Untitled Star Trek Project

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 1, Episode 11. First broadcast on Wednesday 28 November 2001. Stardate: Unknown (2151). This week, Enterprise is beset once again by the Temporal Cold War, in the form of two guys who won’t stop talking about the Temporal Cold War, a conflict so subtle and urgent that no one can explain what it is or why anyone should care about it. And in a breathtaking B-plot, a bunch of be-latexed men drop by for a religious ceremony audacious in both its meaninglessness and its orthogonality to everything else in the episode.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 2, Episode 4. First broadcast on Monday 12 December 1988. Stardate: 42402.7. An experimental quantum probability field causes the entire Enterprise crew to completely forget what humour is and how to do it. An agonising forty-five minutes, only relieved by the sight of beautiful Billy Campbell wandering through the corridors dressed as a pirate. (It’s just possible that the same field has caused the writers to forget how human behaviour works as well.)

Star Trek: Picard, Series 3, Episode 5. First broadcast on Thursday 16 March 2023. Stardate: 78186.03. To celebrate USTP’s 200th episode, Joe and Nathan spend an hour skulking around the dark but beautifully designed corridors of the USS Titan, avoiding a murderous Jack Crusher and trying to stay of the way of the intimidating Bajoran Starfleet Intelligence operative who is apparently here to arrest fan favourites Admiral Picard and Captain Riker. It’s like an alternate timeline where Star Trek: The Next Generation is dramatically and impractically lit, full of incident, and sceptical about the 1990s belief in the End of History. Here’s to the next 200.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 5, Episode 13. First broadcast on Monday 3 February 1997. Stardate: 50485.2. This week, the Federation faces a dramatic new adversary: Maquis leader and musical theatre gay, Michael Eddington. Sisko is not happy.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 4, Episode 9. First broadcast on Monday 19 November 1990. Stardate: 44307.3. This week: an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation split roughly equally between saying goodbye to a beloved crew member and taking out the garbage — without saying anything very interesting about either. Apart from some memorable visuals, it’s mostly the kind of thing enjoyed by people who think that modern Star Trek seasons are too short.