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Author: Jim Stormdancer

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Topic Lords, the only place on the Internet where you can hear topics discussed!
31 Episodes
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seedhutch.horse

seedhutch.horse

2020-05-2554:57

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/ Topics: * 2:42 Suddenly Anxiety and OCD are culturally adaptive behaviors. * 8:16 Opening negotiations with your real-life employer to get them to pay you in Nook Miles * 13:44 Animal Crossing speed runs * Animal Crossing 100% in 19h25m. https://www.speedrun.com/ac/run/y21ejk7z * Animal Crossing New Horizons All Debts in 1h52m. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdH-pj1ZUac * Super Mario Sunshine Lockout Bingo at AGDQ 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch3eSzem1v4 * Animal Crossing Lockout Bingo. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hhgu-fObME * 20:23 Gary asks: "Printing Toilet Paper at Home" * How to make paper out of blue jeans. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPdZPvMVMZk * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChankDiesel * 26:54 Owning 5.25" floppies & suddenly having to be aware of magnets again as a threat in your life * Masquerade. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masquerade%28book%29 * France's 25-year treasure hunt for a golden owl. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-45005072 * 32:20 Apocalypse gardening and warlord potential * 37:52 Amazon took Murder She Wrote away from us * 47:07 Winding up with more social obligations than you had before quarantine Microtopics: * Being confident in your recording setup because you're too lazy to verify it. * The old lady who lives in your ductwork who you can't hear because she only shrieks exactly when you're talking. * Finding out about the apocalypse from a podcast recorded months ago. * The subtle distinction between self care and overeating. * Feeling better about your anxiety disorder because the world has gotten worse to meet your mood. * A behavior that looks maladaptive but must secretly be awesome because it has survived for millennia. * A poltergeist that keeps turning your stove off. * Worshipping gods that turn out to be evil aliens. * Trying to make "Christian Splinter Faiths" scan to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme. * Going for the cosmetic upgrade before the inventory upgrade and causing your partner physical pain. * Clearcutting the entire island you're visiting because when you leave it will cease to exist. * Harvesting trees in a checkerboard pattern because they grow better that way. * A financial startup specializing in converting British pounds to Nook miles. * Putting pounds and dollars in the same bank account and they crossbreed while they're in there. * 100%-ing Animal Crossing as fast as possible. * Speed runs that are entertaining to describe but not to watch. * Bingo races as the improvisation-heavy antidote to rote speed runs. * Forcing Caleb Hart to livestream Mega Man X any time anyone listens to this episode. * Feeding toilet paper into your inkjet printer to create a cool pattern to wipe your ass with. * Using Silly Putty to copy the stock market info from the newspaper. * Not being able to print toilet paper with your 3D printer, but printing a bidet instead. * Running out of toilet paper and 3D printing corn husks. * Buying the Taco Bell Grande Meal to eat the beans out of the burrito and then wiping your ass with the corn tortilla and wax paper wrapper. * Skipping a step and putting the burrito right in the toilet. * Introducing an awesome person to your friend and then ruining them in the very next sentence. * The outside of the printer paper protecting you from the horrifying inside of the toilet paper. * Pulping spare blue jeans to manufacture your own artisanal toilet paper. * Figuring out how to put your front yard in your back yard to hide it from the HOA. * Reporting your neighbor to the HOA for weeds in the middle of a global pandemic. * Getting notices from the HOA that you need to power wash your driveway and power washing the words "fuck you" into it. * Confusing Day of the Dead and Cinco De Mayo because they both happen in the same year. * An object you need to keep safe from magnets. * Advice on dealing with floppy disks in the Year of our Lord 2020. * Something in France that hasn't been found yet. * A Wikipedia list of things that have not been found in France. * Burying a microtransaction-heavy game in the desert and hoping the person who finds it is a whale. * Throwing a microtransaction-heavy game into the ocean and it traveling back in time and Captain Ahab hears about it and becomes obsessed with finding the whale who owns it. * Trying to think of a really big expensive home and your brain coming back with "a bucket!" * The train stopping slightly and thinking "maybe society is breaking down" and then the train starting again and thinking "I guess I'll just go to my boring job." * Part of you wanting to live in interesting times and be part of historical events. * Bringing your axe made out of a sharpened hubcap to work because Phil's allowed to bring his Leatherman. * Not being able to train to be a warlord in the post-apocalypse because during the apocalypse all the MMA gyms are closed. * Realizing that Amazon Prime Video doesn't have Murder She Wrote any more and wanting to just burn it all down. * The magical time in your life when you thought Netflix's selection of streaming video would only keep getting bigger. * Conflating Murder She Wrote with the Golden Girls. * Deadpanning ridiculous things that happen in St. Olaf, Minnesota. * Angry texts from your mom about how you ruined Murder She Wrote by telling her about the theory that Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer. * A big city businesswoman looking to take over her parents' failing Christmas ornament shop. * CG compositing Christmas ornaments into the background of every shot of Golden Girls. * Everybody playing online games all the time now because their extrovert friends have figured out the Internet. * Extroverts agreeing to watch speed runs with you because they're desperate to talk to anybody. * Finding an eight hour smooth jazz video and eventually realizing it's two minutes of smooth jazz looping for eight hours. * Trying to solve playing music with friends over the Internet. * Solving the problem of jamming with friends over the Internet by only playing music with precogs. * Sticking it to the HOA by dressing up as a weed and when they come by to report you, jumping out and yelling "I'm no weed, I'm a guy!"
Century Of The Fruitbat

Century Of The Fruitbat

2020-05-1801:11:46

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Chris will find you. He is working on Core Editor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RyUjnpyJY4 * Chris is @MrChrisLHall on Twitter and is working on https://www.adventurelab.fun/ Topics: * 2:07 Wikipedia descriptions of fighting game stories * The Rad Project. http://web.archive.org/web/20070406100535/http://www.flammie.net/vse/things/rad/index.htm * 13:05 Is there a 21st century version of the thank-you note? * The Double Disappearance of Walter Fozbek. http://bookembob.blogspot.com/2011/07/double-disappearance-of-walter-fozbek.html * The Selective Attention Test. https://youtu.be/vJG698U2Mvo * 26:27 I'm pretty sure I could write a book about anything * Dolphin flip in slow motion. https://youtu.be/37C1KOSgTAk * 32:49 Kevin asks: "Tom Nook: Robber Baron or Captain of Industry?" * 38:37 Melodica purchased online * 48:43 Ursula Vernon is rad * Weird fruit gallery: https://www.deviantart.com/ursulav/gallery/7872409/weird-fruit * 57:01 Peering in on skateboard culture from the outside * So Deep + juggling pins. https://youtu.be/9pvzWY-lSRw Microtopics: * Risking sounding like a corporate shill. * Whether or not Wikipedia is pretty great. * Wikipedia's editorial tone when describing ridiculous stories. * Finding a video embed in the middle of a textbook page and trying to press it. * A book with squiggle underlines wherever the author screwed up. * Having to come up with narrative justification for 500 one-on-one fights in a row. * The guy you just kicked off a cliff offering you cakes because nobody should have to fight on an empty stomach. * Your pet frog jumping on a box in your back yard marked radioactive, growing to massive size, then jumping down a huge hole that is also in your back yard for some reason. * The Japanese version of the wacky frog tank story just being factions at war in the post apocalypse. * Mega Man except you are a gnarly wizard instead of a robot. * A floating Buddha named "Surprise" shooting you in the back. * If Astro Boy were a mailman. * Merging the wacky frog tank story and the post apocalyptic war story into a single canonical timeline in the new Switch release. * Writing on paper made of trees with a pen and it's 2020. * Writing a thank you note when a relative hands you a twenty dollar bill. * Writing a jam game for every special occasion because it's more fun than writing a card. * The correct plural of Magnum Opus. * Returning to Lazy Land. * The videos you like best inevitably being taken down due to copyright strikes because that's the world we live in now. * YouTube telling you that some videos have been removed from your playlist but not telling you which. * A digital representation of what it's like to grow old. * Making a USB drive ark and taking two of every genre of music. * Your Google ad profile gaining sentience and making credit card purchases behind your back but also getting a job and making your credit card payments on time. * Going to work and nobody remembering who you are. * Going into the office wearing a gorilla costume and eventually sending in a gorilla to do your job and it turns out the gorilla is better at your job than you are. * Using a gorilla Snapchat filter on a gorilla to make it look like a human who's trying to look like a gorilla. * Waking up in parallel dino world where everyone is a dinosaur and your dinosaur twin waking up in human world where everyone is a human, because you both had a mad scientist neighbor. * Making a note of how to disguise yourself as a dinosaur because you never know when you'll end up in dinosaur world. * Doing a face swap with your cat during the conference call so everyone is too horrified to notice the gorilla in the background. * A pedalboard except it's Instagram filters. * Chaining Instagram filters to create a truly epic fursona. * Reverse college, where you get paid to forget things. * Getting paid a dollar per paragraph about skateboard tricks. * A varial kickflip except instead of splitting the axes of rotation between your feet, doing all the rotation with your front foot. * Writing a book with your 18 month old and it's just the words poop, ball, bath and meow over and over and over. * Your toddler growing up to discover axes and cops, like leaves changing colors in autumn. * A raccoon who is very friendly and has taken a lot of your money. * Whether Tom Nook is a slum lord. * A dog with five fingers, an apron, and a whole lot of bells. * Being in debt forever because your landlord keeps building you a bigger and bigger house. * A 100% speedrun of Adobe Photoshop. * Adding achievements, particle effects, and screenshake to Visual Studio. * Two melodica players coincidentally bringing their instruments to the same party and locking eyes from across the room. * Cheap, portable musical instruments you can have with you at all times and practice with at the drop of a hat. * A tube with six holes in it. * Penny whistles always being in D because it's one more than C. * Wikipedia diving deep into the lore of each musical scale. * The cute face of the otamatone being almost assuredly more entertaining than the notes you play with it. * Penny whistles with a conical bore staying in tune better than cylindrical ones. * The monomyth of the boy who sneaks up on a seal while she's bathing and steals her skin and she turns out to be a beautiful human woman and now she has to marry him. * The origin of the pear-with-teeth meme. * The Biting Pear of Salamanca. * Whether anyone named Ursula is still alive today. * An interesting reaction to discovering that your daughter is made of birch bark. * A dead whale falling to the ocean floor and feeding scavengers for years. * Spending your whole life waiting for a whale to die. * Zombie worms growing like flowers in the lightless garden of a sunken whale corpse. * A tiny kobold fondling an eggplant. * Giving your wife a picture of a fruit with teeth for her birthday. * Your skateboard being stolen twice in the same day. * Angsty skateboarders lashing out at the world around them via sick kickflips. * Fighting everyone around you being morally equivalent to fighting no-one. * A nine year old girl in a tutu doing a double heelflip. * The cost of skateboarding being measured in hospital visits, especially when you are 40 and overweight. * Wearing an inflatable dinosaur suit and skateboarding in a bounce house for maximum safety. * Wanting to get into skateboarding but you're scared of dying and none of your friends have trucks. * Hacky sack looking fun but actually it's a lie built on a throne of falsehoods and pain. * Narrowing an artefact's origin down to the Century of the Fruitbat. * Musicians dancing while they play just to show off that they are good enough at music and dancing that they can do both at the same time. * Being entirely out of both topics and lords.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is on an internet break but you can email her at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Gary is @GaryBuh on Twitter and does podcasts at the Duckfeed network. http://duckfeed.tv/ Topics: * 1:41 How did people decide to eat certain vegetables, even though they don't look like food and sometimes taste like shit? * 4:18 Stephen King writing about boners (there is a Tumblr) * https://stephenkingsboners.tumblr.com/ * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald%27sGame#Plot * 12:28 Airplane respiration strategies * https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/05/explore-transparent-plants/ * 16:45 Being resourceful when you don't have the correct tool. For example, I recently unblocked a toilet by using a mouse pad in place of a plunger. * 23:28 Replacing combat in video games with other stuff to slow down the pacing * 33:27 What age were you meaningfully aware of your mortality? Did something happen? * 38:06 The MT-80s MIDI boom box * https://twitter.com/cabel/status/979097369936502785 * https://vgmusic.com/ * 48:21 Things that you do so people will think you're an adult but you can't figure out if there's another purpose for doing them * 55:10 You can only listen to one song for the rest of eternity, you don't get to pick. How much money would it take, what song is the worst. * Gunhouse trailer with the title screen jingle I was talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB0yAm6iXEw * Here's a better trailer for a later version of Gunhouse, with better music FWIW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzokB1821Mw * Tony Hawk's Two Second Music Loop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uofB1Y1gOk Microtopics: * Goin' Polodna. * Goin' Polodna but bein' named Butterfield. * Only car thieves remaining. * Giving your guest a hard time for plugging something when you just asked them to plug something. * Being inspired by an eggplant you once had. * Stockholm syndrome but for vegetables. * A color that doesn't exist on earth. * Trying to cook every substance for every amount of time because you don't have Netflix. * Laundering a horse through a book. * The pe-noose. * Trying to Google which Stephen King book had the necklace of penises. * Deeming a penis to be a boner. * Looking upon a pubic hair topiary and despairing. * Sculpting the day your paramour will die into your pubic hair on the first date. * Fred Meyer's daughter, J.C. Penney. * Not having any particular insight into this boner blog. * Being a little bit hornt up despite being trapped in a Fred Meyer by the murder frog outside. * Whether or not "pud" is short for "pudding" or indeed anything. * A zoetrope showing Goofy pulling down his pants every 7 seconds. * A plexiglass box that is big enough for your head and a fern. * Hacking the oxygen mask to come down when you just need a hit. * Sprinkling some foliage on your head to make it look like the fern next to your head is just a lump on your face. * Sticking your head in the fern box under the seat in front of you and painting your face on your pants so your butt can wear the oxygen mask. * The tactile sensation of unclogging a toilet using a mouse pad. * The best water level for plunging a toilet. * Needing an articulated arm like Krang's to plunge the toilet from around the corner. * Trying to guess the Game Boy games being used to prop up a projector. * The Podcaster's Dilemma. * Maligning the Final Fantasy Legend series. * Deciding that your punishment will be a good night's sleep and a stern toothbrushing. * Playing Final Fantasy Legend while you brush each other's teeth live on AGDQ. * Asking a question that you'd already answered in a previous episode and just copy-pasting the answer from there. * Not being in good enough shape to sleep everywhere. * Ripping through the topics and needing to dip into the extended bucket. * A gigantic bucket of shelf-stable potato soup that you save for the end times. * Setting up a P.O. box so your listeners can send you a big pile of food and toy cars so you can not eat for a week and then eat an enormous megameal. * A Visual Studio plugin that lets you play text adventures anyone while looking like you're at work. * Pressing the boss key to hide that you're playing an ancient video game and your boss asking you why you're writing emails in Word Perfect 2.0. * Having a child to reduce your mortality anxiety. * Having a child so they can do the heimlich when you choke on a ham sandwich. * Subtweeting your cat. * Not being meaningfully aware of your mortality but still making decisions based on not dying. * Overcorrecting and turning into a maudlin fucker. * A boom box with a floppy drive playing canyon.mid. * A product with no conceivable audience except the nerds who will think it's cool and nostalgic thirty years from now. * Opening a cabinet and your coffee mug singing the Zelda "you found the thing" jingle. * The intentionality of listening to music in the most inconvenient way possible. * Listening to music and lighting random pieces of paper on fire. * A very zinelike activity. * Independent movie theaters all vanishing in an eyeblink. * Filling the delivery tube with potato soup and sending it to the bank teller. * Chuck E. Cheese classing it up with woodfired, chef-inspired pizza. * Getting carryout from the Chuck E. Cheese and your chef-inspired pizza coming with a side of orange spider rings. * Sleeping on a mattress on the floor for years until your new girlfriend insists you get a real bed. * Putting a tennis ball on top of the screws you're supposed to attach the footboard to so you know where to park your keister. * Your migrating bedframe, a keter-class problem in the bedroom. * The one time it makes sense to have a strong opinion about someone else's bed. * Wiping down the incision site because if you get an infection after you die it's just never going to heal. * Only being allowed to listen to one song for the rest of your life. * The one song you're allowed to listen to also replacing music you hear in your head or anything you sing. * Trying to sing Happy Birthday to a co-worker but it always comes out as the chorus of "Selling the Drama" by Live. * All music in the world being replaced by the Intel Inside jingle. * The Zelda item noise secretly being the same as the Addams Family theme song. * Going to a concert and suddenly the band can only play the song you are cursed with. * The CIA discovering your musical curse and studying you on the dissection table like in Project ALF. * $10 million per For Fighting.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * April is a beast lord and Jim's wife. @AprilSaur * Ryan is somehow also Jim's wife? @RyanIkeComposer Topics: * 3:56 The "spigot question" Jim keeps avoiding. * https://norse-mythology.org/gods-and-creatures/others/hugin-and-munin/ * A second person may be "cured" of HIV. https://www.vox.com/2019/3/5/18249607/hiv-cure-2019 * 13:05 New Decade reading resolution. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TheWitcher * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SeananMcGuire * http://www.scp-wiki.net/antimemetics-division-hub * I personally recommend starting with "Introductory Antimemetics," which is a good intro to the concepts, then everything starting at "Case Colourless Green," which is the main storyline. * https://shadesofmagic.fandom.com/wiki/ADarkerShadeofMagic * 22:54 What does the Nakatomi corporation do? * http://www.scp-wiki.net/ * https://movies.stackexchange.com/questions/33713/was-nakatomi-corp-involved-in-illegal-activity * 31:07 Favorite zoo animal. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embryonic_diapause * 40:07 What sandwiches are better suited to a straight or diagonal cut? * 44:28 I stayed in a hotel in Florence in 2009 where our room had a private bidet but the whole floor shared a toilet. Microtopics: * Making a good dad joke on twitter. * The ravens that have been building a nest behind your corpyard at work. * The squabbling raven couple next door. * Being the neighbor who didn't call animal control. * Trying to remember the names of Odin's ravens. * Distributing podcast episodes in a post-internet wasteland. * The kid in middle school who guessed you were from New York because of how you say "basketball." * Why Jim is such a coward. * Reaching deep into the topic bucket and pulling out a black ichorous monster. * A garden hose spigot installed in your butt such that poop sprays forward instead of down. * Bodily fluids canceling each other out when you miss the toilet and so you just end up with a wet wall. * Liking ketchup so much you CRISPR a biological ketchup dispenser into your elbow. * Accidentally triggering your ketchup hands when you're icing a cake. * Putting a cap on your ketchup elbow so you don't drip ketchup everywhere. * Whether your new dispenser is a squishy flesh hose or a brass steampunk spigot. * Reframing your fleshy protuberance that shoots someone else's blood to sound scary and eldritch. * A spigot that shoots liquid money. * Making up for your horrifying blood pranks by giving blood. * Whipping blood into stiff peaks. * Carnivorous merengue. * Using science to make human blood safe to eat. * Letting the listeners hear the good podcast juice. * Falling down on your New Year's resolution starting in March. * Watching the Witcher show and then reading the Witcher short stories it was based on and knowing exactly what's going to happen. * Alchemy and math and words. * Whether or not reading on a screen still counts. * Reading your driver's license every night before you go to bed. * Getting hungry immediately after the body spigot discussion. * Being over your meal by the time you're done cooking it. * Assembling duck a l'orange ingredient by ingredient in your tummy and by the time you finish cooking it you're like "I've already eaten this." * Something standing right in front of you that you can't perceive. * Deciding not to read scary stories to your wife right before bed. * Getting ready for prose form, motherfuckers. * Trying to remember someone's name and only remembering that they have initials. * Medieval fantasy Londons and their relationships to magic. * Reading ahead in the tabletop adventure book. * A vault with 8 different kinds of locks on it, filled with non-negotiable bearer bonds. * A regular bearer bond except you can't negotiate for it. * A non-negotiable bond except you can hold it. * The database documenting the contents of the warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. * Manufacturing tiny toy guns and not being able to fight back against terrorists because your guns are too small. * Explaining why your tiny gun manufacturer has a money basement. * Tiny toy guns using only the tiniest gunpowder. * Writing the first season of your mystery show with the certainty that it'll be canceled after one season. * Having to figure out what polar bears are after your show gets renewed. * When a duck decides to start whispering its quacks. * The most convenient jaguar. * Biting each other in the face and having a good Bear Time. * Bats' closest relatives being humans because all their other relatives died. * Delaying gestation until everyone's pregnant at once. * Bats all giving birth at the same time and overwhelming the health care system. * A zoo except for the sea. * Watching a jellyfish enclosure and asking "what are they doing in there?" * Plastic bags floating around in the sea except they're alive and they'll still be alive after you're dead. * The universe being a big stupid donut. * Nobody giving a shit that you read Great Expectations. * Garfield being the great literature of the coming era. * Allegorical lasagna. * Caramelizing all your onions at once. * Cutting your sandwich into a pair of rhombuses. * Sitting on a stack of the most prestigious award in the country. * Figuring out what axis you can cut a hamburger on diagonally. * When the burrito guy folds your burrito wrong and the first bite is entirely sour cream. * Burrito Gaia, filled with loam, mantle and magma. * Naming your next kid after your least-favorite burrito. * The food dictator making you a cup of Crispix when all you wanted was grilled cheese. * The puzzle with the farmer trying to get a hen, fox and grain across the river except it's your butt, your poop, and a jet of water. * Taking it to squirts-town. * Building a hotel before they invented the combination toilet/bidet. * The french word for when you take a dump in somebody's bidet. * Hygiene strategies if a bird poops on your butthole. * The nose being an evolutionary strategy to protect our mouths from bird poop. * Dunking your whole ass in the ass-height sink. * Just making zoo noises until you've reached the required minimum podcast length.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jesse is @thefringthing on Twitter. * Avery has a Facebook somewhere and if you find it you can ask him whether he's playing any live shows. Topics: * 2:03 Math problems that are easy to explain but unsolved or unsolvable. * https://www2.stetson.edu/~efriedma/squinsqu/ * 13:28 The list of Mr. Potato Head's accomplishments on his Wikipedia page makes him sound like a real person who was perhaps an ambassador. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr.PotatoHead * https://www.ashrita.com/about/ * 23:36 Hypothesis: a steadily tedious job becomes bearable when you procrastinate and then do it in short, frenetic bursts * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fishladder * Salmon cannon. https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/animals/a28678200/fish-tube-video/ * 35:25 Kaz asks: your conversation about language changing to people's misunderstandings reminded me of how "pitted" olives have no pits in them, and how "inflammable" is confusing, so "flammable" was coined. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto-antonym * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunkedterm * 44:33 Theory: humans are unconsciously driving the evolution of some kinds of small birds toward cuter features and behaviors. * Samurai-lookin' crab. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heikegani * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BattleofDan-no-ura * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepperedmothevolution * 48:10 The "Please Call Stella" accent database * http://accent.gmu.edu/browselanguage.php?function=detail&speakerid=145 * WMAC Masters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqJSKeBKCM0 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XFL(2020) and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XFL_(2001) * Slam Ball TOP PLAYS. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PPuV7jK33k Microtopics: * Writing a song and realizing that you just wrote Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies by mistake. * Not the coolest thing to accidentally be ripping off. * Rapidly shutting down the entire idea of introducing yourself. * Continuing to talk about about how mysterious Jesse is. * The question of whether a problem that has been proven unsolvable is as solved as it can be. * Asking two people to simultaneously explain Goldbach's Conjecture. * Four followed by more zeroes that would be in a trillion. * Determine whether the RDA of Iron is a multiple of two primes while choosing a can of soup. * Hitting the last prime number and running out. * Paul Erdos' advice for dealing with aliens who request Diagonal Ramsey Numbers. * Avery's favorite math proof. * Explaining to your bosses that your current task is technically uncomputable. * Not being able to elaborate on packing arc segments because biotech analysts might have you killed. * Yelling excitedly about graph isomorphism at the gym and tripping the Lunk Alarm. * Disappointment that Mr. Potato Head doesn't have an honorary doctorate. * Mr. Potato Head's presidential physical fitness award. * Potato cannibalism. * Most Votes For Mr. Potato Head In A Political Campaign. * Everyone who has finished Super Mario Bros. 2 in front of a Twin Galaxies representative. * A strange man lurking behind you while you play Mario, writing down your score. * The guy 120 Guinness World Records, or 119 if you don't count the "Most Guinness Records Held At Once" record. * Potato sack racing a yak across the Mongolian desert. * Most Yaks Raced Through The Mongolian Desert. (1) * The near worldwide tie of Most Guinness Records Not Held At Once. * Walking using shovels as stilts. * Most balloons inflated to inches in one hour. (671) * Slicing potatoes while hopping on a shovel. * Inheriting two shovels from your uncle's estate and trying to figure out what world records you can set using them. * Longest distance continuously somersaulting. (12 miles) * Whether cartwheeling for 12 miles is more strenuous than somersaulting for 12 miles. * Jumping on a pogo stick until your O2 tank is depleted. * Sleeping holding a brick. * Most Injuries Not Incurred Trying To Break World Records. * Trying to remember Fish Ladders but being derailed by the Fish Cannon. * Taking a break from counting fish. * Not performing any medicine for 10 hours and then in the next hour frantically performing 10x as much medicine as you normally would. * Buying a short-range electric car to teach yourself to plan better. * Being really confused by the turtle appearing on your dashboard and then the car turning off. * A dashboard light that's like the no smoking sign except instead of a cigarette it's a picture of your car. * Sneaking onto a billionaire's estate to furtively charge your Nissan Leaf. * Looking at security cam footage and seeing that you gave electricity to Doctor Who in a time of need. * The incredible variety of charge ports on a Nissan Leaf. * Having trophies ready to distribute as soon as you're allowed to leave the house. * Ordering yourself a "best attitude" trophy. * The gradient of a trophy's meaninglessness. * Ordering a bunch of trophies from Crown Awards and subsequently every ad you see being for Crown Awards. * Delving too deep into what a trophy is until it loses all meaning. * Realizing you could've ordered trophies better and throwing your existing trophies in the trash. * Passions being both flammable and inflammable. * Words that have changed meanings because of persistent misunderstandings. * Having a story about corn husks. * Holding a corn husk in the grocery store and saying "Ah! Corn husks!" * Explaining to schoolchildren that they used corn husks to wipe before toilet paper was invented but the children don't know what husks are so they assume you mean corn cobs. * Not eating the crabs that look like your forefathers. * Paying more attention to cats who cry at the same frequency as human babies. * Not eating the moths that look more like the soot-covered trees they're hiding on. * Sphinx Of Black Quartz, Judge My Vow except for the IPA. * Comparing accents visually. * Inventing new accents to compensate for accents merging into each other. * Having a particularly grating way of speaking and blaming it on being from San Francisco. * Your dead relative not listening to this podcast. * Whether or not Dragon's Lair is a pun. * Yelling like a soda jerk when the order is ready and nobody coming to pick it up because they can't understand what you're saying. * The British TV show that Sanford & Son was based on. * Memorizing your favorite carnival barker pitch and reciting it unprompted at family gatherings. * Field recordings of carnival barkers from the 1950s. * Pro Wrestling somehow retaining its weird 19th-century carny-speak for over a century. * Channeling the dark energy from your urn while you fight Hulk Hogan. * WMAC Masters, the martial arts tournament series with health bars on the screen. * If Undertaker and Hulk Hogan were trucks. * Hockey except you play it with a basketball and there are trampolines on the floor. * Taking basketball and making it extreme. * Sitting around until one of you thinks of a way to end the show.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords * John Mystery lives in Maryland. https://googlethatforyou.com?q=john%20mystery%20maryland * Nelson is making An Airport For Aliens Currently Run By Dogs. * @WritNelson on Twitter. * https://www.patreon.com/StrangeScaffold * https://store.steampowered.com/app/1246250/AnAirportforAliensCurrentlyRunby_Dogs/ * https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/epic-pictures-launch-gaming-venture-1289270 Topics: * 6:15 My worst fear as an adolescent: gravity reverses while I am in the family car on the 110 and I am flung into the sky at 9.8m/s^2 * VVVVVV https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf06P-1lkU * 15:31 Kaiju who should know each other, but don't. * I'm pretty sure the male description of the RBLD dating persona is actually suggesting you stop dating entirely. * The Wild Rose: https://web.archive.org/web/20141031024714/http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=RBLD&g=0&o=1 * The Manchild: https://web.archive.org/web/20141024161727/http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=RBLD&g=1&o=1 * 21:52 This Arkanoid TAS: * http://tasvideos.org/6347S.html * The "Super Mario World vs. the Many-Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Physics" video has been taken down but here's the original blog post: https://msm.runhello.com/p/20 * And here's a similar video that gets the idea across. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIb2F7OLQJw * 30:39 Yuri asks: "I was wondering what you and your fellow lords do to warm up prior to getting started on some creative thing. Does it change comparing coding to making music, drawing, crocheting, etc.?" * Gunhouse, on sale on Switch for $1 until April 26th! https://www.nintendo.com/games/detail/gunhouse-switch/ * (Also available on a bunch of other platforms.) * 47:21 Would a Cool Sentient Dog in a graveyard dig up the bodies? Would that make him the anti-caretaker? * Oiled Up Sax Guy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1dY6OkPb7E * Interview with Oiled Up Sax Guy, who it turns out really did arrange and perform that cover. https://dangerousminds.net/comments/theinfamoussexysaxmanfromthelostboysstillstillbelievesachat_wi * https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2015/12/tumblr-users-are-talking-about-bone-stealing.html * 56:38 Experiencing FOMO about activities that you do not want to do Microtopics: * John of the Maryland Johns. * Ruining the show before it's really even started. * High fiving a friend from six feet away using your selfie stick with a hand at the end of it. * Washing the hand at the end of your selfie stick after high-fiving someone with it. * Motion detectors not detecting black people so corporate hires white people to follow black people around and activate the motion detectors. * A black person walking in front of the Kinect and the Kinect being like "I think I just saw a ghost!" * Loving your punchline and so letting it go. * Being flung away from the earth at 9.8 meters per second per second. * The unfathomable horror of your senator voting in favor of the "subtly tweak the laws of physics" bill. * Finding the highrise apartment building that is most likely to remain attached to the Earth if gravity reverses. * Being deeply bothered by children who know the metric system and understand calculus. * Having known you were going to die but now being able to put a number to exactly how fast. * Always paying attention to whether you feel slightly lighter now, because that means gravity is starting to reverse. * Gravity's power suddenly doubling and the only survivors being people hanging out in trampoline parks and bounce houses at the time. * Our only hope being heroes in mech suits but unfortunately everyone who owns a mech suit is a billionaire. * Fish living through gravity doubling because they can swim up to a lower water pressure. * The moon crashing into the Earth. * Kaiju who are lonely because they don't know any other kaiju. * Whether Swamp Thing and Godzilla would be friends. * A giant dog who is perpetually alone because there is no Mothra equivalent in his universe. * Bigfoot technically being a kaiju because his feet are so big. * Whether Bigger Luke is big enough to be considered a kaiju. * The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen except for kaiju. * Whether Jack the Ripper looms large enough in our minds that he should be banned from our Kaiju-only dating app. * The OkCupid dating personality result that was fine for women but if you're a dude they were like "please stop dating" * A tiny green cat as dense as a neutron star. * Having to explain what a TAS, speed runs, Arkanoid, Breakout, and video games are before you can get to the part that's cool about this Arkanoid TAS. * Running your Arkanoid simulation on six cores for over a year to find optimal Arkanoid strategies. * Mario dancing with the fish for 15 seconds and then the credits play. * Martial arts masters going into the mountains and practicing one move for 30 years. * The Many Worlds interpretation of Super Mario World. * A speedrunner finding a COVID-19 vaccine faster than anybody else but the FDA blocks them from releasing it. * Philosophers not allowing themselves to have any fun because they're trying to counter the image of philosophers lazing around and not doing any real work. * Sitting down to create while being fully aware that you might not create anything worthwhile today. * Throwing nothing away and making everything. * A cool game that is available on a variety of platforms. * Being a year into making a game and it isn't fun yet and you have to trust in the iteration process that you'll find the fun before you ship, but actually maybe you won't, but you still have to ship anyway so it's not a total loss. * Making a bad game fun by association, by placing it in a fun context. * Hiring a narrative designer a couple months away from shipping your deeply text-centered game, because there is currently no text or story in the game and everything is on fire. * Adding a bunch of things to your game that will definitely bite you in the ass later because you cannot be stopped. * Running a D&D game that you haven't prepped enough and your players getting to the part of the scenario where your notes are blank. * Fragile people in a fragile people world attempting to make juice and having empathy for each other. * Sitting at the text editor to create and creativity not happening fast enough so you go browse Reddit. * Being stuck on a hard problem and going to play video games while your subconscious works on the problem. * Watching Zodiac while you're working on your cross-stitch and you look down and you've spelled out the name of the real killer. * Trying to pick a speed run to watch in the background while you work that will keep you from being bored but not be interesting enough that you watch it instead of working. * Having made your topic list and having to sleep in them. * Gifts to ourselves. * Cyber-Washington with carbon fiber dentures and a minigun that fires the teeth of his slaves. * A cool sentient dog wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses digging up bodies and putting them in cool poses. * Cool Dog digging for bones in the easiest place possible, the human body. * The movie with the oiled muscle-man singing and playing a saxophone. * Buff Weird Al Yankovic. * Promising to name this episode "Stacksophone" but lying. * Cool Dog turning out to be a very uncool dog if you think about it. * Lost Boys, exhibit A in the debate of whether being a jerk is cool. * Cool sentient dogs in the 90s digging up bodies in graveyards, but cool sentient dogs in 2020 awooing on Mastodon. * Preferring to use human bones in your occult rituals because you relate better to the energy they carry. * Selling your leftover human bones after you're done doing all your curses. * Whether or not the guy selling human bones on Etsy is cool, and whether they'd be cooler if they were a dog. * Loving Bribe Dog even though by all rights he ought to be in jail. * A small dog gumming at a stranger's ankles and not breaking the skin but they get upset anyway for some reason. * The life-long FOMO of wondering what you're missing out on from activities you never do because you hate doing them. * Correctly guessing that the other guest is subtweeting Animal Crossing. * A game that is fun until it becomes your job. * Not needing to buy a new video game because Breath of the Wild still exists. * Not wanting to do an activity so much as be a part of the community that does the activity. * That month where everyone in the world was playing Pokemon Go. * Recommending a video game to two people who have already played it. * Leveling up as a person the first time you've ever made a non-optimal decision in a game to retain your quality of life. * Your Animal Crossing villagers expressing shock as you chop down your entire orchard in front of them. * Opening an iPad feeling special, like someone confessing that they love you and not loving them back. * Getting FOMO about everyone you're not in love with. * The future where instead of social media, everybody drops an ARG about themselves that you have to solve in order to talk to them. * A thing that sounds exciting that you don't want to do. * An alternate reality where nothing happens and no-one cares.
Which One Is Eggteen?

Which One Is Eggteen?

2020-04-1354:17

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Rusty is Rusty#1990 on Discord. * Rusty's Discord bot: https://deepfake-bot.readthedocs.io/en/latest/ * Chris is @MrChrisLHall on Twitter. Topics: * 2:39 Games that are work. * 12:40 Twitter bots posting photos of people and cats that do not exist * https://twitter.com/DoesNotExistBot * https://twitter.com/normalcatpics * 17:15 The best way to future proof your job against AI takeover is to get a job that machines are already better at but humans still do it anyway. * 24:34 Quill asks: "Have you ever seen the different verbal naming systems for hexadecimal? They're all amazing. My favorite numbers are eggteen and chris." * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hexadecimal#Verbalanddigitalrepresentations * 28:07 Where do you find folk games? Like Sticks or Contact or Fish Bowl. There must be some really amazing ones out there that I've never heard of. * 36:55 My recording rig for podcasting * http://sonic-pi.net/ * Live coding an ambient electro set w/ Sonic Pi. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1m0aX9Lpts * The Failure of the iPad. http://ignorethecode.net/blog/2020/01/29/thefailureofthe_ipad/ * 45:02 When you're old and only remember jokes, the only way to learn new things is to make jokes about them. * https://mnemosyne-proj.org/ Microtopics: * Non-consensually turning a Discord user into a Discord bot. * A recurring topic on this particular episode. * Lightly-flavored seltzer water. * Entering the Konami code at a soda fountain to get the secret flavor. * Getting tasks in your inbox and doing the tasks and getting more tasks as a reward. * Not having to take part in the office drama. * A complete lack of scrum master. * The fantasy of doing a job and getting fairly compensated. * The plausibility of having fun at your job. * Letting others pay the cost of the harm you're doing to the world. * Loving to play games where you clean up messes while your real life home gets worse and worse. * Playing a game about a housecleaning robot and deciding doing housework could make you happy in real life too. * Not falling for it when mom tries to turn cleaning your room into a game. * Teenagers going out of their way to be helpful in the household. * Toddlers wanting to do what adults do. * Finding out 18 years later your theory is correct. * The lego: nature's caltrop. * Writing an angry letter to the Lego corporation asking why they don't make squishy legos. * Wearing only half a pair of glasses. * Choosing Markov Chains because they work better than Tensorflow. * Having enough ram to store 1.5 billion floating point values. * Whether the Dalai Lama has ever used ICQ, and if so why hasn't Jim talked to him. * Some people running really fast, but not as fast as cars, but we still pay them to do it. * The emergency board meeting that the CEO of running called when the speed of cars eclipsed the speed of runners. * Becoming an artisanal trucker on Etsy when computers take your trucking job. * Decking out your artisanal delivery truck in old-timey neon reminiscent of the 80s when people still had jobs. * The part of your brain dedicated to determining the gender of the driver who is trying to kill you. * Being a very chill person except when you're driving alone. * An angry meditation on driving in heavy traffic. * The only time your infant son has ever heard you be angry. * Bringing your date to see Black Swan without realizing it's secretly a horror movie. * Just waiting for the great black scary bird to show up. * Pronouncing 1E as "Eggteen." * Knowing your pointer is a bad pointer when it's pointing to DEADBEEF. * Magic numbers such as 0xDECAFC0FFEE15BAD. * Michael Jackson moonwalking on the moon. * That feeling when you find that the altar is co-aligned in Minetown in Nethack. * Playing tag but not knowing who invented it. * Having water at home but trying not to brag about it. * A really inefficient way of getting at musicking. * Choosing a software package because you just download and run it without doing a bunch of sysadmin bullshit. * Being frustrated that there are still some things you can do on a computer but not on a phone. * Having an example that you wanted to use but not being able to remember what it was. * Remembering what a word means because you once imagined a monkey saying it. * Deliberately cracking yourself up so you can remember Bob's last name. * Thinking of the time I thought your name was "Blob." * Only remembering to buy the funniest items on your grocery list. * Memorizing your grocery list and then being stuck with the same grocery list for the rest of your life. * The persistent allure of a shelf of physical media even in the era of digital downloads. * Being intrigued by Bee Simulator but not being $48 intrigued. * Bee dances that are sufficiently expressive to articulate game reviews. * Git cloning the mind of someone with a good memory so you can remember things better. * Only being able to remember monkeys brachiating, but remembering the hell out of it.
So Horrible And Yet So Tiny

So Horrible And Yet So Tiny

2020-04-0601:01:45

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is on an internet break but you can email her at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Tyriq is @fourbitfriday on Twitter and elsewhere, and is making Catacomb Kids. https://www.ckgame.net/ Topics: * 2:13 Hot Topic * "Peaches, meet your fate!" https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/blna2q/hottopicemployeesofredditwhatareyour/emqprnc/ * 8:28 Toe picks * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=456TYtCggc * Mike Vallely yells at Tony Hawk about pressure flips. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQCe6guSOOM * A more detailed take on what happened with inlining and the X-Games. https://www.reddit.com/r/rollerblading/comments/1jpost/whyhasntrollerbladingcomebacktothexgames/cbhemrd/ * 22:15 Topical medication * 30:42 Groke asks: "My friend (who is completely unaware of this podcast and did this apropos of nothing) emailed the Mars chocolate company to find out why the Topic candy bar has that name. 'Dear Mr Smith, Thanks for getting in touch about our MARS product. The Topic bar has been a firm favourite since it's introduction in 1962, unfortunately over time the origin of how the Topic chocolate bar came to be called Topic has been lost and now it has become a mystery that we are still trying to discover. If you need any more information, please let us know.'" * 34:45 Test of Proficiency in Korean * Nifflas's braille labeling purchase snafu. https://twitter.com/Nifflas/status/1230232736734031878 * Constructed scripts. https://www.omniglot.com/conscripts/english.htm * Nicaraguan sign language. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NicaraguanSign_Language * 49:36 Topic Records Microtopics: * Listening to a lot of dolphin podcasts. * Discussing only topics on the Topic Special. * Belching instead of answering the question. * Your project going well lately and being slightly less afraid that it's going to be awful. * A store that isn't in your local mall so you have to drive half an hour to the cool mall. * Being afraid cool teenagers will stare you down and you'll evaporate on the spot. * A store selling pop culture stuff you've actually heard of. * Not having a Hot Topic story but telling one you read on the Internet. * An anime version of Ben Stiller's character from Reality Bites. * The Hot Topic in Ben Stiller's thought bubble that you can only shop at if Ben Stiller thinks of you. * All food vanishing from the world because Ben Stiller has thought of it all and it's trapped in his mind. * All the wiki pages that popped up for the movie Primer. * Having sorted the spreadsheet and being unable to un-sort the spreadsheet. * Thinking toe picks are a gross hygiene thing but actually they're for doing a triple lutz. * Amputee guitarists who are pretty proficient at foot guitaring. * Skates with four wheels in a rectangle being way less cool than skates with four wheels in a row because that's what girls do. * Ice skates being harder to turn in than inline skates, because they cut a groove in the surface. * Turning on the toe pick. * Sucking at tourism because nothing interests you. * Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. * Which indie game developers were previously pro inline skaters. * Mike Vallely storming off angrily at the concept of doing pressure flips. * A kickflip except you don't make the ollie motion with your front foot, you just kick the tail down and scoop it forward with your rear foot. * Tony Hawk being cool and teaching you vert tricks and Mike Vallely refusing to talk to anyone who isn't a skateboarder. * Skateboarders getting petty and insecure and getting inline skating removed from the X-Games. * Completing the entire gap checklist in Tony Hawk 2 and putting it on your resume. * Dropping the franchise completely after Tony Hawk 2 because the Playstation 1 version of Tony Hawk 3 doesn't have female custom skaters. * The mission in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 where you follow a homeless person around Venice Beach and harass him until he leaves town. * Ollie the Magic Bum getting good at skateboarding so he can exact revenge. * A full-contact, Tony-Hawk-And-Bully-Had-A-Baby roller derby game. * Punxsutawney Phil looking down and seeing poop and so there'll be six more weeks of poop. * Having to shove pills down a cat's throat twice a day for the rest of her life. * Giving away your spare geckos and explaining to the recipient that they eat sunlight. * A gecko eating another gecko like a corncob because they're not social animals after all. * Three creatures each nesting-dolled in the mouth of another creature. * The vet seemingly not knowing about lizards shedding when they put the cast on the lizard. * The gecko still being alive so you're doing okay at pet ownership. * Hiring a nurse that is also a gecko to take care of your gecko injections. * A mystery that we are still trying to discover. * Even the manufacturer not knowing why the candy bar is called Topic. * Inventing the jaw that can take the smallest possible bite. * Marzipan but with almonds. * Not liking how they pronounce "urinal" in the UK. Not liking it at all. * Things taking a dark turn and someone turning up dead. * Not going out of your way to inform people that your product's name is shockingly racist. * Preferring the language proficiency test that is more similar to Skee-Ball. * Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater again. * Wanting to feel sick about everything and doing all the missions at "sick" difficulty. * Doing a few missions at "sick" difficulty and deciding that's enough sick for you. * The Korean alphabet having been invented by a dude who thought ideograms were a bad idea. * Borrowing ideograms from Chinese and then later going back for more. * Nifflas inventing his own alphabet so doesn't have to hide his notes when he DMs. * The process of training yourself to read your weirdo moon-man alphabet. * Wanting to get into Lojban. * Liking a phrase as much as Tolkien likes "cellar door." * Inventing the language that magic is spoken in. * Inventing a language for your game and demanding your players become fluent in it. * The Nicaraguan school for deaf children doing a terrible job at teaching deaf children, but the children inventing Nicaraguan Sign Language. * Collecting your paycheck for doing nothing. * A corpus of industrial folk songs. * Yelling "peaches meet your fate!" and making the chainsaws kiss. * Mother-32 needing an offering of your hair every morning. * The composition process you enjoy most not leading to the kind of music you enjoy most. * Not wanting to make prototypes in the final medium because working in the final medium is a pain to work in. * GML being the wax and 6502 assembly being the marble in this analogy. * Live streaming video to the Apple II. * Having time for hobbies because you quit Twitter.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Danny enjoys bananas. * https://twitter.com/itsdannymusic * https://www.youtube.com/dannymusic * https://www.twitch.tv/dannymusic * Lauren streams on Twitch and plays in The Returners. * https://twitter.com/laurentheflute * https://www.twitch.tv/laurentheflute * http://the-returners.com/ Topics * 1:12 If every Tetris piece has a personality, which piece would you most prefer to be stuck with on a deserted island? * The History of Tetris Randomizers. https://simon.lc/the-history-of-tetris-randomizers * 12:45 The sense of smell is most closely tied to memory. Are there any really strong associations you have? * Ulillillia's relationship with music: http://www.ulillillia.us/aboutme/music.shtml * TXT World: A Journey Of The Nose. https://twitter.com/mogwaipoet/status/1196511832220917760 * "We carry the WORLDS LARGEST Selection of Scratch N' Sniff scents!" http://www.promobrands.com/scratchandsniffscents.htm * 22:15 Convincing my son that sleep is a good thing when I don't believe it myself * 28:46 Groke asks: "Transitioning from making art for its own sake to making it to keep a roof over your head (or vice-versa)" * Basil's Adventure. http://twinbeard.com/basil/ * 40:55 Why IS a raven like a writing desk? * https://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1173/why-is-a-raven-like-a-writing-desk/ * 46:36 In the last week, what is the best thing that you have seen, done, and/or eaten? * New Study Reveals Just How Sick Families With Kids Get. https://gizmodo.com/new-study-reveals-just-how-sick-families-with-kids-get-1722654292 * How butter chicken roti became a Toronto classic. https://www.thestar.com/life/foodwine/2019/08/13/how-butter-chicken-roti-became-a-toronto-classic.html Microtopics: * Doing video game music. * Breaking a problem into subproblems. * An unusual form of synesthesia where you perceive Tetris pieces as personalities. * Making rude buzzer noises when the guest gets it wrong. * The Tetris I-piece being egotistical and always late when you need it most. * Siblings who are not identical but are mistaken for identical. * The stem cell of Tetris pieces. * The Tetris T-piece being useful for opening coconuts because it's shaped like a bottle opener. * Playing Tetris without realizing that you can rotate the pieces. * The Tetris T-piece standing for Trauma. * Not realizing you push B to run in Super Mario Bros. because it doesn't do anything when you're not moving. * The smell of candles reminding you of the holidays. * Finding the cologne that speaks to your soul and wearing it literally every day. * A cartoon character design except it's how you smell. * Bringing around an MP3 player to play your theme song on loop as you walk around campus. * Testing how long you can listen to the Bubble Bobble theme. * Eating only carrots for a week because you want to really feel the fine distinctions between each individual carrot. * The particular mix of sweat and grass that makes you think of playing soccer. * Not being able to think of the word for when the water in a river is extremely busy. * The idealized smells of Frog Fractions 2 where everything smells like candy because of all the bright colors. * Going to sleep being the worst thing but your son going to sleep being the best thing. * Reading your child books about sleeping to convince them that sleeping is a good thing. * Refusing to teach your child about how certain activities are for boys and some are for girls, but then they learn about it in school anyway. * Having vivid dreams and taking ideas from them to use in fiction. * Hating to go to sleep and hating to wake up so maybe what you actually hate is just the transition one way or the other. * Wanting to go to sleep but going into a depressive spiral instead. * Reminiscing about making art as a hobby. * Doing the same amount of work but not burning out because you change the kind of work you're doing. * Creativity through limitations. * Getting to the point where you can afford to say no to freelance projects. * Having an audience and feeling obligated to serve the audience literally all the time. * Making dinner as an act of creative fulfillment. * Baking intuitively by just putting ingredients in a pan until it feels right. * Giving your guest baker a challenge ingredient to incorporate into their cake. * Picking activities that force you to not be perfect. * Forcing everybody to read a sentence from your novel before they get a cookie. * Whether "smartass" is really a swear. * Finding 11 socks in your desk at the end of the school year. * Both a raven and a writing desk having legs, but different numbers of legs. * Whether desks lay eggs to reproduce. * Finding the image that is exactly halfway between a raven and a writing desk. * Never having been sick as often as when you worked in a bounce house birthday party place. * Schoolteachers no longer getting sick because they've gotten literally every disease. * Putting the curry inside of the flatbread like they do in Toronto. * The relief of seeing a stray cat you haven't seen in a while. * A cat named Purrcy. * Arranging music for a friend and your band mates being excited to record it. * Artists appreciating art you made for them more than non-artists would. * Giving grandma your new noisecore album for Christmas. * Grandma sticking your new noisecore album to the fridge with a magnet. * Someone asking to read your fiction and then actually reading it. * A gift secretly being a demand for the recipient's time. * A gift made not just for somebody but made with their needs in mind. * Laura, Lauren, Laurie, and Laurel all being the same name if you think about it. * Profundity on demand.
Abstinent Train Polycule

Abstinent Train Polycule

2020-03-2301:15:29

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Ryan (@ryanikecomposer) made a great grilled cheese sandwich in an air fryer two weeks ago. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_fryer * Alexander is a math professor at DigiPen and trades his chicken flock's eggs to a neighbor for home-roasted coffee beans. * https://www.quora.com/profile/Alexander-Young-2 Topics: * 8:41 Creativity from a seed vs from a box * 18:41 Every fucking comedy trailer in the 90s used Hall of the Mountain king and it sucked and I hated it and why don't we do that any more * https://www.20k.org/episodes/thebooj * 29:04 Some guy you just met asks to install an HDMI port on your foot. You decide to go for it. When you plug in a TV, what's playing on your foot? * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TonyHawk%27sSkate_Jam * https://twitter.com/tonyhawk/status/5184156673 * 40:12 David asks: "Yak shaving in your profession or hobby" * https://i.imgur.com/t0XHtgJ.gif * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeboxing * 49:01 I think about the "abstinence train" from a high school health class video once a week. How can I turn this from distraction into motivation? * 1:02:00 Multi-lingual animals Microtopics: * Making a transcendent grilled cheese in the air fryer. * Dipping food in terrifyingly hot golden juice that might burn your face off. * Walking into your friend's house and seeing an edifice. * Esoteric kitchen appliances that we find invaluable. * A Kevin Bacon co-working situation. * An espresso machine where you have to screw the lid down properly or it explodes. * The adrenaline rush of surviving the cooking process making the food taste way better. * Trading your chicken's fresh eggs for your neighbor's home-roasted coffee beans. * Trading jam games for fresh jam. * Getting super excited by discovering that something is impossible. * Proving the theorem that something can never be equal to something else. * Using a constraint to make something new. * AI-driven space helmets that generate plausible sounds for the space vista you're looking at. * A naval battle In Space!!; * Taking the script of an existing movie and adding a bunch of jokes to it. * Everybody knowing that Shakespeare was a hack but being afraid to say it. * Marching on the National Mall shrieking about public domain music usage in movie trailers. * Getting nostalgic about trends you always hated. * Aphantasia but for envisioning loudspeakers. * Being the kind of kid that keeps a database of classical music used in film trailers. * Owen Wilson's goblin-like face, sitting in his hall. * Looney Tunes characters creeping around while pizzicato strings punctuate their footsteps. * All classical music being recontextualized as Looney Tunes music. * John Williams changing one note of your opus and now it's the soundtrack to Star Wars. * Learning to play a mid-90s cartoon theme on harpsichord and realizing it's basically Hall of the Mountain King with every third note removed. * The booj. * Listening to a fake movie trailer and growing excited for a movie that doesn't exist. * A young child singing a Judas Priest song as if it's a nursery rhyme. * Putting the booj in trailers for Casablanca and giving 1940s audiences a heart attack. * Playing the booj outside ancient Rome and Romans inventing the film camera because they want to see the movie so badly. * Somehow removing even more agency from a "would you rather" question. * The HDMI port in your foot playing pretzel advertisements. * Asking your friend if they see the creepy guy staring at the camera in the background of this People's Court episode, but your friend can't get past that the TV episode is playing via an HDMI port on your foot. * Being assured that whatever comes out of your foot won't kill you. * The HDMI port in your foot not hurting unless you try to run. * The HDMI port on your foot playing memories of you running with the Columbia City Running Club. * Forgetting to run your brain screen saver and getting brain burn-in and the last thing someone said to you faintly ringing in your head forever. * An AR Tony Hawk skating game where you skate on power lines by holding your phone camera up to them. * Tony Hawk being a Pokemon. * The cat bus from My Neighbor Totoro. * Toddlers discovering the front yard. * A toddler whaling on a cat but she refuses to run away and just gets annoyed. * Getting all your cat poking and yanking out of the way as a toddler. * Yak shaving being a metaphor, hopefully. * Getting anxiety from hearing yak shaving explained. * Growing up with an antagonistic relationship with sleeping and by extension your own body. * Thinking of sleep as step 0 for anything you want to get done tomorrow. * Wanting a free uninterrupted hour and getting it by sleeping an hour less tonight. * The hemispheres of your brain having two different chronotypes. * Trying way too hard to relate to the teens. * Teens in the 90s being way into locomotives. * Three humans dressed up as train cars heading for Abstinence Street and the caboose trying to unhook himself because he wants to feel something right now. * The two front cars of the train polycule trying to convince the caboose that Abstinence Street is really cool actually. * The Abstinence Train PSA being the direct inspiration for The Human Centipede. * Ryan being the caboose in this metaphor. * The awards organization that gives you a trophy for eating your very last peanut butter and jelly sandwich. * An abstinent train polycule in the railyard of ideas, validating each other's impulses. * An abstinent train polycule changing the law to allow polygamy. * Becoming a Zen Master but when your followers think you're meditating, you're actually repeating the Abstinence Train PSA in your head. * Finally finding the Abstinence Train on YouTube and vaporizing into the atmosphere, your purpose fulfilled. * A homebrew recreation of the famous Abstinence Train video. * The results you get when you type "Abstinence Train" into YouTube. * Wanting to get a job at Google to fix YouTube's search engine so you can search for "Abstinence Train" but having to shave a yak first. * Mean Girls but all the time and they never grow out of it. * Chickens having a particular call they make when a hawk appears that means everyone should hide. * A crow that knows when chickens are warning other chickens about the incipient hawk. * Being very frustrated that the host put the topics in the wrong order. * The host leaving the show early but the guests continuing to talk for another fifteen minutes. * Assuring the listener that you're not bragging when you explain just how many podcasts you've been on. * Being called out by a podcast you were listening to but not otherwise involved in. * Being a doctor of mathematics but weighing in on whether dinosaurs were domesticable because it's Quora after all. * Chickens being way more shareable than your latest math problem. * Remembering the face of the human that threatened your nest. * Making decoy nests to fool the government agency trying to get rid of you. * A crow really just being a black pigeon. * The sound of a juvenile crow hassling their mom for food. * Throwing an olive at a murder of crows to meet the one crow who is willing to approach it like it's a live grenade. * Seattle residents exchanging crow attack stories. * Jim not being here to ask you if you want to plug anything.
Strip Laser Tag

Strip Laser Tag

2020-03-1601:07:53

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Josh makes Thunk. https://www.youtube.com/user/THUNKShow * Elena is on the Topic Lords discord. Topics: * 2:29 Procrastination, or, avoidance as a protective coping mechanism * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buridan%27sass * 13:08 Newcomb's Problem * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newcomb%27sparadox * 19:46 Celebrating Christmas by saying you have a machine gun * https://twitter.com/mogwaipoet/status/1210729053465931781 * 26:16 Kevin asks: "The fear that other podcasts will steal your idea to discuss topics." * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twilightsleep * http://bash.org/ * 32:09 McMaster-Carr * https://www.mcmaster.com/ * http://thistothat.com/ * "Satisfying Spiral Liquid Bubbler Timer" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFLNpSqzn7o * 41:34 Conlanging with toddlers * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constructed_language * 50:26 Preserving old software * THUG Pro. http://www.thugpro.com/ * "Ozimals did give rabbit owners a brief chance to save their rabbits. Before shutting down, they gave away items which make rabbits not need food – and leaves them sterile. Some rabbits will live on forever, the last of their kind." https://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2017/05/19/second-life-ozimals-pet-rabbits-dying/ * The Lifecycle of Software Objects. https://cpb-us-w2.wpmucdn.com/voices.uchicago.edu/dist/8/644/files/2017/08/Chiang-Lifecycle-of-Software-Objects-q3tsuw.pdf * Rolled Out, the Super Monkey Ball clone. https://blog.rolledoutgame.com/ Microtopics: * Being old and knowing nothing. * Finding out that you can buy citric acid and put it in your drinking water. * Finding out that you can buy concrete and put it in your toilet. * The refreshing concrete toilet. * Regretting agreeing to do a thing you really enjoy. * Defeating procrastinating by discovering what you're afraid of and reframing it or interceding. * Worrying that you're incapable of surviving in a capitalist system. * Tracing every fear back to a fear of dying alone, like how every page on Wikipedia leads to Philosophy. * Wanting to do a thing but having no effective mechanism to prefer any given thing over any other and doing nothing. * Hearing syllables and then "ass" and pretending you understand. * Learning a word that you didn't know and then explaining it to other people. * Breaking your task into small steps and doing the first step. * Listening to your emotion and being like "what's your deal" * Self-acceptance helping when beating yourself up doesn't. * Instead of writing, taking copious notes and then skipping right to editing the notes into a completed text. * Laying out an outline and then finishing the essay by removing the bullet points. * Having an idea in each hand and holding two more in your left foot and trying to squinch them together into a linear series of thoughts. * Everything being related to everything else. * Giving people the tools they need to engage with topics. * A future-knowing genie who knows you're going to have pizza tonight. * Someone having done this topic already on a different podcast. * Being the genie you want to see in the world. * Causality seeming to flow in reverse. * Reassuring the genie that you're not the kind of person who takes two boxes. * The genie turning out to just be a guy with a rubber duck. * An odd Christmas greeting that you are here for. * Living next to people who think it's festive to announce how armed they are. * Knocking on your neighbor's door and asking for a cup of machine gun. * A corpse wearing a santa hat. * Trying to think of any movie that doesn't depict a corpse that could've worn a santa hat. * Some of your best friends having machine guns. * Being charmed by the utilitarian and efficient design of firearms. * Crying in a VR game and the tears filling up the mask until you drown. * Strip laser tag. * A topic peasant just waltzing in and talking about topics. * Editing out the guy hiding with a gun in post. * Having an unconscionable amount of bash.org memorized. * Waking up from your drugged haze to a flaming burnt cake in the oven and your house is burning down. * Being sad because the folks at Chipotle forgot your burrito but then your wife reminds you that you've eaten it already and you just forgot. * Everything that you could possibly need to build a thing. * Spinning around in an enormous magical hardware store with arms outstretched and an inventory robot fluttering around your skirt and landing on your finger. * Metal boxy objects of mysterious provenance. * The reaction speed of your transition lenses. * Welding masks transitioning to near-opaque in less than a millisecond because at any moment you might use a plasma beam that is brighter than the surface of the sun. * Installing permanent earplugs powered by your greasy earwax. * Not needing McMaster-Carr after Josh just tells you the answer. * An oil timer forcing a door to open or close slowly. * Having an idea for a cool Youtube video and assuming there's probably a cool Youtube guy who's already done it. * A toddler teaching you how to teach dragon language and the dragons being annoyed you didn't ask them. * Asking one of the indigineous people what the name of the hated rival tribe is named and them saying a slur and then being like "okay you're all that now." * Circumlocuting around the concept of the color green. * Summing up your engineering degree as "f=ma" and "you can't push a rope" and saving your listeners five years. * A fairly ingenious use of math that we've had sitting around forever. * Sliding rules getting us to the moon because we hadn't invented calculators yet. * The content being the same but the context changing. * The NES being the game dev platform that is most likely to survive the next thousand years. * Trolling through aerospace source code looking for funny comments. * Deleting your source code to free up space because nobody is ever going to need to port or revise Final Fantasy 7. * Planning a heist to retrieve the floppy disks stashed above the acoustic ceiling tiles of a dry cleaning service. * Games being reasonably well-preserved but other kinds of software being mostly lost because teenaged nerds don't care about it. * AI pets dying because the company that manufactured them went out of business. * Your GMO dog dying because the manufacturer's SSL certificate expired.
The Bowerbird's Apprentice

The Bowerbird's Apprentice

2020-03-0901:05:00

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Mark's meme is https://imgur.com/a/YFTXteU plus the caption "When you get on the bus and it's rush hour and the only free space is being taken up by someone's bag." * Shirley's meme is https://imgur.com/a/9oyR7fa Topics: * 1:10 Living abroad/Third Culture Kid experience * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thirdculturekid * Understanding prejudice: the Implicit Association Test. https://secure.understandingprejudice.org/iat/ * 11:19 Camgirl life * 27:14 Why don't most animals need to learn to walk? * Bowerbird. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowerbird * 35:43 Quill asks: "What bones have you broken and how?" * 48:51 Hypnagogic hallucination/anxiety * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnagogia Microtopics: * Jim's favorite episodes of this show. * Not being plugged in and having no idea what's going on. * The podcast ruining somebody's lack of internet presence. * Not being sure whether you defined Third Culture Kid correctly. * The four types of Third Culture Kids. * Being within five minutes of a Coca Cola at any given moment no matter where you go in the world. * Meeting a child of a Coca Cola executive at every international school. * Bathroom metaphors for your childhood identity. * Thoroughly describing the procedure of a scientific test. * The only guy you know who didn't show any bias on the Implicit Bias Test showing plenty of bias after living in the United States for 15 years. * Showing kids pictures of faces of different races and asking them which one is the liar. * Children turning out racist despite never having been explicitly instructed to be racist. * Taking a Third Culture Kid refresher course to refresh your lack of racial bias. * Confusing being a minority with being oppressed. * Nobody having enough experience with your race to know whether or not to be prejudiced against you. * People who sound like they have no accent because they live near Hollywood, California. * Turning on a camera and expecting the money to pour down around you. * Nobody giving you money because you're a boring naked person. * Sometimes logging on and making $0 and sometimes logging on and making thousands of dollars. * The liberation of leaving your retail job. * The ability to say no when you don't want to do something. * Realizing your ability to consent is way more present at your sex work job than at your retail job. * Not being able to ban the worst customers from the store you work at. * Feeling like you can get to the life you want if you stick through the hard times. * Quitting one job that sucks and ending up at another job that sucks. * Working 16 hours straight at your catering job and only being able to eat when you reach in and scoop a handful of spaghetti and meatballs out of the tray you're about to serve. * Heading back to the kitchen before your tray of hors d'oeuvres is empty in hopes that you can eat the last few yourself. * Taking the deviled egg tax every time you make deviled eggs. * Realizing that being a scientist is way cooler than working retail. * When the one guy you know who's always had it figured out suddenly changes it up. * The cool high school robotics teacher with a top knot. * God-tier hipsters. * All babies being born early because their head gets too big. * The word for when someone is deliberately slow at work. * Being jealous of your son's ability to learn skills extremely quickly. * Being jealous of your son's enormous head circumference. * Kangaroos basically giving birth to a fetus and the fetus climbing up into the mother's pouch when your kid is sixteen months old and still can't climb worth a damn. * Deciding this bower sucks, chirping out and trying to find a better bower bird with a better bower. * Bowerbirds innately knowing that they want to build big, blue bowers, but sucking at it until they apprentice under experienced bowerbirds. * Innately preferring big bowers and you can not lie. * Bowerbirds being super impressed by blue headphones with bluetooth support. * Joking about introducing paint to bowerbirds and finding out they already mix their own pigments to paint the interior of their bowers blue and realizing who is the true blue master here. * Tripping into a plexiglass window and realizing the guy from Hudsucker Proxy saved your life. * Having a rich friend who owns a golf cart and tearing the golf cart around while South African golfers shake their fists at you. * The golf cart not having a third seat so you just stand in the indentations where the golf bags usually go. * Diving off of a golf cart that is about to tip over. * Sustaining grave head injuries but the gate attendant still not letting you take the golf cart out of the parking lot. * Peeling the hair off your friend's face to reveal why the gate attendant should let you out of the parking lot. * After your concussion, not remembering who the president is or what year it is, but still remembering that you're going to get drinks at O'Hagen's tonight. * Getting a security briefing at the U.S. consulate about how to deal with a carjacking and he says to just give the guy a car. * Embedding a second PSA within your PSA. * Breaking a toe by kicking the softest thing you can think of. * Bringing up the Big Mike for maybe the third episode in a row. * Needing to come back on the show to tell the people the banana truth if it turns out that the Big Mike really does taste like the fake banana flavoring. * Giving a name to the dude you keep hallucinating standing in the corner of the room as you sleep. * Rearranging your bedroom to minimize shadows because the creepy dude only materializes in darkness. * Your wife waking you up to tell you someone's standing in the corner of the room and saying "ok good luck with that babe" and going back to sleep. * Not wanting to tell anyone you hallucinate while you sleep because of mental illness stigma. * Sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations totally explaining why people used to believe in ghosts. * Having the fun doesn't-ruin-your-life kind of hypnagogic hallucinations. * Existential dread only getting worse as your life goes on. * Not being able to finish watching an episode of Gargoyles because a shot from very high up gave you mortal terror. * Not being on the Internet except to look for memes. * Enrolling in every Cognitive Neuroscience program in the country because you're trying to befriend this week's guests to get their memes.
A Pickled Egg Christmas

A Pickled Egg Christmas

2020-03-0201:01:11

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jeff is an event planner at https://www.acesup.com/ and blogged at https://80isenough.wordpress.com/ back when he was unemployed. * Joe is. Topics: * 0:52 Not having time to be a geek. * 10:21 Pickled egg ordering paranoia. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickledegg * 20:04 This topic is mostly an excuse to ask Joe how he raised such good kids. * The Blank Slate, by Steven Pinker. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TheBlankSlate * 33:05 Quill asks: "What sort of art did you make when you were younger?" * Double reed instruments. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doublereed * 45:44 Augmented reality killer app: the etymology explorer * The Online Etymology Dictionary. https://www.etymonline.com/ * 49:46 80% is enough. Microtopics: * Having nothing to plug. * Consuming all the media available because you're in high school and it's the 80s. * Not being sure if the media you're consuming, or about to consume, is worth your time. * Forgetting everything else as a prerequisite for getting anything done. * Humans figuring out what to do with their drive to make art once computers are better at making art. * Collectively choosing to limit the art you consume to create an artificial culture in your collective. * A fake band invented by the internet come alive. * Computers taking over art curation, too. * Making a statement in a specific context that can't be as easily transplanted into another context and that making you a luddite weirdo. * Cultivating a healthy creative space being super weird now, but will make more sense in the future when the creative. * Liking pickled eggs but not being able to find them in any local store. * The hypothetical fraughtness of purchasing pickled eggs online. * Buying a bunch of gross stuff and being disappointed. * Hating the pickled eggs you bulk-purchased and feeding them all to your dogs. * Pickled sausages -- a southern specialty. * Selling your pickled products at a discount because they're past their sell-by date. * Pickled Thai eggplant about the size of marbles. * Not being diligent enough to look up how to include Pickled Banana Blossoms in a prepared dish and just eating them like popcorn and being disappointed. * The entire egg pickling community thinking your egg pickling method is heretical. * Asking everybody in your family for pickled eggs for Christmas and throwing a pickled egg party to get rid of all your danged pickled eggs. * Consuming twenty pounds of pickled eggs on a Topic Lords live show. * Being really impressed by somebody's child-rearing technique. * The "blank slate" theory -- that children are born with no personality -- being total bullshit. * A sample size of three technically counting as a pattern. * Having a dialog with your children rather than just telling them what to do. * Growing up hating authority and how that informs parenting strategy. * Doing the bare minimum and getting great results because everyone else just sucks. * Parents who are basically still children themselves. * Not having any parenting books to read because you are the first person who has ever been a parent. * Doing everything being indistinguishable from doing nothing. * Not having any good way to choose between all the available child-rearing options. * Not knowing why you read a particular parenting book twenty years ago and also not being sure if it shaped your parenting strategy. * Making bad decisions because we're all human and we all make bad decisions. * Being well-equipped to adapt to a changing world. * Not making a lot of art because your penmanship is terrible and it would just be a blob of nothing. * Your parents forcing you to take guitar lessons because it would help you get into a good school and it actually getting you into a good school. * Kids rarely being good at anything. * The amazing child drummer who amazingly turns into a commensurately even more amazing adult drummer. * Noodling around with a keyboard as an adult being informed by a decade of rigorous piano lessons as a child. * Loving Mechwarrior and spending all of grade school drawing spaceships and giant robots. * Growing up a Scream Tracker kid. * Loading up a song you like into a tracker and digging deep into its technical details. * Explaining that this song is only four channels and 200 kilobytes and your mom remaining unimpressed. * An incredible technical feat that is entirely meaningless to anybody not embedded in its context. * Coming from a position of empathy and charity by default. * Two wooden reeds tied together like a duckbill creating a much smoother sound than a wooden reed resting against a hard surface. * Your band teacher not knowing enough about the bassoon to critique your bassoon playing and your next band teacher switching you to piano. * Trying to remember all the words you want to look up the etymology of next time you're at a computer. * Conjectural etymology that seems sensible but isn't actually backed up by evidence. * Reading ahead because you are bored in class, but that just meaning you'll be even more bored later. * Getting to 80th percentile of a skill or subject and then moving on to another skill or subject. * Accidentally hiring someone pretty good at both social work and IT work but it being ridiculous to try to hire someone like that on purpose. * The multivarious sub-skills required to run a UPS store. * Not recommending anybody follow your career path because your resume looks like you have some kind of personality disorder. * Nobody wanting to hire a generalist. * Just shipping at 90% done because most likely that's good enough. * Making the news one day but in a year a kid breaking your record. * Everybody being sad because they're not the best in the world and the best in the world being sad because they're not even better. * Getting really good at a skill and then computers taking your job anyway. * Enjoying learning for the intrinsic value of learning.
Yelling Sweater

Yelling Sweater

2020-02-2401:00:20

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * James is working on Galapagos. https://triplefox.itch.io/galapagos * https://twitter.com/Triplefox * http://ludamix.com/ * Jay is on Twitter. https://twitter.com/jaytholen Topics: * 1:38 References dating things and/or making them inaccessible. Examples: older Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes and that Winter Wonderland song where they say a snowman looks like Parson Brown. Who the heck is that?? * What color is Parson Brown? https://www.datalounge.com/thread/18081042-what-color-is-parson-brown- * "What are your favorite culturally untranslatable phrases?" https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/efee7/whatareyourfavoriteculturallyuntranslateable/ * 9:33 How four-year-olds perceive Lego(tm) * The Game Engine Black Book: Doom. http://fabiensanglard.net/gebbdoom/ * Romero's Sigil Doom episode, featuring Buckethead. https://www.romerogames.ie/si6il * 19:25 Watching behind-the-music documentaries and realizing all the meatheads I was judging from their appearance in music videos in the 90s are as huge music theory nerds as any of my friends. * T-Pain without autotune: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyzlUUqxXYs * 25:06 Groke asks: "Cheap musical instruments are cool, aren't they? Penny whistles, harmonicas, ocarinas... any personal experiences with these?" * The Thomas the Tank Engine theme played on Otamatone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugWeU5jgIM * The Tastee Bros. play the Olympic Fanfare https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hs5ioAcoY8 * The Tastee Bros. 300 tips for playing a trumpet really high: http://www.gibble.org/high.htm * "A dodecaphonic scream trumpet homage to Christmas the Tastee Bros and Mr Santa. X" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Udvy8XYzH4U * 32:35 Timberwolf/husky breeds and their incredible jaws. * 38:49 Losing the ability to know when things are conventionally aesthetically pleasing. * One Terabyte of Kilobyte Age. https://blog.geocities.institute/ * 53:04 This CPAP machine is really putting a damper on my dreams of growing a Santa beard one day. * "Your Source for CPAP Mask Sealant Specially for Bearded Men" https://cpapbeardandmustacheseal.com/ * "The 'Machine Bow' is a reality!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hs5ioAcoY8 Microtopics: * Your co-host not saying his last name so you're not sure whether he knows how to pronounce it. * Sometimes working in the same room and sometimes getting coffee together. * Living in Germany and not being able to not bring it up. * Trying to enjoy topical comedy from decades ago. * Trying to enjoy topical comedy from centuries ago and having to rely on footnotes. * Jokes that are so dated nobody even perceives them as a joke. * Liking a joke better before you get it. * Translating a text that is full of French puns into English puns. * A police officer yelling "sweater" at a lady driving down the road. * Trying to find an authoritative answer but only finding answers.yahoo.com. * Parsons being so ubiquitous that everyone must know a "Parson Brown." * Your four year old niece asking you what a Lego is and it probably being a part of a wing from a Toy Story kit or something. * A four year old wanting answers and older people having all the answers. * A giraffe staying forever in a park because you surrounded the park with a fence and it's a happy giraffe. * Playing with Legos with your uncle but not really wanting to build anything and just wanting your uncle to tell you a story about something that already exists. * Trying to evoke a feeling by doing the thing that did it thirty years ago. * Being inspired to try exciting new creative tools but as soon as you get in there it just immediately feels like work. * Games that you need to read a textbook to be able to enjoy. * Seeing something happen once and assuming it's going to happen that way every time. * A baby throwing a cup on the ground over and over again to make sure it falls downwards every time. * Most people having a much higher drive to be cool than you do. * A nu-metal punk sitting at a piano and talking about jazz chords. * Being surprised when people who look fashionable are also skilled. * Having being in your early teens when Grunge hit and that affecting your fashion sense for your entire life. * A photo of your nu-metal phase somehow not ending up in Hypnospace Outlaw. * Finding dorky button up shirts some Silicon Valley folks would've worn in the late 90s and making that be just your fashion sense. * Method acting but for video games. * Billy Idol insisting that interviewers need to have read Neuromancer but not having read it himself. * Not having time to read so insisting that interviewers read a book for you and tell you about it while they interview you. * The note getting louder when you squeeze the face. * Thinking an effect is a digital filter but it turns out to just be the mouth opening and closing. * When you put your thumb over the Game Boy speaker and slowly peel it off. * Just sticking the head of a plunger into your trumpet. * Getting a reed instrument for Christmas and not being able to make it make anything that sounds like a note before your mouth gets tired of vibrating. * Learning to hit those high notes because it's cool, not because it's particularly musically useful. * Being obsessed with claves because of Brian Eno's "St. Elmo's Fire," but not being sure how to pronounce "claves." * Finding a melodica in your wife's parents' basement. * Most dogs just looking at your hand but this one bringing its entire jaw over your arm sideways. * Noisebridge being an anarchist collective where anything can happen. * Laughing when your kid does stuff you really ought to be discouraging. * Accidentally teaching a small child to call people fat. * Your kid calling a Wal*Mart customer "fat" and trying to pretend he meant "hat" because she's wearing a hat and the kid emphatically clarifying that no, he meant she's super fat. * Writing in your first-grade journal that you don't like when your parents take you to "the dark place." * Writing in your first-grade journal that "on 911 a fire happens" with an illustration of a burning building but you just meant the TV show "911" about emergency responders. * The borrowed tribal iconography mixed with tech themes that Internet companies to show a new era of togetherness and communication. * Finding beauty in a Geocities web page with random animated images everywhere and a tiled background. * Immersing yourself in an aesthetic until you like it. * Art getting way better when the image links start breaking. * Your sense of aesthetics being your only guide for knowing how to make something. * Slowly learning to trust your sense of aesthetics when people like your work. * Not trusting your own sense of aesthetics and turning to philosophy to come up with interesting aesthetic rules to follow instead. * Trying a new pixel art aesthetic that's even more rectangular than before. * The threshold between mere aesthetic weirdness and people immediately dismissing a work as ugly. * Deliberately choosing your system palette in the way that 8-bit microcomputers and early consoles did not. * Considering yourself done after the first draft of an idea if the idea is difficult and complicated to implement, but iterating if it's simple. * Having an aesthetic plan for growing old. * Doing a cursory Google search before giving up on your dreams. * Not trusting cheapcpapsupplies.com because they probably just want to sell you their CPAP supplies -- but at least it's cheap. * Instagram figuring out that you have sleep apnea. * The potions master brewing up a snoring solution as a punishment. * Dressing up like disguised Santa and if a kid finds out you're santa, pulling open your trench coat to reveal the S emblazoned on your chest. * Having a distinctive laugh for when you're firing your longbow extremely rapidly.
A Buzzsaw Made Of Bananas

A Buzzsaw Made Of Bananas

2020-02-1701:11:34

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * April is Jim's wife again and still a Beast Lord. * https://twitter.com/aprilsaur * https://www1.flightrising.com/lair/463464 * John is a Mystery. Topics: * 2:25 Create a D&D character right now * Drizzt the Drow. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DrizztDo%27Urden * Moai eyes. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moai#Eyes * 12:51 Being friends with people who are more than ten years older/younger than you: not weird until suddenly it is? * Teaching English in Japan. https://www.internationalteflacademy.com/teach-english-in-japan * Nova. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nova(eikaiwa) * 24:31 Being in another country and seeing a person from your own country: is a head nod appropriate or not? * 30:05 You can get Big Mike bananas from a specialty dealer in Miami * https://miamifruit.org/ * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rambutan * 43:04 Relational memory/mind palaces/file structures from long-retired computers * 46:37 What's your preferred method for migrating your stuff from your old computer to your new computer? * 56:43 Willow asks: "Methods for assembling great salads" Microtopics: * Refusing to be a Topic Lord because you're just on Topic Lords to promote your alternative podcast Beast Lords. * Not having anyone to plug this time either but maybe you have a Soundcloud somewhere. * Choosing all of your topics while driving to the zoo. * Containing multitudes and being super excited. * A band of adventurers being led by an operatic soprano. * A party of all bards. * Appropriating spam musubi because it's delicious. * Not technically being part of a band of adventurers but you play a tambourine and own the van. * Stealing the spam musubi from your bass player's bag of holding because they're going to go bad eventually. * Keeping both gold coins and spam musubi in the same bag of holding and having to dig around for the money when you buy anything. * Finally having a dog on this podcast. * Putting your dead dog in every D&D party you're in for the rest of your life. * Putting your dead dog in every platformer you make for the rest of your life. * All your D&D adventures going wrong because you're just musicians and can't actually deal with monsters. * Putting monsters onto the bus to the next town over. * Putting a fishtank bubbler on your bag of holding so all the monsters in there can breathe. * Fixing it then ruining it. * Coming to your chosen profession late in your life. * Age gaps getting less weird as time goes on. * Thinking about watching new TV to be able to relate to young people and deciding nobody has that kind of time. * Old people being full of stories from their lives. * Not talking to your friend as much as you used to because she lives in Ohio now. * Spending your retirement taking care of dogs. * Responding to difficult situations with grace and tact. * Stopping going to work because they stopped paying you. * The English teacher bubble in Japan. * Seeing the only other white person for a mile in any direction and wondering if you should nod at them. * Seeing the only other white person for a mile in any direction and thinking "frickin Americans!" * Not wanting to talk to strangers except in your favorite coffee shop. * Telling your wife something a week ago and then finding out it's a myth and having to correct her on a podcast. * Bananas being especially susceptible to disease. * Replacing the Cavendish banana with an even shittier banana after it succumbs. * Hiding your bananas because if your son sees them he won't be able to think about anything else. * Giving your son bananas because he already poops enough. * Foot-long avocados. * A giant box of intimidating tropical fruit being the best Christmas gift. * Drinking soursop juice tasting flights at a Mexican restaurant. * Bananas that look like a buzzsaw made of bananas. * Your infant son seeing a rambutan and realizing that maybe some things don't go in your mouth. * Haunted fruit. * Remembering trauma that happened when you were way too young to remember stuff. * Visiting your dad in prison and he's wearing fake shoes. * Riding in the back of a pickup truck and sharing Now & Laters with your older sister. * The US government deciding that televising court trials is a terrible idea after televising the OJ Simpson trial. * Knowing when a thing happened because you remember where it happened. * Trying to construct a mind palace like Hannibal and Sherlock and after a day of hard work deciding you don't need to remember anything that badly. * Yelling "story math!" when you correctly predict a story beat. * Realizing at the end of the episode that he's been inside his mind palace the entire time. * Copying your old hard drive onto the new one always working until one day you get an SSD drive and nothing fits. * Paying Dropbox money to get more storage and Dropbox starting to spam you about features you don't care about. * Only having a laptop to more effectively play your favorite web game. * Most people not really having any use for a desktop PC any more. * Having to remember life milestones differently because your life has settled down. * Liking a salad that doesn't have any lettuce in it. * Never having so badly wanted to go make a salad. * Peeling cucumbers so you don't get Cucumber Gas. * A hot cucumber. * Flashing your King.com CEO badge to get into the food truck even. * The burger joint offering you a salad with cheddar cheese crumbles on it and it turns out to just be a slice of cheddar they broke into a few pieces. * Crisping cheddar cheese in the broiler and throwing away the rest of your meal because you've peaked. * Trying to convince your wife that if you add mayo to a cheese plate it becomes a salad. * Not understanding when the young folks talk about going to sleep.
I Don't Want To Be Skin Dad

I Don't Want To Be Skin Dad

2020-02-1001:08:07

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords this week: * Tim made Jamestown and just shipped Jamestown+ on PC and Switch. http://jamestownplus.com/ * Kole makes podcasts at Duckfeed. http://duckfeed.tv/ Topics: * 2:42 Cat trees for humans. * Ninja Warrior. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJPP7M1hQZE * "Find an American Ninja Warrior Gym." http://www.ninjawarriorgyms.com/ * 7:37 Non-analytical storytelling/writing (flash writing, story time, songwriting) * Alice's Restaurant. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m57gzA2JCcM * 15:08 The ephemerality of AI Dungeon. * AI Dungeon: https://www.aidungeon.io/ * AI Dungeon patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AIDungeon * Art breeder: https://artbreeder.com/ * 25:13 Brett asks: "The assertion that programming and in particular programmers are getting worse." * 36:20 Sonder * "This Is Water." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI * "Laziness Does Not Exist" https://humanparts.medium.com/laziness-does-not-exist-3af27e312d01 * 47:48 What determines if an inanimate object (car, home, golf club) gets a proper name. * 56:09 Fruity Cheezma * "Cheese Tea: It’s Real and It’s Spectacular" https://www.dinnerpartydownload.org/cheese-tea/ * Orbitz (drink). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orbitz(drink) * Jim's Fruity Cheezma outcome: https://twitter.com/mogwaipoet/status/1210328506359414785?s=20 Microtopics: * Releasing the same game over and over again because it keeps being your best move. * Suffering through and finding the magic but still believing you shouldn't have had to suffer. * Asking yourself what the problem is and breaking it down. * Being here for topics. * Understanding that the question you're asking is ridiculous but asking it anyway. * What you want only existing for children because their needs are greater. * Using adult-sized playgrounds for physical therapy. * Using adult-sized playgrounds for physical therapy keeping those blades sharp. * The through line from bouldering to Ninja Warrior to Super Mario Bros. * Watching the first half of Full Metal Jacket and thinking the obstacle course looks really fun. * Putting game show contestants in a video game for the viewers at home but the contestants themselves are just looking at a big green wall. * Professional skaters having skate parks in their back yard. * Doing American Ninja Warrior every day and getting a lot more miles on the tires. * Tony Hawk getting away with skateboarding in a 50-year-old body because he's good enough to not faceplant all the time. * Giving a skateboard to an average 50-year-old and saying "go for it buddy." * Restarting civilization around your business plan. * Making up stories for your children in real-time. * Being a DM except nobody else gets a turn, you just keep going. * Five years of daily practice to wake up your storytelling brain. * Going to an Arlo Guthrie concert because you're old and go to Arlo Guthrie concerts. * All of Arlo Guthrie's songs being twenty minute stories like Alice's Restaurant. * Thinking that advice sounds wise for somebody else. * David Lynch's book on storytelling turning out to actually be about Transcendental Meditation. * Actually possibly having deep insights about the universe while being high on drugs. * Writing a book by just writing down something you already said and it feeling like someone else wrote the book. * Letting the story write itself and then taking credit for it. * Having children because you want to become a great writer. * Incurring $10,000 of hosting costs because you misconfigured your CDN. * A text adventure telling you what you did but not telling you what happened as a result. * Markov chain text generation. * AI replacing musicians and ultimately most art. * AI musicians giving you another album from your favorite band. * Exploring AI generated music and sharing your unique discoveries. * Seeing creative work as the last bastion of human work that AI can't take from us, but being wrong. * Feeling wonder at the achievement but also complete dismay that we've made ourselves irrelevant. * Basic income allowing us to look forward to the machines taking all our jobs. * All the advantages of AI just turning into more profit for billionaires. * Skating through a lucid fever dream and trying to make sense of the chaos, but it's really just chaos. * AI Dungeon being a good improv partner but a terrible game. * AI generated text being effectively sampled at an unknown granularity and having no idea if this is a unique sentence or if it's lifted wholesale from a Sonic fanfic. * Programmers getting worse as a discipline vs. getting worse as people. * Forcing everyone on Earth to participate in NaNoWriMo. * Building software on top of a teetering stack of dependencies 1,000 feet high because your company probably won't last out the year. * Programmers getting better in the same way speed metal guitarists are getting better. * Just making the thing and not caring how you make it because it just doesn't matter. * Not bothering working really hard to do the easy part really well because the hard part is what matters. * Companies being possibly good at their focus and everything else being good enough at best. * Some of your best friends being assholes. * The best programmers you've met being super sociable and cooperative. * Staying and asshole and flaming out because nobody wants to work with you or maturing and sanding off the rough edges and becoming more productive and less of a drag. * Not being sure if your co-workers are nice to everyone or just you because you have seniority. * The coming generation of programmers seeing programming as a hobby or a career rather than an identity. * Blocking the guy driving too fast on the freeway but then it turns out the guy driving too fast was going to the hospital. * Doing your best to live like people invented in storybooks. * Realizing that everyone around you has lives just as complex and nuanced as you or anyone you know. * The violence of walking past someone on the street and dismissing their entire context and history because you have no choice if you want to get on with your life. * Projecting an arbitrary order onto the chaos and definitely being wrong. * Definitely being wrong anyway so why not think a positive thing rather than a negative one. * Changing how you see somebody by imagining them differently. * Conceiving of a universe without yourself at the center. * Flying off the handle because you've had shit piled on you all day and not because you dislike Kole specifically. * Running late about 5% of the time you're driving and also being annoyed by about 5% of drivers going too fast because they're just irresponsible people. * Working hard to build positive interactions and trying to see the best possible version of somebody. * Instagram being a source of misery because you're comparing yourself to the prettiest people's prettiest moments. * Comparing your backstage to someone else's front stage. * Choosing to shape your world such that you're not walking around angry all the time. * Having a boat and the boat having a name. * Not giving your cat a name but permitting it to have a name. * Anthropomorphizing the objects you rely. * Calling it "the mud room" even though there's no mud and no room. * Naming furniture that hurts you "kneebreaker charlie" and not hating it so much because it's a little bit funny. * Thinking of an old car that's always breaking down as being like an old friend who's kind of a pain in the ass but you've been through so much together. * Being happier loving things. * A generic bunny holding an Easter Egg that nobody plays with until you give it a name. * The only time you've bought a plant in your life being that time they put googly eyes on a cactus. * Your roommate who took all the bows off of the presents under the tree and then shit on the floor. * Not wanting to be the skin dad. * Having animals to project love onto so your society is more placid and malleable. * Cats being way more lovable than most human children. * Empathizing with the kid crying on the airplane because you feel like crying too. * The kid who's allowed to scream in the grocery store when if you screamed you'd get thrown out of the store or arrested. * Putting hundreds of googly eyes on a Roomba because you can't just buy two googly eyes and calling it "Kos-ba." * Putting two eyes on the outside of the Roomba and the rest on the inside because you don't want to freak out the squares. * What's fruity, cheezma? * Trying to get your friends to follow the script of your joke but they keep making their own jokes instead. * Tweeting about there being no hits for "fruity cheezma" and now there being one hit for "fruity cheezma." * The cheese tea rocking the boba world. * Copping to a certain amount of midwestern provincialism. * The probability of inhaling boba being very high but it's great though. * Blowing a tapioca ball directly into the mouth of your enemy right as they're inhaling. * The end of your boba beverage being like The Very Hungry Caterpillar. * A dare than someone should not have taken and that someone having possibly been you. * Cream cheese and fruit going together. * The kind of logic you don't want to be applying to food. * Putting all your old food combo ideas on the menu without testing any of them because Fruity Cheezma worked out somehow. * Wanting peanut butter to work with sliced cheese because you can roll it up like a taquito. * Figuring out that milk and Cheerios go together because they're both kind of off-white so next you try orange juice and Cheez-Its. * Cheez-Its staying crispy in orange juice because they're so oily. * A Cheez-It being named Arthur and loving its mother. * The driver in front of you making a right turn on red from the third lane over because she was in a hurry to get to the library and walking up to her to ask for reparations. * A telling being told or not being told.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Tyriq is working on video games including Catacomb Kids: https://fourbitfriday.itch.io/catacombkids and has a Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/FourbitFriday * Avery still made that solo album. https://averyburke.bandcamp.com/releases Topics * 5:12 Reading non-religious texts as scripture. * Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. http://www.harrypottersacredtext.com/ * Orphans of the Sky. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OrphansoftheSky * Generation Ships. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generationship * Water. https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Water * Wookieepedia has removed Poggle the Greater so I guess their editors are just as serious-business as Wikipedia's. * Video Game Advisor. https://twitter.com/VGAdvisor * 18:13 I just found out that "pitched battle" means "pitch" as in "sales pitch" as opposed to "fever pitch." * Pitched battle on Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pitchedbattle * Pitched battle on Merriam Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pitched%20battle * 24:01 How do you really use carrier pigeons? * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homingpigeon * Pigeon racing. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pigeonracing * 32:05 Larry asks: "Which ship is the best one?" * Earthships. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthship * Dyson spheres. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysonsphere * Is it Hogwarts or just Britain? https://www.reddit.com/r/harrypotter/comments/ajmpqi/nonbritishharrypotterfanswhataresome_things/ * 40:53 One of two ways of doing a thing. * 52:17 The switch in ancient Greece from clothed to naked sports. Microtopics: * Taking a bite out of a cartoon bird and leaving a tooth-shaped hole, like a cookie. * Empire Records now being more real than Tower Records. * Not remembering record stores. * Mowing your face into a lawn made of tiny green clones of you. * Trusting that in a couple years your record will be classic enough that dads will want it for Christmas. * Trying to glean philosophy and life lessons out of the Bible even if you don't believe it's real. * Trying to glean philosophy and life lessons out of Harry Potter even if you don't believe it's real. * Star Wars being more real than Tower Records. * Mixing methamphetamines and marriage. * Language changing to mean the thing people misunderstand it to mean. * Drinking tea and watching war as if it's a sport. * Wearing enormous flags so people can see at a glance how the battle is going. * Pantsed and unpantsed meaning the same thing. * The union of shells and the union of unshelledness. * The dude whose job it is to take homing pigeons away from home. * Homing pigeons basically being a rubber band. * Defcon attendees hacking the pigeon timestamp machine to win the pigeon race. * Buying a signed shot polisher from the guy who won the International Barista Championships. * Going to the barista gym up keep your skills up between barista gigs. * Coming back from your barista sabbatical and discovering all coffee is now made in node.js. * Not letting anyone else use the espresso machine you convinced management to pay for. * Being both a barista and a bard at GitHub. * Singing to GitHub employees a tale of the GitHub CEOs valor. * The Roman alphabet existing in the Star Wars universe. * Being a huge fan of Dyson spheres. * Shamefully burying your fanfic in the desert, like E.T. * Wanting to live in a pile of garbage. * Wanting to live in a desert house, but not in the desert itself. * Forming complex structures using simple rules. * Wizards just pooping on the ground and magicking it away. * Being furious when someone peels a banana wrong. * Orienting your toilet paper so it's harder for cats to unroll. * Cats sticking their paws under the door. * Being sad because the doors are too flush with the ground for a cat paw to say hi. * Bringing your guitar case to lure your cat admirer away from you. * Waking up screaming about raccoons. * A cat's ability to form a mental model of the world. * Unloading the front door from memory when you get to the second floor. * Never getting the dog you wanted so you get an iguana instead. * Waking up snuggling a cold handbag. * Whether lizards snuggle with sleeping deer in the wild. * Earnestly proposing a Utopia ruled by you and your friends. * Doing the Olympics naked being a week-long fad at best. * Soccer fandoms gaining political power and going to war with one another. * Soccer's popularity fading immediately after its invention, being just one of millions of microsports. * Going into the wrestling pit with a spring loaded revolver up your sleeve. * Voting somebody off the island of Earth. * Biting open your cell phone tooth and the liquid going into a mold in your stomach shaped like a cell phone and pooping out a cell phone. * There also being a mold for a cell tower in your stomach. * Being qualified to gatekeep a culture because you once dated someone of that culture.
Dad Is A Cenobite

Dad Is A Cenobite

2020-01-2701:05:17

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * April is a park ranger at @aprilsaur. * Danny makes video game documentaries at https://noclip.website/ and is on Twitter at @dannyodwyer. Topics: * 4:26 Intentionally teaching your child the wrong word for something. * Dogtooth. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogtooth(film) * It turns out the kid's mom was talking to him in English at the same time -- a bilingual household. https://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/news/article/13011269/klingon-as-a-second-language * The "I Can Eat Glass" project. https://www.oocities.org/nodotus/hbglass.html * 14:44 Harbinger households. * https://boingboing.net/2019/12/03/harbringer-of-doom.html * 21:29 Men's wallets. * 31:45 Quill asks: "I've been planning to change my name recently. The first name that I came up with is 'Quill,' but I can't think of a good last name to go with it. Could you give me some suggestions, or some advice on how to come up with cool names?" * We used Hitch Switch to change our names and it saved us a lot of work. (It still involved a lot of work.) https://www.hitchswitch.com/ * The Aphantasia study. https://www.eugencpopa.ro/wp-content/uploads/Afantazia-.pdf * 41:17 Shen Yun commercials are literally everywhere. * Shen Yun 2019 official trailer. https://youtu.be/7H-kYoczCp0 * Shen Yun is "essentially, religious-political propaganda—or, more generously, an extremely elaborate commercial for Falun Dafa’s spiritual teachings and its plight vis-à-vis the Chinese Communist regime." https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/stepping-into-the-uncanny-unsettling-world-of-shen-yun * How to use an abacus. https://www.ee.ryerson.ca/~elf/abacus/intro.html * How to use a slide rule. https://www.sliderulemuseum.com/SRCourse.htm * Baby friendly movie theaters. https://babyfriendlyamerica.com/2016/06/movies/ * 49:50 Woodpeckers can withstand impacts of 100gs. * Woodpecker eating. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPhzGpSspSHx1cA1O-FAAtsFu34MZbg-t * A weasel riding a woodpecker. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2015/3/150303-weasels-woodpeckers-animals-science-weaselpecker-photos/ * The best source I could find describing the mechanism of any self sharpening maw: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/adfm.201001546 * 57:24 Being an extremely unimaginative kid. Microtopics: * Reading numbers off of a list because topics haven't been invented yet. * Giving someone a funny look where the funny part is that you're not looking at them. * Cows that are so cute you want to want to put them in your mouth, which would surely kill them. * The fuzzy cows only being fuzzy because it's winter. * Falling off a cliff being the only way to hurt yourself in Ireland. * The song they teach Irish children about American tourists falling off cliffs. * Age differences being insignificant when you're millions of years old. * Knowing two people but calling them both the same thing because one of their names is too hard to say. * Which animals are close enough to a dog to call "dog." * A perfect 1960s household but the dad is a cenobite. * Not being sure if you have bad luck or if you're just a bad person. * Product researchers studying what you like because everything you like fails. * Lying to researchers so companies will still make products you like. * Eating banana flavored corn flakes while you watch Milli Vanilli music videos on your Betamax player and Ralph Nader is the mayor. * Moving to a zip code where all your neighbors have your same contrary taste in products. * A wallet the size of four king-sized Snickers bars. * Finding paradise in the wrong gender's department at Target. * Feeling the thrill of being free of a giant heavy brick. * Having to buy an expensive, fashionable watch because otherwise your peers won't take you seriously. * Taking a photo of your ID and just showing the cop your Instagram. * Getting a non-folding wallet so your dollar bills won't have creases. * Explaining to the barista that the last guy put the crease in the dollar bill, not you. * Promising the barista you won't fold the coffee either. * Getting a note press so this sort of thing won't happen again. * Getting to say your cool last name into a walkie talkie at work. * Technically not appropriating anything because you're just using culture that's already been appropriated by someone else. * A day full of mostly making people happy, for a change. * Changing your last name to Ass and owing royalties to Ass owners. * An opportunity for some serious synergy. * Radio listeners celebrating other radio listeners. * Deciding to throw the blue checkmark people in with gen pop. * Waiting until you're on your deathbed to watch something to maximize anticipation. * The last thing you see before they turn off the dialysis machine. * Missing out on pop culture because you always click "skip ad" as soon as possible. * Advertising your audience into submission. * Trying to explain a slide rule without understanding what a slide rule is. * Watching Alien in the theater with a baby strapped to your chest. * Evolving to not kill yourself when you head butt a tree. * Having an incredibly fancy tongue. * Squirrels eating every single bulb from your string lights to humiliate you. * A peregrine falcon drowning a songbird in a creek while looking you in the eye. * Always being sure to catch the woodpecker with the beak facing away from you. * Letting the other kids on the playground do the imagining for you. * Deciding whether it's actually "great" to "e-meet" you.
Kurt Cobain Vocaloid

Kurt Cobain Vocaloid

2020-01-2001:10:14

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Shannon Strucci does video essays at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh9DnjvObUcvvwrYbJ4-cLQ and is a film correspondent for http://www.strugglesession.us/ and is a teen superhero on https://www.criticalbitcast.com/ * JP makes stuff at http://vectorpoem.com, especially game tourism mods: http://vectorpoem.com/tourism/ Topics: * 2:43 The pressure to monetize hobbies or perform them for social media vs just having hobbies * 13:25 If you could create a 5 acre island in the middle of the remote south Pacific ocean, what would you use it for? * 17:25 Level design lessons from Hawaii * Goats for hire, preventing wildfires in California. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n56opj5gJhc * Kalij pheasants. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C63tykplkhU * 28:30 "The 2012 Oakland Athletics adapted 'Movin' Like Bernie' into their celebration routines after Coco Crisp played the song for third baseman Brandon Inge in the team's clubhouse before a game." * Oakland A's Bernie Lean: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJMBmsK5hXc * BOILeR season 2017 playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLj5IcL4eAydWVS2hTWFIjB7YFJBwt4D3A * 34:07 Fictions that, as a throwaway gag, exist within their own worlds (Remembrance of the Daleks, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure) * Dick Justice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3epcX07t78M * Simlish pop songs: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLeTlCMqy3jFUUeqNhjiPBO88SU2PXZqI * 46:05 First time you tried your favorite foods? Especially if you first tried them as an adult * Brussels Sprouts are less bitter than they used to be. https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2019/10/30/773457637/from-culinary-dud-to-stud-how-dutch-plant-breeders-built-our-brussels-sprouts-bo * 52:06 Time Trap and creating mysteries from the outside in * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TimeTrap_%28film%29 * A definitive Timeline for Primer: https://unrealitymag.com/at-last-a-definitive-timeline-for-primer/ * The self-lacing Nike MAG. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NimGxU4Qnhk Microtopics: * Being confused by the existence of two separate Shannons. * Video games where nobody bothers you, and arguably that being the whole point of video games. * Doing calligraphy on Twitch. * Doing calligraphy just for yourself and that being way better. * The cost of getting more than one kind of value out of something. * Having an audience and feeling the need to entertain the audience whenever possible. * Finally deciding to get a real job because you have a kid on the way. * Imagining having a job as a programmer and not being happy about it. * Doing creative work in private because you're not good enough to do it publicly. * Producing a complete song in five minutes when it takes five years to make a game. * Always being able to see the geological phenomenon that will take your life one day. * The base of the Sutro Tower basically being a Quake level. * Being shot at as you approach the Sutro Tower. * Seeing Batman's head and knowing which way to go. * DragonCon's failure to produce parchment realm maps. * Hawaii having lava, hostile creatures and good landmarking. * Playing your anime theme song on your phone as you show up at the manga and wall scroll store with your katana. * Having an animated gif that represents your identity. * How to turn Binding of Isaac into an e-sport. * Stupefyingly long TV series lifetimes. * Text-to-speech deepfakes. * Chopping up Garret's voice to create dialog for your Thief fan mission. * Measuring Ian McKellen's voice and sending the data to people who have never heard Ian McKellen so they have plausible deniability. * Living on your own and eating Indian food for the first time. * Discovering a new continent at the Indian buffet. * Not wanting to eat a salad because probably there are bugs in there. * Stepping stones to eating sushi. * Food preferences being heavily shaped by first impressions. * Liking Primer two different ways, ten years apart, and being right both times. * The important lesson being hidden behind the interesting puzzle. * Unsolvable mysteries that haunt you for the rest of your life. * Enclosing a narrative with another narrative. * Assuming the Wii will remain ascendant because it's 1989 and Nintendo dominates your culture. * The story turning to mush when it comes time to actually answer to the question. * The thrill of reactive, improvisational storytelling. * The strength of remaining vague about whether your show is supernatural or not. * Imagining what happens next in a story as a way of enjoying the story. * The nectar that mystery storytelling is trying to extract.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Laura Michet makes both indie games and huge megacorp games and just published a short story in Realms of Runeterra. https://leagueoflegends.fandom.com/wiki/RealmsofRuneterra * Xalavier Nelson, Jr. is a freelance narrative director, currently making An Airport for Aliens Currently Run by Dogs. https://www.patreon.com/StrangeScaffold Topics: * 5:10 Moth Man. Discuss. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothman * The Leatherman, 10-fingered vagabond. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leatherman(vagabond) * The Kelly-Hopkinsville encounter. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelly%E2%80%93Hopkinsvilleencounter * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TheMothmanProphecies(film) * Owls that look like aliens. https://twitter.com/MariettaDaviz/status/1195194263866429441?s=20 * Storytelling, with Odds Bodkin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rISdBiNhzb0&list=PLR1edeZ72f3yI53wj3WOxSNwlS1Y-b * 18:19 Why aren’t there more types of chair in common use? We have so many chair types in global society and we use basically only Couch and Regular Chair chairs in public. * 26:03 Peeing a thimbleful while pregnant, and other shop talk. * 30:33 Are you more likely to trust any given dog or any given cat? * 36:54 Would it actually be any fun to be an animal? * 45:00 Advantages and disadvantages of different book bindings. Microtopics: * Making an igloo out of rigid body, shadow casting boarding passes. * Cryptids appealing to adult males 18-35. * Cryptids losing their cryptid status when they turn out to be real. * Keeping your fingers because you are wise and have a cave. * Wikipedia pages that really ought to put the subject's finger count front and center. * Confusing Odds Bodkin with Odd Bodkins. * Booking your favorite banjo-playing grandpa to play at your game development megacorp. * Taking a bullet for a friend you wouldn't go to a concert with. * Becoming increasingly annoyed with Richard Gere and his relationship with the moth man. * Distinguishing thrones from non-thrones. * Snarling like an evil prince with your leg over the arm of your throne. * Whether there are more cats indoors or outdoors, especially in El Paso Texas. * Legal prohibition of attempting to disperse a large enough group of cats. * Convincing the judge that your rocking chair was not intended to disperse the cats. * Cat sovereignty. * Rampaging cat unions recognized by the UN. * Reagan sending in cat scabs to replace rampaging cat unions. * Being terrified of military veterans returning home and taking our jobs. * A Jim Stormdancer-shaped hole that an Air Force veteran is destined to fill. * The agent of the greater space, the arch-demon, the plane itself, the car itself, the boat itself. * The rage of seeing a teaspoon of any liquid. * Recording a conversation so you can decide later whether it's ethical to listen to it. * Immediately going to murder. * Trusting a dog to be your accountant. * A dog being much more likely than a cat to be helpful but also being more likely to maim you. * Being a jester for a cat's pleasure. * Being hyper aware of the dark side of dogdom. * Dogs representing in joy in a complicated world. * Needing permission to pee. * Cats not wanting to move to Hollywood. * Cats that are cognizant of a better world they can no longer have. * An animal with a sense of hubris, entropy and regret. * A larger squirrel being mean to you. * Getting the horny disease once a season. * Getting all your horny out of the way at once, like Spock. * Spraying eggs everywhere and not taking up anyone else's time. * When the page curves because the other pages are in the way and the image on the page is annoyingly distorted. * The stigma against the paperback being an act of class warfare. * Wanting the physical trophy of the book on your shelf as much as the experience of reading it. * Appreciating the people who have previously read the same copy of the book you have. * Renting Final Fantasy II from Blockbuster and appreciating the previous player's save file. * Being too mature for fart jokes and then being mature enough to enjoy fart jokes again. * Having to make a noise every time you get out of a chair.
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