Unprocessed

My daughter’s, ages 8 and 5, wanted to join this week’s episode to share about how having siblings is both “hard and fun.” We got into how conflict is a normal and necessary part of closeness, how they express anger without harming each other with it, the bubbles they create when they need space from each other and the unique gift they received that helped them connect to their own and each other’s humanity in the hard moments.This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health treatment, diagnosis, or therapy. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship.The views and opinions expressed are based on my lived personal and professional experience but are general in nature. Individual situations vary, and listeners are encouraged to seek appropriate professional support for their specific needs.By listening to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are responsible for your own mental health decisions and actions. I am not responsible for any outcomes resulting from the use or misuse of information discussed on this podcast.The content of this podcast should not be relied upon as personalized mental health advice, crisis support, or a treatment plan. If you are experiencing distress or a mental health emergency, please contact a licensed mental health professional, local emergency services, or a crisis hotline in your area.

In this episode I talk about how going up into our heads distracts from the knowing in our hearts and bodies, and how asking "why," has taken me away from what I know deep down in an effort to understand and justify the motives of others. The underlying intention is to try to "understand" to cope better, but in reality understanding can sometimes prevent feeling and allowance. I am learning that the "why" often emerges later in the process, not before. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health treatment, diagnosis, or therapy. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship.The views and opinions expressed are based on my lived personal and professional experience but are general in nature. Individual situations vary, and listeners are encouraged to seek appropriate professional support for their specific needs.By listening to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are responsible for your own mental health decisions and actions. I am not responsible for any outcomes resulting from the use or misuse of information discussed on this podcast.The content of this podcast should not be relied upon as personalized mental health advice, crisis support, or a treatment plan. If you are experiencing distress or a mental health emergency, please contact a licensed mental health professional, local emergency services, or a crisis hotline in your area.

This week I dig into closeness communication bias--where we overestimate our skills as good listeners and assume closeness with what's familiar. I reveal the 3 ways people express what's true for them: affect, narrative, and body language, and what I learned about not assuming I know the people I love--I ask my husband how he feels about our marriage every few months--and how I like to be listened to (the whole of me, not just my words). 

I talk about a moment when my husband asked me for support and I said no. I said no to preserve my own desire for him, and to ensure he figured out his journey with his own tools, not my tools. In this episode, I put on my couples therapist hat and share personal experience about how not going into helper/parent mode keeps my marriage spicy and fun, and ultimately a relationship I want to be in. Helping sometimes leads others around us to atrophy and then we get mad about it, which hurts doesn't help the union.This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health treatment, diagnosis, or therapy. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship.The views and opinions expressed are based on my lived personal and professional experience but are general in nature. Individual situations vary, and listeners are encouraged to seek appropriate professional support for their specific needs.By listening to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are responsible for your own mental health decisions and actions. I am not responsible for any outcomes resulting from the use or misuse of information discussed on this podcast.The content of this podcast should not be relied upon as personalized mental health advice, crisis support, or a treatment plan. If you are experiencing distress or a mental health emergency, please contact a licensed mental health professional, local emergency services, or a crisis hotline in your area.

I recently did genetic testing and learned that some of what I thought were struggles that I thought were solely related to learned behaviors were written in my genetic code. Listen as I contemplate the line between working on ourselves to grow and accepting that there are some wounds that will never fully heal. The struggle is real, my fellow unprocessors! This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health treatment, diagnosis, or therapy. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship.The views and opinions expressed are based on my lived personal and professional experience but are general in nature. Individual situations vary, and listeners are encouraged to seek appropriate professional support for their specific needs.By listening to this podcast, you acknowledge that you are responsible for your own mental health decisions and actions. I am not responsible for any outcomes resulting from the use or misuse of information discussed on this podcast.The content of this podcast should not be relied upon as personalized mental health advice, crisis support, or a treatment plan. If you are experiencing distress or a mental health emergency, please contact a licensed mental health professional, local emergency services, or a crisis hotline in your area.