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A vacation to The Big City. Plus, listener questions, breaking financial news, and an emergency press conference. Weather: “Black Car” by Penfriend https://penfriend.rocks/blackcar Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts 2022 US / CANADA / EUROPE TOUR DATES for “The Haunting of Night Vale” http://welcometonightvale.com/live Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv FACELESS OLD WOMAN novel now available in paperback! https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
207 - LOST: CAT

207 - LOST: CAT

2022-05-0129:5111

Lost: cat. Last seen hovering 4 feet off the ground in the radio station bathroom. Reward if found. Weather: “Stockpiled Guns & TV Dinners” by Mal Blum https://www.malblum.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts 2022 US / CANADA / EUROPE TOUR DATES for “The Haunting of Night Vale” http://welcometonightvale.com/live Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv FACELESS OLD WOMAN novel now available in paperback! https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
A librarian is loose… beyond the sandwastes. Weather: “Hell is Other People” by BANGZZ https://bangzz.bandcamp.com/ The voice of Tamika Flynn is Symphony Sanders Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts 2022 US / CANADA / EUROPE TOUR DATES for “The Haunting of Night Vale” http://welcometonightvale.com/live FACELESS OLD WOMAN novel now available in paperback! https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ WEATHER SUBMISSIONS ARE OPEN: https://www.welcometonightvale.com/betheweather Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
205 - The Moon Is Gone

205 - The Moon Is Gone

2022-04-0131:1212

What happened to the moon? Who cares. Weather: “Us in the Woods” by Birds of Fae https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH1H79IWliY Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts 2022 US / CANADA / EUROPE TOUR DATES for “The Haunting of Night Vale” http://welcometonightvale.com/live FACELESS OLD WOMAN novel now available in paperback! https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ WEATHER SUBMISSIONS ARE OPEN: https://www.welcometonightvale.com/betheweather Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
204 - Audition

204 - Audition

2022-03-1531:2610

Auditions are open for "Our Town" Weather: “Yes This Song Is About You and No, I'm Still Not Over It” by Friends For Sale https://friendsforsale.bandcamp.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts WEATHER SUBMISSIONS ARE OPEN: https://www.welcometonightvale.com/betheweather 2022 US / CANADA / EUROPE TOUR DATES for “The Haunting of Night Vale” http://welcometonightvale.com/live Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
You're listening to WMCG 1080am in Ann Arbor, Michigan. “My Love” by Scarlet Sails https://scarletsails.bandcamp.com/ The voice of Kareem is Adal Rifai. The voice of Doug is John Patrick Coan. The voice of Gina is Erin Keif. (Listen to Adal, JPC, & Erin’s podcast Hey Riddle Riddle https://www.heyriddleriddle.com/) Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts WEATHER SUBMISSIONS ARE OPEN: https://www.welcometonightvale.com/betheweather 2022 US / CANADA / EUROPE TOUR DATES for “The Haunting of Night Vale” http://welcometonightvale.com/live Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
Unfortunately, Valentine's Day has happened again. Weather: “I Went Swimming to the Middle of the Sea” by Raising Cain https://raising-cain.bandcamp.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts 2022 US / CANADA / EUROPE TOUR DATES for “The Haunting of Night Vale” http://welcometonightvale.com/live Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
201 - The Delivery Man

201 - The Delivery Man

2022-02-0130:0311

All people deserve prompt delivery. And all people eventually get what they deserve. Weather: “Goodnight Dandelion” by Space Cowboy Newt https://spacecowboynewt.bandcamp.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts 2022 US / CANADA / EUROPE TOUR DATES for “The Haunting of Night Vale” http://welcometonightvale.com/live Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
Susan Willman has something to say. Weather: “No Ordinary Wave” by Le Plaisir https://www.leplaisirband.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts 2022 EUROPE / UK TOUR ANNOUNCED! “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale December 3! http://welcometonightvale.com/live New novel from Jeffrey Cranor & Janina Matthewson: YOU FEEL IT JUST BELOW THE RIBS https://www.withinthewires.com/ Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com The voice of Susan Willman is Tina Parker Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
The Sanitation Department will now allow citizens to retrieve something they once disposed of but now wish maybe they hadn’t been so hasty. Weather: “A Lonely Impulse of Delight” by Twin Beds https://twinbeds.bandcamp.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts 2022 EUROPE / UK TOUR ANNOUNCED! “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale December 3! http://welcometonightvale.com/live New novel from Jeffrey Cranor & Janina Matthewson: YOU FEEL IT JUST BELOW THE RIBS https://www.withinthewires.com/ Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Brie Williams, with Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. https://twitter.com/briezillionaire Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
There’s a secret art showing in the Whispering Forest. Weather: “Dream” by Nata https://soundcloud.com/natadov Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts New novel from Jeffrey Cranor & Janina Matthewson: YOU FEEL IT JUST BELOW THE RIBS https://www.withinthewires.com/ Hot Night Vale merch! https://topatoco.com/wtnv Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ 2022 US TOUR WEATHER ARTISTS ANNOUNCED! March 27 - June 24, we’ll be all over America with “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale now! http://welcometonightvale.com/live Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
Here’s an excerpt from the new novel by Jeffrey Cranor and Janina Matthewson: You Feel It Just Below the Ribs. (coming November 16, wherever you get your books). More info (and for places to order): https://bit.ly/3oQujfC The voice of the meta-narrator (Introduction & footnotes) is Adepero Oduye. The voice of Miriam Gregory (Chapter 1) is Kirsten Potter.
He only ever had the one. Weather: “Blacksnake” by Charming Disaster https://charmingdisaster.bandcamp.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ 2022 US TOUR WEATHER ARTISTS ANNOUNCED! March 27 - June 24, we’ll be all over America with “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale now! http://welcometonightvale.com/live New novel from Jeffrey Cranor & Janina Matthewson: YoU FEEL IT JUST BELOW THE RIBS https://www.withinthewires.com/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
The prisoner tries to reform. (Part 2 of 2) The voice of Silas is Jonathan Atkinson. Weather: “Go Along / Get Along” by Erin McKeown https://www.erinmckeown.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ 2022 US TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED! March 27 - June 24, we’ll be all over America with “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale now! http://welcometonightvale.com/live Get Joseph Fink’s new novel, THE HALLOWEEN MOON https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books#halloweenmoon Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
The prisoner reveals his secrets. (Part 1 of 2) The voice of Silas is Jonathan Atkinson. Weather: “Drink from the Well” by Stöj Snak http://stojsnak.bandcamp.com Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ 2022 US TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED! March 27 - June 24, we’ll be all over America with “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale now! http://welcometonightvale.com/live Get Joseph Fink’s new novel, THE HALLOWEEN MOON https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books#halloweenmoon Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
Frank Chen is here. Frank Chen is here. Frank Chen is here... Weather: “Dressful of Dreams” by The Bipeds http://www.thebipedsdance.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ 2022 US TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED! March 27 - June 24, we’ll be all over America with “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale now! http://welcometonightvale.com/live Get Joseph Fink’s new novel, THE HALLOWEEN MOON https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books#halloweenmoon Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
193 - Team Having Fun

193 - Team Having Fun

2021-09-0128:2613

We’re not here to tell you what you’re doing wrong. We’re here to tell you what you could be doing right. Weather: “All This Time” by Ellis https://ellissongs.bandcamp.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ 2022 US TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED! March 27 - June 24, we’ll be all over America with “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale now! http://welcometonightvale.com/live Get Joseph Fink’s new novel, THE HALLOWEEN MOON https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books#halloweenmoon Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
192 - It Doesn't Hold Up

192 - It Doesn't Hold Up

2021-08-1527:1511

Sometimes our favorite old films don’t stand the test of time. Weather: “Pocket Scheme“ by Brook Pridemore, https://brookpridemore.bandcamp.com Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ 2022 US TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED! March 27 - June 24, we’ll be all over America with “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale now! http://welcometonightvale.com/live Get Joseph Fink’s new novel, THE HALLOWEEN MOON https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books#halloweenmoon Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
Frank Chen has been found alive and returned to his family exactly as he was the day he died. Weather: “Zoology“ by Funkrust Brass Band, http://funkrust.com Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts 2022 US TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED! March 27 - June 24, we’ll be all over America with “The Haunting of Night Vale” Tickets on sale now! http://welcometonightvale.com/live Get Joseph Fink’s new novel, THE HALLOWEEN MOON https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books#halloweenmoon Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com
From New York Times bestselling author Joseph Fink (and creator of Welcome to Night Vale and Alice Isn’t Dead) comes a wickedly fun middle grade novel about a Halloween-obsessed girl named Esther Gold, who goes out trick-or-treating for one last year, only to find her town under the thrall of a mysterious presence. BOOK LAUNCH: July 27 @ 8pm ET with author Joseph Fink in conversation with Ransom Riggs. Pre-order the book here (https://www.welcometonightvale.com/books#halloweenmoon) to attend this event. THE HALLOWEEN MOON by Joseph Fink is available now at welcometonightvale.com/books or wherever it is you get your books.
Comments (1300)

Faye Griscom Johnson

AYO CARLOS AND CECIL SO GAY THO

May 17th
Reply

ANCO

is it just me or did the scream of Lance sound like Jacksepticeye?/lh

Apr 18th
Reply (1)

Miki Williams

i don't know what is wrong exactly with the audio but it sounds off this episode? like echoey and distant. hope this is just a bug not something perma.

Apr 15th
Reply (1)

Marion Chauviré

bjcxcbmmmmjccvcvcbvvcmbgh cc.. gcbchcnvmlmmmmmmmmcmkhnmmmmmgh

Apr 8th
Reply

Alexis

you dare make me worry for kevin and his now carlos alternate boyfriend?

Apr 4th
Reply

Jeri Thurber

this episode is very funny to me, a Minnesotan

Mar 28th
Reply

Miki Williams

hhhhh the space monologue bits are too much in such a funny and odd way💀i don't appreciate the surprise nostalgia kick that gets me everytime but this is still one of my favorite one-off episodes 💖💖

Mar 20th
Reply

Brenda Regino

I love this show. The word from the sponsor was great. I'm Aries 😄

Mar 10th
Reply

Platinum

The Allusionist music really caught me off guard. Loved it ❤️

Feb 24th
Reply

Angela Stadler

Yeeeeesssss!!!!! Wisconsin!!!!!

Feb 12th
Reply

Rosie Joy

My favourite quote - "the past is gone and cannot harm you anymore and while the fast future is coming for you it always flinches first and settles in as the gentle present. "

Feb 12th
Reply

john jones

great show just started and I already love it

Feb 6th
Reply

N Norris

song sounds like Tom Waits

Jan 27th
Reply

mr endoid

damn, now I really want to know if Josh got the boy

Jan 15th
Reply

aku

'A Story about You' walked so You by Netflix could run

Jan 14th
Reply

aku

Like the other comment mentioned, i listen to each episode repeatedly for a week because i keep on falling asleep. It's why im still in ep.125 even tho i started listening to the podcast over a year ago (ノ´・ω・)ノ ミ ┻━┻

Jan 14th
Reply

Ella Kahnert

Is Lenard also immoral then? Faked his death or something?

Jan 4th
Reply

Ella Kahnert

ALL HAIL

Jan 4th
Reply

sajad rad

A friendly desert community, where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep. Welcome to Night Vale.  [music] Hello listeners. To start things off, I’ve been asked to read to read this brief notice. The City Council announces the opening of a new dog park at the corner of Earl and Summerset, near the Ralphs. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park. It is possible you will see hooded figures in the dog park. Do not approach them. Do not approach the dog park. The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the dog park and especially do not look for any period of time at the hooded figures. The dog park will not harm you. And now the news. Old Woman Josie, out near the car lot, says the Angels revealed themselves to her. Said they were ten feet tall, radiant, one of them was black. Said they helped her with various household chores. One of them changed  a light bulb for her, the porch light. She’s offering to sell the old light bulb, which has been touched by an angel (it was the black angel, if that sweetens the pot for anyone). If you’re interested, contact Old Woman Josie. She’s out near the car lot. A new man came in to town today.  Who is he? What does he want from us? Why his perfect and beautiful haircut? Why his perfect and beautiful coat? He says he is a scientist. Well, we have all been scientists at one point or another in our lives.  But why now? Why here? And just what does he plan to do with all those beakers and humming electrical instruments in that lab he’s renting, the one next to Big Rico’s Pizza. No one does a slice, like Big Rico. No one.   Just a reminder to all the parents out there. Let’s talk about safety when taking your children out to play in the scrub lands and the sand wastes.  You need to give them plenty of water, make sure there’s a shade tree in the area, and keep an eye on the helicopter colors. Are the unmarked helicopters circling the area black? Probably World Government, not a good area for play that day. Are they blue? That’s the Sheriff’s Secret Police, they’ll keep a good eye on your kids, and hardly ever take one. Are they painted with complex murals depicting birds of prey diving? No one knows what those helicopters are, or what they want. Do not play in the area. Return to your home and lock the doors until a Sheriff’s Secret Policeman leaves a carnation on your porch to indicate that the danger has passed. Cover your ears to blot out the screams. Also, remember: Gatorade is basically soda, so give your kids plain old water and maybe some orange slices when they play.  A commercial airliner flying through local airspace disappeared today, only to reappear in the Night Vale Elementary gymnasium during basketball practice, disrupting practice quite badly. The jet roared through the small gym for only a fraction of a second, and before it could strike any players or structure, it vanished again, this time apparently for good. There is no word yet on if or how this will affect the Night Vale Mountain Lion’s game schedule, and also if this could perhaps be the work of their bitter rivals, the Desert Bluffs Cacti. Desert Bluffs is always trying to show us up through fancier uniforms, better pre-game snacks, and quite possibly by transporting a commercial jet into our gymnasium, delaying practice for several minutes at least. For shame, Desert Bluffs. For shame. That new scientist, we now know he’s named Carlos, called a town meeting. He has a square jaw, and teeth like a military cemetery. His hair is perfect, and we all hate and despair and love that perfect hair in equal measure. Old Woman Josie brought corn muffins, which were decent but lacked salt. She said the angels had taken her salt for a Godly Mission and she hadn’t yet gotten around to buying more. Carlos told us that we are, by far, the most scientifically interesting community in the US, and he had come to study just what is going on around here. He grinned, and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly.  Government agents from a vague yet menacing agency were in the back, watching. I fear for Carlos. I fear for Night Vale.  I fear for anyone caught between what they know and what they don’t yet know that they don’t know. We received a press release this morning. The Night Vale Business Association is proud to announce the opening of the brand new Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area. I have been to these facilities myself recently on their invitation, and I can tell you that it is absolutely top of the line and beautiful. Sturdy docking areas made from eco-friendly post-consumer material. A boardwalk for pedestrians, and plenty of stands ready for local food vendors and merchants to turn into a bustling public marketplace. Now, there is some concern about the fact that, given we are in the middle of a desert, there is no actual water at the waterfront. And that is a definite drawback, I agree. For instance, the boardwalk is currently overlooking sagebrush and rocks. The Business Association did not provide any specific remedies for this problem, but they assured me that the new harbor would be a big boost to Night Vale none the less. Maybe wait until a flash flood and head down there for the full waterfront experience. The local chapter of the NRA is selling bumper stickers as part of their fundraising week. They sent the station one to get some publicity, and we’re here to serve the community, so I’m happy to let you all know about it. The stickers are made from good, sturdy vinyl, and they read: “Guns don't kill people. It's impossible to be killed by a gun. We are all invincible to bullets and it's a miracle.” Stand outside of your front door and shout “NRA” to order one. Carlos and his team of scientists  warn that one of the houses in the new development of Desert Creek, out back of the elementary school, doesn’t actually exist. “It seems like it exists,” explained Carlos and his perfect hair. “Like it’s just right there when you look at it, and it’s between two other identical houses so it would make more sense for it to be there than not” But, he says, they have done experiments and the house is definitely not there. At news time, the scientists are standing in a group on the sidewalk in front of the nonexistent house, daring each other to go knock on the door. A great howling was heard from the Night Vale post office yesterday. Postal workers claim no knowledge, although passersby described the sound as being a little like “a human soul being destroyed through Black Magick.” The Indian Tracker - now, I don’t know if you’ve seen this guy around. He’s the one that appears to be of, maybe, Slavic origin, yet wears an Indian headdress out of some racist cartoon, and claims to be able to read tracks on asphalt. He appeared at the scene, and swore that he would discover the truth. No one responded because it’s really hard to take him seriously in that headdress of his. Lights, seen in the sky above the Arby’s. Not the glowing sign of Arby’s. Something higher and beyond that. We know the difference. We’ve caught on to their game. We understand the lights above Arby’s game. Invaders from another world. Ladies and gentlemen the future is here. And it’s about a hundred feet above the Arby’s.  Carlos and his scientists at the monitoring station near Route 800 say their seismic monitors have been indicating wild seismic  shifts, meaning to say that the ground should be going up and down all over the place. I don’t know about you, folks, but the ground has been as still as the crust of a tiny globe rocketing through an endless cold void could be. Carlos says that they’ve double checked the monitors, and they are in perfect working order.  To put it plainly, there appears to be catastrophic earthquakes happening right here in Night Vale that absolutely no one can feel. Well, submit an insurance claim anyway. See what you can get, right? Traffic time, listeners. Now, Police are issuing warnings about ghost cars out on the highways, those cars only visible in the distance, reaching unimaginable speeds, leaving destinations unknown for destinations more unknown. They would like to remind you that you should not set your speed by these apparitions, and doing so will not be considered following the flow of traffic. However, they do say that it’s probably safe to match speed with the mysterious lights in the sky, as whatever entities or organizations responsible appear to be cautious and reasonable drivers.  And now, the weather. [song] Welcome back, listeners. The sun didn’t set at the correct time today, Carlos and his team of scientists report. They are quite certain about it, they checked multiple clocks, and the sun definitely set ten minutes later than it was supposed to. I asked them if they had any explanations, but they did not offer anything concrete. Mostly, they sat in a circle around a desk clock, staring at it, murmuring and cooing. Still, we must be grateful to have the sun at all. It’s easy to forget in this hot, hot, hot desert climate, but things would actually be slightly harder for us without the sun. The next time the sun rises, whatever time that turns out to be, take a moment to feel grateful for all the warmth and light and, even, yes, extreme heat that our desert community is gifted with.  The City Council would like to remind you about the tiered heavens, and the hierarchy of angels. The reminder is that you should not know anything about this. The structure of heaven  and the angelic organizational chart are privileged information, known only to City Council members on a need to know basis. Please to do not speak to or acknowledge any angels that you may come across while shopping at the Ralphs or at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. They only tell lies, and do not exist. Report all angels sightings to the City Council for treatment. And now a brief public service announcement. Alligators. Can they kill your children? Yes. Along those lines, to get personal for a moment, I think the best way to die would be swallowed by a giant snake. Going feet first and whole into a slimy maw would give your life perfect symmetry.  Speaking of the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, its owner, Teddy Williams, reports that he has found the entrance to a vast, underground city in the pin retrieval area of lane 5. He said he has not yet ventured into it, merely peered down at its strange spires and broad avenues. He also reports voices of a distant crowd in the depths of that subterranean metropolis. Apparently the entrance was discovered when a bowling ball accidentally rolled into it, clattering down to the city below with sounds that echoed for miles across the impossibly huge cavern. So, you know, whatever population that city has, they know about us now and we might be hearing from them very soon. Carlos, perfect and beautiful, came into our studios during the break earlier but declined to stay for an interview. He had some sort of blinking box in his hand covered with wires and tubes. Said he was testing the place for materials. I don’t know what materials he meant, but that box sure whistled and beeped a lot. When he put it close to the microphone, it sounded like, well, like a bunch of baby birds had just woken up. Really went crazy. Carlos looked nervous. I’ve never seen that kind of look on someone with that strong of a jaw. He left in a hurry. Told us to evacuate the building, but then, who would be here to talk sweetly to all of you out there. Settling in to be another clear and pretty evening here in Night Vale. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with, or at least good memories of when you did. Good night, listeners. Good night.

Jan 2nd
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