Tiny Pictures

This episode is greatly inspired by this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHZ48AE3TOIParaphrasing Yngwie Malmsteen…You tell me somethingthat you perceive to be truein good faithfor it is obvious to youthat I don't know"Less" you say, "is more"But how can less be more?What formof alien mathdo you practiceto make this calculation?For it makes no sense.Only more is more, you fooland one plus thatmust always beone more.If less was moreA farmer might plant less seedand grow more crops next seasonor perhaps the heat of the fire would be lessby adding more coalsSo less can never be moreUnless by lessyou mean to addanother special ingredientwhich was not there beforeIn which case,it's still more.If less was moreA fishermanmight put less bait on a hook,and expect to catch more fishor maybe then he could justthrow away the fishing line altogetherand catch more fish with his bare hands.Then again, why even have hands?He'll catch more fish if you chop his hands off.But why then keep his arms? and so on.So you see, eventually you are leftwithout even a person!This philosophycan only lead to nothingAnd we all know, of coursethat there is something,even if we're unsureof exactly what that is.So less, can never be moreOnly more is moreHow can less by fucking more? you idiots.

I want to make a show for the Fringe FestivalWith live theatre, but quite comedicIt will involve hand puppetsand some animatronicsIt's also about sustainabilitybut not too wokeI want to make a show for the Fringe Festivalabout electronic circuitswith contemporary dance.There'll be some cool video projectionsand an explosive door prizeentry is just 5 bucksI want to make this show for the Fringe Festivalwith maybe, a bit of magic and a few surprisesInstead of a rabbit coming out of a hat,it's a koala!And the audience sits in the treeswhile the performers build a fire  But I want to make this show for the Fringe Festivalwith a live bandand a sword-swallowing amputeePicture belly dancers with reptileswhile members of the audiencerecite anonymous storiesof disastrous first datesThen, I want to make this show for the Fringe FestivalA kind of, burlesque science fictionDinner will be served on vinyl recordsAnd there’s an upside-down DJand a children’s choirlive streamed, of course But I really want to make this show for the Fringe Festivalwith a naked lady covered in glitter,who makes love to a transgender sex worker,on James St,in a box made of mirrors.

If buildings could speakthey'd have much to sayabout their creaky concrete bonesand how sore they are from the weight of all the thingsthat happen inside themThey have so many belly aches from mountains of documentsstill in filing cabinetsand computer systemsand furnitureand floor coveringsand wall hangingsThey'd probably tell you about the migrainesfrom all the footstepsthrough hallwaysand talkingand shufflingand coffee brewingand business makingMaybe they'd be worried about the futureas their lungs filled up with stale airthrough dirty air conditioner filtersand old machines with noisy fansand stale cookingand breathingStill, mostly at nightthe buildings go to sleepand sometimes, they dreamdream that they could speakand for once, only in their dreamseveryone would listenand understand their important musingsif buildings could speak

This weekI failedSorry

The quantum computer is coming They're just trying to makethose little qubit things immune to interferencefrom the big worldBecause when the big world leaks inthe qubits stop workingand the solutionsare all wrongOnce they work out an answerto this problemthey'll be able to calculatebigger numbersthan we ever imaginedThe big worldIs like the real worldThe one that you and I can seeIt's just a problemThat it keeps leaking into the little oneIt makes that little qubitsound a bit likea nice dreamthat you're fighting to stay insideon the verge of waking upand when you do wake upyou may be sadbecause you can't flyyou don't have 600 million dollarsand the cat you tried putting in a boxwith some radioactive materialis still deadBut recently, they discovered something elseThose little qubit thingsDon't need to be completely isolatedfrom the big worldBecause they can correct for the errors laterBut even then,there's a problemThe quantum computercan calculateso much information that there is no computerbig enoughto test if the answer Is correctSo as you can seeit's nice to dreambut there's really no point in building a quantum computerthank you

If only the way forward was clearinstead, it's like watching a movieon a faulty monitor screenthat keeps flashing on and offIf only the way forward was clearbut it's like walking through a stormand the wind is blowing you backwardswhile the rain stings your faceIf only the way forward was clearbut it's like trying to see a beautiful bodythrough glass bricksin a bathroomif only the way forward, could be clearbut it's like trying to play a gamethat no-one ever taught youwhere the rules are always changingIf only the way forward was clearthere'd be a sign, pointing clearlyin one directioninstead of spinning in the windIf only the way forward was clearthere'd be trails of bodieson the paths that shouldn't be takenpiling up and blocking the wayIf only the way forward was clearthen the world wouldn't sound like an orchestraforever tuning their instrumentswhile the first note of the concert is never played(move forwardtake a couple of stepsturn righttake two steps forward againturn left)If only the way forward was clearbut it's like someone whispering directionsin your left earwhile another voice recites poetry in your rightIf only the way forward was clear...

The vibration began in Jesus' pocketIt wouldn't normally be a problembut Jesus was in the middle of a live streamwith his iPhone connected to his AirPodsUnfortunately, there was a bug in the software which sent the vibrating and buzzingover the top of his audible addressto millions of his fans and followersMeanwhile, Kanye had joined the roomand was also live on the voice channelalong with Taylor Swift, who was already thereShe's always been a big fan of JesusThe buzzing didn't stopIndeed, it only got louder across the airwavesawakening in Kanye a certain sense of artistic absurdismHe began to repeat the phrase 'doo doo dum dum?'The pitch went up at the end like thatapparently signifying a questionHe kept saying it, over and overwhile the buzzing continued'doo doo dum dum?'Taylor started gigglingand whispered a question to Jesuswith imitation tears 'Jesus, what are you trying to say to us?'Jesus knew that this entire live streamwas compromised He couldn't work out how to stop the buzzingwhich was still growing louder And Kanye continued, 'doo doo dum dum?'Jesus replied to Taylor with as much authority as he could manageaided by turning up the reverb on his console 'I don't know'The words echoed around the globeFor some followers this was all too much and they tuned outOthers waited to see what would happen next'doo doo dum dum?'Thousands of trolls were now typing into the live chat windowinsensitive comments and hurtful remarkshowever true, difficult to readfor the small number of true followers leftBut none of this had any effect on JesusHe had removed his headphones and was no longer listening, to anyoneHe's been missing ever since

Did you hear what Elon's up to?He wants to plug our brainsdirectly into computersso we don't have to wait so longwhen we Google somethingHe's also going to send some of us into spaceHe's already launched a car up thereIt's still flying around the sunIt has travelled further than any other carin the history of carsElon, his name even sounds like a planetDid you hear what he did in South Australiawhen they had problems with their power infrastructure?He made them a big battery, the biggest ever.Did you hear what Elon said about Lidar?Lidar is like radar for self-driving carsBut Elon worked out you don't even need itBecause you can do it all with regular camerasHuhDid you see Elon on Joe Roganwhen he smoked that joint?He didn't even get highI guess because he's already such a space manor maybe just because he bumsuckedWhat about Elon's tunnel drilling company?It's called the 'Boring' companywhich some people might say is ironicBut it's not reallyWhen Elon's Cybertruck got a broken window at the product launchIt could've been a PR disaster Instead, a toy company made a remote control versionWith a cracked window decaland everyone had a laughAlso, you knowthat project you're working onDo you know what Elon would do?He'd strip it right backto first principlesYou might get a little frustratedbecause you thought you were almost there, almost finishedBut Elon would explain that you didn't think it through hard enough yetYou didn't really break it downinto first principleslike he wouldIn a strange way,Elon can see into the futureBut that's hardly surprising really because he's making the futureThanks Elon.

music and prose by Roly SkenderI arrive at the palace by busThe Queen and I are getting on surprisingly wellShe’s dressed elegantly in redIn the giant hallwe dance beneath chandeliersand cameras flash around usFamily, dignitaries and the press watch onWe talk about history and philosophyShe confides in me some little-known annoyances,that she experiences in her role as monarchIt’s a job in which, she discloses,she does her bestShe’s so easy to talk toThen, mid-conversation, she reaches downand grabs hold of my genitalsI push her hand away and say ‘that’s not why I’m here’but I don’t really know why I’m hereHer strength is surprisingWith knees bent, I push her wrist away from my crotchWe eventually drop to the floor togetherI apologiseMen arrive to take her away from me,but she breaks free of them and rushes towards meThis time I catch the force of her underarm grabwith both hands at her forearmand the force is re-directedI remain in a broad, bent-knee stanceas my feet slide backwards across the dance floorI narrowly avoid contact with a table of canapesQuite suddenly, it’s time to leaveBut I enjoyed dancingwith the queen

Guitar by Roly SkenderCool Vibes by Kevin MacLeod https://incompetech.com/ Promoted by MrSnooze https://youtu.be/iYOvAO1rAM0 License: CC BY 3.0 https://goo.gl/Yibru5This tiger kingWhat's the deal?A story of arseholessomehow spreading across the globelike a virusIs it any surprise,watching caged animalsfrom cagesof our own?So I've been listening to jazzThe soft, detective kindand thinking up tropesabout bad guysthere's the bad guy in a barThe new bad guy that you start rooting forbecause he's now fucking over the original bad guyThe bad guy that starts off goodThe bad guy with a weaknessUsually in the form of a female childfor whom he is also the protectorthe bad guy that keeps coming backthe bad guy that plays poolthe bad guy that tricks youthe bad guy whose dad was a bad guythe bad guy that eats peopleand the bad guy that's a nihilistNetflix shares are upthe rest is a bloodbathand somehowwe know it's for the bestBecause the Tiger King is on TVHe can teach youhow to lie to yourselfso you don't have to feel the painOnly in AmericaBut beware of false prophetscopycats, with mulletslooking for their own throneand a kingdom to rule

My shadowhe walks close to meSometimes I tell him'hey! hang back a little' but he likes to be right by my side.I think it gives him a sense of control,even though, if it wasn't for mehe wouldn't even be thereFor the most part,I just ignore himand nobody else seems to noticethat he's even thereMy shadowhe walks close to meHe'll whisper in my ear from time to timeand say things, that (if it was anyone else)could be taken the wrong wayI guess he thinkswe've known each other so longthat it's better to get to the pointwithout wasting timeand he's just being honestMy shadow, can't hear very well(maybe because he doesn't have ears)so I'll tell you...In truth, if he could have his own wayhe'd want the whole world to be as dark as he is.He always wants to lie downwith the lights offand the curtains closedas if the world outsideisn't there He doesn't care.He won't talk to anyone except meHe doesn't like people He doesn't even like food that much But we do chat sometimesHe tells me about the amazing scaleof the universeand how nothing really matters in the end I can kind of see where he's coming from My shadowhe walks close to meLuckily, when I'm smilinghe can't see

Music - Franz Liszt: 3 Concert Etudes S.144, R5I read some of my old writingIt was awfulIt was in a green duffel bagwhich hadn't been unzipped for 20 yearsThe other night, I found it again.As soon as I saw the striped blue book coverI knew what to expectand braced myself...I opened the book and the words flew outfrom the pageat my facelike batsThey tried to scratch my eyes outget inside my mouthand re-form themselvesThe struggle left me exhaustedwith blood dripping down my cheekSo I tore the book to piecesand screwed up the pagesand poured lighter fluid on themin a metal binReady to set it all ablaze,something changed my mindA split-second decisionto save something,even just a couple of linesBut as I reached down to grab the papersthe top of the lightermade contact with the edge of the binSomething sparkedThe whole thing ignitedand my arm was on fireEventually, I managed to pat it out with the curtainand the bin was still on fireand that awful writingwas gone

In difficult, unpredictable times it's easy to forgethow good,a fresh pair of undiescan make you feelFresh undies are softThey sit against your skin,so gentlyIt's as if you're not even wearing themAnd a fresh pair of undiesdoesn't judge youor ask you to coughin another directionor give you any concernabout things you can't seeQuite the opposite...Fresh undies just sit with youthrough the noiseThey give you nothing but comfortand ask for little in returnThere are clues everywhereAs to the importance of fresh undiesPhrases like "it's what's underneath that matters",or "if you scratch beneath the surface, you'll find she's really a nice person"Fresh undies are like starting the dayfrom first principlesElon Musk probably wears fresh undiesWhat a great metaphor they arefor a new beginningFresh undies can bringa little bit of hope into the worldAnd give you a quiet confidenceThey also have certain 'secret' powersrelated to the placebo effect and have sometimes, even been knownto cure depression Take that old pair of undies you're wearingHow sad they are...Will they make you feel special this morning?Or are they are a signifierof something you've almost forgottenBe nice to yourselfBecause in difficult, unpredictable times It's easy to forget how good,a fresh pair of undiescan make you feelThere's really no feeling that comparesto fresh undiesThanks for listening

Noire #1 by Music By Pedro https://goo.gl/sJT2e8 Promoted by MrSnooze https://youtu.be/iYOvAO1rAM0Castbox DetectiveDigging below the surfaceexposing the truth. Exhibit A: Jake SchaperID: 1184636United StatesLast seen 'parking' in a 32 hour Livecastby KiraAbout me assigned 'He is a Castbox member'An individual with no community posts0 followers but 2 fansNaomi Marriotand Hunter PhoenixLivecast regulars may remember the former,an English lady with an apparent learning disabilitywho was often 'looked out for' by members of the communityand sometimes mocked, for being a fake accountShe hasn't been seen for some timeHunter Phoenix meanwhile has 6 fansTwo of which, are Naomi MarriottSearch results for Jake Schaper revealA football playerA youtube game streamerwith 115 subscribersThere's also a 'Failure Analysis Engineer'A student, and an MMA fighterJake Schaper's one and only photographis a man in a blue shirt, behind his sonat an ice hockey game He's holding up a fist and the kid is giving a 'V' signWhat does it mean?What does it matter? It's just another Livecast dead endCastbox Detective assignsJake SchaperFake Account

The audiophile is a salesmanIn a moment, he sees medown at the 'low end' of thingswith $200 headphones$4000 headphones'what's the difference?' he says,and whispers, 'Most people won't even hear it'His tone tickles my earHe acknowledges meas if he and Iare in the same tribeBrothers, connectedWe are bothappreciators of nuanceUnderstanding of the complicatedtrue natureof high end audioThe audiophile wants to take me on a journey.Or at least start me offon a journey of my own, when I'm readyHow far might I travel with his assistance?Maybe, all the way. He tells me I may not notice it at first.But over time, my ears will begin to hearHear the differencebetween vacuum tube and transistorcopper and goldScience and pseudo-scienceRemember, it's a journeyBut he can tell I'm not readyNot ready to committo take this journey with himnot all the way, not yet So he treads gently...We listen to a recording of solo spanish guitarThrough $22,000 dollar speakers The audiophile asks, 'can you feel him sitting here, in the room with us?'I reply yes... yesOn the verge of conversionIt occurs to meMaybe I've been missing somethingThis journey, is a one-way tripConnected to a part of the brainmuch deeper than the earThe audiophile's intensity increasesSensing my weakness, he pounces...but too soon, for I've already found my escapeThis technology, it's not about the soundIt's just something in the waythat it tickles your ears.And some people like having their ears tickled

Advice for SongwritersYou can't write a songIn a comfortable, air-conditioned roomWith plenty of time on your handsYou can't write a songIn a happy relationshipOr in a rainforest,with friends you loveBecause you can't write a songWhen you're happy, and everything is going your wayOr when you've just won an award... Even if it's an award for songwritingBy the way I just bought a vinyl record of Beethoven, played by the Berlin Philharmonicfor one dollarThat's what you're up againstYou can't write a songSucking on a mentholOr chewing gumOr if you just brushed your teethYou can't write a songAt your parents houseUnless they abused youAnd they're not thereAnd you still hate them for itYou can't write a songWhen you're getting paid good moneyOr when you've just bought a new car Or after listeningTo an inspiring Ted talkYou can't write a songAt a music festivalOr on a holidayOr in a swimming poolYou can't even write a songWhen you paid for your own whiskeyOr if it's your birthdayOr if there's a rainbow in the skyStrangely,  you can write a songWhen you've given up on writing songsOr when you're meant to be doing something elseOr when you walked home from the party because you were too stonedand you got bitten by a dogYou can write a songin the in-between spacesLike when you've run out of timebecause you need to be somewhere elseOr when you're just jealous as fuckBecause someone did it better than youWith that in mindTake no notice of these instructionsThey are a ruse Because the world doesn't need any more songsWe have enough alreadyThank you.

Somewhere out in space, there's a ladder If you climb all the way up, you can look down,not just on the earth, or even the solar system,but the whole galaxy It's very high up there But of course, directions like up or down don't mean the same thing, when you're in space Staring back at the spiral arms of the milky way, you notice the whole structure is vibrating And shimmering with a beautiful, silver glow It feels good to be outside of the earth for a change Because all the things you worried about there, are so far away In the distance, you notice an object coming towards you It looks a bit like a cloud You realise instinctively, this is your personal transport to the next level Stepping aboard the space cloud You can barely imagine what the next level will be like Luckily, it doesn't take long to reach your destination Of course, time works a little differently too When you're in space On arrival, your cloud ship dissipates And before you lies the wonder of the whole universe You expected it to look a lot more like a sponge, or a giant network of cobwebs However, this universe is nothing like you imagined There's a fireplace, a shaggy brown rug and a recliner chair facing away from you On a small coffee table next to the recliner is an old pipe, still smouldering You walk towards the chair to find that it's empty, which is the exact moment that you suddenly understand everything there is to understand, in the entire universe Then you disappear, and forget everything... again

There's a little man inside my head He's in charge of the engine He runs on just 10 watts! He's changing gears all the time Making sure I wake up… and sleep Mostly I don't even know he's there Sometimes I wonder what he gets up to, when I'm not paying attention This little man inside my head He keeps the whole system in balance And he runs on just 10 watts! When I forget things, sometimes, he reminds me If the engine gets stuck in a loop, he'll try and shut it down for a little while Occasionally, he heads towards the front and looks out the window Depending on what's out there, he might tell me to keep quiet, and don't say that thing which was balancing on the tip of my tongue The little man inside my head He gets tired sometimes Tired of telling me the same thing, over and over Sometimes I feel, like… I'm disappointing him But he tells me it doesn't matter Because it's too late It's too late