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Waking Up to Narcissism
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Waking Up to Narcissism

Author: Tony Overbay LMFT

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Real stories of people in, and out of relationships with people who may be struggling with narcissistic traits, to full-blown narcissistic personality disorder.
7 Episodes
One of the most frustrating things after "Waking up to Narcissism" is trying to explain your relationship struggles to friends, co-workers, or family members who haven't experienced narcissistic forms of abuse (emotional, financial, spiritual, etc.). Many people in these situations find themselves almost wishing their emotional abuser would physically abuse them because "at least people would understand why I would leave." But the emotional wounds and scars run deep, and on most occasions, don't heal properly without a lot of work. In today's episode, Tony describes his "Death by a thousand cuts" theory when talking about narcissistic patterns of abuse. A thousand paper cuts can still lead to someone "bleeding out," yet each individual paper cut appears insignificant on its own. Tony reads examples from his private women's group of examples of "Death by a thousand cuts." You can submit your questions, comments, or request to join the group through the contact form on
Tony tackles the intricacies of the narcissistic trauma bond. For many, the harder you try to find your voice or to separate yourself from the narcissists in your life, the more difficult it becomes, which only makes the bond more challenging to break. Tony references the article "Trauma Bonding - Why You Can't Stop Loving the Narcissist."
Today we tackle why good people look for reasons their narcissist is acting off rather than accepting the situation for what it may be. Plus, Tony describes four types of gaslighting. Please submit your questions as well as your gaslighting examples through the contact form at
Tony gives examples of the narcissistic apology, and he explains "Narcissistic Awareness Grief," a term coined by Dr. Christine Hammond ( Tony refers to an excellent article by Diane Metcalf on Narcissistic Awareness Grief Please submit your questions as well as your gaslighting examples through the contact form at
Tony answers several questions from the first episode and shares how the narcissist comes to be. Tony talks about abandonment and attachment wounds in childhood that may play into the "creation of the narcissist." And how gaslighting originates as a childhood defense mechanism. Plus Tony answers questions about whether more men or women are narcissists plus much more. Please submit your questions, comments, and gaslighting examples through the contact form at
Tony discusses 5 survival strategies to help you find solid ground when trying to communicate with a narcissist, or someone expressing narcissistic traits or tendencies. Also, have you been told that you won't let things go, that you like to fight, or that you're not as easy to get along with as you used to be by the narcissist in your life? If so, you may be doing better than you think! Please submit your questions as well as your gaslighting examples through the contact form at
Waking Up to Narcissism, a podcast by Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, public speaker, and host of The Virtual Couch Podcast, is coming soon! Chances are you’ve been hearing more and more about narcissism over the past few years, and you may have the view that a narcissist is a grandiose, malicious person out for absolute power, that they are completely aware of everything that they are doing and that if you could only explain yourself or your situation better they would finally understand, that they would take ownership of their behavior and that you could live peacefully with them and your relationship would blossom. The reality is that regardless of how hard you try to communicate your frustrations, the worse the relationship gets. Because what you may actually be doing is providing the narcissist with more ammunition to use against you in the heat of battle. You're showing your narcissist your buttons, and what combination to press them to make you react in a way that leaves you feeling crazy. Are you familiar with gaslighting, trauma bonding, and narcissistic sequestering of friends and family? Are you always wrong, do you find yourself in situations where you feel like a buffer between your kids and your spouse? Do you have to "read the room" to see what kind of mood your partner is in before bringing up topics because you're never quite sure what response you're going to get? Waking Up to Narcissism will cover a variety of topics to help enlighten, and uplift people who find themselves in relationships with narcissistic individuals as well as interview people who are currently in relationships with narcissists or who have successfully exited narcissistic relationships. You can contact Tony and share your stories as well as ask questions by visiting the contact page at his website
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