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Topic Lords

Author: Jim Stormdancer

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Every week, Jim invites different friends to guest on Topic Lords and be excited about whatever they've been fixated on this week.
246 Episodes
Lords: * Jay * Alex Topics: * Mexican food outside San Diego (Having lived in Colorado, Ohio, and now Melbourne) * Releasing my first commercial video game * The being an uncle of camping * Skyscrapers by Matt Haig * * Attempting to preserve 40 years' worth of data Microtopics: * A puzzle adventure game starring a ferret. * DROD-likes. * Sending an envelope full of guacamole to a food lab so they can tell you a list of ingredients. * Reaching in the window so you can finally drive a million dollar Porsche. * Letting the Ewok sit in the driver's seat but not actually letting it drive the car. * Whether Ewoks get old enough to drive. * Throw Rock. * Making a game by first making your own level editor, image editor, audio synthesizer and music composition tools. * Finding playtesters by letting them come to you. * An eyeball that charges a laser when you step in front of it. * Deliberately optimizing your game to take up as little disk space as possible. * A project that starts moving much faster when you figure out what kind of project it should be. * Writing a 3D modeler so that you can get your 2D game on Steam. * Working with a professional artist. * Rendering fur. * Games with turns that represent less than a second of in-game time. * The mind-feel of a turn length. * A game that was so good that the developers went back decades later to make it playable. * The Mud and the Slime. * How to play DROD without any roach timers. * Which DROD is the best one to start with. * Sokoban with swordplay. * The level in King Dugan's Dungeon that's nothing but roach queens. * Optimizing your sword movements well enough that you can move forward while fighting. * Puzzles that are just hard enough to engage your mind while you do something else. * Visiting someone who is camping and then going home to sleep in your own bed. * Building a fire and making s'mores in the bathroom. * Camping expenses. * Giving gifts to adults who can already buy whatever they want. * Deliberately choosing a vacation that is especially exhausting. * Spending two days each visiting seven different family friends. * Your grandparents taking you camping and they sleep in the RV while you have to sleep in the tent. * Buying an onion bloomer for $600 and insisting that your family eat a blooming onion every night to justify the purchase. * Skyscrapers made out of words * Training yourself to visualize words in the wrong orientation. * Puzzling out what the title of the poem would've been if the typesetter hadn't messed it up * Cross-sectional art. * Poems that are intended to be viewed rather than read aloud. * Anti-poem poems. * Every project you've ever worked on (on a computer) * Good usable archives. * The unique digital footprint of your life. * Getting the bits from a SCSI hard drive in an old Mac that doesn't boot up. * Apple Desktop Bus Connection. * The miraculous ubiquity and longevity of USB-A. * Figuring out how to hook up a digital video player that requires a Firewire connection. * The MacOS resource fork. * What the .sit and .hqx extensions meant. * Gamma Zee. * Using social media to actually do things.
Lords: * Ben * Nicholas Topics: * Let me describe to you the Australian treats I sent my Canadian friend * The UX of live sport is terrible * Game jam idea! * * I Continue to Dream, by Langston Hughes * * Being overly patriotic and repping the national identity but only when around foreigners, is this something everyone does or just aussies? Microtopics: * Projects that you can't talk about yet * Telling a joke for international joke day. * A very busy day for Australians. * Sending 3 kilos of lollies to your co-worker in Canada. * It's the way it shatters that matters. * Cherry Ripes. * The thinking man's candy. * Chicken Crimpy. * A biscuit inspired by Golden Gaytime. * "It's hard to have a Gaytime on your own." * Renaming chocolate jelly babies to be less racist. * A real enthusiasm for desiccated coconut. * Butter chicken parmigiana. * P burger candy. * Whether kangaroos are hunted or farmed. * Whether kangaroos are the same size as the kangaroo fruit. * The waiter in Japan staring at you until you eat the single slice of kiwi. * The official ranking of fruit prestige in Japan, with melon only being bested by keys and Galaga ships. * How many footballs they have in Australia. (At least three, maybe six.) * A sport where nobody can tell when somebody has scored so the whole audience is constantly on edge. * The theme song for the guy coming up to bat. * Booing when your team scores, because they didn't score more. * Whether Eurovision is better when you're not in Europe. * Correlating sports with Eurovision. * A little song and dance that's definitely not political. * XFL camera operators running around on the field. * Improving sports broadcasts with drone cameras. * A comprehensive list of games that are causes for negligence. * Games on boards with 8 or 10 rows (or the same games played in the sky). * Avoiding the line to be avoided. * Making a mark on a wall and deciding if it looks like an elephant. * There's no throwing, Buddha! This is not a cause for negligence. * How the Buddha feels about the Mersenne Twister. * An abacus except it's a roller coaster track. * Tracing letters in the air or on a friend's back. * Even more games Buddha would not play. * The minigame from the beginning of Mario 64 where you stretch out his eyes. * What Shall it Be? * In this game you are the video game and you are the one being played. * A video game adaptation of the less half fun of Pictionary. * Kinect Charades. * Using the Kinect voice to say "it's goat!" * It turns out Molyneux was wearing the business all along. * Turning your dream into art. Like a video game! Or something more artistic. * Dubbing your podcast onto cassette tape and calling it an Audio Zine. * The Creative Labs Creative Zen. * Setting up your sound card and hearing digitized speech in Leisure Suit Larry. * Fond memories of listening to digital audio on your Creative Labs Sound Blaster. * Dr. Sbaitso and Dr. Sbaitso imitators. * What you do when your dad isn't around to help you boot up Red Alert. * An FMV adventure game set in Germany. * The Red Alert installation experience. * Tim Curry giving his all in the Red Alert FMV cutscenes. * An oral history of Tim Curry's escape into the one place uncorrupted by capitalism. * Enjoying the Aboriginal Sauce at Outback Steakhouse. * Australians explaining that America also started as a prison colony * Hamilton didn't talk about this! * The Simpsons writing room discovering the Coriolis effect and realizing that they need to tell the world so it's lucky that anything they write will be broadcast on national television and on streaming services for decades to come. * Everyone in your age bracket having the first ten seasons of the Simpsons memorized. * Finding Frinkiac, analogous to discovering a new Blender plug-in. * Lying on the couch and taking a photo of the TV. * Having a mobile game and sending the APK to anyone who asks nicely.
Lords: * Daniel * Andrew Topics: * Hyperthymesia * Animal Well * Bad news for my google alerts: "Twinbeard" is the name of the Helldivers 2 community manager * Twinbeard reacts! * Dean asks "I know there are many seniors who are looking to start a business during retirement. For those who haven't settled on an idea yet, I'd love to suggest house flipping as a good way to earn income. May I write about this topic in a free article for your website -- specifically, how seniors can get into the house flipping business and become successful at it? I'll be sure to cover all the basics, including how to find the perfect property, how to finance the expenses, how to manage payroll for employees and contractors, etc. I'll also feature a link back to your website." * Should game developers "soak themselves" in games. Referring to this clip of Orson Welles: Microtopics: * Doom Guy: Life in First Person * A well full of animals. * A game that you keep hearing is great from people that you trust. * Remembering every detail of your life even though that's a terrible idea. * A cop asking you what you were doing on the night of November 3rd, 2021. * Fnords. * Eidetic memory vs. photographic memory vs. hyperthymesic memory. * Checking your memory of a time against your written records of that time. * Remembering that you're going to have a conversation about your day tonight so you had better do something interesting. * Data mining electronic records to figure out how you met somebody. * Playing a Sam Barlow game with your bank records. * Navier-Stokes fluid dynamics. * Spending a lot of time frowning. * Dark Forest. * A game providing you with a spoiler-free mechanism of conveying where you are in the game. * Shooting people vs. swording people. * The tools and verbs of just being a little guy. * Seeing a dog doing something you didn't expect to see a dog do. * Being unable to turn a crank because there's a blue ghost. * Choosing not to be a video game. * Setting up Google alerts for your game's working title. * Famous racehorse Secret Legend. * Liking some parts but not liking other parts. * How to construct a Google alert for t the video game Tunic. * Computer vision algorithms to increase yield and profitablity of insect farms. * How seniors can get into the house flipping business. * Collaborating with a spammer to write a poem about house flipping. * Exhorting a spammer to join the discord and post their dreams in the announcements channel. * A think tank dedicated to increasing house flipping around the world, measured by total rotation. * House flipping vs. house spinning. * A skateboard with the word "quaternion" written on it in a sick font. * Trying to flip a house but it gets gimbal locked and you lose everything. * Soaking in films. Just marinating in them. * Having virgin eyes in order to make great things. * Inventing video games from first principles. * The value of outsider art. * Shigeru Miyamoto inventing jumping. * Trying to remember the last time you jumped in real life. * Whether a historian has discovered the cave that inspired the Legend of Zelda. * What Stories Untold says about the Orson Welles quote about having virgin eyes. * Trying to prove yourself to a piece of software. * Trying to tell a story about a spaceship that doesn't involve combat. * 50 Years of Text Games. * Having read a book back when it was a blog. * Whether we have time for another topic. * Mixing a Red Bull with a Caffeine Free Coca Cola. * Sunlight patterns that remind you of wandering in the forest as a child * The disco ball as an extrapolation of dappled sunlight in the forest. * Out of focus motes of light. * Figuring out how to make a desert beautiful. * Living that home assistant life. * Going to a thrift store to buy a lamp to fix the terrible lighting in your hotel room. * A motor that's constantly jiggling a pot of water.
Lords: * Andrew * Tyriq Lords: * The Church of the SubGenius * Making FreeCell is kind of like playing FreeCell * How do we get to a place where our primary tool for productivity is not also our primary avenue of distraction? * "<3 Team Schiff", by Team Schiff * Microtopics: * World Building Notes * An accent you cannot discern the origin of. * Fun worlds that I've thought of. * A world where hair is the source of all life. * A port of Freecell to the Playdate that might never be released. * J.R. Bob Dobbs, a salesman from the 1950s. * Whether Discord (the IRC client) is named after Discordianism. * Tyriq Reads Wikipedia. * Principia Discordia. * An extremely profitable troll. * Good and bad reasons to troll. * Making your weird fun art without worrying about people taking you way too seriously fifty years from now. * Whether submarines are named after the Church of the Subgenus. * Rewriting your entire game in C. * Playing Freecell Validly. * A latecomer to Freecell. * The one known impossible Freecell seed. * The Freecell Helleed vs. the Minesweeper Dream Board. * The looking at the cube phase and the turning the cube phase. * Typeshift speed run hacks. * Knowing a 38-letter word. * Undo trees. * The New York Times games package being sold separately from the newspaper. * The diction of the New York Times crossword puzzle. * Doing Greek letter flash cards to up your crossword game. * Words that come up a lot when you're mashing letters together. * A job where you don't use a computer? In this economy? * Sequencer-based techno. * Constraints that fit the UI extremely well. * An interface that makes a lot of sense for the Game Boy. * Printing out the entirety of Wikipedia so you can go offline for a while. * The compressed size of Wikipedia. * Here's a thing and the only thing it does is have information on it. * Hanging out in the library with people vs. with books. * The three best things in life. * Opening the tiny drawer and flipping through the tiny cards with your tiny hands and using your tiny eyes to read the tiny text. * Downloading information about a spider that links to another spider. * Using robots.txt to ward off all kinds of creatures, not just robots. * 999: Extraterrestrial Worlds. * Abandoning the Dewey Decimal System after you discover that numbers go higher than 999. * Stopping to end. * This Cat Does Not Exist. * The perfect source of images that have never been used before. * An art project that invents politicians and texts people imploring them to donate to the campaign and that's how the art project gets funding. * What Socrates would have said about the Banksy that shredded itself. * Your legal name with a bunch of letters removed. * Picking an online handle that's very hard to pronounce to make sure people don't call you that in real life. * Giving everybody you meet a different name for yourself. * Having more friends than you've ever had. * Having hobbies that put you in a room with people. * Libraries as raucous hangouts. * Inviting tweens to play video games in the back rooms (but not in a shady way) * A citizen saying "hey, library, can I use a room?" * Your local library, featuring the Middle-Aged Zone. * Lego Security Theater. * An unordered list of links.
242. Malware For Labyrinths

242. Malware For Labyrinths


Lords: * Maxx * JP Topics: * The different kinds of "changing your mind" in creative work * What texture did you think clouds were as a kid? * Infinity Island * Sleep, by Jorge Luis Borges * * Chippendale Mupps and the slowest nerves Microtopics: * Knowing the names of zero outdoor cats in your neighborhood. * Canny outdoor cats who are adapted to city life and don't need your plugs. * Obi like the belt or like the Star Wars guy? * Loosey goosey versions * Changing your mind while making a creative work. * Moving a door or a window in an existing wall. * Bigger creative decisions being composed of many smaller creative decisions. * Retaining maximum flexibility at every point in the process. * A workflow that reflects the spectrum of flexibility. * Flexibility Lost is Sturdiness Gained. * Tweaking the value of pi to suit your needs. * A system where a bunch of things depend on a bunch of other things. * Axes of flexibility that you don't end up using. * More specific categories of types of changing your mind. * Going down a deep dark hole and finding the glittering prize but not being sure whether it's worth anything. * A loop that spirals, oscillating, into the middle. * Putting a branch into a meditation labyrinth and changing its theological meaning. * Rewriting your novel in second person, present tense, just to see how it feels. * The Citation Needed guy doubting that mazes can be built with snow. * The ongoing Corn vs. Maize Wikipedia war. * The marine layer rolling in. * Looking at clouds and totally seeing the ice cream. * Buying aerogel samples on eBay. * What stuffed animals are stuffed with. * Going to the sky island and it's sort of rubbery. * Walkable clouds in the Mario series. * Cloudjacking. * Yanking Lakitu out onto the pavement and going on a joyride until the LoJack system kicks in. * Super Mario Bros. redubbed with Quake and Half-Life sounds. * Super Mario Bros. Next Gen AAA * What clouds taste like. * Fizzy Lifting Drinks. * The soda with the glass ball. * Ordering something red hoping for cherry, watermelon or strawberry flavor, but it's cinnamon flavored. * Eating Red Hots for the first time and realizing you've been Halloween poisoned. * Your first bitey cinnamon food. * A little poison, as a treat. * Filling your mouth with tree bark. * Games with saved progress feeling like you're participating in a responsible activity than games where you start over every time. * Deliberate mechanical whimsy. * Making a complicated game and failing to teach the player how to play it. * For a Change, by Dan Schmidt. * An infinite variety of forms of confusion. * Playing Frog Fractions all the way through and being like "what twist??" * Why Jorge Luis Borges gets annoyed when people wake him up. * Semi-routinely yelling in your sleep. * Being asleep is the inside time. * Citing Borges as a vibe. * A mid-pod plug. * The works of Ted Chiang. * Internalizing the idea that you need sleep to function. * Stepping stones of self-reflection. * Waking up feeling the vague sensations of having dreamt. * Sleeping with your eyes open. * Integration of your environment into your dreams. * Biting your tail before you go to sleep and not feeling it until you wake up. * Putting keys in your toast. * Repurposing the Chippendale Mupp's nervous system to make a vintage delay pedal. * Esports competitors putting the left mouse button between their teeth to improve reaction time, because it's closer to the brain. * Brains evolving to process whatever whenever and assembling the timeline later. * Kuratas Heavy Industries. * Smiling to fire the heavy machine guns. * Gripens. * Subway ads exhorting Maximum Lethality! * The airport nearest to all of the oil fields in the Permean Basin. * Billboards for enterprise services. * Wasting eyeballs. * A couple of active web presences.
Lords: * Abby * * Pat * Topics: * The pear scene * Capsule machines vs. claw games * Designing UIs for TV * This be the Verse, by Philip Larkin * Microtopics: * My Brother the Car. * A card game that is not totally random. * Deciding to focus on something else in 2020. * Rock Paper Scissors vs. Rock Scissors Paper. * Which of the twins to take a kidney from * Committing to a bit that breaks the rhythm of what people expect you to say. * Making a game where people get crushed by debt but making it fun. * Everybody Loves Raymond. * Sitcoms that have plenty of opportunity to disappoint you. * A show that lives and dies in the performance. * Nine years to stop trying. * The most profitable sitcom of all time. * Adapting Raymond. * Ray Romano explaining the concept of having parents to a puzzled audience. * The kind of argument where both people make sense and are both trying to be nice. * Trying to be nice but failing. * 'Til Death. * The demeanor of a revenant. * Whether Brad Garrett listens to this show. * Hitting 100 episodes and going into syndication. * Musicians needing a body that can strike. * Writing an increasingly ludicrous sitcom for an audience of nobody. * A son who is always on the wacky tobacky. * A sitcom husband who notices that his wife has been recast and realizes he's on a sitcom. * Continuing to give Brad Garrett chances to star in sitcoms because he's so tall. * A sitcom that made you feel seen. * The workplace sitcom vs. the domestic sitcom. * Aimlessness in a post-Seinfeld era. * Abed Ghaith's striptease. * Is that Abed Ghaith's penis in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? * Claw game skill issues. * A billionaire trying to figure out how best to do good in the world and who decides to operate several generous claw machines. * Decorating a desk space with a pocket full of miniature delights. * Mona Lisa Breakdancing. * The rice cooker that King Piccolo was trapped in. * Rubik's Cube but all the faces are Mahjong tiles. * The coolest and most popular racial atrocity. * Ramen Man vs. Kikko Man. * A bowl of ramen in the shape of a tube. * Homer Simpson: visual ripoff of Kinnikuman. * Seeing an aquarium fish that looks just slightly too human. * Reading a book about bugs and itching like mad. * Worrying that you are ruining eyes for yourself. * Famous JAV title "Reincarnated as a Spider" * Conveying the idea of receiving a DM on social media to a television audience. * My face in a tube dot com. * Saying "youshmoob" really fast and hoping nobody notices. * Wanting to put a Russian Roulette scene in your TV show but being unable to negotiate the rights to Russian Roulette from ELORG so you need to hire Alexey Pajitnov to design a replacement game. * A joke that is very funny when you explain it but impossible to convey in any known medium. * The flag that says "bang!" * The Joker not being confident enough in his jokes so he has to use laughing gas. * Silent Comedy Joker has to work a bit harder. * Naming a difficulty level after a pop culture allusion to babies. * The ending of a Clockwork Orange in the UK depicting the protagonist as deciding to renounce violence and become a better person, but in the US they omitted that chapter because it's unrealistic. * The UK edition of A Clockwork Orange depicting the protagonist renouncing violence and becoming a better person so he joins the police force, whereas in the US edition the protagonist decides to remain brutal and violent so he joins the police force. * Where's the bridge, Larkin? * This be the verse you grave for me. * Poets being jerks to all different kinds of people. * Kefka creating a tower of garbage in Final Fantasy while everyone tries to convince him it's worthwhile to have a family. * Which kids inspired Lord of the Flies. * Suggesting that your mom read Chainsaw Man Part 1 so that you can talk to her about grief.
Lords: * JP * Shepard Topics: * Damn it, Microsoft added something worthwhile to Office. * Favorite DOS game soundtracks? * The Balatro Discourse * Faith is a Fine Invention, by Emily Dickinson * Microtopics: * Artist Alley. * Scrolling down a web page and seeing a bunch of cool stuff. * Seeing a list and wondering "how did this list happen"? * Steam Farming Fest. * Trying to figure out what you want to do when you grow up. * Eating eggs and rice when you have tummy troubles. * The file you all edit to make the deposit slip. * Taking data from multiple columns and putting them all in a single list. * Becoming the spreadsheet wizard. * Installation wizards. * Why nobody calls a software feature a "wizard" any more * A window into the dialectic of wizards. * The LLM hype tornado. * Renting video software from Blockbuster. * Back when any media was a "tape" * Enumerating the kinds of MS-DOS audio hardware. * Emitting a blast of data. * Enjoying a video game in 4, 16 or 256 colors. * How Doom sounded on the internal PC speaker. * Playing multiplayer Doom on a four computer LAN where two of the computers don't have sound cards. * The Doom source port family tree. * Whether Linux supported the internal PC speaker. * Playing each MIDI note with the off-the-track square wave. * Holding on to a joke for several minutes. * Doing sound effects via the Roland MT-32. * FM synth guitars sounding more evil than real guitars. * Synthesizers that are fancier than other synthesizers and are therefore better. * The ambient music on the Doom soundtrack. * The Lost Vikings soundtrack. * Games with tracker soundtracks. * The tracker music era. * A roguelike deck builder kind of a thing. * A huge hit within your social horizon. * Beginners hoping to project intelligence and competence. * The kind of mixing of data and code that Lua makes easy to do. * How to deploy a Love2D game to consoles. * A cool game idea that's just a bunch of cards doing stuff. * Sean Barrett's STB libraries. * The ability to change your mind without having to throw away a bunch of work. * Ambient complexity vs. intrinsic complexity. * Hot takes escaping containment. * The Celeste character controller. * Software security practices that do not apply to a single player indie game. * Looking at code and seeing all the things that it used to be. * Looking at code solving a problem in a domain you are unfamiliar with. * An Emily Dickinson poem that reads like a response to an argument she had at dinner. * Situations where you can directly observe what's happening. * All the filters preventing you from bursting out into song. * Esprit de escalier. * Who was Emily Dickinson owning? * A contempt for faith and a sense that microscopes are good. * Knowing that nobody reads your blog, but taking satisfaction in the knowledge that someone hypothetically could. * Excavating spiritual truth from apocryphal ramblings. * The app that holds all the texts you don't send for ransom. * Digging through people's trash but with fewer steps.
Lords: * Abi * * Eva * * * Topics: * Will 2024 be the year of Snoopy girls? * * * Are living fossils inherently better creatures or just really lucky? * Helious * * * Certain Women * * Emulators are finally available for iOS, which is exciting until you realize you have to play Mario 64 with a touchscreen * Miko asks: "Public Universal Friend" Microtopics: * Working through mental struggles in the form of Zelda dungeons. * Donating to Red Cross for Snoopy Merch. * Snoopy's place in the cultural zeitgeist. * Transcending Peanuts. * Who doesn't want a fun bird friend? * Crocheting and knitting making a major comeback. * Every year is the year of Linux on the Desktop. * Influencers wearing a Snoopy merch. * NASA sending Snoopy to the Moon. * Giving your merch to NASA for free but charging the shit out of movie makers trying to make documentaries or authentic space movies. * Animals that are already so good they didn't need to keep evolving. * Leaving bacteria off your list because you couldn't even see them. * A little blobby thing. * Scientists trying to write for the general public. * Naming an organism after the concept of having three eyes when it only has two eyes. * Having two good eyes but evolving a third shitty eye just to annoy people. * Running executables of completely unknown provenance. * A game that was plausibly created by aliens if you haven't played very many interesting games. * Making up an incredible back story for your game to explain why you have no idea why colors work. * Good Wild Combo vs. Unused Insurance Bonus. * Looking up the artist of a work you loved in the 90s and they're still out there tooting. * Wizened game developers posting on social media about their farm animals. * Designing interfaces for the phone. * Finding out that a person made a work you loved and preferring to have imagined it came from space. * Striving to be a cozy follow. * Retweeting a thing that does not make people angry. * Putting the poise in poison. * Inherently terrifying bodies of water. * A big fish that's touching you now. * A level of repetition that is bordering on too much. * Songs of Love, Death and Pleasure. * Deliberately blurring the line between poems and songs. * The Emulators-on-iOS era. * Kirby Canvas Curse. * Playing Super Mario Land on a TI-84 calculator. * What old Nintendo games work well on an iPhone. * The EU repeatedly forcing Apple to get its shit together. * One- and two-thumbed smartphones. * The Society of Universal Friends. * The thought process that led to the creation of Human Snoopy. * The Cat Snoopy phenomenon. * Snoopy as a Psychonauts character. * Snoopy enjoying a pile of human femurs. * The Notorious PUF. * Someone who was interesting enough to enter the historical record. * An attempt to seize the Friend and carry them off in an oxcart. * The distinction between abstinence and celibacy, and whether it exists now or in the 19th century. * The Mouth of the Lord. * Naming yourself after a branch of the government. * DMing people on Discord.
Lords: * CisHetKayFaber * Jenni Topics: * Interesting/weird foley sounds in games * Finding out about pop culture when it shows up in ASMR videos * CisHetKayFaber, correcting small breast mammography takes: "Mammograms seem to suck for everyone, and my initial take of, 'they just keep going' is correct while later discussion where I used it as an example where 'best effort,' in the healthcare system feels like lack of care wasn't appropriate even if that broader point is generally true." * * Going to see the eclipse * * He peels off my clothes like a starving man would peel an orange, by Sharon Cherski * * Generational punctuation differences * Microtopics: * Plugging the enormous void in your soul by playing Balatro. * A card game with really good balance and numbering. * Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on the Rusty Lake series. * Giving everybody grace except for yourself. * Corpse looting foley. * Looking through a sound library for the sound of a spider dying. * Buying a chair from an estate sale because you love the sound it makes. * The Looney Tunes cartoon where some foley artist invented everyone's conception of what a pneumatic tube sounds like. * Running around outside and deciding to drop a soup can into the pool. * A school project where you rerecord all the audio for five minutes of television. * Showing your project to someone and you did such a good job that they don't even notice your project. * All the clothes that you're wearing making all the clothes noises. * Watching a porn clip overdubbed with Minecraft noises at just the right time in your life. * Does two tails mean two assholes? * Putting an acronym on the Tails experience. * If you've got a cloaca, it's gotta go in the acronym. * Only getting horny when an earth, somewhere in the multiverse, is being hit by a comet. * Two-Tails has two assholes, and I'm one of them. * Forming the Megazord. * Lance from all the various things that have Lances in them. * Who is Lance in love with Voltron? * Google giving you sports results to make incognito mode more plausible. * Ironic ASMR. * Doin' it for the tingles. * When Dora the Explorer asks you what your favorite part of the show was and she says "I liked that too" except it's a video of a doctor asking you about your health. * The doctor explaining that this is just what your life is like now. * Hot dogging it on the blood pressure cuff. * Changing your blood pressure just to fuck with your doctor. * Deliberately choosing a femme-presenting chubby doctor. * Needing to lose about 40 pounds so you get a leg amputated. * Checking a box on your insurance form saying "do not give me lifestyle advice." * Carrying around your patient in a folder. * Doing the Barium test every time. * I'm in a Barium rotisserie, I need you to work with me. * Checking the quality of your stomach lining. * Trying to banter with the person giving you the mammogram and deeply offending them. * Getting small mouth shame at the dentist. * Rude Doctor ASMR. * ASMR videos where the dentist tells you your mouth is big enough. * Assuming Hugh Laurie is not on Cameo for the purposes of the bit. * Sourcing an entire podcast through Cameo. * The most stony-faced magical realism twin assassins. * Topics episode topics. * How to personalize a stair. * Hiring Mike Ehrmantraut to tell you how you're gonna do your taxes. * Mike Ehrmantraut administering the mammogram. * Visiting friends who live near the totality. * A stump that is freshly cut so it's exuding sap non-stop and is covered with bees and flies 24/7. * Whalefall but on land. * Chekov's oozing stump coming back in the third act. * Going to the astronomical society web site to be sure that the eclipse glasses you get are not the counterfeit eclipse glasses. * Looking at where the sun used to be. * Looking at something that could only be a visual effect except it's right there in the sky. * A thousand year old elf working through her emotions about how her human friends keep dying. * The day you had to be inside during recess. * Standing up and throwing your potato salad and mint julep on the ground. * Writing an angry email to Peter Molyneux for designing eclipses badly. * The cold cement basement of love. * Media from 1992. * Borrowing the DVD boxed set of My So-Called Life from your manager at the pizza place. * Writing poems for your benefactors. * Poetry written from the point of view of a fake person. * Poetry that could plausibly have been written by a teenager. * Do you believe the German mathematician in the 19th century, or do you believe Google? * A soda can that plays the Amen Break when you open it. * Texts from your mom asking how is your "boyfriend," is there anything I can do to "help"? * What it means when someone puts two spaces after a period. * Growing up meaningfully on the internet. * Composing some shit very quickly and making sure it is very needs-suiting. * Taking all day to come up with 350 words because you did not grow up on IRC or forums. * All the kids discordin' like for real for real fam. * A much wider variety of emoji than anything you can do with colons and parentheses. * Sending the semicolon-based winky face to your wife because you cannot be bothered to pull open the emoticon window and find the right icon. * Asking your dad "what do you think LMAO means" * Aunts saying "LOL" in funeral announcements. * Entire generations who have terrible reading comprehension because they didn't grow up texting their friends as their primary mode of communication. * Missing entire regions of UI because they are vaguely shaped like ads. * Using a bigger computer to make your bigger purchases. * Millenial CAPTCHAs. * Straight for pay.
Lords: * Avery * Chris Topics: * Cross-Country Skiing * Putting art where advertising usually goes * Running Pico-8 on a Raspberry Pi * The Day I Fell Down the Toilet by Steve Turner * * I thought "snow" was one thing but it is about a million different things Microtopics: * Looking for a job as a programmer but finding one as a bard. * A Transformers the Movie style power ballad. * Stopping having a job on purpose. * All the fun things you can do on mountains. * Carrying around a VR helmet so you can take photos of a mountain. * Snowy mountains on one side and lava fields on the other. * Towns named after regular guys. * Yelling at your barista that you live in Frisco. * The tier list of San Francisco's rarest nicknames. * The wrong kind of skiing. * A kind of hiking that is faster and also you can slide down the hill. * Cross-country snowboarding. * Repeatedly popping out of your ski boots and landing in the snow barefoot. * The most winter you've experienced in your entire life. * Taking snow home from the mountains and putting it in a cup in your freezer. * Breaking your toe while stage jumping. * Best ways to not save a hypothermic toe. * Devoting a portion of your massive intellect to making your friend's life interesting. * Back before the Internet was threatening. * The Avery ARG (or AARG). * Writing a short story about your friend in the form of a dating personals ad and posting hundreds of copies all over town. * Miranda July. * An app that crowdsources uncomfortable personal interactions. * A KFC billboard that has been defaced to unrecognizability but the life-sized statue of Colonel Sanders right next to it remains untouched. * Partnering with Safeway to distribute your zine on the back of Safeway receipts. * Mixing up your ammo with your pharmaceuticals so your mugger no longer feels iron deficient. * Whether it's morally okay to appreciate a well-made advertisement. * The advertisement where the guy is now on a horse. * Spray tan parties happening in your area. * Going to the buying place with your earth money. * Your favorite deodorant being discontinued and buying the very last crate and rationing them even though you go to the gym every day. * Handling Smellium with your bare hands. * Smelling what happened to the scientists who discovered Smellium. * Asking for a fun tool for Christmas even though you know you'll never have time to use it because maybe the idea of fun is enough. * The screen saver only paying attention to mouse and keyboard input so when you're playing games you need to jiggle the mouse every few minutes or the screen saver kicks in * Looking at headlines first thing in the morning to make yourself angry enough to get out of bed. * Seeing a headline saying "10,000 people join Mastodon" and thinking it's talking about the metal band. * A touring photographer whose job is is to photograph EDM acts staring at their laptops. * Software developers figure out a more effective way to make money than making their users happy. * Nonconsensual updates. * Writing demos, like in the 90s, back when computers were fun. * The optimism of feeling like computers were going to make people's lives better. * Finding cool programs to download onto your computer. * Getting a job writing Picotron BBSes in Lua. * Waiting until Chat GPT learns how to use Picotron. * Clippy but it's self-aware and hates itself. * Asking Clippy for stories about Bill Gates. * Desktop Pets. * Bonzi Buddy pointedly reminding you that he has your credit card number. * Writing a poem to get your dad to stop asking you if you're off the toilet. * The scene from Trainspotting where the protagonist dives into the toilet. * In twenty years when Winston is hosting Topic Lords and making Frog Fractions sequels. * * Look at this, look what I did! * Seeing snowflakes for the second time in your life. * Snow: it's beautiful, unless it's in Avery's freezer. * A frozen lake that you can just run around on and dogs love it. * Snowboarding with a kite. * Cross country snowboarding while holding a Swiffer. * Contagious ice. * 28 different shapes for the waters to be in. * A metastable high pressure form of ice. * The sci-fi lore of obscure ice. * Virtually all the ice in the biosphere. * Pauly Shore's lifetime achievement Oscar. * Why climb a mountain when you could administer a Mastodon server?
Lords: * Mark * Shirley Topics: * Egypt sweater! * * At the end of this film, are we supposed to want Indy to save Elsa? To go off happily together? (I say no.) * Kazim is the best character in Last Crusade * * Portrait of my Brother as Indiana Jones * * Sallah: The hardest brownface to swallow * Are pits of snakes effective as circus attractions? * The visual of them closing themselves in a giant box while on the motorcycle Microtopics: * A nerd of the second-highest caliber. * Working in tech on the internet. * Quality guests on a quality show. * Savage Oaf vs. Savage Oath. * Getting on Metal Archives and figuring out those bands are. * Swearing an Oaf. * Reading "Lord of the Rings" because you are pregnant. * Recommending pregnancy to someone who wants a child. * Wonder Weeks. * Your child is about the size of a mid-sized sedan. * A delightful looking creature about the size of a Micro Machine. * A sister who is a chimp and other wild shit from the 1970s. * A screwball comedy about lions living with Tippi Hedren and mauling the director of Speed. * A movie about an archaeologist who is beloved by all his students and one of them is wearing this sweater. * 1940s Egyptian Fair Isle Jumper. * Getting unprofessionally close to the professor you have a crush on so he can notice your cool Egypt sweater. * Why Dial of Destiny didn't do that well. * An entirely tolerable movie according to Mark circa whenever that movie came out. * Deploying the tense night-time action music. * Going to Fiverr and paying someone the fair value of their labor. * Elsa's a Nazi and then we're mad at Elsa. * Emotionally elevated moments between Indy and Elsa. * Proposing to your girlfriend on the Golden Gate Bridge in a last-ditch attempt to save your relationship. * The payoff of Henry Jones Sr.'s character arc. * Elsa choosing the wrong grail on purpose. * The 50 grails on the other side of the room that Elsa didn't even look at. * Coffee cup movie magic. * The expeditious nature of film storytelling. * The Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword. * Kazim falling off the dock. * Kazim showing up to beat the shit out of a kid who is spending too much time reading about the grail on Wikipedia. * The two-part episode of MacGyver where MacGyver looks for the Holy Grail. * Stealing artifacts because they belong in museums, not with the people who originated them. * Going on a series of heists to steal artifacts back from museums and returning them to their people. * Sometimes chased, sometimes chasing. * Amorak from Kalamazoo. * Love on her eyelids. * A certified Wocust. * Compensation for my brother-in-law's car. * The depiction of Sallah in Raiders vs. in Last Crusade. * Fisher Stevens in Short Circuit. * A movie you can give up. * John Rhys-Davies playing a dwarf even though he's not even from Middle Earth. * Middle Earth being flat for elves but round for humans. * A huge vat filled with undifferentiated snakes that is a circus attraction somehow. * The guy who lays down in the bed of snakes. * A 1920s-era circus putting on a performance of the play that Snakes on a Plane was based on. * Giving a garter snake to every kid who comes to the circus and if their parents don't like it they can just set the snake loose in the back yard because it's the midwest. * Not thinking to ask a question until 30 years after you've seen the movie. * Liking art that is flawed. * Dying from a recreational drug situation. * Safely ensconced in the box. * Being chased by Nazis and taking a moment to pry open a wooden crate just in case there is a motorcycle in it. * Batman scrolling reddit while hiding behind the curtain for the guy he's going to surprise coming back into the office. * Of course that's what they do, and of course it worked, because you just saw it happen and it worked. * The pitfalls of googling your own medical symptoms.
235. Ennui Golf

235. Ennui Golf


Lords: * Jenni * Xalavier Topics: * How do centaur internal organs work * What is the most unlikely horror franchise to adapt to games? * Do boomerangs work? * Serious KAAAND! * * Most game mascots are the sexual avatars of their creators * The Ted Dabney Experience Microtopics: * Rusty Lake. * An intriguing, terrifying morsel. * Whether it's okay to lie on this show. * Life Eater. * The horror fantasy kidnapping sim space. * Shippers shipping games. * How do we ship this game without destroying people? * All of the horse except for the head and neck. * Cosmetic centaur organs. * Introducing yourself to the inside of a centaur and it's extremely squishy in there. * A single multifunctional cube that births a centaur and that's the original Xbox startup video. * Speaking a language that doesn't exist and every time you finish a sentence you hear church bells. * Would a defective centaur wear a hat like this or like this? * Centaurs always standing at their standing desks. * A centaur wearing a horse mask. * Playing Wii Golf with someone who remains sitting the entire time. * Getting off the Power Pad to long jump. * Sitting golf. * My Dinner with Andre the Giant. * The monster mash vs. monster bash. * Adapting the Ghostbusters theme song to other media. * Playing as the car and running people over. * Jail for cars. * Jelly beans that taste bad on purpose. * 80s films for children that are meant to turn them into weird bisexuals when they grow up. * Jeff Minter's Dune. * Barbarella the video game. * More things you can do with your Rock Band instruments. * Sticking even more games inside of Fortnite. * The lemur with the really big eyes. * Microorganisms that live in water and have the end of a comedy roast bone for a head. * Venomousness of hybrid mammals. * Grabbing your stress ball after learning that the duck billed platypus uses electroreception to track their prey, Xalavier Nelson, Jr. * Platypus patch notes. * Adding expansions to Classic World of Warcraft. * Gauging the temperature of the room when it comes to boomerangs. * Throwing a washing machine in a circle. * How you feel when the boomerang doesn't come back. * Objects that you see on TV. * Boomerangs that instant of being carved to return when you throw them, are carved to say "help, I'm trapped in a boomerang factory" in an Australian accent when the wind whistles through it. * A boomerang with a heart on it that you throw to find true love. * Boomerangs vs. Gen-Xerangs. * Getting lazy by the time you sharpen the 7th blade on your boomerang. * Disrupting marshmallows by making them kinda good. * Hiring a game studio to make a satisfying sequel to Katamari Damacy and then immediately suing them for fraud because making a satisfying sequel to Katamari Damacy is impossible. * Getting Australian concussions all weekend. * Naming your facial hair "are you ready for the next topics" * Hi guys call anyone knows how to buy guns and armor India? * Crossposting between r/TopicLords to r/IndianTeenagers. * Weeding out the cowards with Gregorian Chant. * Looking at Glover and immediately understanding his salient sexual verbs. * The distinction between mascot and main character. * Your Sonics, your Gexes and your Crashes Bandicoot. * Switching places with your therapist. * Non-saucy mascots. * Having to pick between being horny and being a sociopath because you can't be both. * Glover vs. Hamburger Helper vs. Thing. * Opening yourself to a deeper Freudian zeitgeist. * The mascot platformer you keep seeing roms of but have never downloaded. * Blinx 2: Masters of Time and Space. * Blinx dressing up as the lead singer of Power Man 5000. * Exactly the sort of podcast segment you want to commit to sight unseen. * Being willing to give up 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand to make a friend happy. * How much do you want that Golden Microphone? * The crucible of the soul you go through to record a podcast. * People in the future deciding what you would have made a podcast about if you were still alive and making that podcast. * The Xalavier Nelson, Jr. Experience. * The dream list of developers you ask to help finish your game in your will. * Locking Albert Einsten and Genghis Khan in a haunted house and they vote each other off the show back and forth forever. * A deeply safe field for job hunting. * The Ted Dabney Experience of finding out that Ted Dabney died twelve years ago. * Mrs. Columbo. * A movie named "This Movie Has Marky Mark In It." * A game called Beyonce Battle Royale that doesn't have Beyonce in it and it's not a battle royale. (It's a clicker.) * Beyonce: Oops All Mudkips.
Lords: * JohnB * Kevin * JADES data: Topics: * Thoughts on approximately 5/12 of Don Quixote * The Time Life "Mysteries of the Unknown" Series (1987-1991) and its impact on a generation of young nerds * * * * * * Thomas Edison didn't think telephones needed to ring. He figured the caller could just start yelling "hello" at you even before you answered the phone * Desiderata * * * Is pinball meant to be fun? Can you lose a quarter at an arcade faster in a game cabinet or in a pinball machine? * * * Microtopics: * Dog ownership. * A living creature that just wanders around the house. * Picking up warm soft weird thing. * Cracking open a cold one. * Computers flush with science data. * The deepest images humans have ever taken. * Finding distances to individual galaxies. * Listicles you can peruse. * Picking a galaxy and naming it after yourself. * Bug Mars 2. * The Glass Universe. * Hiring women and calling them computers. * A guy with a lot of free time and a gold nose. * Some public domain books being more readable than others. * Pun localization. * North American otaku tilting at windmills with their katanas. * How people pronounce quixotic and how they ought to pronounce quixotic. * Whether we respect English majors on this show. * Naming a character something weird and hoping nobody argues about the pronunciation hundreds of years from now. * Butthead as Don Quixote and Beavis as Sancho Panza. * The Great Cornholio tilting at windmills. * The era of translations that don't realize Don Quixote is a parody. * Part II of Don Quixote responding to Don Quixote fan fiction. * Don Coyote. * Sending Mario Maker back to Miguel Cervantes to see what he would make. * The kinds of books your parents would have on their shelf, back when that was the only thing available to read. * The 80s resurgence of New Age thought. * Mystic Places. * The Shin Megami Tensei section in the library. * Where to find the books that teach you magic in the public library. * The canonical map of reported UFO sightings worldwide. * Books for the kind of person who thinks Aleister Crowley is cool. * The Spaceships of Ezekiel. * The JWST iceberg. * The Distant Astronomical Objects iceberg. * A tin can and a string with a battery attached. * Hello, fellow phone owner. * A phone call asking you to log into a web site and read a message. * Funny ways to answer the phone. * E.B. Games, where you can get F-Zero for Zero. * The size of fortune cookies in the 1920s. * Nice things to do and be. * Desiderata vs. Deteriorata. * Advice giving poems. * Skin cancer is mid. * Casey Kasem quitting Transformers after they wrote an episode featuring Abdul, king of Carbombya. * Avoiding loud and aggressive persons. * Pinball getting harder and more complex over the course of a century. * Baffleball. * Pinball features to make things easier for beginners. * The quickest way to lose money on an arcade game. * Tilt-sensing plum bobs. * A weird kinetic sculpture that exists just for your entertainment. * The Black Hole for Personal Reasons. * A boring and easy pinball cabinet that you can play for an hour when you want to get sick of pinball. * Tilt: The Battle to Save Pinball. * Multidisc! * Pinball tables by George Gomez. * Pinball: not actually fun, but they did their best. * Free play skee-ball. * Pacific Pinball Museum and Musee Mecanique. * Twitter forgiveness.
Lords: * Jonah * AC Topics: * When was the last time you listened to a song backwards? * Decentralized manufacturing * Are there other terms like "foodies," to describe those who are super into universal bodily functions? * The Bathroom Line, by Jesse Thurston * Playtesting legos Microtopics: * Pet Rock Dot Site * Whether rhythm is a kind of sound. * A rhythm synthesizer that produces control voltages. * All the things you could hypothetically like about New York City. * Crowded speculative real estate. * Canada's role as a fire hazard. * The power company in charge of all the wildfires. * What happened to Smokey the Bear. * Stopping for lobsters crossing the highway. * Whether Smokey the Bear died in his sleep. * Putting the oven on self clean and it cleans your whole house. * Bringing back Satanic Panic to make backmasking cool again. * Constructing a cliff that echoes backwards. * Musique Concrete. * The kind of people who would make an album in Csound. * Admitting that your music is hilarious. * Conlon Nancarrow's works for player piano. * Black MIDI. * Knowing that you should be adding a constraint to your assertion but not knowing what it should be. * If Conlon Nancarrow had only entered cryosleep. * Loading up a song in Sound Forge. * Squid Salmple. * Bluetooth: it works every time! * Virtual modular synthesizers with cool cable physics. * The etymology of backmasking. * If Wiktionary is so good, why isn't there a Wiktionary 2? * Franchising your rhythm box. * Doing each other's administrative work. * Doing a labor swap to get fresh eyes on your project. * Ubering to the trail head. * Imagine: paying rent for an office. * Poopsocking it on this family show. * The Armory. * Going back in time and having $14 million. * Selling your forehead as advertising space. * Joseph Circuit City Smith. * This man needs your help to remove his porn logo forehead tattoos. * Aspirational snake eye contacts. * Your contacts contact. * Antique sword knife bookmark charm sword knife pendants knife charms for bookmarks. * Going to the breathing club and breathing really hard. * The Hearty-Starty. * Trying to joke about a thing that turns out to just be a real thing. * A Facebook group for people who love shitting. * Blinkos and all the nuances of the ways they love to blink. * A whole world just for smelling. * How your heart doesn't stop every time you sneeze. * Green text vs. other colors of text. * The r/bluetext subreddit that's all about links to other web sites. * Nutty Gum and Fruit Spleggings. * Finding the one while in line to poop. * Going to college for like a year and one of the best things about it was the bathroom graffiti. * A chalkboard in the physics department's bathroom stall. * Help I'm trapped in the bathroom grout. * Peeing while trying to think of a poem. * Peeing your pants in the bathroom. * Don't Backmask Me, Bro. * Finding someone in a bar who wants to playtest your experimental game for three hours. * The movie Yesterday except for inventing Legos. * Following instructions as a way to fidget. * Trying to solve a difficult programming puzzle when someone comes up and starts biting you in the ass. * All the ways someone can be onboarded onto an experience. * Free HTML5 Games Tagged Idle. * Top Three Clickers. * Roguathia. * Waiting until you have more SP to select upgrades.
Lords: * Chris * Dev * Topics: * Taking Improv classes has been life changing. * Practicing 3 keyboard layouts at the same time * I bought store brand salt. You wouldn't think this would be a big deal but it turns out to be * I Once Snorted an Eight Ball with Santa, by Richie Zaborowske * * Are all creative ideas very derivative, or is it just my ideas Microtopics: * Pickleball. * Weird shapes the birdie flies in. * The sport that has level design. * Mindful breathing. * You are now breathing mindfully. * Looking forward to being at square one. * Getting the real data once you stop paying attention. * Thespians in High School. * Spinning a wheel to figure out what emotion to feel. * Whether the yes and rule only works for comedy. * Pancakes. Are. Starchy. * Being late to your job that's on fire because you were stuck behind the fire truck. * Celebrating your own failures. * How to play Lemmings in 2024. * Self-esteem. * Immediately vibing with a new sport. * Autotuning except it's completely manual. * A bunch of joysticks that you twiddle with your fingers to do letters. * Colemak vs. Colemak DH. * Keyboards that are laid out in columns. * Splitting up the typing test into QWERTY, Dvorak and Colemak. * Palm Pilot Graffiti. * The Lord's Prayer in Gregg. * Shorthand. (Originally called Briefhand.) * Good ciphers for room escape puzzles. * Are QR codes based on the mazes in Zelda 2? * Flaky sea salt vs. coarse sea salt. * Adding a biting experience to make your food more heterogeneous. * Edible chemistry. * The last time you pinched salt. * Audially-rewarding salt grinders. * Science Youtuber Hank Green. * Warning pregnant women to not eat too much salty licorice. * Supertaster-outing Tic Tacs that regular people love but supertasters immediately vomit. * We've got a level six kaiju supertaster on our hands! * The guy who gets paid too much to taste ice cream. * The kind of person who doesn't salt their food but instead repeatedly licks a salt lick throughout the meal. * Heads swirling around like snow globes. * A poem that doesn't do anything with line breaks but does do something interesting with sentence lengths. * A poem that you might read on a bathroom stall. * Wearing the little hat and pulling on the cord that makes the horn toot. * The ecology that grows around the dumpster. * The crane swinging porta potties around. * An extremely expensive way to have fun * Heading towards the era of having kids. * Asking for payment for software that is not being maintained. * Minesweeper but X. * An idea that is worth doing but not obviously worth doing. * How to make Missile Command fun in a new and interesting way. * A boxing essay with questionable authenticity. * Strategies for enjoying Frog Fractions. * Rangers and the new way they handle animals. * Yes-anding whatever ideas come to you. * Ancient primals that were interlocked in battle. * Someone thinking of an idea. * Constantly listening for cues. * What do inanimate objects do? * Buying a giant bag of googly eyes and putting them on everything. * Not posting on Twitter.
Lords: * Jeff * * Tyriq * Topics: * The shame of not remembering any good jokes for kids and having to write jokes on the spot for impatient children * What's your favorite genre to consume that you have no interest in making (or think you'd suck at?) * High Sidin' * * Poetry * * Every mammal has a fish Microtopics: * Line of sight for the fog of war. * Plugging unplugging. * How to keep looking at TikTok when your phone is destroyed. * Telling your kid that Youtube broke. * Youtube videos that teach your child how to give a thumbs up. * Having more kids because it pays for itself. * Why did the princess have no dresses? * Explaining to a four year old about the $20 Sack Pyramid. * Weaning yourself off of saying /s by saying "wocka wocka" instead. * Teaching your kids better standards for comedy. * Snow White did this and then Belle was there and Ariel was there with her human legs. * The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen but for making pie. * Looking up knock knock jokes online. * Your kid finding your secret hoard of popsicle sticks and realizing you didn't just make all those jokes up from your head. * Things you want to have made but don't want to make * Trying to surprise yourself with your own level design. * Wallowing in the stuckness. * Whether game developers know when they're making a bad game. * Playtesting the shit out of a game because you enjoy playtesting so much. * Questionable hip hop. * Thrashy hyperpop. * Full-time access to a green screen and what it does to your head. * Comedy FMV games. * Making a career out of making bad art except it's funny and having to live with yourself. * Approachable game projects. * Pivoting from making an action RPG to making a Vampire Survivors clone in the space of a weekend. * Making a bunch of efforts and they're all terrible. * Whispering into a distortion pedal. * Putting your vocals through a bunch of effects pedals because your lyrics are terrible. * Enjoying an art creation process until you get too self conscious and ruin it. * Wallowing in the stuckness. * Making art and never showing it to anybody. * A twin stick shooter that's just for me. * Game Heads. * Onlookers getting hyphy. * "Side Show" by 415. * Back when Oakland was in the 415 area code. * Turning tight ones. * Turning brodies in an intersection while commuters look at your 15-inch subwoofers. * Rogue car events. * Game: the Games and Music Experience. * A lowrider with the entirely wrong number of switches. * Whether Boots Riley and Too Short still live in Oakland. * Aspirational trailer music choices. * Car Stealth: drive around a corner and hide. * Missing Rock Band but not missing it enough to install Fortnite. * Initiating taunts in Fortnite by strumming the guitar controller. * The immovable critic twinkling his skin. * Imaginary gardens with real toads in them. * Poetry with a diss track vibe to it. * Good going, dumbass, you got into poetry. * Whether poetry should rhyme. * Discriminating against business documents. * Putting a poem on and adding a "wocka wocka" annotation after every joke. * Spending an hour searching for animal names followed by "fish" * Which fish have the thickest bones? * Buffalo Fish Wings. * A fish that is way too big and shaped like the letter D. * Is Beyonce a Nicki Minaj friends?? * Grandma's big bowl of worsties. * Energy drinks that make you want to disassemble a clock radio. * Drinking C4. * The guy you know who always has at least three Red Bulls on him at all times. * Bringing home a one-of-a-kind Monet even though you know your roommate is a Monet fiend and will eat it immediately. * The Master P of devouring Kit Kats. * The Queen of Bites and Sips. * Your duty to eat snacks before they go bad. * Eating one marshmallow right now. * The shitposty garbage that made Twitter fun. * Here's some pants pooping jokes, wocka wocka.
Lords: * Mike * Jake Topics: * Cameras are peaking -- what's next? * Is the mysterious disappearing, or just mystery? * Preschool security practices * At the Feast in the Great Hall, by Ursula Leguin * * It's not boring to talk about dreams Microtopics: * The great state of Maine. * A project you've been working on for a long time. * Inventing a game developer community in Michigan. * Meaningful distinguishers on normal camera use. * A lukewarm decisionmaking process. * Computational photography. * Samsung's fake moon. * A camera that just guesses what you want to see so you don't even need to take the photo. * A massive endless feed of the same photo with different people in it. * Why people use cameras. * Whether photos exist. * Late stages of the product category. * People who need Photoshop to do their job. * Photo mode in real life. * A photo you can take later. * Adding a filter to make the guy in the background less likable. * Meals for the Ages * How to get from here to perfect ubiquitous service surveillance. * Theatrically pretending to be hit by a stationary car. * Going to the Gallagher movie and getting sprayed with watermelon. * There's just the one Bigfoot, it's the same Bigfoot every time. * Tomato sauces that are still delicious even if you learned the recipe from the Internet and not from a grandma. * Mysterious things backing into the shadows so they can remain mysterious. * Protecting mystery wherever you find it. * The Museum of Jurassic Technology. * Stepping inside someone else's very strange brain. * Dawn Wall. * An intensely detailed exploration of the surface of a cliff. * I wonder what it's like on the fucking moon? * Who painted the iconic cover of the Wrinkle in Time paperback. * The shoot-em-up cabinet you saw in the canteen at the US Embassy in Monrovia, Liberia before the first Liberian civil war and have never been able to find since. * A reaction to the lack of organic mystery in our lives. * The Case of the Missing Hit and Searching for Sugarman. * Wash over me, True Story. * Which phone checked the kid out of preschool. * Being on the list of services the insurance companies consider to have checked various boxes. * We got pins. We can do that. * The three bad four-digit pins. * Streamlining the process of rapidly accounting for all the children. * Developing a system that would deterministically move the needle in a useful way. * Blundering in the brightness. * Telling two events from the same perspective. * Ugly crying at your desk in a public workspace. * Spending way more time not alive than alive. * Something that we can experience on either side of our lives. * A Fire Take from Jake. * Waiter stress dreams. * A skill that you can hone. * One of the more fun channels in the discord. * Holding an increasingly large bag of stuff. * Waking up laughing until you realize your dream was not funny. * The consciousness wall between you and visualization. * Training yourself to let your mental imagery be visible. * Seeing clumps of color and interpreting them. * Doing an editing pass on your dreams before relating it to your friends. * Jay-Z's favorite bleu cheese Milkshakes. * Screwball horror. * A splash of furry content.
Lords: * Megan * Lexi Topics: * Erik Satie's performance indications * * Instant food from other cultures (why isn't everyone eating maggi noodles??) * Seasonal decorations * Delhi Metro * * Becoming Immortal by being predictable * Living in different climates (e.g. my experiences with the harsh winters of Chicago vs sweltering Austin TX summers) Microtopics: * Music implementation for The Lamplighters League. * Watching a streamer play games and asking them for a turn at the controls. * How to pronounce "Erik Satie." * How to pronounce "Gymnopedies." * Finding 100 umbrellas in your dead friend's apartment. * A list of Satie's performance indications. * Grandly forgetting the present. * With your bones dry and distant. * Playing music with your forehead. * Doing something to a piano. * Your boss sending a memo asking you to work with a shy piety. * Pizzicato vs. Bartok pizzicato. * Adding the hamburger so it's not just Helper. * What instant foods are missing from your food vocabulary. * Adding heavy cream to ramen broth. * Getting an apron so you can have a little costume when you cook. * Realizing that when you wear the apron you don't get food on your shirt. * A big bib for Big Jim. * Normalizing scoop bibs. * Kraft Dinner. * Halal certified instant stir fry noodles. * Ramen in a cup or ramen where you provide your own container. * Insurance Mac. * Canned cheeseburgers. * A boring house with nothing on it. * Movable feasts. * Keeping those 12-foot skeletons in your yard and decorating it seasonally. * The beetles that clean bones for you. * Recreational Explosives Day. * A Zachtronics programming puzzle for every holiday. * A movable feast where you don't eat. * Decorating your house to celebrate Toyotathon. * Falling for strangers and their blue hair. * A poem that is long if you read it but short if you recite it. * Taking public transit as an act of defiance. * A gift that is impossible to give yourself on purpose. * Inventing a shower proof phone so nobody ever has shower thoughts again. * Putting your phone in a Ziploc bag and watching movies underwater. * Sitting down at your computer and getting stuck. * Hacking your executive function by adding friction in the right places. * Whether Wellbutrin gives everyone tinnitus or just you. * Death hacks for staying mentally connected to your dead relatives. * A service that puts your podcast on vinyl. * Using CRISPR to infect the cockroach population with 229 episodes of Topic Lords. * Moving to a land where your snot doesn't freeze. * Not trusting your own weather opinions. * Surprising yourself by enjoying seasons. * Driving in icy conditions. * Standing under the heated lamps like a lizard. * Waiting for the bus in the dark. * Learning to drive after you move to a city with public transit. * Not driving with kids. * Getting rid of all the bots. * Sgt. Pepper Bot.
Lords: * Fif * Mitch Topics: * The Ace Attorney series' English localization's naming conventions * The kissing mechanic in Bully represents both what is genius and terrible about the game * Podcast Prep Sheet Trending Guests and Topics * The Tay Bridge Disaster * * No but seriously what the hell is up with the user interface in Bully. I assume it's just a Rockstar thing? I'm only into Bully so it is a mystery * Comments that say "why did the algorithm recommend this to me" * Microtopics: * Two handfuls of times. * Something very fivey about hands. * Dependability and a detail-oriented nature. * Putting your resume in the show notes. * Naming your kid a list of two things. * A story taking place in a Los Angeles that is a satire of near future Japan. * Naming games after verbs. * Mario Push Button. * The Haiku-detecting tumblr bot. * Imagining an opinion and searching for someone who has it so you can yell at them. * All the time we have for Topic Lords. * Kissing a kissable person. (They have kissability.) * A dress-up fashion thing. * Wearing a reindeer patterned jumper to reduce your kissability. * Applying triple-A polish to a boarding school setting. * Dorms in a castle. * Hey, nice face. * Demographics based on what classes you have to take to kiss members of the demographic. * Dressing in real life like you do in a Grand Theft Auto game. * The one character in the entire GTA series that cares about the clothes you wear. * Secrets Behind the Suite: Unveiling the Hidden World behind Luxury Hotels. * Eco-friendly or Eco-fail? * Law and Disorder: how TV crime shows get it wrong. * Sending an email to yourself and it gets detected as spam. * The friend who has a lot of opinions about Homestuck. * Making your hearts for to quail. * Poems including civil engineering advice. * Good vs. bad nonsense poems. * A fun poem to read. * Paying money to engage with content. * Deliberately slipping on a banana peel. * What it says about hitting in the Banana Rules. * School administrators publishing statistics on how many banana peels you've slipped on. * Skyrim spoiling the presence of robots on the stats screen. * Watching what players do and rewarding every action they take. * A good video game is a game that has three good stats screens and no bad stats screens. * Having a question in your head and not knowing who to ask so you ask the person in front of you. * Youtube koans. * Showing content to someone who will be not that jazzed about it. * Youtube recommending a let's-play from a year ago with 10 views. * A PMV of the character you are obsessed with. * The only person who takes a the Youtube Creator Surveys. * Constantly deleting the shorts. * Posting a tweet to * Posting a link to your own videos on Youtube. * Community captions and what happened to them. * Doing annotations dirty. * Nekoneko. * Comments popping up and scrolling across the screen constantly. * Listening to a cassette tape you dug up in the desert.
Lords: * Erica * Kory * Topics: * Mystery Hunt 2024 * Developing my first video game * Wearing glasses prevents COVID * English Ending Song, by Ryoji Yoshitomi * * How to make satisfying non-violent gameplay * Microtopics: * Letting go of concepts of yourself that you believe. * Losing a concept of yourself as a person and just becoming free-floating thoughts. * 47 year old house painters. * Growing up to be a pluripotent human being. * Finding cool and positive Internet spaces to hang out in. * Excavating old Bubsy memorabilia. * Checking the maps on your telephone. * Defining yourself as someone who doesn't eat free cheese samples. * Scientists researching how to be cool and cringe at the same time. * 2023 Game of the Year Gordy and the Monster Moon. * Protocols and processes that presume that if you are good at solving puzzles then you must also be good at designing puzzles. * The humble beginnings of the MIT Mystery Hunt. * Puzzle Inflation. * Instant stooging. * People who are obligated to prevent their children from dying. * Server migration problems. * Accidentally writing the same puzzle as someone else. * Premium content for listeners who want to subscribe. * Putting sprites on the screen and accepting controller input. * Game design by proxy. * Your local Barcade with a Pico-8 cabinet. * Buttoning up a game to make it a shippable product. * Whether the knife is detecting a dork. * Butter golems. * Bugs that make games more fun. * Building a high end gaming PC and only running Pico-8 on it * I can't believe they buttered Jorts! * Meeting the guy who runs the Indie Arcade at Magfest. * Waiting 40 years for opportunities to fall in your lap. * Think Buick. * A cat that is not on the show. * Of all the exposed mucus membranes on your face, the eyes are two of them. * Projectile transmission. * Did this COVID infection rate study control for popularity? * Hitting 40 and embracing the cringe. * Wearing chemistry goggles in public. * Myopic basketball players. * Things you can put on your face to look like a superhero in disguise. * The Wario Land 4 soundtrack. * Making ogg vorbis rips of the Wario Land 4 soundtrack to put on Napster. * A gem of a poem to be hidden in a Wario game. * Playing back vocals with single-syllable samples. * Our collective dream diary. * Your dreams melting into your pillow with all the dust mites. * Everything is impermanent, especially video games. * A shocking removal of an important human from your life. * Making your peace with the time you have forgotten. * The natural high you get from blowing things up. * Throwing apples at a Snorlax until it wakes up. * Cooking games. * Matching happy looking fruits of different sizes. * Watching carefully as two peaches slide together. * Designing video games for 5-year olds on T. * Dropping things that merge in a two dimensional space with gravity. * The boy has two dads. * What can I do that is nonviolent and crunchy and interesting and solvable? * Looking for inspiration outside of video games.