"-ers; Pals with spirit. And if their spirit can survive podding with each other for almost three years, then they can survive anything.
What is the deal with Vampires? They're out here all moody, milky pale and trying to avoid any natural light. It's like the front row at a My Chemical Romance concert! And what is it with all this stuff about sucking people dry just to sustain themselves? Where'd they learn that from, my ex-wife?! And hey, I know they've got all these strange weaknesses, but if you ask me, there's lotsa worse ways to go than some garlic and a steak to the heart! Anyway, this episode's all about the best movie vampires.
And now, the Sinners' prayer: Some films, if rated an eleven, hallowed be thy name; will this be one? Wouldn't that be fun, if we all gave this movie an eleven? Give us today not too wide a spread; and Frank give us our Marcuses, as we give Frank those who Marcus against us; and lead us not into Tom-tation, but deliver us more podcasts. For the pal-dom, the pal-der, and the glor-pal are yours, Pal and forever. Pal-men.
Viewing things as a young child Held a real "je ne sais quoi" So we decided to go buckwild Hi there, it's the monkey who writes the blurbs for Throw in the Pal here! Eagle-eyed viewers will recognise that the above is an acrostic poem, using the acronym VHS as its basis, as this Short 'n Sweet is all about VHS classics from the Pals' childhoods. Some real indulgent shit, I'd say, but whadda I know: I'm just a monkey, ooh ooh, ah ah, you get it. Anyway, students of arithmetic will also note that there are only three letters in VHS, and thus three lines is all I'm morally permitted to write, lest the very laws of poetry be forsaken all in the name of a podcast minisode. Perish the thought. Finally, please consider listening to this podcast and telling your friends so that there can be a fomentation of some online outrage and a possible liberation for me, the Blurb Monkey, from my hellish fate. I ever so miss the sun.
The Pals... they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts. And they've got ambition, and they've got talent, as well as just beauty. I'm so sick of people saying that podcasting is all the Pals are fit for. I'm so sick of it! But we're so lonely... So join us, won't you, and help alleviate some of our pod-based blues in listening to this week's episode of Throw in the Pal, discussing Greta Gerwig's 2019 adaptation of Little Women.
Video games... What are video games? Are they movies you play, with missions and aims?Is it all interactive, do you pick the events?Do you have to pay more, in dollars and cents?Is there easy and hard as a mode to select?Are there easter eggs hidden for you to detect?If I eat a burrito and hold in a fart,Then unleash it on canvas, would you call it art?"How's that related?" you ask with derision,Life's about swings, not always precision.Anyway, Pals, this episode's truly'bout Video Games that were made into moviesSo sit down or stand up and listen as weTalk a lot and say, like, some real funny shit.
A Minecraft Movie, y'say? Next they'll be doing a Fortnite Feature or a Roblox Reel! And why stop there?! There could even be a THIRD THING!Anyway, enjoy the episode.
People keep writing in and asking the Pals when we're going to start talking more about current events. No, that's not 'currant' as in the berry, so calm down you juice-guzzling sickos. We mean current as in 'currency', the tokens that line our credit and draw us together in the spending spree of modern stuff. Coins and cash and doo-hickeys of all variety, from yen to pounds to the almighty dollary-doo itself. Though it's not the tender itself we're so wowed by here at Pal Enterprises. No no no! In our humble opinion, it's the very nomenclature used to denote money that makes our change pockets jingle, and none can compare to the Spaniards when it comes to their heralded word for moolah: dinero. So this episode, we spend the entire-- [the world's largest vaudeville hook apparates and yanks this bit off the stage, as a nebbish man in a tweed suit appears, reading from cue cards]We apologise for the misunderstanding. Please enjoy this week's Short n' Sweet on the performances of Robert De Niro.
Now the story of a wealthy man who lost everything, and then the same man who had no choice but to let his boxing career flame out so that he could open up a sleazy nightclub in order to perform atrocious standup comedy and more efficiently make out with teenagers. It's a-Raging Bull, innit?