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Topic Lords, the only place on the Internet where you can hear topics discussed!
41 Episodes
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Non-Euclidean Christianity

Non-Euclidean Christianity

2020-08-0301:10:16

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Ryan is @RyanIkeComposer on Twitter and @RyanIkeAudio on Instagram and is probably not working on Skyrim 2? * Tyriq is FourbitFriday everywhere and really wants to finish Catacomb Kids. * https://www.ckgame.net/ Topics: * What's a fandom you're not a part of, but kind of wish you were? * Pointless Automatons * https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/04/opinion/future-scooters-central-park.html * https://www.strandbeest.com/ * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HitchBOT * http://www.tweenbots.com * Please help reconstruct this lost pun: "vegan jazz standards" with nutritional yeast * Mallow asks: "how do you grapple with / think about your legacy? (things that sprang to mind included the relevant timeframe, obligations to the future, how/what people inherit from their ancestors, and how (self-)censorship is a way to cut off a legacy)" * Consistency of idiolect * Disfluencies providing value to the listener: http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000300.html * How can we appeal to Gen Z so when they take over we aren't executed along with the Boomers? Microtopics: * Clapping just because it's fun. * A trainwreck of three people talking over each other. * Being in a corridor and punching a weird alien. * Topic thirst. * Pokemon Snap making you even more of a pariah, if that's even possible. * Throwing apples at a Snorlax until it wakes up, like the shitty kid at the zoo. * A reverse body snatcher situation, where you're the only alien walking around in a skin suit. * Enjoying a game more if it doesn't involve collecting things. * Going to a free R&B concert every Sunday. * Going to a white small town Lutheran church which was boring and lame. * The organ coming in for particularly high-energy moments. * Somebody telling you that you are inches away from going to hell in the same basement that they just had an alcoholics anonymous meeting four seconds ago. * Having to worry about all your atheist friends going to hell. * Non-Euclidean Christianity. * Refusing to put anything in your ears to make the music be less music and going deaf for three days. * Big moving contraptions that resemble some sort of life form made out of shafts of PVC that wander along the beaches. * Having no purpose other than to exist. * Having made so many things extinct that you feel obligated to fill the ecosystem with weird new robots. * Sentient scooters running wild in New York City. * An adorable robot that can only roll forward and relies on passers-by to navigate. * Automations existing wholly outside of the human sphere. * A battlebot that got loose in the forest, a ramp rolling around the forest floor flipping over pinecones. * Wanting to believe that battlebots are real so badly that you forget that they have RC drivers. * A robot with a nuke or at least a flail. * A village of Rube Goldberg machines triggering each other forever. * Listing jazz standards except replacing one of the words in each title with "nooch." * One of those jokes that you construct for 17 people to get, but those 17 people really appreciate it. * Slipping in the shower and the last thought in your head before you die is the game of the jazz standard that makes the best nooch pun. * Not being sure whether an answer to your question is possible but proceeding under the assumption that it is. * Not allowing yourself to die until you know the answer. * Carrying around the answer to your life's question in your wallet so whenever you're ready to die you can read it and the paramedics will find you crumpled on the floor holding a note that just says "The Girl From Ipanoocha." * Just wanting to be a person who has a finished game. * Being driven to finish your current project so you can start the next one. * Realizing that just because you made a promise to finish one project, you're allowed to do other things too. * The projects that anyone can come in and finish vs. the projects that will die with you. * Not having the attention span to finish a big project unless you owe it to somebody. * Having some realizations right here on the podcast. * Convincing yourself that the thing you want to do can fit as part of your larger project. * Making music and never playing it for anybody because you're just making music because you enjoy it. * All the great artists of the past having had a record label or a church they were beholden to. * Michelangelo just deciding "this ceiling looks wack, I'm gonna fix it." * Thinking of your unpublished works as increasing your posthumous clout. * Putting your unpublished works in the attic because that's where people find posthumous art. * Selling one album to somebody in New Jersey in your twelve year music career. * Starting a patreon for people who want to support your main work and putting only unrelated works behind the patreon paywall. * Uploading yourself to the cloud and making jam games forever for an audience of nobody. * Adopting new phrases into your lexicon and letting other ones vanish. * Adopting the vocal mannerisms and vocabulary of people you hang out with. * Needing a phrase that means "diggity dang" but replacing each one after six months as you get sick of it. * Talking to someone who doesn't use "umm" or "like" and instead just pauses for the same amount of time, and never being sure if they're done talking or if they are about to headbutt you. * So-called "disfluencies" like "umm" and "uh" providing value to the listener in that they signify that the upcoming idea is more complex. * Why everyone talked so fast in the early 20th century. * Op-eds from Victorian times complaining about how young women are constantly saying "prithee" and "perchance" now. * Needing the revolution to start soon because the boomers are about to die of old age and then the guillotine falls squarely on Gen X. * Boomers writing op-eds about how Gen Z hates Gen X and millennials too, in hopes of inventing a generational divide that they're not on the wrong side of. * Giving the next generation instructions on how and why to destroy you. * The age segregation in the American school system resulting in most people knowing only people their own age for much of their lives. * Cultural generations shortening as cultural change speeds up, until twins born minutes apart are on opposite sides of a war. * Starting an Instagram to try to connect with the kids. * College costing either zero or infinity dollars depending on the letter your last name starts with.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * John * Biker Chicks Tier List. https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1591151119 * Jesse * https://twitter.com/thefringthing Topics: * Canadian Heritage Minutes * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadarm * YouTube playlist of Heritage Minutes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCWANopglXI&list=PL1848FF9428CA9A4A * List of Heritage Minutes on Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heritage_Minutes * What are your tips for collaborating with people with a higher or lower skill level than you? * Are we allowed to talk yet about how for decades all 3D games were incredibly ugly * https://twitter.com/BlazeHedgehog/status/1247200134057717760 * The website I build in high school & college is lost to the ages, or: how to reconstruct memories of your past without external records * The lost Willie Brown records * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shellac * Willie Brown - Future Blues: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An9rC8olaVY * "Grandma Blues" cover (prank?): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5F9xhKLJbXs * PBS History Detectives episode about Paramount Records: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKQbZV4lQk4 Microtopics: * Being a playable character in Frog Fractions 2. * Ranking every Biker Chick from worst to best. * Regretting not having more Canadian Lords on the show. * Still making your TV PSAs even though nobody watches TV any more. * The big robotic articulating arm on the space shuttles. * That time Quebec was going to quit Canada. * A group shot with one teen of every ethnicity and gender configuration. * Reenacting the time someone told the creator of Superman that nobody will care about Superman. * Canada's revolting safety PSAs. * Hanging maple syrup for treason. * The biggest man-made explosion prior to the invention of nuclear weapons. * Celebrating the people who people who became successful after leaving your country. * Trading on the low-key anti-Americanism that is part of the Canadian national identity. * Taking a 45 minute break to worship the military. * Deciding that an idea is important and jamming it into the brain of millions of people. * Doing your best to enjoy yourself even though you are the worst musician at this particular jam session. * The high pressure world of game jamming. * The anxiety of waiting to be picked for a sports team. * Trusting your collaborators. * Not being a mentor so much as a friend who is around to answer questions. * Feeling like you failed your tutoring student but he was pleased and passed his course, so probably it was fine. * The ongoing war between R programmers and Python programmers. * Making your favorite programming language tolerable by totally replacing the syntax. * The smoke effect in Super Mario 64 looking like the MS Paint graffiti tool. * Goldeneye slappy hands. * The difficulty of going back to the video games of the Ugly Period. * Playing old video games on an unreasonably large CRT TV that you can't move by yourself. * Using modern technology to remove the texture filtering from Nintendo 64 games. * Conditioning gamers to desire the next step in graphical realism. * An epic story with three CDs full of cutscenes. * The old movie connoisseurs who want to see only the best examples of terrible stilted 1940s acting. * Making a video game in the mid 00s and having to support both SD and HD aspect ratios. * Moving your web site from Geocities to a cooler hosting provider in France who then stops hosting web sites because of a change in French law. * A gap in your personal history where no written records exist because they were on the early internet. * Letting a web site expire because you built it on old technology that your hosting provider now charges extra to support. * A government form asking you to remember every place you've lived for the past fifteen years. * The threshold for memory sticking. * What we would do with our missing histories if we had them. * Allowing yourself to remember a period in your life and then putting it in deep storage. * The object as a record of a moment. * Dredging the river near the defunct Paramount Records factory in Wisconsin, in hopes of finding pre-war blues records. * Old blues music now being exclusively the province of rich white boomers. * Writing and recording a fake Willie Brown song to prank record collectors. * Recording blues albums so you can sell phonograph cabinets to Black folks who can finally afford nice things. * Your record company being unable to obtain shellac during World War 2, so you go back to making chairs. * Training a neural network on old blues records to recreate a song using the single shard of the shattered shellac record you found. * Finding shards of different shattered shellac records that happen to fit together, and mashing them up. * Digitizing LPs by putting them on a flatbed scanner. * That time a news broadcast showed the QR code of someone's Bitcoin wallet on screen and someone immediately emptied it. * Cutting a new key based on a photograph of someone's key ring, when it's way easier to just break a window. * Recovering ancient room ambience by analyzing the striation on ancient pottery. * Breaking a code by beating the decryption key out of somebody and not having to read any cryptanalysis white papers. * Putting fake information about yourself on Spokeo as part of your personal ARG.
A Delicious Mushball

A Delicious Mushball

2020-07-2001:08:03

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Shane is a Jesuit Regent who used to make video games. * https://twitter.com/OptimistPanda * Donate to the Jesuit Refugee Service: https://jrs.net/donate * Nathan makes games mostly about jumping and shooting 2D monsters. * https://twitter.com/MommysBestGames * http://mommysbestgames.com/ Topics: * Beforeigners (Norwegian TV show about refugees from different historical periods showing up in present-day) * Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASr0n5LnWnU * Curating your child's entertainment so they grow up with good taste * I spent half an hour watching someone solve a Sudoku and it was amazing * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKf9aUIxdb4 * Brandon asks: "Taking care of children vs taking care of pets" * Other jobs game designers would do well performing, after they leave game dev * History of changing worldviews -- not just Darwin, but things like the Big Bang and Continental Drift were originally seen as crackpot fringe theories Microtopics: * Saying your names at the beginning of the podcast and activating your wonder twin powers. * Quality inventive gameplay-driven entertainment. * Doing an earnest plug for once. * Figuring out how to make games for someone other than gamers. * Your game dev heroes being in their fifties and chasing success they had in their twenties. * Taking a vow of poverty and annoying off your wife and child. * Needing to find a patron because your art is not commercially viable. * No longer having your finger on the pulse of indie games. * Assuming the internet will be all over a particular TV series but somehow there are not endless memes about it. * Vikings apparating into modern Oslo and and solving a murder mystery. * The show about Vikings solving a modern-day murder mystery somehow not incorporating The Immigrant Song. * The American remake of Beforeigners where it's still about vikings so the protagonists can be white. * Finding out that a game is only four hours long and asking if it could be two hours instead. * Introducing video games to your child in order of release so they develop a taste for the classics. * Figuring out how to introduce your child to the Internet without ruining them. * Installing an internet proxy to protect your child from depraved porn by replacing it with videos of normal people having normal sex. * Today's teens playing Bushido Blade and discovering that it has a pocket sand button. * The classic game history situations. * Wanting your child to like all the hobbies you think are boring. * Watching a man repeatedly astonish himself at his own ability to solve a puzzle. * Feeling like you are in conversation with the puzzle designer. * Watching a movie over and over again. * Taking the smallest possible step when a problem seems impossible. * One of those Master Class videos if the person was discovering that they were a master while making the video. * A five year old taking the family car to California to buy a Lamborghini with the $3 in his pocket. * Feeling your family tree stretching out forwards into the future and behind you into the past. * Watching your child grow agency and opinions and knowing it's your responsibility to shape them. * You and the cat enjoying each other's company while the cat doesn't die. * Your kid doing something bad and everybody looking at you. * Cheering when your child goes down the stairs correctly. * Game design teaching you to see the world as systems. * Studying economics at an academic level and feeling like you're turning our game design skills inside out. * Trying to convince people outside of game development that being a game developer has taught you anything meaningful. * Being failed up to a level design role because anyone can scrub out a tile map. * Level designers getting more respect when it started requiring technical chops. * Needing a web page and getting your nephew to do it rather than paying an expensive consultant, because frankly 99% of people can't tell the difference. * Trying to write your own CSS renderer because you don't want to just make it a web page. * Trying to convince your friends that you were once a big shot in the game dev world. * The Societate Jesu having an incredible faction progression. * Giving people progressively cooler titles instead of raises. * Getting an extra year of being a priest before you die. * Doing a cool thing while you're alone and getting bummed out that nobody saw it. * Trying to throw fruits and vegetables as close as possible to the ceiling without actually hitting it. * Hating doing marketing so much that you invent a project where the whole point is that it's a secret and you'll never promote it. * How South America kind of fits right into Africa. * Hypothesizing continental drift and the scientific community telling you to fuck right off. * The lost continent of Lemuria. * Fringe scientific theories only gaining traction when existing scientists die. * Taking comfort in the fact that how people in the past were wrong but what we believe now is definitely correct and we'll never have to change our minds. * Being presented with contrary evidence and dying on the spot. * The most delicious bolus. * Eating cookie dough rather than ruining it by putting it in the oven. * The variety of textures and flavors of drinking milk and then eating cookies. (Not dipping the cookies in milk.) * The worldview shift that leads you to change your handle from Cynical Panda to Optimist Panda. * Playing Bomberman '93 with your nine year old and eventually having to explain to him that 93 is your dad's age. * An alternate-history Spock-with-a-goatee video game console. * Living in your house for 30 years and suddenly discovering three additional rooms. * Buying a NES and SNES classic even though you've been playing those games in emulation since the 90s.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Rachel helps run Glitch City. * https://twitter.com/rachel_sala * https://glitch.city/ * Natalie makes art games. * https://twitter.com/alienmelon * https://alienmelon.itch.io/electric-zine-maker Topics: * If there was another animal that was horse sized and rideable, what would you want it to be? * He-Man Sings. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32FB-gYr49Y * Chicken beauty pageants. https://www.thisiscolossal.com/2014/03/the-bizarre-world-of-chicken-beauty-pageants-photographed-by-ernest-goh/ * Would Jurassic Park be the same if the dinosaurs were depicted as giant birds instead of giant lizards and can you even be afraid of fluffy dinosaurs? Also, would your first instinct really be to run away from a fluffy dinosaur? * Daylight savings time abuse in speed runs * Zero hour game jam. http://www.0hgame.eu/ * Brad asks: "Hands-free browsing seeming great until you sneeze and close all your tabs" * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schmidtstingpainindex * If humans got an upgrade, what changes would you want to make? E.g. no pooping, only 4 hours of sleep. * Graham, who evolved to survive car crashes. https://stanflouride.com/2016/07/22/meet-graham-a-human-evolved-to-survive-a-car-crash/ * https://www.mariowiki.com/File:GBCAtomicPurple.png * Is it bad representation to put a dog in a video game and then not let you pet it? How would dogs feel about this? * The "Cool S" and the alphabet shovel * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQdxHi4Pvc * Is it morally conscientious to make sourdough, name it, and basically form a bond with it the way you would with a pet, and then eat it? Is it ok to eat something you've named and deeply care about? * What's a terrible food from your childhood that you love? Microtopics: * Living in the same city all your life. * Migrating your physical co-working space to a virtual co-working space. * Splashing around in your artwork. * A horse-sized great Dane that you ride around. * How human civilization would have been different if early man rode giant chickens rather than horses. * The most testosterone-filled Saturday morning cartoon available. * Transforming into a buff confident cat when it's time to save the day. * Chicken dressage. * Whether Poland has unicorn chickens, and if so, why didn't they put them in The Witcher. * Your giant chicken companion laying a giant egg and staring at you expectantly until you eat the egg. * Chilling out and eating bugs and vegetable scraps. * Having a pair of pliers for a face. * The stupendous cowardice of Steven Spielberg refusing to add feathers to the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. * Just how fluffy velociraptors would have to become in order to be considered birbs. * Velociraptors having been about the size of a turkey. * Being eaten by an adorable bird and hugging it from the inside. * Whether Pom Pom is about the size of a beach ball or about the size of a shoggoth. * Sitting on Pom Pom like a pilates ball, and whether he'd be into that. * An extremely clever abuse of our cultural understanding of time. * Making a video game in zero hours. * Preferring tools maintained by small communities. * Making a replacement for Flash without understanding why people like Flash. * Really giving touchscreens the business. * Whether or not touchscreens will be as good as mice and keyboards if we give them another thirty years to evolve. * Noticing a grease print where your ear touched your phone's screen during a call. * Keyboards also being excellent mirrors for how filthy humans are. * Your hands feeling like they're doing something meaningful when you touch your letters. * Starting a hobby where you touch mysterious peppers. * The Schmidt Sting Pain Index making certain stings sound delightful. * The sting of the digger bee: almost pleasant, a lover just bit your earlobe a little too hard. * The sting of the sweat bee: light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm. * The sting of the bullet ant: pure, intense, brilliant pain, like walking over charcoal with a three-inch nail embedded in your heel. * Whether the Bullet Ant is named so because their sting makes you feel like you've been shot. * Couches, where humans go. * Detaching your stuffy nose and leaving it at home until your cold gets better. * Trying to hide from your employer that you don't need to sleep. * Whether or not you'd sleep on purpose even if you didn't have to. * Switching from food and beverages to photosynthesis. * The Atomic Purple boy showing off his pineal gland in anatomy class. * Whether dogs think other dogs are good dogs. * Putting a dog and a petting interface in your game so that you can pet the dog. * Not knowing how to draw but still being able to draw the cool S. * A fantastically evocative way to talk about typing. * Trying to think of something clever and alliterative to say. * Re-learning how to make the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" hand motion when you're 40 years old. * Getting some sourdough starter in a mason jar and immediately shattering the jar on the ground before you even get the chance to name it "Gerald." * Counting the number of bubbles that your sourdough starter makes. * Eating only a small piece of Gerald each time you make a loaf of sourdough. * The yeast throwing a party while the dough rises. * An alternate reality where it's seen as good and noble to eat the dead. * Feeding your prospective lover your body hair. * Adding an egg to ramen so that it's technically healthy. * A parrot that needs to be convinced to eat fruit. * The simplest carb and fat blast you can imagine. * Feeding your parrot whatever it is you're eating for dinner. * Hot dogs and grapes being the perfect size to choke to death on. * Salad Minus The D.
Fela Cooties

Fela Cooties

2020-07-0659:36

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jay is working on an expansion to Hypnospace Outlaw. * https://twitter.com/jaytholen * Rollin' With Tholen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXZFm1FLx6E * Chris's album "The Lost Backups" will hopefully be out by the time this episode airs. * https://twitter.com/CHRISdelCAMINO * https://twitter.com/beekChiptunes * https://www.instagram.com/chrisdelcamino/ Topics: * 7:06 I'm looking for ideas for my "songwriters" "tarot deck" * The Most Wanted Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McIfIx29tSg * The Most Unwanted Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gPuH1yeZ08 * 19:05 Did CD-ROM multimedia programs have advantages over later formats (fancy websites, mobile apps, etc.) or is it just nostalgia? * Ishkur's Guide. http://music.ishkur.com/ * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ishkur%27sGuidetoElectronicMusic * 26:47 Banana Variety Box results * "The Coronavirus Is Bringing Back a 1,000-Year-Old ‘Cheese’ in Japan" https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/how-to-make-so-cheese * 33:58 Craig asks: "Picking the right speech sample for the breakdown in your '90s techno. Compare and contrast, 'I am not an Atomic Playboy' from Second Reality vs. 'Ow that hurts' from Ballz: The Director's Cut for 3DO" * Ballz. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AhNn9vB-Lw * Second Reality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJF0vUtVpCM * Legion of Rock Stars. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqSsybm3hJ5g6P7wbhfTXUkRtM1wbUFA * 2 Legit 2 Quit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YunuAiaVY * The Mollusk. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5K_w9Tbhoc * 41:23 The genres available in the ID3 tag. They look like a 14 year old just started naming genres off the top of his head and stopped when he hit 128. Where did this come from and why have we let it persist for so long? * Milton Fludgecow. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWl8phxrP78&list=PLvKD5LjgylqZhQaxtDa00t1sh19MYzB9R * 46:14 Who remembers everything2.com? * https://everything2.com/user/chrisjh Microtopics: * Adding even more Internet to your fake Internet. * Hearing someone pronounce their own name wrong in a YouTube video and shaking your fist at the screen. * Changing your name because you're just looking to make your way. * The multitude of four-letter B and K names in the demo scene. * Promoting your album because hopefully you'll finish it before this episode is out. * Dreaming your friend a horrible job history. * A pair of tongs with a sticker on them saying "Super Atheist." * The guy in the pharmacy whose only job is to not give people their prescription. * Getting your doctorate for free because you're dating a doctor. * Forgetting all about Peter Schmidt. * Buying chord pack after chord pack and eventually giving up and buying the ultra-rare G11/F# card from a collector. * An app that scans your Spotify play list and generates a list of constraints to write songs under. * A team of researchers writing the perfect song by surveying listeners about what elements of music that they like the most. * A team of researchers writing the worst possible song by surveying listeners about what elements of music that they hate the most. * A rap opera about life on the farm with a children's choir singing holiday and corporate jingles. * Breaking your jaw harp because your jaw is just too strong. * People hating different kinds of music in 2020 from what they hated in the 1990s. * The identity of the accordion player on the floppy disks Jim dropped as he was arrested by time travelers. * Round Robin Key Clicks From A Skype Call. * Waiting for CD-ROMs in the 90s being faster than modern web pages. * Clicking on Miles Davis' face and reading about Hard Bop. * A topic you are interested enough in to buy a CD-ROM about it. * Jobs paying well until investors realize they're money-losers. * One person's perspective on how all electronic music breaks down. * Information that is thorough and well-presented memetically dominating over information that is arguably more accurate but less accessible. * Finding a guide to obscure music genres and worrying that they might be magic spells. * Eating a bunch of weird bananas and deciding that all bananas basically taste the same. * Militant banana forums rallying the troops to take down Jim's boring banana opinions. * Recognizing differences between apple cultivars. * Growing up eating the Red Delicious because it's red and delicious. * Which apple cultivar Snow White ate. * The apple core as a social construct. * Why the Japanese don't like cheese when your toddler proves that it's super easy to develop a taste for cheese. * Seagulls eating rats now that humans are out of the way. * Whether or not the Ballz Directors Cut for 3DO OST is homophobic. * Analyzing the music theory behind the Ballz Directors Cut for 3DO OST. * Getting a band together and playing a song you all remember poorly and that's it, that's the album. * Having heard 20 seconds of a comedy song and not needing to listen to the remaining five minutes. * Trying to make fun of a clown. * Writing questions that generate techno samples in response. * All protocol and format technology decisions being made by 14 year olds. * Whether or not Chanson is a portmanteau of Chiptune Hanson. * The difference between Afrobeat and Afrobeats. * Not adding Shoegaze to Winamp until 2010. * A pre-Wikipedia attempt to invent the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. * Making your web that is a sequel to your previous web site, so you give it the same name but add a 2. * Wikipedia except that instead of an editorial voice it has a poem about a pomegranate. * The most popular chord progressions staying about the same for the past 20 years. * Sliding an open chord up the neck and leaving the open strings where they are. * There probably being a music theory name for the musical trick you like to do. * Counting in binary while meditating because if you just count in decimal you'll lose track when you think of something else. * A classic web app where you submit a form and the server generates the HTML you will see in response. * Accidentally lording it over someone. * Having a fake thing you fool yourself into believing is important so you can procrastinate doing it and get the real work done. * How to abbreviate Murder Hornet Keeper into a demo scene handle. * Learning German from Wolfenstein 3D.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) This is the show we recorded live at Duckfest 2020! http://duckfeed.tv/duckfest Lords: * Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/ * April is @aprilsaur on Twitter. Topics: * Befriending ravens * Just Say No. https://www.reddit.com/r/Ornithology/comments/29y31o/idliketobefriendsomelocalravensbutshould/ * What if part of the government apparatus was a PVP mobile game & billionaires willingly sent in tax dollars in exchange for units to pwn everyone else but the game was balanced so they only had a tiny edge? * Clone ethics: can you consent on behalf of your clone? What about a different person with the same name as you? * Larry asks: "Best ways to meet your own death as part of a puzzle or game" * Carnivorous mushroom death at 0:58. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=58 * My sister is doing her bathroom sea-monster themed; does anyone have unsolicited recommendations for sea monster bathroom amenities? * The badger story. * How do we survive from when we learn to climb on the furniture to when we get scared of climbing on the furniture? * The white-spotted clearwing * https://www.instagram.com/p/CBYeqqgAdrp/ Microtopics: * Plugging an activity nobody but you can do. * Eating trash out of the dumpster and fighting over dead skunk carcasses. * Recognizing jerks and being rude to them. * Feeding tiny bento boxes to nearby ravens. * Mobbing random strangers to demand a tiny bento box. * The ravens constantly pooping on your shoulders but it's ok because it's just your work shirt. * Meeting your shitting on things quota. * Befriending Odin's ravens and becoming Odin. * Being the one who operates firearms in this relationship. * Replacing taxes with a mobile game targeted at Elon Musk. * Elon Musk being defeated at a PVP mobile game by a seven year old in a Tinkerbell outfit and deciding he doesn't like the game any more so the company forms a team whose only job is to lose to Elon Musk. * Creating a GoFundMe to pay your rent while you save the world. * Whether Jenni is the raven or the game designer in her relationship. * Sharing DNA implying shared consent. * Explaining parents. * How consent works with conjoined twins. * All three hosts having a different interpretation of the listener's question. * Puzzles created in the before-times where if you solve them you see the face of god and then die. * Cool ways to die in video games. * A game that is great for people who have a lot of free time and don't have a child. * Requesting ideas for sea monster themed bathroom decorations and getting answers six months after you finished remodeling you bathroom. * A plunger shaped like a tentacle where the plunging part is just a huge suction cup. * All of your failings as a wife being forgiven by your ability to use a firearm. * Not knowing how to safely use a gun so you just kick it down the hill. * Guarding the coast from sea monsters but not being allowed to talk about it. * A shower curtain shaped like an octopus so you can paint a negative space octopus out of water all over the bathroom. * Failing to plan your sister's bachelorette party and she's still waiting to get married eight years later. * A COVID-19 Zoom Bachelorette Party eight years in the making. * Having a Mukbang instead of a bachelorette party. * Whether or not a pirate is a sea monster. * Marrying an indie game developer for the money. * Messaging your future husband on OkCupid because he thinks about Arnold Schwarzenegger wiping his ass a lot. * Being a piler of things. * Owing your wife a game about trolls but first having to train your son to be a game artist. * Skipping a step and having your child draw directly on the fridge. * Being asked to do something about the badger bothering people on the beach and making a joke about the badger badgering people. * The consequences of your county's limited animal control budget. * A badger hiding underneath the bench in the changing room. * Catching a badger with a dog catching stick even though it's not a dog at all. * Having a badger at the end of a stick. * What they call closets in the park district. * Riding in the back of a pickup truck wrangling a badger between your legs. * Carrying around a rattlesnake from a picnic area by putting it in a garbage bag and the snake repeatedly biting through the bag with venom dripping through the holes. * Restraining a snake inside your esophagus until you're ready to release it. * Latin being way older than the girl scouts. * Moving a snake with a steam shovel. * Only moving snakes where if you accidentally slice them in half they become two snakes. * A toddler smashing a drinking glass on the kitchen floor and saying "mess!" * Your child's milestones coming with commensurate levels of danger. * Hitting the ground with 1/10ths of the force as your dad when you fall. * Talking only about animals on this episode and the animal expert heckling you from the Discord. * The glass-like quality of a White Spotted Clearwing becoming revealed against the dappled light of the forest understory. * Making sure your transparent wings don't reflect light by covering them with nanopillars. * The butterfly not getting a cut of your profits from the invention you based on its wing design.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Erica is @yerrikTRB on Twitter, and is thinking about birds * Dan is @danlwarren on Twitter, and is at the Okinawa Institute of Science and Technology (https://www.oist.jp/). His soundcloud is https://soundcloud.com/danwarren. He is writing music for Hypnospace Outlaw https://store.steampowered.com/app/844590/Hypnospace_Outlaw/ Topics: * 1:58 The unreliable narrator in songwriting and/or songs where the POV character is a jerk * We all hope Ben Folds is an unreliable narrator in his song “Brick.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wt5EHAqhR1c * Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, Murder Ballads https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmzP977za2bJ8gj8pVmOxSCBNcVZjGy6D * Moby Dick is bad https://medium.com/@jayshams/moby-dick-is-not-a-novel-e19e41fec946 * George Michael was maybe not that into monogamy https://www.songfacts.com/facts/george-michael/i-want-your-sex * 15:20 No one should live in this city (whatever city you're in edition) * Chitras flies and things that sting you https://indacampo.wordpress.com/2012/10/13/why-you-should-never-fall-asleep-in-your-hammock-at-twilight-in-panama/ * Too much water all at once, monsoon edition https://www.kold.com/video/2019/07/31/watch-people-rescued-stranded-vehicle-tucson/ * https://www.kgun9.com/weather/monsoon * The cheese guy in Okinawa fills in for a clear lack of cheese http://thecheeseguyinokinawa.com/about-us/ * Richard Lenski breeds 69,000 generations of E. coli (not yeast) https://twitter.com/relenski/status/993671677748838400 * http://myxo.css.msu.edu/ * 38:51 Toddlers have incredible memories and if you put something somewhere once because you were lazy they'll remember it goes there forever * https://slate.com/human-interest/2012/04/childrens-memories-toddlers-remember-better-than-you-think.html * Here’s the AI spreadsheet: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/1/d/e/2PACX-1vRPiprOaC3HsCf5Tuum8bRfzYUiKLRqJmbOoC-32JorNdfyTiRRsR7Ea5eWtvsWzuxo8bjOxCG84dAg/pubhtml * AI evolves an organism that is tall. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-wIZuAA3EY * 43:20 Kaz asks: You guys talked about simulating people's voices, and I'd like to point out that there's been a lot of progress in this area. Take a look here for some examples: https://google.github.io/tacotron/publications/speakeradaptation * That Obama thing is called Son of Strelka, Son of God. There’s a Youtube playlist here where four of the nine chapters are illustrated/animated: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Any38uNUelM&list=PLw-jIvFxpgIDIlxOnvHr9rN2TUv87Ju_ * The album can be downloaded here: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/DanWarren/SonofStrelkaSonofGod * The Trump thing is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGYeTmHHZQM * Evolution Control Committee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DX4nsobHW8 * Negativland: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6gPSSYxex0 * Cassetteboy is one of the most active and well-known people doing this stuff nowadays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI87PRgIKks * 55:48 ANTS * Acromyrmex versicolor on the AntWiki https://www.antwiki.org/wiki/Acromyrmexversicolor * Walter Tschinkel’s aluminum ant colony casts https://www.core77.com/posts/23607/walter-tschinkels-aluminum-casts-of-ant-colonies-reveals-insect-architecture-23607 * Strangely named ant reproductive strategies https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamergate * https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/02/170217095939.htm * 1:03:39 Pokemon Stay (the opposite of Pokemon Go): what's happening to outdoorsy AR games these days. * https://pokemongolive.com/en/post/ * https://nianticlabs.com/blog/stay-safe/ * https://www.pinterest.com/pin/35114072073932236/ * http://www.birderslibrary.com/images/excerpts/kaufmanadvancedbirding/empidplate.jpg * https://ebird.org/news/confusing-flycatchers * https://www.thespruce.com/flycatcher-identification-tips-3859843 Microtopics: * Staying inside and definitely being totally sane. * Being on the Hypnospace Outlaw soundtrack but not being Seepage. * Driving people away from you and writing songs about how they're gone. * Betraying the concept of music by putting it in advertising. * Singing about the fish you're going to eat. * Listening to music for a decade before realizing it's horrifying. * Being deeply obsessed with an art form others explicitly disregard. * An eight year old singing a pop song about sex. * Assuming that a song written in the first person is autobiographical. * Writing a song about cheating on your wife and everybody assuming you're endorsing it so you write a last verse that's like "/s" * The last verse of "I Want Your Sex" being about how George Michael doesn't really want your sex. * Putting together a choreographed dance routine to "I Want Your Sex" at summer camp. * Whether Dad Jr. has anything to say about it. * An angry crowd proclaiming that Jesus is a slut. * The Robert Browning poem where he evidently thought "twat" is an item of nun's clothing and rhymes with "bat." * Describing the white whale as obsidian and ebony because you don't have the internet and can't look up what obsidian means. * A beautiful desert with amazing food where you have scorpions in your house. * A microwasp stinging your hand leaving a patch of cell death that lasts for almost a year. * The dirt being impossible to dig in so there are no storm drains and when the monsoon comes the water rises up to your windshield. * The front door's doorknob being too hot to touch in the summer. * The process of getting into a car when it's 118 degrees outside. * Sedona being much more livable than most of Arizona because it's in the mountains. * Growing up in Oklahoma where it's incredibly hot during the day and cools down two degrees at night. * Going tide pooling where there are dozens of species of snail that * A subtropical jungle with stunningly beautiful coral reefs where all the wildlife is lethal. * Going tide pooling where dozens of species of cone snails are extremely interested in your death. * A fish that looks like a rock in a stream that will kill you if you step on it. * Encountering a dozen lethally venomous animals every time you go to the beach. * Living in the Bay Area where we have programmers. * Resenting programmers but getting along with them really well. * Getting a tech job and having to practice your self-compassion. * Repping the city in the world with the biggest economic disparity. * The power company shutting your power off because they can't be bothered to keep the lines clear of trees. * Discerning the different kinds of plants that are burning in a brushfire by smell. * Being performatively off-put by brushfire smoke that smells different from brushfire smoke in your hometown. * Cheese scarcity in Okinawa. * Whether or not you're allowed to bring suitcases full of cheese into Japan. * If Gandalf really liked cheese. * The Scottish guy who sells cheese in Okinawa for $100 per kilogram. * Long grain rice connoisseurs in Japan importing basmati from California. * Being unable to export farming and food preparation processes because your are getting assistance from local microbiomes. * Japanese laws restricting rice imports so they don't corrupt the local rice microbes, but they don't give a shit about the cheese. * RNA sequencing the brine from a batch of pickles that turned out really well. * Celebrating the 69,000th generation of your yeast culture by posting "nice" on Twitter. * Toddlers learning a lesson far too well. * Telling each other stories from the spreadsheet of all the ways machine learning has failed. * Breaking land speed records by falling over really fast. * Reassembling Barack Obama's audiobook into a story about a demigod with the head of a dog who recreates the world after the apocalypse. * Reality now being more ridiculous than your satire from four years ago. * Spending a lot of time trying to identify birds. * The basis for discussion of whether something is something or isn't something else. * Convincing the people with the money that your field of study will eventually help somebody some day. * The growing sense in the world that maybe not all progress is good and maybe we should skip out on some knowledge. * The number of lines of code it takes to destroy society. * Doing science because there is a trust that some day someone will want to know your results. * Wanting a place to have a conversation about anything other than Elon Musk's kids name. * Starting a podcast and never talking about anything depressing. * Trying to transplant your neighbor's leafcutter ants into your own yard because you are a field biologist who can't go outside. * Being waylaid by ant stings because you are allergic to wasps. * Ants biting you with their mandibles, but only to hang on so they can sting you like wasps because they're technically in the wasp family. * Ants being around long after humans are gone. * Filling an ant colony with lead because humans will get more value out of a model of an ant colony than the ants get out of being alive. * Filling an ant colony with jello and having a tasty dessert. * Ending up in an ant lab and doing ant things. * Studying the effects of climate change on Pokemon. * The exchange rate between Pokecoins and Bitcoins. * Coordinating Pokemon Go raids on Nextdoor. * Asking Pokemon Go players if they're registered to vote and they answer that they're doing a raid when that doesn't tell you whether or not they're registered to vote at all. * Trying to avoid the Audubon society losers at the ornithology conference. * Birds permitting you to identify them even though they could easily fly away.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Elena is on the Topic Lords Discord and recommends https://buriedwithoutceremony.com/monsterhearts * Shannon lives in a cave and recommends https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modelland Topics: * 2:14 Lucid dreaming and/or recurrent dreams - do you have them? * Can't find the link for Dream Wikipedia here but I'll keep looking. https://wikimediafoundation.org/support/ * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utilitymonster * 14:04 Eight kinds of fun. * https://theangrygm.com/gaming-for-fun-part-1-eight-kinds-of-fun/ * Real-play podcasts: * https://critrole.com/podcast/ * http://friendsatthetable.net/ * https://maximumfun.org/podcasts/adventure-zone/ * The Kiri. https://criticalrole.fandom.com/wiki/Kiri * 30:05 Your favorite Dewey Decimal System category? * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ListofDeweyDecimalclasses * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BancroftLibrary * 43:55 NotAButtFace asks "Being 'The Guy With The Hats' to future proof your identity against going bald" * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichotillomania * 55:25 Plants * "Kale, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and cabbage are all varieties of a single magical plant species" https://www.vox.com/xpress/2014/8/6/5974989/kale-cauliflower-cabbage-broccoli-same-plant Microtopics: * Not remembering what you were going to say about the topics you picked. * Finding a tabletop RPG system to support your supernatural teen romance. * A novel written by Tyra Banks that is basically Harry Potter but for supermodels. * Being aware that you're dreaming but not having control and just being annoyed that you have to spend so long in your fake life. * Dreaming about recording a podcast before waking up and recording the real world podcast and ending up with two podcasts. * Your dream friends being rude to you because you are rude to yourself. * Realizing you are in a dream and trying to convince your dream friends to do what you want but instead they convince you to do what they want because they will die as soon as you wake up. * Improving your dream friend's lives in your recurring Disneyland dream until they have the perfect day and you never wake up. * Careening off the cliff and going "zhoop" and uncrashing the car. * Improving your dream friends' princess dress-up game by leaving the room and observing them from the security room instead. * A creepy carnival in the hills that sometimes shows up. * Remembering eight dreams in ten years. * Jimmy Wales' appearing in your dream to ask for dream money to keep dream Wikipedia running. * The real reason why there's no etymological connection between Samhain and the minced oath "Sam Hill." * Poop Stonehenge. * Ranking the eight kinds of fun. * Everybody ranking submission/abnegation last when listing what they want out of a tabletop RPG. * Submitting yourself to a ritualized task and discovering the pleasures of being clockwork. * Deciding how you want to build your treehouse and then going to fight the moon. * Whether a DM describing an axe swing exceptionally well counts as sensory pleasure. * Listening to a lot of TTRPG podcasts but not playing a lot of TTRPGs yourself because who has the time and energy to organize it? * Agreeing to role play all the people who are missing from this D&D session and immediately drowning everyone, making everything a lot politically simpler. * Remembering everything your players say so you can role play a sapient bird who can only communicate by mimicking things it has heard. * Leaving the elf in the cart because if you take him out everyone will want to interrogate him and you don't want to bother RPing that hard. * Learning how to GM in LARPs where there are no NPCs and all you have to do is set up some plot hooks and then watch the players go wild. * Saying "you are in a shed" and thereby declaring yourself the GM. * Telling people in your RPG session that they're playing themselves and they're like "okay I boot up Animal Crossing." * Not being able to relate to your younger sister because she's too young to have used the Dewey Decimal System. * Describing all of human knowledge using only ten categories. * The Dewey Decimal System no longer having classifications for Mormonism or education of women. * 000-099 being the best Dewey Decimal classification because it has the books about computer programming and UFOs and the paranormal. * Where to find cute animal pictures under the Dewey Decimal System. * Being shown you how to find something with the Dewey Decimal Drawers and being like "why wouldn't you just walk around until you find it." * Recording an episode in the library because where better to find out about topics. * Libraries being wild and raucous places now that the libraries don't shush you. * Going to the library all the time because there are Pokemon there but never going inside because they come out to meet you. * Going four floors underground in complete silence and wondering if you can still hear. * Making sure nobody is in the library shelves you're about to move before turning that big metal wheel. * Going into an anechoic chamber and hearing your synapses firing. * Going into an anechoic chamber and hearing ground hum because you needed to plug in your laptop. * Amazing 3D sound scapes that you can't appreciate because your head is the wrong shape. * Making a game that induces panic attacks and deciding you want to make a less horrible experience next. * People who do actual night dives being less terrified when playing Subnautica. * Knowing a cool guy with hats and liking the hats. * Self medicating using hats. * A twelve year old girl with otherwise extremely thick hair wearing a hat being less suspicious than a middle aged cis man wearing a hat. * Growing a beard to make up for your bald spot because hopefully people will think your head is upside down. * The pros and cons of wearing wigs. * Sending a picture of yourself wearing a wig and colored contacts to your mom and she asks "I don't recognize that friend, who is she and why is she wearing that tacky wig and colored contacts?" * Whether or not plants are so good. * Knowing how far apart to put the holes but not knowing how many seeds to put in each hole and your bok choy all growing on top of one another. * Tiling your entire yard with garden planters so you can actually fit all the cabbage you planted. * Your friends going into the back yard and getting blasted with water by the device you rigged to deter neighbor cats from digging in your vegetable garden. * Beautiful white butterflies that are wrecking the shit out of your cabbages. * All the plants that taste good technically being cabbages. * Not being able to be mad at the squirrels when they eat your plants as soon as they sprout because that's also what you were going to do.
Two-Grass Of The Face

Two-Grass Of The Face

2020-06-0859:06

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords this week: * Craig was Jim's collaborator on Glittermitten Grove. * @craigtimpany on Twitter. * https://www.mostlytigerproof.com/ * https://pinballheresies.com/ * Shannon does a lot of different stuff! * @plentyofalcoves on Twitter. * Strucci Movies. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh9DnjvObUcvvwrYbJ4-cLQ * Hbomberguy. https://www.youtube.com/user/hbomberguy * Struggle Sessions. http://www.strugglesession.us/ * Critical Bits. https://www.criticalbitcast.com/ Topics: * 2:51 What are the best attributes for a collaborator to have? The worst? * 10:45 Craig's favourite language, Tok Pisin of Papua New Guinea. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tok_Pisin#Vocabulary * 18:17 TempleOS * http://www.codersnotes.com/notes/a-constructive-look-at-templeos/ * TempleOS games. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQtLv9GizKM * 31:28 Quill asks: "What's your first memory being exposed to a computer?" * 35:30 Why faking one's non-existence might not be a great career move. * 41:32 Re: media consumption- "there are no guilty pleasures"- do you agree? * 49:26 Did you know that daytime soaps air a new episode every weekday? How is this possible? * Every episode of Passions, on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu1cfjN6h09z6ssQcRwsJ8A/videos?view=0&sort=da&flow=grid Microtopics: * Getting some emails in six weeks. * Tweeting about a book about olives and getting in touch with the author and starting a podcast about olives. * A dumb joke that you are taking very seriously. * Creating one podcast episode per olive cultivar. * Deciding that you'd rather work with people you like than talented people. * The hypothetical coworker who is sufficiently good at their job that you put up with the death of everyone who enters the room with them. * The origin of the 10x programmer myth. * Never having met a 10x programmer, but having met a 10x QA tester. * The 10x singer who sings at 10x the pitch of regular singers. * Noodling vs. deliberate, thoughtful creation. * Whether having rock stars in your rock band is worth all the trashed hotel rooms. * A language derived from Australian sailor slang. * Mouth grass. * Trying to express a technical idea without using technical vocabulary. * The correspondence between the simplicity of vocabulary and the speed of spoken language. * Leaving space for audience participation. * A language that isn't a big compost heap like English. * English 2, where every single word is a swear word. * Making an operating system because God told you to. * Making a new operating system to talk to God because you don't trust MS-DOS. * Whether talking to God has more or less stringent security requirements than a voting machine. * Which mental illnesses make you a better programmer. * Implementing Minesweeper in your new OS in case you get bored talking to God. * The TempleOS indie game scene. * The music video generator Jim is never going to make. * Reconciling how you feel about a mentally ill asshole. * Being very online and really into the N-word. * Everyone loving your forum posts about weird bespoke operating system but being less into your race war posts. * Art and technology paradropped in from an alternate timeline. * Outsider art suspension bridges. * A trash peninsula that no longer has any homeless encampments on it. * Building a castle out of shopping carts and reclaimed concrete. * The text adventure that they named the genre after. * Dad bringing home an Amiga 500 and playing Marble Madness with you. * Accidentally flood-filling the wrong place and getting really upset because you don't know about the undo button. * The cool kid with the advanced Amiga 500 who becomes progressively less cool over time because his dad refuses to get a new computer. * Seeing Doom and realizing that your beloved Amiga is done for, and Commodore going out of business later that year. * Telling journalists that you don't exist when they approach you for an interview. * Backing away from the ARG puzzle you're designing when you realize solving it would involve doxxing yourself. * Building rapport with games journalists, but taking so long to make your next game that they've left the industry. * The impossibility of building a fan following in video games after 2013. * Wearing a ratty fake mustache for your Problematic Jim alter ego. * Lying about how you made the horse talk. * Trying and failing to preserve the mystery by giving a fake mundane answer. * Finding value in a work while still being critical of it. * Becoming the avatar of embarrassing pop music. * Reclaiming "guilty pleasure" to mean something you enjoy by a problematic creator. * Society shaming you more for liking Fall Out Buy than liking a Polanski film. * What it would take to turn the average band into sex pests. * Soap opera production schedules. * Actors playing the same role for sixty years. * Not watching The Simpsons or South Park any more, but figuring that South Park must be holding up better because nobody is posting embarrassing clips of it on Twitter. * Your creative voice ossifying in the 90s and having to write in that voice for the rest of your life. * Remaining in the Garfield mines for the rest of your life when Garfield's legacy of shitposts is already secure. * Hoping that "goodbye" in Tok Pisin is a transliteration of "see you in hell."
Tandem CPAP

Tandem CPAP

2020-06-0101:04:08

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Rachel is on Twitter as @rachel_sala. Check out Glitch CIty! https://glitch.city/ * Laura is on Twitter as @lmichet and the web at http://lauramichet.com/. Check out Industries of Titan! https://braceyourselfgames.com/industries-of-titan/ Topics: * 4:10 All clothes hangers should be made of wood rather than wire or plastic. * 8:32 How do you feel about food mascots shaped like the food you're about to eat? * Will Graham discovers Hannibal's love for sweetbreads at ~3:10 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbcI6h1_bHg * 12:31 I could put any liquid in my CPAP humidifier. * 18:21 Mallow asks: "Sliding doors. Are people in favor? Opposed? Terrified of them? Feels like in the US we've converged on a kind of door that just isn't that great." * 23:48 If there was one silly skill you could acquire with no effort, like being good at karaoke, what would it be? * https://platypusegg.bandcamp.com/ * 34:08 People in different eras interpreting subtleties in media differently--for example, people not "getting" all of Shakespeare's jokes, interpreting the ending of The Wicker Man differently, etc. * https://nextworldover.tumblr.com/post/615235424343998464/patricia-von-arundel-friendlytroll * 45:07 Multi-Mario races. * World record Mario 1862 run in 37h57m. https://www.twitch.tv/videos/588944589 * https://iggmarathon.com/ Microtopics: * The comfort of a Discord voice channel where everyone is muted. * A Discord voice channel where you go to poop. * Perceiving a pun and wanting to forget it. * Being in total agreement as to whether we should discuss topics. * The hidden cost of plastic coat hangers. * Contemplating the luxury of your collection of fancy wooden coat hangers. * Never having purchased coat hangers in your life but still ending up with a bunch of them. * Accruing heavier and heavier clothing as you age. * Not needing coat hangers because you just drape all your clothes over the back of a folding chair. * A barbecue joint where the mascot is a sapient pig that is super thrilled that you're about to eat him. * Alienation from the food production process. * The weird zone where pigs are slaughtered in an alternate dimension outside our ken. * Chuck E. Cheese's real name. * The sweetest meat you'll ever eat. * Sweetmeats vs. sweetbreads. * A restaurant with the slogan "the sweetest bread you'll ever eat" and the mascot is a talking Thymus gland. * Thymus glands just being in you someplace. * Putting soup in your humidifier and saving yourself the trouble of making breakfast. * Accidentally blasting yourself with mold all night. * Sharing a CPAP machine with your life partner, like a tandem bike. * Adding a splash of bleach to your soup so it won't grow mold in your humidifier overnight. * Taking action to ensure huge amounts of water enters your body because otherwise the water will probably just sit there. * Every sliding glass door having a big colorful sticker on it because once someone ran into it and broke their nose or crashed through or both. * The worst-designed lateral thinking puzzle exacerbating your fear of heights. * All the rollers in the sliding glass door being crushed so you're just dragging a huge pane of glass along the ground. * Sliding glass doors being perfectly safe because they cannot break; they can only become windows. * Increasing the amount of natural light in your home via strategic placement of mirrors. * Holding a mirror and pointing the sun at your face. * Everyone loving your ukulele cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit, but only the first time they hear it. * Knowing how to play a bunch of instruments but they all weigh 300 pounds. * Making a xylophone out PVC pipes you found in a dumpster and playing Ode to Joy on it. * Solving this portable xylophone problem once and for all by googling "portable xylophone." * A gigantic marimba that is built into the room it's in like a supercomputer of sound. * Wanting to go on a weird xylophone tour. * Being good enough to impress people who don't know anything about that particular skill. * Wanting to play an instrument that leaves your mouth free to have a jolly conversation. * Combining our powers to identify the hexagonal pirate accordion. * Circus jazz. * Scottish peasants swaying together like kindergarteners singing a jolly pagan song as the flames approach. * Fifty years ago, being horrified when pagans burn the character representing cops and religious authority alive, but nowadays everybody owns a guillotine and worships Alan Moore's snake god. * Whether the Nicholas Cage Wicker Man being hilarious at release was inspired by the 1970s Wicker Man being hilarious in a modern context. * Jokes that modern audiences don't have the context to understand. * Works written in 17th or 18th century English needing localization as much as works in a foreign language. * Not linking to an edifying Tumblr thread because Tumblr's threading is the worst. * People in the 1940s just talking like that actually. * Movie actors finally learning to act sometime around 1950. * Staying awake for 38 hours to get every star, moon and shine in the 3D Mario series. * Our failings as adult humans. * Doing game jams where you actually sleep. * Scoping your game development project to allow sleep during development. * Romanticizing the idea of staying up all night doing something fun because now you're an adult with adult responsibilities and shirt resilience. * Not being able to justify doing something for fun so you tack on a charity drive. * The shifting sense of what's important and what's moral that defines the human experience over time. * Whether or not you could pay us to play World of Warcraft. * Your guild leader getting in fistfights all the time and eventually going up jail and appointing you temporary guild leader because he doesn't realize you're a woman. * Training your brain to be okay playing just one video game for a while. * A hat that is so ugly you had to give it to a friend. * Giving your goth dog friend pastel outfits to wear on Bunny Day. * Lamenting that there is no other place or time to discuss topics.
seedhutch.horse

seedhutch.horse

2020-05-2554:57

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/ Topics: * 2:42 Suddenly Anxiety and OCD are culturally adaptive behaviors. * 8:16 Opening negotiations with your real-life employer to get them to pay you in Nook Miles * 13:44 Animal Crossing speed runs * Animal Crossing 100% in 19h25m. https://www.speedrun.com/ac/run/y21ejk7z * Animal Crossing New Horizons All Debts in 1h52m. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdH-pj1ZUac * Super Mario Sunshine Lockout Bingo at AGDQ 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch3eSzem1v4 * Animal Crossing Lockout Bingo. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hhgu-fObME * 20:23 Gary asks: "Printing Toilet Paper at Home" * How to make paper out of blue jeans. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPdZPvMVMZk * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChankDiesel * 26:54 Owning 5.25" floppies & suddenly having to be aware of magnets again as a threat in your life * Masquerade. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masquerade%28book%29 * France's 25-year treasure hunt for a golden owl. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-45005072 * 32:20 Apocalypse gardening and warlord potential * 37:52 Amazon took Murder She Wrote away from us * 47:07 Winding up with more social obligations than you had before quarantine Microtopics: * Being confident in your recording setup because you're too lazy to verify it. * The old lady who lives in your ductwork who you can't hear because she only shrieks exactly when you're talking. * Finding out about the apocalypse from a podcast recorded months ago. * The subtle distinction between self care and overeating. * Feeling better about your anxiety disorder because the world has gotten worse to meet your mood. * A behavior that looks maladaptive but must secretly be awesome because it has survived for millennia. * A poltergeist that keeps turning your stove off. * Worshipping gods that turn out to be evil aliens. * Trying to make "Christian Splinter Faiths" scan to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme. * Going for the cosmetic upgrade before the inventory upgrade and causing your partner physical pain. * Clearcutting the entire island you're visiting because when you leave it will cease to exist. * Harvesting trees in a checkerboard pattern because they grow better that way. * A financial startup specializing in converting British pounds to Nook miles. * Putting pounds and dollars in the same bank account and they crossbreed while they're in there. * 100%-ing Animal Crossing as fast as possible. * Speed runs that are entertaining to describe but not to watch. * Bingo races as the improvisation-heavy antidote to rote speed runs. * Forcing Caleb Hart to livestream Mega Man X any time anyone listens to this episode. * Feeding toilet paper into your inkjet printer to create a cool pattern to wipe your ass with. * Using Silly Putty to copy the stock market info from the newspaper. * Not being able to print toilet paper with your 3D printer, but printing a bidet instead. * Running out of toilet paper and 3D printing corn husks. * Buying the Taco Bell Grande Meal to eat the beans out of the burrito and then wiping your ass with the corn tortilla and wax paper wrapper. * Skipping a step and putting the burrito right in the toilet. * Introducing an awesome person to your friend and then ruining them in the very next sentence. * The outside of the printer paper protecting you from the horrifying inside of the toilet paper. * Pulping spare blue jeans to manufacture your own artisanal toilet paper. * Figuring out how to put your front yard in your back yard to hide it from the HOA. * Reporting your neighbor to the HOA for weeds in the middle of a global pandemic. * Getting notices from the HOA that you need to power wash your driveway and power washing the words "fuck you" into it. * Confusing Day of the Dead and Cinco De Mayo because they both happen in the same year. * An object you need to keep safe from magnets. * Advice on dealing with floppy disks in the Year of our Lord 2020. * Something in France that hasn't been found yet. * A Wikipedia list of things that have not been found in France. * Burying a microtransaction-heavy game in the desert and hoping the person who finds it is a whale. * Throwing a microtransaction-heavy game into the ocean and it traveling back in time and Captain Ahab hears about it and becomes obsessed with finding the whale who owns it. * Trying to think of a really big expensive home and your brain coming back with "a bucket!" * The train stopping slightly and thinking "maybe society is breaking down" and then the train starting again and thinking "I guess I'll just go to my boring job." * Part of you wanting to live in interesting times and be part of historical events. * Bringing your axe made out of a sharpened hubcap to work because Phil's allowed to bring his Leatherman. * Not being able to train to be a warlord in the post-apocalypse because during the apocalypse all the MMA gyms are closed. * Realizing that Amazon Prime Video doesn't have Murder She Wrote any more and wanting to just burn it all down. * The magical time in your life when you thought Netflix's selection of streaming video would only keep getting bigger. * Conflating Murder She Wrote with the Golden Girls. * Deadpanning ridiculous things that happen in St. Olaf, Minnesota. * Angry texts from your mom about how you ruined Murder She Wrote by telling her about the theory that Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer. * A big city businesswoman looking to take over her parents' failing Christmas ornament shop. * CG compositing Christmas ornaments into the background of every shot of Golden Girls. * Everybody playing online games all the time now because their extrovert friends have figured out the Internet. * Extroverts agreeing to watch speed runs with you because they're desperate to talk to anybody. * Finding an eight hour smooth jazz video and eventually realizing it's two minutes of smooth jazz looping for eight hours. * Trying to solve playing music with friends over the Internet. * Solving the problem of jamming with friends over the Internet by only playing music with precogs. * Sticking it to the HOA by dressing up as a weed and when they come by to report you, jumping out and yelling "I'm no weed, I'm a guy!"
Century Of The Fruitbat

Century Of The Fruitbat

2020-05-1801:11:46

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Chris will find you. He is working on Core Editor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RyUjnpyJY4 * Chris is @MrChrisLHall on Twitter and is working on https://www.adventurelab.fun/ Topics: * 2:07 Wikipedia descriptions of fighting game stories * The Rad Project. http://web.archive.org/web/20070406100535/http://www.flammie.net/vse/things/rad/index.htm * 13:05 Is there a 21st century version of the thank-you note? * The Double Disappearance of Walter Fozbek. http://bookembob.blogspot.com/2011/07/double-disappearance-of-walter-fozbek.html * The Selective Attention Test. https://youtu.be/vJG698U2Mvo * 26:27 I'm pretty sure I could write a book about anything * Dolphin flip in slow motion. https://youtu.be/37C1KOSgTAk * 32:49 Kevin asks: "Tom Nook: Robber Baron or Captain of Industry?" * 38:37 Melodica purchased online * 48:43 Ursula Vernon is rad * Weird fruit gallery: https://www.deviantart.com/ursulav/gallery/7872409/weird-fruit * 57:01 Peering in on skateboard culture from the outside * So Deep + juggling pins. https://youtu.be/9pvzWY-lSRw Microtopics: * Risking sounding like a corporate shill. * Whether or not Wikipedia is pretty great. * Wikipedia's editorial tone when describing ridiculous stories. * Finding a video embed in the middle of a textbook page and trying to press it. * A book with squiggle underlines wherever the author screwed up. * Having to come up with narrative justification for 500 one-on-one fights in a row. * The guy you just kicked off a cliff offering you cakes because nobody should have to fight on an empty stomach. * Your pet frog jumping on a box in your back yard marked radioactive, growing to massive size, then jumping down a huge hole that is also in your back yard for some reason. * The Japanese version of the wacky frog tank story just being factions at war in the post apocalypse. * Mega Man except you are a gnarly wizard instead of a robot. * A floating Buddha named "Surprise" shooting you in the back. * If Astro Boy were a mailman. * Merging the wacky frog tank story and the post apocalyptic war story into a single canonical timeline in the new Switch release. * Writing on paper made of trees with a pen and it's 2020. * Writing a thank you note when a relative hands you a twenty dollar bill. * Writing a jam game for every special occasion because it's more fun than writing a card. * The correct plural of Magnum Opus. * Returning to Lazy Land. * The videos you like best inevitably being taken down due to copyright strikes because that's the world we live in now. * YouTube telling you that some videos have been removed from your playlist but not telling you which. * A digital representation of what it's like to grow old. * Making a USB drive ark and taking two of every genre of music. * Your Google ad profile gaining sentience and making credit card purchases behind your back but also getting a job and making your credit card payments on time. * Going to work and nobody remembering who you are. * Going into the office wearing a gorilla costume and eventually sending in a gorilla to do your job and it turns out the gorilla is better at your job than you are. * Using a gorilla Snapchat filter on a gorilla to make it look like a human who's trying to look like a gorilla. * Waking up in parallel dino world where everyone is a dinosaur and your dinosaur twin waking up in human world where everyone is a human, because you both had a mad scientist neighbor. * Making a note of how to disguise yourself as a dinosaur because you never know when you'll end up in dinosaur world. * Doing a face swap with your cat during the conference call so everyone is too horrified to notice the gorilla in the background. * A pedalboard except it's Instagram filters. * Chaining Instagram filters to create a truly epic fursona. * Reverse college, where you get paid to forget things. * Getting paid a dollar per paragraph about skateboard tricks. * A varial kickflip except instead of splitting the axes of rotation between your feet, doing all the rotation with your front foot. * Writing a book with your 18 month old and it's just the words poop, ball, bath and meow over and over and over. * Your toddler growing up to discover axes and cops, like leaves changing colors in autumn. * A raccoon who is very friendly and has taken a lot of your money. * Whether Tom Nook is a slum lord. * A dog with five fingers, an apron, and a whole lot of bells. * Being in debt forever because your landlord keeps building you a bigger and bigger house. * A 100% speedrun of Adobe Photoshop. * Adding achievements, particle effects, and screenshake to Visual Studio. * Two melodica players coincidentally bringing their instruments to the same party and locking eyes from across the room. * Cheap, portable musical instruments you can have with you at all times and practice with at the drop of a hat. * A tube with six holes in it. * Penny whistles always being in D because it's one more than C. * Wikipedia diving deep into the lore of each musical scale. * The cute face of the otamatone being almost assuredly more entertaining than the notes you play with it. * Penny whistles with a conical bore staying in tune better than cylindrical ones. * The monomyth of the boy who sneaks up on a seal while she's bathing and steals her skin and she turns out to be a beautiful human woman and now she has to marry him. * The origin of the pear-with-teeth meme. * The Biting Pear of Salamanca. * Whether anyone named Ursula is still alive today. * An interesting reaction to discovering that your daughter is made of birch bark. * A dead whale falling to the ocean floor and feeding scavengers for years. * Spending your whole life waiting for a whale to die. * Zombie worms growing like flowers in the lightless garden of a sunken whale corpse. * A tiny kobold fondling an eggplant. * Giving your wife a picture of a fruit with teeth for her birthday. * Your skateboard being stolen twice in the same day. * Angsty skateboarders lashing out at the world around them via sick kickflips. * Fighting everyone around you being morally equivalent to fighting no-one. * A nine year old girl in a tutu doing a double heelflip. * The cost of skateboarding being measured in hospital visits, especially when you are 40 and overweight. * Wearing an inflatable dinosaur suit and skateboarding in a bounce house for maximum safety. * Wanting to get into skateboarding but you're scared of dying and none of your friends have trucks. * Hacky sack looking fun but actually it's a lie built on a throne of falsehoods and pain. * Narrowing an artefact's origin down to the Century of the Fruitbat. * Musicians dancing while they play just to show off that they are good enough at music and dancing that they can do both at the same time. * Being entirely out of both topics and lords.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is on an internet break but you can email her at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Gary is @GaryBuh on Twitter and does podcasts at the Duckfeed network. http://duckfeed.tv/ Topics: * 1:41 How did people decide to eat certain vegetables, even though they don't look like food and sometimes taste like shit? * 4:18 Stephen King writing about boners (there is a Tumblr) * https://stephenkingsboners.tumblr.com/ * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald%27sGame#Plot * 12:28 Airplane respiration strategies * https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/05/explore-transparent-plants/ * 16:45 Being resourceful when you don't have the correct tool. For example, I recently unblocked a toilet by using a mouse pad in place of a plunger. * 23:28 Replacing combat in video games with other stuff to slow down the pacing * 33:27 What age were you meaningfully aware of your mortality? Did something happen? * 38:06 The MT-80s MIDI boom box * https://twitter.com/cabel/status/979097369936502785 * https://vgmusic.com/ * 48:21 Things that you do so people will think you're an adult but you can't figure out if there's another purpose for doing them * 55:10 You can only listen to one song for the rest of eternity, you don't get to pick. How much money would it take, what song is the worst. * Gunhouse trailer with the title screen jingle I was talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB0yAm6iXEw * Here's a better trailer for a later version of Gunhouse, with better music FWIW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzokB1821Mw * Tony Hawk's Two Second Music Loop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uofB1Y1gOk Microtopics: * Goin' Polodna. * Goin' Polodna but bein' named Butterfield. * Only car thieves remaining. * Giving your guest a hard time for plugging something when you just asked them to plug something. * Being inspired by an eggplant you once had. * Stockholm syndrome but for vegetables. * A color that doesn't exist on earth. * Trying to cook every substance for every amount of time because you don't have Netflix. * Laundering a horse through a book. * The pe-noose. * Trying to Google which Stephen King book had the necklace of penises. * Deeming a penis to be a boner. * Looking upon a pubic hair topiary and despairing. * Sculpting the day your paramour will die into your pubic hair on the first date. * Fred Meyer's daughter, J.C. Penney. * Not having any particular insight into this boner blog. * Being a little bit hornt up despite being trapped in a Fred Meyer by the murder frog outside. * Whether or not "pud" is short for "pudding" or indeed anything. * A zoetrope showing Goofy pulling down his pants every 7 seconds. * A plexiglass box that is big enough for your head and a fern. * Hacking the oxygen mask to come down when you just need a hit. * Sprinkling some foliage on your head to make it look like the fern next to your head is just a lump on your face. * Sticking your head in the fern box under the seat in front of you and painting your face on your pants so your butt can wear the oxygen mask. * The tactile sensation of unclogging a toilet using a mouse pad. * The best water level for plunging a toilet. * Needing an articulated arm like Krang's to plunge the toilet from around the corner. * Trying to guess the Game Boy games being used to prop up a projector. * The Podcaster's Dilemma. * Maligning the Final Fantasy Legend series. * Deciding that your punishment will be a good night's sleep and a stern toothbrushing. * Playing Final Fantasy Legend while you brush each other's teeth live on AGDQ. * Asking a question that you'd already answered in a previous episode and just copy-pasting the answer from there. * Not being in good enough shape to sleep everywhere. * Ripping through the topics and needing to dip into the extended bucket. * A gigantic bucket of shelf-stable potato soup that you save for the end times. * Setting up a P.O. box so your listeners can send you a big pile of food and toy cars so you can not eat for a week and then eat an enormous megameal. * A Visual Studio plugin that lets you play text adventures anyone while looking like you're at work. * Pressing the boss key to hide that you're playing an ancient video game and your boss asking you why you're writing emails in Word Perfect 2.0. * Having a child to reduce your mortality anxiety. * Having a child so they can do the heimlich when you choke on a ham sandwich. * Subtweeting your cat. * Not being meaningfully aware of your mortality but still making decisions based on not dying. * Overcorrecting and turning into a maudlin fucker. * A boom box with a floppy drive playing canyon.mid. * A product with no conceivable audience except the nerds who will think it's cool and nostalgic thirty years from now. * Opening a cabinet and your coffee mug singing the Zelda "you found the thing" jingle. * The intentionality of listening to music in the most inconvenient way possible. * Listening to music and lighting random pieces of paper on fire. * A very zinelike activity. * Independent movie theaters all vanishing in an eyeblink. * Filling the delivery tube with potato soup and sending it to the bank teller. * Chuck E. Cheese classing it up with woodfired, chef-inspired pizza. * Getting carryout from the Chuck E. Cheese and your chef-inspired pizza coming with a side of orange spider rings. * Sleeping on a mattress on the floor for years until your new girlfriend insists you get a real bed. * Putting a tennis ball on top of the screws you're supposed to attach the footboard to so you know where to park your keister. * Your migrating bedframe, a keter-class problem in the bedroom. * The one time it makes sense to have a strong opinion about someone else's bed. * Wiping down the incision site because if you get an infection after you die it's just never going to heal. * Only being allowed to listen to one song for the rest of your life. * The one song you're allowed to listen to also replacing music you hear in your head or anything you sing. * Trying to sing Happy Birthday to a co-worker but it always comes out as the chorus of "Selling the Drama" by Live. * All music in the world being replaced by the Intel Inside jingle. * The Zelda item noise secretly being the same as the Addams Family theme song. * Going to a concert and suddenly the band can only play the song you are cursed with. * The CIA discovering your musical curse and studying you on the dissection table like in Project ALF. * $10 million per For Fighting.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * April is a beast lord and Jim's wife. @AprilSaur * Ryan is somehow also Jim's wife? @RyanIkeComposer Topics: * 3:56 The "spigot question" Jim keeps avoiding. * https://norse-mythology.org/gods-and-creatures/others/hugin-and-munin/ * A second person may be "cured" of HIV. https://www.vox.com/2019/3/5/18249607/hiv-cure-2019 * 13:05 New Decade reading resolution. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TheWitcher * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SeananMcGuire * http://www.scp-wiki.net/antimemetics-division-hub * I personally recommend starting with "Introductory Antimemetics," which is a good intro to the concepts, then everything starting at "Case Colourless Green," which is the main storyline. * https://shadesofmagic.fandom.com/wiki/ADarkerShadeofMagic * 22:54 What does the Nakatomi corporation do? * http://www.scp-wiki.net/ * https://movies.stackexchange.com/questions/33713/was-nakatomi-corp-involved-in-illegal-activity * 31:07 Favorite zoo animal. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embryonic_diapause * 40:07 What sandwiches are better suited to a straight or diagonal cut? * 44:28 I stayed in a hotel in Florence in 2009 where our room had a private bidet but the whole floor shared a toilet. Microtopics: * Making a good dad joke on twitter. * The ravens that have been building a nest behind your corpyard at work. * The squabbling raven couple next door. * Being the neighbor who didn't call animal control. * Trying to remember the names of Odin's ravens. * Distributing podcast episodes in a post-internet wasteland. * The kid in middle school who guessed you were from New York because of how you say "basketball." * Why Jim is such a coward. * Reaching deep into the topic bucket and pulling out a black ichorous monster. * A garden hose spigot installed in your butt such that poop sprays forward instead of down. * Bodily fluids canceling each other out when you miss the toilet and so you just end up with a wet wall. * Liking ketchup so much you CRISPR a biological ketchup dispenser into your elbow. * Accidentally triggering your ketchup hands when you're icing a cake. * Putting a cap on your ketchup elbow so you don't drip ketchup everywhere. * Whether your new dispenser is a squishy flesh hose or a brass steampunk spigot. * Reframing your fleshy protuberance that shoots someone else's blood to sound scary and eldritch. * A spigot that shoots liquid money. * Making up for your horrifying blood pranks by giving blood. * Whipping blood into stiff peaks. * Carnivorous merengue. * Using science to make human blood safe to eat. * Letting the listeners hear the good podcast juice. * Falling down on your New Year's resolution starting in March. * Watching the Witcher show and then reading the Witcher short stories it was based on and knowing exactly what's going to happen. * Alchemy and math and words. * Whether or not reading on a screen still counts. * Reading your driver's license every night before you go to bed. * Getting hungry immediately after the body spigot discussion. * Being over your meal by the time you're done cooking it. * Assembling duck a l'orange ingredient by ingredient in your tummy and by the time you finish cooking it you're like "I've already eaten this." * Something standing right in front of you that you can't perceive. * Deciding not to read scary stories to your wife right before bed. * Getting ready for prose form, motherfuckers. * Trying to remember someone's name and only remembering that they have initials. * Medieval fantasy Londons and their relationships to magic. * Reading ahead in the tabletop adventure book. * A vault with 8 different kinds of locks on it, filled with non-negotiable bearer bonds. * A regular bearer bond except you can't negotiate for it. * A non-negotiable bond except you can hold it. * The database documenting the contents of the warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. * Manufacturing tiny toy guns and not being able to fight back against terrorists because your guns are too small. * Explaining why your tiny gun manufacturer has a money basement. * Tiny toy guns using only the tiniest gunpowder. * Writing the first season of your mystery show with the certainty that it'll be canceled after one season. * Having to figure out what polar bears are after your show gets renewed. * When a duck decides to start whispering its quacks. * The most convenient jaguar. * Biting each other in the face and having a good Bear Time. * Bats' closest relatives being humans because all their other relatives died. * Delaying gestation until everyone's pregnant at once. * Bats all giving birth at the same time and overwhelming the health care system. * A zoo except for the sea. * Watching a jellyfish enclosure and asking "what are they doing in there?" * Plastic bags floating around in the sea except they're alive and they'll still be alive after you're dead. * The universe being a big stupid donut. * Nobody giving a shit that you read Great Expectations. * Garfield being the great literature of the coming era. * Allegorical lasagna. * Caramelizing all your onions at once. * Cutting your sandwich into a pair of rhombuses. * Sitting on a stack of the most prestigious award in the country. * Figuring out what axis you can cut a hamburger on diagonally. * When the burrito guy folds your burrito wrong and the first bite is entirely sour cream. * Burrito Gaia, filled with loam, mantle and magma. * Naming your next kid after your least-favorite burrito. * The food dictator making you a cup of Crispix when all you wanted was grilled cheese. * The puzzle with the farmer trying to get a hen, fox and grain across the river except it's your butt, your poop, and a jet of water. * Taking it to squirts-town. * Building a hotel before they invented the combination toilet/bidet. * The french word for when you take a dump in somebody's bidet. * Hygiene strategies if a bird poops on your butthole. * The nose being an evolutionary strategy to protect our mouths from bird poop. * Dunking your whole ass in the ass-height sink. * Just making zoo noises until you've reached the required minimum podcast length.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jesse is @thefringthing on Twitter. * Avery has a Facebook somewhere and if you find it you can ask him whether he's playing any live shows. Topics: * 2:03 Math problems that are easy to explain but unsolved or unsolvable. * https://www2.stetson.edu/~efriedma/squinsqu/ * 13:28 The list of Mr. Potato Head's accomplishments on his Wikipedia page makes him sound like a real person who was perhaps an ambassador. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr.PotatoHead * https://www.ashrita.com/about/ * 23:36 Hypothesis: a steadily tedious job becomes bearable when you procrastinate and then do it in short, frenetic bursts * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fishladder * Salmon cannon. https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/animals/a28678200/fish-tube-video/ * 35:25 Kaz asks: your conversation about language changing to people's misunderstandings reminded me of how "pitted" olives have no pits in them, and how "inflammable" is confusing, so "flammable" was coined. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto-antonym * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunkedterm * 44:33 Theory: humans are unconsciously driving the evolution of some kinds of small birds toward cuter features and behaviors. * Samurai-lookin' crab. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heikegani * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BattleofDan-no-ura * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepperedmothevolution * 48:10 The "Please Call Stella" accent database * http://accent.gmu.edu/browselanguage.php?function=detail&speakerid=145 * WMAC Masters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqJSKeBKCM0 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XFL(2020) and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XFL_(2001) * Slam Ball TOP PLAYS. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PPuV7jK33k Microtopics: * Writing a song and realizing that you just wrote Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies by mistake. * Not the coolest thing to accidentally be ripping off. * Rapidly shutting down the entire idea of introducing yourself. * Continuing to talk about about how mysterious Jesse is. * The question of whether a problem that has been proven unsolvable is as solved as it can be. * Asking two people to simultaneously explain Goldbach's Conjecture. * Four followed by more zeroes that would be in a trillion. * Determine whether the RDA of Iron is a multiple of two primes while choosing a can of soup. * Hitting the last prime number and running out. * Paul Erdos' advice for dealing with aliens who request Diagonal Ramsey Numbers. * Avery's favorite math proof. * Explaining to your bosses that your current task is technically uncomputable. * Not being able to elaborate on packing arc segments because biotech analysts might have you killed. * Yelling excitedly about graph isomorphism at the gym and tripping the Lunk Alarm. * Disappointment that Mr. Potato Head doesn't have an honorary doctorate. * Mr. Potato Head's presidential physical fitness award. * Potato cannibalism. * Most Votes For Mr. Potato Head In A Political Campaign. * Everyone who has finished Super Mario Bros. 2 in front of a Twin Galaxies representative. * A strange man lurking behind you while you play Mario, writing down your score. * The guy 120 Guinness World Records, or 119 if you don't count the "Most Guinness Records Held At Once" record. * Potato sack racing a yak across the Mongolian desert. * Most Yaks Raced Through The Mongolian Desert. (1) * The near worldwide tie of Most Guinness Records Not Held At Once. * Walking using shovels as stilts. * Most balloons inflated to inches in one hour. (671) * Slicing potatoes while hopping on a shovel. * Inheriting two shovels from your uncle's estate and trying to figure out what world records you can set using them. * Longest distance continuously somersaulting. (12 miles) * Whether cartwheeling for 12 miles is more strenuous than somersaulting for 12 miles. * Jumping on a pogo stick until your O2 tank is depleted. * Sleeping holding a brick. * Most Injuries Not Incurred Trying To Break World Records. * Trying to remember Fish Ladders but being derailed by the Fish Cannon. * Taking a break from counting fish. * Not performing any medicine for 10 hours and then in the next hour frantically performing 10x as much medicine as you normally would. * Buying a short-range electric car to teach yourself to plan better. * Being really confused by the turtle appearing on your dashboard and then the car turning off. * A dashboard light that's like the no smoking sign except instead of a cigarette it's a picture of your car. * Sneaking onto a billionaire's estate to furtively charge your Nissan Leaf. * Looking at security cam footage and seeing that you gave electricity to Doctor Who in a time of need. * The incredible variety of charge ports on a Nissan Leaf. * Having trophies ready to distribute as soon as you're allowed to leave the house. * Ordering yourself a "best attitude" trophy. * The gradient of a trophy's meaninglessness. * Ordering a bunch of trophies from Crown Awards and subsequently every ad you see being for Crown Awards. * Delving too deep into what a trophy is until it loses all meaning. * Realizing you could've ordered trophies better and throwing your existing trophies in the trash. * Passions being both flammable and inflammable. * Words that have changed meanings because of persistent misunderstandings. * Having a story about corn husks. * Holding a corn husk in the grocery store and saying "Ah! Corn husks!" * Explaining to schoolchildren that they used corn husks to wipe before toilet paper was invented but the children don't know what husks are so they assume you mean corn cobs. * Not eating the crabs that look like your forefathers. * Paying more attention to cats who cry at the same frequency as human babies. * Not eating the moths that look more like the soot-covered trees they're hiding on. * Sphinx Of Black Quartz, Judge My Vow except for the IPA. * Comparing accents visually. * Inventing new accents to compensate for accents merging into each other. * Having a particularly grating way of speaking and blaming it on being from San Francisco. * Your dead relative not listening to this podcast. * Whether or not Dragon's Lair is a pun. * Yelling like a soda jerk when the order is ready and nobody coming to pick it up because they can't understand what you're saying. * The British TV show that Sanford & Son was based on. * Memorizing your favorite carnival barker pitch and reciting it unprompted at family gatherings. * Field recordings of carnival barkers from the 1950s. * Pro Wrestling somehow retaining its weird 19th-century carny-speak for over a century. * Channeling the dark energy from your urn while you fight Hulk Hogan. * WMAC Masters, the martial arts tournament series with health bars on the screen. * If Undertaker and Hulk Hogan were trucks. * Hockey except you play it with a basketball and there are trampolines on the floor. * Taking basketball and making it extreme. * Sitting around until one of you thinks of a way to end the show.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords * John Mystery lives in Maryland. https://googlethatforyou.com?q=john%20mystery%20maryland * Nelson is making An Airport For Aliens Currently Run By Dogs. * @WritNelson on Twitter. * https://www.patreon.com/StrangeScaffold * https://store.steampowered.com/app/1246250/AnAirportforAliensCurrentlyRunby_Dogs/ * https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/epic-pictures-launch-gaming-venture-1289270 Topics: * 6:15 My worst fear as an adolescent: gravity reverses while I am in the family car on the 110 and I am flung into the sky at 9.8m/s^2 * VVVVVV https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf06P-1lkU * 15:31 Kaiju who should know each other, but don't. * I'm pretty sure the male description of the RBLD dating persona is actually suggesting you stop dating entirely. * The Wild Rose: https://web.archive.org/web/20141031024714/http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=RBLD&g=0&o=1 * The Manchild: https://web.archive.org/web/20141024161727/http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=RBLD&g=1&o=1 * 21:52 This Arkanoid TAS: * http://tasvideos.org/6347S.html * The "Super Mario World vs. the Many-Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Physics" video has been taken down but here's the original blog post: https://msm.runhello.com/p/20 * And here's a similar video that gets the idea across. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIb2F7OLQJw * 30:39 Yuri asks: "I was wondering what you and your fellow lords do to warm up prior to getting started on some creative thing. Does it change comparing coding to making music, drawing, crocheting, etc.?" * Gunhouse, on sale on Switch for $1 until April 26th! https://www.nintendo.com/games/detail/gunhouse-switch/ * (Also available on a bunch of other platforms.) * 47:21 Would a Cool Sentient Dog in a graveyard dig up the bodies? Would that make him the anti-caretaker? * Oiled Up Sax Guy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1dY6OkPb7E * Interview with Oiled Up Sax Guy, who it turns out really did arrange and perform that cover. https://dangerousminds.net/comments/theinfamoussexysaxmanfromthelostboysstillstillbelievesachat_wi * https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2015/12/tumblr-users-are-talking-about-bone-stealing.html * 56:38 Experiencing FOMO about activities that you do not want to do Microtopics: * John of the Maryland Johns. * Ruining the show before it's really even started. * High fiving a friend from six feet away using your selfie stick with a hand at the end of it. * Washing the hand at the end of your selfie stick after high-fiving someone with it. * Motion detectors not detecting black people so corporate hires white people to follow black people around and activate the motion detectors. * A black person walking in front of the Kinect and the Kinect being like "I think I just saw a ghost!" * Loving your punchline and so letting it go. * Being flung away from the earth at 9.8 meters per second per second. * The unfathomable horror of your senator voting in favor of the "subtly tweak the laws of physics" bill. * Finding the highrise apartment building that is most likely to remain attached to the Earth if gravity reverses. * Being deeply bothered by children who know the metric system and understand calculus. * Having known you were going to die but now being able to put a number to exactly how fast. * Always paying attention to whether you feel slightly lighter now, because that means gravity is starting to reverse. * Gravity's power suddenly doubling and the only survivors being people hanging out in trampoline parks and bounce houses at the time. * Our only hope being heroes in mech suits but unfortunately everyone who owns a mech suit is a billionaire. * Fish living through gravity doubling because they can swim up to a lower water pressure. * The moon crashing into the Earth. * Kaiju who are lonely because they don't know any other kaiju. * Whether Swamp Thing and Godzilla would be friends. * A giant dog who is perpetually alone because there is no Mothra equivalent in his universe. * Bigfoot technically being a kaiju because his feet are so big. * Whether Bigger Luke is big enough to be considered a kaiju. * The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen except for kaiju. * Whether Jack the Ripper looms large enough in our minds that he should be banned from our Kaiju-only dating app. * The OkCupid dating personality result that was fine for women but if you're a dude they were like "please stop dating" * A tiny green cat as dense as a neutron star. * Having to explain what a TAS, speed runs, Arkanoid, Breakout, and video games are before you can get to the part that's cool about this Arkanoid TAS. * Running your Arkanoid simulation on six cores for over a year to find optimal Arkanoid strategies. * Mario dancing with the fish for 15 seconds and then the credits play. * Martial arts masters going into the mountains and practicing one move for 30 years. * The Many Worlds interpretation of Super Mario World. * A speedrunner finding a COVID-19 vaccine faster than anybody else but the FDA blocks them from releasing it. * Philosophers not allowing themselves to have any fun because they're trying to counter the image of philosophers lazing around and not doing any real work. * Sitting down to create while being fully aware that you might not create anything worthwhile today. * Throwing nothing away and making everything. * A cool game that is available on a variety of platforms. * Being a year into making a game and it isn't fun yet and you have to trust in the iteration process that you'll find the fun before you ship, but actually maybe you won't, but you still have to ship anyway so it's not a total loss. * Making a bad game fun by association, by placing it in a fun context. * Hiring a narrative designer a couple months away from shipping your deeply text-centered game, because there is currently no text or story in the game and everything is on fire. * Adding a bunch of things to your game that will definitely bite you in the ass later because you cannot be stopped. * Running a D&D game that you haven't prepped enough and your players getting to the part of the scenario where your notes are blank. * Fragile people in a fragile people world attempting to make juice and having empathy for each other. * Sitting at the text editor to create and creativity not happening fast enough so you go browse Reddit. * Being stuck on a hard problem and going to play video games while your subconscious works on the problem. * Watching Zodiac while you're working on your cross-stitch and you look down and you've spelled out the name of the real killer. * Trying to pick a speed run to watch in the background while you work that will keep you from being bored but not be interesting enough that you watch it instead of working. * Having made your topic list and having to sleep in them. * Gifts to ourselves. * Cyber-Washington with carbon fiber dentures and a minigun that fires the teeth of his slaves. * A cool sentient dog wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses digging up bodies and putting them in cool poses. * Cool Dog digging for bones in the easiest place possible, the human body. * The movie with the oiled muscle-man singing and playing a saxophone. * Buff Weird Al Yankovic. * Promising to name this episode "Stacksophone" but lying. * Cool Dog turning out to be a very uncool dog if you think about it. * Lost Boys, exhibit A in the debate of whether being a jerk is cool. * Cool sentient dogs in the 90s digging up bodies in graveyards, but cool sentient dogs in 2020 awooing on Mastodon. * Preferring to use human bones in your occult rituals because you relate better to the energy they carry. * Selling your leftover human bones after you're done doing all your curses. * Whether or not the guy selling human bones on Etsy is cool, and whether they'd be cooler if they were a dog. * Loving Bribe Dog even though by all rights he ought to be in jail. * A small dog gumming at a stranger's ankles and not breaking the skin but they get upset anyway for some reason. * The life-long FOMO of wondering what you're missing out on from activities you never do because you hate doing them. * Correctly guessing that the other guest is subtweeting Animal Crossing. * A game that is fun until it becomes your job. * Not needing to buy a new video game because Breath of the Wild still exists. * Not wanting to do an activity so much as be a part of the community that does the activity. * That month where everyone in the world was playing Pokemon Go. * Recommending a video game to two people who have already played it. * Leveling up as a person the first time you've ever made a non-optimal decision in a game to retain your quality of life. * Your Animal Crossing villagers expressing shock as you chop down your entire orchard in front of them. * Opening an iPad feeling special, like someone confessing that they love you and not loving them back. * Getting FOMO about everyone you're not in love with. * The future where instead of social media, everybody drops an ARG about themselves that you have to solve in order to talk to them. * A thing that sounds exciting that you don't want to do. * An alternate reality where nothing happens and no-one cares.
Which One Is Eggteen?

Which One Is Eggteen?

2020-04-1354:17

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Rusty is Rusty#1990 on Discord. * Rusty's Discord bot: https://deepfake-bot.readthedocs.io/en/latest/ * Chris is @MrChrisLHall on Twitter. Topics: * 2:39 Games that are work. * 12:40 Twitter bots posting photos of people and cats that do not exist * https://twitter.com/DoesNotExistBot * https://twitter.com/normalcatpics * 17:15 The best way to future proof your job against AI takeover is to get a job that machines are already better at but humans still do it anyway. * 24:34 Quill asks: "Have you ever seen the different verbal naming systems for hexadecimal? They're all amazing. My favorite numbers are eggteen and chris." * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hexadecimal#Verbalanddigitalrepresentations * 28:07 Where do you find folk games? Like Sticks or Contact or Fish Bowl. There must be some really amazing ones out there that I've never heard of. * 36:55 My recording rig for podcasting * http://sonic-pi.net/ * Live coding an ambient electro set w/ Sonic Pi. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1m0aX9Lpts * The Failure of the iPad. http://ignorethecode.net/blog/2020/01/29/thefailureofthe_ipad/ * 45:02 When you're old and only remember jokes, the only way to learn new things is to make jokes about them. * https://mnemosyne-proj.org/ Microtopics: * Non-consensually turning a Discord user into a Discord bot. * A recurring topic on this particular episode. * Lightly-flavored seltzer water. * Entering the Konami code at a soda fountain to get the secret flavor. * Getting tasks in your inbox and doing the tasks and getting more tasks as a reward. * Not having to take part in the office drama. * A complete lack of scrum master. * The fantasy of doing a job and getting fairly compensated. * The plausibility of having fun at your job. * Letting others pay the cost of the harm you're doing to the world. * Loving to play games where you clean up messes while your real life home gets worse and worse. * Playing a game about a housecleaning robot and deciding doing housework could make you happy in real life too. * Not falling for it when mom tries to turn cleaning your room into a game. * Teenagers going out of their way to be helpful in the household. * Toddlers wanting to do what adults do. * Finding out 18 years later your theory is correct. * The lego: nature's caltrop. * Writing an angry letter to the Lego corporation asking why they don't make squishy legos. * Wearing only half a pair of glasses. * Choosing Markov Chains because they work better than Tensorflow. * Having enough ram to store 1.5 billion floating point values. * Whether the Dalai Lama has ever used ICQ, and if so why hasn't Jim talked to him. * Some people running really fast, but not as fast as cars, but we still pay them to do it. * The emergency board meeting that the CEO of running called when the speed of cars eclipsed the speed of runners. * Becoming an artisanal trucker on Etsy when computers take your trucking job. * Decking out your artisanal delivery truck in old-timey neon reminiscent of the 80s when people still had jobs. * The part of your brain dedicated to determining the gender of the driver who is trying to kill you. * Being a very chill person except when you're driving alone. * An angry meditation on driving in heavy traffic. * The only time your infant son has ever heard you be angry. * Bringing your date to see Black Swan without realizing it's secretly a horror movie. * Just waiting for the great black scary bird to show up. * Pronouncing 1E as "Eggteen." * Knowing your pointer is a bad pointer when it's pointing to DEADBEEF. * Magic numbers such as 0xDECAFC0FFEE15BAD. * Michael Jackson moonwalking on the moon. * That feeling when you find that the altar is co-aligned in Minetown in Nethack. * Playing tag but not knowing who invented it. * Having water at home but trying not to brag about it. * A really inefficient way of getting at musicking. * Choosing a software package because you just download and run it without doing a bunch of sysadmin bullshit. * Being frustrated that there are still some things you can do on a computer but not on a phone. * Having an example that you wanted to use but not being able to remember what it was. * Remembering what a word means because you once imagined a monkey saying it. * Deliberately cracking yourself up so you can remember Bob's last name. * Thinking of the time I thought your name was "Blob." * Only remembering to buy the funniest items on your grocery list. * Memorizing your grocery list and then being stuck with the same grocery list for the rest of your life. * The persistent allure of a shelf of physical media even in the era of digital downloads. * Being intrigued by Bee Simulator but not being $48 intrigued. * Bee dances that are sufficiently expressive to articulate game reviews. * Git cloning the mind of someone with a good memory so you can remember things better. * Only being able to remember monkeys brachiating, but remembering the hell out of it.
So Horrible And Yet So Tiny

So Horrible And Yet So Tiny

2020-04-0601:01:45

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is on an internet break but you can email her at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Tyriq is @fourbitfriday on Twitter and elsewhere, and is making Catacomb Kids. https://www.ckgame.net/ Topics: * 2:13 Hot Topic * "Peaches, meet your fate!" https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/blna2q/hottopicemployeesofredditwhatareyour/emqprnc/ * 8:28 Toe picks * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=456TYtCggc * Mike Vallely yells at Tony Hawk about pressure flips. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQCe6guSOOM * A more detailed take on what happened with inlining and the X-Games. https://www.reddit.com/r/rollerblading/comments/1jpost/whyhasntrollerbladingcomebacktothexgames/cbhemrd/ * 22:15 Topical medication * 30:42 Groke asks: "My friend (who is completely unaware of this podcast and did this apropos of nothing) emailed the Mars chocolate company to find out why the Topic candy bar has that name. 'Dear Mr Smith, Thanks for getting in touch about our MARS product. The Topic bar has been a firm favourite since it's introduction in 1962, unfortunately over time the origin of how the Topic chocolate bar came to be called Topic has been lost and now it has become a mystery that we are still trying to discover. If you need any more information, please let us know.'" * 34:45 Test of Proficiency in Korean * Nifflas's braille labeling purchase snafu. https://twitter.com/Nifflas/status/1230232736734031878 * Constructed scripts. https://www.omniglot.com/conscripts/english.htm * Nicaraguan sign language. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NicaraguanSign_Language * 49:36 Topic Records Microtopics: * Listening to a lot of dolphin podcasts. * Discussing only topics on the Topic Special. * Belching instead of answering the question. * Your project going well lately and being slightly less afraid that it's going to be awful. * A store that isn't in your local mall so you have to drive half an hour to the cool mall. * Being afraid cool teenagers will stare you down and you'll evaporate on the spot. * A store selling pop culture stuff you've actually heard of. * Not having a Hot Topic story but telling one you read on the Internet. * An anime version of Ben Stiller's character from Reality Bites. * The Hot Topic in Ben Stiller's thought bubble that you can only shop at if Ben Stiller thinks of you. * All food vanishing from the world because Ben Stiller has thought of it all and it's trapped in his mind. * All the wiki pages that popped up for the movie Primer. * Having sorted the spreadsheet and being unable to un-sort the spreadsheet. * Thinking toe picks are a gross hygiene thing but actually they're for doing a triple lutz. * Amputee guitarists who are pretty proficient at foot guitaring. * Skates with four wheels in a rectangle being way less cool than skates with four wheels in a row because that's what girls do. * Ice skates being harder to turn in than inline skates, because they cut a groove in the surface. * Turning on the toe pick. * Sucking at tourism because nothing interests you. * Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. * Which indie game developers were previously pro inline skaters. * Mike Vallely storming off angrily at the concept of doing pressure flips. * A kickflip except you don't make the ollie motion with your front foot, you just kick the tail down and scoop it forward with your rear foot. * Tony Hawk being cool and teaching you vert tricks and Mike Vallely refusing to talk to anyone who isn't a skateboarder. * Skateboarders getting petty and insecure and getting inline skating removed from the X-Games. * Completing the entire gap checklist in Tony Hawk 2 and putting it on your resume. * Dropping the franchise completely after Tony Hawk 2 because the Playstation 1 version of Tony Hawk 3 doesn't have female custom skaters. * The mission in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 where you follow a homeless person around Venice Beach and harass him until he leaves town. * Ollie the Magic Bum getting good at skateboarding so he can exact revenge. * A full-contact, Tony-Hawk-And-Bully-Had-A-Baby roller derby game. * Punxsutawney Phil looking down and seeing poop and so there'll be six more weeks of poop. * Having to shove pills down a cat's throat twice a day for the rest of her life. * Giving away your spare geckos and explaining to the recipient that they eat sunlight. * A gecko eating another gecko like a corncob because they're not social animals after all. * Three creatures each nesting-dolled in the mouth of another creature. * The vet seemingly not knowing about lizards shedding when they put the cast on the lizard. * The gecko still being alive so you're doing okay at pet ownership. * Hiring a nurse that is also a gecko to take care of your gecko injections. * A mystery that we are still trying to discover. * Even the manufacturer not knowing why the candy bar is called Topic. * Inventing the jaw that can take the smallest possible bite. * Marzipan but with almonds. * Not liking how they pronounce "urinal" in the UK. Not liking it at all. * Things taking a dark turn and someone turning up dead. * Not going out of your way to inform people that your product's name is shockingly racist. * Preferring the language proficiency test that is more similar to Skee-Ball. * Changing the subject to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater again. * Wanting to feel sick about everything and doing all the missions at "sick" difficulty. * Doing a few missions at "sick" difficulty and deciding that's enough sick for you. * The Korean alphabet having been invented by a dude who thought ideograms were a bad idea. * Borrowing ideograms from Chinese and then later going back for more. * Nifflas inventing his own alphabet so doesn't have to hide his notes when he DMs. * The process of training yourself to read your weirdo moon-man alphabet. * Wanting to get into Lojban. * Liking a phrase as much as Tolkien likes "cellar door." * Inventing the language that magic is spoken in. * Inventing a language for your game and demanding your players become fluent in it. * The Nicaraguan school for deaf children doing a terrible job at teaching deaf children, but the children inventing Nicaraguan Sign Language. * Collecting your paycheck for doing nothing. * A corpus of industrial folk songs. * Yelling "peaches meet your fate!" and making the chainsaws kiss. * Mother-32 needing an offering of your hair every morning. * The composition process you enjoy most not leading to the kind of music you enjoy most. * Not wanting to make prototypes in the final medium because working in the final medium is a pain to work in. * GML being the wax and 6502 assembly being the marble in this analogy. * Live streaming video to the Apple II. * Having time for hobbies because you quit Twitter.
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Danny enjoys bananas. * https://twitter.com/itsdannymusic * https://www.youtube.com/dannymusic * https://www.twitch.tv/dannymusic * Lauren streams on Twitch and plays in The Returners. * https://twitter.com/laurentheflute * https://www.twitch.tv/laurentheflute * http://the-returners.com/ Topics * 1:12 If every Tetris piece has a personality, which piece would you most prefer to be stuck with on a deserted island? * The History of Tetris Randomizers. https://simon.lc/the-history-of-tetris-randomizers * 12:45 The sense of smell is most closely tied to memory. Are there any really strong associations you have? * Ulillillia's relationship with music: http://www.ulillillia.us/aboutme/music.shtml * TXT World: A Journey Of The Nose. https://twitter.com/mogwaipoet/status/1196511832220917760 * "We carry the WORLDS LARGEST Selection of Scratch N' Sniff scents!" http://www.promobrands.com/scratchandsniffscents.htm * 22:15 Convincing my son that sleep is a good thing when I don't believe it myself * 28:46 Groke asks: "Transitioning from making art for its own sake to making it to keep a roof over your head (or vice-versa)" * Basil's Adventure. http://twinbeard.com/basil/ * 40:55 Why IS a raven like a writing desk? * https://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1173/why-is-a-raven-like-a-writing-desk/ * 46:36 In the last week, what is the best thing that you have seen, done, and/or eaten? * New Study Reveals Just How Sick Families With Kids Get. https://gizmodo.com/new-study-reveals-just-how-sick-families-with-kids-get-1722654292 * How butter chicken roti became a Toronto classic. https://www.thestar.com/life/foodwine/2019/08/13/how-butter-chicken-roti-became-a-toronto-classic.html Microtopics: * Doing video game music. * Breaking a problem into subproblems. * An unusual form of synesthesia where you perceive Tetris pieces as personalities. * Making rude buzzer noises when the guest gets it wrong. * The Tetris I-piece being egotistical and always late when you need it most. * Siblings who are not identical but are mistaken for identical. * The stem cell of Tetris pieces. * The Tetris T-piece being useful for opening coconuts because it's shaped like a bottle opener. * Playing Tetris without realizing that you can rotate the pieces. * The Tetris T-piece standing for Trauma. * Not realizing you push B to run in Super Mario Bros. because it doesn't do anything when you're not moving. * The smell of candles reminding you of the holidays. * Finding the cologne that speaks to your soul and wearing it literally every day. * A cartoon character design except it's how you smell. * Bringing around an MP3 player to play your theme song on loop as you walk around campus. * Testing how long you can listen to the Bubble Bobble theme. * Eating only carrots for a week because you want to really feel the fine distinctions between each individual carrot. * The particular mix of sweat and grass that makes you think of playing soccer. * Not being able to think of the word for when the water in a river is extremely busy. * The idealized smells of Frog Fractions 2 where everything smells like candy because of all the bright colors. * Going to sleep being the worst thing but your son going to sleep being the best thing. * Reading your child books about sleeping to convince them that sleeping is a good thing. * Refusing to teach your child about how certain activities are for boys and some are for girls, but then they learn about it in school anyway. * Having vivid dreams and taking ideas from them to use in fiction. * Hating to go to sleep and hating to wake up so maybe what you actually hate is just the transition one way or the other. * Wanting to go to sleep but going into a depressive spiral instead. * Reminiscing about making art as a hobby. * Doing the same amount of work but not burning out because you change the kind of work you're doing. * Creativity through limitations. * Getting to the point where you can afford to say no to freelance projects. * Having an audience and feeling obligated to serve the audience literally all the time. * Making dinner as an act of creative fulfillment. * Baking intuitively by just putting ingredients in a pan until it feels right. * Giving your guest baker a challenge ingredient to incorporate into their cake. * Picking activities that force you to not be perfect. * Forcing everybody to read a sentence from your novel before they get a cookie. * Whether "smartass" is really a swear. * Finding 11 socks in your desk at the end of the school year. * Both a raven and a writing desk having legs, but different numbers of legs. * Whether desks lay eggs to reproduce. * Finding the image that is exactly halfway between a raven and a writing desk. * Never having been sick as often as when you worked in a bounce house birthday party place. * Schoolteachers no longer getting sick because they've gotten literally every disease. * Putting the curry inside of the flatbread like they do in Toronto. * The relief of seeing a stray cat you haven't seen in a while. * A cat named Purrcy. * Arranging music for a friend and your band mates being excited to record it. * Artists appreciating art you made for them more than non-artists would. * Giving grandma your new noisecore album for Christmas. * Grandma sticking your new noisecore album to the fridge with a magnet. * Someone asking to read your fiction and then actually reading it. * A gift secretly being a demand for the recipient's time. * A gift made not just for somebody but made with their needs in mind. * Laura, Lauren, Laurie, and Laurel all being the same name if you think about it. * Profundity on demand.
Abstinent Train Polycule

Abstinent Train Polycule

2020-03-2301:15:29

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Ryan (@ryanikecomposer) made a great grilled cheese sandwich in an air fryer two weeks ago. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_fryer * Alexander is a math professor at DigiPen and trades his chicken flock's eggs to a neighbor for home-roasted coffee beans. * https://www.quora.com/profile/Alexander-Young-2 Topics: * 8:41 Creativity from a seed vs from a box * 18:41 Every fucking comedy trailer in the 90s used Hall of the Mountain king and it sucked and I hated it and why don't we do that any more * https://www.20k.org/episodes/thebooj * 29:04 Some guy you just met asks to install an HDMI port on your foot. You decide to go for it. When you plug in a TV, what's playing on your foot? * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TonyHawk%27sSkate_Jam * https://twitter.com/tonyhawk/status/5184156673 * 40:12 David asks: "Yak shaving in your profession or hobby" * https://i.imgur.com/t0XHtgJ.gif * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeboxing * 49:01 I think about the "abstinence train" from a high school health class video once a week. How can I turn this from distraction into motivation? * 1:02:00 Multi-lingual animals Microtopics: * Making a transcendent grilled cheese in the air fryer. * Dipping food in terrifyingly hot golden juice that might burn your face off. * Walking into your friend's house and seeing an edifice. * Esoteric kitchen appliances that we find invaluable. * A Kevin Bacon co-working situation. * An espresso machine where you have to screw the lid down properly or it explodes. * The adrenaline rush of surviving the cooking process making the food taste way better. * Trading your chicken's fresh eggs for your neighbor's home-roasted coffee beans. * Trading jam games for fresh jam. * Getting super excited by discovering that something is impossible. * Proving the theorem that something can never be equal to something else. * Using a constraint to make something new. * AI-driven space helmets that generate plausible sounds for the space vista you're looking at. * A naval battle In Space!!; * Taking the script of an existing movie and adding a bunch of jokes to it. * Everybody knowing that Shakespeare was a hack but being afraid to say it. * Marching on the National Mall shrieking about public domain music usage in movie trailers. * Getting nostalgic about trends you always hated. * Aphantasia but for envisioning loudspeakers. * Being the kind of kid that keeps a database of classical music used in film trailers. * Owen Wilson's goblin-like face, sitting in his hall. * Looney Tunes characters creeping around while pizzicato strings punctuate their footsteps. * All classical music being recontextualized as Looney Tunes music. * John Williams changing one note of your opus and now it's the soundtrack to Star Wars. * Learning to play a mid-90s cartoon theme on harpsichord and realizing it's basically Hall of the Mountain King with every third note removed. * The booj. * Listening to a fake movie trailer and growing excited for a movie that doesn't exist. * A young child singing a Judas Priest song as if it's a nursery rhyme. * Putting the booj in trailers for Casablanca and giving 1940s audiences a heart attack. * Playing the booj outside ancient Rome and Romans inventing the film camera because they want to see the movie so badly. * Somehow removing even more agency from a "would you rather" question. * The HDMI port in your foot playing pretzel advertisements. * Asking your friend if they see the creepy guy staring at the camera in the background of this People's Court episode, but your friend can't get past that the TV episode is playing via an HDMI port on your foot. * Being assured that whatever comes out of your foot won't kill you. * The HDMI port in your foot not hurting unless you try to run. * The HDMI port on your foot playing memories of you running with the Columbia City Running Club. * Forgetting to run your brain screen saver and getting brain burn-in and the last thing someone said to you faintly ringing in your head forever. * An AR Tony Hawk skating game where you skate on power lines by holding your phone camera up to them. * Tony Hawk being a Pokemon. * The cat bus from My Neighbor Totoro. * Toddlers discovering the front yard. * A toddler whaling on a cat but she refuses to run away and just gets annoyed. * Getting all your cat poking and yanking out of the way as a toddler. * Yak shaving being a metaphor, hopefully. * Getting anxiety from hearing yak shaving explained. * Growing up with an antagonistic relationship with sleeping and by extension your own body. * Thinking of sleep as step 0 for anything you want to get done tomorrow. * Wanting a free uninterrupted hour and getting it by sleeping an hour less tonight. * The hemispheres of your brain having two different chronotypes. * Trying way too hard to relate to the teens. * Teens in the 90s being way into locomotives. * Three humans dressed up as train cars heading for Abstinence Street and the caboose trying to unhook himself because he wants to feel something right now. * The two front cars of the train polycule trying to convince the caboose that Abstinence Street is really cool actually. * The Abstinence Train PSA being the direct inspiration for The Human Centipede. * Ryan being the caboose in this metaphor. * The awards organization that gives you a trophy for eating your very last peanut butter and jelly sandwich. * An abstinent train polycule in the railyard of ideas, validating each other's impulses. * An abstinent train polycule changing the law to allow polygamy. * Becoming a Zen Master but when your followers think you're meditating, you're actually repeating the Abstinence Train PSA in your head. * Finally finding the Abstinence Train on YouTube and vaporizing into the atmosphere, your purpose fulfilled. * A homebrew recreation of the famous Abstinence Train video. * The results you get when you type "Abstinence Train" into YouTube. * Wanting to get a job at Google to fix YouTube's search engine so you can search for "Abstinence Train" but having to shave a yak first. * Mean Girls but all the time and they never grow out of it. * Chickens having a particular call they make when a hawk appears that means everyone should hide. * A crow that knows when chickens are warning other chickens about the incipient hawk. * Being very frustrated that the host put the topics in the wrong order. * The host leaving the show early but the guests continuing to talk for another fifteen minutes. * Assuring the listener that you're not bragging when you explain just how many podcasts you've been on. * Being called out by a podcast you were listening to but not otherwise involved in. * Being a doctor of mathematics but weighing in on whether dinosaurs were domesticable because it's Quora after all. * Chickens being way more shareable than your latest math problem. * Remembering the face of the human that threatened your nest. * Making decoy nests to fool the government agency trying to get rid of you. * A crow really just being a black pigeon. * The sound of a juvenile crow hassling their mom for food. * Throwing an olive at a murder of crows to meet the one crow who is willing to approach it like it's a live grenade. * Seattle residents exchanging crow attack stories. * Jim not being here to ask you if you want to plug anything.
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